Master of Multitasking?: You Can('t) Slow Down
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Good day, good people. I appreciate you for tuning in to another episode of Imperfectly Phenomenal Woman. On this podcast, I interview everyday women about limiting beliefs that hold us back from living fully and authentically.

If you're new here, I'm Lauren. At this point, I've interviewed probably like 150 women about these things. And so we're really tackling these limiting beliefs that hold us back because I want you to be able to truly live the life that you want without being held back. So stick around because at the end of each episode, we always reframe the limiting belief to shift our mindset. So in this episode...

I'm talking to Mariah Garcia Nelson, and she chose limiting belief that you can't slow down. Mariah is a working mama, but if you aren't a working mama, this can still be helpful for you. So she talks about how her experience of time has changed with two kids, adjusting her expectations with what's possible, saying no for her own sanity.

And how whenever you say yes to something, you're also saying no to something else. We talk about asking for help and how she's making a commitment to always have an answer when someone asks how they can help her, which I think is fucking brilliant. She heard it from someone else and now we sharing it with you.

not being able to slow down can really impact your physical health, your mental health, and your overall well-being. So if you are one of those people, please slow down, girl. Okay, so let's get into the episode. I always let guests introduce themselves by sharing what brings them joy as a way for you to get to know their spirit. So this is Mariah, and this is what brings her joy.

Being outside has been bringing me a lot of joy lately. I'm an active person and it's funny when I, in the winter when it starts to get cold outside, I don't really love the cold, but it also makes me feel alive. Being outside has been bringing me joy. Yeah, I feel that. I've been just staying in the house. So I forced myself to get out of the house during the light and I sat in the cold and I was just like,

I was just like, damn, this just feels so good. It's cold as fuck, but like the oxygen and the sunlight. I need oxygen in the brain. And we'll talk more about that. Amen, sister. Dope. Well, thank you for introducing yourself. And we can jump into the actual topic. So...

Each week, I talk to women about different limiting beliefs that hold us back from living fully and authentically. And this week, you chose the topic, busy working mama, I can't slow down. So why would you say briefly why you chose that topic?

Oh, there's so much there. I mean, I am the type of person, like I am an active person. Before I had kids, it was like, I would say I'm an extrovert. Like I get energy from being around other people. And so I tend to be doing all the things more than I need to be doing. And now that I've become a mom, I've

I've always known like when I'm stressed and feeling pressed, it helps me to slow down and connect with my body and figure out what's actually going on inside of me versus what are all the things going on outside of me. And being a mom on top of all the other things, it's just been like,

a pretty intense change for me. Like my life is no longer, nor will it ever be what it once was. And I'm just trying to come to terms with that. This new chapter is different and I can't move at that same pace that I used to. And yeah,

Yeah. I mean, I think there's a lot there, but like just even slowing down to the pace of my kids, I have a two and a half year old right now and a three month old. And, you know, they don't, they don't have a concept of time at all. And that's a beautiful thing. Cause I'm learning like, how do I just be? Yeah. I, I sometimes fall into that. I'm a human doing not a human being trap and,

Uh, and the slowing down helps me to come into a being place. And I think like that limiting belief, you know, I am somebody who I like to pursue goals. I, you know, like to, I find a lot of joy and worth in what I do. And I, I really want to press more into, um, being content with being, uh, finding joy and being, um, and

And so, you know, walking with a toddler down the street takes a long time and I have to slow down. And when I'm trying to go at my normal speed, like we end up in the location, both of us mad at each other. Yeah. I can slow down. Actually, I need to slow down. Yeah. I have two questions. Well, I have multiple questions, but first this idea that

The babies, they don't have a concept of time. What would you say your concept of time was before having children? Or like your relationship to time? Yeah, I mean, I think...

My relationship to time was, I think, well, one thing I could do things back to back a lot more easily. Like, okay, I'm, you know, it's a Friday night. I want to go hang out with this friend and I need to do a couple things before I get there or let me stop and do this. No, with the kids, it's like, you're going to do one thing, if that. And maybe you're not even going to make it there on time.

True.

I hate that. Do you really feel like you have to start the process at 8 a.m. if it's like an 11 o'clock thing? I mean, definitely by 9 for sure. If I want to be, I'm talking about like, let's get our clothes on. Right. Let's change diapers. By the time we get to the next, like, but usually what happens is before we're about to leave, we're going to be like,

A diaper has to be changed again. Yeah. Right. And then it's like, do we have all the things that we need in the bag? And then we get to the car and get in the car and somebody doesn't want to get in the car. And so it's like, I can do it faster, but we're all going to end up mad at each other. I'm trying to do the slow down and like rushing a toddler like nobody wins. Yeah.

You know, he'll get mad, I get mad. So it's like, is there a way that we can come and meet at a middle point? So...

After you had your first kid and you were first introduced to this whole changing in time dynamic, what was that like for you? I feel like this time it might be a little bit different because you have a general idea of what to expect, even though there's two now. But after your first one, what was that transition like for you as a mama and a working mama from being able to do things back to back to back to having to shift time? What was that transition like?

So here's what I'll say is I think I'm coming up to even more of the transition now in toddlerhood because he has like my older one has his own.

He is, he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want as a baby. It's like strap them to you and go true. It was much easier. Now it's like you have someone who's on the move. I have someone like, yeah, who wants a snack and then no, I don't want this shirt. I want that shirt. No, I don't want to wear pants. So it's like, Oh, but we're going to wear pants today. Like that's how this is going to go down. And yeah,

all that stuff like the, you know, he's two, two and a half. That's what he's supposed to be doing. He's supposed to be testing boundaries, touching everything, having his own opinion. So it's a good thing. It's part of our developmental process as humans. And it's challenging as heck. The little one now with a baby, I mean, having two is a challenge, but the baby it's like, if he's fed, he's changed.

you know, he's slept, he's good. Yeah. And I can strap him onto me to sleep. I can put on a little baby carrier, he'll sleep right there and I can do my thing. So now is when I'm really feeling like the, that I can't slow down, but I also need to slow down and I can slow down. It's a necessity now to remain sane. I'm just trying to figure out how you balance that, especially just in this day and age where you,

Everyone is always go, go, go. There's so many expectations of you, whether that's from you work a full time job. Yeah. You know, working full time and, you know, when you're working from home, you also sometimes often work more hours than you would if you were in an office. Yeah, true. But I'm wondering how you balance that.

just for yourself of still getting everything done, but knowing that it has to take more time? Like, do you not sleep as much? Because I don't know, like, how do you, how does, how do you actually make it happen? All the things.

I don't make it happen. I don't make all the things happen. I actually pulled these, I have these two mugs that I got for my first baby shower with my two and a half year olds. And I brought them out because I knew we were going to be talking today. And I was like, these mugs annoy the heck out of me. They're two mugs. One of them say M O M master of multitasking.

The other one says, hello, my new name is daddy. Oh gosh. We were given these mugs for the baby shower. And I don't even know, I'm surprised that I didn't throw them out yet, but it just, it's like, why is the mom one, the master of multitasking? Meanwhile, daddy gets to just adjust to his new name. Wow. I'm like, I hate that. That's horrible. But that is the culture that we live in where

you know, there is some expectation that the mother is not only doing all the things she's doing for herself or job or whatever, but also doing all the things that the kid needs. You know, my husband, when he,

you know, after birth, it's quite a healing process when you go through a birth experience. And so we live on our third floor. I'm like, I'm going up to the third floor. I'm not coming out for a good month. So it's a walk up, right? It's a walk up and I'm not coming down for a while.

And so he brought the baby to the first beginning appointments, freaking get nearly gets a standing ovation from the nurses for coming in, you know, as a father, which God bless him. I'm so thankful that he's involved and cares to be involved in that way. But it's just an interesting dynamic of like, that's not what's expected. Like usually things default to the mother. Yeah. Cause you wouldn't, you wouldn't get the standing ovation. No, no, definitely not. Yeah.

So anyway, I forget what your original question was. Oh, it was about doing all the things. But that's kind of part of like, I can't do all the things, nor do I want to do all the things. It's like, I need to adjust my life and my expectations. And this is not easy because, you know, I enjoy having a clean house, but I sometimes have to come to terms with like, it's just not going to be clean. That is just not the chapter that I'm in in life right now. Yeah. Yeah.

I love that you keep saying chapter. So I name like all the different chapters of my life. And I'm curious what you would call this chapter for you. For me, chapters aren't necessarily like from January 1 to December 1. They just last however long they last. And then they end when you feel like it ends. But what would you call this chapter for you? That's a good question. I think there's...

I think it's a chapter of grace. Oh, good. Love it. It's a chapter of grace. It's a chapter of being realistic, you know, setting realistic expectations and what was realistic for me. Heck, even a year ago is different than what's realistic for me today. And part of that is sad because like I enjoy being,

Spending time with other people. And to be honest, sometimes I just don't have the energy or capacity to do that in the extent that I used to. Yeah. Like it's just not realistic. And so, I mean, I, we have in the title of this podcast, like busy working mama, um,

And sometimes I hate that busy part because part of it is also just saying no to things like, yeah, I would love to do that. But no, like I can't for my own sanity, for the sanity of my family, like,

Anything that I'm saying yes to, it also means, I mean, this is not about being a mom. It's just about life in general. When I say yes to something, I'm saying no to something else, even if I'm not explicitly saying no. Yeah, I think that's a huge thing. I've heard that before, too. Whenever you say yes to one thing, you're saying no to something else.

I think that's huge. And people really need to internalize that. Like, what are you actually saying no to by saying yes to something else? Are you saying no to your mental wellbeing? Are you saying no to your health? Are you saying no to your happiness when you say yes to these other things? Like that ain't right. So yes, it's a struggle to say no. And then I know for some people, it's also a struggle to ask for help. And I think that that's another place where you are in your journey. Um,

Where are you with that at this point? Oh, that's a big one. So I actually, I forget where I saw this, but I saw this thing that I'm like, okay, this, so this might be part of my new chapter is like asking for help. But they were saying, you know, I'm going to commit to never not having an answer when someone asks what they can do to help. Yeah.

And that's part of the thing is I'm somebody, I'm a very, you know, independent, self-sufficient type person. I'm like, I can do it on my own, but I actually can't, you know, that's, it takes a village to raise a child. And I have to, I think this is part of,

what I'm trying to press into is not just my immediate family, but the village, like, where are my resources? Like, I haven't slept more than, you know, our increments for a couple nights, like, I need somebody to come, like, help me get some sleep, or I need to be very explicit with my husband, like, listen, I need to sleep. So I need to take the kids somewhere else.

Like what, you know what I mean? Yeah. And really being clear about what I need. And that piece of, if someone asks me what they can do to help, I want to always have an answer. I love that. You can wash my, you can do my laundry. Girl, wash these dishes. Exactly. You can, let's just talk about something that hasn't, doesn't have to do with kids for a minute. You know, like what, what are the things that I, I need? And so making sure that I'm, I'm not just saying, oh no, I'm good.

No, I'm not good. No, I need to ask for help. That's the season I'm in. Ask for help season. I love that. So we got realism. So initially when you were talking about the chapter for you was called Realism and Grace. That was the title that I had from what you were saying. And then maybe asking for help is like,

a part of those two? Or do you feel like, cause I don't, I don't know. You can name it whatever you want to, but I feel like that's too many words, realism, grace, and asking for help. I feel like, I mean, I think asking for help, that is like part of how do I be realistic, right? That's part of giving grace. Cause I can be, I can, I mean, I'm not going to lie. I can be a proud person. I'm like, I can do this on my own. No, have some grace for myself. Right.

I, you know, I'm in a different season of life, life right now. What I, what was realistic for me before is not realistic for me to do now. So, you know, no, I'm not going to be able to, um, meet up with you here, get the laundry done, do this. Like I can't do all the things. And so I have to give my grace, myself grace that that's no longer realistic. Mm-hmm.

So I've been jumping into the middle of episodes lately to share some thoughts that I've had while editing. And one thing that came up was like, what does grace really even mean?

Mariah said she's in a chapter of giving herself grace, which I absolutely love, but I wanted to look into it a little bit. I did find this article from Well and Good, and it's called, What Giving Yourself Grace at Work and Life Really Means? And so one of the sentences is,

practice self-compassion aka having understanding acceptance and forgiveness of yourself this looks like being flexible realistic and honest about your bandwidth energy and interest and then it gives four tangible ways to give yourself grace this month and every month so the first one says say no to perfectionism

You are an imperfectly phenomenal woman. Don't forget that. You don't have to get everything right. You're not going to get everything right. You're still fucking amazing. Do your best.

The second thing was give yourself credit and a reward. Friend, go have a cookie. Being a mom, if you're not a mom and work plenty of hours a week, if you're dealing with inner turmoil that you aren't addressing and that's why you fill your time, you're doing the best that you can. And when you have a win, celebrate your win. The third thing says press mute on negative self-talk. I was

I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday. And one thing that we said was we ruminate on the negative, but we never ruminate on the positive. It's because our brains are wired for survival, right? Usually in the morning, I'll do four minute meditations to see what the fuck is going on in my brain. I am purposefully looking at what thoughts are coming up.

During our conversation yesterday, I said I'm going to dedicate literally one minute to thinking about something positive every day. And I can stay on the same thing, thinking about it for a week, two weeks, however long. Ruminate on the positive, but let go of that negative self-talk.

And the fourth thing is say no to something. You can read what this article says if you want. I'll put it in the show notes, but I'm really filling it with my own things. Just like I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, and Mariah says it too, when you're saying yes to something, you're actually saying no to something else. So make sure that both your yeses and your no's are intentional. So give yourself grace because you deserve it.

and figure out what chapter you're in. Name it. Best of luck. Let's get back into the episode. I'm wondering just because you have so many things to do, where does the rest and relaxation or like joy come in? Even if it's like once a month or like once every three months, I don't know. When does that get to happen?

Because I think as a mama, I really need to like, I'm gonna need to leave. Yes. Yes. I'm gonna have to leave every once in a while, somehow, some way. I don't know. Do you ever get just time for yourself? Yeah. I mean, I think that's what I'm trying to shoot for more. And part of that is like,

being honest with myself about what I need. Right. So one thing, like, let me just share a small way I'm trying to do this and it looks different than what I would expect. Right. I, my own mental health relies a lot on my, an exercise. Okay. When I'm all kind of funky in my mind, it's probably because I haven't exercised in a good long time. So well, exercise for me is important on physical.

it's like super critical for my mental and emotional health. So that's like a super easy thing for me to be like, no, I don't have time for that, whatever. I don't want to do that or I don't have time. But that's one thing I'm trying to prioritize more. So what that looks like is like,

when I get up in the morning, I'm trying to do four times a week and I just do it at home. I get out a yoga mat. I do it in the living room. There's my toddlers typically, sometimes he'll do a little bit with me. Sometimes he'll play alongside, like sometimes he's climbing on top of me, but I get it done. And so that's like one way that I'm

Taking me time. I know it seems silly. It's like, oh, working out is... No, that's huge. That's a huge me time. Yes, exactly.

Yeah, that's how my brother does his me time too. He goes out. I think he wakes up at 430 is out of the house by five. Oh, wow. He's a wild one. This is his like happy place is the gym. He loves the gym. He has like the big whey powder in the kitchen, like all of that, but he'll walk to the gym, stay there. And then by the time he comes back, that's when he's waking. He's got four kids.

Nine and under. So yeah. God bless him. Bless his heart. Bless his heart. He comes back and he's waking them up in the morning, but he's like wide awake. So see, I might need to take some tips from him because that's one thing as much as I hate it. I'm like part of pouring into me might be me waking up earlier. Yeah. So that I have a moment before everybody gets up. So

So that's something I'm kind of leaning a little bit into. Also, like this last week, I went out, my husband watched the kids and I went out to meet up with some ladies. Love it. So that was fun just to like, and it felt weird. Like it felt weird not to have somebody else I'm responsible for. Yeah. Attached to me. Can you talk more about that? How it felt weird? I think it's just like, oh, wait, am I forgetting something? Am I missing something? Like,

Entering into this time of motherhood, especially when they're little, and I don't know, maybe it's when they're big too, but there's a constant need. And usually they need something from me, whether it's literal milk to survive or...

food or a diaper change or attention. I think that's a big one. Like the attention piece I've realized in, in child development, how important that is. And that's the other piece about slowing down, right? That connection doesn't happen overnight.

it, you know, you don't need a lot of time for it to happen, but it has to be intentional. And, you know, it's not like, oh, I'm going to be able to connect with you while I'm on my phone doing the other thing. No, it's like, I need to stop. And we're in front of each other right now, like, let's connect. And that's part of how, you know, us as humans, we develop, we need that so much in our development, building social emotional skills, feeling loved like that, that's so important. And that

You know, it requires me to stop and slow down to pour into my kid's

That made me think of the multitasking thing again. Right. Where... The reason I'm going to throw that cup out the window after this conversation. Well, because people say that they're multitasking, but in reality, you're just giving your attention at one point to one thing and then switching your attention and your attention just keeps switching back and forth. So really, there's no one thing that's truly getting the attention. Exactly. And so you're really still just neglecting something.

It's that piece of the, when you say yes to one thing, you're saying no to something else. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. With becoming a new mom, do you feel like you ever lost yourself at all? Oh, 100%. Like, I feel like I'm, I'm the same person, but I'm also kind of like, I don't even know how to describe it. I think I'm definitely just starting to figure out like, who am I in this situation?

Like in this new role, like I don't want my whole self to just like, I don't want my whole identity to just be a mother. I know that that's like very easy to be sucked into that. Like, I think it's really important for my kids to see me doing things that I enjoy that bring me joy that like, also it's essential. Like if I can't show up as normal,

you know, as at least somewhat of my best self, they're not going to get my best self either. So I'm definitely, that's very fresh for me because I'm, I'm trying to figure that out. In this role as a mother, when there's like a hundred different things that need to get done, it's like, how can I make space? So the working out thing, like, I'm like, no, I am going to do this. I understand you want to play with me right now.

but we'll play after I work out. And he's, he's starting to warm up to that. It's like, he'll say, okay, he'll even bring out the yoga mat sometimes. Oh, it's yoga time. It's exercise. I have his little, I have some little weights for him. And when he wants to participate, he'll have his little one pound weight. I love that. But to be honest, like, I feel like I'm, I'm still very much in that space of like, where am I? Like, who, who am I? What do I like? I don't know.

Sometimes I don't know. So I don't know. Oh, I guess it's just like exploring it. Yeah. Yeah. The beginning of this podcast intro is it says that we talk about self-discovery, self-acceptance and purposeful action. And I

My guess is when you become a mama, there's like a whole big phase of self-discovery again and self-exploration again. And then the purposeful action part, I feel like is really hard just because you got a whole bunch of shit to do. Right. But it's still possible. Slowly, but surely and slowly. Very slowly. Very slowly. And that's kind of where I'm...

I mean, also the thing is I'm someone I sometimes when I'm moving so fast, it's like literally next thing to the next thing to the next thing. And taking that pause and connecting with how am I actually feeling like in my body? Like, where am I? Do I even want to be here? Like that's helpful information. My body's giving me information. And when I'm moving too fast and I'm just

task oriented, doing oriented. I'm not actually connecting with where am I? Right. What am I feeling? And that's part of this piece of like finding myself, I think, at least for me, that slowing down is so important. And, you know, the piece of being able to say no to things like, oh, let's do, you know, let's do dinner. And it's like,

I would love to, but also I'm feeling like I don't want to do that tonight. Like I need a chill night with no plans. Like, you know, I have some people that have reached out and are like, oh, let's schedule a time to get together. And I feel like I'm very much in that phase of life where like,

It's hard to schedule out far because by the time I get to that time, I'm like, I don't know if I can do that anymore. True. You know? So I don't know. I'm kind of trying to juggle and understand what my new capacity is. I'm knowing that it's, it's having unplanned time is super important because things come up and I want to be able to move a little bit slower. So saying no is, is an important skill that I'm learning. Yeah.

Very nice. Well, so at the end of each episode, we always reframe the limiting belief to fit my worth and I desired reality. And so an example of a reframe, I use this literally in every episode might be if my limiting belief were if I'm not married by 30, then I'm a failure or something like that, then I would reframe that to say,

I can get married at a time that's right for me. Fuck the societal timeline. That shit ain't real anyways. Like, how would you reframe this limiting belief of I can't slow down? Well, and like, I would say I can slow down. I need to slow down for me. And also, I think there's this piece of like,

I am worthy when I'm not doing it all. I'm worthy when I'm just being me. I love that part. And it goes back to the human doing versus human being. Yes. Yeah. Did you originally introduce that to us in the crew? I don't know. I may, I might've. I know we heard it in the crew. At least I did. That was my first time hearing it. It's been, it's been something I try and hold onto that because I feel like I need to learn that every day. Yeah. Yeah.

That's like a daily learning activity for me. Yeah, there's value in you being a human being and not just in being a human doing. Right. Because I give, I'm totally great at giving grace to other people. And really bad at giving grace to myself. That.

I'm like, oh, you're half an hour late to whatever this thing is. No worries. I understand. When I'm half an hour late, I'm like sweating bullets. I'm getting mad at people. I'm driving like a crazy person. Like, no.

I'm going to get there when I get there. Yeah. Well, this chapter for you is realism and grace. Yes. So that's that. My chapter is receiving. That's what this chapter has been for me for quite a bit of time. Yeah. That's good. So it's receiving like money.

receiving love, receiving, because I'm so used to being a human giving. Let's put that in there too. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. Now I am a human receiving. So that if anyone wanted to find you, Mariah, how can they connect with you? Well, that's a good question. I'm not hugely active on social media, but

My social, my Instagram is Mariah Zoe, M-O-R-I-A-H-Z-O-E. And you can just send me a message there or find me on LinkedIn, Mariah Garcia Nelson. And you know where you can find me. I am at IP Woman Podcast on Insta, on Twitter. And if you found this episode helpful, share it with a friend. I'll chat with y'all next week. Farewell. Bye.

so