Is The Bride-to-Be Too Young to See Red Flags?
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and Megan. Mom and Megan, welcome to the program. How old are you, Megan? I'm 22. We usually don't have adults meeting their mothers on the call. Is this because both of you are involved in something together? Yes. Okay. Hi, Mom. Melissa. Hi. All right. Well, I called and then he wanted me to get Megan on the phone, so that's... Ah, okay.

Yes. Yes, ma'am. Fabulous. What can I help with? So I kind of have a little issue with my fiance's mother-in-law right now. She's a very nice lady. We're just having an issue with the wedding parts area. How old are you and how old is your fiancee?

I'm 22 and then he is 22 also. And you really think you're both mature enough to get married for the next 80 years? Well, we've been together for three years. It doesn't count. It doesn't count. You're little kids. Come on. All right. Okay, then. First thing you need to know is getting married in your age range really hikes up the chances of a divorce because the two of you really don't know who you are yet.

But here we are, and we're planning a wedding. Mommy's going to pay for it. And what's the problem with your fiance's mom? So we have, so on our, on my side of the family, we're going to have around like 50 people. And then on their side, they're wanting around 150 people. That's fine. Hold on. Hold on. Okay, Melissa, you talk to her.

your daughter's fiance's family and say, you can afford the hundred, the extra 50 they'll have to pay for. That's your responsibility, not Megan's. Okay. What they've told me so far is that they consider this a traditional wedding and they only want to pay for the rehearsal dinner.

However, then tell them, sorry, you're you're budgeted at 50 for you, 50 for them. That's it. That's all you got. That's all you say. That's it. Throw your hands up. I don't know about this nice person. She sounds like a bitchy, grappy person to do that to your mother, Megan. Don't tell me she's a nice woman.

Yeah, I really, yeah, I like, I want to kind of like a smaller-ish wedding, but I just, it's been kind of tough because I don't know how to like approach, you know, responding and saying, hey. If you don't know how to approach and don't have the courage to do that, you shouldn't be getting married. Ask your mother. One of the things about being a married woman is you have to handle things because there's no daddy and mommy to take care of it for you anymore. Yeah. Now, what does your boyfriend say?

I mentioned it to him just a couple times. And he also said the same thing, how they said it would be a traditional wedding. And he said he only wants around 125 people. Melissa, you can laugh with me. Your daughter's 22. She has no clue. Come on. Her boyfriend standing with his parents against his woman. Come on.

And it's just not about, you know, I have to order more flowers and more food. Melissa, Melissa, you're not going to do any damn thing. They don't understand. You're not going to do any extra anything, ma'am. No. I guess your daughter learned from you not to take a stand. No, we have to take a stand. We have to. That's ridiculous. I just assume you postponed the wedding until you realized.

This may be a situation that in the future, when mother-in-law decides how traditional something should be, like with your babies, with your friends, with your home, where you live, there may be no end to her controlling and your husband saying, okay. If they don't stand up for you now, they never will. Yeah, I know we need to put our foot down. It's not we. He sided with his mother. It's not we, dear.

Mama's boys are not good guys to marry because you're not the first woman in his life. His mom is.

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He should have told his mom, they're counting on just 100 total. That's all they have the money for. That's what we're going to do. Instead, he came back and said, oh, well, they want something traditional. Who gives a shit what they want? This is your wedding. You're right. Yeah. I'm worried about this. You see, one of the reasons people getting married in your age range are more prone to divorce than people who get married closer to 28, 30.

So they have a greater sense of self, know what they want, what they don't want, and they're able to communicate it. You're making a terrible mistake getting married at 22. I'm all for you keeping the ring and seeing how this goes for the next six years. You get a job. You travel. You do things. You learn about world and yourself. You learn about what you really want. You have no idea what you really want. You're only 22, 19, 20, 21, 22, 24.

Three and a half years ago, you were a teenager. Mom, tell her the difference in your maturity from 18 to 35. Tell her in what ways you matured. Please. She needs to hear this. I mean, you just, you look at life different. You make better decisions. Why do you look at life different? Why do you make better decisions? Well, I mean, when you're young, you're just...

i hate to say dumb and stupid but i mean i don't mean it that way but you just you think oh i could just conquer the world and everything's going to be fine and you know and it's just it's not like that at all mom why have you supported her getting married at 22 why are we why have you supported it i wouldn't well i mean i guess well

It's just because they both got their education. They just got their degrees and they got a good head on their shoulders. So what? They don't have a good head on their shoulders. They're 22. You just said you mature. You look at things more deeply, et cetera. Come on. They're both nice kids. Yes. But you know that she's you know, your daughter's walking into a swamp.

Well, true. That's true. Because if he can't, I feel like if he can't stand up to his mom now, he never will. That's correct. That is correct. And I've got to tell you a couple of things, Megan. And I'm not just trying to be a poop, okay? I can't tell you the thousands of women who have called me and I go, you have three kids and now you're getting a divorce? What the hell? Well, I got married very young. Well, why was that a problem? Because I was young and stupid.

A hundred percent of them say the same thing. Dumb and stupid. Then I ask, well, when you were dating him, did you not know that he tended to gear toward his mother and the mother's family? Oh yeah, but I thought it would change. Thousands, thousands. Please don't think there's something special about you.

You're right. How about this? Yeah. I will pay for a tubal ligation. Listen, I will pay for you to get a tubal ligation so you can't make babies. And you can marry him. Don't make babies for 10 years. See if you really want to make babies with him. I'll pay for the tubal. It's an outpatient procedure. They just clip it. That's how serious I am. And the reason I'm saying that is because it really does irritate me.

that young women will go jump forward like this, make kids, and then end up divorced and damage children. If you screw up your own life, I'm not going to lose sleep over it, Megan. Not a moment. But if you screw up kids because you were stubborn and short-sighted and young, that's terrible. So get a tubal. Have it reversed in 10 years. You can just put a clip on it. See if you made the right decision. In 10 years, you'll know. Actually, in five.

So you can think about it and call me back if you want the tubal. I'm just worried about the kids you might mess up. Your mother's worried about you. Yeah. If she's that in and he's that into this is our culture, you're going to have to cater to that on all holidays, all children's things, their family stuff. You're going to be sucked into that as opposed to you and your husband making a life together.

The warning signs are here. Please don't ignore it. Call me in 15 years because I'll be here and tell me I was young and dumb. I should have listened. Please. Just postpone this. Postpone this six years. Keep the ring. Is it a nice ring? Is it a nice ring?

Yes. Nope. Okay. Keep the ring and tell them you want to wait and see how the next five years go. Then make up your mind. I will trust you in five years more than I trust you now. Anyway, just a thought, but don't forget.

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