Jocko Underground: Do You Have Emotional Discipline | Grown Kids Are Not Adults Sometimes
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This is the Jocko Underground podcast number 150 sitting here with Echo Charles. Have some good questions from the troopers. Yeah, yeah. So let's get into it. All right. First question. I found the practice of discipline easy to understand. You have control over your actions. You want to get fit. You go to the gym. You want to eat clean. You only buy healthy food. The rub for me is on the emotional front.

It's not as easy as the practice of discipline. I can want to not let things affect me and just let them go, but the emotions don't respond to my demands. I know getting butthurt about my girlfriend's actions doesn't serve anything, but they still come. I know that allowing resentment for my boss's toxicity won't help me, but there it is. I'm pretty good at containing my reactions, at least to the extent I don't lash out. Ever.

But what's the point of going through life all lit up with triggers like a Christmas tree just to tell yourself at least you're not outwardly reacting? Specifically, what is actual... What's the actual process of not allowing yourself to be affected? You know, that's good. I mean, first of all, it's good that he's recognizing that getting triggered is an emotional weakness. And...

if you succumb to that, it's not gonna help you. This is actually, you told that story, I think you read a book called Mind Games. - Mind Games. - And it told you in that book that if you lose your temper, then what did it say? Or if you, what is it? What was it? - Oh yeah, if you have anger issues, that means it comes from low self esteem. - There you go. And so you decided you weren't gonna get mad anymore. So that's kind of what I think here. When I look at this, in some ways,

A lack of self-control over your emotions shouldn't be that hard to contend with because it's literally inside your own head. You're not squatting, you're not doing 20 rep squats. You're not doing hill sprints. You're not swinging a kettlebell. So it's just this little tiny thing inside your head. All you have to do is just control your emotions. So that seems like it should be pretty easy.

If you don't have the discipline to do that, then does it really matter if you can squat a lot? If you're a freaking idiot? I'm not calling you an idiot, bro. What I'm saying, you have to learn this. This is detachment. This is the detachment protocol, right? So you start to get triggered.

For your the word that you use you start to feel your emotions peak You know take a step back literally take a step back from the situation literally look around open up your field of view Literally take a big breath your mom or your dad told you and you start to get mad count to ten if you got a count to ten Count ten nod your head and listen and don't say a word. That's the that's the protocol I've done that about a million times then what I would think about here is I would I

when you're now taking a breath and thinking, I would think about a strategic thought. What is gonna help you in the long term? How are you gonna win in the long term? How are you going to have a good relationship with your girlfriend? Is it gonna be if you like,

Ignore the fact that she's did something that annoys you and now you're kind of grumpy dirt is that gonna help? Thank me a good relationship. No is it gonna help you get promoted at boss? Yeah at work if your boss would your boss's toxicity and you're resenting it you're holding it in but you still like you know, that's not good for you It's not good for you. It's not good for your relationship with your girlfriend It's not good for getting promoted or getting building your relationship with your boss. Here's a question. Do you want to win or not? I

Do you want to win or not? Do you want to let other people control you? Do you want to let other people control you? Because if they can make you angry, they're controlling you. Do you want to be weak? Because this is a weakness. It's a weakness. That's what I feel like that transition that you made in your life, was you realized, I've always said, you know, losing your temper is a weakness. But for you, it was like losing your temper shows insecurity. And that was enough to make you, oh yeah, I'm not playing that game. Yeah.

I'm not gonna let that happen. So don't allow yourself that weakness. Do you wanna be weak or do you wanna be a disciplined, strategic thinker? Or do you wanna be a short-term lizard brain? Right, the lizard brain? The lizard brain is just reacting to what, like survival instincts. That's all it's doing. Has no frontal cortex, just . That's what it's doing. - Yep, it's true. - And that's what you're doing. Not you, Echo Charles, but you, question, ask her.

Your lizard brain is just going off, man. So if you think about, if you think about, you mentioned that, you know, in the physical world, this is pretty easy for you, right? You want to be in shape. You don't want to be weak. You don't want to be sick. You don't want to, you want to have the strength and the discipline and control over yourself. That's why you're working out. That's why we're being strong. This is the same thing. Do you want to be emotionally weak? Do you want to be mentally weak? No, you don't want to be. It's the same thing.

You get control, you become mentally strong, you don't allow these little things to bother you. And this is a key component. What are you letting bother you? Like what matters? You should be, and listen, people will say this is, people will take this and be like, oh, what are you trying to say? We should have no emotions? No, I'm not saying you should have no emotions. But there should be very few things that drive you to become emotional.

Like if you're getting a road rage, you got issues. If you're getting mad because the girl in front of you in the grocery store is taking too long, you got issues. If you're getting mad because you're, what's he got a girlfriend or a wife? Girlfriend. Are you getting mad because your girlfriend, what'd she do wrong? You know, she showed up late. Hey, we're supposed to leave at four. It's 418. Like, is that going to make you mad? And if it makes you mad and now you make an emotional decision about it, was it good?

You know now if you made a logical listen, you know what? I don't know if we I don't know if this girl She's continually late. She doesn't care about the things that I care about me That's probably not a best relationship to maintain. What if you make that logical decision find? Oh, yeah, I'm at my work my box I don't like his leadership style and you've leave storm out one day and quit now. You don't have a job Is that good? No, it's not good But if you say you know what, maybe I should start getting my resume together and fun if you make a logical decision That's fine. But if you allow these little annoyances

to dictate your mood and your actions, that's just terrible. And it sounds like you've got your actions controlled, but even if they're controlling your mood, even if you're walking around with pent up anger, instead of being like, yeah, whatever. I cannot tell you the number of things in a day that I go, what is that noise?

Does that noise have a name? You know what it is. But you know some noises have a name like a sigh, like that has a name. Or a phew, that's a name, right? Sure, phew. But what's the name of the noise? But you know it, right? It's a thing. Yes, sir, it is. I, in my head, do that all day long. It's like, yeah.

Not much I can do about it. Not going to worry about it. Yeah. Kind of out of my control. Not going to really impact the way my life is. You know, oh, you're yelling and screaming at me because you're late for work and I'm the car in front of you. You know what I mean? Yes, I do. Actually, it's good. It's just like, what are you going to do? So I would for this dude in particular, I would implement more into your life.

And we'll try and figure out if that thing has a name, that noise. I say that a lot. I don't say it out loud, but man, there's so... Hey, especially in this day and age, because you can go online. Bro, people are like losing their minds online. And things that literally don't matter at all. Things that are happening thousands of miles away from them and...

may or may not be true. So yeah, implement more in your life and I think you're gonna be a better spot. Yeah. Yeah. It's a real, it's like a real dismissive expression. Yeah. Yeah. I guess it is. Yeah. So yeah,

I'll get in trouble in a playful way from my lovely wife by saying it is what it is. But I say it kind of with that tone right there. You know how like if someone's coming to you with something and they're kind of like fired up about it, not terribly necessarily, but you know, like when someone comes to you and they're on the emotional side about something, there is a small unwritten expectation that you're going to kind of reflect at the very least, right?

So I'm not necessarily talking about the reflect and diminish. If you just dim it, this is what it turns out to be just diminished. Right. So it's like, yeah. Or no, that's dismissing. So I, so I say it is what it is. It's like, but I think I do do that thing. It is what it is. Notice. I said multiple times, not out loud. Yeah. You know what I mean? I said that multiple times for a reason, by the way. Yeah. Because if you, if your wife says, you know,

If your wife shows up late... And there you go. That's a little taste of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. And if you want to listen to the whole thing, go to jockounderground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this to mitigate...

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