What’s the Best Menu Item At The Cheesecake Factory?
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What?

Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we break down the world's b-b-b-biggest food debates. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole Inayati. And today we'll be taking on the seminal text of our time 300 years ago that may have been Milton's Paradise Lost, 4,000 years ago, could have been the epic of Gilgamesh. But now, Nicole, now the seminal text of our times.

The Cheesecake Factory menu. Were the two things you said before, those are books? Yeah, technically Paradise Lost is a gigantic poem, I believe. Okay, it's an epic.

I don't know if it's an epic per se. Yeah, probably an epic. Probably an epic. What was the one you said? The Epic of Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh is an epic. That's an epic. You know, I know that. Because it says epic of. Well, the epic. In ancient Sumerian, I don't think they said the epic of Gilgamesh. They probably just said like Gilgamesh. You know, it's like a... Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh. Like Oklahoma. An exclamation point. Exactly. No, today we're talking about all about the Cheesecake Factory. We're trying to answer the question of is the Cheesecake Factory...

because it's very highly rated by a lot of people. I maintain that the Cheesecake Factory, of which there are more than 330 locations nationwide, is maybe the broadest spectrum of socioeconomic and class ranges that interact with each other. It's like the New York City subway. It's like the bank. Yeah, it's like the bank. Or the post office, I should say. It's like the post office? I don't think rich people go to the post office anymore.

Oh, really? I don't know if middle class or low income people go to the post office. When's the last time you went to the post office? I don't know. Recently. Really? Yeah. I don't know if I've ever been to a post office. Oh, I love going to the post office. So much stress. What do they do there? They deliver packages for you. I thought you go to like the Staples and you go to their package center because that's what I think I do. Okay. I'm going to be honest with you. I don't go to

that much but when I do go I do enjoy it because it makes me feel like I it's like almost like going to court for a ticket like you have to do it like you have to do in order to be an adult yeah it's like something you should do as an adult is go to the post office go to court whenever they summon you and eat at cheese kebabs those are three wildly different things one of those no they're not go to court when they summon you is a legalistic there could be a warrant out for you yeah but you could like not go next time you get a speeding ticket you could like totally not go yeah you could totally do a lot of things that would be against the law um

What I'm saying is if you as a regular diner go to the Cheesecake Factory to maybe have a delicious, you know, strawberry mango rita, a slice of cheesecake and a Kung Pao chicken wrap or whatever they got. That sounds like a recipe for vomit, but okay. It sure does. In that order specifically. You might be sitting next to like a Justin Bieber or a Hailey Bieber, his sister. You might be sitting next to them at the Cheesecake Factory. Hailey Bieber is his wife? His sister and wife? Yeah.

Hailey Bieber is Justin Bieber's wife. They have the same last name. They're brother and sister. They're married. I don't understand. Anyways, the point is… What? You'll always see the most A-list of A-list celebrities eating at a Cheesecake Factory. Whereas I don't think you see that with something like a Chili's. Or a Aplebis. Aplebis. You love to go to Aplebis. I come here from Latvia. So I have to tell you something about Cheesecake Factory. I used to be the biggest Cheesecake Factory hater. So much so that in 2016, I made a…

Wait for it. A Facebook post about it. Are you ready? Oh my god, yes. I have it right here. From February 17th, 2016. Disclaimer. If a guy takes you to Cheesecake Factory on the first date slash month of courtship, he is a lackluster f*** boy, f*** boy, and you can do better. I don't care how good the brown bread dipped in Santa Fe dressing is, girl. What the f***? Have standards.

I wrote Howl Design 2016. If I'm 31 right now, I don't even know. Eight years ago, 23 years old. That's about the time when you would believe stuff like that. So, yeah. Do you see? I am so passionate. Like, I called people lackluster F-boys for taking girls to the Cheesing Factory within the first month of dating. Like, what is, what was going on? One, you're going to get canceled for that.

I know I'm so that's so crazy everyone shower your hatred on Nicole and it's so crazy because it has number one it has 200 likes well that was huge at the time at the time that was like a big deal like people also felt this like your grandfather being like Frank Freder used to be a nickel and some people

are like let me tell you some people are saying like I love you so much I agree with you I agree with you 100% who dips their bread in Santa Fe sauce you sicko the Santa Fe sauce I imagine is some sort of ranch dressing with a couple drops of hot sauce no incorrect it's a it's a green it's a wildly green cilantro based dressing with a squirt of peanut like peanut sauce almost

It's delicious. I love this. Yeah, yeah. I got some... Yeah. Some really funny comments. But long story short, I used to be very anti-cheesecake factory. I hated it. And the reason why I felt that way is because...

You know, we live in Los Angeles and you can, if you wanted to, explore the entire terrain of LA and not eat at a restaurant twice for like two years. Like truly. Like you could eat at a new restaurant every day for 600 plus days and never repeat it. So why would you go to Cheesy Factory? It's just another chain. This was my mentality before. I was like, we can, like, you don't need to do that. Like, you could do so much better. You know what? There was so much pride

In mediocrity, especially with food. Like when you go to Cheesecake Factory, you know what you're getting. You know what you're getting yourself into. Like if I get, I know that when I sit down, I'm going to sit in a booth. I'm going to eat the brown bread. I'm going to have a good time. I'm going to order something delicious and it'll taste the same no matter what Cheesecake Factory I go to. And for that, I am now grateful. I couldn't see it back then, Josh.

I was marred. Do you think that that is the wisdom of maturity or do you think we've gone through a big cultural change? Both. Both, right? I think I've grown up as a person and, you know, going to a chain restaurant is not a bad thing. Specifically, the Cheesecake Factory. It's not that bad. It's fine if it's mediocre. There's nothing wrong with eating mediocre food. You don't need to constantly chase the highs and the lows and the this's and the that's.

Just give me some firecracker shrimp or salmon. I'll substitute the rice for broccoli and, you know, get a mashed potato on the side and live my life. My big confession here is that I've never eaten a full meal at a Cheesecake Factory. That's not true. It is true. You're a liar. It is dead true. Depending on your definition of a meal. You live in a house of lies. This is the house of lies you have built. I've never sat down for dinner. I've never been like, oh, I'm going to make a res of the Cheesecake Factory. I've ended up at the Cheesecake Factory and gotten drinks and then I've gotten...

All their little noshies. Oh, you got appetizers. We got appetizers. Yeah, yeah. But I've never sat down. Like, I've never had an entree at the Cheesecake Factory. It's just never happened for me. I would like to. I've had so many things happen at the Cheesecake Factory. Like what? Give me your top three biggest Cheesecake Factory life moments for Nicole, Anayati, and May. Okay. I have spent many a New Year's.

dinner there. What the hell? In Beverly Hills. I think the Beverly Hills one is the first one, actually. That is the flagship. Yeah, it is. It was 1978, the Beverly Hills full restaurant location. Correct. I believe it's on Cannon or Beverly Boulevard, wherever it is. I've spent many a New Year's dinner at a cheesecake factory. Very proud to admit it. I went on a date there. One of my first dates ever with a boy. What year was that in relation to your Facebook post? 19...

Oh, so this is before the Facebook post. So was he an F-boy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was he? Huge. What a horrible person. I hope you're listening. I hate you. Name him. I can't. If I do, it's like Beetlejuice. Andrew. And also, I had a huge family meeting where we had to talk about some very serious things over some avocado egg rolls.

So I've had a lot of experiences at Cheesecake Factory. A lot. Your Cheesecake Factory is my sizzler. Is it now? Is it now? Yeah, yeah. Okay, nice, nice, nice. Yeah, the old, hey, visitation rights are going to be changing, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That all went down at the sizzler. Drama, drama, yeah. One of the things I've loved most about walking into a Cheesecake Factory...

is the sheer amount of energy. It feels like… Hustle and bustle. Dude, it feels like you're walking into freaking Madison Square Garden. You're so right. You know, Knicks are playing, and we're not talking about the Knicks of 10 years ago. We're talking about the new promising Knicks that are, you know, going to actually make the playoffs, hopefully make a run, hopefully take out the Celtics. Like you're walking in, and there is a thrum. Yes. You feel it, and that's something that's super enticing. Because one of my least favorite things when you're talking about exploring restaurants that are actually locally owned and unique to the area, yada, yada,

I can't stand being in an empty restaurant. Yes. You know, I don't like the calm vibes of a restaurant unless that's like part of the deal. It's omakase. It's really fancy, whatever. But if you're walking in on like a Friday night, this is going to be a two, three cocktail dinner. You know, I might be going out after. The place is dead. And it's dead. It's a bummer. Cheesecake Factory. I was walking by a Cheesecake Factory with some friends who like

live in kind of like west side, like south LA. And they were like, oh man, I've always wanted to go get dinner at a cheesecake factory. And I was like, oh, we should book it. We should do it. That sounds fun. Yeah. And they were like, oh man, can't get a res for like three months. Yes. Oh, three months? What are you talking about? The Marina one. I don't know. According to them, it's like constantly booked. You can't get a seat at the bar. But that's... I went on a date there. It's not for like...

It's not for, like, the exclusivity, but the fact that I went into a Texas roadhouse once in Bakersfield, California. That's a good one. Packed to the brim. Waited half an hour. We were, like, on our way to Tahoe or Fresno or something. But we stopped in, and it was bustling, and it was full, and it was fun, and it was lively. And that's, like, one of the things I want at a restaurant.

Cheesecake Factory will always give you that. It's always busy. Which is fun. Yeah, I agree. And it's not like it's busy, packed with celebs. No, it's normal people trying to enjoy normal good food, and they do a pretty damn good job, at least of the tiny little fried bits and bites that I've eaten there. Yeah, so also, like, what's your favorite thing to get there since you've only done the bits and the bobs and the drinks and the cheesecakes? Like, what do you like from Cheesecake Factory?

from there. My move, I'm always a fan of fried shrimp. What do they call their fried shrimp? I think it's called bang bang shrimp. It's bang bang shrimp. The Korean fried cauliflower I always think is great. They got avocado tacos that are lovely. Someone always ends up getting like crispy brussel sprouts which is like perfectly fine. But everything I've had, it's kind of like the, oh yeah, poke nachos. I've had those. Those are great. Yeah, they're really good. Dude, they got an egg roll sampler. I don't know.

They have like over 200 items on the menu. Their burgers are really good. I've never had a burger there. Oh, their Kobe beef burger is phenomenal. We can't just be complete simps for Cheesecake Factory. But I am simping. Can I tell people what my ideal order is? Go, go, go. Okay, so I go and I get myself a nice ice water, all right? Ice water specifically. I ask for a lemon on the side.

And then I get the brown bread. And then I get a side of ranch and then also butter. And I eat the bread with some ranch and some butter. And then I get avocado egg rolls. I'm speaking directly to you, human being on the other side of this. I get the avocado egg rolls. I split that with whoever I'm eating with. I get a Santa Fe salad.

The tomatoes, let me tell you, the tomatoes are so awkwardly cut. It's like what? It's like a quarter of a tomato just slapped on there with like a bunch of tortilla strips. Sometimes I ask for light tortilla strips because it kind of turned into nachos at that point and like I don't have time for that. And then I get the spicy cashew chicken. I sub the rice for broccoli and let me tell you, one of the most delicious things you'll put in your mouth is the spicy cashew chicken with the broccoli. It's phenomenal. And then if I'm

If I'm feeling it, I get myself a little Oreo cheesecake or a classic New York one. I ask for extra strawberry sauce if they have it. I'm looking at their entire menu right now. I have not. Did you like my freaking order? What? You said you were talking to them. Did you black out? You said you were talking to them. You said you were talking directly to them. But I expect you to listen when I talk. That's a great order. I hate you. I hate you.

No, the tomatoes in the Santa Fe salad are cut all weird. It's like a big old quarter of a tomato slapped on there. You get the avocado egg rolls. I was listening to it. Active listener. Have you ever had something called a French dip cheeseburger? Never had it from there. Looks incredible. Long burger. They cut it into segments, dip it in the jus. Long burger? It's a long burger. It's a burger on like a... But it looks like a glazed brioche. It's like a long john donut. I can't...

have that on them. Look at this. Well, yeah, because you got to like, it's searching the Cheesecake Factory menu is like navigating the Dewey Decimal System in a library. Truly, truly you are correct. You got to go ask a docent to schlep you around there. Correct, correct. I need to actually go there and I want to do like what Keith from Try Guys did and just eat every single thing because that would give me a lot more perspective on it. A thing that I do hate is

And maybe there's room to talk about the overratedness here because right now you and I are just sort of both on board with this. The branding of Cheesecake Factory, it's very strange. The burgers are called glam burgers. Everything seems to be somewhat Egyptian themed. Are you talking about the actual like decor? The decor. You walk in there. It's like Michael Jackson's house. Yeah. Are we saying that's a good thing? I don't know.

Knowing what went on in the house. Do you remember, like, he did that interview with Martin Bashir? Is that his name? Martin Bashir? That's definitely a person. I don't know. And he goes to, like, the antiques and he goes, I want that one. I like that one. I want that one. I don't need that one. Like,

No, I don't remember that. You don't remember that? I don't think I've ever watched it. It was a watershed moment. I don't think I've remembered it, let alone remember it. Oh my gosh. He had a monkey. Yeah, he had bubbles. Did bubbles outlive Michael Jackson? I don't know, but what I'm trying to say is basically it looks like an antique shop, but you are sitting on the antiques. And for some reason, they had like 40 of the antiques. You know what I mean?

mean? It's very ornate. It's very ornate. It looks like something out of like Vegas. Like it's like, it's like if Vegas is exactly what it is. If Vegas vomited in a restaurant, it would be the Cheesecake Factory. A hundred percent. And I don't love Vegas. Vegas actually really creeps me out. You don't like Vegas? Anytime I go to Vegas, I feel... You haven't been to Vegas with me. I feel... I certainly haven't. Good times. We should do it and then not tell...

The last time I like partied in Vegas, everyone had to like make a pact to not tell anybody. What is it? Like the hangover? Someone broke their nose. Another person crapped their pants. Like it was just awful, awful, awful. What? Like it was the worst thing in the world. Well, okay, whatever. You know, and so yeah, we threw the pants down the stair. Ew. Ew. I don't know. It's Vegas. It was disgusting. And I've like never been back to party. I went to make a sandwich for Gordon Ramsay once. Yeah.

But the point is, you were transported into a different world, but it's a Faustian bargain because that different world, everything is fake, and it vaguely steals your soul. Yeah, but you don't mind it. The sky paintings in the Bellagio or the Venetian or whatever, they've made it feel as if you are outside, but you're living in the Truman Show. You stare up, and there's paintings of sky on a ceiling. There's a guy in a gunshot.

And everyone's trying to sell you something. And that is the vibe of the Cheesecake Factory.

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Now, all her tech is connected. Exactly. Step it up with Cox multi-gig speeds available everywhere. Two gig download speeds, individual speeds vary. See cox.com for details. You ever had the blackened chicken pasta from there? Actually, I have had that. I've had that as a to-go order. Yeah, it's really good. I think at work.

It's really good. It is really good. I want to eat more cheesecake. I haven't had cheesecake in like two years. I would actually really like to go have a sit-down meal there. You saw how, you know, Alex and Zoya? Of course I do. Yes, they're fabulous. They're like this cute lesbian couple. Alex Traeger, Zoya Biglari. Incredible. They made a viral salad. I don't know if you saw this. They took a, I believe, a Caesar salad. They swapped out the chicken, asked for fried chicken on there, and then caramelized onions. And then they made a viral salad.

And let me tell you, this video of them doing this went viral so much so that they had it on a menu, I believe. How crazy? Get out of town. Isn't that crazy? And it sounds so damn good. The thought of eating caramelized onions with a Caesar salad with crispy ass chicken. I don't particularly see the vision, but I do love that they did that. And I do respect both of their palates a lot. I think they're both incredible. Yeah, yeah. Me too, me too. I just really had to say that. I'm sorry. Okay.

Analyzing the Cheesecake Factory menu, it does seem to have a lot of similarities to your TGI. It's no longer TGI. It's just Fridays now, huh? It has a lot of similarities. It's just Fridays now? They dropped the TGI. Yeah, yeah. What have they— They're taking God out of our restaurants. They're taking God out of our schools. I didn't even put that together.

They really did. They took God out of TGIF Fridays. Oh, God, the cultural decline. This is not the America my parents came to. TGIF Fridays actually had a huge history of being important in the gay community. I had no idea. It was basically a gay club in the 90s. Those potato skins. What can I say? That's what gets you in the door. What can I say? And it's the voguing that keeps you. No, there's a great essay that I read about it. But like,

Fridays, Chili's, Applebee's, these places that they all serve more than like a Sizzler or Texas Roadhouse or Outback even. Vast regional... So much food. Continental food, right? What kind of kitchen are they operating back there? Like how many actual like...

chefs do they have? God, probably huge, huge staff. But Cheesecake Factory, not only do they do so much more, like Fridays, they have a giant menu, but they're like, they really pare it down and they work to pare it down because they're owned by a large corporation and, you know, they sort of have to cut costs in that way. Right.

TGI, sorry, Cheesecake Factory, 330 locations. They do about $3.5 billion in revenue per year. Shut up. And that's gross, not net. Margins, I know, are super... Yeah, probably invisible. Super slim. But still, they're able to, like, operate...

200 plus items at that massive of a return on stores. So incredible. Which means they're doing something right. I think they're just doing the best version of a Friday's style food and more. And we haven't even talked about the best thing at the Cheesecake Factory. Cheesecakes? The cheesecakes, dude. I talked about it.

You did. I blacked out. I lied. I lied to you when I said that I remember what you said. You lied about being an active listener. Let me tell you what happened. You lied about being an active listener. You took the part that you wanted to repeat for yourself so you can tell yourself I was listening to her the whole time, but all you did was regurgitate a sentence because you're good at remembering sentences. I don't want to fight, but here we are. What'd you say?

Cheesecake Factory started out as literally a factory making cheesecakes in 1972. Well, it started out long before that when I wasn't like Evelyn. Evelyn something. Evelyn Cheesecake. Evelyn Factory. But no, she was originally just baking cheesecakes for local restaurants in I believe it was in Woodland Hills. Yes. It's an outskirt of Los Angeles.

And then her son eventually opened the first Cheesecake Factory that was serving like little sandwiches in the late 70s. And so as Cheesecake Factory, they opened their first location. It was in D.C. outside of Southern California in the early 90s. That was when we see – if you see a freaking Southwest egg roll –

That – whatever place had that on the menu started in the 90s because that was the thing, right? It's like fried Brussels sprouts. That was in the 2010s or whatever. Southwest egg rolls was a huge 1990s thing. And so Cheesecake Factory like has all of that 90s nostalgia, which is to say food that you just really want to put in your mouth. So they're doing Fridays. They're doing it bigger. They're doing better. They're doing better.

And then I think it's also like, I haven't had a better cheesecake. I've had, you know, burnt bass cheesecake, whatever, but like an American ass New York cheesecake. Never had one better than Cheesecake Factory. Do you want to do a little experiment with me right now? Yeah. So what you're going to do is you're going to say the cheesecake and you're going to say if you're going to eat it or not just based off of instinct, okay? We're playing smash or pass on this? Yeah. Oh, let's do smash or pass Cheesecake Factory Cheesecakes Edition. Triple berry bliss. Pass. Oh, smash. Oh, you creepo. All right. Original.

Smash. Pass. No, I want more. Are you crazy? Fresh strawberry. Smash, smash, smash, smash. You want that, but you don't want triple berry. You want single berry. I have a single. Too many berries. Well, I'll tell you what they did that I think makes it incredible. Have you ever had chocoflan? Yes. Chocoflan is a chocolate cake with flan baked on top of it. Very good. It's the best thing in the world. They have started doing a cake on top of the cheesecake.

And so that is what the Triple Berry Bliss is. There's a layer of cheesecake. Oh, you didn't explain that. You didn't explain. I'm sorry. I was just naming. You should have started with the original. Well, that's what I'm saying. This is their legacy. If they had just been, if they had just been a cheesecake factory, which is to say a factory making cheesecakes.

It would have been an incredibly successful business because they do a great job. Okay. And they're doing Friday. And they're Vegas. Okay. This is not a crowd pleaser. This is an acquired taste, which I'm still going to pass. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Interesting. But it's cake. Okay. Oreo Dream Extreme Cheesecake. Smash. Pass. I hate chocolate and cheesecake. What? I don't think it goes together. Sour with the chocolate. I think it ruins it. I love Oreo. You're nuts. You're nuts. Oh, my God. They all look so good. Ultimate Red Velvet Cheesecake. It's got red velvet cake and cheesecake covered in cream cheese frosting.

I will pass. They put frosting on the cheesecake. Keep going, keep going. Pass. Reese's peanut butter chocolate cake. Smash. Smash. No, chocolate. No, Godiva chocolate cheesecake. Smash. Pass. Coconut cream pie cheesecake. Smash. Let's go. Smash. Adam's peanut butter cup fudge ripple. Smash. Pass. Cookie dough lover's cheesecake with pecans. Smash. Nicole, it's encased in cookie. The whole thing is encased in cookie. Look at that. Oh my gosh.

I want to give birth to this. God. I want my body to produce this. I hope you can hatch it from an egg. Pineapple upside down cheesecake. Absolutely smashed. This is the best.

Maybe thing I've ever eaten. Is it hot? Is it hot? No, it's cold. And I like it cold. Well, I would microwave it. Go for it. I love it. Ice cold. It is a layer of pineapple upside down cake, cheesecake, more pineapple upside down cake. This is their single best cheesecake. Celebration cheesecake. Vanilla cheesecake, strawberry, chocolate, vanilla mousse. If I was with my niece and nephew, smash. If not, pass. Yeah, pass. They have a Basque cheesecake now? Oh!

Cheesecake Factory, how do you do it? Dude, geniuses, geniuses. Definitely, right? You gotta try it. I'm gonna smash. Cinnabon Cinnamon Swirl Cheesecake. Oh, oh, oh. I might pass because I think it might be too sugary. Ooh, that's smashing me, baby. Salted Caramel Cheesecake? Smash, smash. Toasted Marshmallow S'mores Galore? Smash, smash, smash. They trademarked S'mores Galore, so if any of you were thinking about naming your childhood. Don't trademark. It's been trademarked, babe. S'mores Galore, Levy Sher. Come here.

Dulce de leche caramel cheesecake. Smash. I bet that's good. White chocolate raspberry truffle. Oh, this is smash, smash, smash. That's smash. This might be the best thing. Just enough chocolate to keep me interested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. That's a black bottom. Mango key lime cheesecake. Smash.

Smash. Banana cream cheesecake. Yes. I pass. I pass on that. I will pass. I pass on that. Respectfully. Respectfully. Very cherry girardelli chocolate cheesecake. Very cherry girardelli. Yes. Smash. I want Costco guy to say, very cherry girardelli chocolate cheesecake. Boom. Boom.

Lemon raspberry cream. Smash. Yeah, smash. Chocolate tuxedo cream. Smash. I pass on that. Chocolate caramelicious cheesecake made with Snickers. I'm going to smash because my standards are slowly, they are waning. My standards are waning. Okay.

We have more. Wear them down at the end of the night. Last call happens. Y'all get lonely. Chocolate mousse cheesecake. Oh, I'm smashing. Lemon meringue cheesecake. I'm smashing. Smash hard. Hershey's chocolate bar cheesecake. I'm going to pass. Pass. 30th anniversary chocolate cake cheesecake. Just for the romance of being together for 30 years, I'm smashing. What is this? Made in 2008? The 30th anniversary? What the hell? Low...

Lowlicious cheesecake. This is low carb, no sugar added, gluten free. Too good to be true. Honestly, I'm down. I'm going to try it for science. Lowlicious, I will say, not trademarked. So you could name your child Lowlicious. Now there's one with strawberries. Okay, I'll smash. Vanilla bean cheesecake. 100% yum. Great. Smash. Tiramisu cheesecake. Pass. Pass. Pass. Pass. Pass. I'd smash that. Key lime cheesecake. Smash.

Perfect smash. This is fun. Caramel pecan turtle.

Cheesecake. Smash. Pumpkin cheesecake. Smash. Pumpkin pecan cheesecake. Smash. That looks better because they got the pecan pie filling in it too. Oh, that's done. That's it. And then we're done. Now we're on to their actual desserts. My favorite is a $10 bowl of fresh strawberries. Their strawberries though are really high quality strawberries. I believe you. They do high quality work. That felt really good. Thanks for entertaining me with my silly little ideas. Anytime. I...

I feel like any time we've discussed whether or not something is overrated, we've always been able to strike somewhat of a balance, right, with these restaurants. You know, Chipotle, it has its goods, it has its bad, yada, yada. We're very pragmatic. We're all about finding the good and the bad. What bad do we have to say about Cheesecake Factory? The decor. Well, not even the decor, but the— It's too big. There's something— The restaurant's too big. The decor is gaudy.

The servers are fabulous. Every server I've had there is fabulous. Same. You know, there's the big business angle. Do we want to homogenize restaurants to support local? That's true. But also it's like we live in a competitive marketplace. I want to feel. I'm spending money on my night out. I want to feel something. I feel love in that cheesecake factory that night. Yeah. You know what I mean? Sure. All right, Pam from the office. Thank you.

I always really liked it. I know it's cool for Gen Z to be like, oh, Pam's a terrible person. I don't know, man. People don't like Pam now? People used to love Pam. What characters from sitcoms are Gen Z retroactively canceling? How old are Gen Z? The one right below us. Trevor's a Gen Z. They hate Pam. I don't know. I'm sorry. They maybe hate the wife from Breaking Bad. Oh, Skylar? I've never seen it. Skylar. Okay. She was voted the top TV villain ever.

Of all time, I think. She was the top TV villain? God forbid a woman try and knock some sense into their husband. You know what I mean? Is that they're making meth? Is that they're making meth? They're making meth? So what did we learn today, Josh? Is cheesecake overrated, underrated, perfectly rated? I think I'm in love with the Cheesecake Factory and I would like to franchise one and have one for my birthday, David.

What are you looking at? There's 1,231 Chili's. How many Cheesecake Factory's? Just over 300. We need more Cheesecake Factory's. Well, well, well. I think the reason Cheesecake Factory is not overrated is because they've kept it at 300. I think Cheesecake Factory, if they keep expanding, which I don't think they need to per se, I think you could get into a territory where it's saturated, right? Where you've lost the quality control. But for now...

I think Cheesecake Factory deserves every single customer that it gets. Do you think they'll send us a gift card? God, I hope so. Please send us a gift card. Send me a whole cheesecake, please. Pineapple, sit down.

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All right, Nicole, you've heard what you and I have to say. Now it's time for everybody's second and a half favorite segment on the show. That's right. This is called Review a Review. Before we get to your opinion casseroles, we are going to read reviews that you have reviewed us for our own review on the show. This is indeed to goad you into writing more reviews on Apple Podcasts because we think it helps. We just don't understand how.

That's right. We got Just Tried Sardines says, Hey, I just tried sardines. I didn't like them at all. Not one bit. In the process of throwing them out, I dropped them all over the floor. Just thought I'd let you know. Additionally, I wanted to inform you on my new breakfast creation. I really like sausage patties, but I'm trying to cut down on fat.

So I made patties out of ground turkey. I threw Louisiana hot sauce and sugar-free maple syrup on them, and boom, breakfast has been served. Would you do this? Also, thanks for entertaining me for who knows how long. Cheers. You said their name is Just Tried Sardines. Their name is Josiah Jones.

Yeah, I don't know how to read sometimes. It's okay. You know? I give this five stars just for the sheer boldness and understanding that, you know, you don't always need to tell us how you feel 100% of the time. No. I like the fact that the last sentence says, but for the most part, you're just telling me about your day. And you know what?

But I'm really proud of you because you tried something new. You didn't like it. It fell over your floor. Josh, I'm speaking. I'm so sorry. It fell over the floor. You cleaned. I assumed you cleaned it up. And you just got over it. And guess what? You made a decision to cut down fat and you made yourself a bomb breakfast. And, you know, this is just how life should be. Sometimes the sardines fall on the floor. Sometimes you eat them and you don't like them. But you know what? You always get up.

Life goes on and you make yourself a low-fat breakfast patty. Is it my turn to talk yet? Sure. I like the sausage. All right, Maggie, fire up that review. Nicole, I do listen to you. Fire up the opinions. That's what I meant. Where's your brain today? What's wrong with you? So many other places. What's wrong with you? So... Focus. So many other places. Focus, Grandpa. Oh, my God. You're like Joe Biden right now.

Hey, y'all. This is Scott from Falls Church, Virginia. And I'm calling because I had a revelation the other day. I got food from this one restaurant nearby me called Celebrity Deli. And I saw on their menu they had a kimchi Reuben. And I had it and it blew my mind. And I realized kimchi is better on a Reuben than sauerkraut. Oh, wow. That's the post.

Think about it. Think about it. You know you want to. Anyway, thank y'all for everything. Y'all make my day every day. Much love to y'all. Keep rocking. Peace. So cute. So I googled Celebrity Deli, Authentic New York Jewish Deli in Falls Church, VA, which is Virginia. That's correct. I'm guessing this is the same place. Yo, that's definitely it. Why would it not be? He said he's from Falls Church and went to Celebrity Deli. Do you think there'd be multiple? He said.

No, you're not listening to people. Where is your mind, Nicole? Where is your mind? It's not the fact that I bought this lip gloss a few months ago and it's already three quarters of the way done. Sorry, that's where I'm at. In my first cookbook, culinary bro down cookbook available on Amazon or wherever you get your books. Pfft.

I made a kimchi Reuben, but with fried bologna. So it's a fried bologna kimchi Reuben. Ew. I love fried bologna. It's one of my favorite things. I don't eat a lot of fried bologna. And also this is the struggle meal section. I'm sorry. I'm never speaking again. That's okay. You know, poor people deserve nice things. You sound like a evil. I think where sauerkraut outperforms kimchi in terms of a Reuben...

is in the texture. It's all the texture in the cut, right? So sauerkraut is thinly, thinly shredded. And in my experience, tends to be less tough than kimchi, which is made from Napa cabbage generally. So like a white cabbage to me, it gets more tender and the cut on it is shreddy. If I were putting kimchi in Reuben, obviously I would like

very thinly diced up. See, they're putting whole pieces of kimchi in this Reuben, which is where I have a problem. I love those whole pieces of kimchi. I love eating a big old leaf of kimchi with chopsticks on the side of food as it's typically presented. But I think in a sandwich, you need to do

You know how you have shredded lettuce? You need shrimchee, shredded kimchi. You should make shrimchee. I should make shrimchee. Or if you just took white cabbage sauerkraut but then added the shrimp paste, added the kochukaru, the chili paste, added all those flavors but with white cabbage made in that cut. Ooh, that would be a fun little hack. That'd be a fun little hack. I think that'd be a fun little thing. We should just do that on the show. Why don't we do that on the show one day?

That'd be cool. And just close the lid, let it sit for like a day? No. Oh, you're talking about just flavoring pre-made sauerkraut? With kimchi flavors. Oh, yeah. That'd be an easy thing. I thought you meant make it from scratch. Oh, no. Not for me. But I do like this person's opinion. I see it as valid, but I just love sauerkraut. I just bought a brand new jar of sauerkraut, and let me tell you, sometimes I just take spoonfuls of it and I just eat it. It's a fun time. It's so delicious. Fermenty cabbage. I love it.

I love. Nothing beats to me. I don't love a lot of store-bought kimchi because to me it's like too acidic. And I don't know if that's because... Too much citric acid? I don't know if they're preserving the citric acid or if it's that the lactobacillus gets trapped into the closed jar. But there's like a Korean market...

near me that has the best homemade kimchi I've ever had in my life. And it's not very sour. It's super, super dense and umami-driven and spicy and funky with that shrimp paste. It's, God, what a treat. And it's, like, dry, too. It's not sitting in liquid. Oh, nice. You know? So, oh, God, that's good. Yeah, you know, living in L.A., I got to get a better kimchi connect. I really do. Does anybody have a Korean grandma that would just give me...

bushels of kimchi. Call me. You know my number. Leave a review about your Korean grandma with bushels. I want your Korean bushel-filled grandma to hit me up and give me some kimchi. I'll pay her. I wouldn't not pay her. The grandma with the bushels is going to get paid. Hondo paid. Hondo. Hondo paid.

Holy moly, you guys were not kidding about how sensual that whistler is. We don't get around that. So I'm calling from Canada, and my hot food take is that maple syrup is incredibly overrated. Whoa! Don't get me wrong, I love the stuff. I will use it in my sauces, put it on pancakes occasionally, but...

Most of the time, I will choose Aunt Jemima or whatever they call themselves. Pearl Milling Company. Okay, I'm going to say something. I'm going to have a hotter take than this. Go ahead. I think honey is better than maple syrup in almost every single application. Agreed entirely. Oh, okay. So it's not that hot. Agreed entirely. Okay. Maple syrup is something that I love. Also, honey, like, water it down by a little bit to give it the same consistency as syrup, I think. Like a honey syrup. Sure.

My thing with maple is that it is a valid flavor, but it's utterly, utterly bizarre that it became the main flavor of syrup.

Right? Because that is insanely specific. Like the bark of one tree that's native to North America. It's the bark. What other sap, what other trees produce sap? Freaking dude, like so many, like mastic, birch, I don't know. There's like a ton. There's a ton of stuff out there. There's a ton of different roots that can flavor things. Cinnamon's a bark. No, but it doesn't produce sap. Why not cinnamon syrup? But it doesn't produce sap, does it? No, I guess not. But like...

Well, it's because I think it might be one of the few – well, I'm not sure, but my instincts are telling me that it's one of the few trees that creates a sap, like a liquid sap. I see what you're saying. And probably that's why it's so popular. Things like – that you were saying, like – what were you saying? Mastic? Yeah. That's like – yeah, like I don't know. Maybe mastic doesn't necessarily do the same thing. I don't know. I'm not sure. Okay. Well, so –

Here we go. Walnut trees can be tapped for its sap to produce syrup. Birch trees, as you remember, box elder. Elm, hickory, you can get. Okay. What about like, I don't know, spruce maybe? But like you can sap multiple trees. You can sap them and tap them. And it's weird that maple is like the only one. Maybe. That we use. Maybe it's the best tasting one.

Well, maybe. But I think – but now that we have things like Pearl Milling Company, I used to use Eggo brand syrup because it was always on sale at my local grocery store and it came in a waffle. I hate Eggo brand syrup. It's so thick. But like it's a lot of corn syrup or you can make – when I make syrups at home and I do this quite a lot. You're a syrup maker? I am. But like I just do sugar water cornstarch, sorry. Oh. And that thickens it just enough and then you can add whatever flavors you want. But maple is an ultra-specific flavor that like –

I can't even begin to describe to people because, again, it's just a tree. It's a flavor of a tree. Maple flavor. It's sweet like honey. It has a autumnal, cinnamony, clovey, all-spicy undertone. Undertone?

Am I right? It doesn't quite capture it, though. You're so right. It's tough to describe maple without using the descriptor of maple. Yeah, it's tough. Maple tastes like maple. What color is orange? The color of an orange? Who does that help? That's what I'm saying. Right? Honey, at least, you can say, like, well, there's got some floral notes to it, right? Sweet floral. Sweet floral.

You know, slightly kind of bacterial in a way. And different honeys taste different too. They do. They do. You know. Alfalfa honey tastes like. Avocado honey is probably my favorite. Yeah. Yeah. I love orange. I've always been raging. Orange and buffalo honey is also great. Yeah. Good old fashioned clover honey. But yeah, maple is. It's tough to say it's not overrated because it's so highly rated. And it's such a bizarre product, bro. You juiced a tree and boiled it down. Now I'm putting it on pancakes. That's weird. You made tree juice. You know.

Just saying. Well, whenever... And for a Canadian to say that, that's brave. He's, I think, actually going to be executed in some country now. Yeah, I was going to say, we should probably get him into witness protection. Come on, come on. We'll get you into Minnesota. There's that one... Do you know what I'm talking about? There's this one little area that looks like it's in the Canadian mainland, but it actually belongs to the U.S. That's from that one show that has Kevin Costner in it? Is that his name? Well, I don't...

Yellowstone? Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I haven't seen it, but there's a bunch of witness protection people. That are posted up there? That are posted up there. Smart. It's one little sliver. You got to go there. The Mounties are going to get you. My opinion of the casserole is that the best way to reheat mashed potatoes is frying them. Oh. Take a bunch of butter in the frying pan.

Slap them in there. Get a nice crust on one side. Give it a flip. Get a nice crust on the outside. Do it in the morning with a side of sausage. Best breakfast you can come up with for mashed potatoes there. Nice crisp gives it some texture, and they get nice and warm and throw some extra butter in there. Great breakfast.

So I think this is just changing the shape and changing the actual... Why are you laughing at me? What? What's so funny? Maggie got the giggle. I'm trying to be serious for five seconds of my life. You're changing the entire product once you are deep frying it like you are. I don't think he's deep frying. He's pan frying. I'm sorry. You're pan frying it into a pancake. You are making a mashed potato pancake.

When you want to reheat mashed potatoes, the best way to do it, in my opinion, is to, this is going to be a little bit fancy, you put it in a bain-marie. This man's frying up potatoes in butter and eating them with sausage for breakfast. You want to break up the bain-marie? I'm going to do it. So you're going to take water, and then you're going to put a bowl over it, and then you're going to put your potatoes in there, and then you're going to reheat it, and then add a little bit of milk, and then get it a little bit loosey-goosey, and you have the most delicious, yummy, warm mashed potatoes. That's how I like to do it. Yes. Yes.

This is changing the form factor of the whole dish. This is no longer mashed potatoes. You're saying this is a repurposing. This is not a reheating. Exactly. Well, I think we should analyze and review. The best way to reheat them, just like microwaves, fine. Oh, yeah. You can also microwave them. Sorry. You can also microwave them. It's the perfect microwavable food. Even you stir it, it's good. Sorry. But this mashed potato pancake, this is something I grew up eating. This is like a very divorced dad breakfast. Yeah.

That I grew up with. Because you guys would go out for dinner the night before. No, we'd like make crappy mashed potatoes. And they were generally instant, right? But the instant ones, you need to do this with like a stodgy, chunky mashed potato. Because the instant ones, if they're too liquidy, and I love generally a loose mashed potato. But they'll just sort of like evaporate into the pan. And then you're trying to flip them and you're trying to keep that crust. You know what I mean? It doesn't exactly work. Yeah.

And so that's never been as successful. If you take potatoes, you add an egg, a little bit of flour to it, you know, then you're frying that. Maybe a little bit of bacon soda gets you a little bit of rise. That sounds good. You know, that's really good. But to me, I've never been successful with a straight mashed potato in the pan. You're going to end up with buttery crusted mashed potatoes that are hot. Which sounds really good. Great. Like there's no way that can go wrong. But I feel like it leaves something to the imagination. Right.

And I think what you're looking for, Sarah, is called a hash brown. Hash brown. Hash browns have perfected. Hash brown. There's no hash brown. But for some reason, hash browns are not a… Cuckoo sabzi. This is cuckoo siebzamini. Cuckoo siebzamini. Why do we…

So funny. We have one more, Maggie? It's a Rosti. One more in the chamber. How many Rostis have you seen Jamie Oliver make? I barely watch Jamie Oliver. You've made some Rostis. I've made some Rostis. I like a Rosti. Why are you talking about Rostis right now? We're talking about potatoes that people eat. Because I was saying that hash browns are not a dinner potato for some reason, despite the fact that they're my favorite preparation of potato. Interesting. And they soak up a stew so well. It's literally potato tadig.

I love potato tattie. Right? That's what a hash brown is. No, it's not. No, it's not. It's a potato tattie. Potato tattie is something so... Potato tattie is the best. You're tattie-ing the potatoes. You know what I mean? Maggie, we're going to start fighting again, so can you just give us one more, please? I can't deal with this. All I want is hash browns. I think brownies are overrated. Yep. If I wanted something fudgy, I'd rather just have good fudge. Yep. And if I wanted something cakey, then I would just rather a really good chocolate cake. Preach. Brownies just kind of... Yeah. Yeah.

Bang. I feel the exact same way you and I would be friends. What? I thought about that so specifically recently because I ate really good fudge from the Jersey Shore. You know, and I got the little pistachio fudge. I like the maple fudge with the walnuts. I like maple fudge. Maple fudge is good. I like a classic chocolate fudge. You know, it's all good to me.

And I ate that and I said, I never need to eat a brownie again. No way. This is satisfying what I want. Chili, chocolate, bang, bang. The thing about fudge is they use condensed milk a lot. There's a lot of stuff in fudge. Huh? There's a lot of stuff in fudge. No, it's typically sugar, cocoa powder, chocolate, and condensed milk or something to make fudge.

No? Is there not like gelatin? No? Some people can use gelatin, but I haven't. Isn't it like corn syrup heated up to a certain temp? Maybe. Maybe. Yes, yes, yes. I've never made fudge from scratch. Come to think of it. I've made fudge a few times from scratch. And all the recipes I've used use condensed milk. So let me tell you, I will say they always end up tasting like condensed milk, which I love condensed milk. It's a delicious flavor. It's like malty, sugary, sweet, milky goodness. I love it so much. But brownies? Yes.

Oh, my God. Like, chewing into a beautifully curated brownie that's, like, exactly to your, like...

to your preferences. Like, if you're a fudgy person, if you like nuts, if you like chocolate chips, if you like that shiny, like, you can, like, you can make your own perfect brownie and when you eat that perfect brownie, wow, it is such an experience. But for fudge, I feel like fudge is the same anywhere you get it. Like, Kelly's fudge or at the pier or, like, your grandma's. Like, all fudge is the same. Brownie allows for so much curation and so much individuality and so much delicious choice and preferences that

I love brownies so much more. And if I was at a crossroads of fudge versus brownies, I would always go towards the brownies. What about brownie versus cake? Oh, those are so different. Like chocolate cake versus brownies? But you can get brownies. So if you have fudge and cake on ends of the spectrum...

Brownies. If you consider fudge to be like, because most fudge is fudge. Most cakes are cakes. You know what I mean? Yes, correct. It's not a lot of equivocation. Let's say that's the bottom 10%, the top 10% of this bell curve here. The middle 80 is brownies of all.

all different cakiness and fudginess. Well, yeah, exactly. You can determine if you want to cake your fudgy brownie. You can determine that. But all I want are the ends. I either want something dense as a neutron star or something light as a little chiffon cake. No way. Once you're in that middle 80%, one, I'd rather have a fudgy brownie than a cakey brownie for sure. A cakey brownie is just like a kind of dense bad cake to me. A fudgy brownie is just like, well, you took a half measure to fudge.

didn't go all the way. I either want pure fudge or pure cake, not a fudgy brownie or cakey brownie. I want a delicious brownie that is made to my preferences, that is just gooey and fudgy. And when I bite it, I want there to be almost like a resistance. You know, I love that. With fudge, it's too hard. Like fudge, it's like too much. Yeah. But with brownie, like you can have that resistance, but it's still pleasant going down. When you have too many squares of fudge, you feel sick.

Yeah. Then you got to eat more fudge at it. You got to push. The only way out of the fudge storm is through the fudge storm. That's what I always say. That's what I live my life by. I disagree. I think brownies are a marvel from the baking community. I love it so much. And I haven't had a brownie in so long. I'm going to eat a brownie later and I'm going to be so...

I love blondies, so I'm just a hypocrite here. Oh my god, I love blondies more than brownies. Like a brown butter, walnut or pecan, caramel blondie, or just a normal ass blondie. I love that. So I love the texture, but I think when it comes to chocolate, either cake or fudge. Do you like Brookies?

I hate brookies. Yeah, dig. Things that shouldn't be combined. You know, give me a good cookie. Yeah. Don't put a whole brownie on it. Yeah, I don't like brookies. No. Sometimes, though, I like the whole, um, the Oreos. It was like bacon. What's the thing where they just bake an Oreo inside cookie dough? A good time? Hey, yes it is, baby.

Well, that about wraps it up for us over here at KRQ7, the number six radio station all of River Falls, Virginia. Make sure to go out and support today's sponsors, Celebrity Deli and Pepsi. Thank you so much for stopping by. Like I said, we got new episodes every Wednesday on audio platforms, every Sunday out here on the YouTube. That's right. And if you want to be featured on Opinions or like House Rules, then here are Sultry Sexy Voices.

Give us a little call at 833-DOG-POD-1. The number again is 833-DOG-POD-1. And if you want to find Nicole and I on a Friday night, go down to the Cheesecake Factory Marina Del Rey. We'll be posted up all night. Yeah. And then we're going to go on the swings outside because there's a swing set outside. Really? We can play on the swing set. That sounds so fun. At Mother's Beach. Me throwing up my French dip sliders.

Oh my gosh, I forgot to tell them about the pizza I used to get when I was little. No, you have the floor. You're here. When I was little, I used to get a pizza and then I would take french fries and I would shove the french fries within the pizza so they were almost like fossils in the ground. Like I would push them in like this. It was so good. I made french fry pizza when I was like 10. Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing.