176 : The Power of Mindset & Emotional Freedom with Carrie Bradley
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Welcome to the Mindful Fire Podcast, a show about crafting a life you love and making work optional using the tools of mindfulness, envisioning, and financial independence. I'm your host, Adam Kwayo, and I'm so glad you're here. Each episode of the Mindful Fire Podcast explores these three tools through teachings, guided meditations, and inspiring interviews with people actually living them to craft a life they love.

At its core, Mindful Fire is about creating more awareness and choice in your life. Mindfulness helps you develop self-awareness to know yourself better and what's most important to you by practicing a kind, curious awareness. Envisioning is all about choosing to think big about your life and putting the power of your predicting brain to work to create the life you dream of.

And financial independence brings awareness and choice to your financial life, empowering you to make your vision a reality by getting your money sorted out and ultimately making work optional. And here's the best part. You don't have to wait until you reach financial independence to live out your vision. Mindful Fire is about using these tools to craft that life now on the path to financial independence and beyond.

If you're ready to start your Mindful Fire journey, go to mindfulfire.org and download my free envisioning guide. In just 10 minutes, this guide will help you craft a clear and inspiring vision for your life. Again, you can download it for free at mindfulfire.org. Let's jump into today's episode. ♪

Carrie, welcome to the Mindful Fire podcast. I'm so thrilled to have you here. Me too, Adam. It is such a pleasure. I've been looking forward to this conversation for a really long time, so really happy to be here today. Yeah, it's a pleasure to have you. And for the audience, I always like to share how I met our guests. And Carrie and I actually met

Somewhat randomly at the economy conference, I was hosting a dinner that I like to call the legends dinner where basically I invited a bunch of people that I met either through the fire movement or through the conference itself, invited them all to a dinner and we.

Got together, had great food, had some beers, had some good times. And Carrie was at that dinner. And I think Deb brought you to the dinner, right, Carrie? Yes. Deb was, she was the person that connected me and then got to know you at that dinner.

Fantastic event. So that was that was super fun. I always loved that. And that dinner was a blast and really opened so many doors for me. And it was turned into a bit of a who's who of the fire movement. We had Brad from Choose Fi. We had Ty Kim from the Financial Tortoise on YouTube. We had Mr. Fifteen Hundred, Jordan Grumet, who was just on the podcast a couple of weeks ago. Doc G, just an awesome group.

awesome time and Deb's awesome. And she really invited most of the people actually, cause she already kind of was plugged in. That was my first ever fire event. So I was grateful to her.

And funny enough, her husband, Chris, is in this group called Front Row Dads, all about essentially being the best father and husband you can be. And I recently joined that group. So I went to my first event in New York. It was just a little meetup at a Whole Foods, basically, and was great. Really looking at investing in being a better father, better husband, really showing up the way I'd like to show up, certainly in the moments of stress.

Yeah. Wow. That is great. I've talked to him on and off about that. It's something I know he's really passionate about. I think it's so fantastic that you guys as fathers are making that a priority and taking that role so seriously. So I think it's great that you're a part of that now.

Yeah, it's been just a couple of weeks, but I mean, meeting up with that group and having that space to just talk openly, I really crave community and connection. And this parenting journey, you know, I have my wife, but we're both in it. Right. And it's sometimes very helpful to have a person who's not in it with you to just kind of share and learn from. And it just kept coming up again and again, like three people talking.

that I met through, you know, these online business, whatever's were in it. And yeah, Chris was on the podcast and Deb, and then another guy, Matt Drinkon, who has a podcast called the eternal optimist. He's in it as well. And so he brought me in been great so far. That aside, I'd love to have you start by sharing a little bit with the audience about who you are, your journey and what you're up to in the world.

Yeah. So my name is Keri Bradley, formerly Keri Doan. I am what I call a mindset and strategy life coach and consultant. And I've been doing this now for, gosh, about six years. You know, a lot of my work right now is centered on this idea of freedom.

More recently, over the past year, I've been focusing on helping people with financial freedom. That's something that I've been able to attain. Actually, just about a year ago, I hit my FI number. And so I've been spending a lot of time educating people and helping them specifically, too, with their mindset about money and their relationship with money so that they can heal that and create a little bit of a strategy to

whether it's increasing your income or knocking down debt or expanding your investments. So we do that as well, but it's helping mostly women especially because they tend to be a little more disempowered when it comes to finances. So-

So yeah, I spend quite a bit of time supporting women in that arena. You know, I'm happy to share more about my journey to FI if you're interested, but it has definitely been a wild adventure. And I just absolutely love sharing openly about what my experience has been so that other people can experience their level of freedom, whether that's financial or emotional or whatever category it's in. Yeah, so much great stuff there. I mean, freedom is why we're all

in this game of fire. We're all pursuing, well, I'd say most of us are pursuing fire because we want to create more freedom in our life. And I love that you look at kind of multiple realms of freedom. Certainly there's financial freedom, there's time freedom, you mentioned emotional freedom, and there's so much to explore there. But I would love to have you share a little bit more about

how you were able to build financial freedom in your life. And congratulations on hitting your FI number last year. I also recently hit my FI number and left my full-time work to pursue entrepreneurship in my own time, in my own way. But yeah, congratulations. I'd love to hear a little bit more on how you made that happen in your life.

Yeah. Well, congrats to you too, Adam. That's incredible. It's yeah, it really is such a milestone, I think, to be able to get to that point where work is optional. Right. And it frees up so much time for whatever you want. And so, yeah, that's that is largely how I see freedom. It's the ability to have choice. Right.

And to have agency, which we I think we all have all the time, but sometimes we don't realize it or we don't know how to create it. I'm just commending you for getting to that place of that next level of freedom. Yeah. So for me.

It's, I love telling this story because I, you know, I've always been in the finance world in some way, shape or form. My dad, he actually introduced the idea of investing to me when I was about 17, got me going with a Roth IRA. And then I think, you know, from there was a lot of self-education. I worked in the mortgage industry in my early 20s. So I learned a lot about real estate and the home buying process and, you know,

credit scores and all of that. So I've always been like fairly responsible with money. And so then that leads into my mid 20s is when I got married. And so that turned into I was married for 14 years. And in that time period, we had a lot of adventures actually, like right off the bat.

It was a couple months after we got married, we decided to sell everything that we had, which included our home, our cars, furniture, and we moved to Vancouver, British Columbia for a year to work with the homeless and to just have this kind of year of transformation and learning and having our perspective really widened. And it was very meaningful, but also quite difficult given it was our first year of marriage. And so...

Yeah, but it was... I don't regret any of that. And so when we came back, we...

We decided to start a family. And so that's when we started kind of putting roots down a little more here in Cincinnati. A couple of years after we started having kids, we decided to launch a local business here, a coffee roasting business in Cincinnati. And so that was the next decade of my life was supporting my ex and his endeavors. And now it's turned into a really thriving business.

I guess I could call it an enterprise. They have a huge roasting facility and I think now four shops, coffee shops locally. So that is where I got a lot of my business experience was being involved in that venture. And so fast forward, this was around 2020, which was the catalyzing year for so many people, is when my ex and I decided to part ways and

And so this was the time period where I experienced what I would say is the most insecurity around my finances, because I had previously spent most of my time as a stay at home mom and I was supporting the business, but I wasn't like directly involved in the day to day. And so, you know, we decided that, you know, things weren't aligned for us anymore. And so now I'm going out on my own.

And I remember at the time just being like, I had just launched my coaching business. So it was very new and things weren't very predictable in terms of my income. And I was just so scared. Like, what am I going to do? How am I going to make it on my own as a single mom now? And so this was the time period where I really started diving into mindset and

So I hired myself a coach in this time period because I wanted to feel more freedom, especially around my finances and in my business. And so in this time period, I worked on my mindset. And I remember, you know, every time I would feel anxiety or insecurity about my situation and not knowing how are things going to turn out? Where is my next paycheck going to come from?

Every time I felt that anxiety, I chose to not fixate on those thoughts and to shift instead to trusting, to like believing like, no, things are going to work out. What is working right now? And that conscious choice, doing that over and over, it allowed me to

I like to use the word manifest, but you could use create the outcomes that I wanted that I thought were impossible. So one example would be, I think it was last year, you know, I wanted to hit a six-figure income. It was just a goal of mine. And I did. I did very unexpectedly. And it just blew me away. Like, how was this possible when four years ago I was...

like not knowing where that next paycheck was going to come from. And so I was then able to have a rental property about a block from me and

I was able to pay off that property with the funds that I was now receiving. That happened. And then four months later, I paid off my primary residence. And at that point, that's when I hit five. It was where the cash flow from my rentals was now able to cover all of my expenses because my debt was completely to zero. And all of this happened in like the span of a year.

And so this is where I really, when I look back and I reflect on what was the thing that changed it, I know 100% it was the mindset piece. I had all the strategy in the world. I knew how to position money here and there, but it was the mindset and really like working at that and my perspective that then shifted the outcomes and

Now, here we are. And so now I love teaching people how to really focus their attention in ways that are going to connect to whatever it is, you know, what if it's financial freedom or that emotional freedom we talked about so that they can have a higher quality of life and enjoy it.

So those are kind of the highlights of my journey. But it's been a ride. Been a ride, Adam. Yeah, I mean, that's certainly quite the ride. And I think one thing that stands out from what you're saying is just the idea of how important mindset is and the story that you're telling yourself, what you're placing your attention on.

In my work, in my coaching, I talk a lot about this phenomenon as the story creates your reality. Because where you put your attention, I call it planting seeds. You're planting seeds of that in your mind and you're priming your mind to look for more of that. And so your story ultimately creates your reality. And I love that practice you shared of just planting.

noticing when you're caught up in anxiety and fear and just recognizing it as such, you know, I would say with mindfulness, a kind of curious awareness, and then choosing to redirect your attention somewhere more helpful. Yeah. Yes, absolutely. The story that I sort of rewrote that I talk about is I went from this feeling or this narrative that there's not enough.

You know, which usually is coming from a place of I'm not enough for most people. So that's sort of this perception of lack of, you know, scarcity is another word that fear based. Oh, my gosh, where's it going to come from? How's this going to work to the story of more than enough?

I believe that's abundance, right? If I can stop and see what I do have and feel that gratitude, it changes where your attention goes. And when you shift that, your outcomes start to reflect all of what's happening internally. So I love talking about wealth is really an inside job, if you think about it. And it's not just money. It's how you experience your life.

And, you know, there are millionaires out there who still have a scarce mindset. So it doesn't matter what that number is. It really is. How am I experiencing? How am I seeing my reality? Like you said, because you do have the power to create it, which I think is so liberating to know that you don't have to be stuck in fear. Right.

I agree. And don't forget the billionaires. There are plenty of billionaires. And I'd say within five years, we'll have trillionaires that will still never feel like they have enough. We can start now with the thousands and hundreds of thousands and potentially millions that we have to recognize that

Enough is really the key, the key to creating more freedom, because if you're caught in scarcity, you're just running, running, running, grasping, grasping, grasping and never actually getting anywhere.

Any closer because, you know, it's like the book, The Gap in the Game. Have you read that? No. Oh, it's fantastic. Yeah. It's essentially the idea that if you're stuck in the gap, as they call it, you're comparing yourself to an ideal of where you think you should be.

And that's like trying to chase the horizon, right? It continually moves away from you. But if you instead measure your progress backwards in what they call the gain, appreciating the progress that you're making,

it changes everything, right? Because it puts you in that appreciation and that gratitude. And that's something that I've really been trying to cultivate as I kind of embark on this new chapter of my life where I'm building this business and my mind wants to tell me, you're not there. You're not where you should be. You should be further along. You should be doing more. And it's like, no, this is the whole point. I'm created this freedom so I could do this in my own time, in my own way.

But my brain is so used to

37 years of that mode, 14 years working at Google, where that is the dominant personality. It's like, go do more, never enough. And so I'm trying to unlearn that and kind of ease back into this game mindset. Yeah, I love that. Because what I hear you saying is, you know, sort of dialing it back to the present moment and being here now instead of thinking this future thing

goal is going to fulfill you or make you happy in it of course like it's growth there'll probably be some reward in that for you but if you're so fixated on getting to that thing or that number you're missing out on what's happening here and enjoying the whole process of it and

It's something you said too around comparison, or I would even say a lot of people tend to strive out of a place of proving something. Like I want to prove that I'm worth it or I can do this. And there's nothing wrong with that. But like you said, it creates this tendency to chase and it doesn't really feel good, I don't think, to operate in that way.

And so, or conversely too, when you're comparing, it's like, it's never going to be enough because that's a judgment, right? And you're immediately stacking yourself up against someone else versus saying where I'm at is exactly where I need to be. And that alleviates that idea that, oh, I'm behind or I should be further along. Like that's a really common narrative that most of us struggle with.

But instead, if you can, like you said, appreciate where I'm at and acknowledge like this is in my own time, I'm working it out, then you can be more content in the moment by moment process of creating the life that you want.

So, yeah, I think these are all traps we all get into from time to time. I think it's so important to become aware of what's actually happening inside so you can shift that and feel that contentment and satisfaction in the now. And one thing you said there is just the feeling. It doesn't feel good to be chasing. It doesn't feel good to chase.

beat yourself up for not being where you think you quote unquote should be, right? It just doesn't feel good. So I think that kind of coming back to this idea of emotional freedom, self-awareness of knowing what you're feeling, I think is such a great barometer to come back to. It's like, do I feel good doing this or do I not feel good? I read this book a while back and had a woman on the podcast named Sarah McCrum. She wrote a book called Love Money, Money Loves You.

Bit of a wild book. It's essentially she says that she channeled the book like the book came from money and it was explaining itself through her. You know, not generally the way I think about things, but one of the best conversations I've had on the podcast, she says to use cash.

She slash money says to use enjoyment as a barometer. You know, it's like, how much do I enjoy this? Right. Like that is the metric enjoyment. And so that comes to this feeling. And I'd love to hear you talk about self-awareness, emotions and this idea of emotional freedom. Yeah. Oh, I love that because one of my mantras that I say over and over is follow what feels good.

Or if you, I don't know, maybe you're familiar with Joseph Campbell. He is, what would we call him? A philosopher, mythologist. He says, follow your bliss.

similar idea, which is, yeah, if it doesn't feel good, don't do it. And this kind of gets into the idea that I talk about a lot around desire. So that to me is like, what do you want? What feels good? What's drawing you toward, you know, the person or the situation versus obligation? Like, oh, I should do this.

So I'm going to. It's this idea, I think, especially in our culture around duty, like it's our duty to do this. And again, not to judge that or make it wrong, but wouldn't you rather explore something based out of like, oh, it's feeling good in my body. And so this is where I love talking about emotional freedom, where a lot of people, I think up until more recently, we haven't had...

Full scope of awareness around our emotions and what do they mean and what are they telling us? I think Brene Brown has done an incredible job expanding our vocabulary around our emotions. And I think one of the things she says is,

Until you name it, you have to be able to voice what it is in order to understand it. So think about people who spend most of their lives reacting to situations versus responding. And it's usually because they don't understand what am I feeling? What is this emotion and what do I do with it?

So first of all, you have to be able to put some language around it. And there's so much nuance around emotions that even I'm still...

exploring, which, you know, it's going beyond just mad, sad. What are the most common ones? Mad, sad, tired, happy, yeah, into elated or disgusted or, you know, like getting really like more insight around what are the nuances of what I'm feeling and then to connect that emotion. What is it trying to tell me?

Usually it's based from a thought that we're having. So then you can like start to explore in your mind, like, what is the story that I'm telling myself? So like, let's take the example of money. You know, a lot of people, I think if you're in that fear-based place, you've inherited a story from your upbringing around maybe there's

there's not enough, you know, there's not, we can't afford that. Money doesn't grow on trees. Rich people are greedy. All these stories. I think so many of us have heard. And if that's your environment, you're going to carry that with you. And so when you can really stop then and examine if there's an emotion around money, like anxiety, right?

Well, then what's the story happening in my mind? Oh, my parents told me, you know, it's greedy to want more or it's selfish. Maybe that's the story. And then from there, you can really start to shift that and entertain the idea. Maybe something else is true. You know, is it possible that like actually rich people want

can be really kind and compassionate and they can make an impact or you know what I'm saying? So I think all of that boils down to starting with what do I feel in my body? And I think that work is so worth it. It's so worth it because once you have that awareness and that understanding, then you're in control. You're the one noticing like, oh, if I don't feel good, how would I like to feel instead? What can I do to promote that feeling?

So, and this is what I do a lot with my clients when they're in a stuck place. I'm like, okay, let's talk about what would feel good to you right now and spend as much time as possible doing those things. And then that kind of takes them to a higher place emotionally. So I hope, did I answer your question about emotional freedom? Yeah, absolutely. I think,

Emotions are information and they're telling you something. You know, in this workshop that I was trained as a facilitator at Google, it's called Search Inside Yourself. It's a pun on Google being a search company. It talks about self-awareness as understanding your emotions. Emotions are things.

information, their data that you can most of the time are driving you when you're not aware of them. But when you can bring the kind, curious awareness of mindfulness to them, you can start to notice, oh, I'm feeling this. I'm feeling tight in my shoulders. Right. That's the other thing is that emotions manifest in the body in particular ways. And we all have similarities in how that is. But we also, you know, we have to learn that for ourself.

Right. How does anger show up? How does nervousness or fear show up? How does happiness show up? And as we can start to bring more awareness to that, we can develop our emotional vocabulary and we can start to notice as these things are arising. And instead of reacting blindly to them, we can notice them.

understand, and then choose how we want to respond. So it's, this is not something that comes easy to me. I feel like, and I think a lot of men in general are fairly disconnected from their bodies and from their emotions. You know, I mean, there's a lot of societal, you know, societal reasons for that and just the way that boys are raised, but

It's challenging for me. And one thing that has helped a lot, I haven't done it as much as I would like, is doing a practice like the body scan meditation, where you're basically just feeling the body.

feeling the different parts of your body, starting at your toes, moving up in your legs, up to your knees, so on and so forth, and just feeling what's there to be felt. And that trains a part of your brain called the insula, which is all related to emotional and bodily awareness. I'm curious, Kerry, are there any practices that have helped you kind of develop your own emotional vocabulary and then ultimately emotional freedom?

Yeah. Well, I really appreciate you bringing this up because that's another area I feel really passionate about is what you're saying about men, especially not really historically having permission to feel anything beyond anger, you know? And so,

A lot of the male clients I work with, it's around this emotional freedom and being able to understand those feelings, but then to communicate them effectively, to be able to relate to people on a deeper level, to develop more intimacy in those relationships. So yeah, I think things are changing. There's more permission now than ever before for men to

express their emotions. But I, yeah, it's like, it takes work, I would imagine. So I commend you for doing that work. And I think so many women I speak to, they're like longing for men to be more emotionally expressive. And so to answer your question, what are the practices that I do? You know, the number one thing that helps me is meditation. I started, gosh, back in, I want to say 2018.

And it changed my life. I've been a daily practicer ever since then. And I truly believe it has rewired my brain because it has facilitated that new level of awareness.

to be able to see my thoughts as they're passing and to sense more, to pay attention to what's happening in my body, like you said, that has really transformed my level of awareness of what's actually going on. And now to be able to do it non-judgmentally, to like not berate myself for feeling any way that I do, but to just notice it and observe it and get curious about it.

And two, I think you mentioned this sort of, well, men, I think being more disconnected from their bodies. I think we all are. In our culture, the mind is so overemphasized. And I think there's a place for our intellect to analyze things and to measure things.

But the thing that I tell people to do if there is stuck in like ruminating thoughts and anxiety and fear is to get out of your head and get into your body. Go move. Do something that's going to engage your whole body because that's going to shift your mind out of that over analytical stage that you're in.

And you're going to start to kind of ease into feeling a little more relaxed. So I think there's so much wisdom in the body that we haven't really acknowledged or given credit to. Even I believe in intuition, like that gut feeling. It's a sense of knowing what is the right decision for me in this moment. That it's like a muscle that we have to really redevelop.

So that we can tap into that. It's like another type of awareness, right? So, yeah, I think meditation for me is hands down the number one thing. Do you practice yourself too? Because I know you're really into mindfulness. Yeah. Has that had an impact on your life? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. That's what started all of this, really. I was so...

disconnected from my body and even my mind honestly like I had that inner critic going non-stop and still do but I was completely unaware that those were just thoughts I like judged myself for what my subconscious brain and my inner critic would be saying and you know let it drive me

Crazy. And so as I, you know, this was probably 11, 12 years ago now where I was introduced to this practice and I started to kind of describe mindfulness and meditation as like setting a snow globe down on the table. Our minds are like a snow globe that we're constantly shaking up and agitating and we can't really see what's going on inside until we set it down. And so as I sat it down by sitting and meditating, I was like,

Over and over again over days and weeks at that time and months, it really became clearer and clearer like, oh, there's that thought again. Oh, I'm doing it wrong. I'm not good enough. Oh, never going to work out. Just these stories that kept coming up again and again. And that happened.

allowed me to essentially loosen the grip that those things had on me. And that as I brought more self-compassion into it, which, you know, took a little bit of time to realize like self-compassion and kindness, the kind part of the kind, curious awareness, as I described mindfulness is as important as the awareness itself, not judging yourself for what arises, but

but just seeing it clearly. And so that gave me quite a bit of freedom to kind of just trust myself more and choose how I wanted to show up and notice, oh, these things are going to keep coming up in my head, but I don't have to put any stock in them. I don't have to believe them. I can ask myself, is this useful? And if it's not useful, I can just let it go. And so, yeah, it has had a huge impact.

impact on my life, all aspects of my life. Wow. I love hearing your story because I, yeah, I totally agree with you. You know, the thought that was coming up for me as you're sharing is a lot of people say things like ignorance is bliss and maybe, but actually if you think about it, if you're not aware, if you're not in tune with what you're feeling and thinking, then

you're trapped in a way. You might not be fully conscious of it, but you feel it in there. And so I believe that awareness is freedom. The more you know and you can see and understand awareness,

what's happening within you, then also that helps you to understand and have more compassion for other people. And I'll tell you, when you come into your relationships with that level of understanding and able to relate to people, it changes everything. Everybody wants to be around you. They feel seen and appreciated and understood, right?

But that starts within yourself first with that self-knowledge and that understanding you're

your desires, your emotions, like all of it. So yeah, I think, gosh, we're doing amazing work, I think now taking some of these Eastern practices and integrating them into our culture in the West, not just focusing on science and math, but actually like, let's take some of these philosophies and really

understand what's happening on a deeper level so that we can have more freedom. So I'm a huge, huge advocate of meditation just for feeling better. And there is a bit of a, I don't know if you went through a transition at the beginning, like it's hard work.

I mean, to me now, it's so pleasurable to sit in silence for 15 minutes and to really just like get new insights and ideas and perspectives come up for me. So, but it takes a little bit of time to get into it.

Yeah, absolutely. As I started doing it, I actually gave up when I started it because I was convinced I was doing it wrong. The fact that my mind was all over the place, I couldn't even focus on my breath for even a couple of breaths, that caused me to quit. And luckily, the person who introduced me to it kind of passed.

I ran into them again. They doubled down on the, that's completely normal. This is actually super helpful if you just notice that. And from there, that's when I brought in a little bit more of that space and that kindness and the curiosity of like, oh, there's that thought again. Okay, let me just bring my attention back. You know, it's interesting. I used to have a story that I would tell myself, very unhelpful story, that I

I can't stick to anything, eating healthy, going to sleep early, going to the gym, et cetera. And meditation was the first thing that I actually stuck to because I just enjoyed that 10 to 15 minutes. It just felt nice to kind of go inward for that short period of time. And now, yeah, after kind of getting through that initial phase,

of thinking I'm doing it wrong, which is the most common thing that people experience when meditating. It's just recognizing that is what the mind does. It creates thoughts. And so expect that to happen. And there's a freedom in expecting the thoughts to come.

And not seeing them as a problem, but rather just noticing that the mind is doing what it does and we can just come back and start again. And so that's been a game changer for me and allowed me to really enjoy the practice and reap the benefits.

Gosh, and you said something too that I want to, I want to circle back to that I think is quite powerful. You're highlighting the ability that you now have or the practice of being compassionate and kind to yourself as you're working through seeing these stories or, you know, making different changes in your life. I think I read once that

The most successful people in the world, and when I say success, I mean capital S, not just like money or fame or whatever, but like truly abundant people in the world are the most compassionate toward themselves. And I've thought about this at length because I believe it. I've experienced that in my life as well, the kinder I am.

the less judgmental I am to myself, the more things happen in my life, the more positive things happen. So this is like how many people have an inner critic on their shoulder, right? Almost everybody. And so, yeah, to do this work of self-compassion, it just, again, is so powerful in terms of living a life that

feels good to you, right? So to not label anything is wrong, I'm doing it wrong. That's such a common thought that is in everyone's minds is like, but there's no right or wrong. What if there's no right or wrong? What if it just is? It's just you showing up doing your best and you can acknowledge yourself for doing that. And when you get into that practice, you start having your own back and

And then that trust, like you said, develops, deepens within yourself. And then, you know, there's just exponential growth from there. So I think that's something that deserves a little more airtime is talking about how powerful self-compassion really is in all areas of life. And I'm so I think it's great that, you know, you have really been able to tap into that more. I mean, would you say you camp out there most of the time now?

No, no, I would not say that. I have a very, very strong inner critic. It's my mind is always going. I mean, when I meditate, my mind is racing most of the time.

I'm in this mode now where I'm like left work, had three months of holidays and illnesses with the kids and all of those things. So it's I've not found a routine yet. And with my business, I'm trying to get things.

My coaching business and my corporate workshop business going, my mind is just constantly, you're not where you should be. You should be further along. You should be this and that. And it's not even like that clear what the complaints are. It's just a general feeling of like, you're not doing it right. Right. Which is my core issue.

inner critic belief. I catch myself more often, but I wouldn't say that I'm like camping out in the self-compassion, just like kind to myself inside my head. Yeah, I appreciate your honesty with that because, yeah, I think it is in maybe, you know, a lifelong process for so many of us.

To just notice, first of all, like, oh, I'm doing that thing again. I'm criticizing myself. And so then to continuously come back to the moment, I think there's a lot of sort of challenging some of even the cultural beliefs that we've been handed. So

like let's say thoughts around success. Well, once you get to a million dollars or two million or whatever, then you're successful. Or once you get to this point in your business, then you're successful. Or if you get married, then you're... So like, I think there's a lot of really questioning, is that actually true? Can I feel successful without any of that? Can I feel... And success, I guess maybe a better word is like,

satisfied or content. And so I think when you can really get to that place of, you know, I'm going to choose to be satisfied with where I'm at, then I believe that the action from that place is, I think, more powerful versus, you

Oh, I need to, I have to push or I have to strive or I have to prove something, right? You can get stuff done that way. But when you're starting with that, I'm okay where I'm at. I trust more is coming.

I'm on my own path, like that more kind narrative. The growth that I think a person can experience is so much higher because you're not using your energy to like, you're almost like using your energy against yourself when you're in that critical place, if that makes sense. You're like forcing yourself.

And one of the laws of physics is every force is met with a counterforce. So you end up creating all this resistance in yourself versus, you know, acceptance, right? When you're accepting where you're at, you're not resisting a lot. And so then you can kind of take action from that easier place. And yeah, I think the ability to affect change is so much higher when you're there. Yeah, I totally agree. That is...

My experience, the more I try to force things, the worse things go. The more I relax into the flow of experience, the better things go. And the kinder I am to myself and the less pressure I put on myself, things just kind of come show up in my experience. Most of the big gains I've had in my life, you know, I always give the example or think about the example of the SATs. I was tripping.

trying to get a good score on the SATs and I was taking a class and I was studying and I was practicing and I was just going, going, going, right? So much effort, so much forcing. And I got a score that was okay.

And then I basically was like, all right, whatever. Like, I'm just going to I already booked these two more times. I'm going to take the test. I don't even care. I'm not studying anymore. I'm just going to show up and do it. My score went up by like 100 points. Wow. You know, and I was able to get the scholarship that I wanted to get and all of that stuff by just relaxing. Yeah.

And a lot of the opportunities I had, like last year, I had the opportunity to speak at Google CEO's leadership conference. And this came about as just an exercise where I was like, what would be totally awesome? What would I love to see happen? And if I challenged myself to think really big, what would this amazing thing look like? And so I said, all right, I want to

build these workshops. I want to do these workshops. That's my vision. All right. What would be a really amazing thing to happen? I'd love to do this for the CEO of Google. And then I just kind of released it and relaxed and kind of, you know, had some conversations to learn more about it. But obviously I wasn't putting any pressure on myself because that was a completely ridiculous goal and big vision. But I just kind of relaxed and trusted that. Yeah, it'll happen eventually. And then,

One night I was up finishing my work for the quarter, like just tying up loose ends at 1130 p.m., which is not the usual for me. And I got this email that was like, hey, we're looking for someone to lead a session for a group of executives. And I'm like, perfect. Had a conversation with the woman the next day. And turns out a couple of weeks, a month later or so, I was there in Mountain View giving a presentation for 27 vice presidents at the CEO's Leadership Conference.

And I could never have forced my way into that. But I think that asking myself, what do I really want and what is an expanded vision of what's possible? And then just being ready to see the opportunity when it presented. And then, of course,

doing a ton of work to prepare to seize that moment is important as well but you know i could have spent all this time forcing and you know trying to make things happen and i've had plenty of periods in my career in my life where i was doing that and just banging my head against the wall you know the the physics example is very interesting that you know every force has an equal counter force i never really thought about in that way that's that's interesting

Yeah. Wow. I love that example because I completely agree. Like when you, because what you're saying is you got into that more trusting place. Like I'm clear, I'm clear on what I want. And so now I'm just going to lean back and trust that it's going to work out when it does. And maybe I'll take a little action here and there or explore or expand my vision.

But I think we think we have to do so much more than we actually have to do. And then that puts us in the position of, oh, I got to control it all. When actually, if you kind of let go and you surrender some aspects of it, that's when you can like in your body, you shift into parasympathetic mode.

And then you have creativity. You have more innovative thoughts. You can see the opportunities when they do show up, because sometimes when you're in scarcity, you're just in this like more narrow place and you can't even see what's around you. And so so I think that's a fantastic example. It makes I think it makes like living life easier.

little bit mysterious. And I like to use the word magical where, you know, things start to happen and you didn't necessarily have to be the one driving everything into existence. Like there's maybe there's other things happening around you that are supporting your process. And so that's where I think it's fun to look at those situations and be like, wow, I'm a part of something bigger and I don't have to do it all.

Like I can just show up with my desire and my vision and like then things start to happen. So I've had a lot of examples of that in my life too, where I heard this, I think I read in a book once that this woman proposed the idea of writing a letter to yourself, you in, let's say six months or a year from now, and you're writing this,

As if all of the things that you want to see happen in your life are actually true. So I write, you know, in six months, I will, I don't know, for example, like I'll have,

another rental property or I will be feeling this confident or I'll be speaking at these places or maybe I'll have this many clients or whatever it is that you would like to see. You just write it all to yourself, write how you want to feel as well. And then I hand it to a friend of mine and I ask, can you mail this to me in six months? What happens is six months, I forget about it.

All of a sudden, I get a letter in the mailbox from myself. And every time I've done this, 80 to 90% of what I wrote has come true. And it's amazing to me because at the time that I write it, I think, oh my gosh, I have no idea how this is going to happen. It feels really big. No idea. And then, you know, it sets that intention into motion, right? And so then...

I don't know, maybe your subconscious starts to get to work or what, but I can't tell you how many times I've done this. And every time it amazes me how those things come to be when you write it down and you put that intention into motion. So anyways, I highly recommend writing a letter to yourself and just play with it, you know, and just see how it turns out.

I love that. That's a great practice. And I mean, this is the core of what I teach, my envisioning exercise that people can download at mindfulfire.org slash start.

is a version of that. It's not mailing it to yourself. And it's a little bit more of a longer time horizon, five years. But it's essentially, if everything went better than expected, what does your life look like? Write it in present tense. But I love this idea of sending it six months or a year down the road. Like, it's just thinking about what you want and then...

kind of committing to it in your mind and your mind because of how your mind works. When you plant those seeds, your mind goes to work looking for opportunities to move towards that. And the more you practice that, the more you plant those seeds through practices, you know, which I teach in my, in my group coaching program, the fire starter group coaching program, talking about your vision, mindset, affirmations, mini experiments, visualization,

journaling about it. The more you do that, the more clear it becomes in your mind and the more you plant those seeds. And then, as I said, your story creates a reality. So you start to notice more of that out in your environment. And I've had situations where I've like looked back on previous envisioning exercises that I've done. And I'm like, wow, like all of this has happened and you don't have to figure it out.

Every single step, you can just set that intention. And I think one of the things that has come to mind as we're talking about this is the difference between having a vision and having an expectation. An expectation is very specific. It needs to look a certain way and happen in a certain time. That's how we set goals most of the time, you know, with the smart goals. And that's fine for goals, short-term goals. But

When you try to think big about your life and commit to a big vision, if you have expectations around it, you're very likely to be disappointed and discouraged. But a vision, on the other hand, is open. It's open-ended. You're open to how it's going to look. You're open to when it's going to happen. You know, for example, with my speaking at the CEO's Leadership Conference,

I told this story in a workshop that I did shortly after that. And I told this story and a guy raised his hand and he said, was Sundar the CEO in the session? I was like, well, no. He's like, so you didn't achieve your vision. I'm like, well, that's one way to look at it.

In my mind, the way I prefer to look at it is I'm at his leadership conference. I'm doing it for his team. That's almost 99.9% what I envisioned. And I'm happy with that. But if I were to say he has to be in the session, I would be disappointed. I would have come up short and been a failure.

That doesn't feel very good. Like we getting back to what we were talking about before. So why would I choose that? And so when we're setting these big visions for ourself, I always recommend just be open to how it's going to look and when it's going to happen and just trust that it's going to happen somehow, some way.

And you don't need to force it or have it look a certain way because you're never going to be able to know. Six months down the line, you're going to be a different person. Five years down the line, you're going to be a completely different person. So, you know, think big about what you want. Move towards it by planting seeds and talking about it. And then just relax and let it happen.

Yeah. I love you're bringing up such a great point here about expectations, because you're right. Like I tell people all the time, when you are attached to that specific outcome,

looking this certain way happening in this specific amount of time. And then it doesn't, you're setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration, right? So what you're saying around this openness, like just hold that idea there, but then stay open to how it's going to happen. And that is where you become pleasantly surprised along the way. It's like,

everything turns into, wow, I wasn't expecting that. And I didn't think it would come to me in this way, but it did. And so this too, I think is where I spend time too, talking a lot about with relationships. So often we have expectations on people, usually the closest ones, you know, our partner, or maybe our kids to be a certain way or to give us something that we want. And,

And I have found enormous freedom in relationships by letting go of expectations of having an agenda of where this relationship needs to go or how it needs to look and instead just being present with that person.

Right. And appreciating the moment that you have with them instead of trying to figure out the future or, you know, defining it as something which tends to take you away from the moment in that person in front of you. So it's like this. What if you just trust this person is going to keep showing up as long as you both are aligned, as long as you're both bringing value to the connection and not worry about where it's going or where it's headed. Yeah.

how they should show up to you or not. It just changes the whole way of relating to somebody when you can let go of expectations in that regard too. So I think, yeah, talking about freedom, like releasing expectations on any area of life to look a specific way or a person to be a specific way and accepting it as it is and trusting is such a game changer in terms of just inner peace and enjoyment with somebody

whatever it is you're engaging at any given moment. So yeah, so that's really powerful that you brought that up. And I think people should recognize that it's a practice, right? Like we're not

wired to do this. We don't have a lot of practice doing it in most cases. So we need to be kind with ourselves as we start to try to show up in this way, try to receive the moment as it is. And meditation and mindfulness are the practices that really help us to do that. Because when we're sitting on the cushion and our mind wanders over and over again, we can get frustrated and think,

I have an expectation to have a clear mind or I can just be like, oh, there that is again. Okay. Makes you more adaptable. And then when you get off the cushion in your real life, certainly things aren't going to always go the way you expect them to. So it allows you to be a little bit more nimble with how things. Yeah. Right. It's less rigid and more like fluid or flexible. Like you said, I agree. You kind of just flow with life a little more and yeah.

You know, let it take you where you want it to go. And yeah, like not force things into being that way. And so much more fun, I think, approaching it this way. For sure.

So, Keri, switching gears a little bit, I know you recently came out with a book called Dare to Desire. Would love to have you share a little bit about that book, how it came to be and what people can expect in reading it. Yeah, I will actually show you on the video. I have a copy right here. It's an awesome cover, by the way. They nailed it. They really did. So so I just released this was about a month ago.

And it's been a two plus year in the making project. And so it's called Dare to Desire, A Woman's Journey from Fear to Freedom. It's a little unique in that it's a combination of both story, fictional story and self-help. So I was thinking to myself as I was writing this, like, oh, am I am I allowed to do this? Like, usually people pick one or the other. And I was like, you know what?

There's no rules. We're just going to do it how it feels right. And so what it is, is based off of some elements of my story of when I left my marriage and what it was like to go through this very transformative process of

Sort of living according to the expectations of other people or society or the way that my family had operated. And actually starting to ask the question, like, what do I want for myself, for my life? So it kind of follows her journey of letting go of those expectations, confronting her fears.

And then realizing all these levels of freedom on the other side. So there is a chapter on financial freedom with the character. Her name's Kelly.

Everything that she's going through in each chapter, there's a corresponding self-help section about what she's experiencing. So maybe that's self-care, you know, maybe it's boundaries. She learned to set boundaries. How could you do this in your life? There are chapters on integrity. What does it look like to live a life of truth, of being so honest about who you are and what you want and

So I take some of my story, but then also some of the aspects of my clients, and I combine them into this character named Kelly. And so we follow her and her sort of radical awakening and what it was like to actualize more freedom in her life by listening to her desires. So I think many of us, especially women, I think are very conditioned to be thinking always of other people.

You know, what is it? What is it that they need or caretaking? Right. And so to flip the script and stop thinking about what does everybody else expect of me and to say, what do I want for myself and prioritize your needs and desires higher is actually the way that everybody wins. You know, it's the way to sustainably show up in your relationships and your life and

feeling more connected to yourself. So that's kind of the premise of the book. And yeah, it's been a wild ride launching it. And I just had my in-person book launch party the other night, which was a huge success. And my goal with it really is to just inspire people and to help them to think bigger about their lives and to think, to imagine what else could be possible, right? What are the ways that I'm stuck in fear?

And, you know, what could I do practically to start to move the needle forward and to live according to what I want instead of, you know, everybody else's wishes. So that's the idea behind it.

Congratulations on that. Sounds really interesting and very much your kind of intention with the book is super aligned with the work that I love to do as well. Just helping people think bigger about their life and asking what's possible for them. Letting go of the constraints, the limitations, all of the things that we allow to limit ourselves and just choosing to ask, what do I really want?

And then following those breadcrumbs little by little and kind of living into the life we want to live. Yeah, right? And it's like, there's always...

a cost to pursuing freedom for yourself, I think. But I say over and over, it is so worth it. It's so worth it to live authentically, right? You're not just doing an autopilot thing. You're not just following the masses and, you know, doing this robotic life that I think so many people do, unfortunately. You're choosing. You are the person now that's driving your ship because

Because you're doing the work to ask those hard questions. And the reward is so high. It's so high. It's like inner freedom. It's outer freedom. It's every level of that, I think. So that's what I'm trying to show possible. I had examples in my life prior to going on this journey. I watched this YouTube channel of these friends of mine who...

You know, they live outside the box. They retired very young. They've got six kids. They do all these adventures. And they showed me what was possible. Like, wow, I can live differently now.

I can have adventures with my kids when they're two years old, if I want. Like, I don't have to wait. I don't have to let any of these things limit me. And so that, that helped me to see what was possible. And so now I want through this book or through my work to be able to show other people, like you can have whatever you want if you know, you're ready to go after it. So yeah. Very cool.

Well, that's awesome. I hope people check that out. We'll link to it in the show notes. It's called Dare to Desire. We'll link it in the show notes. All right, Keri, let's shift gears into what I call the Mindful Fire Final Four. You ready? I am so ready. Yeah, I got my Mindful Fire hat on. We're ready to go. All right. So, Keri, the first question is about envisioning. I would love to hear about your big vision for the future, you know, as you think about the next decade.

few years, you know, what are you excited to make happen in your life and in your work? I love the challenge in this question. It's helping me to think a little bit bigger.

And I love New Year's goal setting. So more recently, I was into that. And I was starting to think about this question. Some of the initial insights I'm going to start following are maybe writing a second book. And I don't know what that would be about, but probably expanding on this idea of freedom. I

I, gosh, I want to get more visible and on stages to be talking about this message. Everything that you and I have been sharing today, like this is my passion. And I want people to be able to feel that inspiration and to believe like I can create whatever life I want to. Like I'm not going to let anything hold me back. And then, you know, another thing that is part of my, I guess, more global vision is

And it is around this idea of helping to empower women with money because I've meet so many women every day who they don't know how to handle it. They maybe haven't had access to it in their relationships or their marriage. And I really believe like if we resource more women financially, then sort of the power dynamics in our culture and our globe are going to shift.

So that in addition to helping empower men with their emotions so that we can live in more harmony with each other, right? And understand each other. So I, yeah, that's really at the root of what I'm doing is like,

I believe that the more we tend to these two areas with both genders or all genders or non-genders, then it's going to create more unity in our cities, in our countries, in our globe. So I know it's kind of a really big idea, but that's what drives me

And I do believe that it's possible. So we'll see how it all shakes out. But that's the idea. Now we'll let life unfold and see where it takes me. Very cool. Well, I did ask you for a big vision, so you gave me one. Yeah, that's great. All right, Carrie. So the second question is,

Related to that goal of creating more empowerment, financial empowerment for women and all people, the second question is, what piece of advice would you give to someone early on their path to financial independence? Gosh.

I mean, really, it would be around the mindset piece, you know, like, what is the story that you want to live into with your money? And two, do you believe that you can have it, that you're able to, if that's what the struggle is, you know, I, a lot of people say, I want more money.

Because they perceive it's going to make them feel a certain way, which it might, but you can also feel that way now. So, and that's really the power of mindset is, you know, if you take the time and you do the work to change your perspective,

And to not allow yourself to fixate on stress and anxiety around money, it's going to change your outcomes. It's going to change everything. And so largely, too, the main benefit is how you feel, the internal feeling of freedom. So I would say, yeah, depending on where somebody's at to really prioritize that inner work,

But also, too, if you feel like you just don't know much about it or you're not as literate as you would like to be to go find people who inspire you. Interestingly enough, I was going to mention this earlier. Deb Emick was somebody who I think it was 2017. I was listening to Bigger Pockets Money podcast and she and Chris were interviewed. They just inspired me. There was something about what they were doing with real estate.

that it really touched me. And I thought, I need to reach out to these people. So I found her blog. I reached out to her. We strike up this great friendship. She mentored me in real estate.

Now I'm financially free. And it's like, that's one example of people that I intentionally chose to put myself around who pulled me up to their level of knowledge and insight around money and financial freedom. So I think carefully selecting who you put in your sphere has a dramatic impact on what you can actually do financially in your life. So mindset and people, I would say.

Yeah, I think that's great advice. And yeah, there's just so many generous, kind, knowledgeable people in this community that are willing to help and willing to chat with you and share what they know, whether that be through the, you know, like the Choose Fi Facebook groups or the Mindful Fire email list or the Economy Conference or Camp Fi where you recently spoke. All of these places are great.

filled with amazing, kind, smart people that are willing to help. So go out and connect with them. I love that story. And you know, that decision is why we're here having this conversation today. You reaching out to Deb and coming, then you ending up at the dinner and then us like really awesome to, to see the ripple effects of these, these decisions. Yeah, you said it. People in that sphere are so, so kind and generous and,

everybody wants to help each other. And so, yeah. Yeah. Get connected and get involved because you'll receive a lot. Yeah. The one thing I love about this, this community is just like, even if we're doing similar stuff, like your coaching and my coaching are probably somewhat similar, right? A lot of mindset, a lot of kind of thinking bigger about your life, but

There's no competition like you're helping in a lot of cases women. I'm helping, you know, people who are at or nearing financial independence and want to figure out their next chapter. So there's slightly things that I had Jess from the pioneers on. She has similar program as well. Right. But I don't feel any any sort of competition because having already taken care of the money situation.

helps so much because you don't need to compete. The pie is big enough for everyone to enjoy and there's enough people to help.

And it's all good. Yeah. Well, and what you're saying right there, I think is so key. That is an indicator of somebody who thinks more abundantly. Like we don't need to compete. Yeah. Right. And we can collaborate, actually. And when we do, we have an even greater impact. So. Exactly. Yeah. I love that. This is a perfect example. This conversation.

Hmm. Yeah. All right. The third question is, what piece of advice would you give to someone getting started with meditation and or mindfulness? Well, I think we already said it, but be gentle with yourself. You know, allow yourself to be curious about what you might discover if you've never done it before.

Just go into it with an open mind and see what you'll discover about yourself. And really, again, like letting go of it, needing to look a certain way or be a certain way and to just be present to whatever comes up.

And, you know, I think there is some value in discipline, of course. But so maybe you tell yourself, I'm going to try this five minutes a day for, let's say, three months or a month or whatever to just stay consistent with it, but not necessarily expect yourself to, you know...

Be some transformed person within a specific amount of time. Just let it unfold and just approach it with that openness. And I think it will turn into something that really supports you in the long term. Great advice. Yeah. What I always say to people getting started is it's not about how much time you sit and meditate. Right. It's not about doing a half hour or an hour. It's about consistency. So start with it.

the amount that you can do no matter what whether if it's a minute if it's two minutes if it's five minutes

Just the thing that you can say, yeah, that's no problem. I can definitely find the time. I'm going to do it after I do this, whether it's after I work out, after I brush my teeth, after I put my feet on the floor, getting out of bed, whatever it might be, just commit to that and then start to notice the benefits over time. And then you can expand. So that's great. All right, Carrie, the last question is, how can people connect with you, learn more about what you're up to and find you online?

Yeah, well, you can first place so you can find me as my website, which is kerrybradley.com. I'm also very active on Instagram, which is kerrybradleycoaching. My book is on Amazon, look there and check out some of my work on that platform. My DMs are always open on Instagram and Facebook. I'm on there a little bit too. So anytime somebody wants to ask questions about

anything about my content, about how I work with people. I just, I love having those conversations. So yeah. So they're welcome to reach me there as well. Very good. Well, Carrie, thank you so much. I'd love this conversation. I think that the audience is going to get so much from it and I really appreciate you being here. Thank you so much, Adam. This has just been such a pleasure and I love that you are in this work of, of,

you know, expanding people's awareness about themselves and about what they want in life. Because ultimately it's that these are the things that are going to change the quality of life for so many people. So thank you so much for this opportunity. My pleasure. Thank you. Thanks for joining me on today's episode of the mindful fire podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, I invite you to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this.

This just lets the platforms know you're getting value from the episodes and you want to be here when I release additional content. If you're ready to start your Mindful Fire journey, go to mindfulfire.org and download my free envisioning guide. In just 10 minutes, this guide will help you craft a clear and inspiring vision for your life. Again, you can download it for free at mindfulfire.org.

Thanks again, and I'll catch you next time on the Mindful Fire podcast.