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Listen to all my episodes of Dr. Laura's Deep Dive in your favorite podcast app. Search for Dr. Laura's Deep Dive podcast and follow my deep dive today. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive podcast. Navigating grief, finding your way after the death of your spouse. When major catastrophes happen in your life,

you suffer. And when you suffer, you tend to just want to curl up like one of those little roly-poly bugs. You want to curl up and hide under things. I know the feeling because that happened to me. When my husband died in 2015, I was in a bit of a state of shock at first. And although I kept doing my radio program when I was off air and not distracted by work, it was a terrible time. So I know what I'm talking about when listeners call me looking for support.

after the death of their spouse like drew who phoned me shortly after returning home from his wife's funeral drew welcome to the program hi dr. Laura I'm 55 and I'm returning home just an hour ago from my the funeral of my wife who we've been married 27 years I walked into the kitchen and

it's quiet me in my yorkie and i can't fit so what what next you know will i do i turned on the radio and i thought you know your station and i knew my wife enjoyed listening to you and respecting your opinion and so i guess the question is what's the grieving process what are you going to be looking at next

Grieving process is going to be bumpy. You're going to wake up some days and go, oh, I feel okay. And you're going to wake up other days and feel completely lost. So it's bouncy. Yeah. Because it's not only that she's not there per se, but it's your life as you knew it. Right. Poof.

So for a while, you're going to bounce around with emotions. Some people are going to tell you you've got to do stuff. Other people are going to tell you you don't have to. You're going to get all kinds of advice up, down, sideways. You're going to be confused. And then you're going to feel motivated to not only go out and meet people, but go out and do new things.

I just can't even see that at this point. No, I said at some point. I didn't say tomorrow. Yeah. Right now it's just going to be very crappy because you're going to think of little things that remind you and...

You're going to turn around and want to say something to her? Yeah. It was a rough 10 months for her. She had a stroke 10 months ago, and then coming back, getting stronger, things that her last week, there were things that were just, you're saying, hey, things are coming around. Like we had a hospital bed on the first floor so she didn't have to walk up the steps. Just nothing.

you know that that final week she said but i want to start sleeping in our in our own room and and we're making up the steps uh... care mother over for dinner twice you know and and since the first stroke we we had it uh... cutter toenails done you know so so things were we're going going good and and then and then it happened again and uh... you know my son founder and on the kitchen floor she looked at him

and just never regained consciousness. How old is your son? My son's 23.

How's his state of mind finding mom? He's shaky. You know, I mean, we were through this a little bit last year when her first stroke happened, and we didn't know if she was going to pull through that. Well, I'm just a little concerned that if she was conscious...

When he found her, I worry about his having guilt that he couldn't save her. No, no, no, no. Good. No, I think he believed that she just hung on enough to, you know, see him and hear those words.

So, no. No, he's... We've come to accept that. And we came to accept the end-of-life decisions that were made subsequent to that. Yeah. And as I said, you know...

And we're real big on seeing signs, you know. Mom's telling us to do this. Mom's looking over us. So when I turned on the radio and I saw your name come up, it's like she's telling me to call you. Oh, gosh. Yeah.

How many children do you have? I have the one son. We have the one son. What's he do? He works, and he has a one-and-a-half-year-old daughter. My wife got to know her, and so we got to the point of hearing Grandma, so that was good.

So that is good. Yeah. Yeah. So you've got some extended family. Absolutely. My wife's side, sisters and brothers, two and two, they really stepped up in the last four or five days just with arrangements, just being there, you know, going to meetings. Yeah, really. I could not have done it without them.

Did you tell them that? Many times. Good. And I'll tell them that many more times. And are they... Sometimes people get a little awkward after the finalities. Are they okay with socializing with you and doing stuff? I think I don't see that as a problem. Okay. I think it's going to require you calling them and saying, you know what, guys...

You do stuff. You go hiking. You go to movies sometimes, whatever. You know, if it's okay with you, I'd like to come along, do some stuff with the family. Just tell them that you're open to it because a lot of times people don't make the effort because they don't know if you're okay with it and they don't want to make you feel bad. So communication tends to grind to a little bit of a halt. Right. And it's really going to be a little bit on you to do that.

Just don't start drinking. Don't start eating too much. And don't use any drugs. And don't stay in bed all day. Right. Because your wife would be very ticked off at you. Yeah. She would want the house to be cleaned. That's for sure. So get up and clean the house. She's a cleaner. So, yeah, that's going to happen. All right. Okay. Thank you. Well, call anytime. Very good. Thank you. Take care of yourself. Bye-bye. I remember.

feeling like Drew. I walked into my kitchen after getting home from the hospital the day my husband died and said, now what? What am I supposed to do right now? As I explained in my call with Catherine. Catherine, welcome to the program. Hi, how are you? Good. What can I do for you? I was hoping that you could help me find direction. My husband passed away nine days ago and

He's been sickly for the last 10 years and I've been taking care of him. And now I just don't know which way to go. That's kind of normal, don't you think? Yeah, I think it's normal, but I'm just not prepared for anything. Meaning that I don't know how to deal with people's comments. I don't know how to deal with...

The majority of every feeling that I have, I just feel so lost. Well, do you belong to a church that has any kind of grief group? Yes. I would start going to that every day. Okay. Because those people will understand what you're feeling because they're feeling it too. Okay. But it's going to be a big change in lifestyle for you. Yeah. And right now is not the time to think about what you're going to do instead.

Okay. Right now you're just going to feel like crap and cry and feel terrible and feel depressed and it's just going to be a crappy time for a while, Catherine. Okay. You're going to be crying a lot, freaked out a lot. This is a time really to turn to friends. When my husband died, if I didn't have friends, my head would have exploded. So it's, yeah, you really got to rely on your friends. They would make sure I was never alone. Somebody who's always there for a meal. Yeah.

They were always there if I called. I mean, you really need your friends now. Okay, I'm not, I'm usually a caregiver. I'm usually not used to someone taking care of me. Well, we're not talking about caregivers. We're not talking about anybody being your caregiver. We're talking about friends. Right, okay. And you'd be surprised who turns into a friend. I was. Okay.

I didn't realize so many people would put themselves so far out to be helpful at a terrible time. And I was very impressed and it really changed, changed my head in many ways. It was very wonderful experience, but you're going through hell first and the hell will, I mean, you could take a good year like this, you know? Goodness. It's a long time. And then it passes and then it gets easier. Okay. So it's easier now for me to,

And I also had a husband who was declining. So I really understand what you went through. There's a real shock and there's a scary part to it, watching somebody disintegrate over time. And then you're going to start worrying about yourself disintegrating over time. And it all gets very crazy. That's why you really got to talk to friends and you really have to go to a grief group. Okay, I can do that. But feeling like this, normal. Mm-hmm.

You have to go through this, and I'm sorry. I wish I could just pop you on the head with a magic wand and make it go away, but you will endure. You will endure. It just doesn't feel like it now. No, it don't. Okay. Well, thank you for your time. And call me anytime. Okay, thank you. I am one person who gets it. Totally gets it. I remember when I came back from the hospital, ran to the hospital. Your husband is not breathing.

And when I came home, I just stood in the kitchen and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. And that's exactly what I said. I had two of my friends there and I said, what am I supposed to do? What do I do now? What do I do? I mean, that's how weird a situation it is. What do I do? Well, you need to have dinner. Well, I don't think I can eat. Well, then have some tea. I can do tea. It's a shock. It's a shock and a real life game changer. So you've got to give yourself the time and space to do it. And you've got to rely on

friends. I mean, if you never understood the need for friends after a disaster, you do, and you have a great appreciation for them. Now I'm going to take a break and let you think about how you're going to straighten yourself out because you're all tied up like a curly bug. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast.

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Talk to Laura's Deep Dive Podcast. I feel a great sense of gratitude to this day toward the friends who stood by me during that time. They truly buoyed me up, always offering to take me places and do things for me. Even when my answer was, no, no, no, and no, they persevered. They'd come over for dinner. They just simply listen. With my friends by my side, things slowly started getting better.

When I first spoke to Yule, he was a ball of emotions. So I suggested, among other things, that he call on friends and family to be there, to simply listen to him the way my friends listened to me. Yule, welcome to the program. Hello. Hello. So what can I do for you? What's going on with me is 17 days ago, I lost my wife to breast cancer.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm going to try to get through this here, so bear with me. The last three months, I took care of her at home, and that was great. I was so grateful to have been able to do that. Now I'm just, gosh, I'm just lost. I'm disoriented. I'm mad. I'm just...

Oh, I just don't know what to do. So I'm alone in this house, and everything in the house is her. I feel like just getting rid of everything. Nothing seems really to matter anymore. I see people laughing, having a good time. I get mad at them for being happy. Just in a weird spot, I'm going through the rooms, I'm trying to sort through a thing, and God, I'm just not sure.

Just a mess. So I just need some guidance. The first thing I need to say to you after I said I'm sorry, that's a very big loss. Thank you. The first thing I need to say to you is this is what it's like to lose the love of your life. And it changes your whole life. You're now in that house looking at the walls. How you feel is how you have to feel for a while. This is normal. Mm-hmm.

Can't avoid this unless you're drugged or drunk, and I would not recommend either. But I would recommend having people you like to come over, spend two days, so that you're not alone alone. Even if you're not even talking, but just eating together, taking a walk, looking through her things. I think it's too early to do that. I wouldn't recommend you start doing that. But you need some friends, some family over. You cannot avoid this terrible feeling if you cared about her.

You can't avoid it, except being drunk or drugged. This is the price you pay for having a beautiful woman in your life. This is, unfortunately, the price we pay. It's like bittersweet. The sweet you know about. This is the bitter part. Yeah. And there's one more thing. Oh, okay. The way I was raised, I was raised by my grandmother, this old Russian lady. And she gave me nothing but love. I had the most beautiful childhood.

Karen, my wife, she was raised by the most horrible man, very abusive, beat her all the time. The first incident, she was 18 months old. She got some spaghetti on her face in the high chair and he backhanded her out of the high chair. So she was a very damaged person. She had trouble in relationships and she wasn't, it's hard to say, she wasn't really nice to be around a lot of the times. And I feel like God put us together

because I needed to learn how to love somebody that wasn't easy to love. She needed me. So in a way, before she died, even years before she died, I used to think, God, if I ever got out of this relationship, you know, boy, it'd be such a relief. And it's not a relief. It's terrible. It's horrible. But she was abusive to me, too, verbally. And I don't remember any of that.

I'm just a wreck, the biggest wreck I've ever been. And the first day she was gone, when I woke up in that house, I felt guilty. And maybe I should have done more to try to save her, should have tried to get her treatment. I mean, I just kind of let her do her thing. It wasn't a pain in the butt about anything. I could have been more of a pain in the butt and maybe could have saved her, forced her into some treatment. I don't know. Guilt is one of my big feelings. I'm having a hard time getting past. You know, I would argue with you here. You miss the hell out of her.

nasty little bitch that she could be, you miss the hell out of her. So now you're thinking, gee, is there something else I could have done to keep her around more often? I mean, more, longer? Of course not. You're not God. And I'm not sure God bothers in these details. So, no, but you miss her.

I do. I did get one prayer answered, though, when I was taking care of her the last couple months. This is probably a common prayer, but I wanted to really be there when she passed. I didn't want to wake up in the morning or die during the night or step out to the store and come back and she's gone. And thank God when she stopped breathing, her sister was there, her mentally challenged sister.

Started yelling. I ran in there. I grabbed her. She started breathing again. She took a couple more breaths. I told her I loved her. And I was able to be there. Yeah. And she went peacefully in my arms. She knows she was loved. So I thank God for that. Have some people go over. You'll please listen for a moment.

You need some people to come over and be with you. Not multiples, just like a friend. Okay. Have them come to your home and just walk and talk. All right. I'm just going to be a crybaby, though. That's right. That's what it's like for a while. That's normal. All right. What you're going through, you can't avoid. It just is normal.

And don't forget that even though she gave you some trouble being snarky, you gave her a better life all the way to the end that she had from the beginning. So you have been a blessing to her. Wow. A better life? That was beautiful what you said. A better life to the end than she had from the beginning. From the beginning. Wow.

Wow. At least I was able to do that. Yes, you did that. Okay. Well, thank you. I appreciate you talking to me. Call anytime. Thank you. God bless. Feeling out of control? Normal. Losing someone you love is really crappy. The pain is visceral. It's terrifying. That's why it's good to spend some time with people you can cry in front of. Crying actually helps. It changes the hormones in your body, and it really helps.

You're going to have to go through horrible stuff for a while. Anger, hopelessness, helplessness. It's just terrible. It's like if you broke your leg, it would eventually heal. But while you're healing, there's pain. There are limits to what you can actually do. So then there's frustration. It's a process. And while everyone grieves differently, one thing is for certain.

You have to be patient with yourself during the process, which I discussed with Yule when he called me back six months later. Yule, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. I appreciate you. Thank you. Last time I talked to you, it was 14 days after my wife of 12 years died, took her last breaths in my arms. I first have to thank you for treating me so kindly that day.

And he gave me some great advice. Three things he told me. Try not to be alone too much. Don't self-medicate, which I haven't done, and give it time. So it's been six months now since Karen died.

Sorry. So I'd like to bring you up to speed quickly. So on day 45, I had an estate sale. Sold everything pretty much in the house. That was a tough day. About a month later, I got a kitten. Her name was Cody.

Man, what did God send? She makes me laugh every day. So that helps me with my loneliness. Started working out, started eating healthy. I'm working out six days a week. You know, I'm in excellent physical shape now, six months later. I've been listening to a lot of self-help videos on loss, starting over, changing your emotional state, you know, building your confidence. I got braces, trying to improve my appearance.

I'm renovating the house. I mean, I'm trying to do everything right to heal, but it's going to keep going if that's all right. You're doing everything except one important thing. You're doing everything but one important thing. Okay. You're not acknowledging it takes time. Yeah. It's only six months, dear. I'm glad you're doing all that stuff, but if you thought that had a magic effect,

It was like a magic elixir. It's not. And I wish you weren't listening to all those tapes because I think you're doing that to try to force yourself forward. Okay, let me do that. Then I'll feel better. Let me do that. I think I don't want you to do all that. Stop listening to all the self-help tapes. Stop it. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. That's why I'm calling. It takes more time than six months. It takes more time than six months. All right.

I'm sorry, but it does. I'll tell you a couple more things. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you there. Go ahead. I was just repeating. I'll tell you a couple more things. I'll just kind of finish here, get me up to speed. So the day of my estate sale, I became friends with this lady that was there. And a couple months later, we started seeing each other. And...

I tell you, that took my mind off things for a while, but now a couple of months from then, I'm kind of three steps back. This is hard to articulate, but I'm going to try my best to explain what's going on inside my head right now. Start out by telling me what indication, what markers you have that you're three months back. That's a fantasy. You're not three months back. You're probably right. You're trying to be so analytical about something that's

ferociously emotional. Are you still seeing this woman? Are you having sex with her? Are you dating her? What are you doing? We're dating. I'm seeing her. Yeah. And you're having sex with her? Yes. And? Well, like I say, it's

She's a wonderful lady, and it seemed to really take my mind off things. But now, all of a sudden, I'll, I don't know, kind of back. Sweetheart, what did I say? Nothing has gone back. You're not backwards. You haven't lost three months. You're too damn impatient, and it doesn't work like that. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well...

Stop trying to yank a hothouse plant out of its pot to check the roots to see if it's growing because you just killed the plant. It takes time, maybe another year. But most of the time you'll be distracted. Sometimes you're going to feel the pain of the loss and some guilt for doing some other woman and all kinds of other things. Takes time for all that to shake out, sir. So for another year.

I think I need you to be more patient than this. Stop listening to all those tapes, trying to push it along faster. All right. Well, I guess what it is, it's not going back. It's going up and down. That's normal. There is no bottom line. You're in a new chapter in life and you don't know what to do with it yet, sir. Be patient. Right. I can't get out of the downs. The problem. That's not true. Okay. You know, that's not true.

You know that's not true. You're pissed off when you have downs. Sir, my estimation is you don't like the downs, which are normal. As I said, it goes up and down because you're expecting it to stop going down. All right. See, all those tapes you listen to are all this. I'm so sick of hearing those kind of tapes from people.

I'd make a tape going, it's going to be shit some days and really okay in other days and some days, eh, and that'll go on for a while. Then people would have a more realistic sense and stop pushing it forward. If I just do everything on this tape, I'll be okay. Nope. Not one of those tapes has said that. Thank you. Oh, that's right. Throw them away. They're unrealistic.

Right.

The bottom line is, there's no bottom line, but just another comment, I guess, from myself. I find myself a lot of mornings, she took a ton of pictures, Karen did, my wife, and they're all on my iPhone and my iPad. Everything we did, there's pictures, and I just find myself looking at these pictures and just kind of, I know it's going to upset me when I do it, but I do it anyway.

Of course, because that's part of grieving. Grieving is basically a process of letting go. And you miss those times. You miss the history. And you're so freaking impatient. You're driving me up a wall. All right. I want to be able to look at these pictures and not cry. Well, let me tear out your heart and your soul, and you will look at those pictures and not cry.

I just, I don't want to let go of her. I still talk to her. I still talk to her in the morning, talk to her at night. Fine. For now, that's what you're going to do. All right. There's nothing wrong with that. Okay. I'll be more patient. Thank you. Everything you've told me is normal. It's a process, not an event. Right. And please throw those stupid tapes away. Please. You're giving you an unrealistic notion about how you should be all better.

Right. It's not working. No. It sure isn't. No. Well, that's what I needed to hear, doctor. Thank you. The last time I called you, I was in a different place, but still kind of there. So, all right. I'm going to give it time. No, you're not there at all. Look at all the progress you've made since then and how you take care of yourself, what you've invested your time and energies into, how you cleaned out the house. You...

You've moved forward a tremendous amount. Okay. That's true. You're right. Yes, that's true. Next time you get into this negative BS place, call me back again, okay? All right. Thank you. You're very welcome. I'm going to take a break, and I'll be right back. But that gives you time, yeah, to reminisce some good memories. Some good memories. I'll be right back. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive. Deep Dive Podcast. Deeper.

Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast is the process of letting go of something dear to you. That's why it's so painful. Gigi was devastated when we spoke. She was experiencing the very common feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Gigi, welcome to the program. Hello, Dr. Laura. I appreciate being able to speak with you. Thank you. And I apologize in advance if I become emotional.

One does not have to apologize for being emotional on my program. Well, sometimes I can't talk when I do it. In November of last year, I lost my husband. We had been together for 43 years. He had had to have had a lung transplant due to idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis in 2015 and

And for four and a half years, we had more life than when we thought we wouldn't have anything left at all. And then in January of last year, he went into a form of rejection that there is no treatment for and was told he had six months to a year, maybe less. And of course, COVID happened and, um,

He went from being able to walk around and go places on a limited basis with oxygen to having to be on oxygen 24-7 and then slowly progress to he couldn't leave the house and then it was he couldn't leave the bedroom. And then he couldn't basically do much of anything. And I took care of him.

And his brain, his brain never went away. He stayed as sharp as the day I met him. And I believe that for the year that this was going on, I had already started the mourning process, realizing I was going to lose him.

He never wanted to talk about the dying. We did everything that needed to be done as far as being prepared financially and in our, in our home and everything. Um, but because I prodded, but, um, when it finally happened, he passed a day before his 70th birthday at home and our kids were there and two boys. Um, and,

I believed I did real well. I was accepting of it. I knew it was coming. I knew the signs to watch for. And I helped my boys handle it, I think. Of course, they still have their own things they have to get through on their own in their own way.

And unfortunately, as the months have progressed, I have no thoughts of suicide or anything like that. But I do question, what was it all for? Because one day he was here and the next day he was just gone. May I ask you a question? Yes. Take a few breaths because I'm going to ask you a question. I need you to be focused. All right.

All babies should be killed at birth. Right? Because someday they're going to die or be disappointed and lose somebody, and then they'll say, what was it all for? So I guess life is irrelevant, and therefore we should kill all babies. No, of course not. Well, then what was the silly thing you just said? Wait, don't talk over me. It infuriates me, and you can't hear me, and I can't hear you.

You just made the statement, what was it all for? One of the stupidest things anybody who has loved somebody and had a good life with them could ever say. Because it ended, that means it had no meaning ever. That's nuts. And I agree with you because when I say that to myself and I look around at photos and memories and everything, I think that's what it was all for.

That's what it was all for. That's what it was all for. And this is what it's like to lose it. This is what everybody goes through when they lose it. Everybody loses loved ones. Everybody. There's nobody on the planet who hasn't felt or will not feel what you're going through right now. We had already lost a son, so I thought I'd be doing so much better at this.

No. There's no reason practice makes perfect in losing a loved one. Do you have something that when I'm feeling that my life is over as far as the...

being able to share things. And I used to send him pictures when he couldn't leave the house of, look, this is what's happening outside. Or I'd call him and... My dear, my dear, this is going to take time. This is not a quick process. Stop being impatient, please. Your questions will be answered in time. Until then, it's going to feel shitty. You got that right. And I can't cure normal.

But you can cure so many other things. I know. You'd think I would be able to cure normal. It's so annoying to me that I can't. I so wish you were here and could hug me. I miss hugs. Okay. Put your arms out. Put your arms out. Now, I'm pretty small, so you'll be able to get your arms all around me. You ready?

Yes. Okay, come on. Give me a hug. Give me a hug. Tighter. That's a wimpy hug. Tighter. I'll get bruises. Oh, shush. Now breathe slowly and deeply and stay in the hug. Come on. Okay. A little tighter. Two more breaths. One more. Nice. You know, it actually feels wonderful. Good hugging. Thank you.

Thank you. I needed it too. Well, like I said, I appreciate being able to talk to you and your perspective. Anytime. Anytime, sweetheart. Anytime. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. No one wants to hear this, but it can take a few years after your loss to start to feel comfortable and happy in your new life, especially if you've really loved your spouse.

But in time, you will get on with a new chapter in life and be ready for different experiences. That's what ultimately happened to Gigi. And I was so glad she called back with her update. Gigi, welcome to the program.

Well, hello there. So good to talk to you again. I'm calling because I listened to your previous caller, Carol, regarding the loss of her husband. And I had called you probably nine months to a year ago, pretty much in the exact same frame of mind. However, I was...

wondering what it was all for and if it was worth it. And you very bluntly told me, so baby should never be born because it's not worth it. And you made me hug myself and you kicked my mental rear. And I started moving forward. I sold property that was so big, I didn't want to take care of it anymore. I moved closer to my family.

and to where I play tennis. I bought a house that I absolutely love and I've been renovating. My husband would have flipped the gasket if he had been with me. But it's for me now. And I...

I told myself I owe it to him to live the life that he cannot. But at the same time, I owe it to him to live the life that's best for me now. And I still miss him. I still have moments that it's like I wish he would walk through that door. But I know that's not going to happen and that I am responsible for me now and to take care of me. And what we had will never go away.

After 43 years?

It's mine to keep. So I wanted her to know, and you, because you're the one, like I said, who kicked my whatever. Booty. It works. Life goes on. I lost a child many, many years ago, and I thought that was the worst that could ever happen. And it ranks right up there. But you get through it.

And I wanted to thank you and let her know that there's lights down the road. That's sweet of you, Gigi. Very thoughtful of you. I hope Carol's listening and takes it down. So do I. Thank you. When your spouse has died, you're never going to be able to have your old life back. But in time, you will be ready to design a new one like Gigi was doing.

My listener, Drew, was also moving forward in a couple of years after the death of his wife, and he called in with three tips he wanted to share with the audience. Drew, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Hi. I'm a listener from back in the WLS days. I guess we're all coming out of the woodwork today.

But as I told the gentleman who screened my call, my heart kind of went out to Sharon, who called earlier, and I'm hoping she's still listening. Just from the perspective of dealing with being a widow, I myself am a little bit younger, but I lost my wife of over 30 years.

a couple years ago and yeah it is hard to move on but and to I don't know that you really ever move on but just as far as kind of practical tips that I've found helpful

And it kind of consolidated it into three. The first would be make plans with friends and if you have to buy a ticket or make a reservation, that's even better because that keeps you from being the, you know, canceling at the last minute because you don't want to do it. The second one was really

admit that you're going to find some things that you don't like to do, but at least you tried it. Maybe you've never tried camping. You want to try camping and you find out you hate it. Great. That's fine too. You're going to find out what you don't like to do. And then the third thing is just become used to being that party of one. I know it can feel awkward, but I would just encourage her like restaurants, theme parks, movies,

The first time you do it and, you know, get a ticket for one or a table for one, it's going to feel weird. But, you know, once you get past that, you feel a lot better about it. So just I felt like she was looking for some practical tips. I love it, Drew. Beautiful. Thank you. I think you helped a lot of people with your one, two, three. Yeah. Well, I can't remember any more than that. Okay.

I have to just steal everything. And thank you for the joke. That was very nice. I don't know what you found worked, but that worked for me. It's never going to be the same, but you've got to put yourself out there and push yourself a little bit. And are you dating anybody now? No. No, that's – I'm not there yet. No. Okay. And do you have kids? Do you have kids? I do. I do.

Yes. And how old? How many? How old? We've got three and 28, 30, and 33. And how are they doing with mom gone?

It's been hard. I'll be real on it. It's been hard. She was a stay-at-home mom, the biggest stand for their activities. So that's also something that we've spent a lot of time together as well. But that's a good point. And they've been great. We make plans, do things together as well. Good. I was just going to ask you if...

You two, if you four, do things with each other to give each other that support and fun. Yeah, we do. Excellent. We do. Well, thank you, Drew. You helped a lot of people with that. I appreciate it. For a while, you're going to be a curly bug. I sure was. And I'd get a little testy when anybody was trying to straighten me out. Don't you be straightening out, my curly bug. Leave me alone.

So, you see, it takes time. But unfortunately, time by itself won't heal your wounds. You actually have to put in effort to stay active, to lean on friends, to find distractions. Then slowly, but surely, by putting in the effort, you're going to straighten out. It's going to be all right. And if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Make an appointment to talk with me at drlaura.com or give me a call at 1-800-DR-LAURA. Now,

Go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.