AEE 2381: Listen Today - No Pressure!
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This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2381. Listen today. No pressure.

Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection. With your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Colorado.

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Sometimes in English, we want to invite someone to do something social, but we know that their lives are busy. What can we say to make them feel more comfortable with saying no in these situations? Listen in today.

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Save up to $50 before March 30th and get a free bonus course. Go to allearsenglish.com slash B2. That's allearsenglish.com slash letter B number two. Hello, Michelle. How are you today? How's it going? I'm good, Lindsay. Lindsay, do you want to go fly out to me for my birthday and visit me?

Michelle, I would love to. I got to check my calendar though. Oh, okay. Well, you know, no pressure, no pressure. Okay. It's not my birthday, but you know, it'd be nice to see you next year. Next year. Right. November. Yes. No, December, December. Oh, I always screw up your birthday, but I'll be ready. I've done it to you too. I texted Lindsay, Lindsay a month early for her. Yeah. Oh,

Today we're going to talk about a common way to tell someone not to stress about something. And I already said it, Lindsay, did you catch it? I did. You said no pressure. So you asked me kind of a direct question, right? Which, you know, almost like the feeling like you were waiting for me to say, yes, I'll come visit. Right. But then you said no pressure, no pressure. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, this is really common. I definitely use this. Michelle, when do you use this? What kinds of scenarios? Oh, well, yeah. I mean, I actually just had someone text it to me yesterday and then I realized I texted it to someone else. Interesting. And

And I even since planning this, I realized Dan texted me yesterday and used no pressure. He was asking if I could help him with something, but I wasn't able to. And he had said no pressure. So to me, I think it's used often when you make some sort of invitation or request of someone, but you want them to know that they shouldn't stress if they can't do it. So we're going to get more into this.

There's some other ways to say this too that are really good that I can think of. So I'm excited for today's episode. It's a matter of knowing. I think frequently for me, it's used when we don't know people as well. I mean, maybe that's not your experience because your examples are more closer people. But we'll get into it. But first, we want to make a request, a direct request to our listeners, which is guys, hit the follow button. But Michelle, what do we want to say? No pressure. No pressure.

But if you do go ahead and hit the follow button right now, guys, you will make sure that All Ears English drops into your listening queue five days a week. So you won't have to go searching for us. You won't miss any bonus episodes, which are super important to get that extra English, right? So go ahead and hit the follow button. But like Michelle said, no pressure. No pressure. No pressure. All right. So...

my friend texted me. So this is the example from the other day. She said, so I was at an event and then she texted me, do you want to come over after your event? No pressure. So he,

yeah what what does this mean I mean why would she say this what was she doing well she wants you to come over she wants to see you but she's kind of backing off from her invitation a little bit so that you don't feel pressure so that you don't feel like you have to go it's it's that's why I said it's often used when maybe we don't know someone quite as well where maybe we're a little afraid of

making them feel uncomfortable or maybe afraid that you would come and you don't want to come there's all these emotions and feelings and thoughts that if we're feeling a little insecure or something in that moment no pressure is useful for that right it really is you might realize that it's a little push for someone and you or maybe you don't want to seem too over eager so like for

My friend, she knew I was out. It was kind of late. It was like, you know, I was out at this event. I mean, I didn't see her message until an hour later, but it was 830 or 845 when she sent this. And so, you know, it's night and people might be getting tired. So she realized, OK, this might be a push. Right.

So let's just say no pressure. And I did feel good that she included a no pressure in there. You do kind of feel good on the receiving end of a no pressure. I think so too, especially your life circumstances. If you have kids, a busy life, right? Someone might be more likely to say that because they don't want to push you into doing something that you feel uncomfortable doing.

that your family's waiting for you, right? Something like that. Right. It gives you an out. And so that's going to, and what does that mean? Something gives you an out. It gives you an out. It gives you an, I don't want to say excuse, but it makes it easier for you to say, oh no, I'm busy tonight. I have to meet my family or something like that. Right, right, right. It kind of, yeah, it backs off. And I just, I think it's really very useful. I mean, Lindsay, what about at work? Do you think you would use no pressure at work?

I mean, it depends on your position and what you're asking someone to do. It depends. Like, are we colleague to colleague? Are we colleague? Are we like manager to direct report? Right. And what are the expectations of the job? If it's a colleague asking another colleague for help on something, right, that's just a way of being a team player. I could see someone saying that, right, Michelle?

michelle maybe you're trying to figure out how to do something in our software and you ask aubry oh could you help me out with this but no pressure i could see maybe don't you think right maybe i could see i could see um definitely i wouldn't use it all the time and i don't think i would use it with your boss um yeah yeah yeah i don't know um

But so you could potentially use it at work, but let's do some examples of how this would be used in other ways. - Okay, here's an example. Oh, and Petey hasn't been out in a few hours. If you wouldn't mind taking him out real fast, no pressure, I'll be home in half an hour.

Okay. So basically I'm saying the dog needs to go out. Could you take him out? You're asking, could you please take him out? But then you're saying you don't have to because I'll be home in half an hour or it's okay if you don't. It's a little confusing, right? If you think about it. It's like you're asking someone, but you're saying, all right, you don't have to. So like, I mean, you would hope that the person on the other end would take your request seriously and maybe just do you a solid. And

Yeah. And let the dog out. But by the way, Petey is the name of my childhood dog. Oh, that's a really cute name. That's a cute name for a dog. Yeah. So, um, but yeah, it's saying, oh, it's okay if you can't. I know it's probably, uh, you know, a lot for me to ask of you to let the dog out, but I'll be home. But if you really want to help me out, then yeah. Yes.

And the next one, I like this example because this is an area where we definitely might use it inviting people on vacations.

It's a big deal, right? Especially if you are, your family's going and you're inviting maybe a partner, a new partner to come, right? Yep. Um, but you don't want them to feel that sense of, I have to go. So for example, I have pressure. Yeah. Yeah. Relationship pressure. I'm thinking of going on a family cruise. If you want to come next year, no pressure. I know you don't get that much time off. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

Or here's one at work. We should probably have this report done by the 15th. No pressure. I'm here to help. Yeah, and that's probably a little It's not confusing. It's good. That's probably good management, right? Being clear about the deadline But then saying, you know, you're willing to help to get to get people to that deadline. What's another one Michelle? All right. We are heading out for dinner in a few if you want to join no pressure. Mm-hmm

Mm-hmm. Nice. Like these examples, right? Very common scenario. So inviting someone on a vacation where it might be a big step in the relationship, taking care of someone's dog. These are all kind of impositions a little bit, right? Mm-hmm. Yep.

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Okay. So, Michelle, how do you feel if someone says no pressure to you? Yeah, I do feel that I do feel more like, okay, I can get out or say no. And it's okay. This person is expecting it might not be a good thing for me. And I might say no. So I think it's helpful and nice. It makes you feel less guilty. Do you ever do something because you feel guilty saying no? Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. Take an invitation to go somewhere out of obligation and you can become resentful, right? Yeah. Well, you're at the movies with the person or whatever it is that you're doing, inviting, being invited to do, maybe you feel like you've been pressured into doing it. So it is good.

I think for people that are really close to us, it's okay not to say it. You know, it's okay to ask for what you need, I think. Right. And of course, you don't want to say this. You don't want to say this every time you invite somebody to something. Yeah, that'd be weird. You're the no pressure person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No pressure. And it's almost like cutting yourself down. Like, oh, I don't think anybody will ever want to go with me.

Oh my gosh. No, that's exactly right. Cause you're hedging. You're assuming that they have, it's kind of like you're saying, I know you have other things that are equally important, if not more important. Right. So really save this for what you truly have thought about it. And I like the word Lindsay use. That's going to be a key word for today in position, right? Really save it for when it's something a little bit, it, it,

It's late. It's your vacation time. It's your, it's, it's a task. You're asking a friend to do a favor, something a little bit different. Don't, you don't have to use it every time you invite somebody to lunch.

Exactly. Exactly. There's something I really like about being direct and earnest. You know, when you do invite people out, you're looking to make a new friend, right? Or you're building a relationship with someone. There's something very endearing about just being direct. Would you like to join me for dinner next week? Nothing else. Simple, straightforward. You're confident enough to say, to be okay if they say no, right? Instead of having to add something.

But if you know your friend is in the middle of a busy time at work, right, then it shows that extra knowledge, right? So then it's not just, oh, it's different.

different when you're showing the knowledge that something might be tricky for somebody versus putting yourself down and saying, no pressure. I know you might not want to hang out with me, right? A hundred percent. You know, that friend's life scenario, maybe they just had a new baby, for example, they have kids, they have a family. Maybe like you said, things are busy at work and you could add that on to your invite. You could say, oh, I'd love to get dinner with you, but no pressure. I know it's a busy week at work. You have that deadline coming up. Exactly right. You can be more specific or,

or even like you said, your friend just had a new baby and you want to, you'd love to come meet the baby. Oh, like, are you up for visitors yet? No pressure. Right. That one, especially that one, especially because you're kind of inviting yourself over, which is great, which is awesome. I love that. Um, but that one, we really do for sure need that because you're basically, yeah, like I said, inviting yourself over to their home. Yes, yes, exactly. So let's talk

about some other things you could say. The first one is whatever or whenever works for you. So come over for dinner if you want, really, whatever works for you. Nice. Or no stress or no worries. Yeah, that's the one I was thinking. Let's aim to get this out by Tuesday. No stress. We'll work together.

Okay. And I hear a lot. I hear the phrase, if you know, would you like to have dinner? If not, no worries. If not, that's a good one. If not, no worries. Yep. Very casual, but common. Yeah. Yeah. So just consider when you use this. I mean, are you good about saying no, if you just don't want to do something?

I'm okay. I'm okay. I think I've gotten better over the years, right? As I don't feel like I need to give into social pressure quite as much as I did in my twenties or my teens. But there's still moments, you know, like if there's a family dinner with my extended family and I'm really busy that evening and we have to drive an hour to get there. It's like a Wednesday night, you know? Yeah.

That could lead to challenges for me. So I'm always glad to hear the no pressure. Yeah, it makes me think of that. There's an episode of Friends. I think it might even be the first episode. I'm not sure. But somebody says to Phoebe, oh, do you want to help us move? And she said, oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to. Yeah.

- Phoebe is so good. - Yeah, and it's just like, that's what we wish we could say sometimes, but that's why it's so funny is 'cause it was so direct and nobody says things like that. - That is so good. Yep, no one says it. I love it. That's a great example. - Michelle, let's dive into a little role play. - Here we are planning a party, a partay. Here we go. - All right, so, okay. So should we put together the goodie bags at my place or on the morning of?

Oh, wait, sorry. Sorry. Nope. I messed up. Let me take you. You can start over. All right. Okay, so should we put together the goodie bags together at my place on the morning of no pressure? I can do them myself too. Oh, no, that's fine. Michelle, do you want to fill out the invitations with me? Of course. Great. Whenever works for you. I'm here all afternoon. Perfect. Do you want to grab lunch?

No worries. If you can't, I'll bring something over. Oh, sounds great. Thanks. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. So we don't know why I was hesitating. Maybe I don't want to spend the money. Maybe I don't want to go outside cause it's cold outside. I don't know, but let's go through this. I could hear it. Yeah. All right. We'll get to it. So I said, um, so I'm asking you if we should do the goodie bags together. Um,

on the morning of the party. And then I said, no pressure. I can do them myself too. So I'm understanding that that may be an imposition. Maybe I know that you're, you might be busy that morning. You have a lot of other things to care, to take care of with the party. So yeah, no pressure. Hmm.

And I think it's a good practice to follow up no pressure with something else. Like I said before, you have a busy week at work or no pressure. I can do them myself too. Right. Or you're saying, essentially you're saying, alternatively, I can just do it myself. I can do the goody bags myself. Right. Exactly. Exactly. And then...

you said do you want to fill out the invitations with me and i said of course and then i said great whenever works for you i'm here all afternoon so this means that you'll have to come to my house so i'm just saying anytime i'm flexible in terms of when you come right yep yes and then um

I said, do you want to grab lunch? And you kind of hesitated and I picked up on that. So I said, Oh, no worries. If you can't, I'll bring something over. So no worries. A big part of connecting in English is hearing the what's behind the words. Like we've said in past episodes that we've recorded today, right? Hearing what's behind the word. So they don't have to say it. So they don't have to say no. You, you,

inserted yourself in there and you said, oh, you said, no worries if you can't. I'll bring something over. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. That's really huge. Once you get to get to that level of comfort with English, I think it'll really make a big difference where you're realizing these nuances, these tones of voice and how you can kind of get it. You can kind of tell what people are thinking and use English to move past it.

Yes, that's huge. And there is another episode that our listeners, you guys can go over to 2375, just a few episodes back. And the title is, it's about connection after all. I love that title. And I love the episode because we talked about how to use after all. So good and so important. Right, Michelle? Yes. Definitely. Oh,

All right, oh my gosh. This has been a lot of fun today, Lindsay. What's the takeaway for today before we let our listeners go? - Yeah, I think it really matters. Again, letting, well, first of all,

what's your position with this person? How well do you know them? And what is the context of their life, right? That's what really matters. What is going on today for them when you invite them to do something and taking that into account in your invitation is huge for connection. Huge. Absolutely. All right. Well, this has been fun. Always fun with you, Lindsay. And guys, thank you for listening and we'll see you next time. All right, Michelle. Talk soon. Bye. All right. Bye.

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