738. Burnt Out? You Might Need a Break from Self Improvement
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Welcome to the Almost 30 Podcast. I'm Lindsay. And I'm Krista. And we're your hosts, guides, and friends on this path. Almost 30 is not about your age. It's about the feeling. All of us are almost something, seeking community and resources to support the rumblings of transformation within us. Our conversations are deep dives, shepherded by our insatiable curiosity and desire for connection, enduring inspiration, and a sense of levity that we can all benefit from.

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Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Almost 30 Podcast. It's Lindsay Simsek. I am super excited and feeling blessed that you're here. This is a solo episode, Krista and I do solo episodes every single month on topics that feel super juicy and relevant to us. And today's topic is about

When it might be time to take a freaking break from doing the work, from being in therapy, from just being so obsessed with fixing yourself. I recently kind of stepped into a season last year of becoming a mother, as you all know. I talk about it ad nauseum, so thanks for bearing with me. But

One of the biggest things that I have come to realize is that prior to having a child, my obsession with myself and doing the work on myself and...

Just like thinking about myself in all ways was real. And it's not uncommon and it's not unhealthy. But this season of pouring into another human being, of kind of reprioritizing my life has actually...

just shown a light on the importance of taking a break, taking a break from that self-focus. What I want to say at the outset is that doing work on yourself is just such a brave, brave, important thing to do.

I'm not saying that we drop it altogether, but I think in the world that in which we live now, which is social media, the internet, things access, we're able to access things just at our fingertips at all times. We're able to see people's lives or like the image of people's lives at all times. And I think what can happen is that

We are inundated with information, so much so that we have like analysis paralysis. We don't actually take action on what we're consuming, even though it might be content that is super helpful or inspirational or thought provoking. And we're also in a time where like, you know,

The self-focus is real because I think a lot of us have this like presence online and we're kind of comparing ourselves and looking at ourselves in relation to other people, especially that like image online. And it becomes just all consuming.

And I think what happens too is we kind of forget to actually implement what we have learned about ourselves and integrate it into our everyday lives, into our relationships, into how we show up at work, in the home, to the purposeful things we want to do in our lives. So I want to talk about it today. I want to talk about my own personal experience

And I want to talk about just what it looks like when we might be getting to a point where we need to take a little break and why it's really, really important. I have some notes here on my phone that I was scribbling on my way to the studio. So if I'm looking down, if you're watching YouTube, that's what I'm looking at. But I had or experienced a season of my life from about 2008

I would say 17 to 2022, 21, where...

I was really obsessed with quote, healing myself, especially before I reconnected with my now husband. I really wanted to be the best version of myself for the person that I was going to call into my life as my life partner. I didn't think necessarily that I had to be perfect to

or so I thought. But the way that I was working on myself and so obsessed and self-focused, I actually was kind of going for that perfection. And how I know that is that when I did finally reconnect with my now husband,

So much came up around this idea of not being healed yet and not being perfect. And I was blaming, you know, the fights we were having on just the things I needed to fix about myself. And he really helped me to realize that he really, truly loves all parts of me, even the parts that are in progress, even the parts that are broken, even the parts that are imperfect. And

And that alone was incredibly healing for me. But being in that new relationship also just gave me permission to kind of

be in my life, you know, be in my life rather than talking about my life, whether it was in therapy or coaching sessions or whatever else I was investing in to make myself better. Um, and that was really, really good for me.

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close to you somewhere. Text ALMOST almost to 64000. That's 64000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. Fast forward into getting pregnant and having a child and being in my first plus first and a few months year of motherhood. Um,

Honestly, I do therapy once every two weeks. And that's kind of about it as far as like my self-improvement goes. However, that's not totally true. I feel like every single day when I show up,

and I am with my son, I am able to actually practice what it means to be present, what it means to be patient with myself and with others, what it means to be intentional, what it means to let go of control.

many things that I worked on so pointedly in therapy, in my sessions with coaches, in my reading, in my exercises and meditations and journaling prompts and all the things. So I'm actually able to practice it

And in a way that is not so self-focused, it kind of becomes, and this word is hilarious, but kind of fits like it becomes the salve to my every day. The work that I've done

shows up in these micro moments that are potentially mundane to other people. But for me, I really experience the benefits of the work that I've done. And the only way that I can experience these benefits is by taking a break from the intense focus

on the healing and the fixing, right? Or just the reflection and just being so in it. So why does this matter? Why does it matter that we just kind of take a pause from this? Honestly, I'm going to be extreme and say obsession. It is really important because

like over-emphasis on self-improvement can become a feeling of intense burnout and you don't even know it. You could have a stack of self-help books on your bedside table. Maybe you've read it

a page of one or two each night. Maybe you have your very strict schedule routine where you are journaling and then you're doing your visualizations and then you are reflecting on what you talked about in therapy yesterday. By the way, all of these things are incredible, right? And they serve a purpose, but we have to step away. And it can become kind of this

placeholder, this doing, doing, doing, this talking about it, talking about it can become this like placeholder, almost like a block between you and actually living it and actually experiencing it. And honestly, the last reason why I think this is so important is that

Oftentimes, my overemphasis on doing the work really stole my joy in the moment. I don't know about you, but sometimes, a lot of times, I would overanalyze the shit out of myself in every moment, in every relationship. What did I do wrong? Why was I triggered? What happened there? So all that to say...

This really matters. This really, really matters. And if nothing else...

treat it as an experiment. If you have been deep in the work, if you have been brave enough to go within and to tend to the parts of you that need to be tended to, to bring forth, you know, so much I think of the work is bringing forth that inner child, what he or she needs, what they're saying, what they're calling you to do, to not do. If you have done that,

I applaud you and give yourself a moment of breath and reprieve and permission to actually now be in your life. So what might be happening if this is a little too much right now, if you really need just a break, a pause from this intense doing the work on yourself, right?

Oftentimes when people are so inundated with this type of work, with going within, with being so introspective, being so obsessed with fixing themselves and healing themselves, there is this feeling of being perpetually inadequate despite all of your efforts, because there's just always something else that you could do better. So it's just that like

honestly black hole where it's really never, ever enough. And I just think that's such a fallacy. You know, I think any moment where you can show up with ultimate presence and recognize and be aware of what's coming up within you because of what's going on around you is a win. No matter what it looks like. Awareness period is like

Win, win, win. Okay. And probably half the work. So I just want to, you know, love on y'all who are feeling like you're just never good enough, despite doing all the things, all the things, saving all the Instagram posts with the inspiration, with the powerful pep talks, all the things, getting all the books, hiring, you know, all the experts and the coaches and the therapists. And yet you're still going in on yourself.

You also might be comparing yourself to other people's healing journeys, whether they look like yours or not. At the end of the day, every person's healing journey is completely different. There might be aspects that are similar, but it's like DNA. It is all very, very unique. So you really can't compare. You don't know the whole story. You don't know the depths and intricacies and nuances of someone's experience.

So if you find yourself comparing, it might be time to take a break. And another thing that I see a lot and I experienced was just this inability to experience like gratitude in my life and joy. I just felt like I didn't deserve it yet. You know, I felt like I hadn't gotten to a place in my own doing the work yet.

that like granted me the permission to like go off and just like be free and live a joyful life. You know, um, it was weird. It's like, sounds actually weird to say. Um, but it's true. It's like a weird feeling. I didn't allow myself to feel full joy and gratitude. So if you're feeling that way, it might be time to take a break.

So it was Christmas Eve and I brought Beams Dream Powder to my parents for Christmas Eve. And I know my mom sometimes struggles to fall asleep and stay asleep. So I was like, okay, I'm going to make her a little nighttime beverage before we leave, before she goes to bed.

And I'm going to see what's up. So Beam's Dream Powder is a science-backed healthy nighttime blend for sleep, and it's clinically shown to improve sleep and have you waking up refreshed. It's pretty incredible. I've been taking it for months now. I know some of you may have tried other sleep aids. They can cause grogginess. You just feel off the next day, but Dream contains a powerful all-natural blend of reishi

magnesium, alpha-ionine, apigenin, and melatonin. This helps you fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake up refreshed. It's pretty incredible. So I gave this to my mom. I made her like a little...

Bev of almond milk of Beams Dream Powder in the cinnamon cocoa. It tastes like a just delicious cup of hot chocolate. She loved it. She drank it down. Y'all call me the next day and she was like, are you kidding me? That was incredible. She slept so soundly, so well. And it just made my heart happy because sleep is so, so important for everything. It

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Okay. It is the new year and let's get to like the core. Let's get to like the foundational pieces of our health that affect everything else. And I am interested in my gut health. I don't know about you, but if my gut is off, everything is off. And so if you are someone that, you know, deals with bloating or poor digestion or maybe acne or things like that,

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I'm excited for you. Let's do this. Get ahead of the new year with a routine that helps you now by going to seed.com slash almost and use the code 25almost to get 25% off your first month. That's 25% off your first month of seeds. DS01 daily symbiotic at seed.com slash almost. That's code 25almost. Some other signs. So because you might be overanalyzing, because you might be really...

obsessed with just, you know, thinking about every thought and behavior of yours or people around you, uh, related to you, you might be exhausted. That is a lot of energy. That is a lot of energy going, uh, to a place that again is kind of like a black hole. Like there's always going to be things to analyze, right? Always, always.

So you might be experiencing just fatigue, lack of energy. Another sign is you might be neglecting other aspects of taking care of yourself because you are so consumed with doing the work. And, you know, I fully believe in just a whole body experience when it comes to

self-improvement and healing. And if you are so obsessed with just like fixing yourself and kind of fixing what happened in your past, and you are not in the present moment, nourishing yourself with amazing food, with movement, with connection. Oh man. Like it's, it's,

it's not going to bode well. Like your body is a partner in this journey of healing. So you might need a break if all of those things have kind of fallen off. You know, if you're kind of so obsessed with just overly analyzing who you are and the other things that fallen off, it might be time to take a break and actually kind of spread that energy and love to elsewhere. Another sign, and I know

A lot of you are going to be like, oh, damn, I'm seen. Obsessively consuming self-help content without taking meaningful action. Ooh, check my saved posts on Instagram circa like 2020 to 2022 probably.

I mean, how much inspirational content did I have? Like the quotes and the pep talks and the experts talking about this psychology and that and how we heal the mother. I mean, so many. Did I ever look at them again?

Um, I don't think so. And how many of those did I actually take action on or implement into my everyday life? Not many, to be completely honest. It is information overload. It is too much to, uh,

It's too much to manage all of this content coming in. It really is. Our Instagram feeds, though fun and stimulating, I'm getting too much. I'm saving a lot, but I'm not going back. I'm not taking it in. I've noticed now in the present day, even so, my brain is

feels like it's changed. You know, it feels like it can't focus. It feels like a short-term memory almost. That sounds extreme. But I think with this like quick, quick scroll, scroll, like next, next, next, um, social media experience or internet experience has just changed the way our brains generally work. So it's important for me to take a break from consuming. Um, and

And especially if you're not taking action, I'm just the type and maybe you are the type to take action on every single thing. I just, I can't. And I usually don't. Um, especially via like internet inspiration. I usually get the inspiration or kick in the butt to actually take action when I'm working one-on-one with someone, say my therapist or a coach. Um, and yeah,

in my relationship with my husband, I feel like he keeps me accountable as well. Okay. So those, I feel like that's a good list for us to just kind of noodle on. Is that you? Are any of those descriptors maybe where you're at in your self-help journey? Because it might be time to pause. Why is pausing an important part of the process?

in any process, and I will just kind of liken it to the creative process because we are creating our lives, it is important, so freaking important to pause, to have, say, like a nothingness, a blank space of sorts, so that one, the ideas,

can actually find you or the concepts or things that you are reflecting on, aware of now can actually integrate. It's so, so important. Our brain cannot, cannot actually make change, cannot like create a new pathway if we are constantly consuming.

It's just too much. And for me, taking a break just brings me back to my body, my center, how I really feel and brings me out of just this kind of like psychosis of, I got to fix this. I got to fix myself or like, oh, that's inspirational. Okay. Yeah. Next, next, next. Give me the next thing that's inspirational. Quick hits, quick hits.

And it brings me back to just kind of this presence of like, I've come so far. I've done so much work on myself and I'm really, really proud. And maybe in this moment, I don't need to overanalyze who I am or where I'm at. Maybe I can just enjoy my life. And it's really in those moments and in that choice that we're able to feel that

how much the work that we've done is actually benefiting our lives. Otherwise, we're not able to feel it. We're just consuming too much. We're learning too much. We're overanalyzing too much. And that concept of integration, I just wanted to take a moment to point to integration, you know,

I kind of see it like the visual that comes to my mind is like just allowing the dust to settle after like a dust storm. Or maybe it's, you know, when there's like a really bad thunderstorm, lots of rain, kind of intense winds, dark skies, lightning, thunder, it's kind of chaos. And sometimes like our healing journey, there can be seasons where it feels like that, where it's like,

Oh my gosh, can I get a little break from this intensity? Just being knocked down or just feeling really overwhelmed. And you know, after one of those thunderstorms, like there's usually a crack in the clouds, the sun comes out and there's like a crispness and a quiet to the air and

And it's in that space that we're able to see and potentially understand the purpose of the storm and feel the peace and the beauty in its wake. So I know we can become kind of obsessed with the stimulation of doing the work and kind of being in that storm and obsessed with like identifying with that, to be completely honest. I see that a lot online being so obsessed with

your own story, your own things you need to fix about yourself, your own trauma. And we don't really allow ourselves to take a moment, pause and integrate.

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So lastly, I just want to share how we can take a break. Let's set boundaries with self-help content. You might be following a ton of people online with incredible information, incredible inspiration, experts and the like, and that's awesome. But maybe you mute them for a month. See how you feel. You can go so far as to maybe take a social media break.

Uh, maybe you're not listening to any self-help, uh, podcasts and you're listening to comedy podcasts or interesting nature podcasts. I don't know, but let's switch up the content. Like really look at what you're consuming. Maybe you read a book for fun. That's fiction and not like a self-help book. Trust me. I'm with you. I feel you. I have self-help books like everywhere. And it's so nice to dig into some fiction and just kind of lose yourself in a book.

Um, how about leaning into the activities that really bring you joy that just make you smile, make you laugh, bring joy to every cell in your body. Like what would your inner child really want to do? And seeing if you can become fully present in that activity. Um, it's a practice and I know our mind will try to convince us otherwise, but commit to it one a week. That's my challenge for you. Um,

And finally, you know, this sounds a bit cheesy, but actually the last two.

I love to bring in a little affirmations and I've been writing them on my bathroom window, bathroom mirror, bathroom mirror. I either use like a, you know, a marker that I can wipe off or a little lipstick. I don't wear a lipstick. So I just use lipsticks I don't use. And I write an affirmation. And this is just a reminder. This is a reminder around like

I'm, I'm enough as I am right now in this moment, you know, go on, be joyful, be grateful. And to have that reminder for myself has been so, so, so powerful. And finally, you know, I think relationships who bring out the joy and the silliness and the presence, like promote the presence in your life.

are really important. Sometimes we have friendships or relationships in general where like the self-improvement is like the focus. And I get that. And I think that's really important for certain seasons, but...

Let's get our friends together and just freaking be silly gooses. You know what I mean? Like let's really be in our lives, be doing things, not talking so much about the things that we want to fix about ourselves or whatever we're obsessing about.

Okay. So this is your permission. You can take a break. Maybe you tell your therapist like, Hey, I'm actually going to take a month off. I would love to pick back up. Hopefully they're understanding this. This is very normal and should be normal. My therapist is very like supportive of this. She's like, yeah, take a break, whatever you need. I'll see you. I'll see you when you're ready.

very healthy and much, much needed. So thanks for joining me for a solo. I would love to talk about this in the DMs. I'm at lindsaysimsic on Instagram. You can take a break from just obsessing over fixing yourself, obsessing over healing yourself and

This is a lifelong process and I don't say that to just overwhelm you. It's more just like we can live our lives as we become more aware and becoming more aware is a huge part of the process. Okay.

Love y'all. Thank you. Thank you. Remember, our book is on sale for pre-order. We appreciate you pre-ordering. It means so much to us. The link is in the show notes. You can also find it on Instagram at almost 30 podcast in our bio. All right. I'll see you on the next one. Bye.

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