729. Why Singlehood Will SUPERCHARGE Your Spiritual Growth with Sahara Rose
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Welcome to the Almost 30 Podcast. I'm Lindsay. And I'm Krista. And we're your hosts, guides, and friends on this path. Almost 30 is not about your age. It's about the feeling. All of us are almost something, seeking community and resources to support the rumblings of transformation within us. Our conversations are deep dives, shepherded by our insatiable curiosity and desire for connection, enduring inspiration, and a sense of levity that we can all benefit from.

from. We're looking to find the magic in the human experience. Buckle up, baby. Your evolution is waiting.

Hello and welcome. You are now tuned into Almost 30 Podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Lindsay and Krista, best friends. We're here together in LA. Welcome. If you're on the tube, hi. Welcome on the tube. Welcome wherever you're listening. I'm so grateful you're here. We are about to be authors. We are about to be authors.

In the next year. And you guys, we just got our book cover. It's so fucking funny. It's just like perfectionist stand up, high achiever stand up, type A, standing Virgo sun, stand up. So we get it and we open it and me and Lindsay are like...

We were like, oh my gosh. Yeah, I was like, wow. I had tears because I thought when I was opening, I had tears because it is such a beautiful thing. And then I saw it and I was like, this dried up. Yep. I was like, this needs to be changed. This is kind of weird. This needs to be edited. Yeah.

Yeah, it's such a... I wanted to have an Instagrammable crying moment for y'all, but I just... And she said, should we do another one more emotion? I'm like, I don't know if I have what you need right now. I don't know. Honestly, I was like, should we give them more of our... But I couldn't. I was like, this needs to be fixed. Yeah. It's just such a process. And I think when you kind of blend this, like the creative and the visual parts of us that have like such a vision with like...

you know, marketing and books being on a shelf and what that means and like how it fits within the space of, you know, authors of the time. It's just,

it's so much more layered and we don't care. We're just like, we just want the cover that we want. So we will not rest until we get it. And they've been amazing in just turning around different edits for us. But yeah. Our publisher's been great. Yeah. They've been awesome. I think also too, I got liberated by talking to our friend Amber Ray, who has a book coming out next year, August with our same publisher. And she's like, yeah, I did like 28 edits.

She's like, my book is about no longer being the good girl and being free. And she's like, and I'm living that truth. She's like, if you do not let me be free. No, 100%. She's like, I'm asking for what I want. I need to get. And I just like, this is the thing. I'm like, if you want excellence, you really have to go outside your comfort zone, ask for what you want, push for what you desire. And I think what's hard with this is that we won't know until we see it. Yeah. Yeah.

So we could think we want one thing, but then we have to see it actually on the cover with the background. And then we can kind of go from there. But yeah. I mean, it was just so funny. I was like, God, I wish I could like have my dog come in the shot. My dog's like excited. Licking your tears. Yeah, just like, oh my God, I'm on the floor. I'm like, I've been grueling at this. And I'm like, something's amiss. Something's a little off. I'm like that gold fleck going through the M is just...

But I could cry for everyone else's success. I like cry all the time for all my friends' success. I'm like so emotional. I weep over their thing. And then my stuff, I'm like, okay. I think because when you live it, the excitement isn't your, you know, I'm grateful, but. I think also like, you know, something people or at least no one told me about with the book process is that

So many things are about to happen at once. And so our brains are kind of thinking about

Okay. So we're going to do the book slash cover reveal soon. And we have to do the marketing for that, the social for that, the da da da, like kind of all of these pieces outside of the actual just writing of the book, releasing the book, being the authors, having a great time on tour. It's like, there's so many aspects of this process that are happening simultaneously that actually bring me out of these moments where, you know, I could be a little bit more emotional where I'm like,

oh God, we got to film this. We got to do this. A hundred percent. I'm like, my to-do list is too long and too daunting for me to be emotional. Like, no, this isn't right. Need to fix. Like, I knew I was actually thinking about that. I was like the spaciousness of my brain to be creative or like to be like, whoa, what about this? Like, dude, I am tight leash with my brain lately, what I'm doing, you know, which is fine, but it's like,

Yeah, I would love the spaciousness to be like, what do I think for the cover? Yeah. I'm going to go on a four-hour walk and just like download the cover. Well, my like decision-making style, I need – give me options. Yeah, very different options so I can react to it and like whatever. But we'll get there. We'll get there. We got time. We just sent a voice note to our agent. We're like, hey. Yeah.

She's like, God damn it. I was like, happy Monday. We just got it. Start with a compliment. Yeah, literally. I was like, do the sandwich. I was like, oh man, we're really feels great to have the book in our hands. And we have some thoughts. So yeah, that's the true life behind the book process. Yeah. Which I think people can relate to.

Yeah. And I think we'll hopefully make y'all excited to see the cover. I know. I hope you guys really like it. I want to be so crystal clear on it. I want to be so jazzed on it. I want to be just like, yeah, the part that we're changing didn't really sit with me earlier, but I was like, okay, I could get down. And now I'm like, no, I can't get down with it. I thought I could, but I can't. And I should have spoken up earlier, to be honest. That's my thing. I thought I'd be fine, but I'm not.

Yeah, I think my thing is like I can see both. Yeah. For different reasons. Yeah. So I want to see both. We just didn't see that option. Yeah. Yeah. The other option that we're going to do. Yeah. Speak your truth. Speak your mind. Be annoying. We're seeing for you. Be annoying. Go back a billion times. Ask for what you want. Well, the last thing on this is like...

You people on the other side of this will kind of be happy when you're happy, too. So you do have to push. Yeah. You know, and I think this goes with anything. I think like when it's yours and something that you are creating and pushing for.

you kind of set the tone. Yeah. So, yeah. I think it's all in the way you ask about it and for it. You know, if you ask kindly and it's just like, hey, we're working collaboratively to figure this out. I also just, I'm at a point where it doesn't bother me if someone's annoyed with me. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, of course. That makes sense to me. Thanks for your help. I don't really care, you know, so. But yeah, I wish I would have spoken up earlier and kind of gotten

gotten that. But, and it's just such a big thing. It's like, this is the cover. This is just not, for how quick things have moved. I'm just like, how is this like, for how quickly we had to write the book, which first of all, our publisher's amazing. Agent Angel, like dream, dream deal, dream everything. And writing it, it's like, wait, this is like my legacy. And I have to write it in six months. And this is like my, the cover's my legacy. And

And I have to like tell you guys in a week, what? Give me, let me ruminate for a season. Yeah. I've told anyone that I'm like working with creatively lately. I'm like, just so you know, my turnaround time is not going to be 48 hours. For sure. Because I'm like, I want to sit with it. And I like inevitably either my mind changes or I get another idea or I'm inspired by something or whatever. And I'm

I just, I can't be pushed with like certain deadlines or if people are just like, no, we got to turn this around. Yeah. Even another deadline we have right now. I'm like, why are we having, why is there a 48 hour deadline? Like, shut up.

Dude, like, do you want me to like, like this or not? I know. Like, I need to ask my 12 friends. Yeah. I need to send this to everybody I know. Yeah, literally. I'm like, we're not going till next Tuesday. Which is when I don't really, that's the clear sign that I don't have clarity on it as if I'm sending it to a bunch of people. You know, because I'm like, okay, there's something off if I'm asking for everyone's opinion, because there's a lot that I don't ask for opinions. And that's usually when it's like,

clear and I think new stuff is easier to not have opinions on but like stuff that you're updating or I don't know yeah I get too confused with other people's opinions sometimes oh for sure like it's too much yeah for sure for sure certain things I do certain things I don't yeah stuff I'm tender about I don't need people's opinions stuff I'm like not tender about I'm like whatever yeah I'm like this is helpful yeah you know this is clearly um

So today on the podcast, me and my girl Sahara, I've been wanting to do this episode for so long. So you guys. When was the last time you sat down with her? You guys. Okay. So I got divorced. He moved out in January 2022. Huh? My sister, Sahara, I was already in my trial separation when Sahara...

decided on her divorce in December 2021. So I was in my trial separation. She was like at the beginning of her. So we were both going through our process at the same time, pretty much. I had started because I was in a trial separation, which basically was like us living apart for a certain amount of time to see and work on ourselves and see if we could get out of the patterns that we were in and see if there was a way to salvage the relationship. Yeah.

Um, we made it up. I don't know if that, that thing exists. I don't know if a trial separation exists, but it really was something that helped, I think, bring and clarify the truth. So if anyone wants to do that. And then, so we were on the same time. And then I think we honestly recorded in March of 2021. Um,

Okay. So two months after, like the bed was still warm. I thought it was, wait, you said 2020. I just want to make sure. Oh no, 2022. Sorry. Okay. 22. Cause I got married in 2021. Yeah. Okay. Got it. I think, what year is it? I think it was 2022. Wait. So it'll be two years. 2023.

So her divorce is December 2022. Okay, yes. And then you're, okay, 2023. And then he moved out in 2023. Okay, okay. Thank you. Okay, because I've only been separated or we've only been divorced for like a year and some change. Uh-huh. Whoa, which feels like forever. Or it'll be like move out will be a year in January. Yes. Okay, got it. Okay, wow. Just forget everything I just said about my divorce. You guys just join me on this journey. So basically, two months after Sahara...

Two months after Justin moved out and a few months after Sahara decided she was getting divorced, we recorded. And you guys, this episode is so – it never went out. It was so unhinged. It was the most unhinged thing. Like I can't – like it was like, well, yeah, what are you looking for in a person? It's like, what is this?

It's like girls kiki-ing, but also like totally not integrated in what just happened. Deep in grief and like being like, yeah, so like I'm looking for a man that's like this. And yeah, I feel like I'm ready. Like, and I was like, I'm spiritually claimed by someone right now. Cause there was some dude, you do die. There was someone in my field and I was literally like, I'm, I'm like technically spiritually claimed.

I was like, you know, it's just a matter of time. And I was like, I kind of feel bad because probably by like May, I'll be with him. And then like later this year, I'll be pregnant and like, you know, we'll probably be married. We need to listen to him. We should probably bring clips. Like we could do a reaction. Then Sahara's like, okay, I went to Bali and I learned this like spell. And she was talking about her crush that she had. And I was talking about my crush that I had. And our crushes are like...

You know who this person is. Hers was, like, kind of similar vein. Okay. Insane. Fat shit. And now people want to hear that. Oh, girls. I mean, we should get it. It was like, yeah. Like, it was just, like, a bunch of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Okay, yeah. So this is, like, what I'm thinking. Like, you know, like, just...

No idea what we're talking about. Did you and Sahara ever come together and were like, that was unhinged? We can't release that. I think it was for her podcast. Okay. And afterwards she's like, girl, I can't release this. Thank God. Thank the Lord God. She's like, I can't release this. I was like, why? And I had some of the footage at my house. Yeah. Because I think I dropped it to her or something. I watched it and was like, and I've put a lot of episodes out.

And it was just like, I was like, yeah, yeah. Like, so this is like, I need a man that's the end is like, yeah.

It was just, oh my God. Okay. It's almost like you were a chick because I could see like Sahara getting into that thought. I mean, you were kind of channeling her. No, me and her just like being like dumb, dumb bobbleheads and being like so deeply sad and like not on the planet of like what was going on. Yeah, yeah. Like, are you okay? No, literally like...

Like, you know, it's like one chapter closes, another door opens. And, you know, just, and so we, yeah, we were just insane. So basically we wanted to record a new episode now that we've been like a year and a half post, whatever the fricking time is. And just talk about dating, talk about our experience being dating, talk about the lessons that we've learned and really just kiki. Like this is almost like that episode, but like more, if it's not, if that one was unhinged, it is unhinged.

So this is like...

helpful to friends talking, talking about dating in LA, talking about our process. We also talked a lot about like who she is today because she's someone that like every season is someone different. She's making music, she's rapping, she's twerking. She's now like in her healer vibe. She's now really focused on womb awakening and womb clearing. So we talked a lot about that process in her journey and a lot of the spiritual lessons that she's learned along the way and with her journeys and ceremonies and stuff like that.

I talked about some of the things that I've done and learned. So it's just like a really, really fun, high energy episode to listen to, especially if you're single, this is going to be really fun. It's also really fun to just listen and tune into Zahra because she's so knowledgeable and she just goes deep on stuff. So I'm excited for you guys to tap in.

She's so clear too. Every time I hear her talk, I'm like, how did you just bring all of that together? She's the best. So fun. Okay. Girl, she's valuable. I can't wait. I love her. I love her so much. She's like one of those friends too. Everything she does, I love. She's like, hey, I can't do that anymore. I'm going on a date. I'm like, I love you for that.

She's like, I'm going to, hey, I can't make this anymore. I'm going somewhere. I'm like, okay, I love you for that. Okay, I guess everyone. She's making her choices. Owns the choices. She's just on her own shit. This is the thing. If you're like a spiritual being teacher, whatever, all my friends are just doing crazy, random, weird shit. And I just like, I'm like, cool. You're moving to Bhutan. Great. I love you. Have a great time. You know what I mean? You can't like keep track of

Where people that are called to go and what they're being called to do, you just have to trust in their process and just love them for it. Yes. I think that's just in general, like with friends. I think that's like being a friend as an adult. Yeah, true. It's just like, do your thing. As long as it doesn't piss me off. I know. As long as I'm not – I have one friend that might move and I'm kind of bummed about it, but –

Which is – because I'm bummed about it because she – I don't know if she's the best at keeping in touch. So when I have her close, it's fine. But if she's gone –

Yeah. And I'm not really, I'm kind of good with, I'm good if you, I'm good if you're going to reach out to me a lot with keeping in touch, but I'm not always the best anymore. You're good if it's reciprocal. Yeah, I am. I'm good. I'm not as good anymore, but I used to be like queen. Mm-hmm. You can't be always, always, always available. How should we be okay disappointing people? That's our new thing.

So Sahara, this is Sahara Rose. I am Sahara Rose on Instagram, sahararose.com. She has Dharma Coaching School. She has...

spiritual life coaching coming out soon. She has music. She's just the best. So I'm excited for you guys to dig in. We have other episodes with her. You can search Sahara Rose Almost 30. I think we have like three or four over the years. And then maybe if you guys want, we'll bring the other one out of the archives. Maybe me and Sahara could do a reaction episode to it. Hilarious. I think I actually would love to do that. That would be my ideal. So enjoy this one. We'll see you on the other side. Bye, everybody.

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This is the interview that I selfishly have been dreaming of for my whole life. Sahar is one of my best friends and we haven't seen each other in weeks. Months. No. Yeah, girl. And months in our – because I was in Guatemala and then I was two weeks silence in my rose dieta. So it's been like I think maybe almost two months or something. A lifetime. But in our lives, that's like so – girl, I got updates. Her and I have not caught up at all. And –

I've completely shifted yet again. You've completely shifted yet again. But you've more than me. I've shifted a lot. You've shifted way more than me in the past time. But that's my favorite. Since last time I saw you or just this? Okay, yeah. I mean, this whole year has been a hit. This whole year has been crazy. But that's one of my very favorite things about you is that it's just...

you, there's no one else I know that moves as intuitively as you. There's no one else I know that follows their heart more than you. There's no one else I know that's guided by their own internal compass. There's no one else I know that like is in the truth of their experience as much as you are. And you're just a new, and it's such a joy and a pleasure because every time I'm like, what's up right now? Are we twerking? Are we living in silence? Are we like, where are we?

Well, we're about to go there in this episode because this is probably my biggest update I've ever had in my entire life. Okay. Okay. So the last time we saw each other, we were working out at Equinox together. Oh, right. Yeah. And we were talking just about dating and guys and stuff. And I think I knew you had this.

Yes. The Guatemala. The Guatemala. So talk to me about Guatemala. So for those of you who don't know me or don't know a little bit about what has been going on in my life, similarly to Krista, I went through a divorce journey almost two years ago now. And that really rocked my world. It was unexpected. I found out about his infidelity and it was just like,

rug pulled under my feet, what's happening. And I really already was a spiritual person. I had my practice, but this was like a whole other area. And it's interesting because I was always like, my issues came from like my family. I had health challenges, um, childhood, but it was never like relationships, you know, like I was with this person for seven and a half years and it was like a good harmonious relationship. Find out about this infidelity and it's like

like death, you know, and really threw me into the abyss and really threw me into the deepest unknown of not only having to like move out of my place, but like figuring out where I'm going to live. And I took it as the opportunity to just do all of the healing work I would have never done without this. So from inner child healing, ancestral healing, somatics,

Ayahuasca, San Pedro, you know, so many different journeys within myself. And I would say the first like six months was like deep, deep shadow work. Like really like getting to know. And for both of us, delusion. Delusion. Insanity. Limerence. Yeah. We recorded an episode maybe three months after both of ours. Which we never aired. Which we never aired because you guys, it was not well. Unhinged. Unhinged.

on Inch and on Well. I was messaging my friend the other day, Victoria, and I was like, remember when like we were two months post breakup and we were like, we're spiritually claimed right now. We're going to be married in a month. Even with us, we were like, dude, we're going to, and no, God is like. We had these crazy celebrity crushes. Girl. And we were like, they were our guys. How many psychics I've literally had look at our chart.

Oh, my God. Anyway, I found out my celebrity crush had who mine's wasn't really a celeb. He's kind of a celebrity, but I have a bit of celebrity. It was not a celebrity. But it turns out he has a almost two year old baby. So this holds a tiny baby and was liking my Instagram stories. So stop. Mine is just like.

Mine was very weird. Yes. Mine was very weird. And there was a lot of very weird synchronicities and coincidences. So it was almost just making me insane. You know what? I've noticed now talking to so many women who've gone through divorces or long-term breakups, it's like the brain does this thing that you get obsessed with this unattainable guy because it gives you this sense of like,

hope of this whole painful thing will all be worth it if I end up with this person. And you're just in so much pain that the fantasy makes you feel good. It's like a high, it's an escape. And I think the brain just like find someone to project all this love that we is displaced love onto, which is why, and that's what limerence really is. And, but then like after a point, I was like, I can't even think anymore. All I'm thinking about is this person that we never met. Yeah.

I remember one time I got a text from you. You're like, had a crush for a day. Now back to baseline living. I know because then it was so interesting because it was like having a crush at first gives you a pep in your step. You know, you have like something to dress for. You're excited about something. But then after a while, it's like,

It's too much. Too much. It's too much. And then finally, when I start to get the ick a little bit, I'm happy. Yeah. Because I'm like, I got my brain back. I can get back to fucking work. Girl, I'm like, I can't have a job and a crush at the same time. No way. There's no way I would have built my business if I were single because I get too obsessed with guys until this point, which we'll bring the conversation to. Okay, so in the limerence, in the dark night of the soul, you're like,

And start traveling, start making music. You know, that took me on a whole journey of learning how to produce. And then I'm like singing and rapping and launched an album called My Body is an Altar and moved back to L.A. after a year of traveling. And so this first year was like really like

almost like my response of like everything I was not able to do or even allowed to do in the marriage. I was with an Arab guy who they're just kind of restrictive on you, right? So I'm like, I can like finally post what I want. I can, you know, all of these different things. But then after a year, I was just like, okay, like I kind of just want to

Yeah.

and showed me all of the ways. And I've seen this too. And I'm curious if that happened with you of like, when you've been in a long-term relationship, you weren't dating for all of those years. So when you become single, you almost go back to all those ages that you didn't date. Wow. And so I was at first like the limerence crush.

That's like a 24-year-old would do, right? And even the guys I would choose were so guys who could not meet me, but it was almost like I just felt like I needed these experiences. And it wasn't until really sitting in that initiation that was like, okay, do you want to just...

have experiences for the rest of your life? Or do you actually want depth? And showing me all of the ways that like all of us in our culture, we still operate as girls. Like we say we want a king, but we're still operating as like princesses waiting to be saved, waiting to be chosen, waiting to be out of the misery of being single to find a man to give us that direction and solidity and grounding. So that was like a huge initiation of

huge thing into, into motherhood. You know, I didn't even like, I wanted to have kids, but then when I was married, I was like, I don't even know if I want to have kids. So much could go wrong. You were always kind of like, I don't know. Yeah. And then, and I was like, and then after I got divorced, maybe I'm just not meant to have kids, you know, but what it really, it introduced me to my future children. It was the most profound love I have ever experienced. And that again, shifted like who I want to date of like, would I want you to be the father of my children? Yeah.

And so I went really deep into the mother frequency. I got my second dog. And, but then I almost like lost my, I went so deep into that, that I was just like, I don't really know if I want to stay here. Started dating someone that was like definitely more like a past life mom and dad. And it just got really like boring really fast. And it was just still not in alignment. And that's very youthful.

That relationship. Okay. You guys were very youthful together. Interesting. Well, it was like we were being parents. Like he asked me. Yeah, I was like kids with parents. I don't know how to describe it. Yeah, I don't. I mean. Because you guys had a lot of play. I guess so. Like, I don't know. I always felt like him and I were like almost like a mom and a dad and it was like around like the dogs. Yeah. Right? And but-

On a core level, I would say that even that and think, and I'll tie this into like some other things, but that was like a very like short lived, like I've noticed my things were like, I would go really deep, but like kind of like see the thing that was missing and like very quickly they would go on. And I'm like, thank God is because instead of that being six months of my life or two years of my life, they go by really fast. But in the moment you're like, why is nothing working? And now looking back on it, I'm like better just like learn the lesson sooner than later. Yeah.

So then flash forward to this past month, I went to Guatemala. And in Guatemala, I was intending to do this womb training like two years ago, but it didn't end up happening. So right now it was the time. And you're actually working on massaging your stomach and moving your womb, so your uterus back into place.

And for like a huge percentage of women, our uteruses are prolapsed, even though we don't know, even if we're young or tipped, which leads to like hormonal imbalances, all these kinds of issues. So my uterus was like way too low and I would have never known that. And I feel like psychosomatically it was because I pushed away the idea of being a mother that it literally pushed down my womb. So you're literally learning and receiving from these indigenous elders, um,

this massage to bring your womb up into place and bring your heart of your stomach down. So they're like in, in your full power, right? Your heart and your, your womb. And that was a huge, just womb reawakening of just how sacred our wombs are, how much we hold onto things in our womb, how much our wombs really are a hologram that remember everything, everyone we've ever been with and really brings things forward and

honestly was just as profound as sitting with any kind of plant medicine. And then I met a woman there who does these things called dietas. So dietas are, you work with a plant. So I was working with the rose, hence why I'm wearing this rose right now.

And so you essentially make an agreement with the plant. Like I'm going to be working only with you and you're eating really like bland foods. You're mostly in silence. You're not hanging out with people. You're not really working. And you're like, so I'm meditating on the rose. I'm taking rose tea, rose tinctures, like roses all over my place, thinking about the rose. And at first I was like, what is this going to do? Like I just thinking about a flower, like I don't really get it. Girl, it was crazy. Like the moment I did the opening ceremony for it,

The quality of my thoughts was so different. And it was like all of these teachings, like the first thing it told me was like, notice how roses, we reveal ourselves petal by petal. But if you try to open up the rose at once, it loses its beauty. And it's like, trust our process. Stop trying to jump ahead. If you want to take the beauty path, let it unveil.

And then a lot around boundaries. Yeah. Right? Because the rose has its thorns and, you know, and it needs to hold and protect itself. And it showed me, and I would have considered myself someone that had boundaries, I would say. I would say, yeah. But it showed me, for me, it was just a lot of energy leakage. Yeah. Especially for me around voice noting people. Yeah. My sister in Christ, she, you would, it was a delight and a pleasure to receive your voice notes, but they were

A journey. Yes. Every voice note was an ayahuasca experience. They would be 11 minutes long.

And you are so smart and you're so mental. And I have one of my other friends, Olivia, is like that. You guys are both so genius level that it wasn't just anything to listen to your voice notes. It's like you are listening to a genius process life. And then I realized this profound thing and profound thing. It's not like, it's not casual. Yeah. So I would send those, but it made me realize that like, I love connection. Yeah.

However, when you're sending someone a voice note, and I was telling you this, it's like, I want to see you and be face-to-face because when I'm sending a voice note, you're not there. I'm looking at the road or wherever I am, and I'm kind of just speaking into the abyss. And I'm actually more like reporting than I am being with someone. I'm just reporting instead of like actually like being with that person and seeing their body language and hearing their feedback back and being in conversation. So yeah.

It just made me a lot more mindful of like all of my connections. And I know you went through that just on your own. And I, and I want to hear more about that. And yeah, so, and then I'll share, share the rest and what came from the Rose Dieta later on. But yeah,

doing that, even just being in my apartment, just taking time away from like reporting, from being in conversation, from seeing people, just literally being in my own energy, it shifted my life again, more than anything else. And I,

I'll share some more later on, but led to me making some really big decisions. So I'm curious for you. Yeah. How did you come to the awareness? Because I know you came to the awareness of like just how much time you spent on your phone, watching with friends. How did that happen for you? So I think it was probably in my journey recognizing my codependency.

You know, like I think after my divorce, it was such a beautiful thing that I got to deepen relationships with friends like you and other people, expand my network and friendship. But then I realized that like I was spending so much of my time out of the present moment on my phone in conversation, processing things. And I'm someone that

I'm usually being there for other people. I'm usually holding space for other people. I'm an internal processor. When I need space held for me, it's very specific and it's very rare. And so I was just like fucking processing for everyone and just in everyone else's moments and experiences. And like, even with any of our friends' voice notes, it's like,

I'm very sensitive. I'm an empath. I'm a Pisces. So I don't just listen to voice notes. I'm not just cleaning my kitchen with you talking about this crazy date you went on. Like I'm in the experience. And so I just was like, okay, how is my time being spent? How's my energy being spent?

I came here with a mission. And right now my codependency and desire to be liked, desire to be accepted, desire to be seen as a good friend, to seen as a good person is superseding my own truth and the path that I came here on. And so I just had this thought and feeling of ickiness of always being connected psychically to so many people and being everyone's like

spot for everything. And I'm like, this isn't healthy or helpful. So I just kind of slowly started to reply less, like be less available. I don't think when you do that sort of thing where you're sort of auditing friendships or auditing the way that you are, you need to have conversations with everyone. You can shift your energy and things will shift. So I just was like, I actually no longer am available for 1800 conversations a day, 400 text message conversations. I

50 million voice notes about every single thing. Like I actually need to be in my own work and in my own frequency. So it was just the energetic decision and reckoning with that. And really that was a lot when I was looking at codependency, I'm like, how am I prioritizing everyone else's experience over mine? Right now I feel stressed. I feel overwhelmed. I feel too in touch with people, but I'm doing this because I don't want them to be mad at me or I want them to like me.

So I think for a lot of us women that are natural connectors, we want to be in touch. We want to be liked. We want to be seen as nice. We get fucked because we live in a society and culture where we're constantly connected. And it actually takes advantage of our natural inclination to be connectors as women. So it's actually very dangerous to be a woman in our society.

society and culture that's very attached to our phones because it exacerbates that natural inclination we have to stay connected to one another and to be the social person, to be the one that's maintaining relationships. But it's felt way better. I would say I'm not the best at it still, but I had to do something, you know, to shift that experience. Do you feel like

that shifted after your divorce that you felt like you needed people a lot more because you didn't have that framework? Yeah, for sure. And I felt like, yeah, it was like I needed people more. I felt, I think also too, I was coming out of a situation where I was out of my authenticity in my relationship. I was hiding. I was not being myself. I was in bad dynamics with someone that

made me not be the person that I came here to be. So when I got out of that, I was coming into my authenticity, into my magnetism, into the true essence of who I am. And so there was a magnetism to me too. I think for you too, especially after post-breakup, your heart is open. You're going through stuff. You're available for whatever's happening. You're opening up different timelines.

So I had a lot of magnetism and there was a lot of people being attracted to me. So it was like the divorce, me getting out of old patterns and then also stepping into a different type of magnetism created a situation where I had more people that wanted to hang out with me and be friends with me. I don't know if you felt that.

Yeah. And I feel that we're all of a sudden, so you had someone that you would like eat dinner with and do the things with and all of a sudden that's gone. So I would notice it was almost like I needed to have someone staying with me all the time or somewhere to go. And I was never by myself because when I was by myself, I would get sad. 100%. I was noticing that too where

I was like, babe, whoa, you're never alone with your thoughts or your life. And you're either working or you're voice noting or you're on the phone with someone or someone's over. And I was noticing how I was filling my time with voice notes, phone, work, and I was never letting myself be ever. And it was not good. And this has been...

my greatest teaching past two years being alone. Yeah, girl. My greatest fear, but my greatest teacher. And I feel at first it was like that being alone was like, it felt for me like my arm was chopped off. You know, it was like, I don't even know how to be in this world as like a single person. I'm like, how the fuck did people be single during COVID? Like it made no sense to me, especially when again, it was like, not like I built up my courage for it. It was just like, now it wasn't, it was just, I'm in this world in this new way. Yeah.

And it has been such a journey of like really going into my aloneness of like, what am I so afraid of? What are you afraid of? Well, when I went down, so I would notice that when I would, it was often when I'm overworking. Yep. Girl, working for me has been my cope. Right. So I would be working and then I would feel tired and I would wish that I had a man to hold me.

And I'm like, I would wish I had a man to tell me to stop working. Tell me to stop working. Exactly. Like I have to, I like, I can't stop working. Exactly. Yes. Exactly. And I'm like, now I have to just work all the time. I have to follow you. I'm like on Twitter because they don't have a man to tell me to watch TV with him. Literally, literally. So I would notice, I'm like, I just want a man to hold me. And then I would go into this like,

well, you can't just sit at home thinking you're going to meet someone. You need to take action. Well, we took action. The only action I could take that I knew of was like, go on dating apps.

So then I'm going on these dating apps, literally cringing my body's repulse with everyone I see, you know, especially at the beginning. And this is a funny thing. I feel like all us girls, when we first become single, we're like, I'm looking for fucking God, you know, like he's got to be the six, five blue eyes minus like whatever the thing is for you. And so everyone, you're just like, no, no, no. And then you're even like offended. Like when you see people who liked you, you're like,

You think you have a chance with me? I'm disgusted. I'm repulsed. So then you're feeling just this repulse. And then you're like, I'm never going to meet anyone. And then even you're in the conversation, especially at the beginning, I'm like, I don't even know how to have these conversations. I know. So then I'm screenshotting everything and sending it to like three different people. Oh, you're like, no. And then they're all giving me different advice on what to say. So then I'm like, oh my God, I'm so bad at this. I don't know.

What I'm realizing now is one friend would give the advice that would work for her kind of relationship, another friend for her kind of relationship. And I don't even know what I'm, you know, so then I'm confused. I'm sending the back and forth. Now I'm like, I'm out of my word, but this is actually like way more stressful. It's not making any money. Like it's...

So I started to catch myself of, okay, when I'm feeling that, like I want to be held feeling, I would go to my yoga mat and I would picture like earth holding me and I would hold myself and I would like touch myself the way that I wished a lover would touch me and caress myself. And, you know, often it would lead to tears. It would lead to tenderness of like, why do I have to do this myself? We're not meant to do this on our own. And, you know, and I'm really dropping that like meant, you know, it's like,

we've been in relationships before. It's not like it brings you eternal happiness. But I realized that when I went to the core of like, why am I so afraid of being alone? It was this feeling of if I'm not giving to someone, I don't deserve to live. Wow. When I kept questioning it, it was that. But like, if I'm not giving in a relationship, then I don't even exist. Wow. That's how deep the codependency ran. I know. Mine is connection. I like the, because I don't know, it just

I, that's my...

hungry ghost is connecting to people. Either I'm connected to my phone, I'm connected to someone else, I'm connected to a relationship, I'm psychically connected to someone. I'm just like, I always need to be connected to someone because that's the codependency. It defines who I am. I'm alive and I can be experienced if I'm connected. I wonder if this is a woman thing because that's exactly how I felt. And I asked myself, I'm like, if a tree fell in a forest and no one heard it, like did the tree fall, right? If I live here alone in these mountains for the rest of my life and I'm never connected with one person, am I still alive? Yeah.

And it's like, of course I am. So why do I feel that I only exist in relationship with other people? I know. I don't know. I do feel part of it is like a biological. I do. Like evolutionary thing of like, as women, we needed to be in the tribes, like liked by everyone. And if not, we lost access to resources, but it's different. And one thing that I really learned this year was that woman in my family could not be alone. So they were attracted to men who love to be alone. Yeah.

Because a deep part of them was like, how do you love being alone so much? I don't understand it. I'm actually on a deep level. I want to be that. But I want to prove to you that no, no, you need me. You'll need me. So let me give to you and this and that because surely no one must like to be alone. Wow. And it showed me that if you want to be with a man, because the masculine does not.

you know, desire that aloneness more, more than the feminine, but we need to have balance within ourselves to have a balanced partner. And it showed me if you want to be with a man who genuinely desires that connection, you also genuinely must learn how to be alone. Yeah. And I will say that now I'm at a place in that the two weeks in silence really helped of like, what was I so afraid of? Like being alone with myself actually is peacemaking.

peace. Yeah. Like actually is amazing ideas. Like actually is creativity. But for some reason I was escaping it so much because I was afraid of like, it was almost like at the surface level of when you're alone, it's like a pond and it's like the leaves and the muck and you know, the, the loneliness or the sadness or the anger. But then when you actually just move past that, cry it,

witness it. It is this piece that I feel as women, we're so afraid of feeling. And the moment we feel it, we're like, I need to be connected to something. It feels empty. Yeah. It's like, I think women are afraid of empty and masculine is empty. Women are full, masculine or empty. Yeah. The other last week I was in, I was on a trip with a bunch of friends that they're all in partnership and it was all of them and their partners who I'm obsessed with. I love being around. But there was one day I was just bawling my eyes out because I was just like, dude, I...

desire partnership, you know, and I was just like, damn, I'm feeling so alone and I'm feeling just blown away. I'm like, I can't believe this is my life that I'm the only one without a partner. I've always had a partner in my whole life. And, but then, you know, two nights after I was just sitting there and I'm like, how joyous this is. I go to my bed. I get to watch whatever the frick I want to watch on my phone. I get to take up this whole bed.

I get to go to bed when I want, wake up when I want. I don't need to talk to anybody. We don't need to process anything. There's like – I think when you're single, you romanticize relationships and only think about the good things. Girl, relationships are the best, but they're also no joke. Like they are portals for growth and transformation. You are constantly in this like beautiful cycle with people and it's just –

Yeah, I'm really trying to find all the beauty of being single and cherishing like the times I can have with myself and like the freedom of my psychic space, the freedom of my choice, the freedom of me doing whatever I want to do because I haven't had that really. And same for you. And I feel like our souls –

sometimes choose to grow through being single and sometimes choose to go through partnership. And we're all slate throughout our lives. It's like for both of us, we've definitely put ourselves out there. We go to events. It's not like we're sitting at home. I mean, no, honestly, I'm putting myself out there. But God does not want us to be in relationship right now because there are still levels of growth. And when you're single, you change a lot faster. Right.

Right. Once you're in a relationship, you kind of you do change, but you can't like all of a sudden shift your entire personality because you have to be that version of you, even if it's subconscious that entered into the relationship. I completely agree. You're constantly subconsciously checking with the other person. Are we still connected on this thing, on this version of each other that we signed up for? Yeah. You know, in a way, you actually will turn into the version of you that you feel like will sustain the relationship because we want to hold on to the relationship no matter what.

And because it feels so rare that we're like, once we find it, we're like, and again, it's so subconscious, but it's like, what's, how must I evolve for this to last? And those are the things we're going to work on. Right. And then the parts of ourselves that we feel like are not invited in the relationship, we often just suppress. Whereas when we're single, we're just like free roam, able to expand in whatever way. I do feel there is this like

How can I shift to be in relationship? Yeah. And that like idea of like, what's the version of me that would get into a relationship? That's often how we're shifting into, right? But I find that that's actually sort of like the dangling carrot of like, we think we're evolving so we can be in partnership, but actually it's about a revolution. Yeah, for sure. And that's the thing that I've made...

now has really come full circle with me of like the first year it was about like, let me do this so then I can be in partnership again. And now I'm like, I've shifted and evolved so much that like the partnership, whenever it comes is just almost like secondary to who I've become. And I actually, I interviewed this really amazing woman who's like,

she got divorced when she was 33 and she didn't find her now husband until she was 49 right so a long period of being single and she actually became a buddhist and actually took vows that she was about to become a buddhist nun and like do a lifetime of celibacy and commit to that and then she decided to write this like article when she was 49 years old and about internet dating and then

one of the guys becomes her husband, you know? And like, they're in this like beautiful relationship and they have amazing sex, but they're also like both Buddhist practitioners. And it's like this gorgeous love story. But I'm like, had it not been, and for her, it needed to be like a 16 year plus period of time of being single. But had it not been for that, she would not be this like rad, amazing woman that she is if the story was, and a year later I met my next husband. Totally. Right? And so-

I recognize within myself, like the longer I'm single, the more actually I feel comfortable being myself. The more I'm like, yeah, this is who I am. And I'm not like ashamed of it. And, you know, at the beginning, I remember I would like almost like, and I think we've talked about this before. I would like hide, like even like literally if I liked someone, I would hide my stories from them. I'm like, oh my God, I don't want them to know what I'm doing. No man knew my Instagram until like...

Okay, let's talk about this because we both – because people might be like – No, it's just – yes. It's funny because I see women and they're like, I wish I had more of my own thing going on. I feel like guys like that. Whereas our things at the beginning were really around like, I feel like I'm too much. I feel like my career is intimidating for people. Tell me your dream. So basically, you guys –

I don't know. I don't know how you feel, but maybe you would perceive that we would be like showing men our Instagram or telling them about what we do or who we are. No, me and Sahara would literally like be like, we're writers. We are like, I was like, I have a company. Like I would say I have a company. I would not show them my Instagram. I wouldn't tell them about the podcast. I wouldn't tell them about anything that I do.

Like no man would follow me, look at my stories, know any, they wouldn't even know anything about me just because I felt like it was too much. It was too much data and information. What I was basically doing is I had the belief that men couldn't metabolize my dimensionality and men couldn't metabolize my depth. And because my Instagram shows a lot of my depth, it doesn't show a lot of my humor, but it shows a lot of my depth. I was like, a man's going to think that's too much because the previous relationships I was in, my depth was too much. Like my,

So I was just hiding all of these parts of me. And I was almost like embarrassed to have the career that we have. Like I felt embarrassed. I was like, oh, they're going to judge me because I'm an influencer or I'm whatever. And like I had to have this one man who I think we talked about. We were at your house. We didn't even meet. And this man taught me the lesson because I

I was about to be set up with someone. They asked for my Instagram and this man never ended up reaching out to me. And so I went through this whole thing where I was like, he saw my Instagram. He thought all of these things. And it made me have to reckon with the fact that like,

This is my Instagram. It's who I am. And I had to eventually own the fact of who I am and what I do. And it's like the coolest part about you. Dude, that's the whole thing is I was like me as a child or me in Ohio at my younger age would die to have my career. I always wanted to be myself. I wanted to make impact. I wanted to have purpose.

And I'm embarrassed because I feel like it's going to be too much for a man or like, and I'm just like, because there's a part of me that thinks that men are only interested in dum-dums and hot dum-dum heads. So I was like, oh, I'm not a hot dum-dum. You know, I actually have words underneath my captions, da-da-da-da. And I also felt like I would struggle where I'm like, I want to be relatable and authentic, but I also want to be hot.

So I'm like, how do I be hot on my Instagram so that if guys see it, I'm hot. But then I also want to be cool and relatable because my audience wants me to be normal. Because it feels like the content for the girls is very different than the content for

for a dating app. 100%. And, but then it's like dating, like Instagram has become like a secondary dating app because most people ask you for your Instagram. And I'm like, my Instagram is like me crying about my divorce. Like, I don't want to give this to you. You're pissy popping on a handstand on my Instagram. So it's, so that was so, I went through, it's so funny that this must be a universal thing because I went through the exact same thing. And then I'm not going to years. You were going to revive a personal account. I tried to revive my personal. It was too much work. Um,

So I would give them my Instagram, but then I would like hide my story from them so they wouldn't see I was up to. And for me, my shame came around. I talk about sex on the podcast. So they're going to think that I'm like this super sexual person. Mind you, I've been celibate for like two years, you know, but that the way that I portray myself will be like, yeah, too sexually open, especially for like Middle Eastern men. So

So I would like hide that. And it's really funny because this one guy who he's Pakistani and I met him in London and

And I created this entire story that like, I'm going to be like way too much for him. So I like hid my story from him. I went on a date with him and it was like complete friend vibes. Like there was nothing there. So like, you know what? I'm going to unhide my story from him because now I don't care. He is my number one fan to this day. Like we're just friends, but he's just like, I love everything you do. You're an inspiration. And I'm like, here I created this story that he was going to like take me to jail. I thought it actually was like not true. And also like what you said around like men love dum-dums. It's like,

Yeah, I would say not majority of men. A lot of men do. But it's like, but the man for you will not, you know? And it's like we turn so much of like how we're presenting ourselves for like what men in general might want. And it's like instead, like so I was –

chatting with this NFL player another one somehow I was attracting a lot of these I've never watched football in my life I think it was because I was I was we were so I'm attracting athletes and so I was like I need my girl to be on the athlete train I think you and Anna just got me on the athlete thing but it's never worked out for me um so anyways he's chatting he's texting me

And then I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to be my like total self. So I'm like, I'm, you know, doing this indigenous womb training in Guatemala. He's like, wow, that's so interesting. I'm like, I did a Temescal. He's like, wow, what's that? I was like, okay. Then I sent him a video of like the indigenous fire ceremony. And that's when he stopped responding. And you know what? The old me, last year me would have been like, oh my God, I shouldn't have done that. And my friend was like,

too much too soon. And I'm like, no, because if someone, if that is too much for someone, I am not their fit. And I'm at, I'm at this place. And it was really interesting because I had this realization in Guatemala of like the way that I've gotten to my career is because I made a decision to focus. I made this decision of, I want to write a book. I don't know how it's going to happen, but all my time and energy into doing it, even though I have no evidence, but I'm going to trust that this exists. Took me a long time, but eventually it

I wrote that book. Deepak Chopra wrote the foreword of it. That's what led to my career. So I'm like, why would I now take this like approach of like, let me dabble in this and dabble in that with my dating if I know what I want, which now like before, honestly, I was not ready. I said I was ready. I was saying I was not.

Now I'm at this place that I'm like, I desire life partnership and nothing can guarantee that it's going to be for life. But that's the lens that I want to go in from of like, could I see you with someone that I would have children with, like, like travel with, like live my life with and like,

to be focused on that. But whereas a lot of us women, we get distracted by these different potential experiences of like, oh, well, like he's an athlete or like he's cute or like, you know, he's whatever. And these different, like maybe like samples that we want to try. And it's like,

Something that Rose really showed me was like, dating around a bunch of different people is like going to a buffet and like, let me sample a little bit of this. Let me sample that. I don't really like ham, but let me just try the ham anyways, just to remind me that I don't like the ham and like, you know, all the different things. And it's like what you want or who you are.

It's not even at Whole Foods. It's not even at Erewhon. It's like you are so uniquely you. You are like a one-of-a-kind, like, palated, fermented, like...

you know, rose that like it takes a specific person to go through their journey to even be able to like appreciate that taste. So it's like, so even why are you sad that it's like serving blue lotus tea at Starbucks? And then you're like, why don't the people at Starbucks appreciate this? It's like, of course they don't appreciate it because they've never gone on the journey to appreciate it. Yeah. You know, and it's really caused me to like remove myself. Like I'm not on any apps at all. It's been a while and I'm so much happier

happier. Like it just, it felt like an action to take, but it was just like, how long are we going to take an action and have shitty results? Again, they work for some people. Yeah.

But I'm in this stage of my life. Like I trust God. I trust synchronicity. I trust if I'm meant to meet someone, they'll cross my path. And you know, for some people it can happen from apps, but like, I don't, I don't feel like I've gone on this journey and come so far of like, you know, I met my first husband on Bumble's like, well, I'm in like maybe third or I'm right. Like, you know, it's like, I just don't think it's best. And, and yeah,

instead of wasting all my energy on dating guys, just like, see, maybe I'll like them or not. I'm so clear now on who I desire in calling it, and I'm not afraid of being alone. Yeah, that's it. And so when you're not afraid of being alone, you're not going to jump ship because you just want someone to hold you, because you're afraid of spending Christmas by yourself, because you're thinking about your birthday next year and a trip you want to take. I am so comfortable being alone. I'm so comfortable being celibate at this point that I'm just like,

however long it takes. And if God's journey is for me to literally become numb at this point, then that's the fucking story. Whereas before I was like, I can't let that be the story. I need the story to be that like I experienced like whatever. And it's like, no, like the story is written by the divine and I'm just like living it. And that's just the story, the path chose for me. And like, and I do believe when we focus our energy on something, it happens so much sooner. Yeah.

I feel like God was cock blocking us both. Yes, cosmically a little bit more. I mean, my girl have been crazy, but now I'm like, thank God. I would have had their energy in my womb. Awesome. But the years were a little bit like more vibrationally not a match. They were not a match. You know, it was like my mind feeling like,

Oh, I would have never dated these guys before. I wouldn't marry. Let me try. But then I'm like, but my level of consciousness was like not available. Totally. I think, you know, with the Instagram thing too, what I really noticed is that my Instagram is more my depth, like my sharing, my teachings, my philosophy. And the person that I present to men is funny, banter, batty, super light, chill, funny.

whatever the frick. And so I was afraid when they saw my Instagram that they were going to see that I'm deep. And I was afraid they were going to reject my depth. And so I had to really come to terms with like, okay, like I do have this depth. So now I'm grateful if they see my Instagram because they'll see that I have a lot of depth. And then I can also come with the light and the levity. Do you ever choose to show up with your depth on a first date? I actually, it's curious that you say that because there has been

One person that I did feel like that. And then another person recently where I've felt like that, but it's very rare for me because I rarely feel safe in that with men.

I really feel like they can hold it or that they're interested in it. So I have before. What about even asking them questions or just having conversations that aren't so personal? Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm giving them a whole experience. Of course, I'm getting deep with them. I'm like, oh, my God, they're processing their childhood with me. You know what I mean? But then I'm in the coach, teacher thing. But I think what you were saying about the blue lotus tea serving at Starbucks is so real because I had to realize that too where I'm like when I would look at the dum-dums,

that men would like, I'm like, I am a whole experience. Like if a man is choosing to be with me, he is choosing an initiation. He is choosing a portal to his highest timeline, to his greatest transformation. Like it's not nothing when you choose to be with me, a friend or a lover, like we are committing to a deep path in our lives. And so knowing that that man has to be at a certain level where he's like ready to commit to that, he's ready to commit to this timeline. Um,

really shifted for me because it's just, it's a really beautiful thing to be with me, but it's not nothing. You know, it's really a deep choice of the partnership. But I also really related when you were like, because I think both of us were like, we're ready and we weren't at all. And it's funny because I think we were ready to not be alone, but we weren't ready to be with our partners. And I think what I realize now in my readiness is that I'm ready to turn my life over to this new

timeline. Like I've had the best time being single. We've had the best time. It's been such a beautiful two years, but now I feel ready to give my life up for my family and give my life up for my partner and, and pour into this person and invest in this person and really just like commit to union and commit to family in a way that I don't think I've ever been felt. Yeah.

How are you now with the awareness of like the codependency, the ability to like be such a chameleon? Yeah. How are you like preparing to not potentially like again bring that into the next relationship? That's my biggest fear I think is that and I don't feel as much fear about it anymore but I still have that fear of losing myself in relationship because even when I'm dating I'm like –

Goodbye. It's something deep in the feminine. It's deep. It's like we like just find this person. We like nest. Oh my God. I'm like talking to them for a week and I'm like, this is probably it. Like, you know what I mean? I know there's a part of me that's almost knowing not or yes, but it's just like that deep. So yeah, that's something I still think about and struggle with. So what are you calling in in relationship now? Let's hear it. Okay. So calling in in my partnership, um,

I think more than anything, it's the energetic match. It's like, I can explain it in all the words and all the things, but it's the match. You know, it's the vibrational match for me to create family and to create partnership. And I'm looking for so many things that I bring. I think something else that I've done in preparation was of the list that I wrote down for him, all the qualities I want him to have, I wrote down all the qualities that I bring to him.

Like a high value man wants a high value woman. And what does a high value woman bring to the table? What I bring to the table is like deep safety, ability for him to multiply his wealth, ability for him to feel seen, loved, and heard me taking care of him, psycho-spiritual support. You know, it's like all the things that I can bring to the relationship. So

I'm looking for that person that's going to be just like the perfect match for me in a way that may not seem perfect on the surface, but I know feels like the energetic perfection. What about you? Yeah, I love that. And it's been, you know, the first thing that came to me and it's still like something I'm like, is it even possible? That's the thing I feel fully met. Yeah, totally. I don't think I've ever felt fully met.

Right. Because it's like, do you have any men who are kind of your archetype that you could think of? Like just even other people. No, I know. I'm thinking right now. One of my best friends, Joey, who's gay, sometimes when we're together, I literally say like, this is how I want to feel in my relationship. Of course he's gay. Of course he's gay. Literally. Sometimes when we're on dates, I'm like, you're so hot. So there's aspects of our relationship that I really deeply want to create in my next relationship. But

There's aspects of people, but no, not really. What do you think? No, I've never...

Definitely aspects, you know, that, but then like a very big missing thing with each of those people. I feel I've definitely, you know, I think that's the good thing about dating is like you can like try something that you're like, hmm, could I be okay with this? And then you try it and you're like, no. Totally. But then on a certain point it's like, okay, like how many of those do you need to like do to realize it's just not working? I feel for me to feel met, um,

Okay, a guy being spiritual has been an interesting journey with me. Let's talk about this thing. This is huge, especially for women listening who, like, think about this. Yes. So before, I never dated spiritual guys because I always felt like...

I don't know. They were very feminine, the polyamory thing. Like I just was never attracted to them. There wasn't like polarity there. They were too similar. After my divorce, I was like, damn, if I was with someone who was further along on their spiritual journey, like this would not have happened, you know? So I'm like, I can only be with someone on a spiritual journey.

However, again, like every time I try to use the same things, the feminine, the polyamory, they'll also like almost like they are a little competitive with me, especially because a lot of them are.

When you're so involved in your spiritual journey, you'll naturally want to share it. Yeah. So then you're like a coach and a podcaster and this and like. My experience was that they were very spiritually and they had a lot of intellect, but they were not emotionally mature. They did not have emotional maturity. So the things that they were talking to me about were literally so fucking basic childlike. And they were all, a lot of them were shady.

a lot, you know, because people are often drawn to spirituality because it's like their own like pains and traumas, which we all have, you know,

At this point, what I would be calling in is someone who has gone on a spiritual journey for themselves, has gone through a dark night. So I would love to be with someone who's been divorced. Yeah. Because I feel like that has taught me so much about really, I was like, damn, I took my relationship so for granted, you know? And I'm like, next time I'm in a relationship, like, oh my God, I will be like, what a gift this is. Like, what a gift to like have someone you can travel with and know you're going to have a great time. Like, like,

And before, because we were so young, we're in our twenties, we're just like, oh yeah, I'm like engaged now. Like, you know, I'm like, damn, like now I feel for all of my single friends that I'm like, oh yeah, I'm with my husband. And now I'm just like, that is remarkable. Honestly, I'm like, and you guys sleep in the same bed? And I feel like sometimes only like losing something, like going through a divorce makes you really value it and really like question what you want in it. So I want to be with someone who has had, you know, maybe they've had a failure of a business, something like that.

has gone on a spiritual journey, but it's not their like entire life. Like I don't feel I want to be, I don't want to like teach workshops with them, which I know a lot of like spiritual women want to do. I don't want it to be public at all. Same. And that's something that really came to me with the rose of like, I share so much about my personal life.

However, relationship is different. And when we share everything about our relationship publicly, it's like giving a piece of steak to like dogs for people to like butcher it. And I realized that a huge fear I had around getting married again was this fear of if I divorce again, what will people say? Oh, yeah. I mean, the Reddit threads would be. Exactly. And she's, you know, like how they talk about JLo.

Right. She can't keep a man. She's the problem. So it was like my fear of getting married again was what would people say if we divorce? So it's like, so why don't I just like not share it publicly? Yeah.

I know all of us have a very unique relationship with sleep. I currently have a child and so I'm not sleeping as much and I'm also quite overtired by the time I get to sleep. So what does that mean? I'm very restless when I get into bed and I feel like even though I'm tired, I can't really fall asleep or stay asleep really deeply throughout the night.

So I was like, okay, gotta figure this out because sleep is so important as we all know. So I have concocted a beverage that I cannot wait to share in a moment, but I'm using Beam's Dream Powder. You've probably seen this online on Instagram. I feel like it is so popular and I'm just getting on the train, but this is a science-backed healthy hot cocoa for sleep. This product has single-handedly changed the way I sleep and I'm sleeping so well. So I get to

fall asleep and stay asleep and wake up feeling super, super refreshed. Okay. So what is in this? So as we know, if you've tried other sleep aids, it can cause a lot of grogginess, just like kind of a weird feeling, but dream contains a powerful all natural blend of reishi, magnesium, L-theanine, um,

um, epigenine and melatonin to help you fall asleep, stay asleep and wake up refreshed. As I said, I can't emphasize that enough because I was like, wait, I feel refreshed. So this is my beverage. Um, every single night I take, uh, raw milk or organic whole milk,

And I mix in a scoop of the Beam Dream Powder. I might add a little bit of collagen just to add, you know, a little extra goodness.

And it is phenomenal. It's a beautiful cup of hot cocoa with all of the sleep benefits. This season can be really overwhelming, really tiring, and it is imperative that we get good sleep. We are mentally, physically, and emotionally better when we get good sleep. It boosts our focus and energy and mood. So if you want to show up this season just feeling good,

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beam.com slash almost 30 and use the code almost 30 for up to 50% off. I actually did a lot of shadow work in Guatemala around when I got engaged, like I was so consumed with the pictures.

taking pictures, you know, the wedding album, talking about the wedding, posting it. Like, of course I genuinely loved him, but there was like a performative level to it. Right. Like I remember walking down the aisle and like, those aren't the color pink of the roses I wanted. Those are hot pink. I need to make sure I tell the wedding planner after and like so consumed with things like that, that I just never want to be. And it actually like instructed me to like go back and like look at the pictures of me. And I just had such a different, like

just so much more surface to who I am now consciousness that was like here we are like like laugh with me so the photographer can take a picture of us laughing together and like

And I just don't want to- I looked like a clown, dude. My makeup was like my sculpted brows. I looked like literally the makeup on my face, I looked like a clown. I was like, girl, why so much? It's funny because I remember after your wedding, you not liking the pictures. You remember that? Oh my God. Just, I didn't. I just didn't. It's weird. It's almost like I had a lot of energy and momentum. And then as soon as we got to it, I was like, I can't do anymore. And I just like-

Didn't really care about what I looked like. It was very weird. On the day, would you have a wedding again? Yes, because I loved the wedding. I loved celebrating. I love spending money on moments and memories and friends and family. So yes, but I would be like literally the most chill.

wearing a simple dress, simple makeup, hair down, simple, like nothing crazy. Would you get legally married again? I don't know. I wasn't ever legally married. Right. Which I never legally got married. God is because you don't have to go. Thank God. Yeah. Literally divorces are expensive.

Doesn't – like, thank God in mind we just agreed and we never had to go to court or anything. Yeah. So it wasn't. Yeah. However, you have children involved. Yeah. Oh, my God. And, like, you never know. Like, weird stuff happens when people get married. Like, you – they could sue you. Like, they could have – each could have taken half my business, half my money, half my assets. And –

Yeah. I think though, you know, after we got married, we talked about legally getting married, but it just never felt right. And I think that was just like a sign for us. Yeah. You know, so everyone on Reddit that says it was a fake wedding because we didn't legally get married.

That's what it was. You know, it's funny because Michael Beckwith shared with me that when you legally get married to someone, you're bringing the energy of the government into your marriage. Yeah, dude. That's exactly it. I don't know if I'll legally ever get married. If my man wants to get married, sure, I'm down. But I'm like, what is the point, honestly? God married us. I don't need the government. What does the government benefit? It just costs money. Exactly. I think it's like around like...

though I don't even... I think there might be something around that. I'm not really sure the legalities of it, but I personally would not want to get legally married again. Yeah, I don't think I would either. Because then it's like, not only are you going through this traumatic thing, but now with the person, the trauma's around, you have to like get yourself to agree on something. And that is like so hard. So yeah, it's just such a journey. So now like where are you at in this? Like are you dating someone? What's happening? Okay, so this is tea. So...

Since I've seen you, literally was in love for two weeks. Okay. With who? An amazing man. Oh, the one the voice note was about. Which one? Oh, you just – Okay. So basically met this man like obsessed, like so deep, so emotionally available, such chemistry, such connection here. Finally, someone that freaking lives in LA. I was like, thank God.

had the best. It was crazy. Like it was actually very wild experience, but I was traveling during that time. So we weren't able to see each other, but we would talk on the phone every day for like hours, hours. This man was divorced. He knew my friends through this other weird, he was a year older than me. And then when I was traveling, I was seeing another man who you know about during that time. So I was kind of in that portal with another man.

And so it was kind of weird because I was talking to this man and having an emotional connection, but then also talking to this other man and having a physical connection. So it was very weird. And then we saw each other in person and I just didn't feel. Oh, so you guys were talking hours a day because you were traveling. You had not seen him in person. So then seeing him in person, you just didn't feel it. Why? Physically was not. Was he just shorter than you thought? Yes. So did he lie about his height?

Guys will lie sometimes like four inches. I'm just like, what are you thinking? I'm like, I'm, I was doing the math. I'm like, okay, there's something here. And I think to be honest, what I learned is that it put too much. Okay. So it put too much pressure on it too, where like we had been so deep in that, like seeing each other was just.

so much pressure. The moment you saw him where you're just like, no, exactly. My body like shut out. It also felt a lot of pressure, like sexually, because we had been so connected. I was almost like, oh my God, like I felt like we had to be intimate quickly and I didn't want that. Like I, I don't want a lot. I don't, I don't like a lot of sexual energy on my first dates with people. I want to like lead that. I want to feel open.

And so I just, so then there was this other man that I got connected to and it was really nice. How did you tell him? Girl. Okay. So how I told him was, so because he had been divorced and this man like doesn't have the internet, so he would never listen. He, we had talked about his divorce a bit. I realized that he was bringing up his ex quite a bit. So even on the date, spent 45 minutes of our date. How long ago was the divorce? Two years ago, around the same time as ours, you and I.

On our first date, spent 45 minutes telling me about this divorce. I was fucking triggered. First date. First date. On our first conversation on the phone for hours. I thought it was us opening up, but I realized he talks about his ex a lot. There was like other comparisons he would have in voice notes of me to her. He'd be like, wow, we talk about our emotions and feelings so much. I never talked about this with my ex. You know, that's...

And it takes guys a lot longer to heal from a divorce. So much longer. Because they're not diving in and doing all of the work that we are. So like for a man two years out of a divorce, it's like he's maybe finally processing it. No, finally. Because it takes them off in a year of suppressing it. And I was like, after our first date, I was like, hey, I want to talk to you about our date and like process it. And he's like, yeah. And he like was acting like things are normal. So I think he realized that I wasn't feeling normal. So he's like, yeah, there's things I want to talk about. I'm like, okay. Yeah.

So we get on the phone. I'm like, hey, like, I would love to hear your thoughts. Like, what do you have to share? And that's a communication strategy. Ask people what they have to say first before you share so then they can lead. And then you can just – they can kind of answer the question. And he's like, well, you said that you have never fully trusted the masculine and my ex did never fully trusted the masculine. So that makes me nervous about you. And you also said you never want to age in my ex situation.

was obsessed with her looks and that makes me nervous about you. I was like, wow, totally. That could be true. And you literally talk about your ex all the time.

So it was perfect because I didn't feel physically attracted, even though I still have an attraction to him and his personality and his – Let him lead it. That was genius. Part. Let him lead it. I was like, sure, you can share your things. And I was like, Ann, like, this is kind of what I wanted to bring up, that you talk about your ex a lot. And I feel like she's still in the room. I was like, she's still in the room. And that doesn't work for me. In the relationship that I want, I want to be the only person for my man. So it was really good, but –

He's like, yeah. He was like, I want to dive into his criticisms because there's a lot there. Girl. It's very interesting. Those are the things. Good luck being in a relationship with a woman. I was like, same. This whole thing around like to heal a woman must trust men. Girl. We can't trust all humans, period. Don't trust all women. Don't trust all men. Don't trust all. Trust is earned. 100%. And I'm like, babe.

I'm telling you this because my dad's dying and I'm recontextualizing my dad because I'm now seeing him clearly. And that's causing me to understand and look more closely at my relationship with the masculine. I need a lot of breath around it. I need a lot of breath. And that's just what it is. Also, too, don't tell me that you've trusted every feminine.

I'm like, and this would be naive to exactly. I'm like me saying that I've never fully trusted the masculine to ask you the most mature thing I could do, because then you realize there's more to go. And it's not like I'm not willing, but it's that I haven't been at a place to understand what that meant. And I haven't been able to see it, but I'm available. I don't care. Like if you want to have feedback for me, I'm available. Sure. You can have feedback for me. You can, you can have thoughts about me. You can be like, Oh, I think something about you. I'm totally fine for that. The

The vein thing, I was like, sure, man. Cool. Right. Yeah, he's attracted to your looks. Exactly. That's what I said. I'm like, okay, sure. And I was like, but my thing was being- The fact that it was the Eberron ex too. Exactly. Both were related to the ex. She's in the room all the time. And he's like, oh, I'm sorry. That's your experience. That's not my experience. I'm like, she's in the room a lot. And I-

So do you, like looking back on this or next time, let's say you connect with someone. By the way, are you on the apps right now? No. What's your feeling with them? No. Okay. So would you, if you were on an app or you meet someone on Instagram, maybe talk as much as you did? No. Okay. Just wait to meet in person. That was my thing. So then I met this other guy that I'm seeing tomorrow again who got set up through this like matchmaker and went on a date, four and a half hour date. Yeah.

amazing. We didn't talk at all before. We haven't really talked. We've talked once to set up the next date and I'm obsessed with it. And this isn't my, he's not my man, but I'm obsessed with it because it's like, he's so successful and so busy. So it's like, he's not like chit chatting in between. Why is he not your man? He is so fine. He's so successful. He's

stupid smart. He's like the smartest man I've ever met. I don't know if he has enough heart and I don't know if he has enough. He's almost like Asperger's. He's so smart. So I don't know if he has enough heart and I think he is avoidant to be honest. I can feel a sense of like avoidance in him. So I'm curious. It's like, and I don't have the answer to this, but it's like, what are the things that we can learn and grow and, you know,

allow them to maybe become. Yeah, I know literally. So what I'm grateful for, so the last man that I was talking to for a few weeks, she showed me what I want emotionally and how I want to be met from a communication perspective. This man is showing me what I want from a man on purpose and success perspective. So I'm grateful that I'm in his frequency because he's the level of success and purpose I want to be at. So for me and my dating, I've just seen myself kind of

up level and get closer to the thing. But yeah, man, I don't know. What do you work with? Yeah, like what are the things that you're willing to like budge on? Like even with the looks of the one, he's really good looking. It's not bad. It's just for me, it wasn't a match. But I'm like, I think a lot of other women would push through and be like, I'm going to make this work. Or this guy, he's so successful that they'd be like, I'm going to make this work. Like I'm going to do whatever I can to make it work. And

I don't know. I don't know what I would – I don't know, man. Do you have anything that you're like, okay, I'm more flexible on this thing? Like it's okay if he has kids or it's okay if he works a lot or – It's okay if he works a lot. It's okay. I don't know about kids because I dated someone with kids and that was hard because I'm not a half person. I don't think I could half be a mom. And I'm not saying step-parents are half moms at all, like at all, at all, at all. But I would be someone that would –

I, if I'm a mother, I'm, I'm giving a lot up for it. And I don't know if at this point that person wasn't the person. So if I found my person and he has kids, I probably would be, but I don't know if I could do that. What about you? It's changed. You know, like there was a period that where you remember, I'm like, I don't mind if someone has kids. And then the person I dated had child and it was really challenging and there was a lot of beauty in it, but it actually showed me that

I just, well, I think it was because he didn't, couldn't see the kids or there was a lot of sadness around that. So then I'm like, can emotionally feel that. So that energy was in the field. And then-

if he had time off work, it's going to be to see the kids. So then I'm starting to think about like, then can we ever like go on a trip? And, and then he wanted the kid to live with him when he's in high school. Then I was like thinking, well, if I have a baby, I'm going to have like a baby. And then this like high school kid all of a sudden, yeah, I'm just like, this is not how I want to live my life. Um, but for some people it totally works. And I'm grateful I had that experience because it just made me get a lot more clear. Yeah.

You know, the thing that I think I'm more willing to budge on now is like before I was like, he needs to be tall. And now I'm like, yeah, it's actually fine. Yeah. You know, my college boyfriend and he was like the sweetest boyfriend I've ever had in my entire life. And he was not much taller than me, you know, and I was actually in the barista to like really looking back on that relationship of like, he was so sweet to me and this and like, but if I met him or someone app, I would never.

Swipe on him. That is what's weird too is, you know what I will say is on the apps, it's been portals for me. And the men that I've, some of the men I've dated have not been like the most hot men, but there is a frequency of like a yes connection for me. And so I do think that you do feel an energy even if they're not the hottest thing. And I'll say about apps, it's just been portals. It's been portals for karma. It's helped me transmute karma. I've had karmic ties with people that I've had to just transmute and it's brought them to me quickly. Yeah.

which has been interesting. Yeah. Cause what's hard is remember you and I, we went to Nobu. We're like, okay, we're going to like meet men in the wild. And we like got all dressed up. We go to Nobu. We do the little look around and there's no one there. Not a soul. And then you pull out Hinge. Literally. And here we are at Nobu on Hinge. And it's like, fuck, like I see why people go on dating apps, you know, because it's like you, like my friend and I last weekend, we went, Christine and I went to like, we were on, we went to Soho house. Yeah.

And it was just literally nothing. I went there two weeks ago. Never. Every time I've gone there, I've canceled my membership. Like this is just a waste of my money. And the music was just so like grungy. And I was just like, we don't like it here. We're like, let's just walk around sunset. We went to all these like little clubs and bars and it was like 80% girls. So like,

maybe, okay, let's say 70% girls, 20% gay guys, and like, maybe more like 1% straight men. And the men that are straight are like fucking douchebags because they're just like, I can choose whoever I want. Like, why would I, you know? And I, and then people would always tell me like dating and all these really hard. And I'm like, no, like, I'm not going to make that my reality. And, and I'm not saying it necessarily needs to be, but I'm like, damn, like,

LA is so feminine. People move here to be seen, right? If you're here, you are in entertainment, likely. And so I have found a very similar archetype across the board of a lot of the men here, which it is that Peter Pan consciousness of like- No, you'll meet a man that's 39 and he'll be like, I just don't know if I'm ready to settle down. Right. Or like literally 47. Literally. And you're like, what? Literally. And it's crazy because-

You know, part of me is like, okay, is it me? Is it the men that I'm choosing? But I think it's like men who choose to live here. Yeah.

And so I've been really thinking about like what is the energy that I'm calling in more in my life. And even thinking about this college boyfriend of mine, like why am I looking back on this relationship right now all of a sudden 10 years later? Dude, totally. And I realized like some of the qualities that he had were like he was very international. He was such a provider, but like even just energetically. Yeah. Like he was always just like, are you good? Do you need anything? Are you this? Are you that? And like so attentive to my needs. Yeah.

way more than actually my ex was. And we traveled a lot. He spoke different languages. Like, so I really love and miss that international way of living. Yeah. So I was like thinking about that. Then I was offered to teach in Saudi Arabia.

Which is crazy. Recently? Yeah. Now? I'm going there next month. I know. They told me and I'm pissed. Yeah. So I'm going to Saudi Arabia, which growing up it was like a woman could not drive there. And now they have like wellness festivals and they want me to teach on like feminine embodiment, you know? So that's happening. Then I was invited to teach at a festival in India in like Rajasthan, which...

which is like also, and they want me to do like a DJ set and talk about like living your soul's purpose and like my actual core teachings, not water it down, but like really go in. Whoa. So then I was invited to this wedding of like a college friend of mine who I have not seen in for a decade in India. And it's like this insane wedding. And then my business partners on Highest Self Institute are moving to Dubai. No way. Yeah, Neetha and Ajit are moving to Dubai. Mindvalley Headquarters is moving to Dubai. Okay.

And then my rent went up a lot. And I'm like, okay, God, I hear you. So this is my sharing with you. I know you can. That at the end of November, I'm putting my things in storage and get a...

She's rolling her eyes. I'm rolling my eyes. I'm over it. And I'm going to be in India for like a month and a half and then be in Dubai and just see. You know, I've rented only an Airbnb for like a month at first and see how it goes. But I feel spirit calling me like...

like being the man that I'm attracted to, like myself be international, myself be traveling, myself be of service to humanity, you know, bringing back these qualities that I kind of lost. Cause I just feel like LA is very like American and you're far away from the rest of it. Like you're going to Europe all the freaking time, but that's a commitment, you know? So I'll come see you in India. Yeah. So I don't know how it's going to go, but my like plan as of now is to have my base be in Dubai. And that way I'm a direct flight to India, to Europe, to Egypt, to

to all of these places. And that's like where all of my past lives are. And like, you know, where I'm really interested, I'm going to go back to Iran where my family's from in March. I haven't been back there in over a decade as well. And yeah, just like reconnect with that side of me, but also like bring spirituality and consciousness there because it's such a full circle of like my family escaping from the perils

Persian Gulf for more opportunity here and like me actually going back to the Persian Gulf for opportunity and like, you know, also being Middle Eastern, my family being Muslim, like I can speak the language of that woman. I understand like uniquely the oppression that they face, the shame, the internalized like guilt of being

everything. So I feel it's like my ultimate Dharma right now to, you know, in, in LA, I love it here. Cause it feels like I'm like surrounded by other high vibe people. We're always having high vibe conversations, but then it's like, I feel like I've like kind of gone as far as I can here. Like I've kind of done the podcast that I want to do. And like, to be honest, the friends that I have here are like my same friends from like seven plus years ago, you know? And

I actually will be really happy if I never hear about Burning Man again. Like I have zero interest in that world. And just in that very, like the conscious community is just not, it's just really not my thing. I feel like at the beginning of my spiritual journey, it was like, wow, like I love people who also ecstatic dance and do this and that. And now I'm just like, oh, like the smell of patchouli makes me want to vomit. It's like, for real. I'm like, let's talk about love is blind. Exactly. And I'm like, I just want to, yeah, like,

and just share it with people who are actually like hungry for it. Take the information. Whereas like here, it's like you go to an event and then everyone's like, come to my event and then come to my event. And they're just like all like doing the exact same thing. Everyone wants to be on stage. Exactly. And it's interesting because like I was like asked to speak in an event here and I'm like, oh yeah, like this is my rate. They're like, oh no, well you can be an affiliate and sell tickets. And it's just like, that's just so LA. So LA. Come to my event and you also sell the tickets. Whereas like in Saudi Arabia, they're like freaking like,

paying for me to come in this and I'm just like

I'm just excited because I love making a big shift. And I feel like me, like helping people like that who have so much power in humanity, if I can help them invest in more conscious companies, like heal the way that they treat their employees, like it just has such a global impact that I'm able to like actually serve like millions of people just because of the people I'm able to work with. They're like princesses and, you know, prime ministers and things like that. Whereas here it's just like, yeah, like...

love everyone. I'll definitely be back. But, you know, I've always had these kind of hits from spirit of like, you know, me going to Portugal last year has led to me becoming an artist, you know, and I'm just like, and we'll see, you know, what unfolds. And, you know, of course I'm like, and I hope I meet this like beautiful man there too. And it's like, and we'll, we'll see. Yeah. But I do feel it is me again, continuing to be the love of my own life. So.

That is my announcement. I know. Thank God they metabolized. Renee and Manuel metabolized me with you moving to Dubai. So I was prepared. Oh, she knew. Yeah. I was prepared. Honestly, I was spiritually, mentally, emotionally prepared. And I know my girl's just going to do what my girl's going to do. If all my people want to move and do their thing, I support them and love them. And you've always just, you know, done your thing. And yeah, I am going to miss you a lot, but I just can see it. Like I really can see the path and

I think it's amazing. I love how many... We'll meet in Europe because you're always there. I know we will. I know. I love how many lifetimes you live. It's so beautiful. What is one thing you just want to leave with our audience today? Like what's one thing you want every woman to know in this moment post-dieta? Oh my goodness. I feel that it's such an important time to really just be mindful of where we're putting our focus and energy. You know, I love social media. I love connection. I

I love intimacy and all of that. But I feel as women, like you said, we lose ourselves in that and we lose focus on what matters. And for me, you know, dating has its ups and downs, a roller coaster. You're high and you're low and you're this, the thing that has been like my saving grace throughout this all is my own sense of purpose. Like just being on here heals me, you know, it reminds me who the fuck I am. So it doesn't matter if this person's not replying to you or this didn't go well. It's like,

the more I pour into my dharma, my soul's purpose, the more I receive out of it. And it is the thing that has given me the freedom, the opportunity to be able to travel, to be able to be on my own, to be able to have these experiences. So as tempting as it is to get lost in the fantasy and the love story and could this be something in that, what I would love for a

like have your moment with it and like come back to focus on like what really matters to you. Because even when you're in the relationship, that's, that's what you're going to be stuck with on your day to day. And I see a lot of people, they lose themselves in one relationship and then they'll go into another one, go into another one. They, they don't have businesses. They don't have a sense of self. They don't have anything. And even losing themselves in relationships, it's situationships. Yeah, exactly. And it's like,

Because of the shadow of the feminine mind, like it becomes our full-time focus. And, you know, even me, like looking back, I'm like, damn, I spent so much time on this that like I could have...

served more people and created more podcasts. And that's why in a way, like, I feel like sometimes just throw yourself into like doing a program, like doing a certification, like doing something because when you're single and you're going through it, you have so much energy and it's just like, you don't even know where to place it. So place it towards something that's going to make you become the version of you that you were utterly obsessed with. What about you? What would you like to leave listeners? Oh, I just love you. Um,

I think the question that we were talking about before is really pertinent. It's like, do you want to be in relationship or do you just not want to be alone? And I think if people can really get honest about it, like, is it my running from being alone or is it my desire for union that's driving this? So good. And so thinking about that. So I love you so much.

You're the best. Love you. Can't wait for you. You just said you're not going to visit me in Dubai. No, I will. You'll be the only reason why I'd go to Dubai. I will. I'll do, I'll go anywhere in the world for you. Egypt. Yeah. I actually, yep. I'll go to Egypt with you. Okay, guys, you know where to find my girl. And you can listen to episodes we've done from four years ago, five years ago, six years ago that exist on the internets. And I'll be on Highest Self in October, which will be out very soon.

I love you. Love you. Bye. Love you all. Thank you so much, Sahara. You are the best. We love you so much. And thank you guys for sharing Almost 30 with your friends, for writing a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It means so much. And almost30.com, you can go find our partnership page, more information on our sponsors, more information on us, and then follow us on TikTok and Instagram. We have a thriving community there and we share only the best of the best.

clips and memes and insights from the show. We love you guys. Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you on the next one. See you soon.