756. MASTER Authentic Communication: Secrets to Confidence + Connection with Jefferson Fisher
01:31:36 Share

Hello and welcome to Almost 30 Podcast. What's up, everybody? Welcome to the show. It's Lindsay and Krista.

You're a big sister's best friends in all things. I don't know. Change. Yeah. Fashion. All things. Wearing ugly socks all the time. I have no great socks at all. Nope. That's not my journey. My journey is not, I don't want nice socks or nice underwear. It's not my journey. When I try to get cool socks, I shit the bed. I have one pair of cool socks. It's almost like I'm trying too hard. I'm like, I'd rather actually have

Like, Dorco socks? For sure. Because that, like, makes more sense than me trying to wear cool socks. I mean, who are you? Rob Kardashian? Because then I'm going to get questions. Having a sock line. What even is this? Today's conversation, I'm really excited for you guys to hear. I had so much fun with Jefferson. Just hilarious, cool, interesting conversation.

very grounded and super, super helpful. He is someone that speaks on communication, which is obviously something I'm really passionate about. I feel deeply on the impacts of communication in relationships and business and in life in general. So he's a great, great teacher for this. He also is the client of our agent. So our book agent, who is one of our favorite people on earth, also represents him and his book is

is out now. It's called The Next Conversation, and it is everything you will find on his Instagram, on his YouTube, from him recording in his car, all the tips on communication and how you can become a master communicator. Which I love.

I love him in the car. It's my favorite. I keep ripping on him, but I'm like, just like, but people love it. People love it. And he's also a dad on the go. Dad on the go. He's a lawyer. Um, one of the ones that he did recently that I was like, ah, and I, and I was like, Ooh, I really want to have one of these moments to be able to use it, to use it. But basically it was basically like, if someone makes a rude comment about you to your face or calls you a name, um,

he was kind of coaching the audience through

The steps, one of the steps that just made perfect sense to me, but I wouldn't necessarily do in a normal setting, was letting there be silence so that they could actually experience and probably hear reverberated in their mind what they just said. And he said the second step would be to turn to someone who's also in the room and say, did you hear what I just heard? Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Or like, oh, she just called me an idiot. Am I hearing that right? Yeah. Something like that. So it's like kind of this second... Gang up. But it's... So then everyone fights them. It's like this second mirror held up. Yes, it's the mirror. My friend... One of my friends is just a master at that. She'll just let the pause. She'll kind of hold the eyes in the moment. And it's actually the scariest thing I've ever witnessed. But it's so powerful to really just... I think what's beautiful about his...

insights is it's just super helpful in the moment. Reframes quick. Oh, did you mean to say that? You know, just calling things out. That's what I like about his approach is that it brings consciousness to things. So oftentimes communication is unconscious. You know, if someone makes a passive aggressive comment, say you go home for the holidays,

and your parents are like, oh, it's nice to see you. You never come around. It's like, hey, did you, is there something you want to talk about? And it's just kind of like you are making a comment that's unconscious. That's like kind of the loop. What could we talk about here? What could we bring to consciousness to create deeper relationships in our life and

I think it's really fun because in this conversation, we talked a lot about advice specifically for women in the workplace, how we can be clear communicators but still powerful and still soft. We talked a lot about relationships and when you're in relationship or even dating, how you can improve your communication together. I really loved the advice he gave about communication when you're in a romantic relationship like a marriage.

And you come to a conversation where you're going to discuss something and you say how you want to feel at the end. And so at the end, you would say, you know, I want to feel heard or I want to feel seen or I want to feel understood or I want to feel whatever the feeling is. It just helps bring such a clarity.

clarity and a positivity and a goal to things, which I think is so beautiful to kind of let your partner in on like, Hey, this isn't fully baked right now. I might not have perfect, a perfect understanding, but I just want to kind of share, like, are you available for that? You know, at the end of this, I want to feel more connected to you. And when you hear that,

from someone you love, there's nothing you can do but agree and kind of go on the journey together. So in his book, The Next Conversation, which is out now, I think it'll be really helpful for really anyone that wants to improve their communication and hence improve so many aspects of their life. Yeah. Like what you said about most communication is unconscious, you know? And I also think like us being on our phones and just kind of in that digital communication, probably more than 50% of the day,

is contributing to that where, you know, we don't have that direct feedback right away. So for example, you know, if we're texting a friend,

we might say something in a text that we wouldn't say in person, face to face. So I think this is also just like a really powerful call to like have more of those like in-person connected conversations and practice those. And that it's like your relationships are worth that. Yeah. I think too, we talked a little bit about this, but

a conversation is involves so much more of your body than you think it's about the words that you're saying. The mind wants to think everything is always about the mind, but it's about your body's relationship to what you're saying. It's about your soul's peace with what you're saying. It's, it's so, I, I was talking to this, a friend about this yesterday, how there's this, there's this teacher that I used to learn from and she,

I kind of saw behind the curtain of her lack of ability to have deep conversations

conversations and meaningful conversations with people in her life and speak her truth and be regulated and just be a great communicator of things. And I was like, oh, that's just, that's not my journey or my path to learn from someone that can't be a master orator or a master communicator because you can know all the spiritual things and even spiritual bypass with all the tools. But if you're not here with someone you love in truth and

and in practice of what you're teaching and learning. That's not for me. That's not my... I'm sure it happens more often than not with a lot of teachers. Oh, what do you mean? Where they don't practice what they preach. Don't get me on that soapbox because I will not get off it, honey. I will not get off of it. So the book is out now. It's called The Next Conversation. And this is with Jefferson Fisher. Again,

I had so much fun. We were laughing so hard, just cracking up. So Jefferson Fisher, you can find on YouTube, on Instagram. On Instagram, it's Jefferson Fisher. The book is The Next Conversation. It is available and out now, and I think you guys are going to love it. Thank you, Jefferson, for coming. We'll see you on the next show. We'd love to have you back on. And we love you guys for listening and tuning into Almost 30 Podcast. It's been a while, and we really appreciate you. We have our own podcast.

book coming out soon underneath the same agent, of course, called Almost 30. You can pre-order it now at almost30.com slash book. Okay. Enjoy this conversation. We'll see you on the next one.

My hydration game is back and rocking. I feel like I fell off there for a hot second in the winter months. I don't know why. Sometimes in summer, it's easier to hydrate than in winter. But anyway, I'm back on it and I make sure that I have electrolytes in my water. I use Element. This is a really tasty electrolyte drink mix with everything you need and nothing you don't. It has a science-backed electrolyte ratio of 1,000 milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams of potassium, and 60 milligrams of magnesium. And it's a really good drink.

There's no sugar, no coloring, no artificial ingredients, no gluten, no fillers, nothing like that. And why? Why is having electrolytes in your water so important? Well, electrolytes basically facilitate hundreds of functions in the body, including the conduction of nerve impulses, hormone regulation, nutrient absorption, and fluid balance, among others. And so it's an

important to say the very, very least. It can prevent and eliminate headaches, muscle cramps, fatigue, sleeplessness, and other common symptoms of electrolyte deficiency. I've just noticed such a difference between drinking just regular plain water all the time and adding electrolytes. I feel so much better and I've been upping my game in the gym and it's helped tremendously with recovery and just energy in general.

So I'm excited for you to try Element. I love the raspberry. I love the orange right now. My husband loves the chocolate. You can try all eight flavors right now. They are offering a free sample pack for you, our listeners, with any order. That's eight single serving packets free with any Element order. This is a great way to try all eight flavors.

or you can share it with a friend. Do you know what I mean? Get yours at drinkelement.com slash almost 30. This deal is only available through this link. So you must go to d-r-i-n-k-l-m-n-t.com slash almost 30. This is Primally Pure 318.

You know me, I am all about clean, non-toxic, and I found a skincare line. They also have incredible home products and body products, but Primally Pure is just doing it right. All of their products contain ingredients you can actually read and pronounce. How nice. And just how important. I cannot say that enough. I have been using so many of Primally Pure's products for a long time now. I'm going to walk you through a bit of my skincare routine.

But I have just noticed such a difference in my skin lately. I have been really going hard with their oils and balms and just doing me during my evening skincare routine. And honestly, I think one of like the star ingredients that has made such a difference is beef tallow. Yep. Uh-huh.

Yeah. You don't need chemicals to create results in your skin. And I am proof of that. I've even noticed like I don't even have to wear foundation as much anymore. If I'm doing like a makeup look, I don't really feel like I need foundation. And it's since I've been using some

some of their products with grass-fed beef tallow, and it's unbelievable. So let me walk you through my routine. So I have the soothing mist that I put on every single morning. They have a bunch of different mists, but I love the soothing mist. It's just packed with healing herbs and humectants to target redness, dehydration, and inflammation. It really helps with your pH levels and just strengthens that skin tissue. It's very, very important if you're

microbiome ain't, ain't good. It's not going to take in the products that I move on to my serum. So I love, I love both their plumping serum and their soothing serum. They smell delicious, but that's because they have really pure, beautiful ingredients in there. No perfumes, no nothing. And this really just hydrates my skin. It really like sets my skin. It's so, so good.

And then I move on to the balms. Okay. This is my favorite part. I love their soothing balm. Y'all, it is this blue color that I cannot even begin to tell you how happy it makes me. It has blue tansy in it and tallow from grass-fed cows. This is really, really important for reducing redness and just giving the skin the nourishment that it needs. It's very anti-inflammatory. It's

And that's it. That's my skincare routine in the evening. And it's just so, so good. We don't want to overcomplicate things. Okay. This will overcomplicating things, strips your moisture barrier and stresses out your skin, making it more vulnerable to sensitivities and irritation and acne and premature aging. So we really want simple. We want quality and I

I cannot say enough about Primely Pure. We need to be just as mindful of what we put on our skin as what we are putting in our bodies. Our skin is our largest organ. It is absorbing everything. So

I really, really appreciate Primal Apur's dedication to just that soil to skin ethos. And it is simple. It is from the earth and you definitely feel it and see it in the results. So again, some of my favorite products have their incredible beef towel. If you would have told me like a year ago, I would be putting beef towel on my face. I would have been like, wait, what?

what are you talking about? But it is incredible and it works. The fatty acid profile beef towel is so similar to that of our own skin. So it's non comedogenic and won't clog your pores. It's really amazing. Makes it so smooth. So yummy for our listeners. Here we go. Use code almost 30 to get 15% off your primarily pure purchase. That's primarily pure.com and use the code almost 30 at checkout for 15% off.

Use code almost 30 to get 15% off your Primally Pure purchase. That's www.primallpure.com. And you can use the code almost 30.

I'm really excited you're here for Tess for many reasons in our conversation before. But communication is something that I am obsessed with because I've seen the impact in my life and how much it's changed my relationships and my work and my satisfaction. And just it's made me more of myself being able to communicate. And it's just transformed everything about my experience. So for you, what was like your entry point into communication as something you wanted to teach or talk about? Yeah.

It's been a...

It's been a gift in my life. You don't want to ask me to build you a birdhouse or change out your outlet. I mean, but it was just a gift of, I can see conversations at a very early age. And my parents always, their nighttime prayer was that God would give Jefferson wisdom and always be his friend. And so every night that just poured into me of being able to

see things differently and hear things differently. And I'm an extremely empathetic person. I feel people's emotions. Like if I was driving in the left lane and somebody's behind me, like, oh my gosh, I'm definitely going to move over. I can't, can't even, I can't stand that feeling of like, ah, let me be out of your way. And there, we all know those people that can easily drive in the left lane and they can move to the right. They're not even pissed. They just, they, they

It's never in their wheelhouse. They're just not emotionally aware. I can't watch a movie and there be some awkward part and me not feel this like, I gotta get out of here. When people kiss on TV, I go like this. Yeah. No, like people have been like, are you okay? Because I'm like, what is that? I will mute it. I will pull up my phone and look at something else. Or what I'll do if somebody's arguing, even like if I'm watching an argument because I can't be part of it to help it. Yeah.

I will look on, uh, in Google behind the scenes and be like, oh, they're still friends. Like it's not real. It's not real. I'll have to make like, okay, no, no, they're still good. Yeah, exactly. They really don't hate each other. He didn't actually hurt him. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so it's, uh, it's been something that's been part of my experience forever. And I've, uh, I'm actually a fifth generation attorney. So law has always been in my world and hearing courthouse stories. And I've seen like when I got picked up from school,

It wasn't playtime. It was dad picked me up and put me in the corner of his deposition while he's still asking questions. And I'd go to his trials, my grandfather's trials, and I got to see real things happen. And so it's not just how they communicated. It's how getting to watch how the jury perceived it, how the judge, the bailiff, the court reporter. So it really shaped a lot of

Yeah, how I communicate and a lot of my mannerisms. My mother is extremely kind. And so just a lot of that warmth that they served as a lighthouse for me in many ways. Still do. Bless. Yeah. I was thinking about you as a lawyer and I'm like, because I guess a lawyer would be someone that the precision of your words and the way that you're using your words and the way that other people use their words is incredibly important. Was that sort of...

You know, did you notice that in law? Like, how do you see law being sort of a foundation for your communication? It's not so much law. It's the litigation. Meaning in law school, they teach you how to read the law.

cases, knowing what regulations are, the codes. They don't teach you how to read people, how to handle conversations with grace, how to defuse a heated argument, how to make sure that somebody is not going to say something disrespectful again to you. So it's this different subset. But law in terms of litigation and being in the courtroom, that's what I mean by litigation,

It is a wonderful way of teaching you how your words affect a jury, and that's going to affect their ultimate decision. So a lot of people who've ever seen any of my content, when I make it in my car, they have three points. One, two, three. The same thing I did with the jury. Wow. Because they want short, concise bites. If I were to say, ladies and gentlemen, this is a case about a horrific accident, and I just go, I dribble on. I dribble on for 10 minutes. They might remember something.

a few words. But if I can give a one, two, three, make it super impactful, they're going to retain it better. So you get to learn a lot of that and how they react. Not a lot of non-verbals. Jurors have a sixth sense about whether somebody's telling the truth.

They can tell if somebody's kind of fake crying. Really? Oh, yeah. How? I mean, it's the same thing with you. If you're meeting a new person and you're sitting down and then afterwards you go, you know what? They didn't really feel very genuine to me. Maybe it's not something they said. Maybe it's how they said it. Maybe it's the face that they made. When somebody is being overly complimentary, oh, my gosh, I love your smile.

sweater. It's so fuzzy. Oh my gosh, I wish I had that. You go, no, you don't. It's just, it's fake. Don't tell me that. And so there's a difference between what is said and what is heard when that kind of stuff happens. So it's the same thing in a jury when they have a sixth sense of who they're going to like

And who they're not going to like. And so often the attorney who's being rough, aggressive, I mean, you can imagine this very male dominated, macho, I make millions of dollars. Yeah. It's off-putting to the jury versus somebody who's a lot more warmth and let's explain, let's open up.

Makes a big difference. Wow. So how do we bridge that? Because I think a lot of people listening are probably like, okay. Or I guess, how do you merge the two or understand the two? Because the communication we can kind of control, figuring out how to communicate better, which we'll talk about. But then the aspects of the unseen or the aspects of things that feel inauthentic, is there any science or anything that you've noticed as far as patterns to what people perceive as inauthentic?

It's in the little things that are typically silent. If you ask me something and I need to say no and I kind of barely scrunched my nose a little bit or I kind of looked off to the side. Have you ever been talking to somebody, maybe networking, and they're acting like they're engaged with you, but they're looking around the room for who they're going to talk to next? It's that idea of you can just tell there's a

a sense that you have, a spidey sense that you really can't put a finger on and go, I don't think I like that person. I don't know if I really, it's the vibe, the energy. So I feel like it's a frequency that everybody has and puts off. Does your frequency that you put off like a radio, is it staticky? Does it make you just go, I need to turn that off? Or does it make you want to dial in? Does it make you want to listen more? Mm-hmm.

Big difference in how just the vibe of their frequency is going to feel to you. There's people in your life that when you sit with them, just sitting in the same room calms you down. You just feel like there's a very calming presence. And there are other people that you sit with and they make you just anxious and overwhelmed because they feel erratic.

And all of a sudden you feel nervous. Totally. That's what's, it is so wild about this because it does come back to the energy. It's like the words obviously are very important, but you embodying or being present with yourself. And I think that's when I feel the most taken care of or the most seen or the most connected is with someone that's like facing me, body language, eye contact, like grounded, like, and it's also their mind matches everything.

sort of what's going on. So like a lot of times people can have like a few conversations going on and then they're talking to you. But it's like, if we're here fully, I'm having the same conversation with you as I am in my mind or like I'm fully locked in is when I feel the best and the most seen and the most taken care of. And I think for people that are looking to be, or I guess, what would you say, why is it so important that people get communication right?

What do you think impact it will have on people's lives? For the people that are listening, why should they care so much about their communication? Communication is the thing that connects everything that has happened and will happen. It's impossible not to communicate unless you're not alive. If there's communication, that's one thing, but

When you don't communicate, even when there's silence, you're still communicating something. If I don't respond to your text in five minutes, that says something. If I don't respond to your text in five days, it says something else. That's true. Like in a silence, in a pause, it might be the absence of words, but it's not the absence of communication.

Everything that's led you to this point has happened from your words. In many ways, it is very true that what you say is who you are, Krista. I mean, it's just what it is. For the vast majority of your life, people will only experience you based on what comes out of your mouth, what you say. Like if somebody says something and you just meet them for the first time and they leave, right away you're going to go, I like that person. What you meant is they said nice things.

Or if you don't like somebody's attitude and they're rude, you're not going to like that person. So it's really the power of your words or even go with conflict. Like how you led to who you found now. Most likely if you had ex-boyfriend, ex-husband or whatever, there was a conflict. And how that conflict was handled led to the next event. How you left that job because there was a conflict and you got fired.

let go or you left led you to the next thing. So it's communication is in everything that you do. With relationships, if we were to speak on that, what I've found in my relationships is like

Yeah, it's so interesting you said it was so much the unsaid because it was so much more unsaid than said. And it was crazy to witness because I think my parents would do this too. My parents got divorced. They did their best. But it's like they would be having whole dialogues in their heads that would not be verbalized into words or communicated into words. What's happening there when people, even with their bosses or friends, where it's just the mind is really going and the mind has a lot to say, but they're unable to bring it to words.

Well, a lot of the problem is they're waiting till they're talking to figure out what they want to say. So they haven't done the work ahead of time. All they've done is just expected to go how it's gone in their head.

how they set it in the shower, how they set it. I mean, they make great points when they're driving in their car, but when it comes to meeting that person face to face, they can't, they can't do anything because they haven't, they haven't laid that groundwork. Or let's say you and I come home after a long day. You've been thinking about something you need to talk to me about, and you've been thinking about it for eight hours, eight hours, you've been stewing on it.

I locked into my job and started thinking. You know everything about what you want to talk about. Meanwhile, I get home and you're like, hey, can I talk to you for a second? And then you just dump eight hours worth of thought and emotion that's important to you. I'm catching a cold. I'm not ready. Where does this coming from? And all of a sudden you expect me to carry the same importance and weight to it as you have for the last eight hours when I'm not ready for this.

And so you have 100% of a subject you want to talk about when I have 20% of the bandwidth. It's just going to go south every time.

How would you as a couple then? So, cause that's a situation that happens with people. What would you say? So let's talk about for her. Yeah. You know, if you are stewing all day, what's the strategy that she can take and what is the strategy that the man, if we're saying this is a man can take in that situation? Yeah. One, you always want to make sure you have dedicated time for the important conversations. I'm not talking about like just, Hey, how was your day? It was good. The little bitty things. That's, that's fine.

The big major conversations need to have uninterrupted, dedicated time that you have set aside for it. Even if

That person, you'll have five minutes to talk about it in that timeframe. It's still better to push it off for another five minutes just so you both can ready yourself for what you're going to talk about. Hey, when you get about 10 minutes here in a little bit, just let me know. It's much better to prepare them. So if you're the, let's say from the woman's standpoint in our scenario, you want to use a frame.

And how I teach frames is that you tell them what you want to talk about, how you want to feel after the conversation is over. And that's the big part, telling them how you want to feel after the conversation. And three, you get their buy-in to it. And it sounds like this. Let's say we get home and you've already texted me in the day, hey, can we spend 10 minutes together?

for a conversation that I want to talk about later. Perfect. So we're in that time. You're going to start with, hey, Jefferson, I'd like to talk with you about something you said last Tuesday. You said the name, so that means trouble. Yeah. Well, you know what I mean. Let's just say, hey, babe. Hey, babe. Hey, babe. Hey, babe. Whatever it is. Hey, love. And I'd like to talk with you about what happened last night

And I want to walk away with the conversation. I want to walk away from the conversation or I want to walk away with, I want to end the conversation feeling like X, Y, and Z. So it could be as simple as even, I'm not asking you to fix anything. I just need you to hear me out. Or I just want to say this. I just need to feel understood. I don't need you to do anything with it.

Now, telling me that ahead of time, super helpful. Otherwise, I'm looking at how to fix it the entire time. Then the third step is you're just getting their buy-in. That sounds as simple as, that's not good. Can we do that? Are you willing to do that? Give them a yes before you start. Yeah, because now it's like I've signed an invisible contract. Now I'm in it with you, and I don't want to break my word because I've agreed to it. The key is, for both people, you stay within that subject.

If you don't, if you break out of that and you go, you know what, actually, and you want to bring up five other different things, well, now you've busted out your frame. Now everything is cut loose. Instead, you want to try and dial in just on that one issue. For the guy's perspective, one big part of it is conversations go south when somebody forces you to have a conversation you're not ready for.

So if I need to say, I can tell I'm not ready for this. I do want to talk about this. I can tell right now I'm not ready for a good conversation. I'm not ready for this conversation. I want to talk about it. Let me, can we do it after dinner? Give me some time. You have to communicate that you're not ready. Because when people say, hey, you have five minutes, what they really mean is, hey, do you have about 45 minutes for me to tell you a story that could really waste your time? It means nothing. Like if somebody says, hey, you got a second, it depends. Like, it's like,

Do you have a second to what? Tell me you like my shoes? Are you lying? Yeah. Are you about to just come in and wreck my entire day? Like that's, can you just let me know? Can we put this? Yeah, honestly, let's do the scale. Yeah, I'm going to send you this feedback form so you can go ahead and let me know how that's going to go. I really like the, um,

I really like that frame for women to think about, especially with men, because a lot of men are going to be, what can I fix? What can I do? So expressing the feeling that you're wanting to have. And I also think it's helpful because it gives women the clarity to really think about it. It's like, okay, how do I want to feel? Because I think if you're in the reactive mode of frustration or anger, you could be like, I want to feel fucking.

Yeah. You want to get after it. Yeah. I want to square up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to punch you in the face. So it's like, okay, how can I regulate in my system? Like coming out of the fight or flight. And I think this is a lot of, I want to talk about that too. Like the relationship to the body. Yes. Because so much of it is you getting triggered and then you losing the plot or lose it. You know what I mean? Like this, where it's like, cause I was even thinking for a lot of

previous relationships I was in, if I was like, hey, do you have like 10 minutes? It would be like fucking terrifying. And it was probably me creating the situation that made the terror. But like, I think a lot of people get really nervous with like the request for time because they think they're in trouble. Do you find that? Oh, yeah. It's, let me tell you why that happens. All right. Because it is,

It is telling them that there is something to fear that is unknown. One of the biggest triggers is the fear of the unknown. Now, let's say you and I are working and I text you, I need to talk to you, period. Or worse, we need to talk, period. You're going to think, you want to call me immediately. What happened? What's going on? Oh my gosh, something. I mean, it is, it's over. He hates me. Everything's gone. I've done something wrong. It's all fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. And that anxiety takes over.

That's what happens. And that's why you're saying it feels terrifying for that other person because constantly we're looking to see that fight or flight. Is there a bear in the bush? Like what's going to come out to get me? So our body is already doing that. What I talk about in my book is like these three main pillars of say it with control, say it with confidence, say it to connect. And part of saying it with control is what you just lined out is with your body. So our body is...

Very much tied to how we communicate. When you hear somebody yell, what they're trying to do is scare you away. It's the fight or flight. When somebody says a hurtful word or a word that is cutting, it's because they're trying to physically make you go away. That is a threat. Maybe you said something that undermined me.

And my body goes, hey, Jefferson, I don't. So I didn't like that. That tone that I heard. Yeah. So I didn't like that. And all of a sudden I'm going to get defensive because my body's saying, I don't like this threat. Yeah. I feel triggered by this. Yeah. And there's lots of different ways to feel triggered. Knowing your triggers is very important. But when that happens, your body naturally goes into it. Like right that moment between.

between a conversation and an argument. Like when there's just enough friction that it starts to ignite and things rub you the wrong way.

It kind of just takes over. That's why your pupils will dilate. So you're focused in. Your nostrils will flare to get you more oxygen. You feel like you shake. You get tense because your body's just physically ready to go. Or on the fight or flight, you're wanting to hang up the phone. You want to leave the room. You want to get out of here.

Who, how many times have you said, I can't do this. I'm not going to do this right now. And you're ready to go. It is your fight or flight saying get out of there. Yeah. And that's, it's yeah, exactly. And it's just, it's yeah. Your communication is tied to how your body feels. And so you have to, there are steps that you can use to regulate yourself. So that does not happen. Yeah. I realized how detrimental that was in past relationships was my I'm done.

I'm so done. Yeah, I'm done. I can't. We're done. Yeah. It's like after. I literally cannot. After 10 years of that, it's like, please fucking. I don't believe you. Right. Anymore. Something I want to just talk about and then I want to talk more about the control. Yeah. The three. Yeah.

Was related to the first part where we were talking about that conversation between like a man and woman to say she has something she wants to talk about preparing him to get home. I think something that's so important that you mentioned that I think is a game changer for relationships. And so I think women need to pay attention to do is not loading everything on. So it's like, we're going to talk about one thing. Oh, yeah. And you have to only talk about one thing.

You can't, this is me talking to my previous self. You can't be like, okay, and then this feels good. And then I'm going to talk about this thing and this thing and this thing. Like focusing on the one thing is such an important aspect of communication and relationships. Yes. I like to say, if you're talking about everything,

You're talking about nothing. So true. And even in a business context, you have that meeting and your boss says, all right, everybody, we got a lot to talk about. And you already know right away, you're rolling your eyes going, this could have been an email. When you're talking about too many things, nobody feels like it was a good, productive meeting. Same thing in the intimate conversation. When you're just lobbying issue after issue after issue, especially on the other person, it's one, it wears them down. Two, they're not going to retain anything.

It's much better to go very deep on one singular issue. The most important thing on that frame is telling them how you want to feel or how you want to walk away. If it's, I want to walk away with this conversation with us having alignment or being on the same page or just you hearing me out, not needing to fix it. Any way that you can give them a heads up of how you want to end the conversation.

Because so many times we get in that conversation and you're going, at least from, let's say, in this scenario, the guy's perspective, what do you want? What's your point? And so what do I say? I start to jump in and go, oh, so you want me to do this? You go, no, no, no, no, that's not it. Okay, so I'm still listening. And then later on I go, oh, so you want me to do this? And you go, no, no, no, no, you're not hearing me. I'm like, I'm listening. And it's because at that point in time, you truly don't know how to land the plane. You just, you don't know. Yes.

Sometimes it's like, if you have, as a woman, you like have been in it all day and then you finally have an audience. It's like, you don't want it to go away. I just need you to sit. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, I'll just keep the microphones running, please. Yeah. Yeah. I just need you to just need you to sit. Yeah. Actually, now that I see you're tuning to me, I just want to rip. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But that's, that's what happens because you're trying to

You just get in and you wait until you're talking to figure out what you want to say. And what you'll hear is the person go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. And they start continuing to talk more. And you're just thinking, what's, what's your point? What do you need from me? And now, now you're going, oh, you don't even care. Like you, you weren't even listening to me. And you're like, what are you talking about? It's like you were in circles. I think, okay, so this is a question on communication. So

When you say for people to prepare what they want to say before they say it, I have had issues where I would prepare so much in my mind that I would play out the whole situation. And then I'd be like, you know what? I'm not even going to talk. Yeah. You know, I mean, I've already had the conversation in my head. I'm like, I say this and then they say this and then I say this and then I do this and then we're back to this place. And they didn't even know that I had the whole thing. So how can the people prepare for conversations, but not

create a scenario where they're affirming stories in their head about the relationship and they're allowing breathing room and space for a different texture to arise. So it's like if in our relationship, instead of being like, he always does this, he never listens to me. He never does that. If I say this, he's going to say that. How can I be like, I want to prepare what I'm going to say, but I also want to create a space where

I'm not over-preparing so that you can show up differently. Yeah. So what you do is you prime the conversation and this is how you do it. You're going to tell the person, I have something I want to share, but it's not fully thought out, or I'm nervous about sharing this, or this is going to sound confusing, or this might jump around. You are telling, you're being vulnerable in this moment when you can say, I'm nervous to share this with you.

Would you just listen anyway? And they're going to say yes. That's what's going to happen. Because if they don't, then they're a jerk. Sorry, if I'm like, I'm nervous to share something important with you. I was like, I hope I find a man that says yes. Yeah. I mean, but the thing is, nobody's going to. No, for sure. They're just not going to, particularly in a romantic relationship. And when you can say, this is not fully thought out.

I'd like to say this to you, or I need to say this. This is what's on my chest, what's on my heart, what's in my head. What I'll often leave with is, I don't know where this is going. I just need it out of my head. And so when I can start with, I'm not sure where this is going yet, but I need it out. I need to say this out loud.

It's just letting them know. It's kind of striking that balance, like you said, of I don't want to overprepare. At the same time, I want them to know this is an evolving conversation. Another thing you can do, let's say in the workplace, let's put it for anybody listening in the workplace context, use a percentage. So what I mean by that is let's say you need to throw out an idea. People think when you throw out an idea, it has to be a bow on it. It needs to be 100% of an idea.

And it's for them to decide to say it's great or not. Like you give an idea for a meeting or something and somebody goes, oh, that's a terrible idea. And you go, okay, well, you think of something. Well, use a percentage of, all right, I got 10% of an idea. Y'all let me know on the other 90%. I got 30% of an idea. You're telling them that this is not fully thought out.

You're responsible to help me with the other 70%. We're brainstorming here. You can still do that even in the romantic relationship setting. Okay, I have 20% of a thought here and I'd like to hear you on the other 80%. Love that. And it just tells them that, hey, I don't have everything planned.

figured out. I don't have all the answers, but I have something that I need to say. I need to get out of my head and communicate with you. I love that. It's vulnerability. It's creating freedom. It's like inviting someone in because I like a lot of what you teach is like getting buy-in from the other person. It's like having them be a participant and engaged because

I think that changes it from you just talking at them to like, we're both in this and that brings consciousness, awareness, connection. Um, with my clients, a lot of times when we're talking about things, like I'll make just like the percentage thing, I'll make them rank from one to 10. I'm like, okay, how alive is that for you right now? Like zero to 10, you know what I mean? Just kind of like helping us frame of the priority of things and helping us figure out where to move. Um, when we talk about women at work,

What is some advice you'd give for people on giving and receiving feedback? I think for me, I've gotten so much better at it, but there is like a posturing that sometimes I feel like I have to be in for feedback where it feels different than like normal me where normal me is just like, and then I'm like, let's talk, you know, it's like, I feel like I have to like shift. Right. So how do we as women give feedback better, receive feedback better? Yeah. To give feedback better, you want to...

Never used the word, but so this is what, but, but he said, but yeah. All right. All right. All right. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Big fella. You're like, you know, it's feedback time when you say big fella. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Or big dog. Okay. Big dog is the word, but because this is how bad feedback typically sounds.

I love all what you're doing. I think this is really great. But what I think you could do or you should do, that word but just deleted everything you said before. I think everyone's searching for the but. They're waiting for it. They're waiting for it. They're waiting for it. You can even hear it in their tones. I think everything you did was great and you're waiting for the but. And all you need to do is switch that to and. Simple as that. I love all of this. I love all of this. And what I know would make it even better is

is if you did X, Y, and Z. So when you're using language that adds onto it, so you're building it instead of tearing it down. So it can be as simple as the, I think the project is great. And what would make it even better is you do blah, blah, blah. Or what I would have loved to seen on it too is this. When you're adding onto it,

Then it doesn't feel like you're taking anything away. Now you're kind of being collaborative, saying, I want to help you with this. Another thought is to make sure that you are distancing the object from the person. Feedback goes wrong when you're personalizing it in a way that makes it sound like, yeah, so your presentation, I didn't think it was that great, versus this.

I think the presentation could benefit from a tweak. I'm not personalizing. I've now said the presentation or the- Not instead of yours. Exactly. Got it. Love that. And now you're kind of separating them. Now you're not critiquing them. Now it's a difference between I'm addressing something towards you, Krista, right here, versus let's get that piece of paper and put it over there. Now we're talking about it together. Now we're looking at the piece of-

That piece that's a third person away from us, now we're talking about together. Wow. Okay, so something – and again, I don't know if this is me problem. So that's really helpful for the giving feedback. Yeah. And then receiving it. Yeah.

I think what I perceive is that when I'm in certain states of business, that I have to be very, it's almost like I have to be either feminine or masculine. And like, I feel like sometimes, I know this is crazy.

I'm listening. I'm listening. Guys, his eyes said it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so that sometimes in work I have to be like... For me to be very clear and very direct means I'm more in my masculine and it kind of means I'm more cold and more open. Is there ways of being where you have like a very warm, friendly, engaging tone that's also...

very direct and prescriptive. Like, is there a perfect mix of communication that exists? Do you think? I do. Okay. I mean, there's, you can say, you can say masculine, feminine, whatever. It's, it's, it's really, it's really, no, it's just that those are, you know, stereotypes of what typically bad communicators do. Say why. All right. Because the idea that

You have to be super macho of, you know, let me know. I'm not liking that. Get out of here. Like that kind of language is somehow more confident. No, that's a bully. It's ego driven measuring stick type of communication. On the end of it, you say something more feminine. You have to be extra emotional and go, hey, so sorry, guys. So I was wondering if you totally told me if this is fine, if you don't like this at all, like that kind of stuff.

And that's the opposite. Also equally bad. And so there is absolutely a middle ground. And what my book is going to teach them is this idea of there is a blend of you can equally be warm and also be assertive. You can be kind and also be confident. They're not mutually exclusive. I'm somebody who I try to be warm in my communication. I'm not a cold, heartless person.

At least I hope not. And yeah, I'm actually crazy. You're like good damn old here for an hour. Exactly. Right. And at the same time, it's this blend that you want to make sure that it's, it doesn't matter if this masculine, feminine, it's all in your head. It mostly has to do with your tone and your word choice. That's really the difference is your word choice. Word choice meaning say more.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. So what would be examples of word choices that would be a great mix of both masculine and feminine that you would suggest people use? And then I'll stop with the masculine and feminine. No, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. So let's say anybody. If you want to sound – this is the second step of saying it with confidence is using words. After we have control. Yes. After you have control in your body, your triggers, you're able to control yourself and see those triggers in other people. Right.

That's the big one. And judge them. Yeah. And judge them for those triggers. And judge them for the triggers, yes. And absolutely berate them and guilt them. Yeah. Is you want to use language that's going to serve you better. And it starts with your assertive voice. So people want to, what I hear a lot of times is if I only have the confidence to say, or I'm really building up the confidence to do X, then

but they have it wrong. Confidence is the outcome. It's not the start. You get the confidence by saying assertive things. When you can use assertive language,

you'll feel more confident. And then with that confidence, you then have the confidence to say more assertive things and they start to feed off each other. Like when we were kids, we had no problem saying, no, no, I don't want that. I don't like that. No. Are you, have you seen that, that lunchbox? No, absolutely. I need, I need Marvel. I need Spiderman on my lunchbox. I don't want that. Get the, get that stuff away. So Snoopy. Yeah. Right. And you, you,

You had that assertive voice. You just kind of lost it along the way and you found ways to people please and all that. So here's an example. Unnecessary apologies. Saying sorry when there's nothing you did wrong. Like saving sorries for the real. For sure. When you've really done something wrong. When you've offended somebody. You've hurt somebody. You've made that mistake. But if it's so sorry I'm just now seeing this. So sorry I'm just now getting back to you. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't even see your text.

That kind of thing is why are you apologizing for having priorities? Why are you apologizing for any of that? Your self-worth is not tied to how little of an inconvenience you can be. To always be hesitant in that space is never going to serve you. And so eliminating the unnecessary apologies. Instead, what you do, Chris, is you use words of gratitude.

Thank you for your patience. Thank you for giving me the time to think about this. That kind of thing is...

Not only are you giving them patience, because when you say thank you for your patience, they're going to think, oh, yeah, well, I am a patient person. You're welcome. You're so welcome. And it allows you to come into it with a lot more authenticity every single time. So big one, there's lots, but biggest one is unnecessarily apologies. That's a good one.

I don't do that, but it's a good one. Never. Yeah. I stopped doing that actually. Right. Cause it just, I don't like when people do that to me. Cause it's like, I just, it makes me feel like I have to make them feel better. Well, you know, if I feel like I'm sorry, I'm like, then I feel a pull like, Oh, I have to be like, Oh, it's okay. Right. Right. Yeah. It's the same thing with when somebody says, I hate to bother you.

And it's like, now you have to have a mini conversation. Exactly. Before you actually have the conversation, you have to say like, no, no, no, no, you're not bothering me. You go, oh no, are you sure? I'm not bothering you right now? You're like, no, no, no, you can go ahead. But what are we doing here? Yeah, yeah. Can you tell me? Now all you're doing is saying what I'm about to tell you is going to bother you. Yeah. That's all you can say. Oh, this is going to be a dumb question. And you're going, no, no, no, no. In the back of your head, you're going, what a dumb question. I'm just thinking about, man, your parents really fucked you up. No, no, no, no.

Okay. You said the word authentic. Yeah. And I don't know if you've, I'm trying to think of in your stuff, I've seen you talk about this. How can people show up authentically online? Like, how do you see communication? But I'm listening. I'm like, okay, how, what do you mean? What are they going to do? They're going to need to post things that are more authentic. Yeah.

I mean, everything we see tons of stuff that people post and it's just fake. It's fake. They're not real. And so many times you can see that the person is not. Yeah. They ever hurts when I start this on a podcast. Okay. I get this question a million times. Everybody's asking for this. Nobody's asking you for it. Nobody's asking you to talk about this. Everyone's asking you about my hair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, guys. Everybody's been asking me where I got this. Yeah. Nobody has, you know, it's going to be an ad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. Nobody's asking with this. And plus, it's going to be a bad video because you wasted seven seconds. So true. Hey, guys, I get this question all the time. What are you doing? Everybody just turned that off. So there's a whole lot of...

just surface level facade in social media. I get it. I understand it. It's never going to serve you. Yeah. I mean, Hey, come on, come on in the car. You want to, you want to be real? Have your kids car seats in the back, you know, with my Sonic cup, my Walmart sack in the back. Yeah. Come on. So yeah. If you want to show up more authentically online, it's just showing the real, like during COVID when everybody was home,

That's when people feel comfortable showing the messy buns and the no makeup. Now videos of women putting on their makeup while they're talking. Now it's relatable. So true. Man, I looked horrible during the pandemic. I thought I was like fine. I'm like, oh, it's like, okay. And I look back, I'm like, Jesus Christ.

I'm like, I was. Everybody. Everybody was just. And we were all. Everybody was. Messes. Yeah, but I think that I'm glad that happened because it just adds. Let people be more raw with how they really feel. You're not having to have that polish and shine on everything. Yeah. I mean, I had a lot of doubt when I first started my stuff on. I need to look like a lawyer. I need to have my suit and tie. What does a lawyer look like? Like a.

probably an old white guy. I mean, I need to have, yeah, I'm getting there. But I mean, like if you have your, your law school books in the back or you're in front of your desk and you'd have a tie on. Arms crossed. Yes. Oh yeah. Back to back. Arms crossed. Yeah. How I'm going to fight for them. That kind of, yeah. Yeah. And the cheese grater. Yeah. The cheese grater. Yeah. So you were like, I'm just going to be myself.

Yeah. I'm just tired of the excuses. I have my phone. I have my car, my truck. I guess that'll have to work. And at the time, I didn't, I was in between, I just left my law firm where I was a partner.

and to nobody because I wanted to start my own law firm. So I didn't even have an office. And so that's why it was first in my truck. But I looked up all the stuff of having the best lighting. Actually, I lived there. Actually, that was my home. Congrats, y'all. Y'all were in my living room. That's actually part of my story. My origin story was homeless. Yeah. Thankfully, no. And it was just the... I couldn't make it in the house because

kids and noise and nah I'm not going to do that and I wasn't and I have an office to do anything so I just stuck with the car and

away it went. Wow. And it became what it was. It became what it was. I love when you talk about it. So this is something I want to talk about too. And I love when you, the teachings you've had on this have been so easy and applicable. And I think a lot of women that are listening, they're in situations, whether it's at work or in friendships or with family, a lot of times where there's passive aggressive comments that are made. How do you suggest people deal with people that are passive aggressive?

One of my favorite ways to handle people who are passive aggressive is asking the question, sounds like or seems like. So if you say something passive to me, I could say. It's interesting that you showed up today. Yeah. How nice of you to show up. How nice of you to show up. Yeah. There you go. I like that. Yeah. I could say it sounds like there's more to that.

No, I just feel like sometimes, you know, you don't really come. Yeah. Well, if you have something else on your mind, I'll be all ears for it. You know, I'm trying to show that there's something else that I know is behind it. And I'll still be here even if you're not. And like a mirror to it. You got it. And there's another line, a guy that has turned into a great friend.

His name's Chris Voss. He does FBI negotiating, and he's just fantastic. He's got a book, Never Split the Difference, and it's fantastic. And so his line is, sounds like you have a reason for saying that. I love that line, which is always true because everybody always has a reason for saying that. And even if there's this issue, another one I like to use, let's say it's by text.

is should I read into that? That's such a good one. Stop. Yeah. Should I read into that? I'm obsessed with that. Yeah. Should I read into that? It works. Because sometimes I'm the one reading it in a negative tone. That's a good one. Sometimes they don't... Like if you just respond, sure. Sometimes sure doesn't sound that great. Should I read into that? No, that means I'm going to jump. Yeah. Or...

If somebody says K or okay, you're like, oh, if you said K, well, I guess we hate each other now. I guess we're now enemies, moral enemies. And if you can just say, this is the did you means that I like to use. Did you mean for that to sound short?

Or even, should I read into that? Love that. Is an easy way for somebody to, most of the time they'll say, no, no, no, no. I was just, I was in line and I was, I've been running so sorry. I'm going again, unnecessarily apologetic. Yeah, honestly. Yeah, that's really. It's kind of like calling attention to the truth.

Yep. And that's what I find with communication is it's so much presence. Like I found like the better communicator I am, the more present I am, which sometimes feels like hypervigilance a little bit sometimes. Yeah. But it's like, cause you're always kind of like, especially with toxic people or family, I don't have any toxic people in my life, but it's like, you're kind of tracking what's being said and unsaid.

In those situations. So say someone's like a mother is like passive aggressive and she's like, oh, nice of you to show. Yeah. You know, you're kind of tracking what's being said, but then also what's not being said. Yeah. And I like that you can kind of call it forward to be clarified. Do you do you often find that people double down? They shift like.

Because the reason why I say consciousness is because you're bringing conscious awareness to what's being said, but they're unconscious a lot of times and when they're saying it. Right. So what happens usually? They shift. Most of the time they will change. They won't repeat what they said. They will readjust and almost justify what they said. Oh, I mean, it's just good to have you here. Maybe they said it.

unintentionally and sound passive aggressive. Or maybe all of a sudden they clammed up and go, no, no, no, I'm fine. No, I'm good. And you can tell, okay, there's an issue here. The mistake you make is trying to press on it now. So if you start to go, no, no, really, what did you mean by that? But no, really, why don't you go ahead and tell me now? No, if you have something to say, go ahead and say it. Like that kind of stuff, all you're doing is

make putting them in a corner and that's like a wild animal. It's just going to make it worse. Instead, you're trying to say, I see that I'm open to having a conversation whenever you want, but I see that that's what you're signaling. Wow. Which is so alpha in a good way. And I mean that in like a positive way. So if, okay. So say you've like drawn attention to it in the, in that situation with someone that's passive aggressive, um,

And you've called them forward. You wouldn't want to press on that then, but would you want to set up a time later? Okay. So let's say you just noticed that comment from them and you said something like, should I read into that? And their response doesn't answer it for you. They don't clarify it. They don't. In some way, you can tell it's more passive aggressiveness.

You wait. Don't do it right then. Don't say, no, let's go ahead. You got something to say? Hash it out. That's the worst. You're going to wait. And then you, we talked about, you really want to use a frame. Hey, Chrissy, you see the way you made a comment yesterday. I'd really like to talk about that. And I just want to walk away knowing that we're all good and that if I've done something, I'm all ears for learning about it. That, that all right. So it's, you bring it up later, set time for that discussion. Yeah.

That's going to go a whole lot better for you than saying, if you got something to say, get it off your chest, you know, that kind of stuff. Say it with your chest. Yeah, say it with your chest. I think, so I guess I don't know what's wrong with the people that I'm dealing with, but even if I did do that, I'm like, hey, you know, I thought there was something that came up. Like, I don't know if they're even like...

consciously aware of how they are speaking or what they're saying. They're not. Of course they're not. So then you're just like, hey, I'm available for this if you ever want to talk about it. And then most likely they probably won't and then you'll just move on. You can't force somebody to talk to you. Yeah, that's true. All you can do is create the space for it. And if they choose not to jump in it,

Life goes on, but it's you can only carry what is for you. You can't carry what's for them. Yeah. And so, yeah, if it doesn't work out and they don't want to engage and that's not somebody that you're really close with anyway, life life goes on. But if you can provide that avenue for them to open up.

But of course, most people do not understand or have the awareness of how they sound. Yes. Like even if you were going to watch a recording of yourself, you go, I really, I sound like this. I look like this. Because we sound different in our head than we do hearing it from our ears versus like in our bones. So it's just funny how we think communication goes a certain way. Somebody goes, why are you yelling at me? And they go, I'm not yelling. Like, it sounds like you are. Or.

Or somebody says you have a tone, you go, what are you talking about? I'm perfectly fine. We're not very aware of the signals we're sending. Yeah. What are some signals that people can be aware of to be mindful of? Like how can we take a second to like pause and check in in conversations to make sure that we're sending the right signals? So what I teach is a conversational breath.

And what I like is my big push that I really have a passion in is using your breath as the first word that you say. So there's a difference if you were asking me, hey Jefferson, how was your day? And I went, good, it was good. It was fine, it was fine. Versus you're saying, how was your day? And I went, it was good. It was a good day. I'm sending something very different by just putting my breath first. I'm saying, I heard you.

I'm acknowledging it. I'm thinking about it. And what I'm about to give you has actually been thought about. And when you take a breath like that, it makes you sound more in control. It makes you sound more confident. If somebody says something you weren't expecting and you're like, oh my gosh, no, that's not true. What are you talking about? Versus you are slowing yourself down and saying, I already told you.

I'm not going to do that. The difference of saying, I'm not going to do that. One sounds very confident. Yes. And one sounds anxious, out of control. Totally. The other says, I am confident exactly where I am. Yeah. There's such a lean in when someone takes a breath. You're like, how was your day? I'm like, look at you. You're like, wow, he's really thinking about it. Yeah. Well, or I mean, there's a difference in a breath that's really thinking about it. Or if you ask me, how was your day? I'm like,

I'm communicating something else. It's been a heavy day. It's a sigh. Tell me what's going on. But yeah, the ability to inject a breath

is one of the best tools that's going to also regulate your emotions. It keeps you from yelling. It keeps you from getting all worked up is the breath. It's like always having clarity in the conversation that helps you see what's happening as if you're watching it happen from the seats in a theater versus being wrapped up in it. When we think about control, the first aspect of it, and we think about how do you think about control and how do you think about anger? Yeah.

like showing and expressing anger in relationships? Do you think there's a space for anger in relationships? Like how do we do that so we're not harming people, but we're still being true and authentic to how we feel? Anger is a very valid feeling. Anger is healthy in a lot of ways. I mean, you've heard those people that, can you just get angry with me? Like I need you to get angry in this argument so it feels real. Anger is a very real emotion.

That's kind of a toxic thing to say. It is. It is. But the point is, when you say that anger is something that you don't want to have, I disagree with it. Totally. You want to bring in that emotion. Yeah, I agree. And it is, whenever you can acknowledge that I'm angry about this, or I know that I'm angry about this in this moment, I can tell that I'm angry. If you can use the phrase, I can tell,

about your feeling before you speak is going to give you control over it. I say, if you can claim it, you can control it. Sorry, I just want to double click. I can tell that I'm angry. And I would say that because I wouldn't say that about you. I wouldn't be like, I can tell you're angry. Yeah. You would be the one saying it. So let's say I'm angry or we're in a conversation right now and you give me something that I don't like. And immediately I can say,

I can tell I'm getting defensive. That's a good one. I can tell. Or it's even I can tell I'm not ready for this conversation. I can tell I'm not myself right now. It is communicating. It's not only that awareness, what's going on in here. I can tell that's upsetting me. I can tell I'm getting angry right now. I mean, that's way better than just continuing to stew and get worked up and just having an explosion because you're not giving those –

emotions and outlet like when you um when you're not breathing in conversation and arguments you hold your breath or you have very shallow breathing that's why you feel like really tight and you're behind your ears and your shoulders and so when you want to talk all your breath wants to go out because you've been holding it so that's why you'll project a yell because you're

body is going, I need to release all of what I have in here. So I can, I love that. So it's kind of like pulling it outside yourself, naming it, claiming it. I can tell I'm getting worked up. I can tell I'm getting angry right now. Yeah. And that's a power move, by the way. If you can just, when somebody, if you're in a conversation, you hear somebody say that, I can tell that that's upsetting me. You know that they're very aware of what's going on. They're in control of how they're, they're feeling. Yeah.

Even if you were to say that, that makes me nervous. It's just identifying that emotion rather than becoming that emotion. That's such a good one.

Okay, I'm curious what your nutrition supplement stack is. I know you've heard that like buzzy word stack. I kind of like it. What is your supplement stack right now? For me, and it's been a part of my stack for a long time now, is AG1. I take this before anything. So it's the first thing I put in my body. I make sure to mix it in. I like a room temperature glass of water, but you do you.

mix it up and take it down. It's delicious. My husband loves it as well and fits so beautifully into my routine. So why do I take AG1? It has over 75 vitamins and minerals and whole food sourced ingredients. It really fills in the nutritional gaps. It's amazing. It tastes good. I bring it with me on the go. Sometimes I will mix it into my smoothies. It's helped me with digestion. So I feel like I'm going to the bathroom regularly, if you know what I mean.

It helps with my energy. And honestly, it's just like a cascade effect. When I take my AG1 in the morning, I make healthy choices for the rest of the day. So this like new spring equinox, new year, truly the new year is what I'm calling it, truly the new year.

Try AG1. It's the perfect time to start a new healthy habit. And that's why we've been partnering with AG1 for so long. And AG1 is offering new subscribers a free $76 gift. When you sign up, you'll get a welcome kit, a bottle of D3K2.

Most of us are deficient in vitamin D3. And you'll get five free travel packs in your first box. So make sure to check out drinkag1.com slash almost 30 to get this offer. That's drinkag1.com slash almost 30 to start your new year on a healthier note.

Okay, a good book is great, but what if you had like an endless library of delicious romance at your fingertips? You know what I mean? I am getting into fiction books and Galatea has just made reading so much fun. I am being swept away every single night when I dig into my books. I literally have had moments of like heart pounding. I've had moments of like, ooh, I'm kind of feeling something in my heart. Yeah.

um i can't stop thinking about these stories it's so much fun it's so much fun to kind of get lost in a fiction story and galatea is incredible it's a reading app where anyone craving a little you know me time can dive into a library of romance stories that leave you feeling recharged and fulfilled

There are over 1,000 bestsellers to choose from, from Shifter Romance to Bad Boy Billionaires to Forbidden Love to Werewolf Alphas, Slow Burn Fantasy. Wow. Teen drama and much, much more. They have original series and standalone stories. I think you are going to be blown away. Over 30 million people have fallen in love with reading on Galatea, so join now to indulge in stories that make you feel like yourself again. You know what I mean?

Right now, Galatea is offering our listeners an extra 25% off on top of an already irresistibly affordable subscription when you go to galatea.com slash almost 30. That's G-A-L-A-T-E-A dot com slash almost 30 to indulge in unlimited stories for even less. Galatea.com slash almost 30. A few of my friends just moved in to new homes or apartments and I got them, I think, the perfect gift because when I got this set, I was like,

Oh my freaking God. It's the Our Place four-piece cookware set. It's honestly the best way to overhaul your kitchen with multifunctional, high-performance, space-saving pots and pans that are non-toxic. I did a total overhaul of my kitchen years ago. I needed to get rid of everything that was toxic, anything plastic, the air fryers with the Teflon, the pans with the Teflon, all of that stuff.

gone. And yo, our place has played a huge part in replacing with incredible, incredible cookware and appliances. They have no chemicals like Teflon or PFAS, none of that, that can leach into your food and to your environment. It's really important. It's really important that we are aware of this. So that four-piece cookware set, oh my God.

please. Buying a full set is cost-effective and just smart. Honestly, I use all of them almost every single day and I love the colors that they come in. Yo, I literally leave this set like on my stovetop because it looks so good. Okay. It looks so, so good. And they're easy to clean. It's my favorite thing. I don't mind cleaning them. It's the best.

Also wanted to shout out the Dream Cooker. It is a slow cooker. It is a pressure cooker all in one. It looks amazing and really, really works. I have been slow cooking my tushy off and it's been delicious. So stop cooking with toxic cookware right now and upgrade to Our Place today. Visit fromourplace.com slash almost 30 and use the code almost 30 for 10% off site wide. With 100 day risk-free trial, free shipping and returns, you can experience this amazing

game-changing cookware with zero risk. So again, that's fromourplace.com slash almost 30 and use the code almost 30 at checkout for 10% off site-wide. That one's taking me on a little journey of that. So within, so you would basically, what if you come to, should you not come to a conversation angry? Like we just talked about an example of if you were in a situation where you're like, I can tell I'm getting angry. What if, should you regulate before you approach a dynamic

Rather than coming angry. You don't want to come out and heavy. What do you do to regulate or what do you do to prepare yourself to talk? Yeah. I mean, it's anything that you can do to calm yourself down. You don't want to go into the conversation mad and heated because you're just asking for the other person to be mad and heated. How could you ever possibly think that's going to end well? Maybe that's your thing, but it's not going to, it's not going to go well.

when you're heated because the conversations rarely, if ever, happen how they go in your head. You come down, we're sitting right here and I am expecting you to say, I'm right, Jefferson, you're right.

And you don't, you say anything but that. And I'm thinking, okay, that's not what you're supposed to, that's not what she's supposed to say. She's supposed to say, Jefferson, you're right. This is not how it went in my head when I was in the shower this morning. This is not how it's going to go. And your body's saying, wait, I can't get control of this. I'm not controlling all the variables and it's going to get worse. So you don't want to go into the conversation angry. You're going to leave it angry. Yeah. I think when I was younger, maybe it was like how I saw things.

Yeah, someone cared was if I was angry and then they would match me. Right. You know, I think you kind of recruit people. Yeah. And that's very common. That also happens to be how you're raised. Like we were how my parents model communication is different from your parents modeling communication. It's just anybody's. Yours are better. Stop. Stop it. Like my parents. Get it. Yeah. My parents. Yeah.

They didn't argue out loud in front of us. They would go to their bedroom or they'd wait until we were asleep or whatever. But I had a buddy of mine, his name was Austin. His parents argued, knocked down, dragged out right in front of—I thought they were getting divorced. And I mean, it was just like right there in front of me. He didn't even look up from a cereal. It never even bothered him. And so some people have seen very—they're realizing now a very toxic, terrible thing.

role models for them on how communication should be. And maybe now they think right now that it has to end in toxic crying, fighting for us to have this. Otherwise you don't really mean it. If we're not yelling and fighting, then you really don't care. They just, everybody has different styles. I think what I feel like is the most

toxic in relationship whether it's at work or friendship or relationship in general is like the dishonesty of is anything wrong and someone's like no it's fine you know like yeah when someone keeps telling you no but you know something's not right yeah so how would you handle that with someone

It is letting them know what you feel. Now, sometimes we're wrong. Sometimes we are wrong. We feel like something's wrong and that's just our own anxieties. Yeah. When the other person is truly okay. Totally. They just happen not to smile. Speaking as a guy, we're just fine. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. He's like, won't you guys get it? Yeah, if you could just leave us alone, we'd be great. I got the game playing in my head. Yeah, everything we do is to be quiet in an environment. What are you talking about? Golf? Hunting? Just leave us alone. No, my point is that just because I didn't smile and go, oh, it's so great to see you, doesn't mean I hate you. It doesn't mean I'm super mad. And that goes for anybody. Now, it is...

If it's truly they're being passive, they go, no, I'm fine. I'm good. That's when you can pull in the, it sounds like you, doesn't sound like you're fine. Doesn't feel like you're fine. Now, if they're not going to own up to it, that's again being just more passive. There's not much you can be able to do to pull it out of them, especially if they're being unwilling to do so. But yeah, that's just because somebody says they're fine. I mean, to say you're fine is, is, uh,

It's like you have to read on their tone, not on their words. And that's a whole lot harder. And so it could just be like, you know, I'm feeling like there might be something. Yeah, that's probably that. Can you help me understand? Yeah. I'm feeling like there's some distance. Yeah, that's a good one. Any time you have that kind of awkwardness,

Distance is a very good way of bringing it to light, of saying, I feel like we're two miles apart right now, or I'm feeling like you're wanting to be at arm's length. Any way you can give some kind of metric of distance is going to help you because they'll say, no, no, no, no. Or distance is an easy way of saying, I feel like something is off without saying something is wrong with you. So if you say, what's wrong? What's wrong?

It doesn't mean that how they're feeling is wrong. I mean, it doesn't mean that something is wrong. It just means they're feeling something. And so if you were to use distance as a tool, I feel like you're a mile away from me right now. Like that is a whole lot easier way for them to say, to talk to you about it rather than forcing the...

What you're saying is what's wrong is make me feel better, please. Are you okay? What you're really asking is can you please make me feel better about what's happening here? It's almost like it feels like an encroaching energy of like rather than like distance, it kind of creates a distance. Yeah, it just depends because sometimes it's a wonderful way on the flip side of it to if you're having a hard time in a conversation, I can ask anything.

Hey, are you okay? Are you all right? Like in a genuine way. For sure. Not like, are you okay? Not with attitude. Not with attitude. I've done that. Yeah. Are you okay? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And nobody likes it that way. But if it's truly genuine, that can be a heartfelt way of trying to connect with somebody.

But often when you can use distance as a tool to try and bring that a little bit closer together. Because it's also too like the person that loves you, they want to, you know, they see that as like, oh, I want to.

close that distance gap. Yeah. Not just like, and it's a little bit less nebulous than like, are you okay? Because then you have to kind of search within. Exactly. And you can kind of talk about the space between rather than like yourself in there. Yeah. To say like, oh, where they are is a bad place. Yes. You're talking about the space now. If I were to say you feel far from me right now, like that's a very powerful way of pulling the, I can tell something's not connected. I'm not saying it's your fault. I'm not saying anything you're doing is wrong. I just want to talk about the distance between us. I love that. Yeah.

What about self-care? Like how is speaking up for yourself a form of self-care? Speaking up for yourself is a way of telling you that you matter.

I think that it is so prevalent. Everybody, myself included, of just doubting who we are and doubting what we're doing. It's imposter syndrome. You doubt your purpose. You doubt where you are. What am I doing here? Why am I even in this relationship? Why am I at this job? And you have these why, why, why. It can be...

So much self-care to know when you stand your ground and say what you mean, the mean, what you say is going to embolden you to hear a voice that you hadn't heard in a long time. I had a buddy who, uh, he was very, he was in a bad relationship and I was helping with him on just confident assertive phrases. And he,

He was like, man, you should be so proud of me. I just did. You know, I said that thing that I need to say. I'm like, that's awesome, man. But just that right there. He's a good color of pitch. Like, you don't have to say that. No, no, no, no. Yeah, absolutely not. But it made him feel like, okay, I can. Now this is what this feels like is what he was saying. It's addictive. Yeah, he's like, this is what this feels like. And it's that whole assertive confidence loop of the more you do it, the better you get at it to where you now know that,

You don't have to go anywhere. Like confidence is very quiet. Insecurities are very loud. So it's allows you to be able to stand still in, in communication. Yeah. And you know, you're not abandoning yourself. It's like, I think you always have to like find the self or find the voice or find like, even with your friend, it's like, okay, to speak your truth, you have to know what your truth is. Yeah. So you have to be like, okay, what's my truth here?

My truth here is here. I don't like this or I don't, you know, this doesn't feel good. Okay, cool. How can I say that in a way that's helpful? Like if you want the conversation to go better, you're only seeing 10% of the true issue. 10% is the communication. 90% of it is what goes on before you open your mouth. Yeah. That's how you make it go better is to do the work on the

internal to make sure that what you want to say is truly how you feel because you've been in those conversations where somebody's like, well, I mean, here's my thing. I really don't. And I mean, what I don't, and they're not even sure how they truly feel about it. Yeah.

Well, that's where you go, I'm not sure how I really feel. I just need to say it out loud. I mean, that kind of stuff is much more communicative. And the whole point of the self-care is that it allows you to define where your boundaries are. I mean, it allows you to kind of give a manual and allows you to step into it instead of saying, you can't talk to me like that. It's, I don't respond to that tone. You can't yell at me. I don't respond to that volume.

Like that kind of stuff, far more powerful than always being in this secondary weaker position. And that's also an I statement instead of a you statement. Because every you statement could be an I statement. So you're saying like, I don't respond to that. Yep. Rather than you shouldn't be talking. I think that's. Yeah. I think for everyone listening.

Thinking about I statements. Don't you think? Oh yeah. I statements instead of you. They are incredibly powerful. If you want something that's going to just jumpstart your self-worth, start using I statements. That's so true. Instead of you can't do this. You, I can't believe that you did this. Yeah. You flip it to turn it into the I. What's like one or two things in the book that you think would be really helpful for a woman that's wanting deeper, more authentic relationships?

friendships romantic so one thing i'm gonna i'd want to give them this is when you're in a any kind of relationship whether it's romantic at work and somebody says something to you that you believe to be hurtful and it's to cause you pain whether it's the backhanded compliment whether it's to belittle you in some way whatever that is is you're going to ask the question did you mean

did you mean for that to hurt me did you mean for that to embarrass me did you mean to say that out loud did you whenever you can use the did you mean it's not you catching it so when you when somebody says something hurtful they're throwing it at you and you have the choice whether to catch it carry it and throw it back

What I try to teach is you just let it go. Let it fall to the ground and look at it like, is this what you said? And when you can say, did you mean, it just puts a spotlight right back on them because you're not giving them that sense of power to be able to do anything with it. Now they have to kind of

realize that it's not going to be all that fun for them the next time they say something rude to you another that i like to to point out is for to never apologize when you're crying in an argument there is the default tendency that if you get tears in an emotional conversation that it is a flaw something's wrong and so they'll say i'm sorry i'm crying right now i'm so sorry like don't

Just grab that and throw it in the trash. Don't ever apologize that you cry. Instead, what I want you to do is label the tears. These are tears that care. These are tears that are frustrated. These are tired tears. I mean, it is just, it is your stress in liquid form. The higher the tension, the higher the release. That's just what's going to happen. So I don't ever want them to apologize that they have

They're crying in any kind of argument. And if you're on the flip side and somebody's crying, you don't acknowledge it. You don't say, oh, great. I'm crying again. Here we go. Let me guess. Yeah, we need to. My favorite is to call him a pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's never going to go. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But the biggest thing is you just don't want to, you don't want to acknowledge any of that. That's never going to go. On another, let's say a third piece of communication advice that I would give women in the workplace is,

Watch your adverbs. Those are your words that end in L-Y, like literally, essentially, basically. So clearly, obviously, just as one, like as one, very, those are all really all adverbs.

Because there's a big difference of let's just put it in a scenario. Which one sounds more assertive? So basically what I just have to say here is, and I just need to say this out loud. But I mean, essentially what I'm trying to say is versus just saying the statement, getting rid of all of that. Because all you're doing is just adding things.

Adding ice cubes to your drink, you're watering it down. You want to serve your words neat. You want to find ways to get rid of all that. Especially in written communication. If you're going to write an email, get rid of the just. If you say just, I just want to check in. It sounds hesitant. Get rid of it. I wanted to check in. I wanted to hear from you instead of I just wanted to hear from you.

So get rid of the likes, the just, and any of your adverbs. You don't need them. Literally, you don't need them. I think you said that for me. I did, yeah. I tried to save it. Jesus. Trying to save it right for you. Literally, you're like, oops. Yeah. Just said it. Something that you've said before that was really powerful just to bring this home to that I witnessed actually in a friend one time and was just blown away by it.

was if someone says something that's rude or passive aggressive is you pause and you almost act surprised by it. Yeah. And you kind of give it a little space of like shock. Right. And I've had a friend, I witnessed a friend do that to someone that said something to her. And the power move of that was so such a sight to see. So good, right? It was, she was just like,

Huh? Yeah. Like it was like, you are weird. Yeah. And I'm not saying that, but what you said, I'm picking up what you're throwing down and I'm not responding. It was such a power move. Yes. Though it's just the power of a pause. Yeah. Because in that, let's say five to seven seconds of nothing, the other person's talking still in their head. And what they're saying is, okay, wait, that didn't hit. It's like telling a joke that nobody thought was funny. Now it just, it fell flat.

Oh, now I regret it. I shouldn't have ever said anything. And so people often say, I shouldn't have said that. Sometimes they'll jump in front of it or they'll readjust and try and see if it'll hit again. But yeah, when you can just have that moment of, huh,

Okay. Like this is like, yes. Oh, all right. This moment of, it's just not going to happen. And because they're not getting that hit of dopamine, they're not getting the satisfaction of you. If you're going, excuse me, who do you think you are? Like that kind of stuff is not going to ever fly. So often I will, what I will teach is you can either just let that go or you'll ask them to repeat it. Most of the time they don't, they don't, they don't like doing that. If I can say, um, can you, can you say that again?

They don't like that. Or I didn't catch that. What was that? Or if they don't repeat it, you can even repeat it yourself. So if somebody said something hurtful, you'd be, I am an idiot. I just want to make sure that's what you said. And they're like...

Okay. Like any way that you can just call that, they're going to realize that was not fun. Like I didn't get what I was expecting. I didn't get what I wanted. It's just going to draw it away. It's so good. It's a power move when you can just not respond. Yeah. I've seen it too. And like a big, let's say it's a group of eight people and somebody has a backhanded compliment instead of getting super ashamed by it. You just say nothing.

And you kind of look around the room as if, did y'all hear what I heard? Yeah. And you just don't say anything. Yeah, no, you're just like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's telling them that the next time you do this, it's going to be equally as awkward. You're just making it not fun for them. Because there's an energy in groups that's kind of created or being moved. And so when you can stop it, and you're like, there's such a.

power to that. Yeah, it's the same thing what we said at the beginning. It might be the absence of words. It's not the absence of communication. What you're saying is, and it's twofold. On the external, what you're saying is, this isn't worth my time. I'm making the choice right now that I'm not even going to pick this up. Internally, it's telling your body, that's not a threat to me. This is not a trigger. There's no button being pushed. There's no button. Yeah. So the book is

The book. Yeah. Let's talk about the book. How are you feeling? I'm nervous. I know. It's my first one. Oh, my God. It's my first one. It comes out in March. Okay. What day? 18th. Okay, cool. Yeah. And it, very first one, never thought I'd ever write a book. Really? No. I didn't even think of, I make videos in my car. Did you know that? You're like, I can't read. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know that? I can't read. Yeah.

I didn't know you could read. And I mean, I do. What was the impetus? People ask for it. Yeah. I mean, I started the video. I never thought.

It's like somebody telling you, hey, Krista, just so you know, in about two years, you're going to be doing something that would never come to your mind in a million years. And oh, hey, a lot of people are going to watch it. Like you just have no idea of. It's a totally different world. I can go to school for this and read a blog about it. So I don't know. And yeah.

It's just people really, really kind, wonderful people said, you should write a book. You should write a book. And I thought, I guess I'll figure out how to write a book. So I was going to self-publish it. And then. Does she find you? Yes, girl. She found me. My girl.

Shout out Tess. We have the same agent, Tess. Yes, and she's fantastic. She's just beyond. I love her. I could do a whole episode on Tess. I could too. Have you seen that about the animals she fosters? No. You guys aren't that close. I guess not. It's embarrassing. Oh yeah, I feel embarrassed. I get the updates on the animals. I'm like, okay, did this one get adopted? Well, I mean, you know, there's a... You might get others. I'm not going to share like the...

Okay, true? True? You know. Yeah. She's not going to share the more soft stuff with me. Mm-hmm.

I get the tough love. Yeah, you get the tough love. Yeah, yeah. She's just got a good read of good people. And it's nice to even think about her in my life because I'm trying to affirm this year how I'm supported. Oh, that's wonderful. You know, just finding, okay, because a belief that I've had in the past is that I'm not supported. I have to do everything on my own. So it's like, how can I affirm in people and relationships? Like Tess is a great example. Like I'm supported. Yeah. This person is supporting me. I did that same thing when I first, my stuff started growing.

popping off, going nuts, going nuts was I felt extremely alone. I was very lonely because nobody in my world could relate to what's happening, let alone me. And Tess and I were really talking about just how do you find people at your table, make you feel like you are supported and you have people that you can talk to. That was huge for me. And Tess is certainly one of them. I mean, she's just been, she's just been awesome. So we, um,

I wrote a book somehow and I wrote all of it. I was very happy about that. I had a book coach. I don't think so. That was Blake. That would.

And, um, well, and Blake was my second one. The first one I had, she was wonderful. We just didn't. Yeah. It's really important. We didn't what you call G hall. Um, we didn't, we, we just didn't know. We didn't, uh, um, yeah. Yeah. Uh, it's a very intimate, deep. It was. Yeah. For everyone listening, just when we talk about book coaches, it's for us, it was someone that helped us with deadlines. Yes. Hitting, like understanding how to, how to create,

write the book in a way that was effective. So you have deadlines. Ours read through our stuff for me and Lindsay, cause we wrote separately. So you should make sure it looks cohesive. Yeah. But it's like kind of just someone that helps you with the process. It doesn't write for you. Correct. Yeah. They don't write a word of a, of it. He was just, mine was Blake Atwood. He's in Dallas. He's fantastic. He would do help me write,

making sure I had like deadlines because nobody tells you this is how long it should take to write a book. This is like your, your landmarks of like, yeah, this is when you need to have stuff by and maybe of just structure. But otherwise it's just, it's,

It's all my, all my words. Yeah. And I'm very, very excited about it. I can't wait. You're such a, I mean, obviously what you do, but just an amazing teacher. So clear, so concise. Everything is so actionable, so helpful. Thank you. And I just love that this helps people live better, more authentically, more truthful, more connected. It helps people have better relationships. Like I think when we think about in my space of personal development and self-help, it's

We can talk about a lot of different things, but I think communication is really the access point to us living a life that we love and having relationships with people that we love. And living more fully. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I got on the title of the next conversation of that. It's

when they, people watch my stuff or they, they, uh, engage with it in any way. It's, it's not, they've already had that, that past conversation. They've already had that. They're listening for the next one. They already know what happened. They're wanting to know how to handle the next one. And, uh, I, I, I truly believe you can change your life with, with what you say next. And it's, it's all it takes. That's amazing. That was a great ending. Thank you. You like that? I think

I think you should have a dinner series. What's a dinner series? You should have like a dinner series where you go around the country and you like have people practice and work on and work through different communication things. Do we eat dinner? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's a dinner table thing. So it's like people, maybe they're influencers, maybe they're other people, but it's like people could practice and kind of be in the practice of this. Because I think that's the thing is people need to practice. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a lot of that. Yeah. I started a membership two weeks ago. You did? I did. And that's been really, really cool. Oh, I love that. So I first started with...

kind of private group coaching with people. And that's been really, really fun. It's so fun. And I, I'll tell you what's been kind of cool is I built an AI that has all of my content, every as my book and as every podcast I've been on. And every time I post a video, it gets automatically in it. And so people use it to like, tell me how I should text this to this person or fix my email or, and it's really cool to see how they're applying it. And that's really awesome.

Yeah. And so, I mean, the reviews on it for the past two weeks have been nuts. It's blown my mind. Is it an app? Yeah, it's an app. And so, but we're, and we're making it to where, this will come out later, but trying to get it to where it's, they can do it straight within Instagram and tied to it so they can just have it right there. So they're you. Yeah. Yeah. And then they can, and then I have an actual text number so they can just text me. So that's, that's what we're working on next.

But yeah, the use for it is off the charts. But it's been cool. So I'm just figuring it out. And yeah, I love, I never imagined and dreamed that it would be like this. So it's just really, it is fun. I get to meet awesome people like you and we get to just. That's the, being in this space, you'll meet the best people ever. Yeah, I have. Yeah, I guess that's true. Fuck after. I'm just kidding. I don't really know much, but you'll meet amazing people and some people not so much. Stay tuned for Jefferson and Krista After Dark.

Honestly, we talk shit. We're like, I'm like, literally, this person sucks. Yeah, it's just all the tea. You haven't been in this space long enough to get the tea. Yeah, no, not yet. My brother. Oh, really? Can get around to my side soon. You've been in the space, but you've been doing your thing in your car. So now that you're out of your car. Yeah, I've just been in my car. It's where I live anyway. So yeah. Okay, guys, we'll see you later. Thank you. Love you. Bye.

Thank you so much, Jefferson. Again, that was Jefferson Fisher with Almost 30 Podcast. And the book is The Next Conversation. You can find Jefferson all over social media. I love his YouTube. I love his Instagram. We are so grateful he came on. And there are 750 more episodes of Almost 30. You can get the daily dose of Almost 30 on our second show, Morning Microdose. It has the greatest hits. It has...

like our TikTok of the podcast. You can listen to that for motivation every single day, ad-free, almost30.com, and then almost30podcast, all of our social media.

All right, y'all. We love you. Thank you for listening. We'll see you on the next one. Bye. Bye.