今年,我与一位相识十多年的朋友小马进行了一次深入的对话,并将其记录了下来。这次对话,记录了她走过的一段充满挑战的2024年——一段她走出产后抑郁的历程。这并非一个悲伤的故事,而是一段真实的人类心路历程,由无数生活细节编织而成,如同平静海面下汹涌的波涛。我相信,这段经历能给予许多正在经历生活困境的人一些慰藉。
小马坦诚地分享了她产后经历的种种困境。情绪得不到重视,表达后也缺乏有效的反馈,让她感到无力和沮丧。她尝试向家人朋友倾诉,却发现他们无法感同身受,这加剧了她的孤独感。身体和心理的巨大变化,以及适应新角色和环境的压力,让她倍感吃力。婚姻中细微的疏离感,那些看似微不足道的细节,累积起来让她感到生活支离破碎。
她描述了那些让她感到无力和沮丧的细节:伴侣不再像以前那样细致地照顾她;家人的生活习惯与她不同,让她感到格格不入;她感到自己被剥夺了自由和个人空间,甚至在自己的家中也找不到属于自己的位置。这些感受,她难以言表,也难以被理解。
然而,小马并没有沉沦在负面情绪中。她积极寻求解决方案,通过练习瑜伽、普拉提等方式来改善身心状态。更重要的是,她逐渐意识到自我成长的重要性。她明白,只有让自己强大起来,才能更好地爱别人,才能更好地经营亲密关系。她开始更加关注自己的感受和需求,并努力寻找解决问题的方法。她给自己设定了新的目标,例如学习游泳,不断提升自我。
小马的经历让我深思。我们常常因为对他人期望过高,或者因为刻板印象,而忽略了彼此真实的感受。看似无聊的日常沟通和情感表达,其实非常重要,它是爱欲的延伸,能够拉近人与人之间的距离。在亲密关系中,坦诚沟通和相互理解至关重要。我们需要打破刻板印象,看到彼此最真实的样貌,才能建立更舒适和健康的关系。
同时,我也意识到,接受感情的流动和变化,是一种新的开始。感情变淡并不意味着不爱,而是需要我们去重新审视和经营。我们需要对自身有耐心,并专注于自我成长,才能更好地面对生活中的挑战。
小马的故事,以及我们之间的对话,让我对亲密关系和情感表达有了新的理解。它提醒我们,关注自身感受,坦诚沟通,并接受变化,是经营良好关系的关键。而自我成长,则是应对生活挑战,获得幸福的关键所在。 这漫长的“拉链”,我们仍在继续拉合,而每一次的拉合,都是一次新的开始。
Xiao Ma faced significant challenges after giving birth, including physical changes, psychological adjustments, and environmental shifts. She struggled with adapting to her new role as a mother, especially since she wasn't particularly fond of children. The demands of breastfeeding, diaper changes, and the loss of personal freedom added to her stress. Additionally, the transition from a couple's world to a family environment with parents involved created further complications, leading to feelings of isolation and depression.
Xiao Ma noticed a significant change in her relationship with her husband after childbirth. Small gestures of affection, like him offering her the first bite of food or holding her hand while walking, ceased. These changes, though seemingly minor, accumulated and contributed to her feelings of neglect and loneliness. The shift in attention from her to their child, while understandable, created a sense of loss and emotional distance in their relationship.
Xiao Ma coped with her postpartum depression by seeking positive feedback and engaging in activities that promoted her well-being, such as yoga and Pilates. She emphasized the importance of self-care and decided to focus on her own health and happiness, setting goals like learning to swim and becoming financially independent. Xiao Ma also found solace in expressing her feelings to friends who provided supportive and understanding responses, which helped her navigate through her emotional struggles.
Xiao Ma realized that her emotional needs were not being fully met in her current relationships, particularly with her husband. She acknowledged that while her husband was responsible and caring, there was a lack of deep emotional connection and understanding. This realization led her to prioritize her own well-being and independence, understanding that she needed to be strong and self-reliant to navigate her life and relationships effectively.
The podcast host related to Xiao Ma's experiences by reflecting on their own journey of personal growth and the challenges of maintaining relationships over time. They shared a sense of understanding and empathy towards Xiao Ma's struggles, recognizing the importance of time, patience, and self-acceptance in overcoming life's hurdles. The host also appreciated the depth of Xiao Ma's storytelling and the emotional honesty she brought to their conversation, which mirrored their own experiences with content creation and personal expression.
发生在无数次沟通都难以触达之后。
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00:09 Intro
PART 01
02:18 「处境」
08:27 凝视深渊
17:27 真正的关于「自己」
PART 02
23:20 时间 - 耐心 - 确定性
24:58 情绪和感受,作为困顿时刻的解题思路和答案。
27:40 彼此间无聊的废话为什么重要?—— 爱欲的延伸。
28:55 解除「刻板印象」才能真正的触达。
30:00 情感是流动的、变化和成长的,接受这一点,是一种松绑。
31:17 终将:爱神再次降临。(“只是爱就完全可以”)
31:33 Outro
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电影《Hors-saison(法国 / 2023)》插曲
《只是爱就完全可以》- 文兆杰 - 专辑:《爱神》/ 2022
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