Jocko Underground: Recover From Trauma | Smashing Through Set-Backs
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This is the joo underground podcast are sitting here that, Charles, we have some pretty questions this week. We will now answer at this time. Start off with the first question. Next question.

do jack help to you? Find you? Well, I want to reach out to you because that my insights and on resilience and mental toughness, okay, so growing up, I face consistent verbal and physical bees from my father, who frequently told me I wasn't enough tall, me down and made me doubt my own worth.

Those years were extremely difficult, but through them I found an inner strength that allowed me to rise above my circumstances and build a success for fulfilling life. Today, i'm a nurse, proud of the impact I make in people's lives in a healthy, supportive relations with a kind man who who believes in me. I've come a long way, but part my past still follows me.

Despite all i've achieved, my father's words and the memories of his treatment still linger. Sometimes surfacing is self doubt or insecurity. And I want to fully overcome the impact of his words and actions, not just live around them or push them to the site.

I want to silence those voices for good and free myself from the hold my past has on me. I would be deeply grateful if you could offer any guide dance on how to truly move forward and leave the weight of that abuse behind me. How can I work fully, work to fully overcome what happened to me so I can live in a way that feels truly free of that past? Thank you for taking the time to read this in being such powerful source of strengthened inspiration to for so many, including .

myself well, first of all, awesome work. Um IT sounds like you do now sending job in your life, right? Your nurse are a good later c all those things are awesome.

And here's the thing you are dad, your fathers I should say dads like a little bit an enduring term. I'm going to take that away. Member right now, your father's commentary was back then and is a reflection of him and not you.

That's what's happening. I he is a troubled, I would say, man, but he isn't like much. But then he was a troubled human. He's likely very insecure, very self downing at a minimum.

At a minimum, he didn't achieve what he thought he shouldn't have achieved, or he didn't achieve what he thought he deserves at a minimum. And so you probably, and well, and you know what, even if he, even if he achieved things, he wasn't enough, he thought he deserve more. Because I think, you know I was saying that maybe he's this rich, you know a uh, oil tycoon with all this money still he didn't achieve what he thought should.

That's why he's the meaning of you. That's why you threatened him or you actually say you were threatening to him even as a child. And is why I says a troubled person and a horrible person be on because he didn't want you as his child to be Better than him.

Think about that. That is a terrible parent that you don't want your children to be more successful, Better than you are. And even if you have that feeling, keep IT inside for crying out loud, but to actually let IT out and and berrie a child, disgusting and and then physical abuse, mental will be just terrible.

So what we have to recognize, have to recognize your father for what he really was, what he really is. And listen, this doesn't mean you have to hate him. In fact, you can still love.

You're doubt, believe or not, it's just that he's imperfect. In fact, he's far from perfect. Everyone's imperfect. He's far from perfect, even me. Uh, echo Charles, i've talked about break up and I gave i've had a lot of people give me feedback over the years about my commentary on when when you know a girl cheats on you or whatever break up with you.

And my key point to convey in those situations .

is that the girl that you are in love with doesn't actually exist. SHE doesn't actually exist.

IT was an illusion that you created in your head that he was going to love you forever, that you're not going to get married, that you're going to live happily after all that self that was not true um and the girl that you were in love with doesn't really exist SHE was a liar and you convinced yourself in your own head of what he was like in this scenario it's a it's a similar scenario in that your father, the father that you wish you had and a father that your father should act like that actually exist. He's not a leader. He's got a crazy ego.

He has an agenda. He's insecure. He's got a bunch of shortfalls. He's emotionally unstable. He lacks perspective, like he is a terrible person.

He is a terrible person, but guess what is your father? Here's the problem. You've assigned the weight, assigned a bunch of weight, undeserved weight, to the words that your father speaks just because he's your father.

You've assigned a bunch of way you ever been insulted by someone. Echoes, yes. Then have you have been have ever had someone say something that really hurt your feelings? Ah, i'm sure I have OK.

It's been a while. Have you ever .

been had your feelings really hurt by someone that you didn't respect to care about? Of course not. So for some reason, if we don't care about some wonderful if if if we don't hear the word, if I don't respect you, I don't really care what you say about me because I no respect for you.

And this is kind of a similar scenario right now. You assign all this weight to the words that your code and quote, father says about you, and you shouldn't, you shouldn't. You're giving him way towards just because he's your biological father, just because he had a moment in time and he completed a physical action that created you, which is kind of a random action in many ways like he he did that thing.

And and because he did the thing that, by the way, monkeys and horses and dogs do we're giving him some kind of authority over your mind is not right. He doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve that at all if he cared for you and took care of you and raised you and was gentle with you and taught you and mentored you and cared about you.

And then he said something negative, yeah, you should be going, wow, this hurts. But this dude was abusing you physically, psychologically, emotionally, verbally, that this is this guys, this guide, is you should not listen anything that this person says. Honestly, the only little thread is that just, you happen to have this weird biological connection to him, which, by the way.

That can be meaningless. They can be IT can be totally meaningless. IT can have meaning or cannot have meaning IT IT doesn't really matter.

You get to decide. You get to decide if you want to give that meaning or not. In this case, I would say don't give you any meaning, I would say do not give you any meaning.

There is no reason to you are a squared away, respectable, awesome person doing an honorable job helping other people as a nurse, you're successful professionally. You have, you're in a good relationship. So here's where i'm going to kind of here's a little curve ball i've got for you.

And I think this is because you wanna be free and clear of this, and i'm going to tell you this is hard to do. You've got to recognize that he's terrible. Got to recognize that his words should Carry no weight.

I'm going to say that the dishes Carry anyway at all. This shouldn't mean anything more to you. Been a squirl like IT should just mean IT should mean ough IT mean less to you.

So you have to recognize that that we is. And then here's the tRicky part. You got a forgiven for IT go back.

Oh yeah, yeah. My father, my father is a flawed person who is cruel and abusive and terrible. I forgive him, and he, he, I don't. His words no longer, and his actions no longer have any way over me.

Do you have to forgive .

for the short phones? Understand the shortfalls, forgiven for those shortfalls, and then you gotta move forward, move ford without the burden of his selfish and self absorbed and ego manic words, because that's what IT is. They, those words from him, those actions from him, mean nothing.

That little thread that when I say that you go yesterday, do yes, no, no. They actually know. They actually don't.

They actually don't mean anything. You are giving them value and you don't have to. So that is a little except of what we are doing on the joo underground podcast.

So if you want to continue to listen, go to joko underground dot com and subscribe. And we're doing this. We're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms. So we are not subject to their control. And we are doing this so we can support the jackal podcast, which will remain as is free for all as long as we can give IT that way.

But we but we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors, and we're doing IT so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections, Better communications with us. And to do that, we are we are building a website right now where we build the utilize to strengthened this region of troops that are in the game with us. So thank you.

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