353: Connect with Your True Self: The Missing Piece in the Nervous System Conversation | Dr. Melissa Sonners
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Hey everyone, Dr. Josh Axe here. I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're probably someone who's deeply interested in elevating your health, right? Yeah, I think so if you're listening to this podcast. Well, if there's anything I've learned over the past few decades of helping patients and other people heal and transform their health, it's this. If you truly want to heal and experience a breakthrough, it happens at the intersection of natural health, holistic medicine, personal growth, and even psychology. And that's exactly what I dive into on the

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Welcome to the ancient health podcast where east meets west in the world of medicine I'm dr Chris Motley and here we explore how modern western science and traditional eastern wisdom come together to unlock the body's full healing potential Each week we'll dive into powerful tools techniques and approaches from both sides of the world to help you optimize your health and live with vitality Let's bridge the gap between ancient practices in cutting-edge medicine. Let's get started

Hey, guys. Welcome back. You're listening to the Ancient Health Podcast. I'm so excited to be hosting this interview today with kind of my twin. I mean, I'm sitting here. We're both – we look kind of like, you know, we're just sisters. So –

And I feel like actually this is going to be like a very sister friendly conversation. And for our audience, you're I think you're going to glean a lot from this. And if you're listening to this and you're trying to find your rhythm, not exactly sure when this one's going to air, but we're in the middle of summer while we're recording this. And so we're kind of talking about a little bit of just the dysregulation of our home rhythms. It's all it's a little bit of organized chaos, maybe, but but also finding some flow in that to realizing that.

not everything needs to have complete structure. And so I'm excited to just go probably to a lot of different places that we weren't even expecting, but I believe that's probably where we're destined to be. So Dr. Melissa Saunders is with me today. She's an incredible woman. She has a powerful testimony and story, and I can't wait for her to share it because I know many of you will relate with complex conditions regarding Lyme disease and mold toxicity. These are

all over the place. Now we're hearing about the effects of some of these chronic conditions. And so we're going to go over that, but she has an amazing podcast. If you haven't checked it out called Be Inspired Mama, and she has...

amazing guests, some of which you've heard on our platform, but also some of her story and her guest conversations are phenomenal. So check her out there. We're going to probably plug a ton of her resources too all throughout the podcast. I want her to take the stage and just run with it because she has so much to offer us. So Dr. Melissa, thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited for this conversation, kind of like the structured themes and things that we want to touch on. And then also like just the reality of life as a woman.

as a mom, whether or not you have kids, the beautiful mass chaos. And my favorite thing to talk about is how to like reset and connect in an instant in those moments of just

complete disaster, whether it's with your children in your home or in real life or in work, those moments that we all have that make us human. That is my passion. So I'm so excited to have this conversation with you. Thank you for having me, Courtney. Yeah. Well, I want to just, I want you to kick us off here with your story because I think that this says a lot for anyone that is in the middle of their healing journey, looking for answers to their symptoms, and

really perplexed as to maybe what's going on because doctors aren't giving them any direction. You have a really powerful testimony where you journey through some really complicated stuff, also got turned away or turned down by doctors, told that, you know, just go home, you know, you're tired. So I want you to share this because this is powerful and this is going to give somebody hope, I believe, when they're facing probably the, you know, very similar resistance or similar answers in a time where they're desperate.

Yeah, I think it really all comes down to, you know, standing up for ourselves and listening to that gut feeling and that intuition because we know ourselves better than anyone. And I think as women, we have so lost touch with that. And I love the people you're interviewing because I think that's so interwoven into so many messages. And specifically when we're talking about these health journeys, that is exactly what happened to me.

So I have been, I'm a chiropractor. My husband and I run a major wellness office in New Jersey. We actually recently moved to Miami. But we have chiropractic, we have acupuncture, intuitive body work. We also run one of the biggest hyperbaric centers in the East Coast.

We have a global company certifying functional medicine practitioners in hyperbaric oxygen. I say all this to say, like, I have lived that healthy, natural lifestyle and this still happens to me. So I really, you know, this can happen to anyone. And I think it's really important and can help maybe people that aren't living in this natural health space to understand that they're not alone, right? This can happen to even people who know so much about these topics. Yeah.

But I was like doing all the right things. So I'm a mom of three and I was running our practice, had a full patient load on our practice. I was eating clean. I was working out, hitting CrossFit gym every morning at like 5.45 a.m., homeschooling our three children at the time, living the typical like rushing women lifestyle that I think is just so common these days. And

I tanked. I completely lost myself. I was burning the candle at both ends. And we at the time had a sailboat and we were spending the weekend on the sailboat. We had, you know, our three kids all under the age of six. And we decided to have one of their friends sleep over as well. So I had four children, six and under. And I was getting ready to tuck them in and something happened and I just got hit.

And it felt like it felt like I got some really bad news, like about a family tragedy or something like my complete body went into fight or flight, like anxious takeover. And I couldn't crawl my way out of it. I couldn't breathe my way out of it. I even grabbed a glass of wine. I'm like, let me see if this just can kind of like calm me down. Nothing worked. I tried to sleep through the night. I was up all night. Like what the heck is going on? And the next morning,

told my husband, I had said nothing, you know, that night. It's like we suffer in silence all the time. And I told my husband, I'm like, something's not right. Like my body feels like it's literally under attack. I need to go home. Like I need to figure this out. Can you, you know, whatever, like asking quietly for that support. And he's like, I think you just have the keto flu. Totally dismissed my symptoms and sent me home with all the kids while he stayed back for a fishing trip with his dad.

And I remember in that moment being like, oh, my God, I felt so unsupported. I felt so unseen, like something was dramatically wrong. So I stopped. I got a huge coffee. I was like, I have to figure out how to like pull myself together and drive this 45 minute ride home. I had been up all night. I didn't feel right. And, you know, I feel like a lot of these things sound crazy. But how how many times in our lives have we done that?

We've been like, I'm not well, I'm not okay. Maybe whispered that we need help, not gotten it and then like slammed whatever it is we needed to make it okay, like caffeine, whatever. So I got home and things just continued to like downward slide. A few days later, we had my son's, my older son's kindergarten graduation.

We're sitting there at the graduation. I've got our four-year-old other son. I've got my daughter that I'm breastfeeding. And I'm like bawling my eyes out as they're on the stage for kindergarten and graduation. All the moms are like, oh my God, so cute. I know it's so sad. Like they're graduating, they're getting so big. And I'm like, yeah, definitely all those things. But it wasn't why I was crying. I was like feeling myself slip away. And I was looking up on stage and I didn't know any of these kids' names. Like I couldn't remember them.

I was the room mom. Like these kids had spent a lot of time in our home. Like I knew these kids and I couldn't it's like I couldn't connect the dots. So I'm like, clearly something is wrong. Like something is not right. I'm like cancer. Like, I don't know, you know. So I went to urgent care. I'm like, I just need blood work. It was a weekend. Our office, like our nurse wasn't in.

So I went in and I'm like telling all this stuff to this guy doctor and kind of similar to, you know, what my husband did. And my husband's a practitioner, like he's very supportive and loving. But like if you don't speak up for yourself strongly enough, I was whispering that something was wrong. So I told this man, you know, something's not right. I'm literally feeling like all my joints lock up. I'm a chiropractor. I know my body. This isn't normal. I can't find my way to our office.

And he's like, you're just a tired mom of three. You probably caught a bug. Like, go home and rest.

Which, first of all, that's not in our wheelhouse. Like, send a mom with three young kids home to rest. It's not going to happen. Second of all, thank God I'm in the health space enough to know that if I told this man I was not leaving unless he signed something that he refused to test my blood, that I would get that test. Because I think most women would leave, right? Most women would be like, okay, maybe this is in my head, right? Yeah.

maybe I am being crazy and go home and like God only knows what would have happened. Yeah. So long story short, we tested the blood. I had major Lyme. Later we found out I had mold toxicity. But you know what I came to find out, and this is really like what I love talking about, is that I got myself into a situation where my body was in a place, my nervous system was in a place that whether it was Lyme, mold,

anything like I was so burnt out and fried that I wasn't able to handle what was coming at me and that's what I realized I needed to change it wasn't that I needed to like add on more to my workout routine I didn't need to necessarily clean up the way that I was eating I needed to figure out how to actually incorporate self-care into my busy life as a mom as a

And that was the question that I started to ask. Like, what am I missing? Where is the rest that I can fit in? Had no idea how I was going to do it. But that's now those are the tools that I teach and implement on my platform, because I think whether you have kids or not, whether you're living the lifestyle exactly as I was or not, like we are all spread so thin and we all know we need to take better care of ourselves. But I think the big question is like, how, when and where are we going to fit it in? Yeah.

That's, you know, what is standing out to me in a lot of different ways is margin. And I think this is something that's not talked about is that we've really built, like you said, our culture and our rhythms in our culture, in our lives, right?

around filling everything. And if there is any extra leftover in between all the things we've packed into our lives, then we're just on social media or we're distracting ourselves. So what happens is we have breakdown because all of a sudden we either have an exposure like mold, reactivation of another virus,

Lyme, something like that. There's no margin for the immune system. There's no, there's no extra capacity because we're already maxed out. Then you look at it from the perspective of the doctor and even your husband. They're probably like, okay, I don't have, I don't actually have the time. I got, I'm, I'm actually overbooked with patients or we've already got this trip planned. We don't have to like, we got kids that need to go here and I've already committed to this. You're probably fine. Like,

And it's not to point the finger at any one person. What I'm bringing into the light here is that we have failed at being stewards of our time, realizing that we need to have built-in margin every single day. Because just like my air conditioning unit got struck by lightning two days ago, and of course, that's like an act of God. So it's not covered under warranty or anything. It's a brand new unit. So again,

Again, like an expense I wasn't planning to occur. We do this. This is, this is a part of good financial planning is, Hey, there are going to be things that pop up. And if you don't have some financial planning in place for those things, then guess what? All of a sudden your budget's going to get a little lean this month because you had no margin. You had no extra, you had nothing banked away. That would be something you could go after. The storehouses are not

full. And I think that we have depleted and we have accounted for every last morsel of our time that anytime something just goes a little hair over what we had planned for, we are now going to suffer a complete deficit of our ability to recover, to face whatever challenge that is. And nobody else has the capacity because we're all doing it. So when we have the expectation, hey, can somebody come take care of us? Sorry, no.

My schedule is completely full. I mean, this is why women are burned out in the home because it used to be that we all raised our kids together. So it was like, hey, you're not feeling well. Send your kids to my house. Well, I feel bad sending my kids to anyone else's house because I know that that mom's already stressed out and I can't send them my three kids. And I feel the same way. I'm like, I don't know if I could take anyone else's kids because I mean, let's look at what's going on. You know, the wheels are kind of falling off the bus here. So, I mean, I say all of that because

I think from a proactive standpoint, being on the offense, we need to do a better job of realizing that it's our lifestyle that is setting us up for failure. And we are unknowingly choosing that just because you have a free hour doesn't mean the kid has to be signed up for the extra sport or the extra activity. Like build in margin to your life because you will need it. Like you absolutely need that time every single day.

Yeah, I love that. I love that analogy. I think that's so true. That's such a great, we do it in our budget. We don't do it with our health or with our time and our space. And then I think this is what presents the next conundrum for us as women. It's like, okay, great. That all makes sense. Where the heck am I going to fit that in? Like I am slammed. And now everyone's sharing this message with me that I've got to take care of myself or I'm going to get sick. Okay, fine.

how do I do that? And so here's my thought on this. Here's where I go with this. There's a couple of things. One, I feel like we do have these little pockets of time throughout the day. Like you said, we'll go on socials or we'll sign our kids up for the next thing or whatever it is. One, we don't even know what to do in those little spots anymore to fulfill our soul. We don't know what we want. We don't know

what we can do in those two minutes that will actually feel good and move the needle. So what do we do? We do something that's like mindless instead, right? Which is actually not mindless if you're going on digital and we can talk about that. It's one of the most stimulating things to our brain. So we don't ever get that brain break that we crave. So that's one thing I like to teach and talk about. The other thing is, I'm curious if you've experienced this as a mom. There are so many times in my life, and especially as the kids were younger, that I was so lonely.

Even though I'm surrounded by people. And I think what I've realized is that when we experience that loneliness and we're like, what am I, how am I lonely? Like I have people all around me. I don't have a minute to myself. How can I be lonely? I was lonely for myself. Like I missed that person that I used to be. I missed that connection.

And so what I think this is really about and creating those margins and those buffers, it's not about self-care. It's not about escaping our life for this massage or, you know, whatever it is. That's this one hour appointment that we have to try to find time for in the schedule. We escape, we get that one hour and we come back and everything's exactly the same. This is about creating these micro moments.

And knowing exactly what to do in these two minutes to create a connection. I like the word connection instead of self-care. To create a connection with ourself, with our true self, with our favorite self, with our soul, with what it is we actually need in those moments.

to know exactly what to do and to do it and then get right back into what it is you need to do, whether it's the air conditioner frying or like we just came back from a month away, our roof fell through, my car battery died. Like it's all the things, right? Like this is real life. And so how can we in the chaos have these like 30 second, one minute, two minute dips out where we're like spinning and we can reset and connect and get back into our bodies, back into our hearts and

to be able to go after it again without feeling like we're so spread thin and that we're doing everything for everybody else and forgetting about our true self. Yeah. I have to ask, is this, were you able to, was this something that you discovered while you were in the healing? Was this something you had to learn how to do for yourself? Yeah.

Because I feel like, you know, that's a lot of the life lessons is like the stuff that we struggle with as weak points, because they're the things that are the hardest for us. It's really what we're meant to master. It's what we are meant to be walking in because we realize like the opposition that we face, we realize the tools that work for us. And so it births in us this passion to be able to share what we've seen before.

that we've been able to overcome in our life. How much of this strategy do you feel like contributed to you healing and being in the state of health you are today? I mean, all of it, really all of it. So when I was going through the thick of it, like I knew in my mind that this was something I needed to work on. I didn't have access, right? I needed to first get to a place where I could remember how to get to my office.

So at first it was all about like the chemical tools that I needed, like the supplements, the fasting, the hyperbarics, all that stuff. But knowing that at best I was just going to get myself back into a place where maybe I felt good, but I was just primed to have it happen again. So, yeah, I mean, I had to start asking myself some really hard questions.

And in order to do that, I had to create some space for myself. And again, knowing like as a busy mom, as a busy career woman, there's not a lot of that space. But so I basically started changing my morning routine. So whereas in the past I would, which is probably like a really typical scenario for a lot of us, I would, the alarm would go off at like 4.30 a.m. so that I could have time for myself, which was spent in what I called a power hour.

So I'd go down, I'd turn on the coffee machine. I'd open my emails. I would like get ahead of the day and it was total fight or flight right out the gate. And then I would hit my CrossFit class for 530 a.m. Lights, heavy weights. I mean, I'm all about like CrossFit. I like I like lifting. But you think about like what my body actually wanted in the mornings and how much I was turning off that message.

So like if we can just create enough space to listen, our bodies will tell us what they want and need. And it's going to vary, especially as a cycling women. It's going to vary throughout your cycle based on your hormones. So, so many of those mornings, like if I would have just let the alarm go off and be like, what is it I really want right now? Like maybe I, maybe I want to sleep in. Maybe I want to get up. So I have this time for myself before the world's awake and my kids are awake, but

You know, maybe I want to spend it like low key, like maybe it's winter and I want to turn on our fireplace and enjoy a slow coffee and not open my computer. So I just simply started to listen. I'm like, let me just start to see what I'm actually wanting.

Because for so long, it's like I didn't even listen to that. I was asking what the world needed from me. Who needs me? What do I need to do in this 45 minutes that I have before the day starts? And how can I get ahead of the day? Like you never get ahead. You never get ahead because you're, you know, you answer the emails, you email people, and then there's like twice the emails in your inbox. So, you know, I had to restructure. And for me, it always started with the morning. I think some people like the night. I'm a morning person.

And so it was literally just taking like 10 minutes and checking in. And, you know, what I realized is and what I really want your listeners to hear, especially the women, we have all the answers. Whether it's for your health journey and you've got, you know, I know you just had Amy Horniman on and she was talking about thyroid. Whether it's like thyroid struggles, like, you know, when something's not right. Yeah. You know everything.

You know what you need. You know what you don't need. Maybe you don't have the exact answers, but we have the best doctor within us. We have the best spiritual guide within us. We have God within us. We have all this here. We've just stopped listening, so it's become a whisper. One of the freebies we can link in the show notes is something I call the Self-With Challenge. It's a 31-day challenge. I encourage women to stop seeing this time with ourself as being selfish and

And to stop feeling like we have to be selfless. Like that's, I mean, if you just think about it, it's like we have no sense of self when we're selfless and start being self-worth.

And start taking this time in the morning. And so I walk people through 31 days, 10 minutes in the morning to completely change the way that you show up in your day. I love that. We'll put that in the notes for you guys. You know, it seems so obvious sometimes it's like, you know, but is this going to really move the needle on my health? Because, you know, I'm just like you said, like sometimes we get into a place, we're so deep in the pit, we can't even help ourselves.

All it takes is a little momentum. It takes a little, a couple wins here, a couple wins there for you to start building your confidence that you actually are healing. Like you actually do feel a little bit better. The things that you are doing are working. They're making a difference. So I'm curious, like when and if you felt like, okay, this is working. I see my body responding. I'm actually building, building something that is healing.

It's a lifestyle that's working, that my body is loving, that I'm feeling good about. Yeah. And I think also, you know, it's so easy for us to be all or nothing, right? It's like, okay, well, if I can't establish this practice, whatever it is, my workout, my health journey, my connection time with myself, if I can't do it every day for an hour, then I'm failing. Like, no. How about just like you said, like, how about just a little bit?

How about 1% a day? Or how about, you know, you take all these messages from a podcast and it's incredible information, but you're like, where do I start? Pick one thing. Like I'm so big. Pick one thing for the year. Pick a word for the year that you're going to align with or chunk it down to the month. I think we need to realize the power of small changes over time. Yeah. You know, we do this. I have this book club for women that I love and yeah,

we, one of the first books that we read is The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. I don't know if people are into that book or have heard of that book, but it's basically, it's really cool. It's about becoming the observer. And so, you know, when you talked about like this voice in our head, like you're not doing it right, all these people are going to keep showing up against you and all these things, becoming the observer in our life, instead of being so close to what's going on in our heads, it's like when you've got

your head's spinning, right? Life is crazy. And maybe you grab a girlfriend and you're like, can I just talk this through with you? And they can look at what's going on from a logical place because there's a little bit of a distance between them and the challenge or the problem.

When we can become the observer in our own life, we're still feeling all the feelings. We're not disconnecting from them. But it creates just enough distance where I think we can even, like the way that I look at it is almost like these two energies within us. And, you know, I think there's a lot of different ways that people can look at this, whatever aligns with them. But for so often, we've listened to this one energy or this one voice that's like, you can't do it. Here you go again. Right. It's the voice of our mothers, fathers, teachers, preachers, our ego.

perhaps. There's this other really quiet voice. And, you know, in the way that I look at things, this is like our soul. This is our true self. This is our higher self. This is our intuition. This is our connection. And that's the little voice that's like, just five more minutes in bed. Or like, just take this way instead of that way to work. Like, I don't know why. Just try it. And the more we start to feed and nurture our

this side, the true self, the favorite self, intuitive self, giving ourself that 1% permission instead of going all in, the stronger that is going to get. And that to me is, I think, what really sets that momentum forward.

Right. Taking the bravery and courage to be like, you know what, doctor, you're wrong. I'm not going to sit here and listen to that voice anymore. I'm going to speak up for what I feel in my gut. You're wrong. Thank you for your info. I'm going to hire someone else and go the other way. Like this is not for me. Yeah. And so just that one foot forward. And, you know, as we do that, I think we've all experienced this in some aspect of our life. Like the next step magically appears. Yeah.

It's always there for us. And I think it's about taking this leap of faith and giving ourselves permission to not do it perfectly, but whatever we can access. And yeah, like you said, within like a month, you're like, whoa, look what I did. Yeah. Well, and this is so, this is what's really cool too. I want to even actually, I'm curious because I have never been in a book club, but I am like, somebody invite me into their book club because I am like,

Recently, I mean, it's not that I haven't been a reader before, but I think that there's so much value outside of what you're gaining from the words that you're reading. But it's really an initiation of dialogue between women to go deeper in life together, like have meaningful relationship, because that's where things start coming up and out. And honestly, if you don't deal with the stuff of the heart, I mean, even the Bible says, out of the heart, the mouth speaks.

So if you don't deal, I'm telling you, and everybody, I know everyone listening will say yes, absolutely. Because what will be the litmus test for the development, for the resiliency and the state, the condition of your heart will be how you handle conflict in your life. And conflict will always present itself and it's never alone. It's usually like

in threes or there's multiples, right? Because somebody can always handle like stubbing their toe, but then you stub your toe and then someone comes in like backsides you. And now all of a sudden you're starting to get a little bit angry. That's where you see someone's true colors. Don't tell me with your mouth that you love people and you're a good person and you're kind. I'll see how you handle conflict. That will actually reveal really what's in the depths of your heart because you can't hide it then. And I think that

that having and building community where we actually are invested in one another allows us to expose the things that have been stuffed down, the pains that have not been addressed, the things that are within us that we don't even have the capacity to see because oftentimes the blind spots in our lives are things we are completely unaware of. We are blind. We are numbed out to even being able to receive it. But when you have people in your life that are invested in you, they now have the authority and the

position to speak to you without you becoming defensive. And even if it's something as simple as a book club, we are not slowing down enough as women right now to invest in one another. And that is a tragedy. That is going to be a massive downfall. We're going to see it in our children. We're already seeing it in younger populations. But what needs to be established is that

If you do feel alone, like this goes back to that aloneness that you even said. I think that there's two sides there. There's the aloneness of can you be by yourself and actually know yourself, be secure in who you are and who God says you are. And whether you have a belief in God or not, like you need to know there is identity that you are searching for. And if you don't know who you are, you sure as heck aren't going to know why you're here. You won't know what your purpose is.

So you have to know those things, but you don't know those things until you can silence all the outside voices. And on top of that, there's the community aspect of being able to have relationships where there's enough investment, there's enough skin in the game that you can have other people that can step into your life and say, hey, I can advocate for you. This isn't right. Or I see you suffering and you're trying to hold it in. You're trying to just pretend that it's not there, but I know this isn't. I know there's something else there. So there's two things that are so important

so valuable in this conversation that I'm picking up on what you're saying is that one, it's can you be alone? Can you honor yourself? Two, will you be able to take the time to be invested in community where you can now stand in the gap for somebody else, but also have somebody else that can be an intercessor for you at a time where you might be weakened? I mean, I'm just going to take that clip and put it on my website for book club. Boom. Yeah.

So, yes, so many things. So I strongly feel that the book is the gateway between not being able to be alone and being able to be alone. It's the gateway tool to having these two minutes free and not knowing what to do with them and getting on social media. It is the gateway tool to community and accountability.

And so just, I mean, there's so many things I want to say about that, but you know, in those moments where we're like, okay, I hear this message. I love this. Like, where do I start? You start with the book because when you can sit for a moment and what happens, I think to so many of us, this is what happened to me in this journey. I was like, okay, I got to sit and be quiet. I got to sit and get quiet and like, see what's going on. Well, I sat and got quiet and I was like,

well, now what do I do? Like, what do I do here? Or I don't want to hear this stuff. I don't want to hear what's going on. I don't want to hear that I don't like where I'm living. I don't want to hear that like this isn't working for me. Like, I don't know what to do with that. Or when someone starts a meditation practice and you sit and you're like, million thoughts, right? So to me,

Having a good book was what helped me bridge that gap. Because in that moment where I sat on the couch, where my body was just yearning for like a minute of downtime, of something actually mindless, a brain break. I mean, literally you take the difference in scrolling this way with your eyes and scrolling this way with your eyes. So literally the eye patterns that we do when we read a book, they're called pursuits and saccades. They literally balance your brain.

No way. So there's a reason it feels so good. So even if you read trash, which we don't do in the book club, I'm very intentional with the books that we pick. Even if you read trash, you will activate your corpus callosum and you will center your, you'll center your body. You'll feel balanced. That makes total sense. I've never heard that before, but I, the scrolling you're right. Cause you're just like, it's just this, like, you're just constantly, you know, flicking your screen, just like up, down. I mean, just,

So this makes total sense that it would actually have a different effect on the brain. Guys, we all need books. It literally calms your brain. So then you take someone taking the decision out of it for you and being like, here's some incredible books that are going to connect you with yourself and curating that. Each month I pick a book. It's transformative nonfiction. It's self-empowerment. And we read this together. And right now there's over 330 women in this group.

And so like right now we're reading a book called The Artist's Way. And The Artist's Way is all about getting back to play, getting back to that creative side that we all have. And this links us with our purpose of why we're here. Like these are these small little steps that all of a sudden you're like, oh my gosh, this is how I serve. This is how I help. And in doing so, I'm filling my tank in a way that I never have.

I personally have seen the value in having people. I mean, guys, you just can't wait until things are so bad and then be looking for people that can deposit in you. I believe that those people, there will always be provision in that. But I think we have to just understand that whether it's the lifestyle of our culture or not, we are meant to be doing life in community with one another. Like we are not supposed to be silos. Right.

That is the most dangerous ground to be on. I'm telling you, you don't want to be left alone with you and the demons that want to come and kill, steal, and destroy every good deposit in your life. You need people that can speak truth in and over you. But the only way to do that is to actually engage with other people. And I think this is a beautiful way to be able to open the door to that. Like you said, it's a bridge because oftentimes when

We are so, here's what happens when the voices in our lives are so loud. There's so much chatter because we've let everything in. We've let everything have an open door to our life. That's also another dangerous trap because it seems harmless, right? It seems like, well, it's fine. It's this social media account or that social media. It's the TV. It's, you know, it's just, it's constant voices and noise. Then when you're searching for truth, it's like, I don't even know. So when you're by yourself, you all of a sudden feel

overwhelmed because it's like the background of the lingering noise of everything you've let into your life won't shut up. And it's like, how, why? It's no wonder we don't have peace. Like, I mean, look at what we willingly let in our homes. And I've seen a massive change in my own house where, I mean, probably seven or eight months ago, I locked this place down like Fort Knox. I told the kids, I was like, listen,

No trash is coming in this house. Like I'm not. This is a sacred place. This is a place of healing and restoration, which means forget the TVs. The devices are going away. We're getting books. We're going to play games. We're going to talk. We're going to eat meals together and we're going to be bored.

And I know that probably sounds like a death sentence to a 12-year-old. But, and I mean, honestly, just so y'all feel better about this, my 10-year-old, I mean, this, like I said, I started this like eight months ago. And last week she was laying on the kitchen island with her head on the counter and she was crying. And I was like, Sadie, what is wrong? And she was like, I'm just so bored. What?

I was like, good. I know this is painful for you right now that you're 10 years old and it's, you know, one o'clock on a Sunday, you know, or whatever afternoon and you're just there's nothing on the agenda. But it's actually like it brings my heart joy that you are having to work through this frustration because this will birth creativity. And like you said, you may get resistance sometimes.

That's great. Resistance, bring it because that just means I'm growing. I know that if I'm comfortable, then I'm staying the same. But if it feels uncomfortable and it feels hard and I feel resistance, then I must be getting ready to birth something new. So lean into that. Don't be afraid. But I just love what you're doing with the book club because like I said, it's like that on my heart. I'm like, I need to. At first I was like, maybe I'll do a book club. And then I thought, maybe I'll do like a prayer club. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I love what you said about, you know, letting your kids get bored. I truly feel, and my kids hear this from me all the time, one of the greatest things that I can give you as your mother is space to be bored. You know, when I see like these incredible people doing these incredible things, whether it's like

street artists, you know, we live in Miami. So there's like, oh, there's a big artist community. Or if you're someone who looks on YouTube and sees these amazing things, or sometimes they're on Instagram, superhumans, like doing these incredible things with their body or incredible things in art, like drawing, painting, singing, those people had to get bored. Yes. Right. So you create the space, they get bored. And then what do they do? They find their way back to themselves. Right.

And so as much as I encourage moms to create the space for our children, even more so, like when is the last time that we had space to get bored? And then even enough space to figure out, okay, what do I want to fill this time with? Like what do I actually want to do? What do I want to create? And that's where the magic happens. That space, like for me, it's getting on my bike and doing like a 10 minute lap between Zoom calls or, you

really what happened on this journey for me in the last year. I also, you know, I had some small things and I had some big things. I went back to gymnastics at the age of 42. When I was young, I loved gymnastics. And it's that thing that like, I think we all have this inside of us. Like, I want to go back to ice skating, but I just never could. Or I was always in a dance, but how selfish of me, right? Like gymnastics was the one thing that I didn't even like say out loud.

or admit to myself, but if I watch anything like Olympics, gymnasts, whatever, I'm like, oh my God, I loved how my body felt. And I was talking to a friend and he was like, so go back. Like, he was just like, it's so easy. Why don't you just go back? And I'm like, you're crazy. And then I was like sitting for a minute that afternoon. I'm like, well, my son is in gymnastics. And what if I ask his coach, like, is there someone that would coach me?

So I literally called my son's gymnastics and they're like, you know what? We're actually starting an adult class tomorrow. Why don't you come? I went back to gymnastics. I was in a competition. I was in my son's gymnastics competition. Like the craziness of this and how embarrassed I could be at how nuts it looked like literally. So I started, um,

training with the coach like once a week, I would go and about a month in, he's like, we have a competition. Will you be in it? And I laughed in his face. I'm like, that's hilarious. And then again, I went home and I thought about it and I'm like, you know what? I think I've just reached that age where I'm like, whatever. I don't care. So I was like, yes, yes, I will be in the competition with all the eight, nine, 10 and 11 year olds. I'll be like the big woman, like running on the gymnastics platform. And I did it. And you know, my son was like, Oh God, mom, please don't.

But he kind of there was the coolest mom ever. Like they were like, dude, that woman has goals right there. There was like a piece of him that I think was kind of proud of me. And so I did it. And, you know, the coolest thing, Courtney, is I looked around at all these little girls.

And I'm like, they are witnessing a woman like get back to what she loved. Yeah. And I will still to this day run into them like at the gas station, whatever, grocery store. And these little girls will come up to me and they're like, you're that girl. You're that woman, that lady. You're that lady that was in our gymnastics competition. And they like want to see me. Yeah. So, you know, this is really about creating that space for ourself. And the crazier you can get with this.

Like the better it's going to feel. When I came home from that first night of training with my coach, I walked in the door and I said to my husband, don't ever let me stop doing this. Like I am the best version of me right now. I'm the best for all of you. I'm the best for me. I feel so connected and grounded and something bigger than me. Like it was incredible.

And so, you know, for some of us, it might be these big things. It might be like signing up for a class at the Y, taking dance. It might be like putting a puzzle on your coffee table and doing a puzzle instead of scrolling social media. It might be joining the book club and having a book there. It's like, what are these anchors of things that you can do in these few minutes? And so one of the last freebies I think I could share is something I call the connection code.

And that's actually the book I'm going to be writing with Hay House later this year. And in the connection code, what I do is I walk women through this discovery of like,

okay, here's a PDF and we're going to figure out it's a printable PDF and we're going to figure out in five categories what works for you. How do you connect with your heart? How do you connect with your body? How do you connect with divinity? So there's kind of like these options because again, just real quick, going back to our cycle and cycle syncing, like there's times in my cycle when I'm going to want to do gymnastics. There's times in my cycle when I'm going to want to like be on the couch and do nothing.

And so having these five options of like, here's the different categories of connection, which ones work for you? So I share a video where I take them on this journey of like, here's how you figure it out. And so then when you have these two minutes, you've got this thing

you know, taped to your fridge. Okay. I have two minutes and I want to get in my body. I'm going to turn a fun song on the radio. I'm going to lock the doors, close the shades, and I'm going to do Shakira hips. Don't lie. And like in two minutes, you feel better. And these, this is like realistic self-care. This is connection. This is how we weave this into our daily lives. This is how in those moments, like I had one this morning, I mean, summer mode as a mama, like

I know we were talking about this before recording. It is, it is beautiful and challenging. And then there's that piece where you're like, oh my God, if I complain, someone's going to be like, enjoy every moment. It goes so fast. I know it goes fast. I know it goes fast. I do so much work on myself to enjoy these moments and be present with my children. And I do a really good job of it. And that doesn't take away the fact that like there are hard moments, right? Yeah.

So like in those moments when you're playing this story in your head and there's that voice, it's like, how could you know this morning? Honestly, I'm like, I'm driving my kids to summer camp. I've not been on my computer in what feels like a year because we were away. It's not that long. I'm like, how am I going to show up on this podcast? How am I going to do everything today? My daughter's crying. She doesn't want to go to camp. Like in those moments, where do you go? And that's where the tools come into play.

And there's also moments where like, guess what? No matter how much work we do, we're going to be human. And there's some times where I choose to be human, right? Like, yeah, there are times where it's going to be messy and that's okay. I think it's about what we do after to reset and get back into alignment as quickly as possible. And that's where the tools come in. Yeah. I think it's fun to just talk about like, just like putting music on and dancing and stuff because

As adults, and I love the story of gymnastics too, because how many of us were like, that's ridiculous and we won't do it. And it's like, just have a little fun. Like, stop being so serious. I have to tell myself this all the time because I can definitely be like overly intense. And I'm just like, girl, you need to chill out. Like, just, and it is, it's with, and the moment,

that you become just playful, like just, just be yourself and don't care. I mean, and if it comes to the point where it's like, okay, put the blinds down. So the neighbors aren't like, what is she doing? I mean, yeah. Yeah. So you can totally lose your, your sense. Yeah. We'll do it. And then like, you'll eventually be like, man,

I don't even care. I'm just, you know what? I'm me and I'm going to be unapologetic. This is what I enjoy. This is what feels good to me. It is so healthy to have outlets like that. And I think that we just try and fit our lives into these really narrow boxes of here's what's expected. Here's how I need to be efficient. And when I'm productive, then I'll feel successful. That is not the...

purpose of your life is to maintain some level of success in someone else's eyes that probably doesn't give a rip about you because they only care about themselves. I mean, reorienting our perspective and really realizing what are we modeling to our families? What are we depositing in the spheres of influence that we're given? Probably not a lot if we're not built up in our spirit, if we are not built up on the inside. If we're operating at 10% capacity for our families, like

That, that's sad. Like that should not, that has to be prioritized. Like all of your relations, it goes so much beyond just you not fulfilling your potential because it overflow, like there's no overflow in your life and you're meant to be able to do that. And I think what you said, like,

Even as crazy as it may seem like, okay, I'm going back to gymnastics at 42. The message that that's sending to those that are watching and there are always eyes watching, do not undervalue what is going on around you. Sometimes we're so in our own minds thinking about ourselves all the time. We don't realize that we have people and it's not just your children. It's not just the little ones. It's other adults. I would

love to know how many other adult women you've inspired without saying that you're doing it, but the ones that have seen it and they're like, oh my, I mean, I, now that I know that I'm like, that's the coolest thing. Like she, that is a level of, she knows who she is. She is strong in her identity to her core that she doesn't care about the opinions of others. She is doing what she knows. Hey, that fills me up. And I enjoy that. And seeing somebody else experience pure joy in that, like

That to me is absolutely like it gives me so much hope and it gives me so much joy because I see, you know what, what am I not saying yes to that would allow me to have some freedom to experience life in such a more full way where I'm not just bound by the restrictions of what I think is socially acceptable.

And think about how you show up that way. I mean, I'll give you another one in case this helps inspire other people. I went back to skateboarding, not even back to skateboarding. I have never skateboarded a day in my life. And my kids are all in skateboard lessons at this amazing skate park up the road. And here's another thing we do, especially as moms, like we're running them around to all their passions.

And so the question I keep asking myself this year is like, how can I incorporate more fun as I'm sitting there on the sidelines at skate park, like scrolling my phone and doing emails? I was like, screw it. Can I join? So I joined the 10 and 11 year old skate park class. And I mean, I went and I got a helmet. I got all the pads because I've literally never been on a skateboard.

I'm like, I cannot like sprain a wrist. So I walk in that place, Courtney. I mean, it is not pretty. Like if, if I want to give people permission to show up as a mess in order to have fun, like that visual of this 42 now 43.

43-year-old woman walking in. Literally, I sit on the stairs with the 10 and 11-year-olds in the warm-up for the class as they give us the instruction. And then I go on my own with this instructor because I'm at a very beginner level and I'm learning how to skateboard. And there's two things that happen with that. One, they started a class for women because so many other women were like, I want to do it. You know, first I got all the looks, right? I got the looks that could have made me stop. But I know now that those looks are like,

please stay in your power in this because you give me permission to do the same. So when I get those questions like, aren't you afraid you're going to break something? I don't let that stop me. I'm like, yes, I kind of am. And so I'm going really slow. I'm like, yes, I am. And so I'm not going to push myself. I'm going to listen and like hold back. The other thing it does, and this is the beautiful thing because I don't think we have a lot of access to this as women. I cannot think about anything else in that one hour. It is like the one place where I cannot multitask.

You think about when you're driving your car, like how many things are you doing? How many conversations are you having? I am literally in flow. I am in present time for one hour because I have to be. I don't want to get hurt. So like to find something new in your body that you have to be 100% present for is like the greatest gift because time expands.

Like when when are we in that space anymore? Yeah. Well, and there's something, too. And like, I don't know the neuroscience behind this, but I mean, there is absolutely something to be said of applying yourself to things that you having to learn, like you're physically having to train your body mentally that actually I mean, it's like the longevity studies around learning.

challenging your body in those ways, like there's, there is a positive correlation of, hey, learning how to do a new skill, you know, maybe it's playing the guitar. I don't know why, but I feel like somebody listening is like,

wanting to play an instrument. Like, now is your time. I don't know why. I just kept thinking of that. It was like, man, someone needs to pick up the guitar right now. Maybe they haven't played in a long time or maybe they always wanted to play, but, you know, they weren't given an opportunity. Like, whatever age you are now, now is your time. But, like, how cool is that? Because we're always looking for ways to...

improve our longevity. But if you're even looking at it just from the physical health benefits, like there's so much, you're not sacrificing an hour of your time. You've got to rethink of this as an investment. Like not only are you going to now enjoy, you will be present enjoying it. You're actually improving your body, your physiology, because you're allowing yourself to be in something that's training it, that's stimulating your brain in new ways. You're physically having to show up and grow in different ways. And it's like,

the stress system, the nervous system. I mean, everybody talks about how dysregulated our nervous system is. This is the kind of stuff that actually helps rebalance you. So I just feel like what a great way to take care of yourself while also enjoying it. It's not like, okay, well, I'm going to go, you know, I got to sit in a sauna and I'm going to go do 25 kettlebell swings. And then I'm going to go, you know, dry brush. Like, I mean, listen, we all get behind all the stuff, but it's like,

It's just monotonous daily activities. This is like accomplishing so much more and also building your resiliency in so many ways. 100%. And I'm so glad you said that, Courtney, because I really feel like, you know, as someone who's lived in that sphere, in that natural health space, in the biohacking space, this is the missing piece in that conversation.

And, you know, I think for so long we have focused on everything outside of us that either we're going to feed or is going to give us strength. And this is about getting back to us. Like, you know, learning a new skill. And that's one of the five categories of the connection code. And I guarantee you're right. There's someone listening to this because you got that gut hit. You got that feeling. You got that message. There's someone that wants to start a new instrument.

Getting back to these things, it absolutely changes our brain. It creates new neural connections. It balances our corpus callosum. It literally gets you in your body. It gets you in a present time. If there was a pill that could create all this, it would be like out of stock.

And so let's get away or at least in addition to, you know, all the machines and all the supplements and all the dry brushing and sauna. I do all those things. I absolutely love them. But let's put some power into, you know, what we have inside of us and getting back to that through play and through fun and through joy. It's like it's so much more fun to play.

you know, take that hour, that half hour and do something like this instead of like, okay, now I got to go do this on in the cold plunge again. Like just add some variety. Yes. I'm so excited that we ended up here in this conversation. I knew, I knew we would just cover what we needed to cover because I am so inspired by this personally. I've like now finally cut enough things out where I have time and I'm kind of like,

Okay. And part of me is like a little apprehensive because I'm, it's, you know, when you live a lifestyle where you've overbooked yourself for a very long time, the moment you carve out and now you have dead time, it's like, I don't want to commit to anything. But I think what you're saying is it's like, like,

Instead of feeling resentful over like, oh, I'm going to give that hour up. Like now, you know, now I'm going to be holding somebody accountable for that hour. If it's not productive, it's like, no, look at it as an opportunity to bring something in that I have never done. You know, I haven't probably touched in 20 years. And so I'm just I'm actually like really, really inspired in that because I have some ideas in my in my mind personally of things that would be really fun. I'm like, why are we not doing this? I'm so glad you brought this up, honestly. Yeah.

I'm dying to hear some of yours. Are you willing to share?

Yeah, you can see how lit up you are right now. And first of all, take that energy. Like every woman listening to this, if you're watching the episode, look at Courtney right now. And if we all took that little bit of time each day and showed up like that, because that is what this does. Okay, so tell me, what are you feeling? Here's what's so funny. I don't know that our listeners know this about me, but I've like grown up with animals my whole life. And like I rode horses. I actually competed. I've

barrel race all through college. Like I've had horses have been a big part of my life. So I, and I've been wanting to get back into that. But while I was riding and stuff as a kid, I also got into doing agility with dogs. Like, cause I had, we always had border collies on the farm and you know, border collies are great at that sport. So I, in high school, I mean, I had like the, I had the craziest childhood experiences because I was like, not like in

an average high schooler. I mean, I was showing dogs, did agility and would be at horse shows every single weekend. I was in the barn every single day. So I just, I didn't spend a lot of time with people. I actually spent a ton of time with animals, which is hilarious that like what I do now is communicating because I, I didn't communicate. I didn't, I was never with other people. I was always with animals.

But that being said, I was like, you know, we have this little Australian shepherd puppy. She's six months old. And I was just thinking the other day, like a couple of weeks ago, I asked my oldest daughter, I said, you should try doing agility with her because she would be really good at it. And she was like, what is that? And so I was showing her YouTube videos and stuff. And as you're sitting here talking, I was like, why am I asking my 12 year old? She wants to do it. I should just do it with her. So I think I'm going to, I'm going to try and set her up and do that because I

I get like as a mom, I'm thinking like, oh, this would be great for my child to do. And I'll drive you there and I'll watch. And I'm like, my child didn't even know that that existed. I was the one, not the idea. Maybe I'm the one that should do it. So I don't know. Maybe if there's a local agility club in Charleston, somebody let me know. I'll have to research it. But

Yeah. I mean, I find that fun. I used to put broomsticks on lawn chairs in my parents' yard and make little jumps for the dogs and like obstacles and stuff. So, I mean, this is back to like way back in the days, but hey, I might just have to bring it back. You will find a way. So now that it's in your radar, like keep talking about it, it's going to actually find you. And how cool for your kids to watch you play.

you know, they know you as mom, right? They know this version of you and to, to show them you in this playful, beautiful light is going to be one of the best gifts you could give them. It could make me cry.

And I will say, too, like if you struggle with remembering what it is that is going to light you up, like go back to like your 10, 12 year old self or even younger, because it's what you were doing then. It's what we naturally do as kids. And so for your kids, theirs is probably different than yours. Right. They'll find their way into theirs. They already do. It's like what they all do when they get bored. But, yeah, always go back to your younger self because because she was doing it.

That's I'm so excited. This is probably one of my most favorite interviews because I personally have like so many takeaways and this is going to be great. I'll have to, you know, a little Winnie and I will have to, I'm going to have to work on her obedience because I got to be honest. She,

We got, we're going to have to work on the basics first, but I'm 1000% going to do it because of this conversation. So I'm here. I know. I, I love how you live your life. Like this is the, you're just, you were like a cool mom, but you're also, you're kind of, you're a trailblazer. And I feel like a lot of women are watching and being inspired by you. I'm excited for your, your new book. That's going to be coming out. I know it's going to support a lot of people. So, okay. Give us a rundown again. Cause we've, we kind of like,

You sprinkled some of these things throughout the conversation, but you've got a lot of different ways for people to connect with you from a community standpoint and just resources. So let us know where those are. And then guys, if you're listening, just hit the show notes and you'll be able to find all of those if you need to come back to them. Perfect. Thank you. Yes. So I'm on Instagram and that's Be Inspired Mama. I know we'll link it below and kind of everything will be filtered through there. I'm always talking about any challenges I have coming up, any freebies, things like that.

I've got a website, Be Inspired Mama. A lot of my stuff is on there. A podcast right now I release every other week. That's a great place to get some of my free resources. And then my favorite three freebies that I want to share with your guys' audience is the Connection Code. I think that's a big one.

You know, it's everything that we were just talking about, everything that Courtney is getting lit up about. The connection code is going to bring you back to what that is for you. So that's a free link. Courtney, I know, will link it below. You just go on there, enter your email, you get everything you need. The other one is the 31 Day Self-With Challenge. So this is how you start your mornings. Instead of ramping up right into getting ahead of your day, this is how we start to regulate our nervous system.

Basically, what we do in that first bit in the morning, we're in a very hypnotic, programmable state. So anything we do in the first 10 minutes within waking up is what our nervous system is going to be the rest of the day. So this is like a super easy way to start it differently, to start it in a regulated state. And in those 10 minutes, a lot of what I'll encourage people to do is have a good book.

So while you're at it, why not join my free book club for women? We'll link that below as well. So right now, well, depending on when this comes out each month, I will suggest a book. We'll read it together. And then we've got a once a month Zoom call where we talk about all the concepts. And I'm building out an online platform so that we can like chat more in between.

But for now, it's very low commitment, five to 10 pages a day, or you catch up on the weekend. And if you can't read it all, that's okay. But that free book club, I call it best friends book nook, because it's really about connecting you with a network of, you know, who can be like your digital best friends if you need that. And also, more importantly, connecting with the best friend in yourself. And that's

I have a lot of fun. My life has changed a lot in the last couple of years because of these tools. These are everything I've used. I play a lot. I work really hard. I do all the things. I mean, I'm running multiple companies. I just prioritize my priorities.

and those now are around connection in place. So if I can do it, you can all do it. And I would love to hear from everyone who's listening. Like if they're going to embark and try something new, like send me an email. This is what makes me so happy. Like if I could, if I could say my purpose on this planet and what would bring me the most joy is to like light people up the way I just saw you light up with getting back to something that you love. And there's just kind of like disappear into the background. So I would love to hear what people took

took away from this episode and, you know, what they're going to courageously step into in order to get back and connected with their true self. I just feel like this is going to open the door for somebody. And again, like sometimes this is the place where when you're just sitting there and you're like, okay, well, I want to be able to write a book or I want to be like, I feel like you, if you don't have playtime carved out for yourself, like

creativity is so limited because a lot of times it's in those challenges and experiences that you just start, things just start to come together. Like you actually, they start to take shape. And those are the places where I feel like the creativity really gets flowing. So I just feel like if you feel stuck, you feel like you're stagnant or you just can't, you just can't break through,

I mean, just go play. Just go have fun. You'll be surprised, I think, in how much it will open other doors for you to be able to see things differently. It just takes a weight off of you. Like we're just so it's just that this is I feel like, yeah, adulthood has just become like this life of producing things all the time. And if you're not producing things, then, you know, it's what are you doing? You know, and then it's like guilt and shame. Like that's not how we should. That is not it. Childhood should not be the only memories of you having fun.

So yeah, I think too, it's, you know, as women, the feminine movement that I want to see, and I'll just cap it with this is, you know, it's less for us about doing it all and about being at all. And to me, the way that we be at all and the way that we show up, you know, as

as our best version of ourself is carving out this time. So to get rid of the do in our life, I mean, that's such a masculine role. Our power as feminine is truly in our ability to be. That is where we start to align with and show up as who we are and why we're here on this planet. And the easiest way to get back to that is through connection and play.

Yeah, I love it. Well, thank you so much, Dr. Melissa. This has been such a joy. It's been so much fun. I've enjoyed every minute of this conversation. It's so great to connect with you here. Guys, thank you for listening today. I hope you love this episode. Share it with a friend who maybe needs a little inspiration. Maybe they just need a little more fun in their life, but I hope you found tremendous value in it. Melissa, we will...

We'll put all of your information below so you guys, everyone that's listening, you can connect with us there. And until next time, we will see you guys. Have a blessed week. Dr. Melissa, thanks again.

Before we wrap up, please remember that the information shared in this podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services, including the giving of medical advice. No doctor-patient relationship is formed through this podcast, and the use of information here or materials linked from this podcast is at your own risk. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Always consult with your health care provider before making any changes to your health regimen and do not disregard or delay seeking medical advice for any condition you may have. Thank you for joining us today on the Ancient Health Podcast. We hope you've gained valuable insights into the harmony between Eastern and Western medicine. If you've enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe, share, and leave us a review.

Remember, true health is about balance, mind, body, and spirit. So stay tuned for more episodes where we continue to explore how ancient wisdom and modern science can work together to help you thrive. Here's to your health, balance, and well-being. I'm Dr. Chris Motley, and I look forward to our next episode together.