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cover of episode The First Steps to Find Love with Matthew Hussey

The First Steps to Find Love with Matthew Hussey

2024/11/26
logo of podcast A Bit of Optimism

A Bit of Optimism
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Matthew Hussey
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专注于电动车和能源领域的播客主持人和内容创作者。
Topics
Matthew Hussey: 寻找爱情的关键不在于放弃高标准，而在于将高标准转向对良好关系至关重要的方面，例如善良、同理心、信任和一致性。不要被最初的化学反应冲昏头脑，因为那并不能预测一段关系的长期可行性。要警惕那些让你感到不安全或不自信的人，不要盲目信任你的直觉，因为直觉有时会误导你。要避免在早期约会中过度投入，要关注对方是否也同样投入，并且要关注你们是否能够作为一个团队良好地运作。不要仅仅关注你从对方那里得到什么，也要关注你能够为对方提供什么。人生有很多故事，找到伴侣只是其中一个，不要将人生的意义仅仅局限于此。要学会感恩，关注你已经拥有的美好事物，而不是关注缺失的事物。 在与痛苦的关系中，负面自我叙事会加剧痛苦，导致难以承受的压力。降低压力水平可以让人重新获得掌控感。主动创造机会，增加找到合适伴侣的可能性。社交能力是一种需要练习的技能，在科技发达的今天，主动与陌生人交流的能力变得越来越少见。 一段好的关系应该既能让人感到安全和被接纳，又能带来惊喜和成长。在一段关系中，应该关注已有的美好事物，而不是关注缺失的事物。一段关系就像一块土地和建在其上的城堡，需要双方共同努力。 主持人: 在寻找爱情的过程中，人们容易被最初的化学反应吸引，而忽略了关系的长期可行性。人们容易在早期约会中过度投入，并对对方做出过早的判断。人们容易将安全感投射到对方身上，并试图通过选择伴侣来证明过去的选择是正确的。在当今社会，人们容易陷入不断寻找“更好”选择的状态，像购物一样，不断寻找更好的选择。人们需要在某个时候选择“安家”，而不是不断寻找更好的选择。在选择伴侣时，应该能够清晰地表达自己对对方的爱慕之情。要关注一段关系中四个重要层级：欣赏、相互吸引、承诺和兼容性。

Deep Dive

Chapters
Matthew Hussey discusses the common mistakes people make in their search for love, emphasizing the importance of high standards and the need to redirect them towards qualities that make for good relationships.
  • People often have high standards that are too narrow, focusing on superficial qualities.
  • Initial chemistry can be intoxicating but doesn't guarantee a viable relationship.
  • The work involves helping people turn their high standards towards areas that make for very good relationships.

Shownotes Transcript

Finding love is a journey. We might take some wrong turns along the way.

Matthew Hussey helps people find love, and sometimes, redefine their relationship with love. Matthew is a dating coach who balances practical advice about the art of attraction with the importance of centering our own sense of self in our search for love. Starting as a teenager and working primarily with women, he’s helped thousands of people find romance and create relationships built on values which feel right for them. 

I sat down with Matthew to ask him everything he’s learned about love after decades as a dating coach. He shares with me the most common mistakes people make when looking for a partner, what we ought to be looking for, and why our own happiness is ultimately our own responsibility, not anyone else’s.

This…is A Bit of Optimism.

To learn more about Matthew and his work, check out:

his new book, Love Life)

his YouTube channel )

matthewhussey.com)