You Can('t) Let Life Unfold
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Good day, good people. Today's episode of Imperfectly Phenomenal Woman, I am talking to my good friend, Aaliyah Rihanna. And this girl has been there for me through so much stuff. So I thought it'd be dope if we could just, you know, take some time and reflect. We graduated from grad school in 2019. Just look back on what happened from 2019 to 2025.

It has been a wild ride of a time. If you're new here, I'm Lauren. And usually on each episode, I'm talking to different women about limiting beliefs that hold us back from living fully and authentically. We didn't have a specific limiting belief in the beginning, but we come to one at the end.

And in this episode, we talk about everything from, you know, that timeline that we all try to live up to, how we tried so hard to control what was going to come next for us, our experience with both moving back home and coming home to ourselves. Bro, we were so ambitious. We were.

So ambitious and blinded by our ambition. Talk about our changing priorities, trust, all of these different things that we have learned about ourselves and each other over the last few years. At the time, we were 28 and 29 years old and

You know, going into your 30s, you have a lot of thoughts on what you need to do, what you need to accomplish and what that expectation is. At least we did. And I know these learnings can apply to whether you're going into your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, etc.

And so if you're about to go into the next chapter of anything in your life, this could be an interesting one for you. So let's get into it. This is Aaliyah, and this is what she would tell herself if she could go back to 2019. What is it? Five, six years later? Yeah, like five, six years later.

What would you tell yourself? So what's the first thing that you came up with? Wow. Yeah. And, you know, in keeping with being a good student, I wrote them down. Of course. Yeah. First, how do you feel about the prompt, though? How do you feel about this question? Oh, my gosh. It really it was so perfect because.

It's an interesting year. It was, you know, the year right before COVID. I feel like a completely different human. Like that girl, I just feel so innocent. Like, oh, I just graduated. The world is so full of possibilities. And now it's like, wow, that's a good chunk of time to reflect on. Yeah.

I feel like, I mean, we've talked the whole time, so we know we've been through so much in that time. Yeah. It's just so interesting.

that you chose that moment, you know, to like go back to. And I feel like I have a lot to say to that version of me. I'm excited to hear this stuff. I really am. When you said innocent, there is something that there was really this innocence that I feel like I had too in 2019 that

I don't necessarily feel like I have in the same way anymore. I don't know what it is, but let's chat. What's your first thing that you would tell your 2019 self? There's plenty of time. That's a good one. Okay, where's that come from? It's just this sense of urgency. I think me and maybe a lot of us felt right before COVID like, oh, I got to get all the things. I want to hustle. I want to like...

you know, make a name for myself or do all the things. And I think that, you know, the world really slowed down a lot. And I don't think we kind of came out the same way. Like, I think I know for both of us, like that drive to like hustle and all that, like just completely left our bodies. Yeah.

I'm like, no, actually, like, let's relax and like, let's live a balanced life and have fun. And you mean the hustle left our bodies now as compared to then? Yeah. Yes. Okay. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

Like, especially like after graduation, it's like, okay, now what? Like now what am I going to do? And I have to hit these certain milestones, make this amount of money and do these things. And it's like, oh God, like the pressure that I feel like I put on myself. How old were we? I know. I think we were like the same age too. So 28, I was 28. You were probably 29. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think it was 29, like right before 30. And it's like, okay, like, exactly. Like, yes, 30 was on its way. We were ready to accomplish. You and I.

we were ready to accomplish all the things. And with such force, like we were such force. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, well we have to be important people and we have to be them now. And like, just we were, we were on something, you know? And now how are you feeling? Yeah. Just a lot more balanced. Like I truly believe that it,

Who I am and my inner world and my connection to source a lot more important than like what I'm doing here on this planet, on this, on this go around, you know, like it's important to me of course, but it's, I'm not putting it on the, on the pedestal. I used to. Yeah. Like it's going to come, it's going to come in time and I'm working towards it and I don't have to be

I don't have to prove, I don't, you know, just, yeah, let it be like a fun, creative expression instead of like something to accomplish. - I love that. Let it be a fun, creative expression instead of something to accomplish. That's so good. I a thousand percent feel all of that. Just for knowing where both of us are right now, we are in like this time of rest in a way.

And the grind was a thing for us back then. The grind is no longer. The grind is no longer. Okay, I'm gonna share mine. We'll go back and forth. Yeah, so I was wanting to hear yours. Yeah. So my next, well, my, one of the things I would tell myself in 2019, I would say you'd

you would never guess where you're about to go next. And like, you would never guess what you're about to try next because in 2019, that's when I launched this podcast and I never would have thought one, that I'd still be doing it. That's one. Two, I never would have thought that a docu-series would be the thing that I tried next, like film.

You never in a million years could have told me I would be trying to do a film festival. Like, where did that come from? That's so cool. And so it makes me think now, like, what things do I have no idea about that will happen in the next, like, however many years? It's like my imagination isn't even big enough for it. That gave me chills. Yeah.

So what's your next one? It's funny because I think I was trying to capture the essence of what you just said. Like there's so many unknowns. And I think I, similar to the accomplishment, I had such a linear path for myself or like I thought I knew what I wanted and needed. And I thought if I do this thing,

and then why, and I live here, and then I do this. And then, yeah, I feel like life just completely surprised me and took me where it wanted me to go. And yeah, some of the things too, I never thought I would be doing or living or whatever. And it's really amazing when we are on that ride, when we could just, I don't know, just be...

present for like what's happening that part is so hard yeah that part is so hard especially for your journey too I feel like it's been like not what you expected yes good things like with the podcast and the docuseries but also like things you didn't expect on that journey to doing that for sure um when you were talking to it made me think of like

We had such an attempt to control things. My God, you're really calling us out like that. That's what it is, though. We had such a desire to control our lives and what was coming next. And wow. Wow. Has it been out of our control? Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, very humbling. Very humbling. But like, not in a bad way. Not at all. Yeah, I definitely think some moments were very uncomfortable, you know, but like, overall, I think there's a lot of peace when you just really like, ah, I don't have control, actually. And like, maybe just get used to that. Yep. But then while you were talking to for some reason, the thing that came up was like,

thinking about how the job that I currently have, I never would have thought that I would end up in Helsinki. It's such a random place or in Santiago or like these different places that I've had the opportunities to go to or like the opportunity to go to Hong Kong, even though I said no, but just who would have known that that's where I'd be. And then this next place that I think I'm about to go to,

It's all just what? Are you saying we're in it? No. Okay. Not yet. It has not been, it's not solidified. It's in the progress, but wow. Just consistently. Wow. Yeah. Amazing. Okay. I'll go to my next one. Okay. Another one. And this goes along kind of with what you were saying of the things along our journey. Yeah.

So that you wouldn't have expected. So I have spent time with family now. Capital N-O-W. Never could have told me that in 2019, I'd have 19, 20, 21, 22, like three years left with my grandpa, four years left with my grandma. Absolutely could have never told me that. I just knew my grandma was living to 100. No, I'm just remembering those times with you. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I'm like FaceTiming you and your grandma's house and all that. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like we never know how much longer we have with people. Yeah. And we take for granted, I think sometimes the opportunity to spend time with them. And if I had told myself that in 2019, like, hey, you got four years left with these people.

I would have literally packed up my stuff and moved home. So I'm glad that I did because that's exactly what I did anyways in 2022. I know, same year and it's so crazy, 2022. It reminds me of that hero's journey or that famous parable or story where he wants to go and find the meaning of life and then he goes on all these adventures and then it brings him right back to home.

And it's like, that's so true because same with you. Like, I feel like I'm just so appreciative of my family now, like the way I am with them. I think before it's like, oh, like I want to get away. Like, you know, there's like that teenage angst, but in your twenties, you know, I want to like be independent. I want to like be my own person. And like, they're cramping my style, you know? And I feel like now I'm like so grateful for them. I'm like, these are the

like love me through and through like yeah I don't need to prove anything to them like it's okay to be regular like yeah so that's so interesting you don't have to be exceptional and I say that because I was talking to a girl at my church yesterday about

the word exceptional because I felt like I couldn't do something because I saw something that said exceptional something and was like, oh, that's not me. But we don't have to be exceptional. The crazy thing is we are, but like we don't have to strive for it. Yeah, it's about like just coming home to yourself, like knowing that you are and like, and I feel like we do waste so much time trying to like prove things and like go so far when we're

we can make an impact with the people in our lives and just go more inward and, you know, be exceptional for ourselves or whatever. Like, I feel like, I mean, maybe it's a societal thing, just trying to prove, you know, as an individual, individualistic society, like, hey, we're this exceptional person, like pay attention to me and yada, yada. So. Yeah, I think we've just become more grounded.

I would say my family thinks that too. Yeah. And how long have you been living at home now? Like two years. Yeah. Two years, a couple of years. Maybe this is going on my third, but yeah, like two years for sure. Yeah. And I lived at home for two years too. Never could have probably told us that that would have happened. I know. But that's another piece too is home feels so good.

I lived in D.C. and for so long in New York where we met, for so long I was trying to run away from Richmond. And then I came back here and I'm like, wow. Ten years later, like this feels like a good place. And I love that you feel that. Yeah. So good. And getting to see it too is really special. Yeah. I'm so glad you were here the whole time. I know.

Yeah. Oh, that's another one. Okay. I'll do that one. Oh, is it your turn or my turn? I think it's my turn, but it's okay. Go, go, go, no, go. Or like have it. Um, if it relates, you're welcome to, I can like kind of list mine too. Well, cause we say it, we're saying a lot of things all in each of these. So go, I'm sure whatever you say will also connect to it. Um, yeah.

Kind of similar note to like home and all that. What's meant for you will find you. And it's okay to let go when it's not working. Those are good. I know. Any particular examples of those? Yeah, definitely friendships, relationships. I think, you know, maybe the transition from...

teens, 20s to like then people having their own lives and married and babies and, you know, maybe just naturally grow apart or, you know, especially with dating and relationships, you date someone, it's exciting. And then, you know, you're not aligned and, you

you know, the 30 thing, like, okay, well, you know, I'm at this milestone or whatever, you know, you try to make it work. And it's just like, it's okay. Like, it's okay if it's not. And just having the courage and truly believing like God is outlining and like wants you to have what's meant for you. And I think the kind of easier you can let it go, the faster it'll come.

It can be really hard to let that stuff go. Yeah. Because it's almost like that's all you know, and it feels like your safe space. And then you realize it's more like a fake space. Like you're not even really free there. So yeah, that's a really good one. Mm-hmm.

And I think too, like the whole like marriage and the next chapter, the next stage, whatever with people, like, I don't think, you know, in our teens and 20s, people are really taking that step. But I think it really is like a benchmark of who's aligned. And, you know, we're all going in our own directions. And it kind of just shows, yeah, are you going to be in the next chapter? You know, are you guys like that tight to like, keep the bond going for this next chapter?

chapter of your lives. And it is really hard because yeah, you grew up with these people and you're once a staple in each other's lives or going to college. And yeah, you don't have those shared experiences anymore. And so it can feel really like, yeah, sad to let that go. But I think people who are committed to their own growth and development and meeting more like minded people, I think it just frees up a lot more space to then attract people who are

more like-minded and who know this adult version of you and can navigate conflict with you know one another and yeah just be a more like adult relationship i just thought about us navigating conflict oh you and i have navigated some conflict yeah and they're not even like big things but it's always yeah yeah it's just like the ability to grow with someone it's yes oh like i'm like

Okay, do you just not talk about feelings or anything? Like, it's really interesting, you know, how people live their lives. But yeah, not to focus on other people. No, but that's so interesting, too, because a lot of time we think about growing with people. I think a lot of the time we think about it as growing with partners. I guess I never experienced growing with

with friendship. But when I say that, like, for example, you and I's friendship, we have grown, like grown together. Yeah. Like, I don't even know how to explain it so that people understand what I'm saying. Mm hmm.

We have helped each other grow. Oh my God. I was just like, I was going to add that on. Like I reflected things that you reflected things to me and it's like, okay, like it helps me as a person grow. Yes, but different.

than a lot of things. Like it's soul level stuff, which is so dope. But that is my next thing. It was, you're going to make amazing new friends who are currently strangers. Yeah. You've met a lot of good people. I've met so many good people. Like bro, soul level people who are all strangers to me in 2019. Yeah.

And as we talk about a lot of this stuff, it keeps just like this thing of what's going on. Who are the strangers right now to me that I'm going to run into later? They're just out there living their life. They might DM me and that's how we meet. You really never know how...

We're going to connect with this next set of people in our lives who are going to really be the people that we need. It's so crazy. Everything just feels so different than 2019. And I feel like you have such an open heart. Like you really like you jump on calls with people. You share your truth. You like do co-working things. Like I feel like you're really putting yourself out there for that community. Mm hmm.

Yeah, that was that's an effort to purposeful, like intentional. And at first, I think I was really distracted by all of our ambition. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. What a good insight. And now the priorities are just totally different. The priorities now and I'm curious about what you would say your priorities are now. I think the priorities now are different.

relationships period why are we like always realizing things at the same time always we're always on the same literally relationships period agreed so much and like I feel sometimes myself like if I want to be distracted or like oh I gotta do something I'm like no like let's

make an appointment with this person. Yes. Let's spend quality time. Let's do a little thing, send a text, be together and really give them my all. Like I think sometimes I would be like a little zoned out for whatever reason, or maybe it's taking people for granted, you know, like, oh, I could be this or doing that, or I could be accomplishing or whatever. And like, now I think I'm just, yeah, just so present with people and

And building so much in relationships and wanting to have, yeah, great partnership, friendships, like all the things. And at the end of the day, I think that's like all that matters. And the illusion is that other things matter more. The illusion. Yeah. I love that word. Could be. Could have. No, it just has a strong grip sometimes, that illusion. Yeah.

That's good. It's your turn. Did you have another one? I only said three initially, but just in case you wrote any others. Oh, yeah. I have, yeah, I have like, I'll say one more. You will heal from your perceived greatest disappointments. And I'll combine it with the other is that mindset is truly the most important thing.

I was going to say we're so young, but it doesn't matter the age, but it's like, we will recover. It's just a moment. It's just a chapter and just keeping that mindset strong, keeping like our relationships strong, our support system. I think I really learned that kind of piggy, piggy off the last thing. Like, yeah, you really see like who's in your corner and who can help pick you up and just having a larger view of life. Like,

Life is long. I heard that once someone told me that instead of life is short, life is long. And sometimes it's just remembering it's like a season or a phase in life and you will recover and you will, there's just so much like kind of the unknown thing. Like there's so much to learn out there, so much to experience. There's so many people to meet, whether it's like not living in that city or

I wanted to the person that you thought you'd be with or whatever it is, the friendships you thought you'd have, you know, like it's truly just like about like keeping the momentum going and knowing like there'll be so many other things to experience. It's okay to like let it go and transition and move on. And like life is still like unfolding. Ooh, ooh, life is still unfolding.

Can you read the first one again? Not the first, first one, but in this thing. Yeah. Yeah. You will heal from your perceived greatest disappointments. That's so big. Cause when we're in that struggle, boy, oh boy, are we in that struggle of the lowest lows of your life sometimes? And then you will heal from your perceived disappointments.

not your actual it won't necessarily be your actual the whole time things will change and life is still unfolding there's so much more still under the folds so good love that um my last one was god is real oh lord i didn't know that in 2019 i did not know that and

Like I know that, like I know my name at this point. Like I am so certain and so aware and so clear on the fact that we live in this supernatural world. We are spirits, like all that kind of stuff. I know that that is real now. And in 2019, little baby grad student Lauren was, she was kind of aware of that, but she was running from it.

But now that I know that, that changes absolutely everything. And that is the thing that fills me to no end. Like the Bible talks about like you get this bubbling well that never runs dry, bro. When you get to experience that part, that bubbling well that never runs dry, bro.

It's the best feeling ever. There's nothing more in my life that I want than that feeling consistently. And I always know that I get to have it and feel it and experiencing it. But like when you get to finally know God, like, whoa, it's the best thing in the world. Best thing. Can't ask for more. Wow. It's so powerful. Ooh. Then,

So I think the last thing that we'll do is because while you were talking was like I had this thought about what I would say to past Aaliyah. Oh, my God. And what you might say to past Lauren. Wow. OK. Do you want to go first? You want me to go first? You have something? I don't have something yet.

um well it's not necessarily what i would say to you but it's something that came up so i kind of have something is um past alia was so you were kind of timid you wanted to be liked you it's not that you craved acceptance i'm thinking about when we went to that vision board party you just wouldn't talk like you wouldn't open your mouth

I guess the thing that's coming to my mind is like little Aaliyah, you don't know your power. Like walk into your power because you already got it. You are that girl. And like you wanted so badly to be that girl. And now you are that girl slash woman. Like you absolutely are her. You are no longer timid. You like...

are willing to go for the things that you want, like you will step out and do your thing. You are very confident now. You were not that girl in 2019 at all. And so like this version of Aaliyah, like you are the person that you've always wanted to be. Even though you probably don't realize that, but you're the person you've always wanted to be. I truly appreciate it. Mm hmm.

but it's so true you're like you're so much more grounded and you're so much more confident and you just like go for the things now you believe in yourself you believe in yourself in a way that you didn't used to that's what it is yeah yeah i know i think life just was like thing you know such a good teacher that's what yeah especially especially the disappointment and especially like having people like you be like

come on. Like, I remember you used to be like, show them or whatever. Like, I think, yeah, I think our friendship has meant so much, you know, to be that mirror and just be like, what are you doing? Like, you know, or even just seeing you, you're like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh my gosh. Okay. Yeah. It's been very healing. That's so funny to me. You just be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, that's what I feel like you do. Yeah, exactly. I definitely do. Like, I remember sometimes we would be, like, in one of, like, the classroom spaces where an event was going on, and you would just, like, make friends with one of the girls there or something, and I'm like, you're like, oh, my new friend, da-da-da, like, whoever, and I'm like, oh, my gosh. You know, your heart was a lot more open. I feel like I've been able to see how close I was

And oh, that my heart, like my heart was really closed. And it's funny that it even made it to my list because that disappointment, like I couldn't handle that before. I couldn't handle being disappointed. And now I feel like I've really learned. Yes. Like it's okay to be disappointed and my heart can still like recover and be open and be

not kind of go through life with that fear. Like I've got me, it's okay. Like I can be nice and talk and express myself and like all as well, you know? Sounds like you trust yourself. Trust myself, yeah. And that was like the medicine all along, you know? So, no. So good. It's funny too, because it's just kind of something I clicked together recently. Man, trusting yourself makes all the difference.

When you don't trust yourself, it holds you back from so much. Yeah, it's funny you say that too because I'm thinking like, what would I tell you? And I feel like when you had just said that back to me, I feel like that's one of the things I would tell you. Truth. Yeah, because it's like, I think truly like these past years have been about coming back

to that vision you have for your podcast, this new project, who you are, how you want to live your life. Like, I think it's for you actually been a lot of like choosing yourself over and over and over again, like lots of little situations have come up and it's like trusting God, trusting that vision, trusting yourself. I feel like that's been your most powerful like practice. Yeah.

The most powerful practice piece that might be one of my most powerful practices, trusting. And even if I don't fully trust doing it anyways. Yeah. But there's something about you that is so inspiring. That's why I feel like people are truly inspired by you. Because, yeah, even if you don't fully believe it, you do go for it. You do trust yourself. You trust that like 60, 70, 80%. Never wait for that 100%. Mm-mm.

And that's always been inspiring. And that's so interesting because I got a text like two days ago, people be messaging me. They, I've noticed that that is the word that people use when they describe me sometimes is inspiring. Like that's the word that comes up from random people. Yeah. And even just, I mean, how you are, like you put your podcast out on Tuesday and you get it done and you like, look, you know, when you started, like you've,

Committed to that and I feel like that builds self-trust to like I'm gonna do it for this song and this many episodes or whatever like I would just say yeah, keep trusting yourself and kind of like a little bit like Hang on and you got this, you know, I think I don't know. Yeah, you're just inspiring in whatever Whatever path you choose or however you flip it like all the projects you have going on despite everything like

It's very, very admirable. Just how you choose to get up again and do all the things you're passionate about. I think the whole Dolan is really good, too. Because 2019, Lauren, I've gone through some stuff these last few years. Like some stuff. And the whole Dolan...

one brace yourself one brace yourself hold on and two so i'm like i'm not exactly sure i type of like hold on girl that's not what that's not how i took it when you said it but when i said it just now one brace yourself hold on and two like just keep going that's good word i like that

Well, thank you, Aaliyah, for joining me. I don't know if there's a reframe. At the end of each episode, we always reframe the limiting belief that holds us back from living fully and authentically. Is there any limiting belief that you feel like comes out of this? If not, that's okay, too. Something along the lines of it's okay to change or not know, for you to change, for life to change. Maybe the limiting belief is...

It's never going to change or something like that. So you'd reframe that. I don't think that's the right answer, though. That didn't feel right. What else do you think? You can't trust the process. That feels right-ish. One more. Okay.

This is how Mina Lee's regular phone conversations are, by the way. I know. We used to have all these longer conversations. Yes. Like an hour. An hour to two hours. Yeah. Like two hours. Let's see. It's feeling like you can't trust the process. That's feeling right to me. Okay. How life unfolds. You can't trust that life. Ooh, there we go. That's good. That's good. Yeah.

All right. So if we were reframing, you can't trust how life will unfold. How would you reframe that to fit more within your desired reality? You can trust how life unfolds, but you just got to let go of how you think it should be, the control of how you want it to be, and just let life unfold. Hold on, girl. Hold on. Trust yourself. That's

All you can just stay grounded and get more grounded and who you are. And that's it actually, who you are, your support system, your relationships. Yeah. The rest is up to God. Yep. I ain't even gonna add nothing there. So good. All right. Well, if people wanted to connect with you, where can they find you?

They can find me on social, pretty much just Instagram right now, just at Aaliyah, A-L-I-A, and then R-E-H-A-N-A, all one thing. I offer executive function coaching services. That's basically through the lens of academics. I support K through college students to not just only like succeed in school, but

but also learn the skills of how to succeed. So how do you build a calendar for yourself? How do you, you know, work backwards from studying for an exam so that it's not just about the content or the subject. It's kind of about building these like lifelong skills. Perfect. Organization and all that. Yeah. Do you have the website? They can book with me on my website. Oh, it's the same thing. AliyahRihanna.com. Perfect. Perfect.

And if you want to connect with me, you know where you can find me. I am at IP woman podcast on Insta on Twitter. No, I'm not just on Insta. I'm kind of on Tik TOK, but I don't be doing in there anyways. I people in my podcast too. I don't be posting there like that. I just be posting love for people these days. Honestly, on that page, I'm doing this like roses thing. Um, but yeah, connect with us, DM us, whatever. I do respond to DMS. I be in my DMS. Hmm.

So yeah. Anything else you want to add, Aaliyah? It was just so good to reply. I think we need the reflection moments. Yeah. See how far we've come. We've come so far. And so much further to go, girl. Here we go.

So true. The next five, six years, let's see where we land. All right, listeners. Thanks for tuning in. And we will chat with y'all next week. All right, y'all. Farewell.