You Can('t) Feel Secure in Uncertainty
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Good day, good people. A lot of y'all listening today are probably experiencing some type of frustration with uncertainty. So it's good you're tuning in because that's the limiting belief that we're going to talk about today. Each week, I talk to different women about limiting beliefs that hold us back from living fully and authentically. And this week, I am talking to Karina Nguyen. So the way that I typically structure these podcasts before I get to the recording part, I'll send out a list of topic options.

And I'll let guests look through and choose what resonates with them. Sometimes if they don't see something on there that resonates with them, they'll pick one that comes to mind for themselves. So when Karina responded to me, she chose topics that said you can't thrive in uncertainty. You can't feel secure in uncertainty and you can't move into the unknown confidently. How do you move into the unknown confidently? That question.

is the question. That is the struggle. So if you don't know me, hey, I'm Lauren. I am the host and the producer of this thing. And I so, so, so appreciate you for joining me. I've been recording this podcast since about 2019, took me a nice little break for about a year, and the girl is back. When we recorded this episode, Karina was 38 weeks pregnant and

And that obviously comes with a lot of uncertainty about what's coming next. You have an entire human in your body and you don't know who that person is. So we chat about that. We talk about how her identity is changing, balancing control and surrender, having loose plans for your life instead of being really rigid about it.

And a big thing that we talk about as well is asking for and accepting help. Self-awareness comes up a few times and then trusting your transition and divine timing. Be sure to stay tuned until the end because at the end of each episode, we reframe limiting belief to fit more within our desired reality. So let's do it. Here's Karina. And this is why she chose the topic. You can't feel secure in uncertainty.

So for me, as you know, I'm 38 weeks pregnant as of today. So I have two weeks until this baby gets here.

And, yeah, it's my first baby and I don't know what to expect. Right. So for I mean, for me, I've always been like a risk taker in terms of like actions and like moving or just making moves that people don't expect or, you know, I don't talk about. But this has been interesting because it's like it's more of an internal thing.

risk, right? Transition where I had to kind of like, and I'm still working through it, right? Like where I'm like, okay, my identity is changing. It is about becoming a parent and all of the logistics and what type of parent do I want to be? What are, you know, what is it going to look like? My sleep schedule? How am I going to feel? Right. If I'm going to go back to my regular size, my shoes going to fit again, but also like,

you know, integrating this new identity and like, what is that going to mean for me? Like, it's before I was thinking, oh, how long is it going to take me to get back to myself? Right. Mm hmm.

So anyways, it's like it's a lot of unknowns and you don't know until you get there. You listed a lot of them. Yeah, that's a lot. And I don't even, you know, it's like you know that there's a lot that happens during that time of like about to have a baby. But the way that you listed them, I don't know, they just hit me different. It's a lot. It's a lot of unknowns. Like a lot of like, are my shoes going to fit later? Yeah.

Right. And I'm like, that's the least I mean, I would have thought that's the least of my worries. But I'm like, now that I can only fit two pairs of shoes, I'm like, I have a lot of shoes. What am I going to do with all these shoes? Uncertainty. Yeah, exactly. And I'm a planner. Right. I'm a planner. So I've been prepping like as much as you can. Right. I'm a preparation meets opportunity type of person. So I have all the books, you know, I'm reading and

I was watching YouTube videos on products and Jonathan, my guy, we went to a birthing class. So we're preparing, but I also leave room for I'm preparing, but then when I get there, accept whatever comes. So I try to be prepared and try to plan my expectations. We're like, okay, this could happen, this could happen, or this could happen.

But I mean, in this case, it's like it's a little different. Right. Like anything can happen because you're dealing with the thing, too, is like you're dealing with humans. Exactly. Like that's the most random thing you could ever get. Like when it comes to uncertainty, you don't know what you about to get with another person. Yeah. Unknown. Well, for me, unknown biological. Right.

changes, the medical aspect of it. It's like you're walking into a situation where you can only prepare yourself so much. Right. And then you just have to kind of go into this whole, this is a natural thing and it's going to go how it's going to go. Yeah. So, so for me, that's part of the uncertainty too, right. It's just preparing, but then accepting that

I, you know, this is all going to be uncertain. I can just be confident moving forward. Yeah. It makes me think too, because this podcast is called Imperfectly Phenomenal Woman. Yeah. And I had this realization, let's say about 50 episodes ago or so. Okay. That,

I feel like life was designed to be imperfect. And if your life is imperfect, it's functioning as it was designed. So therefore, your life is perfect. Yeah. Because it's actually functioning the way that it was supposed it was designed to function, you know? And so in a way, even with the uncertainty, it's like...

It's inevitable. Yeah. Imperfect things are going to happen during that uncertainty. And you kind of just take it as it goes. And that is genuinely the design of life. And you're giving birth to a life. Like, it's wild. And you're right. Like, that's what life is. Right. It's just everything's imperfect. Like you said, you're living life if it's imperfect. If everything was perfect, then it would just be boring anyways. It would be boring. Yeah. And that's I guess that's part of our.

our human experience, right? And I guess maybe a result of trauma in a lot of times where it's just like we try to put the expectations on things and, you know, we want everything to be perfect. But it's that's the tug of tug of war in a way, right? It's like we want it to be perfect, but it's not. And that's kind of the exciting part of it, right? It's like we try to control stuff. Yeah. It's our desire for control, too. Yeah. Right.

But it's like, have you it sounds like you're trying to balance control and surrender. Exactly. How the fuck you do that? How's that feeling for you? That's the story of my life. OK, that's the story of my life. How's that feeling? You know, takes a lot of therapy. Any like anxiety or anything? You know, I feel like my anxiety is something I've been working on for the past eight years since I moved here.

So I feel like you're in New York. Yeah. It's just an anxiety inducing place. Yeah. And I'm like, I've always had anxiety my whole life. So when I moved here, it was really like overwhelming. Right. Because this living in the city, you'd be overstimulated. And so I've developed a lot of tools to deal with the anxiety itself. Right. But I think that's a good question. Right. Like, how do you deal with the trying to have control and then also surrender? Yeah.

And that's that's the way I do it. It's like I prepare, I prepare, prepare, prepare. And then I read. But I also am not married to the idea of right. I'm not married to the preparation that I, you know, that I put into things. Yeah. Like I'll prepare as much as I can. And then whenever when it's time to go, whenever, you know, when it's showtime, whatever that may be.

It's going to go how it's going to go. That's huge. That's all you can do. It's like loose plans. Exactly. That's what I always say. I have loose plans for my life because I also don't like to be disappointed. I love that. So listen, I keep the expectations low and then surprise myself. That's how it works.

Oh, man, I love that. That's so good. Well, so I was looking up like different ways to deal with stress and uncertainty. And I found this thing by the American Psychological Association. So I'm going to read it. Tell me if anything from here resonates with you. You can interrupt me in the middle or you wait. Whatever you want to do is fine.

So it says, 10 tips for dealing with the stress and uncertainty. So it says, people react differently to uncertainty, but you can take some simple steps to build your resilience in uncertain times. Accepting that there will be uncertainty can free us to focus on what is in our control. So here are the 10 things. They all have more to them, but I'm just going to kind of read the high level part. So it says,

So it says, be kind to yourself. Some people are better at dealing with uncertainties than others. So don't beat yourself up if your tolerance for unpredictability is lower than a friend's. Reflect on past successes. Chances are you've overcome stressful events in the past and you've survived. Give yourself credit. Reflect on what you did during that event that was helpful and what you might like to do differently this time.

Develop new skills. While life is relatively calm, make a point to try things out of your control and outside of your comfort zone. Low stakes. Limit exposure. What'd you say? Low stakes. Low stakes. Yes. Limit exposure to news. When we're stressed about something, it can be hard to look away, but compulsively checking the news only keeps you wound up. Avoid dwelling on things you can't control. This shit's hard. Yeah. When...

When uncertainty strikes, many people immediately imagine worst case scenarios, get out of the habit of ruminating on negative events. Take your own advice. Ask yourself, if a friend came to me with this worry, what would I tell them? Just a few more. So engage in self-care. Don't let stress derail your healthy routines.

The next one is seek support from someone you trust. Many people can isolate themselves when they're stressed or worried, but social support is important. So reach out to family and friends. Yeah, that's a hard one for me. Really? Okay, we'll get back to that. Control what you can. And then the last one is ask for help. That's also, that's in alignment with that other one.

All right. Yeah. You had mentioned that you were trying to like you were considering asking for help, but you haven't quite started to do that yet. Yeah. What's that been looking like? That's I mean, that's a part of this, like preparing for the transition. Right. Is like one thing that a lot of parents will tell you is like, oh, especially new parents.

or people who, you know, they're looking back in hindsight, people are going to offer you help. Make sure you accept it. Right. And so for me, it's like just in life, that's been hard. So it's like, okay, now then, then delve me deeper into it. Like, okay, people are offering you help. Right. It's like, but what does that mean? Cause it's very abstract at this point. Cause it's like, we're pregnant and it's like, okay, well,

People are saying they're going to be there, they're going to help and stuff like that. But then we had to step back and go, well, what does that mean?

Right. And not just what does that mean? Like, what do they mean? But also like, what are we comfortable asking for or accepting? Right. And so, I mean, that's been a whole process, too, because it's like, oh, once you have the baby, you know, traditionally in a lot of cultures, like the mom or the family will be around to help. And it's like New York's a little bit different, you know? And even like a lot of families are different. Like people work.

Like, it's not like you could just have a family member come live in and cook and help you with the baby and stuff. So, you know, we're thinking about that. Like, how are we going to like have food in here all the time? Like, just going to be us. Like, are we comfortable having someone in our space? Right. Like, we're even like, even if someone would come in and we were comfortable, like, that's a lot to ask of someone, you know what I mean? So just kind of like,

That's been a process, like thinking about those things. What are we comfortable asking for? You know, what's doable? But also keeping in the back of our mind generally like, oh, don't be afraid to ask for help. So but like that sounds good. But what does that look like in practice? I thought that statement of.

That maybe that's too much to ask that you just said. Maybe that's too much to ask. I think that's an interesting statement. Why? Because because maybe it's not too much to ask. It's kind of relative. Yeah, it is. Maybe it feels like it's too much to you and it feels like it's too much to ask of that other person. But that other person might be like, fine, that's nothing. Yeah. Yeah.

I guess for me, and let me know what you think. I feel like when you're asking of someone's time,

an effort that's a lot more than just asking someone for like money or a gift or to donate or something I feel like when you're asking for someone's time like that's a big ask right especially if it's on like a consistent basis yeah so that's I guess it depends I guess it depends on the relationships with the people too true because I know for me like I will genuinely drop everything

at any because i think it's my love language too quality time time and showing showing up for people that's like yeah with my time that showing up for people with my time very specifically is my love language i think i just learned this about myself i knew showing up for people was my love language but it's with my time yeah yeah that's i think thanks karina that's mine too is quality time right yeah yeah because it's like like i said i think time is more valuable

Right. So it is, you know, when I'm with people, I'm present. Like I'm not I don't usually text back really quickly, especially not if I'm with someone. Right. Yeah. So, yeah. But I think you're right. Time is a big ask of people, but some people would love to give it to you. That's true.

That's true. Don't deprive people of the thing that they would love to do for you. Yeah. See, this is what I'm talking about, like working toward the help. Like it's not something I'm in or that I can give advice on. It's something that I'm working toward. Right. Yeah. Well, it's good you're working towards it. Yeah. You know, that is positive. I think that's important. You need to be aware of things you need to work on. Yep. Yeah.

Hey, so if you're new here, I like to jump in the middle of episodes to share a thought or two that came up while I was re-listening to it. And this time, I just want to remind y'all that people want to help you. I'm going to say that again too. People want to help you. You don't have to do everything alone. Whether it's finding a mentor, asking a close friend, for some reason...

We feel like we're a burden. That's that imperfect side of us. But really, when we deny people the opportunity to help us, and I am guilty of doing this, I do it too. We're denying them that gift and spark of giving and joy. Like think about the times you've actually given to people that you really love. Like whether you gave them a gift, whether you gave them your time,

Like we find joy in giving. So why deprive someone who loves you of that joy? I'm really speaking to myself right now, but I hope this resonates with you too. Dear Phenomenal Woman, you are capable of accepting help. You are capable of asking for help. So let's make sure we do it. Let's get back to the episode.

I heard another thing and it was like, this lady said for a month or something.

Every time someone says, let me know how I can help you. She said she was going to come up with a way that she would get them to help her with something. So that could be like an interesting challenge for you. That would be an interesting challenge for me. Because like if they say they'll help. What's one thing that you'd actually need help with right now? It could be teeny tiny or it could be huge. I want to clean this place because I do not have it in me. Yeah.

Not right now. Yeah. But like, see, that's something that's big to me. So even hearing you say that, I'm like, okay, yeah.

that it's me, right? Someone's offering help and it's like, I could feel the resistance of going, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. Right. Like I've, I've tried to practice it in small ways. Like maybe some months ago I had family here or even recently I had family here and like they're, you know, I'm trying to be host and cook and make sure everyone's comfortable. And then they want to help me clean dishes and stuff. Like, Oh, let me get that. I'm like, no, no, no, it's fine. And they like, just let me do it. And I'm like,

Yeah, I'm gonna let you do it. Let them do the dishes, bro. Right. So in that moment, I had to stop and go, you know what? Yeah, go ahead. Do it. Like, but for me, that was big because I'm like, I just let's just let me do it. Right. I'll take care of it. Don't worry. But I say it feels so big for you. Why is it hard for you to receive? I don't know. I think I'm just very I'm very independent. I like to do things for myself. Yeah. And I don't know.

It's like, it's right. It's you're always, you always see like, oh, I'm, you know, I'm independent and all this and that, but this is the dark side. This is the dark side. Okay. I need help. I'm talking about, that's okay. Like, I know I need help. Yeah. Okay. Well, self-awareness is a big piece. So that's where we at. We at the self-awareness stage. And then the part after that, I say is purposeful action. So.

okay yeah so self-discovery is that moment you realize damn i'm tired something is wrong yeah then the self-acceptance was shit you know was wrong i realized i needed to help and i'm not asking for it fuck and then after that is the purposeful action part where it's like all right what can i ask for like so you you're moving into the purposeful action so that's good yeah

We need this step by step, Lauren. We need this in a book, okay? You know? Because I know you've gone through all of this and I know you put it into action. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because the last season of my life, I named the chapters of my life. It was called Receiving. Okay. And so in that chapter, it was...

It was receiving love. It was receiving money because I did my fundraising phase. Yeah, it was accepting help, like receiving help, like receiving all these different things that I was always very resistant to. So and that was a question I kind of had for you, too, since we're talking about transitioning, like.

the different parts of your life, probably since grad school, because that's when we first met. What have those different transitions been for you? And if you had to give one word to it, what would be the word that you gave to some of the transitions that you might have had? And it doesn't have to be receiving or anything. But so for me, I would say grad school was...

discovery because I feel like I started like learning about myself a bit more in New York like it forced me to learn about myself yeah then after that was probably uncertainty something like that these don't match up exactly with my chapters but yeah because that would be like COVID and cooped up that sounds accurate yes cooped up but now I feel like

This phase of my life I'm calling transitioning. This next chapter is called transitioning, which is why I was excited that you said you wanted this to be the topic. Yeah.

And so this is me trying to become like my truest essence of self. Okay. That's where I'm at now. Yeah. So with your transitions, like what is your, what have your transitions kind of been like after grad or during and after? I think that's a big question. It's a big question. It's hard. It is a big question because it's,

Like you say, you have chapters. And so since grad school, that's like 2018. So yeah, there have been chapters. All transitions, right? Even just from the practical, like grad school back into the professional world. True. And navigating all of that. I'd say the first thing that came to mind was

receiving lessons. And then I like that growth. Probably there was a big chapter with like awareness, becoming more aware, right? Becoming, like you said, self-awareness is the thing. Like, so once you become more self-aware, then you're easily able to identify like positive things, right? Which is like values. Okay. What do I want from here? What's the path moving forward? So I'd say like just self-awareness.

And now I'd say I'm in a, I'd say I'm in a, or I've been in a chapter of like acceptance, right? Like accepting joy. Yes. Yeah. Like, you know, it's hard sometimes. It's been a process. Yeah. It really has been. And, um,

But it's good. Right. Because I think we, you know, we live in this culture of what hardships have you been through? People respect that. Right. And it's like we've all been through hardships, but it's like, you know, to and I've always used that to like propel me forward. But this last couple of years have been like, you know what?

I can go ahead and just buy that extra like bottle of whipped cream or like, or like, why do I feel guilty about spending this much on a pedicure? You know, like I can afford it now. Like, like just accepting small things where it's like, oh, and recognizing like, oh, that stressed me out before. Like, why, why am I living in a survival mode mindset? You know, when I can just,

accept where I'm at now and let go of all of the other stuff. Right. So accepting the joy, accepting where I'm at, accepting all of the hard work that I've put in to be where I'm at. Right. And so one of one of the things that I did, which was really interesting, I was going to the libraries for a while. Love libraries. Yes. I love the library. So there was a book and I cannot remember the author. I think it was called Black Joy.

And one of the things that she talked about, the author is like an exercise of write your life from the perspective of joy. Right. Because I feel like.

you know, with college essays or anything you're applying for, it's like, oh, write about the hardships that you've had to get through to be here. Right. And so that's usually the mindset. Right. And even when we met in that class, it's like, what are the crazy things you've been through? I forgot that class was where we met. Yeah. Right. What was that class? It was like your life story. Yeah.

Learning through your life or something like that? Something like that. Learning from your life. We all literally had to write our life story. Yeah. And share it with the class. Every class member read your life story. Yeah. Yes. And like gave you feedback, identified themes. Yes. Right. And so, I mean, it wasn't, I think it's,

the tendency is to write from that place of like, you know, and it's American culture, like pull yourself up and, you know, get through it and all these things. And so that's kind of how we've been conditioned. And so reading this book, I was like, you know what, that's a good idea. Like, so I just opened my Google doc and I just started writing like, you know, whatever, you know, we've all been through things in life, but for me to just identify with,

And see through like the the murkiness of anything negative that I've always focused on to go. You know what, though? This was really good. You know, when I was this year's old or that, you know, this was really my family did this. Like, I appreciate that. And so to have just a full page or two or however long it was of like.

This is the joy that I've experienced throughout my life. Wow. Right? So for me, that was like, it was a powerful moment because I'm like, how come I never thought about that before? Yeah. That's really beautiful. Yeah. I need to do that. It's really, it's interesting. Yeah. It's different. Right? I love what you're saying. Because you had also just said like, so something that I wanted to say is like some of the listeners, y'all got to transition out of survival mode.

and transition into joy. It's a process. It's a process. It's a process, but it's nice. If you're in survival mode, I just know one of y'all is listening to this right now and you felt that when I said it. You felt it. Transition out of survival mode. You're okay. Right.

But you won't know it until you remind yourself. Right? Because I've been fine for a while. But I'm still, I was still like in that survival. In your head, stressing, yeah. Right? Yes. For, like I said, even small things. Like, I don't, I can't afford that. It's like, girl, it's not that much. It's whipped cream. It's an extra 50 cents. It's a small luxury. And for me, it's like a luxury is just that. A luxury. You don't need it. But it's like,

I work hard. Why can't I just have a luxury here and there? You know? So accepting that, I think those are the small steps of like transitioning out of survival mode, right. Or, you know, accepting things that you have, right. And not feeling like ashamed about it. Right. Like, Oh yeah, you know, Oh, just whatever it is. Right. Just whatever it is, just accepting the good things.

Just think about my car. Like my car has been hit from every side just about. That's not good. My mama hit it in the front because she was mad because somebody put their dog poop in our trash can. And so she was so frustrated that she accidentally hit my car. And like the whole front bumper is a struggle. Don't put y'all's dog poop in other people's trash cans, by the way. No, that's something I know. I know some of y'all do it. Don't do that no more. Stop. Because if it goes to the bottom and

And old people can't get it out for themselves. Okay. Get it together. So anyways, she hit me there. The side of my car, I hit a pole. The back of my car, somebody hit me. And so it's just like the accepting what you got. My car is a mess. But that joint drives.

It drives. But is it almost time for you to, is it almost time for you to like switch it out and upgrade? It's almost time. It's almost time. But I also don't mind that it's broke. Well, listen, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. It's broke, but and don't fix it. As long as you enjoy it.

It's broke and don't fix it. I feel like both. I can accept it all. I can accept all of it. It's broke and don't fix it. We don't have to fix everything. That's true. And I think we often feel like everything has to be fixed. Some stuff can really just be broken. Yeah. It's imperfect to be perfect. And that is quite all right. And that is quite all right. Do you feel like your transition is happening like fast or slow? That's a really good question.

I feel like time flies generally, but I think now that I'm in this, like the last few years I've been in this, this space of I've identified things about myself. I'm more self-aware.

I can accept things, good and bad. I'm in a good relationship. I'm living in a good place. I really love my job. Like, I feel like now it's slower. Right? Before it was like, it felt like, oh, like scrambling. Yeah. To try to figure out, okay, what's next? What's next? And I still have an element of that, like those feelings, but I don't feel like it's so like dire. Mm-hmm.

Right. Like it's not like I need it right now. So I feel like to answer your question now, I feel like the transitions are a little bit slower. And so I have time to kind of like feel it, recognize it, appreciate it and and kind of think ahead a little bit more. That's nice. Yeah, that's real beautiful. What about you and your transitions? Do you feel like they they slow? They've gotten quicker changes. Mine feel like they're in slow motion more so.

These days, like they take their time. I don't even feel like I have any control over it. Is that a good thing or?

I think it's good from the perspective that I think it's all happening for my good. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I think everything is happening in the exact way that it's supposed to. Like, I really believe that and I really trust it, even though it sucks during the process. But like, I've gotten to the point where I'm like, this feels right. Yeah. Like, this is everything that I said I wanted. Yeah.

So we're getting there, just not in the way that I thought. Yeah, I trust it. Yeah. I trust my transition. Yeah. That's good. That's what...

One of my affirmations that I've been using for a while is like everything in divine timing. Yes. And it's true. It's like you said, if you're patient, then you eventually see it come through. Right. Whatever you manifested. It may not be exactly as you manifested it. But if you look back, you're like, I actually did ask for this. I did. Exactly. Exactly.

That's what happens at the end of it, I feel like. At the end of weird transitions that you have no control over, sometimes you're just like, this is actually what I asked for. So sometimes that happens. I was thinking about it before we got on here too. It was like,

I feel like looking at this as more of an adventure. Yeah. Like instead of it feeling just uncertain and scary. Yeah. Since we can't get out of the fact that we're consistent, like every single second is a new moment. Yeah. We can't get out of it. You're consistently transitioning. So thinking of it as an adventure, I think could be helpful too. I love that.

Because I love adventure. There we go. Yeah. So I, yeah, it's just funny because I love adventure on my terms. On your terms. So it's like, I'm going to choose to go hiking today. Yeah. Right. But, but you're right. I think that's a really good way to look at it because that's what life is. And it's like the day, the times in your life that weren't an adventure, it's just like boring. That's not something you're going to write about. Right. Yeah.

So what are you looking forward to in this adventure of new baby or just this not even new baby necessarily, but just next phase? I'm just I guess I'm curious. I'm really curious because I'm like, I don't you know, I don't know what to expect. Like all I can pull my ideas from, you know, things that I've seen that we've all seen people we know the advice, the books, all that.

But like, I don't know what to expect. And so that's, it makes me curious. Like, and not just about, like I said, just being a parent, but like the internal stuff, like what am I going to be like? Right. Like who, who am I? Who will I be? And you know, who will my partner be? You know, how will this change our family dynamics with our own families? You know, separate, how will this make us a family? Like,

And I'm also really curious of like,

who is this person that's just about to be in my life? Right. Like, just here, not compromising. We have a third roommate. Yeah. Like, you know, what is her personality going to be like? You know, like, are we going to get along? Like, what are her opinions going to be like? So I'm just really curious, like, how is this all going to go? Yeah. But yeah, that's how I'm looking forward to this adventure. Like, learning and I guess, like,

Also learning how to be patient because that's not my strong suit. But the self-awareness, you got it. So you, you dance. Yeah. Yeah. First step. You're on the path. Well, so at the end of each episode, we always reframe this limiting belief to fit more within our desired reality. And so I always go back to the first episode, which I think was with you and the,

I think that it was about... I think it was actually about being married by 30. I think so. We definitely talked a lot about relationships and expectations in relationships. Well, so I always give the limiting belief of if I'm not married by 30, then I'm a failure. And then I reframe that to say...

I don't even have to get married. I can start a partnership at a time that's right for me. Like, fuck the societal timeline. It's not even real. Yeah. We have options out here. We don't got to stick with what everybody tells us to do. Yeah. So. So, OK, let me ask you really quick. Sorry. No problem. When you were first doing that, right, like we were reframing, did it feel like

I'm convincing myself. And now is it like really ingrained or at the time you were like, I believe this wholeheartedly. You mean like in 2019 when we first did these? I don't know if I was reframing on purpose at that point.

I don't know if I was. I think it just was kind of happening. Like, I don't even know if I asked you to reframe it. I don't remember. You know, but I think it just kind of naturally happened by the end of it and then I adopted it. But with the reframes, you don't always have to believe it in the moment, but it's

knowing that it's a true possibility of what could be. Yeah. It's like an affirmation. Yeah. It's like an affirmation. Yeah. So like in the moment, you don't necessarily have to believe it, but you have to believe that it's a possibility. Right. And that if you want that possibility, you better start believing it. I love that.

That's true. So say it as much as you can. Try to internalize it. And then at some point you will believe it and it will be your life. But if you don't try to switch your mindset, you ain't going nowhere. If you don't even try. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Reframing affirmations. It's real though. It's real. Like you said, you have to believe in the possibility of it, right? Because even if you don't feel it,

You can not feel it and still believe it to be true. Right. Like not feel it in the moment. Right. Yeah. No. Yeah. And then even with that. So I interviewed a neuroscientist at one point. And because I was like at one point I was so into neuroscience, like into neural pathways in the brain and how all that kind of stuff works. Like truly once you she was saying that once you identify, like once you

identify a particular thought that you have and then you replace it with something like it really starts to break down chemicals in your brain. The negative ones start to break down, the new ones start to build up and you really start to build those new neural pathways. So there's like true science behind the type of stuff. Yeah.

Like neuroplasticity or... Yeah, neuroplasticity. It's all real. It's real. It's all real. Yeah. Which is exciting because that means you can change your life. Yeah. But you can only do that if you choose to. Yep. We have some control here. Mm-hmm. Yeah. In a good way. Yeah. So if we were reframing this limited belief of you...

can't move into the unknown confidently or you can't thrive in uncertainty or you can't feel secure in uncertainty. How would you reframe that? I think more within our desired reality. Yeah, I think that it's all the opposite, right? Like we can. And I think one of the things that you read from the ASA tips were like looking back on

being in some of those situations where you were scared or, you know, I was scared or I was unsure about what was happening and like,

You know, even though when I first moved to New York, like I cried like the first week, like I can't wait to go back to California. Oh, that's funny. But here I am. Right. And so it's like looking back and seeing like how things unfolded. Right. And how I was able to to get through those things. Right. And thrive. I think thinking about how, you know, you were able to do that can be applicable now. And yeah.

And I love what you said about the unknown is an adventure, right? So for me, that's what I'm going to be thinking now. We're like moving into this new year and this transition, like this is an adventure. I'm going to be learning all kinds of new stuff, like,

It's going to be crazy. It's going to be happy. It's going to be all the things. But it's going to be a story. It's going to be fun. Right? And that's what... You'll write it from joy. Exactly. You'll write it from a point of joy. Exactly. Well, I'm going to have all these stories when I'm an old lady just sitting on the porch with my drink. Like, just dressed up for no reason. With your tea, with your sweet tea. Yeah, with my sweet tea. But I think it's the opposite of what you said, like reframing. Like, I can...

You know, you can move confidently into the unknown, right? You can feel secure moving into the unknown and remembering that the situation changed, right? But not who you are, right? Like you can feel secure in, you know, the things that you brought from your journey and move into that space confidently and know that you can handle it. Like you're good. Your approach is going to be, you know, it's going to be everything. And the situation will just fall into place.

Yay. Thank you, Karina. Thank you. Of course. Well, so if anybody wanted to connect with you, where can they find you? They can find me on Instagram at Ms. Winn. M-S-W-I-N-N. And like you said, the name hasn't changed. Not yet. We'll see.

Hey, your own timeline. Do your thing. Yes. Yes. And y'all know where you can find me. I am at Lauren.E.Will on Insta and probably the same thing on TikTok. I really don't remember. It might be underscores on TikTok. Oh, no, I'll be posting on there. No way. But anyways, I will chat with y'all next week, listeners. And don't forget, it is possible to be imperfect and phenomenal at the same damn time. Talk to y'all next week. Farewell. Bye.

so