🎤 PODCAST • Family Friction ~ I fight with my mom and left home.
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The Selfish Path to Romance. Download Chapter 1 for free at drkenner.com. And right now, I am going to turn to our after-hours line with a call about an 18-year-old who has moved out of her home, and she has a lot of conflict with her mother and can't make ends meet.

Hi, Dr. Kenner. My name is Patricia, and I just wanted to ask you, I'm 18 years old, and I just moved out of my mom's house because a lot of family problems, and me and my mom have been through a lot of problems, from police to within our household, divorce.

for my parents and everything. She did a lot to me and I did a lot to her. And I just finally moved out and I really don't have that much money or whatever. Not only that, but I feel very, very lonely. I feel like my world is like all awake and jumpy and I'm just like,

Like, I'm half asleep, and I don't know. I just feel very lonely. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm only getting bigger, heavier. You know, I just lost my job. I can't afford anything. And I don't know what else to do. I just need someone to give me advice on how maybe if I should try to speak to my mother, because now me and my mom had a huge fight, and we don't even speak. And I don't know what I should do. Sometimes I feel like I'm not worth anything, and I just have this great depression.

I just need advice from somebody that knows. So if you can just please let me know, I'll be so grateful. Okay. Patricia, you're 18 years old and you sound like a lovely person and you sound like you're reaching out. You've got a nice ability to say, I know I did some things wrong with my mom, meaning we did a lot to each other. You're owning your role in that.

So here's what I recommend. Don't make this an attack on your own personality. Don't conclude from the temporary situation that you're in that it's a lifelong situation and that it will never change. And what's the use? Why bother? And so you might as well eat yourself into oblivion, at least that's some pleasure. If that's the thought path you're taking, challenge it. Challenge it now.

Another way to look at this is you've been through a heck of a lot of trauma. If you've had police at your home and your parents are divorcing and it's been really chaotic and you're only 18, have some empathy for yourself. Be your own best friend. In fact, that's a cognitive therapy method to be your own best friend. Think of what you would say to another friend who was going through similar problems, who had lost a job and...

Hey, I've got to interrupt this because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that's it. A very quick ad and then Ellen will be back.

Many romantic partners have complaints like "I live in the shadow of my husband's life" or "I feel invisible to my girlfriend." These are common complaints, but you never want to betray yourself in a romantic partnership. When both partners value themselves and are lovingly honest with one another, romance

Discover the secrets to lasting love in this liberating book, The Selfish Path to Romance, by Drs. Edwin Locke and Ellen Kenner. That's The Selfish Path to Romance on Amazon or SelfishRomance.com. The next thing is you want to be able to challenge some really deep-seated,

Thank you.

The third piece is if you don't have money, if you're really strapped, you could attempt to make amends with mom. I mean, not because she'll support you, because this is only temporary, but if she is not a vicious person and you both had a role in calling each other some pretty bad names, you could call mom back up and put it on an equal playing field. You could say, you know, mom, we both said some really lousy things and...

I'm just wondering if we can connect again. I'm not doing well on my own. It wasn't a good start. I thought maybe this would be a solution. I'm seeing that it isn't. And I apologize for X, Y, Z, for my role in it. Now, don't apologize for more than you did. Your mother owes you an apology for her role in it, but you can't force that out of her. So just take ownership of the part that you did.

And then, and if she says, I don't want you back, that's it. Don't give up on yourself. Give yourself credit, a pat on the back for at least making that effort to reach out to your mom as one possible solution.

And then what you want to do for depression, you could go to my website for Mind Over Mood. You want to make an action plan for yourself to get a job and to be able to lose the weight and to meet friends, but you can't do that all at once. You need to break it down into bite-sized pieces.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to drkenner.com and please listen to this ad. Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, the Serious Romance Guidebook by clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner and co-author Dr. Edwin Locke. We said that wanting approval to eliminate your self-doubts does not

work and it does not contribute to a lasting romantic relationship. On the other side of the approval coin, you cannot get genuine self-esteem through disparaging others with put-downs, flaw-finding, or one-upsmanship. Another person's flaws don't make you a better person. People who try to get self-esteem by putting others down are trying to hide their own moral vices and or their own sense of inferiority.

You earn self-esteem by your own thinking and actions, not through comparisons. Self-esteem is not a matter of comparing yourself to anyone or gaining the illusion that you're okay by using defensive maneuvers. You can download Chapter 1 for free by going to drkenner.com. And you can buy the book at Amazon.com.