Episode 284: Balancing Parent-Child Relationships
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Before we get started today, I want to thank our season-long sponsor, Living Book Press, for their generous support of our podcast, Making the Season Possible.

Anthony at Living Book Press has done a fantastic job reprinting Charlotte Mason's own six-volume home education series that you can get them in paperback in two different styles. This is what I got for my husband when he was doing the men's idol challenge because all of the other versions were pink or had flowers on them. And I was like, I'm going to do this.

And Anthony has some very innocuous or masculine-leaning additions. So you can choose from different styles. There are some that have flowers on them. You can also get them in hardcover in your choice of color even. And recently, he commissioned a professional voice actress to record, and she's British, by the way, record Charlotte Mason's entire series on audio. And those are also available from livingbookpress.com.

Welcome to A Delectable Education, the podcast that spreads the feast of the Charlotte Mason Method. I'm Emily Kaiser and I'm here with Nicole Williams and Liz Gattrill. And today we are talking about finding balance in the Charlotte Mason Method, particularly in our parent-child relationships, which seems like a really broad topic.

topic to talk about. But Charlotte Mason actually had a lot to say about this, and so we hope to discuss some of that with you. Parenting is such an important job, and one that we are often woefully underprepared for or unprepared for entirely. It's also extremely apparent that there are strong opinions surrounding parenting styles in our culture today. Parenting theories don't seem to be immune from trends, and this is nothing new.

We are all a product of our upbringing, and we either adopt the parenting style we grew up without thinking really about it. It's just how things were. We tend to react against that upbringing with how we treat our own children. And this was true in Charlotte Mason's day as well. She begins her third volume, School Education, comparing the parenting styles of the previous generation with that of the one in which she was living.

In typical Charlotte Mason fashion, she points out the benefits and shortcomings of both of those methods. And since most ideas today fall into one of two extremes to some degree, we're going to share Charlotte Mason's thoughts on these and how we can find a middle way. So the first extreme to talk about is what Charlotte Mason called the arbitrary or autocratic rule. It demands unquestioning obedience from children.

She said that there is no underlying principle to the demands other than because I said so. She said it is far easier to govern from a height, as it were, than from the intimacy of close personal contact. But you cannot be quite frank and easy with beings who are obviously of a higher and of another order than yourself. So that downside is that your children will never feel comfortable

comfortable with you they don't have confidence to come to you with problems or whatever and she also added that parents and teachers because their subjects are so docile some of them some of them maybe comparatively um and so feeble also comparatively weak um are tempted more than others to the arbitrary temper so she said this is a particular pitfall for parents and teachers that we need to be aware of

Yeah, it's always a temptation to wield power when we are stronger and bigger and more experienced than someone else. I remember being an assistant in a preschool. It was actually my favorite job of my life and what probably led me to even consider homeschooling my children eventually because I could really enjoy being around small people. But there was one incident I remember that became like a battle of the wills. And when you have...

20 children in a classroom, 23 and four year olds in the classroom, you know that chaos can devolve very quickly once, you know, an authority is over. And it was over some stupid thing I can't even remember. But I just remember thinking, if I give in, like, I've lost them, you know, and I don't think that's a good place to be. And I should have tried a third way. But I was also very young. I was only 20 years old at the time. I remember because I also worked at a preschool early on.

that my biggest fear was, what if they don't do what I tell them to do? What am I going to do? You know, like, I just felt like I had no recourse whatsoever. I will also say that this, this type of thinking is,

sometimes comes into play, at least in my own life. This is my personal experience. When I get personally overwhelmed, when I'm busy or I have like things pulling me in multiple directions and I can't take the time to deal with this well in an intimate way, like you said, and instead it's like, you just have to do it. You know, I did, I can't explain. I'm not going to explain. I just, it just feels like one more pull. And because this,

person pulling is not as powerful maybe as the other poles mm-hmm that's that's how I would deal with it I think that we can fall on this side especially when we're insecure about our position and fearful of our children both of those things often go together too I think not really understanding our role as a parent is

And their needs can lead us to just come down heavy just to settle something. And we do it because we're afraid that we don't

know the negative consequences of or we fear negative consequences or We just aren't sure whether this is the right way and especially if you grew up in a home where parents said do as I do No matter what you're gonna default to that When you're in a pinch

Along with what you were saying, Nicole, I can think of a very recent example in our home. When you're feeling overwhelmed, you know, it's easier to default with that. I was actually being frustrated with how much I was having to default to that in the area of snacks.

I feel like snacks are the Achilles heel of many mothers and it definitely was mine so in a very heavy work time my kids were just constantly and it was also newly summer break constantly asking can I have can I have can I have and so I'm like I don't really have the energy to do this but I need to do this for my own sanity and I sat down and made a chart that they could self govern with it

I made, I broke down categories of nutrients and how much they could have in a day from each category. And I put some effort into having some pre-cut up fruit and vegetables in trays in my fridge, hard boiling a bunch of eggs, getting some more cheese sticks, having some more protein options that they could fix themselves.

And I made the chart. And it's based on principles of what is good nutrition, recognizing the fact that we needed to set time for snack because they could not be asking me all day long if they could have a snack. I love this. This is so educational for them, you know, like learning the nutrients and all that. Right. But like, you know, no, you can't just eat carbs the entire day. That's not, you know, a good balance. And so, yes. And my daughter kept being like, what's an ARB? Yeah.

So I just broke down these categories very generally, you know, and to say, okay, you can have anything on these lists if we have it in the house. If we don't, that's obviously off the table. But here's this. And it has gone far smoother since that. So I realize instead of having to just arbitrarily decide and not keeping track of like, well, what did they have earlier today? They're doing that for themselves. But that helped me get out of that autocratic state.

Yeah. Yeah. And it gives them responsibility and you're training them. I mean, this is such a problem in our culture. So it's great. Charlotte Mason said autocracy is defined as independent or self-derived power. Autocracy has ever a drastic penal code.

Whether in the kingdom, the school, or the family. It has too many commandments. Thou shalt and thou shalt not. The tendency to assume self-derived power is common to us all, even the meekest of us, and calls for special watchfulness. The more so because it shows itself fully as often in remitting duties.

and in granting indulgences as in inflicting punishments. Charlotte Mason, I do encourage you to read these first three chapters of school education to understand this more fully, but the autocratic parent or teacher is autocratic when they

dismiss, you know, or just ignore things that are breaking those principles, right? That they should be following those habits, you know? Right. And I think that's an overlooked aspect to this. Yeah. That when you are lenient and you allow things that like, you know, you know, okay, this is the open-ended snacks thing. Yeah. And then,

you're frustrated because they start running amok and they don't eat their dinner and now they've had a bunch of sugar or whatever, you know, and then you lay down the hammer on the other side. But really it's your doing because you're not keeping that middle way. And I should add, we are, my kids are all early risers. They eat breakfast early. We do school on the early side. So our lunch is early and it's a long time till we have dinner. So they do need a snack. They do need something and it's not, you know, just an indulgence. Yeah.

that they have, but they need to learn how to manage that well. Yeah. Well, the other extreme that we can fall off on the other side is Charlotte Mason says the doctrine of infallible reason. And this is, I think today behind many parenting styles, but it originally comes from John Locke in the 17th century and was adopted heavily by people during Charlotte Mason's generation.

It really leads to weak and indolent parents who believe that the child really has the ultimate authority over their own life and that they're free to do what is right in their own eyes. Charlotte Mason said, Locke promulgated the doctrine of the infallible reason. That doctrine accepted. Individual reason becomes the ultimate authority and every man is free to do that which is right in his own eyes.

Which I think we hear that refrain in Judges. Yes. There is no king in the land and everyone did what is right. And if you want to read horror stories, read Judges. Yes.

And she also clarified that the principle of the infallible reason is directly antagonistic to the idea of authority. And Charlotte Mason believes not autocratic authority, but that there is healthy, good authority. And we'll talk about that in a minute. But have you guys seen any effects of this idea of infallible reason? I think we see it all the time on social media. Everybody thinks that they're wise. I mean,

And they can platform themselves that they have the answer to everything, which is funny because then we are submitting our reason to adopt the reason of somebody else.

And the danger for our children is it really breeds insecurity in them because a two-year-old knows that he doesn't know what's best. I still come up every day. I'm like, I don't know what to do. But yeah. Yeah. And I think of just recently started rereading the volumes. And in the very first chapter, she talks about this.

the parents who were so enslaved to their child that they were ready to go to a formal evening party and the child wanted them to go to bed

At the same time. At the same time as they did. So they literally crawled into bed. They got undressed from all of their evening, finally. And then when the child was asleep, they, you know, snuck out of their own house. Oh, my word. But I know parents that do this kind of things. That is a hilarious extreme example, but in many ways, all day long. Oh.

Yeah, because it is actually harder to...

Train them. It's hard to cross their will essentially, you know, we all have that inborn I know what's right for myself and and that is part of the children's role is they have to learn That I need to lay down sometimes what I want and instead do what I ought to do, right? I was just in the nursery with toddlers the other day and one little boy kept coming up and grabbing this toy from a six-month-old baby in my lap and

And about the, you know, one of the other workers said, oh, he's just so eager to play. And I'm like thinking to myself, it's just inappropriate. We have to train children to be socially appropriate. And so the next time I just gently took his hand and looked at him in the eye and just said, we don't take things from little babies. If you want something, you could ask him, you know, because what's a baby going to do? But still, you know, it's like.

We just have to constantly teach them what is going to be the right way to live because they don't know.

And I think we see the effects of a society that has believed in this individualism really at the heart of this idea. And it is kind of chaos. We break ties or cancel people who don't think like we do. We have a hard time getting along. I remember working at a Montessori school. And my entire job in this particular school was to keep other children from interfering with one another as they chose their work.

And then we got out to the playground and it was chaos and pandemonium because they had no social skills for doing that. They had no, like, learn to tell someone, no, I'm playing with this. Please don't do that. Or would you like to join me? Or can I? You know, they didn't have any of that developed. And it was just everyone for themselves. And society can't function like that. Charlotte Mason's

16th point in her short synopsis shows just how important she thought it was to teach persons the limit of their reason. She says we must teach them not to lean too heavily on their own understanding because reason is not infallible. Reason exists to convince us the truth of an idea that we've already taken in. So

So Herbert Spencer, who Charlotte Mason also talks a lot about, took this doctrine and he applied it to education. So this was, I think, the prevailing idea in education that she was counteracting when she first began teaching about education. He took it so far that he eliminated the study of languages from the curriculum entirely because the rules of grammar violated the autonomy of the student. Right.

So I think that's definitely one extreme. Do school however you want, kiddo. So instead, Charlotte Mason, as always, presents us with a middle way. And she calls it the authority and docility. So the authority of parents and the docility of children. And this is the balance between these two extreme positions. Both of those positions, those extremes, have something true about human nature, right?

But they overemphasize one aspect to be the whole. And so Charlotte Mason is bringing it back together and said instead of autocracy or autocratic rule or complete infallible reason and the child is the full governor of themselves, she has to come to a middle ground. And she writes, but why is parents steer a middle course?

They are careful to form habits upon which the routine of life runs easily. And when the exceptional event requires a new regulation, they may make casual mention of their reasons for having so-and-so done. Or if this is not convenient and the case is a trying one, they give the children the reason for all obedience, for this is right. In a word, authority avoids, so far as may be, giving cause of offense.

And so when you are in authority, you're not wielding your power just because you have the power, right, to crush the young and weak and vulnerable. You are doing it for their good, right? And that's a quote from Ephesians 6 where Paul writes to children to honor their father and mother for this is right. And also that parents should not give their children cause of offense, right? Mm-hmm.

One of the things she talks about in that section is that we have to have confidence in our own authority that is given to us by God. And then this is a part I like the most is that we have to have confidence in our child to obey as well. And so when I think back of myself going, what are they going to do with, like, what am I going to do if they don't obey that, that thinking? I also was very young during those days, but I,

Instead of just assuming they will go along, they will behave, they will do the thing we're asking them to do. And that gives them a level of respect as well. Yes. Just what you were saying. The authority is not self-derived. Charlotte Mason says authority is vested in the office and not in the person. It's not because I, Emily, I'm your mother. You know, it is because I am your mother and God gave you to me as my children and

She goes on to say the moment it is treated as a personal attribute, it's forfeited. We lose our ability to wield authority if we think it's due us personally.

We know that a person in authority is a person authorized and that he who is authorized is under authority. So we have authority over our children because God has given us that authority, but we're under his authority. So we, we have guards on our behavior towards them. We cannot do what is not right towards our children. She further explains that authority is neither harsh nor indulgent. And that goes to what we were talking about with autocratic, that we can fail, um,

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

It is well for the latter to get the habit of swiftly and imperceptibly reviewing the situation. Possibly the children may be in the right and the parent may gather up his wits in time to yield the point graciously and to send the little rebels away in a glow of love and loyalty. I love that quote. Yeah, we think of them as rebels because they're bringing up something contrary to our word. Oh, but.

We made a misstep and we need to reevaluate. And admit it sometimes. And I just want to, we should probably put in the show notes. We have talked about this whole idea of authority and docility on an early episode. We've also gone over the synopsis where she talks about these things. And we also once aired a conference talk I do called The Home Story, which delves deeply into this whole idea. So,

So all those are good to check out if you're willing if you're trying to figure out how do I you know? Find my way. How do I how do I figure out this balance of here? Charlotte Mason said also said that authority is the aspect of love which parents present to their children So it is a way that we can love our children Well parents know it is love because to them it means continual self-denial self-repression self-sacrifice

Children recognize it as love because to them it means quiet rest and gaiety of heart.

Insecurity. And she also talks about how authority has to be open-minded to see two sides to every question. And I think that just shows how unautocratic it is, right? And it is truly based on these principles of right and wrong and what we must do by our children. And both extremes are really selfish on our part. The autocratic just, we don't want to think. We just want them to do this thing. We're not considering them.

But also being too lenient and always considering them is not fair to them either. So we have to think about what our role is and stay in our lane, which is to guard and protect and love them. Mm-hmm.

Well, it's also to think in terms of the big picture in the long term. You know, we're going from a little child that, you know, maybe is, you know, a year and we're telling them things like, no, don't touch the stove because it's hot. It's going to burn you. It's just end of story thing. At the end of this time of them living in our home, we need to be thinking in terms of them

knowing how to obey themselves under God. We're not in the middle anymore. And making those decisions as adults on into their life. And so if we...

hold that position of that, that middleman, you know, between this is what you're going to do. We're, we're, we're not letting them close that gap between them obeying God, because this is what he says to do and obeying themselves in. And that's the hard thing that we're not seeing in society right now is here is a right and a wrong, and I'm going to do the right. And I'm going to make myself do that. Yeah.

If it crosses what they would actually want to do. There's no self-governing. Right. So we've got to allow them time to work that and process.

practice that. And that means we have to practice pulling back and letting them do that as, as they, as we work through this life. And one of the things that you've pointed out in a recent episode is that this time we have to do this process is short and we think it ends, oh, when they're 18 or something. No, it ends way before that. And so we've got to be thinking about

moving in that direction earlier than we anticipated. And I heard someone talk about parenting as the front nine and the back nine in the first nine years, you are much more

directing and and overseeing over yeah and then then back at nine is much more a walking alongside as a counselor and friend and guide because they have to be learning to take that on i think about the two extremes and the child that is the product of both of those right the child who has never had to make a decision on their own because they're always dictated by their parent is stunted

Right. They have no ability to do that and they just do it because they're told. And then they have to go out into the world and that can go in one of two directions. They can be a rule follower all the way to their detriment at risk or they can completely rebel when they get a taste of freedom and that autocracy is is removed from them. And then on the other extreme, we have a child who is a narcissist.

right? Who's never had to do anything they don't want to do. And they are the paragon of all wisdom and decisions for their life. And that's not healthy either. And they end up running over everybody in their way. Well, Charlotte Mason had some very helpful and practical ways that we can guard this parent-child relationship balance of being the authority and docility of, you know, parent and child. And that is what she calls masterly inactivity.

And it's very important that we in positions of authority do not trample, which hinder, despise or offend our children. All of those would be abuses of our authority, right? That we need to get their will on our side, that it might take some explanation and sitting down for your children to...

well, why can't I just eat carbs all day long? You know? Well, your body needs all kinds of nutrients and we have to have, you know, age appropriate discussions with them to help them see the principle because then they buy in and know that that's what they should do. We also need to give them time to choose to obey. So,

So the instant obedience is more in the realm of autocratic parenting, right? Autocratic rule that just demands that instant obedience. We need the children to have some time to struggle with not doing what they want, but to do what is right. And sometimes that takes some time. Of course, take this as a grain of salt. We're not talking about the child who is about to run into the road and get hit by a car.

a car you know matters of safety there are moments to intervene and not allow that but in other things we definitely need to give them that time

Charlotte Mason said, the constraining power should be present but passive. So our ability to stop them from doing something. They should always feel that there is that behind us. But we are passive so the child may not feel himself hemmed in without a choice. The child who is good because he must be so loses in power of initiative more than he gains in seemly behavior.

Every time a child feels that he chooses to obey of his own accord, his power of initiative is strengthened. And I think of my most embarrassing parenting moments are like when your kid does something, you know, and you're just so embarrassed. It's more of I'm embarrassed because it's a reflection on me, probably more than I think myself.

It's our pride. It really is embarrassing. Yes. It's like, oh, well, she didn't raise her kid right or whatever. But they need to have the freedom to do those things and to feel the consequences of it and to choose to do the right the next time around than just the seemingly good child who does everything their parent wants but is not training that muscle of decision. Right. I sometimes use my middle child as an example with regard to this quote because I

She just was a go along child pleaser. Yeah, one of those two. And the problem was that as she got into her teen years, I realized she wasn't doing the work that she needed to do. It's the other kids were doing because they were pushing back and I was having to, you know, navigate this with them.

And so there was times where I was having to ask her, what do you think you should do in this situation? What do you think the right thing? I was having to like prompt her to do what I think is more of a normal kid thing because I knew on the other side,

She was going to be at risk. If you're a rule follower, that may sound nice, but that also puts you under somebody all for the rest of time. You don't develop the strength. And also some buddies might want you to do something that is harmful to you. Right. Exactly. Right. Yeah. And I, we're at the stage of life, my husband and I, where we have no children in the home.

haha, that we're raising. But on a weekly basis, we have many children in and out of our home, all different kinds and different ages. My husband's an elder at our church. So we do a lot of entertaining and things, hospitality. And I have 15 grandchildren that I see a lot. And I, I can tell by the way the children behave, what kind of freedoms they have in their lives. And

You know, I think of one particular mom who is very careful that her children always do what is right. So it's what you're saying, Nicole, like literally is constantly instructing them. Don't move that. Don't touch that. Literally doesn't allow them to mess up. And so.

Oh my goodness, when they're at my home and there are no parents there, they are the most difficult children to work with because they have no restraints unless that voice of the mother isn't there constantly harping and telling, do this, don't do that. Why are you doing that? That's another point.

point that charlotte makes in her section on masterly and activity is we ought not do what they can do for themselves so that's an example right there of being that restraining power for them that they need to be learning to do themselves and we can teach them that by giving them sound principles it does take time guys none of this is a magic bullet though it is it is a long long slow obedience in the same direction it is that phrase

Masterly inactivity actually also means that we need to have an understanding sympathy with our children. We need to put ourselves in their place. Charlotte Mason said, So we need to...

get inside them and not just see the behavior, but see what's the cause. What is behind this action or this perspective? And to help guide, I think of one of my children,

I say it often. There's a meme that goes around the Internet of I hope my child uses their powers to become a CEO of a company rather than the leader of a prison gang. And I feel like that perfectly sums up this particular child. And sometimes it's really hard for me to see how to direct this energy into.

in a positive way instead of just correcting it, but knowing this is part of her God-given personality and it can be used for good. And I have a couple of people in my life who've pointed out certain things. I'm like, oh, that is a strength that I absolutely don't have. But it's hard for me to get in that because I don't think the way this child does. But I need to put myself into that and also see how can we channel these things to positive ends instead of letting it be overly developed and that would lead to a negative effect.

Iteration of it and I wanted to say we can't let our sympathy get in the way too much either Yes sympathize with your child understand that this math is stressing this child It is so difficult. The tears are coming. So we have to sit with them in sympathy and Agreeing with them. This is hard But that doesn't mean we take away the hard for them, you know for a child who's weak and

You don't want to throw everything at them, but they have to learn to overcome the difficult. It's what Jonathan Haidt talks about, the anti-fragile in the anxious generation. That children are kind of like plants in this. You know, when you plant plants indoors, seedlings...

you can't just put them out in the garden. You have to harden them off. And my father-in-law would talk about this experiment with raising tomato plants and actually like you need to move your hand or arm across them to kind of simulate wind when they're still in the greenhouse because it is that resistance and that struggle against the wind that helps them develop strong stems. If you put them out without building up

that strength and children are the same. They, they need to have difficulties that they confront and overcome to be resilient. Right. We think we're accommodating them and being sympathetic by removing, you know, Oh, this book is too difficult. So I will change to an easier book. No, maybe they just need to persevere a little bit. And that doesn't mean full bore.

just a little more each time, you know? And lo and behold, I've had moms tell me that their child could not do a certain book for a whole term. And all of a sudden they could narrate it. And they said, this book used to be hard and now I love it, you know? Or it becomes their favorite book to do. Yeah. I think of this is the difference between

between child-led learning and Charlotte Mason's wide feast. She is presenting a wide feast and expecting the children to take what is appropriate for them versus following, oh, my child's interested in this and I'm going to curate my entire curriculum around that. She said that wise passiveness, which is another word for masterly inactivity,

Wise passiveness indicates the power to act, the desire to act, and the insight and self-restraint which forbid action. The mastery is not over ourselves only. There is also a sense of authority which our children should be as much aware of when it is inactive as when they are doing our bidding.

They are free under authority, which is liberty. To be free without authority is license. So it's like a governor. It's like a speed limit. On the freeway, you start to feel really nervous when one car is going 25 miles faster than everybody else. Or under. Or under.

Well, true, true. So there are limits to our, and that's what good laws do, right? Is they limit certain activity because it's for our good, right? Yeah. There's some places that she gives us that we can practice this. And I remember the first one that I read,

remember picking up on this topic was with nature study and not even really nature study, just outdoor time where the mom sits on a blanket and reads her book with the baby while the other kids are playing. And she might even send them off to look at something in particular, or they climb a tree and,

And she is aware and she's there. She can direct them, but she doesn't. She holds back. It's everything that you're saying there. But what we've got to remember, we've got to take that whole scene and do it in other places. You know, having our kids help with cooking or doing a chore that...

We know they're probably not going to do it our way or the way we want it best done, but they've got to practice on it. And we're going to go about our chore in that same mess. And it carries on even into their teen years where we're, that's the time when they say something to you and you have to bite your tongue and just

Help them to talk it through and not just tell them this is the answer. This is what you should do or this is who you should be with or see. Let them go knowing that this is not the right choice and they're going to have a problem. But letting them have that problem. Right. So there's my point is that.

we can practice this when it's easier. Yeah. And then it can be easier when they're four. Right. And then we learn those habits ourselves. Um, and it makes it easier to parent in that style rather than just waiting for that pivotal moment. Like, Oh,

You know, I get such a good point. I've been asked specifically, you know, what do I do with my toddlers when my other kids are doing school? And I like draw a blank, but I think it's because while I had only toddlers, we practice masterly activity. My kids got used to play. I was, I was in the room or nearby with an ear on what was going on. You know, if I heard loud noises, I stopped. Are we happy play? Not, you know, um,

intervening only when necessary. And that is what they continued to do during school. Was it always pretty and seamless? And I didn't get, no, but for the most part, that habit had been developed thus far. But it does, it takes time. It takes years. We're not there all in all. Yeah. I was thinking about this also, this idea, this balance about

religious life and how freedom in Christ means that we're no longer slaves to sin which is like our autocratic ruler right nor our own selfish desires which is our doctrine of infallible reason but we are free to obey our true authority who loves us and wants what's good for us and as you mentioned earlier Charlotte Mason talks about our time to abdicate our authority she says

Though the emancipation of children is gradual, they acquiring day by day more of the art and science of self-government, yet there comes a day when the parents' right to rule is over. There is nothing left for them but to abdicate gracefully and leave their grown-up sons and daughters free agents, even though in the eyes of their parents they are not fit to be trusted with the ordering of themselves. Fit or unfit, they must hold the rudder for themselves. Mm-hmm.

And that day is coming, guys. It's coming faster than anything. So the time to... With UFA, between 19 and almost 25-year-olds, all of my people are right there. And I'm just watching with my mouth closed and going, I did what I could. And you're still there if they want to come to you for counsel. And I think that's what also authority develops is that.

easy relationship that she talks about. The kids should know they can come to you with whatever. Um, but we don't develop that when we fall into one of the other sides. Yeah. Yeah. And I'll sometimes say to them, I have something to tell. I have something to say. Um,

I'm only going to say it once, you know, and I'll, and I'll leave it. Take it or leave it kiddo. Yeah. I don't just, you know, like ignore if I see something bad going on, but yeah, I mean, I just, I hope that this is very encouraging to younger moms and the habits we need to put in place and the way we think about these things. I think too often we just get on a trajectory of habits of our own, of how we deal with our kids and how they push back and, um,

we had a kind of a funny thing in my house growing up is my mom always said no. First thing was always no. And then you would have to reason with her and reason with her. And she would then maybe change her mind.

My sister learned the habit of just wearing her down, even if the answer was supposed to be no internally, you know, eternally. And so I created the habit in my home that I always said, I'll think about it. And then they had their time to say it. But once I made a decision, it was final. But still, it's just like you said from the beginning. Sometimes we just do different because of what we did and really what we need to do.

is think about this stuff. Yeah. And start thinking about where we need to improve and change that in our own place. Right. And don't just be a responder like, my parents were harsh, so I'm going to appease my children at every point. You know, that isn't healthy either. You need to understand how you were raised and what your tendency is going to be, but you need to do what is right. Yes. Not just react to...

And go the other way. Yeah. Because the other way might be the pit on the other side. Exactly. Exactly. So hopefully this will be really encouraging to people to evaluate what it looks like in their home. So as you think about these things, we really do commend to you reading the first three chapters of volume three. I will put those page numbers and probably link to it in the show notes, as well as those other resources that Liz mentioned that we've already covered on the podcast or have teacher training videos on.

So thanks for joining us today. Do you need help planning your homeschool year? Lessons for handwriting, reading, Swedish drill, and folk dancing? Are you looking for ways to save time with forecasting your lessons? Would you prefer to have ready-made map questions for your geography readers? We at A Delectable Education have you covered. Visit www.adelectableeducation.com and click on Teacher Helps under the Teacher Tools tab.

Thank you for joining us today on the podcast. We hope our discussion serves to equip and encourage you as we seek to explain the Charlotte Mason Method.

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