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Hello, hello, beautiful souls, and welcome to the Claim Your Power podcast, the ultimate show for all things new age spirituality, entrepreneurship, and embodied leadership. I'm your host, Kim Peretz. I'm an author, entrepreneur, and yoga enthusiast. If you're ready to step up, tap into your gifts, and unleash your potential, you are at the right place.
It's time to claim your power. Hello, my beautiful friends and welcome back to the pod. How are you today? How's your day going? Whatever time it may be. I hope you're having a wonderful day. And if you're not, I'm sending you like a loving force swoosh energy of love right now. So just claim it through the audio of this podcast. Just decide and choose to claim that energy for yourself.
So for today's episode, we're going to be talking about a really important topic that I honestly think is one of the most important episodes that I'll ever film on this podcast. And it's how to stop being a people pleaser. I want to start this podcast episode by saying that I used to be the biggest people pleaser on planet Earth.
I would never put my energy or my priorities first. I would constantly allow people to walk all over me. I had no boundaries and that really affected me. Like when I was in my people pleasing peak in my life, I was also the most miserable. I had put everyone above me except me. I was basically putting everyone on a pedestal except myself and that was just very, very unhealthy and
And it was just this miserable cycle that I was living in. And so if this sounds like you, if you are someone who is people-pleasing, you feel like you can't put yourself first, you don't have firm, healthy boundaries, this episode is for you because I know what that's like. I know the thought patterns behind it. I know how hard it is to reframe it and to claim your own power when it comes to not being a people-pleaser. And I really hope that this episode helps you claim back
that personal power within you and put yourself first for the first time in your life. So let's dive into it. Okay, I have written in my journal four tips. I'm going to share with you my four secrets and biggest tips to stop being a people pleaser and to claim back your personal power. So the first tip that I'm going to start with, and this is one that not a lot of people realize affects them in a lot of different ways, but this is one of the biggest ones. Okay, so listen up.
Stop saying sorry when you don't need to apologize. When you constantly apologize for things that do not need an apology, first of all, you're giving your power away constantly. But second of all, you're putting out this energy that you're weak and that you can get walked all over.
There's a difference, a really big difference between being able to be responsible and accountable for how you like your actions and your intentions and saying sorry when you genuinely have wronged someone or have hurt someone's feelings or asking for forgiveness. This is not what I'm referring to. So let me give you an example. I have comprised the list of things that you should not apologize for, okay? So if you feel like you apologize for these things a lot on a day-to-day basis, listen up, okay?
Number one, your opinion. You do not need to say sorry for having a different opinion. You need to be able to portray that belief system or that opinion in a respectful way that empowers other people and remain open-minded, but you do not need to say sorry for having a different opinion. Number two.
You also do not need to say sorry for trusting your intuition. If your intuition is telling you something and you don't want to go somewhere and you're not feeling up for it, you do not need to apologize for trusting your instinct and your gut. Like, no. Another thing that you should not be apologizing for, and this is probably the most important one, is for saying no.
Saying no is powerful. You do not need to say sorry every time you say no. Saying no is okay. You are allowed to say no in life. And I think for a lot of people, people-pleasing tendencies tend to stem from childhood, from the fear of abandonment or feeling like we had to step into roles of adults
with the adults in our lives. Like we were children and we had to, you know, be responsible. We felt responsible for other people's feelings and reactions. And that ended up turning us into people pleasers who want to make everyone else satisfied around us because we don't want to instill a reaction out of somebody else.
But what you realize when you step out of people-pleasing tendencies is that you are not responsible for other people's reactions or emotions. That is their sole responsibility, just as somebody else is not responsible for the way you feel and for your reactions.
But I think so many of us get scared to say no. We get so nervous because we think that that will agitate the other person or anger the other person or frustrate the other person. But every time that you say no to something that is not in alignment with you, you are also saying yes to something that is. And that is powerful. So I want to give you guys an example of how you can really easily shift a people-pleasing tendency and a people-pleasing sentence, for example, into something that is more embodied in your power.
So this is just a really, really simple example. Let's say that you have made plans with a friend and you're running late. You have one or two options to kind of explain yourself when you arrive. You can either say, oh my God, I am so, so, so sorry. Like, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting here. And you just keep apologizing on and on and on and kind of making the other person feel bad. And you're just, you're taking down the energy when you do that, when you're over apologizing, okay? Okay.
But the powerful way to respond to those situations would be if you're arriving late,
You say, wow, you're such a good friend. Like, thank you so much for waiting for me. See, you're not even using the word sorry, but you are giving light to the fact that, yeah, you were late. You made them wait. And instead of bringing them down and being like, oh, my God, like, I'm so sorry. Like, oh, you empower the other person through gratitude and you tell them, wow, you're such a good friend. Like, thank you so much for waiting for me.
And that empowers you and the other person and that creates really good energy between the two of you. So if you can start noticing situations and experiences where you often apologize for things that maybe you don't need to apologize for and you make the shift in the conscious choice to ask yourself, okay, how can I rephrase this from being an apology to being a sentence of empowerment? Then you step out of your people-pleasing tendency and you put yourself back up on the pedestal and you claim your power.
Okay, tip number two, this is also a really important one. Stop saying yes to everything and everyone. And this really connects back to the apologizing tip. And this is all honestly people pleasing is so interconnected. But when you constantly overuse the word yes, you are not actually respecting your own energy and respecting your own needs.
So if you're down to go hang out with someone or go on a date or go help out a neighbor with their dog or whatever that they need, say yes. Help them out. Be a good person. Empower them. Give, you know, give that good energy. But ask yourself, do you actually want to say yes to that thing that you're saying yes to?
Are you saying yes to people who empower you, to people who appreciate you, who see your value? Or are you saying yes to people who deplete your energy and don't really appreciate your value? So use the word yes wisely. If you say yes to go hanging out with a friend, make sure that that friend empowers you. They lift you up. They inspire you, not deplete you. You don't want to leave that hangout feeling depleted and drained and stagnant. You want to leave it feeling empowered and the right people will
always leave you feeling more inspired and more uplifted but I want you to start noticing how much you're giving versus how much you're receiving because this is like the exchange of energy if you're only giving and giving and giving and you're not receiving you leave yourself your energy and your aura
depleted you're just giving you're draining yourself out and you're not receiving any back so you really want to say yes to things that give you more energy and more light and more love and more life into your life you don't want to say yes to things that deplete you so it's so important and when you become conscious and you make that choice okay i'm going to start saying yes to people who lift me up to opportunities that are really in alignment with what i want
to experiences that are with my highest timeline. Start saying yes to only things that truly, truly, truly, truly make you feel even better and more joy and more love in your life.
So let me give you guys an example. Let's say you're someone who's always been very generous in giving. And then some random dude from your neighborhood is like, hey, can you come babysit my daughters for $5 an hour for the whole day? And you really want to be nice, but you don't know this man. He's honestly spoken to you twice in your life. You also have a ton of work to get done. You wanted to do a self-care day. You wanted to go work out, you know, nurture yourself.
You don't have to say yes. And what happens when we are in our people-pleasing phase, we feel the need to say yes because we're like, oh my God, it's good karma. But guess what?
It has nothing to do with karma because you saying yes to something that is not in alignment for you, suddenly that's where that energy expands into things that are not in alignment. You're draining yourself out. You're feeling depleted and lost and confused. And that's not empowering in any way. And that goes back to being able to say no.
Say no to things that don't empower you because again, I said this already, but when you say no to something that is not in alignment, you're also saying yes to something that is. Tip number three is set healthy boundaries. If you are a soul that has good boundaries, that you stick to them and that goes also boundaries for yourself and your habits and your goals and your dreams, etc.
and what makes you feel good. But if you're able to set healthy boundaries with other people in your life, and you're able to maintain those boundaries, you will attain such a big sense of peace. For example, just a boundary that I have in my life is that in the mornings, I, the first hour when I wake up is for me. I don't check my phone. I,
I usually meditate, I'll drink tea, I'll journal. I'll just really focus on nurturing my own energy first thing in the morning. And that is like a non-negotiable for me. Like I will not, my friends know that the first hour in the morning, like there's no way to contact me because I'm not gonna check my phone. And even if I do check it for a quick second, I'm not gonna respond to messages right away because I am tending to my own vibration first thing in the morning. And that is a boundary that I've set
over time because I know that really empowers me and makes me feel my best and I know that if I can tend to my own energy first thing in the morning then I'm able to be of service to others and everyone around me in my life.
And so that is a boundary that I have. And I will not do anything to change that. Like I usually don't like to have sleepovers, period. Like I'm also kind of past that age where you have sleepovers. But like still, you can have sleepovers when you're an adult. And I usually don't do those because I like to have my little routine. I like to wake up.
and just focus on me and tending to my energy and so that's a boundary that I have and it's simple and that's what I'm saying like you can have small boundaries like that but if you stick to them your life will be filled with so much more peace and joy so here are some examples that I've come up with that are just good examples of healthy boundaries that maybe will inspire you to set them if they feel aligned for you but some boundaries that I'm thinking of is like you
You're right to your own time. You're allowed to have alone time. You're allowed to be introspective and introverted and spend time by yourself. And that's non-negotiable if that means something to you. Another one is you're allowed to change your mind. And this is a really important one for people pleasers is we think that everybody else has these opinions and then we're not really allowed to express our opinions because that might trigger somebody else.
But a healthy boundary would be is telling yourself, okay, I'm going to start showing up authentic in my life and the right people will support that and empower that. And the people who don't maybe are not in alignment for me because you are allowed to speak your truth. You are allowed to share your opinions and beliefs without being scared to be judged or shamed or blamed or gaslit. It's just that's such a big boundary that I think everyone should set with
everyone in your life and your experiences is being able to speak your truth authentically and share who you are as a person because that like that is your
biggest thing in life that is your purpose is showing up authentically every single day and so being able to do that is such an important boundary to set with yourself and with others okay last tip and this is probably the biggest one that I didn't realize for such a long time I didn't realize that when I was doing this it was a people-pleasing tendency but man when I overcame it I'm telling you that so much more abundance and good came into my life and it's being open to receive I
I think so many of us, when we're people pleasers, we're in this really generous state where we over give and we're constantly in this energy of giving and giving and giving. But when it comes to receiving, you'll notice that a lot of us are almost unable to receive. For example, if someone's like, hey, like, let me pay for your coffee. Like a friend is like, no, no, I got you. It's $3. I'll pay for your coffee.
So being able to receive that is so important. But when I was in my people pleasing phase, I would be like, no, no, no, no, no. Like I owe you. Like I'm going to pay you back right away. Like I know you can't pay for me. Like I don't want to owe you anything. Like I'm paying for my coffee and I would pay for my coffee. I would just guilt the other person and be like, no, no, you can't.
when that other person really when you try to understand they're coming from a place of giving and generosity and that's kind and that's amazing and you need to be able to receive that love and kindness back if you are able to give you should also be able to receive receiving is such an important part of life it's the feminine aspect the feminine energy is being able to be open and receive love from others and receive good and abundance from others because if
okay, this is the way that I think about it. We all as one make up the universe, right? The people, the animals, the nature, we all as one make up the universe. So if somebody is out here trying to pay for your coffee or buy you a gift or
or bless you in some sort of way, at the end of the day, that is the universe blessing you with love and abundance. That person is a reflection of the universe of source energy and they want to bless you. And so if you block that and you resist it and you're not able to receive it, you're blocking love and abundance from the universe. And how can you expect something to manifest or abundance to come into your life or love to walk into your life if you're constantly blocking the little things that show up?
Because at the end of the day, it's the baby steps. The universe sends you this love and this abundance and sees, do I believe that I'm worthy of it? Because a lot of the time when we refuse that abundance, that little love from people around us, it stems from our self-worth. We don't believe that we are worthy of this love and we are deserving of this love because for so long in our lives,
We were putting everyone on a pedestal except ourselves. So when somebody else reaches out the hand and wants to give us this love and abundance, we tend to block it. We're scared of it. We're careful around it. We're cautious. We're trying to protect ourselves. But my biggest tip for you is to move through the fear and pass that fear and accept and receive the love and abundance anyways.
Because that empowers you to step away from people pleasing and back into your personal power. So I want to end this episode with a quote that has really inspired me on my own journey of straying away from people pleasing. So I hope it inspires you. And the quote says, you are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. Think about that. Ponder on it. Reflect on it.
And you will realize that your worth and your power always stems from within, from whether or not you accept yourself, from whether or not you love yourself. Because at the end of the day, people will love you, people will hate you, but none of it will have anything to do with you. And the only thing that really has to do with you is whether or not you accept yourself, you value yourself, you prioritize yourself, and you love yourself.
Beautiful souls, thank you so much for joining me in today's episode. As always, feel free to DM me on Instagram if you have any topic suggestions for future episodes or if you would like to apply to be a guest on the show. I hope you feel inspired to claim your power today. Bye.
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