774. The Vagina Whisperer on Orgasms, The Right Way to Pee, and MORE
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You guys, it is here, almost 30. The book is now available for purchase. It is a definitive guide to a life you love for the next decade and beyond. We wrote this because our late 20s wrecked us. And if we would have known that this was a period of possibility, we would have been so much better off. We were both feeling super lost, honestly, like questioning everything from our careers to relationships to

And we realized that no one really talks about how intense this time can be. And we wanted to create the book we wish we had back then, something that really moves people to their most aligned life possible without all the chaos. So anyone who wants to use these times of change and transformation as a portal to your highest potential needs to get this book. This is a guide to leveraging the messy times in your life.

and turning them into magic. The book is available anywhere you purchase books in person or online, like Amazon and Target, Barnes & Noble, and more. And we also have an incredible audiobook available on Audible. Thank you so much for getting the Almost 30 book, for supporting us, and supporting yourself in living a life that you love. We hope you enjoy.

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Stop by a Warby Parker store near you. Hello and welcome to the Almost 30 Podcast. Welcome, guys. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for being a part of our lives, our community, for the past...

Few years. The number just changes every single time. So we were on tour for the book Almost 30, which is out, which is incredible. But so many people were like, you guys are OGs. Like, stop. They're like, you've been doing this for 10 years. I'm like, stop saying that to me. That's true, though. We are OGs. I know they mean it as a good thing, but I'm like. We got to own it.

Yeah. We've been doing it for technically nine years. A lot of people just round up to 10. Just to make it sound- We've done that before. Round. I round down. You're like a few. I say a few. I don't want anyone to think I've been doing anything for too long. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Because I'm like Mr. Beast grew to 100 million. I'm just kidding. No, I feel like I just-

I don't know. I don't like to be tracked. I don't like people to know stuff. I'm getting weirder. I really am. I'm getting weirder.

Yeah, I just don't like for people to be like, oh, she was doing this for nine years and then she started doing this. I'm like, just don't, just listen to what I say. Totally. Don't do that. I know. Well, it is kind of trippy to like, when you break down certain people's trajectories and careers, you're like, whoa, life is long, I guess. Yeah, totally. You know what I mean? A lot of people, it's like they've been doing it for so much longer than you think or knew. Yeah. You know, behind the scenes or... Or the lead up to it, like even just thinking about...

okay, I was, you know, bartending for this long. And then I was with SoulCycle for four years before starting. You know what I mean? It's like, it's just weird because I feel a certain age internally where I'm like, how did that happen? How did all of that happen? And I'm still 27. I know. That's what I wonder. I'm like, how did I do this for 10 years and I'm 24? Actually, no. What's the age that's like? Because now 20s, I'm like, eh. Like 32? Yeah, 32 is a good one. 32 is cute. 32 is cute. Like 34.

Yeah, 32 is cute. You know what's funny is...

Never mind. I can't say that story. I can't say that story. I want to say this funny story though. So we had our book come out and my work wife, Cassidy, who lives in Chicago, she was my best friend when I was living in Chicago. She went to my college, but we were just so close. Because when you're working in corporate, when you're in your twenties, you're in the trenches, dog. You're just in the trenches. You don't know what's up or down or side to side. You're just experimenting and exploring this new layer of life.

And she was there for me through my whole process of getting with my ex and all of that and how painful that was. And now that I look back, I'm like, hmm. But anyways, so the guy I was talking about in the last episode, the guy, my boss that I had a crush on, that was the most emotionally unavailable person I've ever met in my life that I had a crush on. He was obsessed with Ronald Reagan. Okay. Okay.

So she sent me as a gift for the book launch, quotations of Ronald Reagan. And I'm like, dude, to have like... That's crazy. To bring back a joke. An inside joke. That's really cute. An inside joke from 12 years ago. That's hilarious. Is so iconic. Yeah, I love that. I literally go, I just, she just gave me quotes of Ronald Reagan. Cause like, I was like, what? Like what? She's like that though. Like, just like...

And you know what's funny? It's like this is such a good gift because it's so much more memorable and funny and cute than flowers. Not that I love flowers. I got a bunch of flowers upstairs. But it's just like I'm never going to forget this. I know. I freaking love that. Let's read a Reagan quote. Guys, I don't know anything politically about Reagan, so just leave me alone. Yeah. Don't fucking assume. I have no idea. That I'm like against food stamps. Like I don't know anything about this. So okay, let's see. This is non-good ones. Okay. Okay.

In an atmosphere of liberty, artists and patrons are free to think the unthinkable and create the audacious. They are free to make both horrendous mistakes and glorious celebrations. I would agree. Okay. I'm going to stop because I'm scared. I'm actually scared now what people are going to say about Ronald Reagan. I actually have no idea. My best friend from high school texted me the other day during book launch time, and she texted me a picture of my signature that she took

I think it was like maybe nine, eight years ago. And she's like, this is the moment I wanted to send it to you because I've been keeping your signature when you became famous. Oh my God, stop. I was like, this is an interesting moment to declare that I'm now famous. Wait, that's amazing. Everyone when we signed our books on tour, they were like, your signatures. I know. Yeah.

They just got crazier and crazier. They're bad. Mine's really bad. Do you think yours is bad? You don't, which is so weird. I don't, but I saw it getting worse over the course of- You should be insecure about your signature. I was like, yeah. But I love that you wrote something. You're like, would you write? Trust the timing of your life. I loved that. That was cute that you did that. It felt corny at first, but then people were like, oh my God, I need

No, I love that. I was jealous. I started to do it. I said, give me the book first. You're like, you're not behind, you're becoming. We just have like a quote off. We just like keep putting like more and more quotes in there. Your soul knows the way. Yeah, your soul knows the way. Oh my God. No, it's been actually, it does feel surreal to sit there and sign books. I know it's like kind of a corny thing, but I'm just like, whoa. You know what's interesting is it feels really natural.

Like, I just am like, oh, this is – it's funny, like, some of the stuff that we've done hasn't felt – it just feels authentic. Not that I'm like, oh, yeah, I knew I was going to be signing books all over the world, but it's like –

Because we're talking to people. It's like our friends and our community. So it's like that always feels so natural and right. Yeah, totally. I think seeing them in airports and the books in airports is crazy. And just now people sharing them reading them wherever they are on vacation. It's just... One of my coaching clients sent me a picture of someone reading it in the wild at Soho House. Cool. I know. Yeah.

I sent so many books yesterday. I went to the post office and I sent a bunch of books to people that DM me. Then those Canadian girls came through and I was like, dude, honestly. It was a shipping tariff. No, it was like 60 bucks for some of them. Oh my gosh. But I already said yes and now I'm like no international. I'm so sorry, you guys. I know. 60 bucks. Yeah, that's cuckoo. We have so many Canadian girlies too. I know. Angels. Yeah, they're so sweet. But I think it's available online.

I'll buy it for you on the Canadian side over sending a $60 book. That's what I was thinking. I'm like, can I just buy it for them? Like, I thought about doing that because I just –

Yeah. Also, I just got the UK, our UK publisher, who's amazing. Their version of the book is just slightly different. So it's like the hardcover itself is printed. It's beautiful. Wait, I can't wait to get it. It's absolutely stunning. So if you're in Europe, order it. It is just, it's stunning. I was like taken aback. It's really beautiful. Yeah, it's funny the trajectory with the book. I used to

Not like the cover. Now I love it. I know. I really love it. Yeah, it's really beautiful. I love the colors. There's obviously some little things on it that I'd change, but when has that not been true? I know. You know. Always do better. You know.

Um, I'm excited about this episode. I feel like we haven't had a conversation, um, about vaginas in a while. Oh, I know. Oh my gosh. Okay. So this is, um, with Sarah Reardon, she came in, she's an angel. So sweet. She flew in, she has kids, she's been doing her thing floored. Um, she has her Instagram, the vagina whisperer. And I wanted to have this conversation because pelvic floors are

have a deep impact on our health and wellness. Also, when I did that work, when I've done work with various practitioners and healers, and when I was in Mexico doing this work with this woman, I just didn't know so much about the pelvic floor. And during this conversation with Sarah, I was focused on relaxing my pelvic floor. Think about relaxing it now. And I have to keep thinking about it. Mm-hmm.

Well, think about... That said nothing about the episode. Just think about your pelvic floor. I literally got lost thinking about relaxing my pelvic floor. But there are moments in like a woman's experience, whether it's putting in your first tampon, taking out your tampon, having sex early on in your like sexually active life. These moments where like

I just remember either experiencing so much pain or just tension, like, and realizing, realizing just like the power and connection down there too, whether it's like the nervous system, the fear in the body, the, you know, the tension, how like the jaw is connected to your pelvic, like there's just so many connection to other parts of your body too. Yeah. There's,

pelvic floor can actually impact other issues in the body too. And this is also talking about breathing, peeing, pooping, sex, menstruation, pregnancy, birth, and menopause. And I just didn't realize that, yeah, that it's

And just all the area down there I haven't thought about. Like, I think we don't have access to really understanding ourselves as women from a health perspective. And a lot of women have painful sex. I think she said that one in four women have painful sex. So many women aren't able to orgasm through sex. A lot of women that are menopausal just wake up to pee. You know, a lot of

new moms, like 45% of new moms experience birth trauma. And so that has to do with pelvic floor therapy. And I think when you actually realize and connect with it, it's just such a beautiful thing. Well, yeah, I think it's, it's so closely connected to that like creative center too. So just like being respect, like when I started to learn about it during like my preparation for birth, it was like fascinating. Just like,

I also think it's kind of the epicenter to like allowing the body to do what it's meant to do. So if you are holding a lot of tension in your pelvic floor, um,

or kind of unaware of the connection, then a lot of systems in the body aren't going to work the way they're supposed to, especially with birth. I think that's like the greatest example where your body knows what to do. But if you're in a state of fear or like you're needing to control the situation or whatever, like your pelvic floor is going to respond. There's going to be a lot of tension there. You might not dilate as fast as you could. You know, there might be tension in the birth canal. Like there's just so many connections there. Yeah.

But in my recovery, I was saying to you before that like I saw a pelvic floor therapist and I don't know if any girlies like relate to this, but I'm just, I'm the type of person that needs to pee before I go on stage. I need to pee like right before I go to bed. Like even if I feel a little bit like I think I have to go, but I'm not sure. But apparently that's not good. So it's basically like kind of adding or increasing your incontinence where you

you should be able to hold more and then like release, like almost like when your bladder is full rather than little bits at a time. Wow. Because it creates a sensitivity. Wow. I feel like I do it all the time, but I'm not willing to let it go. Same. I'm like, this is self-care. Yeah. I'm fine. My new thing in life is to say everything's self-care. What did I do the other day? I was like,

I did something outrageous, and I was like, this is just self-care. I was like, I just have to care for myself right now. I want to pee. I'm just going to pee. She's had one of her viral –

clips online because she's gone viral quite a bit was about how to pee. And she breaks down how actually we should be peeing and there's a right and a wrong way to pee. So we break that down in the episode too. So I think for all women to really understand our bodies in a deep way, understand how our bodies change and evolve over time for who are interested in health and even want actionable, practical tips related to

your vagina and your body that you can use today is going to be great. So you get education on the pelvic floor anatomy. We get practical advice, we get exercises, and we talk about some of her viral clips that just have garnered so much. So the book she has out now, it's called Floored, A Women's Guide to Pelvic Floor Health at Every Age and Stage by Dr. Sarah Reardon, creator of The Vagina Whisperer. I love that cover. Me too. It was a great cover. Such a good one.

Okay. Thank you all for listening. Enjoy this one. Share it with a friend. I'm sure we could have some vagina talks amongst us girlies. And we have over almost 800 episodes in our archive. Wow.

So lots there for you in the realms of health and wellness, spirituality, relationships, and more. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for buying the book. If you already have the book, maybe get it for a friend, someone who is moving through a season of change. I think it's an incredible, incredible gift. Yeah. We love you guys. We'll see you on the other side. Enjoy. Bye. This isn't an ad by BetterHelp. You know, there's still way too much stigma around men's mental health. I was talking to my husband the other day and he

You know, there were a few friends that were just really averse to going to therapy. And I was like, wow, that's like still a thing. He's like, yeah, absolutely. You know, there's this outdated idea that strength means keeping everything bottled up. But real strength is being able to say, hey, I need help and really doing something about it.

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I'm so excited to have you. I feel like we could have just talked off mic for four hours talking about all the things. But I remember when our team sent your information in and we were all so pumped that you were coming in because our audience of women from all over the world are...

spiritually curious, are body curious, wellness curious. And I just feel like everything that you speak to is so important and pertinent. And I just feel like you're just such an amazing teacher. So I'm really excited. Thank you. I'm really excited to be here. And I am so appreciative of you all having me on. I feel this is a topic that not a lot of folks want to talk about. And I think that that's part of the problem is that so many women experience pelvic floor issues, but we're not talking about them. And so they're not getting the help and resources they need. So I'm excited to be here.

I want to talk about that, but I also just, I guess, want to open it up then. Do women know that they're experiencing pelvic floor issues? Like, are there things that are correlated to the pelvic floor that they're not tracking back to pelvic floor issues? What do you think is the disconnect?

Well, one, we've never really been taught about this part of our body, right? Like when, even when we're younger and young women, like you maybe get a book about periods and you maybe, if you're lucky, get like a class on sex ed, but nobody talked to you about your pelvic floor. So if you're experiencing things that are related to your pelvic floor, you don't even know. You don't even know what exists, let alone that your pelvic floor is a part of the problem. Yeah. I feel like I just, I remember learning about my pelvic floor, maybe,

Two years ago, when someone was like, your pelvic floor could be really tight and you need to let it go and the pelvic floor is connected to the jaw. And I was like, what? It was just crazy that you don't have access to your anatomy. Yeah. Like you don't really understand. And I mean, I'm a physical therapist. I have a doctorate degree, but there are, I mean, medical providers, physicians, doctors

other physical therapists, they have no idea about this part of their body. And I think that that's what really drew me into this field was as a woman, I was like, this is so interesting to learn more about my own body. And then as I was practicing and seeing other patients and working with women and helping them with things like urinary leakage or painful sex, all of them were like, why didn't anybody tell me this sooner? And I was like, I don't know, but it's due time. Hey, Kitty. Yeah.

It's due time for that to happen. And that's really what kind of spawned this social media account that has now led to where I am now. Yeah. What was your first foray into this space? So you became a PT because you're interested in this. And then what was like your journey to becoming the Vagina Whisperer?

So I'd been working for about 10 years as a pelvic floor therapist. It's all I've ever done. And I would say there were two things. One of them sounds scary, so I'll share that one second. But I became pregnant with my first son, and I did all of these things for my own pregnancy, prepared for birth. I saw a pelvic floor therapist in my office, and I ended up having a really amazing birth, like unmedicated, no tearing, no

And my postpartum recovery was amazing. And I was like, holy shit, this is possible. Like all the things I've been helping other women with, like I've experienced it myself. And I feel like people deserve to know this information. And then they can make their own choices. But nobody even knows that pelvic floor therapy exists.

The second one was I was seeing a lot of women in my clinic who were older. I was in my, I think, early 30s at this time, but they were probably 40s and 50s. And they had this mesh surgically implanted in their vaginas to treat what's called pelvic organ prolapse.

I know, it sounds scary. And it's when the organs like your uterus or your bladder aren't supported well and they start to like push into your vagina. So they put these mesh pieces in to support the vagina so the organs don't fall through. I love like our medical industry because some stuff is so archaic. Right. They're like mesh to stop it. I know. And they're like, yeah, FDA cleared, Stan. Yes, yes. And this mesh started disintegrating in these women's vaginas. What was it made of? Metal. Metal.

What? Yeah. Metal. It was like, I don't know if it was aluminum or stainless steel, but it was like a medical grade material. This has never happened, by the way. Are you okay with this? Yeah, I'm fine. You like kitties? No, but I'm fine with this one. Okay, good. You have to be because we've been having issues. Yes, yes. But so then I was like, oh my gosh, all of these women have these like poor vaginas with this mesh coming through and they're having multiple surgeries and they're having pain with sex. And like their partners were like feeling the mesh come through their vaginas during sex.

And I was like, if we could have just helped prevent these surgeries in the first place, they never would have had gone through this. But they weren't. They were just sent to surgery and nobody helped them. And I think that that's bullshit. And they were miserable. And so I was like, we have got to do better. Like, one, I don't want that to be me or my mom. But two, why are we dismissing women's problems and just waiting until they're, you know, beyond help and then putting them to surgery, which could make their issue worse? Yeah.

That's what, yeah, it's just funny the lack of care and attention with like women's health. Even you think about tampons. I'm like, how is a tampon still something that we use? It's literally like a chunk of bleach paper. Right. And we're just like, this is what we got for you guys. Use the mesh. Well, this is advanced compared to like what is experienced in other countries. And I do love it. I feel like period care has been something that has been advancing over the past decade. Yeah.

But even that, it's like we still have to push so hard. I'm like, everybody with a vagina will menstruate. And why are we like still like slipping tampons up our shirt sleeves or, you know, like hiding in bathrooms when we, you know, get a stain? It's like it's...

this is a quarter of our life, you know, and yet we still like live in shame about it. So I think a lot of it, what I love is just talking about these things. I mean, I talk about it all day in my clinic. I talk about it all day on social media. And I think I just really want to normalize talking about these issues because they really are common, but they're also very treatable. What is the pelvic floor? You know, for any woman that's listening that we have pelvic floors, like what is that part of the body?

So your pelvic floor is a basket of muscles that sits at the bottom of your bony pelvis. So if you think about little skeleton jammies that you see kids wear, or if you think about that anatomy model in the doctor's office and there's a pelvis at the base of the spine, at the very bottom of that opening is a basket of muscles that kind of sits like a hammock.

And that hammock supports your uterus, your bladder, which holds urine, your balls, which hold poop, like a basket. And then the pelvic floor muscles have three openings in the female body, one for urine to exit, one for the anal opening for bowel movements, and then one for the vaginal opening for vaginal intercourse, menstruation, vaginal sex, vaginal birth.

And so if anything is awry in any of those areas like pain with sex, difficulty with orgasms, urinary leakage, painful bowel movements, constipation, your pelvic floor muscles are involved. Yet we go to these doctors who like only see bladder stuff or vagina stuff. And so often the muscles get missed as part of, you know, the culprit for a pelvic floor problem.

So the pelvic floor is the muscles, correct? So is it that the muscles get tense, they get moved, they get shifted? Like what exactly is happening in the pelvic floor from a...

like biological perspective that's causing these problems. So if you think about other muscles in your body, like your bicep, right? You can contract your bicep and it like you bend your elbow and then you can lengthen it, right? What do you mean? Don't ask me to flex. So you can contract a muscle and relax the muscle, but sometimes the muscle gets tighter tense.

So I think of another muscle like in your neck and shoulders. Like I get a lot of neck tension and my shoulders get tight and I get knots in that muscle. That same thing can happen to your pelvic floor. So it can get tense. It can be difficult to relax. And that can lead to pain with sex, a hard time starting your bladder stream, a hard time, you know, pooping or pain with bowel movements. Also, muscles can get weak. So like if you have weak ab muscles, like you don't have... You may have back pain or, you know, have bad core strength. So...

muscles that are weak in the pelvic floor. You can't close the urinary sphincter to hold in urine. You may leak urine. You may leak stool. That trampoline of muscles, that basket doesn't support your organs and that leads to pelvic organ prolapse. So they can be weak or tense just like any other muscle. Is it true that the pelvic floor is connected to your jaw?

So it is, and it's so funny because there was a reel that went viral of a track star who was doing like tongue stretches, but it was to release her pelvic floor. So there's two things. There is a line of fascia. So fascia is like, if there's any vegetarians out there, I apologize, but when you eat chicken, there's the skin and then there's that like white filmy layer on top. And then there's the meat. So that white filmy layer is called fascia. And that's what helps like our skin and our tissues glide. Right.

So there's a layer of fascia that connects all the way from the mouth, the throat, all the way down to your pelvis. So that fascia can get stuck and that can lead to jaw issues and pelvic floor issues. And there is a lot of overlap between like TMJ and jaw pain and, you know, clenching your jaw and pelvic floor tension. But if you just think in general, when we're stressed or when we're anxious, like what do we do? We tense our bodies. You might clench your jaw, but you also might tighten your pelvic floor. Yeah.

That's what I was, I remember when I first heard about the pelvic floor was that most of us are, have a pelvic floor that's tense or clenched, that we're not unclenching or untensing. And do you feel like that's because women are stressed out? We're working out wrong? Like what would cause us to just grip on our pelvic floor? Yeah.

So some of it is exercising. I think a lot of the workouts that we do, the narrative has been like pulling your core, tighten your belly button, you know, suck your belly in and everything's like a tightening, tightening, tightening. And even if we think about workouts that do help promote core strength, a lot of them are just like all tightening but no balance with relaxation. Wow. So Pilates, barre.

PR, you know, strength training. All of those are great, but you have to balance it. You have to relax and lengthen the muscles after you've been tightening them and holding them in. I also think a lot of it is just the nature of our lives now. We're sitting a lot. We're stressed a lot. We're driving a lot. We're anxious. I mean, all of these things kind of create muscle tension in our bodies. And a lot of that can settle in your pelvic floor as well. How many times a day do you relax your pelvic floor?

Probably not enough. I just did. So, and I remember, so for a woman that wants to connect with, to first connect with her pelvic floor, to become body aware of the pelvic floor, to potentially release it, relax it, to understand it, what would you suggest that she do?

So actually an interesting time to do this, and I say only when you're trying to learn. I don't want you to do this as exercises. But if you were sitting on the toilet and peeing, I want you to stop your urine stream. And that's a tightening of the pelvic floor. That's a pelvic floor contraction because you're closing the urinary sphincter.

So that's a way to connect. You're like, oh, that's what we call a Kegel contraction. Or if you're having a bowel movement and you want to push or bear down, that's like a lengthening up the pelvic floor. So, you know, if we talk about the bicep, it's like your pelvic floor is always like a little bit tight because it's,

Closing urine in and, you know, supporting your spine and your core. And then you push to lengthen. That's like I'm pooping or passing gas, right? Or I'm giving birth. And then you tighten like I'm holding in gas or I'm stopping urine or something like that.

So you can do both of those when you're using the bathroom. I also think a way to connect is honestly just to breathe. I mean, if you're holding your breath, you're holding tension in your pelvic floor and you can't really be like chill out down there. So you just take some big, deep diaphragmatic breaths and that just helps your pelvic floor soften naturally. Because what's the trampoline metaphor?

So the trampoline metaphor is like if you, so it's supporting your organs, right? But you can put pressure on the pelvic floor when you're coughing, sneezing, lifting, but then the trampoline kind of rebounds back up, right? So the trampoline metaphor is at the, the pelvic floor is at the bottom, the diaphragm is at the top. When you inhale, the diaphragm pushes down and then the pelvic floor relaxes and then you exhale and it lifts up. So it kind of moves like this. So just breathing helps relax your pelvic floor.

Because it kind of pushes like a little bit of pressure on it to expand it. Okay. And what was... You mentioned something about going to the bathroom and peeing. What was the viral reel that you had that said...

It was... So simple. So simple. What your mother didn't tell you, don't push when you pee, which is like, if you're peeing, just sit and chill. Like, don't push. Don't what I call power pee. I think we're trying to be so efficient and get out of there as quickly as possible. But if you push when you pee, you're weakening your pelvic floor muscles. And most women pee six to eight times a day. So if you're doing that six or eight times a day and pushing...

and power peeing, you're going to weaken your pelvic floor. So you can have pelvic floor weakness when you've never had kids, when you've never had menopause, just because you're straining when you pee.

I know like 40 million people viewed it. And I was like, I had no idea this many people were pushing when they peed. That's what happens with the internet. Everyone's like, wow, I've been doing this my whole life. It's funny because I don't do that, but I know the experience of it when I've had to rush. Yes. And you're doing that. It's interesting that it wouldn't make your muscles stronger, but it would weaken them. Weaken them. How? Because it's that trampoline. Think about when you push, you're putting pressure on those muscles. You're forcing them down. Okay. And you just need to relax.

Like if you just sit and breathe, your muscles can relax naturally. Yeah. And then your bladder is coated by a muscle. So your bladder pushes the urine out for you. You don't have to push it. So if you just sit and breathe, I want you to try this next time. I will. And then your bladder is the muscle that pushes it out. It's like pushing like water out of a balloon. So you don't need to do that. And by you pushing, it just causes more strain on the muscles than what's needed. Oh, okay.

It's so funny during this whole conversation. I just can't stop thinking about my pelvic floor now. I don't know. Yeah, I am. I'm just like, it's, what does it feel like? It feels, I feel a little stressed because I feel like I'm relaxing it.

And it keeps wanting to be unrelaxed. So, yeah, that's something to tune into. I mean, that means you're probably, your muscles probably lie in a state of tension. Yes. And then you can relax them, but their path of least resistance right now is to tighten up. So you would want to consistently, like, work on your breathing, do some yoga stretches. Like, things are going to relax and open up your pelvic floor consistently.

versus like, because they want to naturally go back to that tight state. And once you can retrain them to just be in a more relaxed state, that will be their new path of least resistance. But that's not the natural normal for you right now. I'm like so stressed out about it. I'm like, please relax. And it's like, I don't know what you want me to do because you're stressed. So what would be for women to kind of understand the pelvic floor a little bit deeper? What would be some indicators that they have a healthy...

Is healthy the word that you would describe? Sure. I think that's healthy. Healthy pelvic floor. And what would be indicators that their pelvic floor is not in the best state?

So I would say some of the more common issues that women complain of that relate to the pelvic floor, we mentioned some like urinary leakage and no amount of leakage is normal. I think sometimes we think that like, oh, just a little bit of like leakage with a cough or a sneeze or a jump is not that big of a deal, but no amount is normal. And actually, if it doesn't get treated, it gets progressively worse with aging because of perimenopause and menopause and hormones and all that stuff.

But bladder leakage, having to go to the bathroom a lot. Like if you feel like you have the urge to go every 30 minutes, every hour, waking frequently at night to pee, having a hard time starting your urine stream. So if you sit and you feel like you can't relax to go, that's another pelvic floor problem. It's like the sphincter is too tight.

And then other ones are straining with bowel movements. So pooping problems is another really major pelvic floor problem. Oh, how does that correlate? Because wouldn't that be like anus? Yeah. So your butthole is part of the pelvic floor muscles and it tightens up, right? Which, you know, it holds in poop, it holds in gas, but we have a hard time relaxing it.

And most of us are not eating well. So you have hard stools that are difficult to empty. And then also our toilets are like thrones instead of putting us in the squatting position. It's why I'm a huge fan of squatty potties or little pooping stools because we need to get into that squatting position to relax your muscles, to have a bowel movement.

So hemorrhoids, fissures, constipation, even fecal incontinence. Like one of my most popular blog posts is like of skid marks in your undies because like fecal staining is another one. Wait, so that's a bad thing? Yeah.

It depends on the person. And what would that, wait, I've dated many men with skids. What is that? Like they're just like, they're not cleaning well or you have hemorrhoids and like you can't clean well and hemorrhoids are from straining. So it's like that tight butthole and you're straining to push.

Right. I'm sure how many of those guys are like, yeah, he was kind of tight ass. For sure. Have you ever seen workaholics? Okay. Yeah. I mean, I'm a 10 year old boy. There's this show called workaholics and it was like so stupid on comedy central, but they would say tight butthole when they talk about something good. So they'd be like, yo, that's tight butthole. I feel like I should start using that. You should, you should be like, you should do like stitch and coming of like workaholics tight buttholes. Good.

And then sex. So issues like painful sex, pain after sex, difficulty having an orgasm, leakage with orgasms, the inability to have an orgasm. Orgasms are pelvic floor muscle contractions.

So if you have a hard time having an orgasm, it could be because your muscles are tense. Or if you have really weak orgasms, which is really common with aging or after having babies, it could be the muscles are weak. So sexual health-related issues. And then we talked a little bit about prolapse, which is, you know, when the organs aren't as supported as well. And then even things like hip pain, back pain, things like that. 36 muscles attached to your pelvis. So like anything in this arena, really from your, like,

ribs to your knees is your pelvic floor could be related. Wow. I know it's wild with it. Cause it's kind of like a focal point, you know, even if we think about just the vagina, the anus and the, what's the other one? The urethra, the urethral opening. Even if we think about those areas, it's such a focal point of so many muscles and tissues. I did this, um, pleasure and intimacy retreat. I did like a one-on-one with this woman that works in Mexico and she's amazing. And it was all on, um,

pleasure and intimacy. We did a lot of work on the pelvic floor. We did a lot of work on like, what's it called? It was just all, all in that area. It was a whole experience, but anyways, and it just taught me, I just really, I,

crystallized for me how much tension you could hold there. Yeah. Because even in my inner thighs, like the fact that my legs consistently kind of hold the tension in, there was so much, and we never get massages or rub. I know. Our inner thighs and our legs or that area. I was like, wow, I can't believe I haven't paid attention to this at all. Well, we don't, I think one, tune in really. Yeah. And again, like if you're, you know, having pain with sex, you might not relate it to like, oh, that I sit with my legs crossed a lot or hold a lot of tension in my hips, you know? So it's,

It's usually pieces of the puzzle as a physical therapist that we're trying to put together for you. Like, is it the way that you're working out because you're doing Pilates five days a week? Is it that you sit in traffic for a long time and you're super stressed? Is it that you had trauma? And it doesn't even have to be sexual trauma. It could be any type of trauma, emotional trauma, physical trauma that you're holding in your body. It could be an injury, you know? So there's so many different complexities that can be related to why you have a pelvic floor issue. Right.

Sometimes it's one event. Like I gave birth and then I started having pain with sex after that or I started leaking after that. But oftentimes it's,

Again, those puzzle pieces that come together and then it's just like that one thing and now you're experiencing an issue. Why would Pilates five days a week not be good? It's not that it's bad, but it's about that balance. So if it's all focused on pulling in your core, which is connected to your pelvic floor, like you can't engage your abdominals and not engage your abs. They work and not engage your pelvic floor. So your abs and your pelvic floor turn on at the same time. You can't dissociate them. Okay.

So if you're doing that all the time, it's great, but it's a little bit of balance. Like you have to get some deep stretching in. You need to do some breathing and relaxation. You need to make sure you're not tensing throughout the day. It's just about balance. Related to sex and the pelvic floor, I want to just double click on. So for women's orgasms, your orgasm and the quality of the orgasm could be directly correlated to your pelvic floor. 100%.

Yeah. So if you have a, what would give you, what kind of pelvic floor situation would give you the best orgasm? Where you have pelvic floor muscles where they're relaxed and they're also strong. So you don't want super tight pelvic floor muscles. That doesn't actually mean they're strong. It just means they're tight.

What happens during arousal before an orgasm is that blood is flowing to these pelvic floor muscles. Lubrication is created. And the more aroused you get, the more blood flow goes to the area. It's kind of the equivalent of like a man having an erection. Like the penis doesn't have muscles. It's just blood flowing in, right? And then when you have an orgasm, those muscles are filled with blood and they reach kind of a, again, orgasmic climactic state where they start contracting and relaxing. Right.

So those are pelvic floor muscles contractions and they're happening spontaneously. So if you have tight muscles where the blood can't flow in...

That could prevent you from having an orgasm or cause pain with an orgasm if you have weak muscles. And this happened to me after giving birth. I was like, it is radio silence down there. Like, you have your first orgasm. You're like, I don't even know if that happened. Yeah. Honestly, where am I? And then those contractions won't be as strong. So it's, again, you need really functional but also stronger muscles. Like, you don't want tight muscles. But if you start doing more pelvic floor strengthening, you can have stronger orgasms as well. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

I wonder if that is reducing the quality of women, or you can tell me. So would you say that it's reducing the quality of women's orgasms when they have tight pelvic floors, like with a lot of tension? Is it because it's like...

the contraction is in support of the orgasm or what would you? It's more like, I think a couple things. We have patients who come in and they're not able to have orgasms at all. Like I've never been able to have an orgasm. And it's almost the muscles are so tight that the blood isn't flowing in to kind of get them to that climactic state. Or there's a little bit of this point with an orgasm where it's like, you have to be able to let go. So it's like if they're so tense and

but they can't get to that point of letting go, that really can prevent the orgasm from happening. I was going to say, I would feel like this is my personal opinion. It's more so about the mental. Yeah, but it's a little bit of both. And so this is actually when I tell people, and this is almost getting a little bit outside my lane, but I coach people on this.

Like self-exploration is healthy and good because you take out performance, right? There's no performance. You're by yourself. And I'm like, how can you coach a partner or somebody else on what you like and what is arousing to you if you don't even know? So you really have to kind of explore and explore.

find out what feels good to you. Find out how you can have an orgasm on your own. 90% of women have clitoral orgasms. It's not from internal stimulation. It's mostly external. So I'm like, even them just knowing that information, like go explore by yourself, practice. And then, you know, that's how you're going to be able to kind of, the more you do it, the more you're going to be comfortable doing it with somebody else too. Yeah.

I asked chat GPT how many types of orgasms there were. And how many came out? Nine. Oh, I only know of like six. Nipple. Ah, yes. Clitoral. Mm-hmm. G-spot. Anal, right? Mm-hmm. Um...

like sensory energetic one. Yeah. Cause you can have them without even having, without even touching. Yeah. There's a cervical orgasm. Cervical. My favorite. What else is there? What else? What else did Chad Daddy say? I know that was six. What else did Chad Daddy say? Said like, yeah, there was like other weird ones that I was like,

It was just, it was fascinating to see the different types of orgasms. So with, and then I guess with anal sex, that's related to pelvic floor. So you have to be able to, for anal sex, you have to be able to relax the anal opening. This is interesting. So people who have pain with sex, with entry sex, penetrative sex, it can be, you know, male, female, any gender, whether it's through the vagina or anus, to get their muscles to relax, we often recommend these things called dilators and they look like tampons of different sizes. Okay.

So we actually coach people on how to insert something into the vagina or anus and not have them tense up and guard. And then once you can tolerate a certain size and you go to the next size and the next size until you reach the size of the dildo or the partner's penis or whatever it is that you want to have inserted. But you can, just like you stretch before a race, I'm like, you can stretch the muscles and teach them to not respond with tension or fear or pain in preparation for intercourse.

How much is that a response to trauma? So people who have trauma are more likely to experience pelvic floor dysfunction, but it's not necessarily saying that that's the cause of it for everyone who has it. So like if I have pain with sex, I have not experienced any sexual trauma or abuse, then...

my pain with sex isn't due to that. So you can have pain with sex without having experienced trauma. It's hard to know somebody who hasn't experienced trauma in some fashion in their life, but it definitely can be a contributing factor. We tend to shut off from this part of our body when it's painful, it's difficult.

And I see this, and again, there was a study done that actually had women watching violent television shows. And it wasn't even sexually violent. It was just violent. And they monitor the muscle activity in their pelvic floors and in their upper trap muscles, in their shoulders. And women who were watching that experienced tension in their shoulders and also their pelvic floors. So just watching something violent can cause pelvic floor tension. Mm-hmm.

So it doesn't even have to be sexually violent. So it just goes to show you like how things are connected in your body. Mm-hmm.

I would also say that people who experience sexual trauma and abuse, I would say, you know, that's not uncommon that we see somebody who is hesitant or has a difficult time returning back to intercourse. But even things like childbirth trauma, like we have a lot of women come in after giving birth and they have a really hard time kind of connecting with this part of their body because there's so much trauma associated with it. Yeah. So the mind is basically saying,

that any feeling or experience within that is related to them, like the dominant feeling now, which is a traumatic event. Yeah. And I would say that that's probably even more in depth or in tune than they're aware of. They're just kind of like, don't touch me there. You know, like I'll have patients who are like, you can only touch me with my clothes on. Or like, I can't have you touch my C-section scar. So it's like, they're just, they're very dissociated from this part of the body. And rightfully so. I mean,

For childbirth, for instance, when we have, when you have a birth experience, there's no unpacking that from a very social, emotional perspective. You just kind of go home. Yeah, that's so real. And we may address the mental piece, you know, hopefully in pelvic floor therapy, we can address the physical piece, but that kind of emotional piece doesn't really get unpacked.

That is so, I was thinking about that recently because one of my friends just had a baby and I'm like, where are like, and we didn't talk about it and we just kind of moved on to the baby talking about whatever. But I'm like, where are people processing that experience? They don't.

There is no processing. And, you know, I'll have a lot of women come in. I like to see women six weeks after they give birth. I'm like, go see your medical doctor or midwife and then come into pelvic floor therapy. Everyone who has a baby, whether it's a C-section or vaginal birth, should see a pelvic floor therapist because your pelvic floor has changed and you're more likely to experience pelvic floor issues after giving birth, regardless of whether you had a C-section or vaginal birth.

But when they come in and I'll say, tell me about your birth. Like, how did it go? What happened? How did you feel? Did it go the course that you wanted? How was postpartum recovery? And it's like, they're like, I've never talked about this. And it's been six weeks, sometimes six months, but they're just starting to unpack it. And sometimes tears are rolling down their face because it's just, it's such an emotional experience yet. It just, again, doesn't get processed because you kind of go right into survival mode afterwards. Wow.

I can't wait to be with a man that's like, let's process your birth. Tell me when that happens. Yeah, I will. I feel like a lot of women are like, yeah, that sounds amazing. Yeah, honestly. I'm sculpting him as we speak. It's one of those things, though, that I think that it's changing. You know, I do see partners changing in how they're supporting moms after birth. But I mean...

We just don't have the structure and the infrastructure here in the United States to support parents and women in particular after birth. It's just like there's nothing. Like you go back to work, 25% of women go back to work two weeks after giving birth in the U.S. It's insane. And like your vagina is still bleeding and you're like back to work. I like, now that I have so many of my friends that have had kids, I'm just like, I don't know how. It breaks my heart how women have to go back to work.

To leave your child would be a traumatic event on its own. Yeah. I feel like. And to go back to your desk job for that. Well, it's also like just you're physically exhausted. Of course. You know? I think it's funny because I was actually kind of...

I was more ready to go back to work to leave my kids. But I was like, I'm still pumping and that's stressful. And then like just the other things that go along with motherhood were kind of taxing and exhausting for me. Yeah. So I think that there's always something that is difficult. It can be a variety of things. It can be multiple things. But the fact of the matter is it's like we don't get time off and it's bullshit. I know. Yeah.

In your book, Floored, I was reading today, one of the parts I thought was interesting was how the pelvic floor is related to your mood.

Oh yeah. I know. Fascinating. So how would, how is your pelvic floor related to your mood? Well, it's almost like your mood influences your pelvic floor if you think about that. So imagine if you're- So I'm literally so anxious right now because I keep trying to release it and I can't even handle it. I'm like- So think about that. Like I always say this, like your body keeps the score, whether it's trauma, whether it's anxiety. Original quote. Right, right. Sarah's original quote, body keeps the score.

So it's, you're, we don't always know what we're experiencing, but yet it's happening. So the things I tell women to look out for, like your pelvic floor,

your body's giving you information, whether it's a leak with a jumping jack or pain with sex or tailbone pain with sitting, like your body is giving you information. We don't always understand the language. That's really what I hope Floyd gives people. But if we listen to it instead of dismissing it, I think so long we've dismissed it like, oh, leaks are just part of, you know, postpartum life or pain with sex just happens sometimes. Like just relax a little. I think if we actually start like investigating why these things are occurring, we,

we get back to the pelvic floor. But for so long, we've just kind of... And unfortunately, I think as women, we just kind of, oh, I'll just deal with it. I'll deal with it later. Or it's not that big of a deal. And we kind of just keep going. We push forward because we are strong and mighty. But sometimes it means these issues start to become chronic and more impactful in our life. Mm-hmm.

How does it impact the period of a woman? So really into... I mean, the first thing is that if you have difficulty inserting tampons, having pelvic exams, anything like that, that's an early sign of pelvic hypertension. And a lot of the women that come in to see me and say they just got married and they waited until they were married to have sex. I'm in the South, so this is not uncommon. And...

they're like, I can't have sex. It feels like my partner's like hitting a wall. And I'm like, okay, walk me back. Like, how are your periods? They're like, oh, I've never been able to use a tampon. I'm like, why not? They're like, oh, because it's really painful. And like it tracks, right? Mm-hmm.

So I think pain with some of those products is an early sign of tension. Some of the other things are, it's really our hormones from our period that influence our pelvic floor. So you have these fluctuations of estrogen when you're ovulating that creates more pelvic floor lubrication. You have stronger pelvic floor muscles when you have higher estrogen. You get more tone to the muscles.

And then right when you're about to have your period, estrogen is really low. Your vagina gets dry. You have a lot of progesterone, which is like, makes you really bloated and constipated. And then you have lower pelvic floor muscle tone when your estrogen is lower. So you could run one day of the month and have an amazing workout and your pelvic floor shows up. And then two weeks later you can run and you're like, why am I leaking now? And it's really the hormonal fluctuations that impact the muscles. So for women that...

you know, have irregular periods or feel like crampy and stuff, how would that, how would the pelvic floor be there? So a little bit of cramping is normal. Right.

But if you have pain with your periods that's so severe that you have to miss work, you have to leave school, you can't socialize, you can't travel, those are, again, early signs of something bigger like endometriosis. So one in 10 women have endometriosis and it takes them on average like seven to eight years to get a diagnosis, which is bananas. Wow. Why? Because doctors will just say like, oh, these periods are normal or it's just painful or take Midol. But-

Pain so severe that it impacts her quality of life is abnormal pain. And then they just get put on medications or go to multiple doctors. So if that's the case, I'm always like, you need to see a specialist, your endometriosis specialist. But because you have this pain every month, again, how does our body respond to pain? You get tension. Then you can start having these lesions and adhesions on the inside of your pelvis, which can cause pain with bowel movements,

severe pain with periods, like, you know, burning with bladder, when your bladder's emptying, hard time starting your stream, frequent urination, painful sex. I mean, all of this because of a period issue. So it's a little bit always the chicken or the egg. But if somebody comes and tells me their story of like severely painful periods and they're like, I'm here because I have painful bowel movements. I'm like, okay, let's get to the root of what could be causing it. And it could be something more significant like endometriosis. Wow.

I remember at my retreat in Mexico, we did like a lot of internal work on the pelvic floor and like we would touch like different areas of my insides. And it's interesting because she was talking about how sometimes –

some women would hold tension in very specific parts of it. Do you notice that as well? Yeah, 100%. What's that correlated to? So there's different layers of the pelvic floor. So sometimes you can hold tension right at the opening, which is like that prevents entry into the vagina, like that hitting a wall sensation that people can feel with, you know, a gynecologist exam or trying to insert a penis into the vagina. You can have pain with deeper areas.

So that more feels like tender or bruisey, like your partner is hitting something on the side. I tend to get that. And a lot of it for me is if I'm doing really intense workouts, like weighted workouts, squats, lunges, HIIT exercises where you're activating your glutes a lot and that overflows into your pelvic floor. Oh my gosh, that's me. Yeah. I'm building my booty. Uh-huh. So that's impacting my pelvic floor. How?

It's helping build up strength in your pelvic floor, but it could also, knowing your history, could also be building tension. This is also why you need to balance. But she probably, when she pressed on the muscles, which is amazing that you had this internal work, it was probably tight or tender or sensitive, and that's not normal. Right.

Like it should feel like you're pressing on your bicep. If you press on the inside of the vagina on your pelvic floor muscles and it's tender, that's a sign of muscle tension or overactivity. She's like you gripped and you wouldn't let go. So I was like so tense. I was like no. Yeah. It's like a little Chinese finger trap. No, literally. She's like you won't let me go. I was like I don't know what to do. You're like I don't know. I don't know.

I know how to let go. I was like, I love you. And then there's actually some like on the top side right around your urethra. So a lot of women who have bladder pain or they have C-section scars or hysterectomy scars or tummy tuck scars, they tend to have a lot of restriction right around the front part of their pelvic floor. And that can cause painful sex or urinary issues or, you know, pain with urination, stuff like that. So it's really interesting. I mean, I can't say that like if you are...

you know, a high stress person or a cyclist, you're going to get pain here, but it tends to be kind of more influenced by sometimes how we sit, like turning our inner thighs in can activate your pelvic floor. Sometimes how you sit like on your sacrum, if you like slouch that can activate the muscles around your tailbone and cause tailbone pain, which is a pelvic floor issue. So kind of those things that we do during the day can influence our pelvic floor muscles. Wow. I know it's pretty wild because we're doing this stuff all throughout the day and

Not realizing it. And again, it's not until somebody starts having an issue that we're like, oh, well, shit, I've been sitting this way for 10 years and nobody told me that it wasn't great. You know, what happens at a pelvic floor appointment? So it's,

One-on-one. Okay. It's not like your traditional physical therapy appointment. It's a one-on-one with a therapist in a private treatment room. So they're not going to be in a big gym or anything like that. And I know people always ask me, like, what should I wear? I'm like, nothing. You're going to be, like, half naked for part of it. I'm, like, so down. Whatever.

So first you're going to sit down and we chat one-on-one and I'll ask you lots of questions about all of your pelvic floor issues. So you may be there for pain with sex, but I want to hear about your menstrual cycle. I want to hear about if you've had any pregnancies, I want to hear about what you do for exercise. I want to hear about what you do during your day. Like I'm trying to put together the pieces of, are there other issues we don't know about? Like, oh, I also have to push when I pee because I don't empty something like that. And what could be influencing it?

And then we look outside the pelvis. So we look externally. I might look at your abdominal wall for muscle tension, muscle strength. I'll look at your hips and make sure your pelvis is in alignment. I'll press on your glute muscles and your hip muscles to see if there's tension.

And then we do an intravaginal exam that's similar but not exactly the same as a gynecological exam. So there's no stirrups. You're lying on a treatment bed and you have a sheet covering you up from the waist down, but you're undressed from the waist down. And then I look externally at the vulva. So the vulva is all the external stuff, like the labia and the clitoris. And I'll say, okay, do a Kegel. And I see if your muscles contract. And then I say, push like you're pooping. And I'll see if the muscles relax.

And then I insert a finger inside the vagina, gloved, lubricated. You're looking uncomfortable. No, I'm not. No, I just am still focused on relaxing. I'm comfortable. I'm like, I want one right now. Yeah, I mean, it's actually really interesting. And then I ask you to do the same thing. Do a Kegel. Can you contract? Can you relax after that Kegel? Like, can you release the tension? Can you push? Is there any weakness? Is there any prolapse? And then I press on the side to also see if there's tension. And then I check your strength.

So it's just like as if I was testing a muscle in your thigh, but it's the way we access the pelvic floor is internally through the vagina or through the anal opening. And then do you ever push to release the tension yourself? So that's like a massage, right? Yep. So that's kind of the treatment. So if I'm like, okay, I think you have pelvic floor overactivity or tension, I'm going to give you some stretching, some breathing, encourage you to stop crossing your legs, do these stretches after Pilates, and then to massage the muscles. I mean, it's just like as if you found a knot in the shoulder and I kind of rub and press.

It's the same thing internally. I'll hold my finger pressure on a tender part of the muscle, have you breathe. I might move your hips in different positions and then get the muscle to have more blood flow and then to relax. Wow. Yeah. It's really, it's so interesting because I'm like, it's not rocket science. It's just, if it's a tight muscle, you release it. If it's a weak muscle, you strengthen it. Wow. We just can't see the muscles like we can see other parts of our body. Is it pleasurable?

I don't know. You'd have to ask my patients. I mean, you've had one. No, I don't find it because I'm... It's more like coffee talk with somebody's finger in your vagina. Yeah. Yeah. It's more like, hey, we're just shooting the shit. Tell me about your weekend. How's the new guy? Yeah. And then we're just talking, but it's more a little bit uncomfortable because one, somebody's finger's in your vagina, but two...

it's repressing in a tender area, you know? So we're trying to release the tension, focus on breathing, relaxation. But I wouldn't say it's typically pleasurable. But I would say some people may have kind of some arousal because they're working around the clitoris and kind of sensitive nerves and muscles, but that's not typical. What about how we should be peeing and pooping?

Like, what are your suggestions? And it's surprising that we need to remind ourselves how to. Well, remind and also learn. Yeah. And so it's interesting because in Florida, instead of just covering like, hey, these are all the problems you can have. Here's how to fix them. I was like, okay, let's talk about the normal. Like, what should you be doing? How should you be peeing? Yeah.

So you need to sit instead of hover unless the toilet's really gross. Oh, I'm sitting. Yeah. But a lot of people hover. Everywhere. Yeah. One of my friends, I was with her in the bathroom the other day because I'm a full-blown adult and me and my friend still pee together. And she started to hover. I was like, girl, sit on that seat. She's like, thank you.

Who cares? Unless it's like, you know, totally yucky. Even then I'm like wipe and line. But sit down because it helps your muscles relax. Lean forward because it puts you in more of a squatting position and just breathe. Take some big deep breaths and allow your urine stream to start without you having to push.

You really want to try to avoid pushing. Even if it just trickles out, that's totally fine. And then if you feel like you don't empty completely, I'm like wiggle your hips a little bit, wipe, stand up, and then sit down again. It's called double voiding. And that just makes sure that you get a little bit more out if it's there.

But your bladder always has a little bit of urine in it. It's never completely empty. So you could sit on the toilet and push pee out all the time. You're like, it's still in there. I'm like, it's always going to be in there. And then you wipe and walk away. And then the normal frequency to pee is every two to four hours during the day. So if you have to go again in 30 minutes and you just peed, it's probably a false urge. So you want to try not to go until you hit that two-hour mark. And don't go just in case, like...

A lot of us pee like every time we pass the bathroom or every time we leave the house. And you really want to go when you have the urge to go. So don't go too frequently and don't delay. Like teachers and medical providers like will push it eight hours. I'm like, no, that's so bad for your pelvic floor because it's getting too tense. So every two to four hours at night, what's normal? Zero to two times at night.

For pooping, I really love, same thing, go when you have the urge to go, don't delay. But I really encourage everybody to use a squatty potty or a little stool under their feet. And it puts you in more of a squatting position, which is the best way to relax your pelvic floor so you don't have to push or strain. You can push for pooping. Peeing, you can't. Pooping, you can, but don't hold your breath. Just exhale like you're blowing out a bunch of candles. So I'm always like, just blow out the candles and feet on the stool.

Whenever I go to people's houses and I see their little squatty potty, I'm like, this is so sweet. I have one in every bathroom in my house and my office. That's so sweet.

You like put your little feet up? Yeah, I have one for my kids. Like I'm like, instead of their little feet dangling, I'm like, no, buddy. Oh, that's a good one. You need to put this under your feet so that your legs can relax. And then I keep a little straw, like those twirly kids straws in their bathroom. So if they have to, instead of holding their breath to strain, I'm like, just blow through the straw and it helps them bear down enough. It's really hard to teach a kid to like relax their butthole. So I'm like, just blow through the straw and it just happens naturally. Why do you think their buttholes are so tight? Why?

Well, it's not that they're so tight. They just don't, they can't connect. Yeah, yeah. They don't know what like push means. Yeah. And sometimes kids don't poop when they have to poop because they want to keep playing. Yeah. So they're just like, it gets all backed up in there and then they can't get out. My kids always like, it's so sharp. And I'm like, well, it's because you didn't stop hours ago. Yeah, it's so sharp. What is the story of transformation from...

One of your clients over the years where you saw the impact of having a pelvic floor that's healthy on her life.

I share a bunch of these stories in the book because it's every age and stage there's somebody who came in, whether it's a 70-year-old woman like after breast cancer and she had, you know, low estrogen and then she had pain with sex. But I would say that probably one of my most memorable stories is a young woman. She was an international bride and she came over to the U.S. and she had never had intercourse before. So she got married, tried to have sex, and she couldn't.

And, you know, you went from like, don't talk about this part of your body. Hide it. Keep it secret. It's ashamed. And then you get married and you're like, okay. Totally. Floodgates are open. Like, go for it. And you're like, wait, I don't even know what... You're like, time to be a freak. Right. And they're like, whoa, what is this, right? Is it supposed to hurt? And so she came in...

And her husband used to sit in the sessions because he had to translate for her because she wasn't English speaking. And I don't speak any other languages. I'm trying to be chill and not judge this scenario. But continue with the story. No, it was actually a really sweet story. Okay, cool. She was wonderful. I was living in Austin at the time. And then I kind of started seeing her more consistently. And then I would say six months, I had her start on the dilators at home. And she was eventually able to have sex. And I remember the day she came in and her husband had the...

hugest grin on his face. And they brought all of this food for our clinic. And she was like, I did it. And she was like, it didn't hurt. And it was so good. And she was like, I feel like a woman. Because to her, this was the embodiment of being a wife, of being a mom. And there were cultural expectations there, but also just what she wanted. And she had no family here in the States. And

I was like, oh, my gosh, this is, like, so impactful. And then six months later, I was in the grocery store, and I ran into her in the freezer section, and she was pregnant. And I was like, oh, my God, this is so awesome. Wow. And you just realize, like, you can help change the course of someone's life. Yeah. And that's awesome. Yeah. You know, like, I don't think that – I mean, there are other ones where it's like somebody was leaking, and then they were able to run a marathon. But I think when you think about those bigger –

picture issues of how it can really impact somebody. Like I, those are the stories that I really love. Yeah. Cause it's, it's someone and it's their relationship. It's like love. Yeah. It's connection. Even to their own body. It's life. Yeah. Yeah. Like that relationship to their body is huge. Yeah. And then it, you know, she, and if you want to

become a parent. And, you know, if you can't have sex, you're like, there is no pathway there for you. And, you know, to not have to go through fertility treatments. But for her, I mean, I was like, this is pretty, pretty amazing. I am always so...

The way that I am, I'm always like a why person. So do you ever find yourself, you know, because in that case and scenario with this woman, I guess there's the muscle, but doesn't the muscle listen to the mind? So in that scenario, wouldn't the mind be like sex is bad for your whole life? And then the muscles are like sex is bad. And then all of a sudden you're like sex is good. Do you feel like that's true in the relationship between maybe not her in particular, but that there is a mind body connection between sex?

our societal programming or what we've been told as women in the pelvic floor. Yes. I for sure think that that's the case. It's a little tricky though, because I think for a long time, we've only attributed pelvic floor issues like painful sex to the mind when there's also a muscle component. I think oftentimes it was like, oh, you're just anxious or, oh, you're just scared or, oh, you're just stressed.

And it was always kind of punted as to like, oh, it's in the mind. But there's a very physical component to this. Right. So because it could be some people who don't have that narrative also experience pain with sex. So kind of what is that about? Yeah. So I think it's a little bit of thinking about, yes, this is a muscle component, but what's influencing that? Yeah. And then kind of, again, that's a piece of the puzzle. But the pelvic floor muscles themselves are a piece of the puzzle. Right.

The other tricky thing is I think we also talk about the pelvic floor like it's only the vagina, which is like, and the vagina is only there for sex, which is not the case. I mean, it's menstruation, it's pelvic organ support, it's, you know, birth. Yeah, birth, yeah. So, but the pelvic floor muscles are also involved in, you know, bladder function, bowel function, core support, breathing. So, so many things, and it's not just the vagina or sex. Right. How could someone check their pelvic floor at home?

Is that possible? Yes. And I go through this in the guide. So it's, I'm like, and I say, I'm like, if you're feeling, you know, ambitious and brave, you can do it a couple of ways. Take a mirror and you can look externally at the vulva. I did that for the first time in my life at my retreat. I had no idea what was going on. What'd you think? I was like, wow. I'm, what made me emotional was that so many men have had an intimate relationship with, with me in that way. And I haven't.

It's really interesting. Where I was like, oh, wow, I can't believe that many men know this part of me deeply, but I don't, I've never looked. That's a really interesting perspective. And it's amazing that you got to that point of like, oh, why haven't I looked? Yeah. I was like, why? I mean, I don't, do most women, do they look? No. I think most people are scared. I mean, in therapy, someone told me to, and I like didn't, I like didn't want to. Did you? Yeah. Oh, you did? Yeah.

Do you feel like it's like you're nervous about it being gross or something? I think most people feel like it might be gross or something. Yeah, I think it's supposed to be this glorious thing and then you look at it and you're like... I know.

It's just a body part, you know? I've seen tens of thousands of them. And I look at it like an elbow. It's just a body part to me. I didn't know that so many were so different. So different. I'm five years old. So when I did that retreat too, I was like looking at mine and then she showed me hers and I was like, whoa. Yeah. Skin color, labia color, size of the labia, hair, everything. It's so different. Out in...

What is the... Why are labias colored? Like, why would a labia be brown? Like, what's a labia color? It's melanin in your skin. So I think it's... Some of it actually is... We actually look at that because sometimes there's decreased blood flow. It can turn a certain color, like a darkish color or...

It can even get whitish when there's low estrogen, but it just depends on melanin. Like I have tan skin, so mine would be more tan than somebody who has light, more fair skin, and theirs would be more pink. The size of the labia totally varies, like even left to right on one individual. Yeah.

Some women do have labia that they feel are so large that it's impactful for them. They're like, I can't wear biking shorts or, you know, it rubs when I exercise. What's that? The stuff that comes out for people? You mean the labia? Yeah. What's the top? There's two parts. There's two sets of labia. The inner labia, which are hairless.

that are kind of inside the folds. And then the external ones, which have hair. Those are the... Got it. So there's like the labia majora, labia minora. Got it. So when you're looking, like the area with the hair is the labia majora. And then inside of that is the labia minora. And that's where it should be more pink colored, the inner like lips. And then not bright red, not whitish, anything like that. So it totally varies. But I mean, I tell people to look. And then when you contract the pelvic floor...

If you're assessing at home, like can you see it close? Can you see like your anus close up? Can you see the vagina close? Push. Can you see it push towards your feet? Like that's kind of how you can assess it. You can also sit on a chair or like put a towel roll between your thighs and kind of underneath your vulva and contract or relax and push and see if you feel it move against you. And you can also insert your finger. Insert your finger into the vagina and then squeeze and see if you feel a Kegel and then push your bear down and see if you feel it kind of push out.

So you can do all that self-assessment and even press on the sides to see if it feels tender. What do you feel about shaving, waxing? Do you have any thoughts on all of that? I mean, I have personal thoughts. Share. I mean, I think you do what's right for you. Yes. I think that there's all walks. It's actually funny because New Orleans is such like a wild city. There's a whole, we have these Mardi Gras crews and there's a whole crew of full bush. Cool. I know. Sick. We're all walking like.

So they walk naked as full bush? No, but everybody in there is like, yeah, we're full bush, you know? It's a bunch of like women. It's amazing. I think you can do whatever you'd like. But if you're going to shave, which a lot of people do, you need to be using a clean razor and you need to shave down. Like don't shave against the grain of the hair because you put yourself higher as for cuts and ingrown hairs.

And you need to exfoliate afterwards very regularly with the loofah. You can wax, but just make sure it's like a reputable place. And again, after waxing, make sure that you scrub with the loofah so that the pores stay open. And I like using like salves and balms to kind of keep the pores open. You can laser, you know, totally fine. Lasering is fine. You're just probably going to have to repeat it. And then you can just like go totally like wild. Go free. Like welcome to the jungle. Totally fine. Yeah, like strips.

And most people, I mean, you would be surprised at the walks. Somebody was like, what do women do? I'm like. I could only imagine. Like 75-year-old woman with like total Brazilian and then like younger women who have like wild and free. And like it's just all walks. And like all of it's normal. And you never, like sometimes do you look. I remember when I was a server at a restaurant, someone would come in and I'd be like, oh, they're going to get a fried chicken sandwich. And I would be like.

I'd like predict, like entertain myself. Do you like when women come in, you're like, oh, that's going to be landing strip. I mean, never, but now I might because you just mentioned that. But no, never. People are always like,

Is it weird? I mean, some of my patients become my friends. Like I've had patients who came to my wedding or some of my friends come to see me and become my patients. But I'm like, it's like me remembering what color your toenail polish is. Like I would never even remember. Yeah. Like I'm thinking more about like what I'm finding, what they need, not even. What about anal bleaching? Not a fan. Say why.

Because you shouldn't be putting harsh chemicals in this part of your body. Like, you really only need water to cleanse. Or if you want to use a soap or you should use, like, a mild cleanser. But you're introducing a ton of chemicals into the area and it's just not necessary. Like...

I don't know. I just like, I'm just not a fan of putting anything harsh in the area. I mean, cosmetically, it's up to you. But again, I've seen thousands of vulvas and buttholes and I've never been like, oh, that butthole needs to be bleached. Never. In 18 years. So I'm like, you're fine. Don't worry about the bleaching. I just learned about it recently and I didn't even know what's going on with that. I mean, I didn't know people were still doing it. I thought it was like a fad that came and went. I didn't know. I don't know. I just...

I know some men who do it, but I don't know. Men do it? I mean, yes. If you are same-sex. Oh, got it. Yeah, couples. Yes. Wow, the things that we do. I know. Well, I think of that when I get a wax bikini. I'm like, how did I end up wearing hot wax over my vulva? I think waxes feel good.

Oh, that's... Am I weird? Not like I'm turned on, but I'm like, oh, it just feels nice. No, but like, I don't enjoy it. No, I feel like a little bit tense and stressed. Like, yeah, it's a little... I think I got... It's painful. I got laser for years. And so the laser makes it really easy to take the hair out. So it's like, I just feel clean. I'm like... I do, the aftermath is great, but the actual act of doing it is not comfortable for me. Yeah, I do not... What I don't like is like talking. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like shooting the shit? Yeah. But it's funny because I say that and then I get in there and I'm like, tell me about your mother's impact on you. I'm in there and we're like in it on something. So it's like absolutely not me. I'm so excited about the book. What are a few things that you want people to get away from it? Thank you. First of all, I just want people to understand that this is an important part of their body. And everyone who has a vagina...

may experience a pelvic floor issue at some point in their life. And I want them to know, like, what are the normals? Like, learn how to pee properly. Learn how to poop properly. Learn how your period affects your pelvic floor. Like, educate yourself and then educate your kids, your siblings, your sisters, your girlfriends. I think so many women deal with these issues privately and in shame. And I just want to normalize the conversations. I think we've normalized the problems, but I think we need to talk about these issues because...

They really impact your life, your relationships, your fitness, everything, your self-esteem. I also want people to know the normal. So I'm like, read, like I told you, I was like, read the first chapter and the last chapter because they're like kind of fun and bright and funny. And also just the call to action of like why this is so important. It's really a silent epidemic. More women have pelvic, more women leak urine than have osteoporosis, diabetes, or high blood pressure. I do want to jump.

Yeah. But what do you think about me because of that? I think it's probably your tight pelvic floor. I know. It's way better. It's not responding well. I was like, I used to do this class called The Class Dude. And I was like, I can't be here. Well, that's the thing. But then you stop working out. And then you like miss what you love. And then I get morbidly obese. No, but it's like that could be something that enriches your life. But it like takes away from it. And I think a lot of it is.

We worry so much about the way the outside of our body looks. And I'm like, I want you to think about the way the inside of your body functions. Yes. Like these are... It's not like looks. It's not even the size of your labia. It's like the way your body functions. And I want you to live a good long life and not have to worry about pelvic floor issues later because you're taking care of it now. Yeah. I mean, there's a whole aisle of incontinence products when you go to the grocery store. And it's because...

older women are peeing their pants. And I'm like, I don't think that diapers need to be our destiny. That should be a static post. Diapers don't need to be your destiny. It's true. Here's why. Yeah.

I mean, no shade on, but it's like I, and I have, and I'm like, or if you need surgery, like let's make that a successful surgery for you. If you have to have a prolapse repair, like get therapy before, get therapy after. So all of this, I want women to feel informed so they don't live in the dark about their bodies. I want their, if you're raising kids, I want you to teach your kids so that they don't live in the dark and they have better options and information than we did.

I want you to know how to get help. You can either start using the tips in the book right away or you can find a pelvic floor therapist near you. And I think that you will just realize how amazing it can improve your life. Even if it's just a little leak here or there or a little bit of like pain with sex, it's

or tailbone pain. It just, these small things can be big, but they're really easy to fix. I'm excited to have better orgasms because I'm relaxed on my pelvic floor. There you go. And to not leak in the jumping. And I'm excited for more orgasms. Jumping, I don't get it. Last question. What are some things that you do to take care of your pelvic floor to stay healthy? So the first one is how I pee. I don't push ever. I never power pee. You relax. Yes.

Sit, chill. And I sit to pee as much as possible. It's just invitation to chill. Chill. Do what the men do. Yeah. Take 30 minutes. Take your time. Take your time. Relax. I always use a Squatty Potty to poop. And if like I'm traveling now. Is there a brand you love? The Squatty Potty brand. Okay, cool. They have a travel one. They have a pink one. They have, you know, a wood bamboo one. Very modern. But even if I'm traveling, I just turn a trash can on its side in the hotel bathroom. Like I always have my feet elevated to poop. Smart.

I actually, another one is I use a really good lube. Like I don't go to the grocery stores and get all that nonsense. What brand? I use something called Slippery Stuff. Cool. But Diva came out with one recently. The people who made the Diva Cup came out with a lube that's really good. I like Woo More Play. It's like coconut oil. Yeah.

There's another one called Cocoa Nude that I like a lot too. It's also coconut oil based. And you can just use coconut oil if you want to. And I use a moisturizing balm on my vulva. Okay, cool. Just for what? Well, dryness. So sometimes certain times my period and my estrogen levels are low. I'm also on perimenopause. But I started using this when I was postpartum and breastfeeding. And you're...

It's like your vagina is going through menopause when you're breastfeeding because you have no estrogen. So I use a balm just like I do on my skin, on my face. I use like a moisturizing balm a couple times a week or if there's dryness. And when I work out, these are the two biggest things for anybody who's working out. You need to contract your pelvic floor. So if you're doing Pilates, if you're lifting weights, contract your pelvic floor. And you need to breathe, like exhale when you're lifting. Do not hold your breath because that's that constant pressure down in your pelvic floor that can lead to weakness. Okay.

So contract and breathe. These are really simple things that anybody can build into their life. It's not a huge overhaul you have to do. We have a thousand things on our to-do list. I want these tips to be really like bite-sized and manageable and totally doable. Yeah. I'm so excited, babe. This book looks amazing. It looks beautiful. I love the cover. Thank you. The cover is a funny story because...

First, there was a papaya, but I didn't like the way the seeds looked. I was like, oh, those are just like not, I'm not vibing with those. And so we ended up with a grapefruit and the grapefruit was dry. I was like, you can't have a dry grapefruit on the cover. And then so they juiced up the grapefruit. I was like, can we have a little drip? And they were like, that's too far. I was like, okay, leave it to me to keep pushing. You're like, I want the grapefruit coming. They're like, no juicy drips from the grapefruit. I was like, okay, fine. You keep pushing it. You're like, I want a cucumber in there.

That is amazing. Well, it looks beautiful. Thank you. It looks super... I mean, I was reading it this morning. It's just great. Yeah, I'm excited. I mean, there's not pelvic floor books out there. There's books on everything else about nutrition and meditation and even menopause, but there's not pelvic floor books. So I'm really excited for this to kind of be a go-to guide for women at any age and stage. Yeah, and especially because it's related to peeing, pooping, menstruation, sex, like so many aspects of our life that we all experience and go through. I think it's huge. So

I am grateful. I'm so glad that you could come and I'm really excited about our audience to be able to see this. So you can find you Vagina Whisperer. She's our girl. We'll have this in the show notes, of course. And I have a copy now. This is mine forever. And I can't wait to read it and we'll see you on the next one. Love you guys. Bye. Thank you.

Thank you, Dr. Sarah Reardon. Again, the book is Floored and it is out now. Thank you all for listening. We appreciate you. If you bought the book, it would mean the world to us if you would review, if you've read it and have loved it. Only if you've loved it should you review. Yeah, honestly.

Find something better to do if you don't love it. No, but we would really appreciate it. It means the world to us. You've gotten just incredible, thoughtful, loving reviews. And it just helps spread the word about the book. So thank you again for getting the book. And we will see you every single week with new episodes. We'll see you soon. Love you guys. Bye. Bye.

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