Why Your Voice is Your Secret Pleasure Tool
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plus a free starter kit, including a rechargeable frother and glass beaker when you shop. Visit peaklife.com slash Dr. Emily and use code Emily20. Here's to healthy glowing skin from within. Because I think it is a joint thing. And I found that when I'm making noise, my partners do respond to like, they know they're doing it right. They're feeling good. Because again, making the noise is saying, this feels good. So then your partner's feeling like, okay, I'm on the right track. It's allowing me to breathe, to regulate, to

actually allow more space for pleasure. So it really is sort of this feedback loop. Have you ever held back a moan because you were afraid of being too loud? Or do you find yourself going silent when something feels amazing, even when you're in bed?

Or maybe you've wondered if vocalizing your pleasure might make you feel awkward or even performative. Well, in this episode, we're exploring the power of sound, not just when you're having sex, but in touch, connection, and embodiment.

Because the truth is your voice can be one of the most powerful tools for pleasure and most of us just aren't using it. Joining me today is Dr. Scott Lyons. He's a licensed holistic psychologist, a body-based trauma expert, and the author of Addicted to Drama. He's helped over a million people worldwide break free from stress, trauma, and drama with his signature somatic approach.

So today we're going to talk about how vocalizing your pleasure helps your partner tune into your body, how it creates deeper feedback loops, and why letting yourself make noise is a form of release that can often be more honest than your words. This episode is intimate. We share a lot and packed with surprising insights on why staying quiet might be the thing that's holding you back. So if you ever feel shy or stifled or unsure about making noise, you're not really sure how to make the noise,

When something feels really good, this episode is for you. So let's get into it. So Emily and I were in Vegas. We did the Grateful Dead concert and we needed a recovery day afterwards, to say the least. And we went and got a couple's massage together because we're cute like that. We are. And I fell asleep in the massage only to be woken up by, oh, that feels good.

over and over again but different variations of it i know and i'm so happy for you they have a canyon ranch in vegas which i did not know yeah and we just walked up there it's at the palazzo and they were like pick any massage you want yeah i got a deep tissue we shared a room your idea to share a room i'd love to avoid impersonality like separate massages but we did it together and

And I got anxious to leave you. Yeah. But when I felt like, listen, what I don't understand is if you're pushing and it feels good, I want to let them know that you're in the right place. And it did feel so good. But you are such a good vocalizer. I made no sound. You didn't make any sound. I didn't make a sound. Also, because I mostly fall asleep in massage, but I had never been woken up by someone next to me getting a massage. What?

Who has such gusto in their voice. And it felt really authentic. Like it wasn't performative. Yeah, I wasn't performative. Not at all. I wasn't performatively moaning. I was actually moaning. And I was paying attention to your massage therapist who just would say like,

great. That's great. She like gay, like you were giving her the feedback of how good it was quite, um, aesthetically and loudly. And, and she was really able to take it in and give and like reply to you and keep going. I feel like vocal recognition of something that feels good is such an important thing to do. I mean, okay. I didn't know that you like to nap during massages. So if I knew that I might've held back.

No, but I don't want you to hold back. But typically I'm like, oh. Because also it's a release. Like a big part of everything, touch, pleasure, massage, is like truly vocalizing. And like it's all connected. Like I've had to train myself like making noise, making sound like you do even during sex. So many people don't make enough sound during sex because of,

They feel they're going to sound weird or they should just kind of not make a sound and internally feel good. But I found that every time I feel whether I'm eating a meal, this chocolate is so good. Like I feel it fully embodied. So I'm fully into the pleasure. But you your sound is so embodied and it's so delightful. And I kind of want to give people a sample of your of your pleasure sound.

Could I give you a foot massage and see how it goes? Okay. I just want you all. This is real. I didn't have to perform it about anything anymore. This is not, I, this is also a lot of pressure on me. I want to say it's a lot of pressure to make sure that you make sound.

Holy shit. Now I'm frozen. No, I tell you, but you know how to do it deep. Okay, I got to do it deep. And the other thing about this is that when I'm connected to my body, you are deeply going into my footbed. It's all reflexology, the bottom of my feet. Like, I feel it's releasing stuff over all over my body. Yeah. And I feel like...

when I'm focused on the sensation and making noise, I'm not in my head right now. I'm not thinking, oh, I wish she would go to the left. I'm like, oh, it's good. And then you know it feels good. It does feel nice. Doesn't that feel good that I know it feels good? Yeah, the feedback is really nice. And like, I feel like so many of us are suppressing our pleasure. But when you vocalize it, you are expressing pleasure, not suppressing it. Yeah, that's super true.

Oh, that was a crap. That was like a good adjustment. When you add the moans and like the deep pleasure, it's not only letting your partner know what feels good, but it's truly allowing you to express it like your full body's on board and

And that's all keys to moving orgasmic energy through your body. It's all keys to deeper arousal. Were you always a vocalizer or did you have to like train? I think that early on I was making noise, but it was performative music. Oh, porn star. That's what she wants. This is going to be hot to you. But I think what I've found with my partners who are present and understand this, that

They really want an authentic noise. They're not judging me on my noise unless I wake them up. But usually they're actively engaged and they're like, oh, wow, I see your pleasure, Emily. I see that you are fully enjoying every moment, whether they're going down on me, having sex with me, touching me. It's funny. Even when my partner touches my neck or kisses me, I'm like, hmm, because I just love it. I know. And I think that's such an important thing to talk about because I've found that

that this is a huge topic that comes up a lot. We were like, I don't know if she likes it or I don't know if he had an orgasm. Does he like it? Does he not? Because I think especially men and my theory is that a lot of men started having sex

started having orgasms when they were young in their bedrooms, masturbating. Well, they can't have their mom walk in. They can't make a noise. So they suppress the sound. Yeah. Not like having wild explosive orgasms at a young age. And then men, I think also might worry that what they're saying is going to sound funny or weird or shameful. It's shameful to make a noise. Maybe, maybe there's even a notion that making noise is for women and men should just be hard and penetrating, but making no noise is,

But I can tell you, I've been with men who don't make any noise. Yeah. And I feel completely disconnected. I'm like, is this good? Is this bad? Are you alive? Do you have a pulse? Like, what's happening? I think...

Like sex is going to represent probably a bigger issue of like how much can they allow themselves to feel pleasure and vocalize in general. Like you said, like soup or chocolate of like, hmm, that really tastes good. Like are you alive enough in yourself to taste what you're eating? Yeah. And to like experience.

express that because expression is a part of experience. It's not just like taking something is. The senses, right? Making a noise, actually tasting it, smelling it. Yeah. Like listening to the crunch or whatever it is and like feeling this. Yeah. To me, like it brings me also the thing about we know about sound

is that it can, for a lot of people also during sex, maybe they're ashamed, they're not making the noise, but for so many people, they're anxious during sex. They simply are. They're in fight or flight. They don't feel calm in their bodies. So by making noise, it can help regulate their nervous system as well. And therefore, the more regulate the nervous system, the more they can actually feel. So it's like a feedback loop. Yeah. It stimulates the vagal nerve, which is associated with like the

Chilling out. Yeah. Doesn't it stimulate the vagus nerve? The vagal nerve? When you do like... Vocal. Yeah. Vocal. And like it's a built-in tool for soothing our nervous system. Like even humming, right? So it makes sense that during this kind of thing that people could all...

I think we could all stand to make a little bit more authentic noise during any kind of pleasurable thing, including massage. I actually love that we had that experience. I loved it too. I want to hear more noise from you. You know, but on the flip side. Or go harder, harder. Oh, God. All right. Deeper. Ah. So good. So good. He's like rubbing the top of like middle of my feet. Ah.

A little decompression action. So good. Yeah. Ugh.

I don't know, Em. You were louder in the massage. I feel a little, I feel a little like, am I doing good? You think I'm trying to bring it down? What you're not doing is... Good? Well, she was like in my back. She was in my, she was in my, all my pain points. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. So I think it's also, yeah. I was going to say on the flip side is when the sound, I don't even know if it's performative or...

I mean, I told you once that like I was with someone who sounded like a dolphin. Like, like, do you think that was real or performative dolphin? Real or performative dolphin? SeaWorld or something? Yeah, they definitely engulfed and embodied a fucking sea lion or something, a dolphin in them. And it was just like, it was distracting. I was like, is this real?

But I get that the wrong kind of sound. But yeah. No, sound is important, period. Sound is important. Sound is important. And authentic sound is a missing piece in building your more erotic confidence in ourselves. Yeah. Because I think we sometimes are like, does it feel, it gets us in our head. We're thinking about it. Am I really having pleasure? Am I not? So when your sound is a fully real authentic sound, you have more confidence in your voice.

ability to be I think it allows you to be more connected you're like I'm really feeling things right now well sound has more sensation to it it's like right it's vibration it actually increases the amount that you're feeling as you're expressing yeah which is pretty pretty awesome what about your sound

My sound? I've never been a loud sounder, like a big vocalizer, but I have expanded my repertoire in years of sounding. On purpose? Was it an intentional expanding of repertoire? Yeah, I noticed I was silent. Common. Yeah, I...

Yeah. And I noticed like, I don't really like dirty talk either. Like when I get distracted when someone's like, yeah, slap me around and call me pretty. I'm like, wait, what? I thought we were. Yeah. So like in a more recent relationship I was in, like I really appreciated sound when it was authentic. Yeah.

You could kind of tell when it wasn't. Yeah. You can totally tell when it's not. But we also like, it's a requirement. Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right track? It's a way to be more. Just a little feedback. Yeah. It's feedback. Yeah. It's feedback. But I think it's not really conscious. And I do think that men are a little bit quieter. Yeah. Sometimes than women, not to generalize. But I think you can practice. You can go slow. 100%. You can just say, ah, mo. Like just practice being like, mm.

you have to be like me and like wake up the whole thing, but you could practice. You don't have to wake up everyone at the massage chair. You could practice the power. Like what are your noises when it feels good? We're starting with food, right? Yes. Just like a, doesn't have to be at a restaurant, but that's fun.

Like starting at home with like something that tastes really good. And just like what's the sound that goes with the enjoyment? Right. What does that sound like? Mmm, delicious. This is so good. There's like a little sound practice I like, which is like starting a sound in your mouth and then moving it around. So it's like mmm.

it's like chewing the sound, moving it around your mouth and just warming up the tissue to be more receptive to vibration starts to like increase the pleasure. What are you telling me something about oral sex too and humming? Oh,

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like making sound during oral sex increases the amount of sensation on someone's foot or dick or ass, whatever you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, it's a vibration. If you're humming into their ass or into their butt or into their penis, that's another layer of it. That's a whole other layer of sensation. Yeah, if you don't want to do hum. Yeah, you just think of it like a trumpet. Mmm, boom, boom, boom.

Playing the shaft is like the... Playing the shaft like a trumpet, yeah. Yeah. But I feel like, I think that this goes back to a lot of us have been taught to say silent, say good. Sex is pretty. Don't make sounds. Don't make noises. Just pound away and you just don't really know what's feeling good. You need that sound. You need, we all need a little bit of affirmation, a little bit of encouragement to keep going. Yeah. And on the flip side of that, again, it's like you see porn, which is so hyper, like sound and performative that it's like,

I don't know. It's a turn off. Have you been with somebody who's like, you got that straight from porn? Yeah, 100%. Like some of the dirty talk. And I'm like, what the fuck are you saying? Yeah. And the sound is like, oh, yeah, that's the stuff. I'm like, what's the stuff? I literally just touched your nipple. Yeah. Like if you're enjoying it, great.

But it just feels like I've heard this before. Have you been with someone who's like... Totally. A lot. Was it the words or the sound? It was everything. It was like, yeah, yeah, like...

Or even the guys who just like choke you right away. And they're like, oh, yeah, you want like making assumptions if that's what you want. Yeah. But what I've heard from a lot of guys who are with like women, younger women, like maybe millennial Gen Z guy friends are like, yeah, it's so weird. Like all the sex they were having with these women felt very porn like. Like there was no like, oh, baby, daddy, do it to me. Like it was that. And they were like, it just didn't feel like it took about like this doesn't

feel like you're repeating a script here, which my heart goes out to these generations because where else did they learn about sex and porn? They're like, that's the script. Daddy. Right? Yeah. Obviously, that's genuinely your noise, but I don't think that women have been given a lot of

Or, man, really time to play around and be like, it's okay. Because it's all about being outward. If you're thinking about a script when you're having sex, are you actually even embodied in feeling what you're feeling? Or are you just like, cue the moaning. Cue the moaning that I learned in porn. So I guess I just want to say that sound is also like if you feel like you don't have a lot of pleasure, you're not in as many orgasms, you're not –

fully connected to your partner, maybe I'd amp up the volume of your genuine, authentic sound. Pump up the jam. Pump up the jam. Pump up the jam. Pump up the jam. I think that's an important one. You know, now that we're singing, that's actually a good practice too of like,

you know, even singing along with some songs on the radio or, you know, wherever you're listening to music and just starting to feel like that. The sound is coming from your body, like from your mouth, from your chest, from your abdomen. And this is all connecting. You know, I had a teacher who once said like, uh, our voices are six limb is like a limb, like meaning that it's attached to us and coming like a limb is something you can reach out and bring something back with. Right. Right.

In the same way that like, I mean, that sounds seductive. Like Emily. Yeah. Let me check out your sixth limb. But there's like a disassociated voice that can easily happen where it's like, I can just say, ah, and like the sound is disconnected from my body versus like if I'm making sound like,

from my body like where it's connected and expanding out at the same time it's like ah that's it it's like that ecstatic dance I did the other night like we saw our friend did this ecstatic dance practice which sounds very like LA but I'm telling you you like

actually like move, stomp your feet and you make, he was like, make ugly noise, make noise like no one's watching. I mean, that is so cathartic. We have so been silenced for so long just about making genuine, authentic noise. And that is exactly what you're saying. Like that is the thing that's going to allow us to feel truly safe.

present, alive, embodied, but it's a total practice because I can tell you that I can't call over the years. All the people have emailed me like my partner wants me to talk dirty. I don't want to do, which is adjacent to this or make a noise or make a bone. And I just think you have to like not overthink it. And it can start with, babe, that feels good. It doesn't have to be like, you know, spank me harder. It could just be a iterative practice. But if you find that you're not saying anything during sex,

and it actually feels good, I'm like, I don't know how you don't. Yeah. And I think you're missing out a little. Yeah, for sure. I think it's what you're bringing up too is like from the aesthetic dance is if you're not expressing yourself during pleasure, are you expressing yourself in other emotions? Yes. Like are you suppressing yourself as a global experience? Like are you vocal when you're angry? Are you vocal when you're sad? Are you vocal when you're having like...

Yes. And I think it's part of like a bigger picture here of wellness. It's like how you do one thing

That brings up emotions. Yeah. How you do everything. Yeah. And you could learn to express. Yeah. Clearly in all these situations. And I think there's something to say about vocalization in control. Oh, tell me. Well, I think a lot of us not just stay silent, but kind of contract as a means of staying in control to not fully lose yourself. Because when we lose ourself, we're letting go of something. And that can feel scary or, you know,

evoke some intense feelings. And when we are truly letting go, we're probably going to be making sound. Yeah. Right. Like when you get pain or get orgasm. Yeah. Like it's all sound based. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. Oh my God. I love this. But I think there's also a lot of shame around making noise. I think the shame comes from, I'm not supposed to be making noise. I'm afraid my partner's going to judge me when I make this authentic noise. It's better to stay quiet.

maybe as a woman, it's like, oh, it's prettier if I don't make noise. Or for men, it feels embarrassing to make noise. Where do you see the shame in this?

I mean, shame as far as like how the nervous system works with shame is that it's a freeze in our nervous system. It's a, like it's intended to be like, let's say when we're kids, for example, like you're like, you're my kid and you're running across the street in traffic. And I'm like, Emily, stop that. Like that, the shame response about how it works in the nervous system is that you freeze and

So that you can consider your behavior and take in what's being said to evaluate and change. Okay. Like that's the intention of change on like, excuse me, the intention of shame. Where it gets funky is where we don't help, like the parent doesn't help unfreeze the kid, right? After that, like stop. Yeah. It's like, stop. Hey, my love, I needed you to stop because it was dangerous out there.

And that's the actual biological mechanism of shame in our body. And that's called healthy shame when it has that like repair structure to it. Unhealthy shame is when it becomes toxic. Like when it becomes basically, we believe that about ourselves, whatever it is. Like stop and you start to believe in yourself that you're a bad girl.

And we do that to ourselves. Like our inner critic is constantly giving ourselves like, oh, my partner didn't get hard because I'm not attracted enough. That inner critic is part of shame. And it's like, and shame, like I said, is intended to have us freeze momentarily, ideally, so that we can evaluate. But that freeze shows up in how we vocalize. Right?

Right? If we're frozen in our body because we have a whole history of shame, it shows up as stiffness, but also a lack of expression. Can you walk me through like what you see too in your patients or your life? Like maybe a lifelong, like starting from that shame of running across the street to how it shows up in the bedroom maybe? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm thinking about a patient from the other day whose stepdad made some comments about how she looked in her jeans. Right?

And for her, it was like so confusing about like why would a parent and also like it made her freeze as I mentioned. But also like she was interpreted like just felt this gross feeling that was attached to it. About being sexy maybe in general. Yeah, and felt shameful about her body because someone she needed to be there for safety was actually objectifying her, right? Anyways, so how did that show up is years later,

as an adult refused to get things like manicures or pedicures or felt like her idea of them they just felt like superfluous like stupid silly a waste of money getting like a nice haircut or a facial was like waste of money like that's how she referred to it as

And what we were really able to identify is what she, the script was, it's a waste, but really it was, I'm protecting myself from further shame and objectification. Yeah, further myself from objectification. So I'm not going to do things that make me feel pretty or sexual or draw attention to me. 100%. And so we see it and it did affect her sex life. Yeah. Right? Is that like she wasn't as expressive in-

her ability to communicate her emotions. Because of this younger, I mean, it's all younger stuff. It's all these patterning that happened in our childhood that's not allowing us to show up in the bedroom. And that's why this important pivot right now of like sex is wellness is like these patterns that everyone talks about from childhood and trauma or whatever it is, which we all have conditioning shit happened in our home. And now it's impacting our lives, including in this purposes, our sex lives. We have to learn to understand that it's not,

Just if you do this tip or you make more noise or you communicate better, it's not going to totally be solved if it's still still living in your body. Right. Yeah. No, 100 percent. I was just thinking about like so you've had a lot of people write in, you said, about like calling, calling, writing, texting about like wanting their partner to be more vocal. Yeah.

And what's like your go-to practices? You said like helping, like giving each other a massage. Yes, giving each other a massage or touching for my pleasure than touching if you're a pleasure. So one night my partner just gives me a massage. I love that. Or massages my arm. And my job is to tell my partner what feels good, what doesn't. Like my practice is actually vocalize and learn.

to be more dominant and more like expressive about what I like and don't like. Because I think the other problem is that for a lot of us, especially a lot of, I think it happens with men too, but a lot of us don't really know what we want because we haven't really gotten what we want because men weren't ever told we wanted. So we just had to go along with things. And that's the reason why sex can become a little bit of boring and rote because we're like,

It doesn't really feel that great. So having all the attention on me for a night, the next night would be on my partner. I have this whole entire hour, say, or half hour to be like, oh, that's good. That's not as good. Oh, that feels really great. I like it when you kiss my neck. I like it when you slowly touch my arm or whatever it is. And then I'm noticing too, like, oh,

Like I'm doing a little body mapping, trying to feel like what actually feels good. And I'm going to practice vocalizing that. So that would be another way to learn what genuinely feel good rather than just doing the porn script. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That reminds me, I met a couple ones and they each had one day a week where they would just receive. Like receive pleasure. They get to say what it was they wanted to receive.

Yeah. And like a whole focus just on them, like receiving. How nice is that? I know. Yeah. I forgot about that. I have a massage table in my last relationship. Like sometimes it was his turn. Sometimes it was my turn. Just full massage using a massage candle, like rubbing things all over. It was amazing because I didn't have to think after this massage, now I got to massage him. And that's the problem with sex too, is that I think that there's always this pressure like,

it's really hard to let go and receive for a lot of us because we're thinking, well –

do i like this do they like doing this do they want to be here am i going to orgasm you know and we right after this i'm going to give to them what will i do to them but if you're just like this is about you yeah i don't want you to have to do anything else you have to get yourself a glass of water tonight you just have to lay back and receive and you have to tell me what feels good and i can't wait to hear i want to discover your body i want to explore your roger zones and you all you have to do is tell me what feels good that's part of the same vocalization expressing

Yeah. Yeah. You can express it. And we're like, God, it sounds like that feels really good. And like affirming, like, wow, that sounds like I really hit a good spot there. Yeah. So you like the nape of your neck rubbed. You like the back. You like your lower left buttocks massage. Whatever it is, then your partner's in the noticing, we're in the expressing, and then we're learning. And we're having pleasure. This is all about learning how to fully take in pleasure,

Having connection without the goal of orgasm, but the goal of exploration to find, to learn all of these different spots in our bodies that are good, that, that feel good to us. Because I don't think many of us, I know we don't take the time to actually pay attention to

Without all the fight or flight and worry in our bodies breathing, what do I actually want? What feels good to me? Because if you think about it, we are covered in nerve endings that feel wonderful when stimulated, but mostly we just stick to the same kind of spots. So if you just kind of explore everywhere, imagine the possibility. Imagine the possibility. Wonderland of pleasure. I was thinking like also –

Like when I was massaging your feet. And this is a good example of like, because you're definitely a vocalizer and not in the dolphin kind of way. But I'm less so. And I found myself actually mimicking or mirroring your sounds a little bit when I was massaging your feet in the beginning. I was just soft about it.

But that's actually maybe a great practice too of like if there's one partner who's really getting to feel, it's like how do you kind of match their sound and be like, enter into it? Yeah.

Yeah, because I think it is a joint thing. And I found that when I'm making noise, my partners do respond to like, they know they're doing it right. They're feeling good. Because again, making the noise is saying, this feels good. So then your partner's feeling like, okay, I'm on the right track. It's allowing me to breathe, to regulate, to actually allow more space for pleasure. So it really is sort of this...

feedback loop. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Let it through. But it's so much about like sensory play too. Like we talk a lot about sensory play is really trending. Like you light a candle or you use ice cubes or you like take like these little like nails, like fake nails and you rub it over your partner's body or use a little necklace and you blindfold them. And there's something about this unknown of what kind of stimulation is going to come to you, like temperature play, hot, cold, tickly, and

I love just this play of exploring, like using a massage candle, using a little tiny little whip baby or a little flogger. These are all, like have these by your bed to play with your partner and create new ways of pleasing. Okay, so. Do you like to be tied up? Yeah. Oh. Sometimes. Let's do an episode where we just tie you up. I like it. I like to relinquish control during sex. Oh, okay.

I don't want to necessarily be in charge because I'm in charge of everything in my life. Seemingly in life. Oh. I have a lot of things going on and I like to be

tied up or blindfolded at least or just led yeah do you feel like you're more vocal when you're relinquishing control yes oh interesting like the massage massage yeah yeah i don't know what those they thought when we left canyon ranch but well i did get a text about your vocals i'm just kidding they're like she can't ever come back like i haven't got kicked out of my place here but this actually brings up another point of like and you kind of mentioned it before of like

kids you know younger adults when they're masturbating they have to be silent because they're in their family's house but there's also like the issue of like roommates or if you're parents and you have kids it's like how thin are the walls and do you care like I know parents all the time we're like what do we do we have kids yeah what do you recommend

I recommend, you know, listen, I recommend that parent families have full-on conversations like, Mommy and Daddy have time together. This is what sex is. This is what you might hear. Okay. I'm all for full 100% disclosure like we see in the Netherlands. Like we see in… Really? Yeah. Like if you go to Amsterdam, you go to…

Where else in the middle? Sweden. Sweden. Yeah. They, at a very young age, talk about sex, that we need our alone time and we need this. And that if you hear your parents having sex, think about it. That's part of the problem why sex becomes so challenging is because we have to hide it. You hear those kids say all the time, my parents have only had sex twice, just for the two of us. But what if we knew and celebrated our parents are still prioritizing their connection?

How beautiful is that? So then when I'm grown up, I'm still trying to figure out what it means. But if I grew up in an environment, because sex is so masked in shame and religion and all these things that parents are like, I don't want to be the family on the street that's

actually telling our kids about our sex happening, but who's going to start? Because I'm telling you, it's way healthier than kids being like, ew, gross. Dad, mom, I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to hear you. And, Grant, you don't want to be screaming. Like, I don't want to be screaming, waking up my neighbors either or my roommates or the massage therapist. So there's a certain discretion there.

But what I recommend to parents is find the times of day that are best when the kids are napping or when the kids are out or whatever. I know it's challenging. Listen, it's challenging having toddlers, having kids and figuring out how to make time for sex. But one of these nights where you're just pleasing one partner and the other, it doesn't have to be as loud. It could just be more...

you know, a time of learning to receive a time of play because couples crave the play. They get so bored. Yeah. Do you recommend things like, like putting a pillow? Is like, is that helpful or is that just like more of the issue? Right. You feel okay that a pillow is, is, is blocking your like, cause you're yelling into a pillow. Cause I'm like sounding yelling into a pillow.

Like, if I'm at my parents' house, I actually, I had a partner who refused to have sex if we were staying with my parents. Okay. And, like, it was several floors difference. But, like, they were so concerned, you know, from their background stuff. This is what I'm saying. What if it wasn't a concern? And I was like, my parents know I have sex. Why is it that people have sex so...

Again, there's so much to undo from our society to make it okay that you hear somebody else having sex. But yeah, I understand that. Take a dude in the shower, you know, get in the car when you're visiting your parents with your partner or on the radio, but the radio against the door.

Sound machine. Sound machine. I don't know. But yeah. The ocean waves. But the thing about the sound too is I want to remember it's also for ourselves. It's also like I want to remind you that when you really genuinely feel that deep pleasure and you express it,

You're helping to move the sexual energy through your body. You are cycling it. You are circulating the energy because a lot of sexual energy is blocked and stuck. So just this practice of vocalizing could be such a game changer for so many people.

Huge. It's kind of like if you've ever been with a partner and all of a sudden there's a little bit of tension or awkwardness and then you guys are laughing together and it just breaks the ice. The ice being broken is about that movement inside you from the sound, actually. Yeah. Right? I love it. Moving the sound. Here's what I want to leave people with.

Next time you are touching yourself or a partner, try letting yourself make just 10% louder of a sound. 10% more sound than you usually do. It doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be performative. It is authentically your sound.

Something that feels real. And then I want people to notice, does this change your arousal? Does this change your present? Do you feel more connected? Because I don't need to go, people will go from zero to like screaming at the, so the neighbors kick you out of the building. But 10%.

10% is doable. Yeah. 10% is totally doable. Totally. And I think it's a good titrated amount to build yourself up to that ultimate sound. I love it. I mean, your voice is part of pleasure. Use it. Use it, y'all. Use it. Use it or lose it. Let's go. Woo! Woo!

That's it for today's episode. Thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. If you love the show, please like, subscribe, and leave it a review wherever you get your podcasts. And hey, share this with a friend or partner. It just might spark something. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, and X. It's all at sexwithemily.com.

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