Bobby & Morgan Jay Are Eskimo Brothers
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Hey.

We got the merch. Bad Friends. We got the merch. We got the Bad Friends merch. Bad Friends merch. Look, we've got the fans submitted. We're working with the fans on designing the merch now. And this is one of the hoodies that we've got. And this is embroidered. This is embroidered. And that one says, I'm Bobby Mom. And can I say something? And it's beautifully embroidered. It's patched on there. It's gorgeous. And it's at badfriendsmerch.com. Go to badfriendsmerch.com. You two are bad.

Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Come here. What? Somebody. Look at this. I can't see. What is that? Just come. Please look at it. What is that? Is that dip? Is that like a... What is this area right here, dude? That's a croissant jelly type shit. Look at this area right here. I see it. What is the white thing?

Taste it, McCone. No, no, no, don't taste it. But listen. Paper? Can you clean that or? Do we have those disinfectant rags? This is insane, dude. You clean his side, but my side's like this? They don't clean my side. I just don't get it dirty like you do.

That's a big difference. Yo, what are you doing, bro? I'm nervous. Just wipe it. Just wipe it. You don't let it soak. It doesn't soak. What was that evil laugh? Do that evil laugh. All right, that's good. I'm letting it soak? It doesn't soak. No, you don't. No, you don't know how to soak it, dude.

- It's fine, let's go. - Yeah, I soak so good. - Mormons do. - Some people do. - Mormons are the big soakers. - Some people do. - Super soakers. - Mormons are the super soakers of the world. And then what's a kid that goes underneath the bed and rocks the bed? What's his name? So they soak, right? 'Cause they can't have movement. So they stick the wiener in, they don't move it. And then someone goes onto the bed and pushes it

The kid from the grudge. Right, that's who it is. I call it the kid from the grudge. See, look at this. Shaking the bed in Mormon. It's something commonly done by Mormon teens expected to remain virgins. It's called jump humping. Jump humping? So the guy gets under the bed and moves the bed. Last night, where were you? I was at home. I was at my friend's show. I didn't feel good last night. Oh, yeah? Can't you tell? I'm all clogged up. My back is killing me. Love you, dude.

- Okay, stop. - Now I know I was supposed to go last night. I texted Cho. - It was wild. - I texted Cho today. - It was wild. - I apologize. - Last night I'm at the comedy store and I see this sickly guy, not sickly, handsome, skinny, you know, talented. - You mean in shape?

That's what I meant. Yeah, like an in-shape guy. You're right. That's resentment talking, I think. Yeah, dude, put that away. Let me put that aside. Put that in the holster. Because you're looking skinny lately. How many people on tour commented that the Ozempic must be working because you look skinny? We heard it the whole trip. Jeremiah Watkins called me fatty. He goes, what's up, fatty? And I could not believe it. Yeah, but he's like paper. He's like a wispy thin guy. He attacked me.

Anyway. Why did he call you Fatty? I don't know why. Who started it? He did. He just came up to you and goes, hey, Fatty. Yeah. Wow. It was incredible. And that Dr. Phil stuff's going to his head, huh? I think that's what it is. Til Coney. Til Coney? Kil Coney. Is that our version? Welcome back to Til Coney. Til Coney and Dr. Phil got to his head. Yeah. Anyway, so last night this guy comes up to me. Yeah. Morgan. Morgan.

- Jay, is it Jay Morgan or what would have happened? - It's Morgan Jay. - Okay. - You really think his, you think Jay Morgan, you've known him. - I know, but I thought he switched it. - No, no. - I've never heard anyone with the last name of Jay. - Everybody says Morgan Jay, Jay Morgan all the time. I don't know why that happened. - Yeah, yeah. - Because of two first names. - Yeah, I guess. - That's your fault. - It's my first and middle name. - Right. - It's my fault. - What's your real last name? - Venti Cinque.

Are you really? Venti Cinque means... 25. 25, yeah. No, don't do that. What's your real last name? He doesn't want to do it. No, it is Venti Cinque. No chance. It's not Venti Cinque. Give me your ID. Are we introducing me yet? Not yet. No, but we're just doing this right now. Venti Cinque. You let us take control of the show, Venti Cinque. All right. Venti Cinque. Where did I put my wallet?

There's only one part of that last name I love. I can't believe this guy, Venti Cinque. I can't believe this guy, Venti Cinque. Look, I swear. This Venti Cinque comes into my house. Every time. Wow. They won't even let me. Bro, he even has a hot driver's license photo. Look how hot he is, dude. He's hot in the photo. He's got a side. He's side. Venti Cinque. He's doing one of these. He's doing one of these.

- Yeah, so change your middle name. - I went to my first, no, no, it's always my middle name, Morgan J. - Morgan J, Morgan J 25. - Yeah, 25. It's a weird last name. There's a whole weird story in Sicily about it. - Okay. - You're Siciliano? - Siciliano. Let's fuck it. - Here you go. - Same, dude.

And man, you are fucking hot. Everyone else has to face forward when they take the picture and they usually say don't smile. He's so hot. They let him go sideways and smile. You are a hot guy. You're fucking sexy. Morgan J is in the building. Give it up for Morgan J. I got an intro, man.

Yeah, I was taking too fucking long. Oh yeah, yeah, what? It was too long. Oh yeah, yeah. Can I just say what I'm gonna say and then? Oh yeah, say what you want. Let me say what I wanna say! Say what you wanna say. This is his favorite, let him do this. He hangs out with Benny Hobbs, Little Two Eyes, Jimmy the Cricket. He knows Jimmy the Cricket. He knows Jimmy the Cricket. How long you know Jimmy the Cricket? How long you know Jimmy the Cricket?

So last night he comes up to me nervous. Yeah. He goes, I'm a little nervous. I go, about what? He goes, I wrote down questions. No, I wrote down talking points. Okay. It's not quite, I wrote in case, sorry, go ahead.

I'm going to show you, Andrew. Every time you interrupt him, he's going to do the fucking thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the... Let me see some of these questions. This is what I showed him. All right, so some of the questions that he wrote down or some of the talking points...

Making this list because I feel like I'm not a good podcast guest. Did Whitney's podcast? She never put it out. Did Dumbfoundead podcast? We had to redo it. I did Tiger Milf podcast. She didn't put it out. Tiger. Oh, yours? No, not mine. Oh, Jay Young Summers. Wait, wait. Hers is called Tiger Milk? Tiger Milf.

She's your protege. She called hers Tiger Melf? Yeah. I don't fucking know, I guess. Yeah. Okay. All right, so listen.

You did Whitney's and she never put it out. No, she never put it out. But that's also because she could have taken the wrong pill that day and forgot to post. Then you had a colonoscopy on Friday. Yeah. And the drug they gave you felt good. It was the Michael Jackson drug, like propanol. Oh, propanol. Right? It was good. That's good. Carlos, don't nod so fast. Can I just finish my intro real quick? Brother, we're already there. No, I'm not there yet. He says another thing. He says another thing.

He says another thing. What do I say? I'm so nervous. I'm with somebody. He gives me the list. Who are you with? A comic? A young lady. Oh, a nice lady. Then he goes, I didn't even ask. He goes, I got a vasectomy. Stop. Then he goes, I swear to God, he goes, you want to see it? Stop. I was so nervous. I go, we're on the patio. I go, I didn't even ask.

- You're the guy who shows his pubes to audiences. - And then, right? He goes, "Do you wanna see it?" And I go, "We're in the patio, there's people around. What the fuck is your problem?" - He's the guy who shows his pubes to people on stage. I thought it was-- - This makes sense. - I thought that was your energy. - This makes sense. - Oh, you can't match my energy. - You can't, what is this? - Okay, you can't match it. My energy is my own frequency.

You can't match it. Did Ozempic shrink your hands? Look at your little finger. I know, dude. When you went like this, it looked short. I wasn't really going to do it, but I was nervous and I just was vomiting. Can I see it? I do want to see it. A vasectomy? Yeah, can I? You really want to see it? I'd love to see it. We're not going to put it on camera, but I'd love to see it. You've got to see it. I don't want to see it. I want to see it. I refuse to see it. I've got to see it. Why did you get a vasectomy? Because you never want to have kids. Look, there's a scar right there.

Okay, you have nice testicles, dude. My testicles are very pink. You're real bald. Well, I shave my balls. You shave with a razor or with like a... I shave with a razor. Most of us Italians, we don't shave our balls. I shave with a razor, yeah. You go down on women. Yeah, fuck yeah. Italians don't do that neither. We don't do that.

- Oh, that was in The Sopranos, right? He didn't want to eat his- - That used to be a faux pas for Italian Americans to go down on. It was like, "You suck my dick." - You wanna see it? - I just saw it. - You didn't see it. - I saw the pink sack. - All right. - Nice color. - Beautiful sack. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Nice color. - Beautiful sack. - So I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry. - No, it's all right.

I'm sorry. Wait, let's back up. You're 37 years old. Yeah. And you got a vasectomy because you never want it. You're like no kids ever. Are you married? I got a, I got a serious partner I'm with, but we're in an open thing and, uh,

I'm dealing with something right now. Currently, we don't know for sure if this girl's lying or not about a pregnancy. - Oh boy. - That kind of put the fear of God in me. - Oh boy. - I just was like, you gotta change things. - What'd I tell you? - No, what'd I tell you? - No, you told me. - What'd I tell you? - I mean, you told me last night. - What the fuck I tell you? You don't fuck Ohio. - You don't fuck girls in Ohio. - You don't go Midwest and fuck them. - Yeah, you gotta-- - You told me, Miami. - Isn't that where Whitney's kid is from? - Miami. - No, but another comic-- - Texas. - Another comic was, you gotta hook up, can I have my phone back? - No.

- Another comic was saying like, you can't hook up with girls in small towns. If you do it in a big city, it's like- - Oh, I didn't tell you that? Oh yeah, you told me that somebody told you that. - Yeah, somebody told me that, yeah. - Wait a minute, because if you do it in a small town, she'll probably have the kid. - No, it's just like, you're like, I don't want, you're like the coolest thing to happen in that town. Like if you fuck a girl in Miami, she'll fuck a football player the next day, you know what I'm saying? - Or before she fucks you. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, literally. - Or you might be the appetizer and then she- - But yeah, but me and my girl, we've already like talked about how we don't want to have kids and stuff. - You don't bag it?

No, I do. I do. And this, this, this, my cum was nowhere near this person. So now I'm like, Oh, that's even. Okay. What do you mean? What do you mean? He's saying the person that claimed pregnancy, he, there was no, there was no interact. There was no transactional jizz. Yeah. No, sometimes I can redirect my jizz. And they haven't. I really can.

You're just watching an old Asian man with his hands behind his back strumming through the street. I know. And by the time. It takes a break to smoke. By the time. By the time it comes out of your penis. She's home. Sludge. Yeah, she's gone. She's already at home. She's gone. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. But yeah, so I got in just out of an abundance of caution. And also, you know, the next four years are going to be tough on women. So I figured I'd get my nuts snipped up anyway. All right. Because Trump might take away. Because I did this before the election. I did this in September. You did.

- It is in September, yeah. - You have cute, bulgy eyes. - I'm not high, bro. - No, but the bulging, I like. - Oh, I brought you guys a gift. - Do you smoke weed in general or no? - I don't do anything anymore. - You quit every, you sold? - I'll have a drink like for special occasions, but outside of that. - Good for you. - I know you guys get a bunch of free shit all the time and you guys might, you don't have to keep this. You can give it back to me if you want, but I know you wear beanies sometimes. - He loves beanies. - I have the LOL, ha ha ha beanie. - Love, throw it. This is fantastic.

I have these two lighters. This one's for you. Love. That one's for you. Yeah, well, that one's not good. That one's for you. Oh, look at this. It's a... Oh, it's titties. This one's for you. Yo, this is great. Oh. You sell these at your show? It's Doc's penis. I got those.

- I got those in Europe. - Thank you. - I got those on my trip before. - I missed the hug. - And I just, yeah, you can have it. And then these are the, what's your name bro hat. - Let me see. Oh, okay. This is from your show. - This is from the show. - Wow. - So I don't know. You feel free to give it to somebody. - No, this is beautiful. I'm gonna wear this. I rock this. You know what's so funny? - Let's just hide the lighter so I don't have to block the whole episode. - Okay. - Do you have to block that? - Yeah. - It's a... - You too.

Go ahead, express yourself. Can you hit me a little song there? Do you want like inspirational piano music? Yeah, inspirational piano. Yeah. Okay, let's see. No, I have another one. No, we like that. There are times on the podcast when I'm sick and tired of the Spaniard's bullshit. Why can't we fire him? Are we waiting for him to be deported? He's worthless. Ooh.

A disgusting porg of a man. Thank you. Great. Thank you. Thank you. Do you like my sound effects? I really like it. Thanks, man. Very good. You know, usually sound effects don't get involved. You know what I mean? But I thought this is the right time. Sometimes you got to. I thought it was very appropriate. Is this on? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Here we go. Yeah. Let's go.

Yeah, the Bad Rants podcast. Why is Bobby Lee accusing me of being on drugs? Do you want to do some of this? Yeah. Do you want to try it out? Okay, you can try it out. Just get it close to your mouth. I know how it works. Doesn't sound like it. Now I know how it works. Put away the other mic.

i know how it works sick little italian bastard bulgy eyes big teeth just like a cartoon character from disney

It's fun, isn't it? No. You want to try it? You want to try it? Ooh. Hold on, hold on. Oh, my God. You got to get closer to it. You got to get closer to it. You got to get closer to him. Ooh.

Here we go. Oh my God, he's killing it. That's great. There it is.

♪ Asian next to me ♪ - It's fun, dude. - It's fantastic. - Really fun. - So what I said was to Morgan before the show, I said, "Dude,

I love what you do. Yeah. I said, but you've also done a disservice to our comedy world because he's so good at this and it's so wonderful. I see people copy him online. We were talking about, there's people in other countries who are doing this now as standups trying to be him and they're fucking...

- There's a guy from Portugal doing it, a guy from Germany doing it, Russia, like these different countries are franchising. - Stinks. It's so weird. They're like, they're trying to do this thing, but it's so bad.

that it bums me out because it's almost like you wish you could copyright your style. Do you know what I'm saying? - Yeah. - Because whenever somebody, if you're weird and you suck, but you're unique, I like you. - Yeah. - I said that to him, I like it. But if you're weird, but I know you're doing an impression of another guy, can't fucking stand it. - But I mean, some people accuse me of being like a kind of like a poor man's little Dickie sometimes too. I get that a lot. - Only because you have curly hair, bro.

But we also do the auto-tune stuff. Yeah, but Dave is... You know, I've met him three times. I feel like I botch the meeting every time. You know what? Let's get to this. Well, he's Jewish. I want to get to this part of your personality. And you know how they feel about Italians. Okay. Yeah, that's a problem. This part of your personality. Why does it feel like I'm coming in here and I have to defend myself? To me? No, to him. Like right across from you, I feel like I have to defend myself. He's always shooting.

The kids shooting what is it? I'm nervous, dude Don't I make you feel comfortable you'd maybe feel comfortable. Why are you shooting so hard at him? I'm not shooting hard I can't believe what's going on right now. What's going on? I can't even believe I can't I'm rattled it Carlos called it. Thank you. What is it? You get rattled when when it's a hot guy you know you don't yes He does bro. Yes. He always does

Tell me I'm lying. I don't think he's hot. You're so full of shit, dude. Shut the fuck up. That's insane. You 100%. That right there is a grave misjustice. You wouldn't hook up with him? This right here is diabolical. You wouldn't hook up with him? In what context? Exactly. Schindler's List? Yeah. He's not. In a Schindler's List context where I'm in a camp, maybe. But no other context. Amistad, maybe. In an Amistad contest, we're in the bottom of...

On the boat. On the boat. We're rowing. Well, you're not rowing. What? You're not rowing. Well, you know where I'm at. You're in the coal room. No, I'm rowing, but I'm at the strongman row team where I don't have to do much. I just put my hand on the thing. Goal! Goal! Goal! Goal! And I'm just kind of going with it. You're keeping time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get that. You're doing the drum. What's that? That's the drum. Yeah, that's not. This isn't Fury Road. Okay.

You know what I mean? Where I'm . That would have sucked you in reroute. - All right. - I'd fuck you in reroute. - So what did you wanna bring up? - Yeah, what was it? - It wasn't being aggressive, dude. It was just an observation. I'm so sorry that maybe I do come across that way. - No, no, no, no. I'm projecting. - No, no, no. Let me change my attitude. I think you're right. So let me start over. All right, here we go. - Yeah, go ahead.

- Hey. - What's up? - What's up, man? - What's going on? - Thanks for doing it. - Oh, I'm so happy to hear it. - I'm a big fan. - Really? - Yeah. I just made a little observation if you want to hear it. - I would love to hear it. - Yeah, yeah. It's just everything comes from a negative lens with you sometimes, you know? - Really? - Yeah, a little bit, but you know, you do you. You do you, I'll be me. And it's really good to see you, man. I like what you're doing out there. - I appreciate it, man. - Feel better? - I do. - Yeah. Is that better now? - Yeah. - Okay, cool. - Was that, that was the feedback? - Was that it?

- I thought you had a comment or something. - That I see like things as a negative. - No, it's like, you know, because the last night you're, you know, no offense, you know, I love you. - Do you know what this is? - But what, no, I'm talking. Hey man, see, that's what it is. I think it's him. Did you see that?

No, no, no. Andrew, please back me up. Okay, okay. Please be real. Can I ask a question first? No. Make a comment about my observation just now. He is excited to be here. So nervous. Can I tell you something? You don't know this? You don't remember this? I think I know what it is. What is it?

It's the four finger point. No, no, it's not that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Point with one finger. Don't go with four because it's dominating. You go like, can I tell you something with four? I don't like it. That's good. I had two encounters with you. That's two fingers now. Two fingers fine. So once was in Venice. It was on Abbot Kinney and I saw you walking down the street. This was like a year or two ago when I wasn't having the blow up, right? And I go, oh, Bobby Lee, what's up? You know, my buddy Mark Smalls, he's like, he plays games with you and stuff and

And you were like, are you a funny guy? Are you funny? Are you funny? Like you were like, you were like seeing if I was. That sounds exactly like. Are you funny? And then you like, you like grabbed me a little bit and like tell somebody like kept walking. And I was like, okay. And then, and then the second time I was at the improv. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable. This is unbelievable. I can't believe this. The second time. Wow. Continue friend. It was at the improv.

And I was so excited 'cause we were in the same lineup and he was coming in the green room and he goes, "Oh my God, you're so talented. "Do you fuck a lot when you're on the road?" Like that was exactly, that was like how quick it came. So it was like very quick, like boom. And I was like, oh shit. And I really wanted to like, I don't know what the, you know, it was like, I wanted to give you the right answer. I don't know what the right answer was. - That's how he operates.

You must fuck a lot, right? You're a good looking guy. I never said that. That's insane. You did. Either one didn't happen. Say it to me right now. What? I'll pretend I'm Morgan and say that exactly what he said. I'll walk in the room and do it to you. Oh yeah, walk in the room and let me see. Say that. You're sexy as fuck. Oh, you're doing great. I like your shit on the road. Yeah, yeah. All right, ready? Oh my God. You're so terrible.

No, I'm me. No, I'm you. You're me. Oh, all right. Hold on. I'm not done. I got to be you. Go back up. Back up for a second. I got to be you real quick. Get those eyes open. White eyes. White eyes. There you go. All right, go ahead. Oh, my God. You're so talented. Oh, thank you. I do autotune. Oh, man. The sheer disrespect. I do a lot of autotune. That's why...

And I've seen how Bobby is on the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, do it over. Do it again. No, no, no. I have another line. I want to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need the mic.

- But you did say that to him for sure. That sounds- - No, because people make exaggerations about my encounters with them. I'm being real. - You think you're Bill Murray or some shit or whatever? Isn't it Bill Murray? He does that- - No, what I'm saying is people go, "Oh, I met Bobby Lee. He did this." I never did that. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? So it's like, I don't know. I don't remember those instances. - That's how I remember it. - Well, yeah, I remember probably different. And that's the thing about storytelling.

That's the thing about, you know, you ever see the movie Rashomon? Yeah, Rashomon. You know what I mean? Is that Rashomon where it's like, it's four people, three people telling the story of one thing from their all, their different points of views. Yeah. Okay. So in this Rashomon context, right? My point of view is this.

I saw you on "Venom," Abbot Kinney, right? And I go, "Oh, he's cool." And I go, "How's comedy going?" That's how I remember it. And then in the improv, this is how I view it. I go, "Oh, I love your shit online." You go, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." And then you go, "You said I get a lot of girls." And I go, "Oh, that's cool because that happens when you rise."

That's my point of view. That's how you thought it happened? That's how I know it happened in my point of view, yeah. There was another time at the store too that I'm recalling. You see now, go ahead. Well, I was just trying, I've said hello to you because I just assumed somebody like you wouldn't remember who I am. And so... He's got a great memory. Yeah. He does. The kid's got a memory like a fucking elephant. And so I said, yeah, I think my buddy Andrew Lopez did your podcast and...

I don't know. I think you asked again if I was funny or not because we didn't know you. I don't think you knew who I was and you kept asking if I was funny. You are very funny. Yeah. Dude, dude, dude. This is a key case of conflabulation. Confabulation. Yeah. Confabulation. Welcome to Andrew Santino's new special. Confabulation. Yeah. Yeah.

God, it's beautiful. Very good. Very good.

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as you deserve. Get 20% off and free shipping with the code BADFRIENDS at MANSCAPED.COM. That's 20% off plus free shipping with the code BADFRIENDS at MANSCAPED.COM. We met only one time, right? We did a show in Venice many, many years ago in somebody's backyard. Oh, in a backyard. It was a big show. It was a guy, Ben Blanchard. Interesting, because Andrew doesn't do backyard shows. This was a long time ago before he was a clown actor. Isn't that interesting? Isn't that interesting? First of all, I've never done a backyard show. I thought Ricky Smicky was great. Thank you, bro.

I thought it was really good. That's also a crazy lie. During COVID, I did outdoor shows all the time. I did one. You know the kid? There's a kid on the east side who had a show and he had a tree house in his backyard. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes. I did that. You never... Isn't it Santa Monica? Santa Monica. No, Santa Monica was right. No, no, no.

I guess there's a lot of tree houses in the city. I can't see you going to Venice to do a backseat. This was a long time ago. Brother, before... This was like pre-2018 or something. Back in the day, I went everywhere. I used to drive down to fucking... I used to drive down to Dana Point to do shows. Dana Point.

Okay. You know where that is? I love it. You don't know where that is? No, I don't know where it is, no. It's the last city before you get to the military base on the way to San Diego. I used to drive down there. I used to drive to fucking Orange County all the time for shows, man. I'd put in the fucking work. We weren't all mad TV kids that got to just do the store all the time. Some of us had to fucking... Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, golly gee. Some of us had to do the grind. My defense...

My defenses are coming up. Lower it, dude. Be a nice guy. Good to see you. Touche. Thank you. Really great tour. We went to Australia. I'm not talking about that. We're not going to talk about that today? Uh-uh. My brother's really excited. I'm on the podcast. He listens to the podcast. What's his name? Jack. Shout out to Jack. I'm not going to tell you how he described the podcast, but he's excited about it. What did he say? He said, yeah, I like that podcast. I can't tell you. You have to tell. You have to tell. Yeah, go ahead. With the Irish dude and the fat Asian guy. That's what he said. What?

That's the alternative name for the show. The Irish dude and the fat Asian guy. Not fat anymore. Not fat anymore. That's what he said. Zempi is cooking. But he loves the Ponca. Yeah, you know, it's so fun because it's, here's what's fun about life. I just can't believe it. What can't you believe? I mean, it's just like, lie. You'll never meet the guy. Lie, lie. No, you have to tell the truth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always funny. Yeah, it's incredible. But, um,

- Wow, okay. - Next time you cough into the mic, put it on the auto tune. - Okay. - I wanna hear auto tune cough. You're sick too, aren't you? - I thought you guys make fun of each other on this podcast. - Not anymore. - We do, we do. Yeah, we do. We do. - That's our whole thing. - Now so far, you know, you've done other podcasts and you thought you did bad on the other pod. How do you think you're doing on this one? - I don't know, dude. - No, no, be honest with me. How do you think you're doing? - I think I'm doing mid. - I think you're doing very great. - Yeah, you're fantastic. - That's great, yeah. - See if it gets released. - I know.

That guy could not release it. He's the guy. He's our little magician. I think you're doing a great job. Thanks, man. Welcome. Thanks for having me. This is awesome. Let me ask this. Let's move on from the vasectomy thing. You brought up talking points. You had a colonoscopy on Friday. Your father had? Yeah, he died of colon cancer. How old were you? Six. Six years old. That was like 31 years ago. Wow, dude. I got my mom remarried. My stepdad has Parkinson's.

No way. For like 30 years, yeah. Maybe it's you. I don't know.

You know what, dude? I'm sorry, bro. It just came out. I know, dude. I apologize. When you said that, it rang true with me. You know what, dude? It rang true with me. I didn't want to say anything. I want to say that earlier. Yeah. Bad luck. Or it could be the Vietnam War and Agent Orange. I don't know. That could be it, too. Interesting. You could bring it back to the Asian shit. I get it, dude. Very interesting you did that. Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah. Maybe it's COVID. What's next? What'd you have for lunch? Panda Express? I mean, cut it out, dude. Yeah, cut it out, dude.

Wait, wait a minute. How old is the gentleman with Parkinson's? He's 77. Terrible. So awful. And this guy was your dad. Basically, yeah. He raised you. Just more or less, yeah, yeah. And is he...

- Are all, his functionality is still there or is he kind of? - You know, on good days, it's like, it's, you know, he just has slow speech, but you know, on bad days, it's like, he's not talking at all. And it's just like, slow blings, a lot of coughing at the dinner table and stuff like that. - It's funny when people bring up stuff like, I tend to laugh, but it's not, I'm not mean. - No. - It's just a defense mechanism. - I understand. - Like Ramsey at the comedy store, his dad's losing his mind.

You know what I mean? When he first told me, he goes, "My dad's like losing his mind." You know what I mean? That was like my first, that's because I just can't deal with it. Like if I'm at a funeral. - It's your instinct. - If I'm at a funeral, I'm gonna laugh. One time my brother at a funeral, right? And we heard a knock and I go, "Look, Auntie Han is trying to get out." And then my brother and I started laughing like uncontrollably. So it's just, in uncomfortable situation,

- I'm winking back at him, he's winking at me. - I love you, dude. Yeah, I love you, dude. Dude, you and I, we should have been pals long ago. - Let's play some Fortnite together or Call of Duty or something. - Yeah, yeah, Warzone or something. - Where'd you grow up? Jersey, about an hour outside of New York. - Love a Jersey kid. - I was in freshman, where were you at 9/11?

- High school. - High school, yeah, me too. - One of my favorite classes too. - What class was it? - Spanish. - Spanish, yeah. - I fucked up my Spanish class. - I was in English class. - Were you? - And we had people in our town that worked in the World Trade Center area. I remember the girl right behind me burst into tears and ran out of the room 'cause they showed it, it was like on TV, it was crazy.

Wow. What are you talking about? 9-11. Is that in your topics? No, it wasn't, but I don't know. I'm running around a list now. That was very good. I feel like that was on the list. This is kind of wild, yeah. This one says, promote Hamas. Yeah, okay. Go ahead, brother. Yeah, that's on you. This is a good platform. Yeah, I guess. Here we go. Sorry.

Yeah, keep going, keep going. Ride the middle, ride the middle of Hamas. Come on. Yeah, ride the middle. Really good, dude. Will you once, no, no, once grab it, will you sing Allah Akbar once? Yeah, yeah, Hamas, Allah Akbar. Out of context, this is going to be terrible. This doesn't matter. Yeah.

I want that as my ringtone so bad.

No, okay. Hold on this. This is good went to private members Club in Disneyland 33 you went to Club 33 Yeah, I went there my reps got me in there, you know, it's fun get a couple of piece of paper We're gonna write some lines. He's gonna sing them. Yeah, McComb gets yeah if it's too much, you know, yeah, that's why this is why this is fun This is fun. Yeah, let's do this. Yeah, you did fit so you felt like you bomb meeting little dicky for real Yeah, so the first time I was like he just moved to Santa Monica and

And this is before the show and everything. We're at the California Chicken Cafe on Lincoln Boulevard. He loves that place. And I go in there and I go, oh, Lil Dicky, man. Hey, you're so great, man. If you're ever looking for someone to do like a hook or something, it was really nice. He was like, actually, man, I'm just trying to do like real rap right now. But he was like, if you put your mind to anything, you really can achieve like your dreams or some shit. He said some shit like that.

You want me to call him and rectify everything? Do you know why? Because I feel like he's like, I really think he's an amazing artist. Yeah. And I feel like what he sees as me, what I would do, and I'm probably projecting this, I'm just being charismatic with auto-tune. And I think the two things are so different. But the two things are inherently different, so they can't be compared. I suppose. That's like saying we both do amplification of voices, microphone. You're still different. Yeah, yeah. But he...

He is someone that, if you're good, respect. I hope so. I hope he doesn't think I'm stepping on his toes. I'm going to text him and ask him if he likes you. Oh, God. And he's like, I don't fuck with that guy. You have no context for it. You got some of yours already? I only have two. I only got two as well. Let's just do two. I can't think of any. You can think of another one. You're creative. We have grown.

Sing about the idiots in the booth real fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got some dummies. We got some dummies in the booth. I think they have tiny penises. They support Hamas. One of them has a crazy bald head.

The ones I have aren't even probably even good. These aren't even good. Yeah.

♪ Oh, bad friends ♪ - Can I ask you a question? When you're on your show and people don't sing, you know sometimes? - Yeah, I get upset. - It's upsetting to me when I'm watching it. - Yeah. - It's like, give it a go at least. - But I'll tell you what. - What? - Those people who give me pushback, and then there's a couple clips where we've gotten them to sing, the joy.

that reverberates in the room when we get somebody to like, kind of like this exposure therapy to like sing and come out of their shell. - When you crack somebody. - When you crack somebody and they smile and the whole room smiles. And I mean, it's, and for me, it's exciting, you know. I was, you know, I got, I was doing standup for like six years and I was, I was doing okay, but I just kind of got bored with it and. - All right there. Damn dude, that worked. I thought, I can't believe I've remembered how to make a paper airplane. - Hello, Los Angeles, we are paper airplane.

Oh, the way. Oh, the way. Hello, everybody. We are Paper Airplane all the way from Busan, Korea. Everybody. Yo, can we name our group? Paper Airplane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We are Paper Airplane. Fly, fly, fly all over the world. Paper Airplane coming to you, your girl. Yeah.

- You're really good. - I have three. - That's exactly what I thought would happen. - If they don't work, if they don't work, if you just do it. - I'll make it work. - He'll make it work 100%. ♪ I went to so many ditty parties ♪ ♪ Can we free golf ♪ ♪ Give me that baby oil ♪

Give me that baby oil, put it on my body. All right. Good one. What's the next one? You know what I like? I like the taste of children's toes. Put those little beans in my mouth. Put some diddy oil on them.

Getting nice and slippery. Yeah. So good. Finish it. Take it home. Yeah. I believe our Kelly.

- Where was it? Okay. Where was it? Where's the one? Where was the one? - They're probably combined probably in those ones. - Oh no, it's right here. - Oh. - Oh no, it's right here. - Mine are so good. ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Bobby, where are you from ♪ ♪ What's your ethnic background ♪ - San Diego, Korea.

Hong Kong Friday

Yeah. Next one, next one. Does anybody know some dwarves here? Does anybody know some dwarves in the room? Anybody know some dwarves? Because did you know that when dwarves fart, they fly just a little bit? Did you know that if you get a seahorse and you put it with

With a dwarf you got ocean cowboys. Little cowboys. Oh, it's so good. Swimming through the ocean. How do dwarves touch themselves?

♪ I always think about that ♪ ♪ When I see them ♪ - Oh. - Bro. - Very good, very, very good. - Did you write the dwarf cowboy, this little water? - No, he added that. - Okay, that's so good. - Mine was the farting. - Yeah, the farting. - Right, which I ended it there, but then he added. - So good. - Then you also added more of the ching chong ping pong. - I did, yeah. - Yeah, that was just great. - You gotta continue. Yeah, 'cause ching chong ping pong's not good enough. You gotta say, huh? Fried rice from Hong Kong.

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- Do you guys feel like from this point, like you've achieved everything you wanted to? - No! - Yeah, I'm good, I'm out. - I feel good. - Yes! - I felt good last year. Everything at this point is just like extra for me. I'm just like, I'm like happy, you know? - I think we've always said like as soon as we could imagine

and have fun with our friends, that was like we beat the system. We can work with, literally everybody in here is a friend of ours from many years ago, except for one guy that's newer, but we still love, but that guy is my oldest friend in Los Angeles, and we work together. - I've known him for a very long time. - Yeah, but our goal was just if you could work with your friends and make shit, that was like, can we do that all the time? - Yeah, it really is. This year was the first year I started bringing my,

openers and friends with me and it's the fucking best. It's literally been a whole... Let's call Dumb though. No, we already know because I did it with a friend of mine, Binium Bizzuna. Because Dumb is... We were like all over. Dumb is lower. I like Binium. Yeah, Binium. He wrote on Dave. Yeah, yeah. Binium's great. And we were just kind of all over the place and it wasn't editable. So we just... I just did it... I'm going to lie. You're not with me. Okay. Okay, just watch this. They're old friends. So this is... No, watch. You are, I'm saying. I'm old friends, yeah. Yeah, it'll be worth it. Is he still mad at you? Well, we'll find out. Whatever.

Yo, dude, what's up? So it's so crazy, dude. I ran into fucking Morgan J. Yeah. And he was like, yo, dude, that motherfucker dumb made me do his podcast twice. It was fucking bullshit. And I'm like, no, seriously, what the fuck happened, dude? Nothing happened, man. He just did it because the feed that the first podcast and it was bad. Like what the fuck happened, though, dude?

He's not really a great podcaster, so I just didn't get any good things. Because he was also with my other comedian homie, Vinnyam. Yeah. And they were, like, not riffing well. So I got him on again. How did he do the second time? I thought he did great. The second was better, so I'm glad we did it again. Yeah, good, good, good. Do you think we should have him on our show, Morgan? Yeah, for sure. Why? But really, though? Why? Because I've heard bad things from Whitney and stuff. You know, other people have said it.

Like he's stiff and he doesn't know how to add information. He's a kind of a diva. Is he a diva? No, he's not a diva. I mean, he's definitely making noise, you know? Yeah, yeah. But you know, when you look at him, doesn't he look like a rat to you? Like his fucking teeth and the way his face just comes out like a rat. No, I'm being real.

Is Morgan there or what? I'm right here, bro. I'm on the podcast right now. I was nervous about how I'm a bad podcaster. I fucking knew it, you fucking prick. I love you, dude. We love you. You're the best, bro. Morgan's good.

That's a perfect balance. Morgan's good. Dude, no, he's real good. No, because you even said, I mean, if you were like, you were self-aware. There are times I do podcasts, I'm like, I was fucking terrible. Yeah, I even said, I was like, I don't know how you guys are going to edit this together. This was crazy. What? His first one. His first one. I was like, there's no way.

- I've done that where you do them and you're like, dude, can we not put that out? - Yeah, do not put that out. - It was so bad. - Do not put that out. Or you give them a million notes. You got to cut that out, cut that out. - If you were like in a bad place, sometimes during the day you're coming from and you're like, brother, I'm not in a good, I shouldn't have done it. - It's crazy how you came right from doing your own podcast. You just like doing podcasts. Do you have one after this? - No. - No. - No. - Why?

- We do that shit all the time. - This is like, I tried to do a podcast, but it wasn't in me. I'm trying to do the live streaming stuff. I'm trying to be like Kyson at. - See, I don't want to do live streaming. - Well, here's what works for us. We just absolutely do not prepare anything. - That's right. - You were mad at this list.

- No, we just kind of just show up and like, you know, just do it and sometimes we don't air it. - Some of us prepare. - What do you mean? - We have stuff slotted for the show. - Sometimes it's better not to prepare. - That's right. - Yeah. Well, that was fun. Like that little thing we did, we didn't know we were gonna do that. - It depends on what show, but sometimes we have to prepare.

What do you mean? I mean, you must have some guests who you think are going to be like pulling teeth, right? No, like a lot of times I'll coordinate with these guys on bits that we're going to run on the show. But Bobby is a, it's like a hidden camera show for him. He's never, he's, you know what I mean? Like he gets to show up and he's always the fucking bit. Yeah. But that's the beauty is that we tee you up to fly free.

- Wonderful. - Do you not know that we do work behind the scenes? - I understand that you do work like, here's a video that we're gonna watch. But what I'm just saying in general about like how we're gonna open or the things that we even said in the first 45 minutes, we didn't plan. - No, we did not. - None of it. - That's right. - Yeah, we just kind of ride the wave. And sometimes the wave,

- Isn't rideable. - Yeah. - It's a swell. - It's a swell. - It's a one footer, dude. - Yeah, it's a one footer. And then sometimes we go, we can't release that footage. - Yeah, I get it. - You know? - You can't, yeah, you can't put on a footer, dude. - You know, can I just say that your, it's like your eyebrows have like, they're like Hitler mustaches. - I just got them done. - Okay. - Right before this. I literally was like, I like, I like clean myself up. - But they're like literally short. Are they usually longer or? - No, I mean, if I didn't do anything, it'd be a unibrow for me.

- Are they threaded? Do you get them threaded? - I get them threaded, yeah. I had a nice girl from Bangladesh did them for me. - You know about that, threading? - Oh yeah, no, we have to say something. - I prefer that to the-- - Kalilah, I used to take her to the threading place. And I see them do it, they thread. - You've never had to trim your eyebrows? - Shout out Beauty Secrets on Venice Boulevard. No, on Washington Boulevard. - Whoop whoop! - Beauty Secrets. - Whoop whoop whoop. - You've never had to trim your eyebrows? - No. I've never trimmed anything except for my mustache. - Oh yeah. How often do you do that, once a month?

- When I can taste my hair, then I cut it. - What does it usually taste like? - Well, sometimes I go, wow, this pastrami sandwich is rough. And I go, oh, my little mustache is getting into the, you know what I mean? - Dude, when you guys have a slice of pizza, like you smell it afterwards for a little bit, like the cheese? - I'm a germaphobe, I wash my face. - I just want you to know, I know I sound, I'm not like a contagious person. - No, no, I know Andres is sick anyway.

He comes into the studio sick every fucking week. Do you guys get sick a lot when you tour? No. We didn't get sick at all. Australia, we didn't get sick. No, I don't get sick much. I have a good immune system, but he does bring his bullshit ass baby and his fucking wife works in a hospital. So this motherfucker brings shit in here every week. I'll immediately be like, oh, you've been sick. And I'll go, you're sick. And then what do you say every time I go, are you sick? What do you say? I was. I was. I'm over it. Yeah. He's always over it.

So the day that he gets healthy is we pod the next day. Just a coincidence that he's always just over it. I get it. The fucking liar. Yeah. Yeah. Call him a fucking dirty, sick liar. He's a dirty Spaniard liar. Yeah. You're a dirty fucking Spaniard. Yeah.

Fucking love you. Thank you. Do girls, when you're with them, if you're with them, do they want, like you're in the hotel or whatever, do they want you to turn that shit on then? Have you ever done that? Sang to a girl? When you're singing. Have you ever whipped that out and sang while you're in the hotel? No, no, but with my guitar I've sang before. Hell yeah.

Oh, really? Yeah. Can you imagine getting head while you're like, oh, yeah. One time, I met this girl in Cleveland, right? Oh, yeah, suck those balls. Be gentle with those balls. Put one in your mouth. Put the second one in your mouth. And take that index finger and stick it in my ass.

- Chicks have to love that shit though, huh? - They love it. - I'm a goofy guy. They like a goofy guy. - Yeah. - Nah, you're a handsome cat though too. So how do you break that up when you're on the road? - Am I fat? Am I fat? - No. - Like your brother said? - No. You've been thinking about that? You're not. - Yeah, I've been thinking about that the whole time. - You're down six pounds. - The whole time. Am I fat like your brother said or what? - You're literally not. You're stout. - The fat Asian guy? - You're stout, dude. - That's what he said? The fat Asian guy? - You're stout, dude. - I'm not stout.

- No, he means you're stocky. Look at that, lift up your shirt. - You're not fat. - You didn't. - No, you lost weight, bro. - I mean, what's up? - He's on Ozempic. - I'm not trying to fight you, dude. - Anyway, let's move on. I gotta let it go. I let it go, I let it go. Yeah, I let it go, yeah, yeah. - Tell him what you told me in Australia though, what's gonna happen. - What's gonna happen? Oh, I'm gonna get ripped. - Bro, do you wanna, we can go to a gym sometime together. - Yeah, dude, take him. - It's so funny, you'll see. - I don't do- - You know what I've been saying in Australia the whole time, Morgan, Jay, if I may? - Yeah. - Okay?

It's this kind of bullying shit. It's this shit right here, dude. No, it's this shit. No, he kept in the car. In the car, he kept going. I'm going to get jacked. I'm going to get jacked. I said ripped. Ripped. You can do it. And this guy cackled like a hyena in the night, dude. Hilarious. In my face. And you know what I said to him? I kept saying to all these guys, you'll see. Because I love a challenge. You can do it.

I love a challenge. No, you can't. Yes, I do. What? I believe in you. I am going to do it. I believe in the power of like, you can do it, bro. I don't think you can get jacked because you're 60 or something. Yeah, that's what I said. But I think you can get fit. Fit is different. He said he's going to get jacked. I don't think you can get like ripped jacked. Correct. Because whatever you do, no matter how ripped you get, it's going to be like a little bit... Literally proving my point. A little bit looser. Verbatim what I said in Australia. Oh, that's what he said? Verbatim. But you'll be like ripped healthy. Yes, healthier. If that makes sense. Correct. Thank you. But even like...

A 50-year-old who's ripped...

Bring up RFK Jr. with the shirt off. This cat is in unbearably good shape and you'll never get near this. And he still looks kind of fat. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but The Rock is on trend or something. Yeah, he's on trend. So zoom in. Look, he's in phenomenal shape. You don't think I can look like that? Dude. But look at his belly still is like loose because we're not young anymore. You're not a kid. I know, but I'm still going to look like that's still me. That's ripped to me. He is ripped. Yeah, yeah. And I can't get there.

There's no way you'll ever get it. I love those fucking... You'll never be able to get it. One time I saw a grasshopper and I fought it with my... Okay. There's far too much fake sugar in the world.

I agree, dude. Yeah, yeah. Take it out. So everyone listening to now, you heard it first. Wait six months to a year. Let's do it. And then we'll see. That'll be you. You'll be like Alex Young. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, man, I got fucking jacked as shit. Frogs are gay. You know, some people, some women like that bill. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. That's a really good bill. This is my point.

women already like the way he is. He pulls beautiful women. So to change is weird. The same girls aren't going to find you attractive. Somebody said, I already told you. I'm fucking Cornholio. Yeah, they're really funny.

I told you the wildest shit about this guy. Did I ever tell you this story? You met him. This is my first time here, so I've heard no story. No, but did I ever tell this on there? No. The wildest story, dude. This is a while ago, me and Rogan and George Perez. And we're playing in Austin. What's the club? Why can't I think of it? Cap City. Yeah. The old one. And we're down there. And the next morning, George is like,

You know, hey, bro, we want to fucking get high as a motherfucker. And I was like, oh, yeah, absolutely, dude. Let's get ripped up and like go down by the Lady Bird Lake or whatever. We get fucking stoned. And then Rogan is like, meet me at the Four Seasons Hotel. We're going to have we're going to have lunch. OK, we're dinner or whatever. OK, fine.

and he's coming, he tells us when we're there. And I was like, oh shit, Alex Jones is coming to this fucking thing. - Wow. Is that like a, oh shit, he's coming? Or is it like-- - How fascinated with this guy. - Okay, okay, great. - Like he's not gonna talk to me. I'm just gonna be near him at a dinner listening to chaos. You know what I mean? Yeah, there's a piece of me that was like, this is a bad idea. I don't wanna be fucking photographed with this fucking lunatic.

But he's like, he comes to the dinner and he's, dude, he showed there's like armed guards everywhere. And he sits down, we're outside on the patio, surrounded by a bunch of people. And he, like I said, George and I were fucking baked and we're just looking at each other because we're like, this is so strange. And he brought a girl, girlfriend or something, whatever. She'd be beautiful? I don't remember. Okay. She's just like a woman. I don't know. But he's, the whole time, he's like in the middle of conversations with Rogan, like deep, deep. They didn't look at, you know, he didn't look away from her once. Yeah.

And he would be like, yeah, and then you're the girl. This is the girl with him. He'd be like, yeah, so Joe, that's the thing that's going on. It's like frogs are gay. That's an emulation. Children are going to be gay like frogs and be hot bumping all. And then he would stop in the middle of it and go, baby, baby, kissy kissy. No! That's so...

My hand to God. Kissy, kissy. Oh my God, I love it. And she would give him a kiss. Yeah, and she would give him a little kiss and then he'd go, and like I said, two maybe because kissy, kissy means two. Yeah, kissy, kissy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he wouldn't even skip a beat. Dude, he'd go right back to Rogan and be like, and that's the thing, if they're licking frogs trying to get high on psilocybin, they're also going to be gay, turning you gay and you're, kissy, kissy.

gizzy, gizzy. No. My hand had gotten. Oh my God. It's such a great move. George Perez. Yeah. You know, we're fucking cooked. Yeah. So George was, I mean, so baked. We're dying laughing and I can't look up. Like I'm just laughing. Are you laughing? I'm trying to eat mashed potatoes. Oh my God. It's amazing. Because I was losing my mind. It was so surreal. It was like one of those, like I'm in a,

I'm in like a fucking curb episode. Do you know what I mean? I was like, does he go like, yeah, let's sucky sucky baby. Wow. That's where sucky sucky maybe came from. Yeah. I mean, wow. The weirdest, the weirdest thing was like a lot. And what was two? What was sucky sucky? $2.

Is that 50 years ago, 100 years ago? Is it still $2? That's from a movie, right? $2 sucky sucky. What? Chinatown, maybe? Like, inflation's gone up. You think it's like $80? It wasn't a full metal jacket, right? Is it $80 sucky sucky now, you think? Or $100? No, it's like $140. That was so sincere, dude. That was so funny, dude. By the way, uh...

I wanted to put this fact out there to the world because it shocked me.

- When did Picasso die? Picasso. - Was it probably in the 60s? - In the 80s. - In the 70s. - In the 70s? - I was close. - Yeah, but I thought for sure it was before that. - You're probably thinking of Van Gogh. - No, 60s, 70s. - Van Gogh? - Van Gogh. - Van Gogh? - Van Gogh. - Who the fuck is Van Gogh? - It's Van Gogh, but it's pronounced Van Gogh. - Shut up. - Look it up. - Can I ask you about art? - Wait, but it's G-O-U-G-H, right? - Well, it's Dutch. It's like-- - Can I ask you about art? - Yeah, but we're not, bro. - That's true. - That's Van Gogh.

Is Keith Haring good? - You know my stance. - What is it? - No. - Have you seen the doodler, the doodle guy? - That guy's better than Keith Haring. - That guy's really great. - I fuck with that guy, Mr. Doodle. - Yeah, Mr. Doodle. - I fuck with him. - He got in the subway? - He painted his whole house. - In doodles, it's crazy. - Oh. - Bring up Mr. Doodle real fast. This dude is fucking incredible.

Keith Haring was- This guy is incredible. This guy is a magician. I've never seen someone so talented. And it's just like, I don't know how it comes out of his brain. It's all freehand. And it comes out perfect. Look at that. Oh, wow. That's so dope. And he just did that with like paint and markers and shit. Keith Haring wishes he could do that shit. Yeah. Now bring up some Keith Haring bullshit. He's dead, right? But the same could be said for, what's his name? He did the canned tomatoes or some shit. Andy Warhol. Andy Warhol. No, no, no. Don't ever bring his in a negative light again. These are different. These are different.

These are different because Andy Warhol, Andy Warhol, look at that. Look, look, look, come on, bro.

Please, dude. I mean, it was about AIDS. He was doing this for AIDS. Yeah, yeah. No, he just happened to have AIDS. No, no. He didn't do it for it. Oh, my God. I got AIDS. I got the art. What are you talking about? He wanted to bring awareness to AIDS. He went and got AIDS just so he could do the art. See, that looks like a doodle. That's a Mr. Doodle. I think it's pretty cool, dude. I think he's the first guy to do that. You know what it is? It's got sauce. It's got swag. It's great. I do like it. Yeah. It's got swag. No, here's the problem. I like it, but I don't want it.

Okay. Right. It's fine. Yeah. I fuck with it. He's talented, but also like, I don't know. It's fine. Yeah. Interesting. It's no starry night. He looks like he has AIDS right there. Yeah. Terrible, bro. Look at that. He's like, I got AIDS. No. Uh-oh. Here we go. An AIDS song. Yeah. I have AIDS.

Basquiat, do you like him? You know how I feel about Basquiat. He's cool. But again, his shit isn't like, wow. He's just cool. This is the problem. I fit this in cool artists. That's cool, but I never go, wow.

I just go, "That's cool." Yeah, but I see that on a shirt at Target. Yeah, yeah. That's my problem. What's your Korean name? Jung... Okay, that's so... No, that's not it. Did you hear that was a Godfather theme? You don't know... Jung... Yeah, that's good. You don't know my Korean name? Cho... Sung... Geum...

Yeah, do it, Don. That's the other thing. Cho Sung-gobi, that's his. How do you know Appa? Yeah, from Dumb. Oh. What is your Korean name? He'll sing it. Sung-woo. Sung-woo. Wow. How did you get Sung-woo? I didn't. My parents did it. How did they get it?

- What does it mean? - I think it means success. - You're coming out of like a republic. What does that mean? What does that name mean? - It's Yi Song Wu is my name. - So when you Chinese people giving each other wing wong names and ding dong names,

Oh, did it have it? Is there a website that has the definition? By the way, that's what... That's the name of the Virginia Tech shooter. Oh, Sungwoo. Sungwee. That's Sungwee, not Sungwoo. It's pretty close. Both sungers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some songs of bitches. By the way, you remember Wingdings? That's what that Texas dude calls any sort of Asian writing. That's all a bunch of Wingdings on the fucking wall, dude. Bro, Korea is crushing.

it right now i want to go in what way just culturally they're just like exporting like that's you sunghoon is the name who ho just h i don't know hu how do you not know your fucking how does i don't know how to spell it they're dancing better they're singing better they're making fried chicken better they're fucking crushing it yo be careful about that fried chicken shit well you know gi's taught him how to make fried chicken that is true yeah it's true black chi is taught him how to do that yeah korean fried chicken is bomb as fuck bro they're fucking crushing right now

Yeah, film, they're crushing it. I mean, look at the- That was the biggest problem with Australia, by the way. What's that? Too many fucking whites. The food was dog shit. Yeah, I always had Thai food when I go to these. Us too, but you kind of run out of it because even then you're like, all right. There's too many whites. That is a worldly knowledge. If you have too many whites, central core in your country and not enough others, you're fucked. Your food is fucked. Shit. We had more bad pizza. Wasn't there a comic who was like, if you want to deport-

all the people out of America, you shouldn't be allowed to eat their food. Like whoever you wanted to pour, you can't eat their cultural food. - They don't have extra crispy chicken at the Kentucky Fried Chicken in Australia. - It's like soggy. - Did you get the Kentucky Fried Chicken in Australia? - Yeah, it was soggy. - Is it good? - They said it was really good. - The quality of the chicken is good, but they don't have extra fried, it's gotta be crispy. - By the way, because the best, and they love KFC.

But I think our best still to this day is Popeye's. I think Popeye's fucks the hardest. I think it's the crispiest that we get in America. What's the best fried chicken you've had? In my life? Yeah, the Dave Chappelle fried chicken. The best fried chicken I've ever had was, one of them was definitely at Chappelle's.

We had chicken and waffles at like 1:30 in the morning after we did I couldn't move my neck and my fucking heart was about to stop this at his place I couldn't go to his club. I couldn't go to sleep because I'm dude I thought was gonna die a heart attack that night. It was like He had like a world-renowned chef after we did our show and the show's done we closed down everyone's you know party is over He's like we'll go have chicken and waffles and I was like where he's like right there. I

And we walked into a room, into like a private dining room. Wow. And they served us

made to order waffles with homemade butter and syrup poured all over. - That was incredible. - Like beautiful fried chicken. - Beautiful. - It was gorgeous. And then afterwards he was like, "Let's go dance." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then it was like a nightclub. - Yeah, you start dancing. - Fucking amazing. - So hanging out with him was pretty tight. - Dave Chappelle is Willy Wonka of comedy. - He is, yeah, yeah, yeah. - He is the dream maker. He makes the, it's unbelievable. - Aziz told a joke about it. He's like, "Do you really not wanna hang out

You could go home or you could say you hung out with Dave Chappelle or some shit. Aziz had a joke about how he wasn't going to. I don't know. No, but honestly, he's like a dream mate. Wow. Where there's guys where you're like, oh, would that be as fun to hang out with them? With Chappelle? He's so generous. You could tell when you watch him. I always said that. The comics that are really great are the ones you want to hang out with after the show. 100%. Yeah. He's like this beautiful store in town that has all the Chappelle gear. Wow.

And he was going there and take anything and we were like no no we'll get a shirt or a hat you know and we walked in there and the people working there were like bag ready bags were like okay guys throw everything in a bag that you'd like it was wild I was like oh this is you're just you feel like you don't deserve it yeah where you're like ashamed a little bit but he's the you know I mean I had to say I'm jealous I want to do that it was fucking rad it was rad we cried

Yeah, we cried. We cried. You smoke weed with him? No, I'm sober. But when we first saw him...

we said we're gonna go back to the hotel we got in the car and we him and i both started crying that's true really yeah because it was so cool yeah because he picked us up in his jeep at the airport he picked you up yeah we go to a private plane drove and he picked you he literally was leaning against what's up man you know and we got it as it was incredible he flew us in his jet it was incredible and then he and then he met us at the airport and he was like well there was a driver there that somebody had arranged

but then he was also there to say what's up and to say like, good to see you. And then we thought, all right, we'll leave him alone. And he's like, come in my car. And then we went in his car. - Is he like funny, like offstage? He's like a chill dude or is he just a chill guy? Or is he just like, you know, there's some comics where like always kind of on, he's not on. - No, no, he's not on, but it's funny. - Yeah, he's naturally funny. - He's just so like charismatically funny that like the way he converses is so, he's very intelligent.

So the way he frames the world is just funny. That's so cool. He's the guy, dude. Yeah, he's Willy Wonka. To me, that felt like a day. I felt like I was Charlie. That's inspiring. I think, you know, the whole goal of my life, right? And this whole adventure that I've been on. And it's been quite an adventure. Yeah, it's crazy. Is, you know, these tiny moments. It's not about like, okay, here we go. Adventure. Yeah, wait, wait, wait. Let's get it out first. You get it out first because I like this. Yeah, it's about...

Every year if something new happens, right? I think that's more important than success. Like, you know, like when we were in that island and we saw the little quokkas and they had a baby quokka coming out of the belly.

And then, you know, I'm taking a selfie with the quokka. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. It's a moment that I never planned. It was a surprise. Unexpected adventure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was memories. When you build memories, I think that's what the point of life is. I agree. And experiences. And it's like, you know, the Chappelle thing was that. And I think some of the things we experienced with quokkas. Quokkas.

Yeah, and also... Yeah, dude. Yeah. 14,000 seats. Sold out. 45,000 in Australia. Yeah. Yeah, dude. That's a memory. That's a memory. That's the whole point of life. That is. Yeah, don't you think? Yeah, let me do mine. Yeah. Do the music. Yeah.

I love that. Beautiful. It's beautiful, dude. At the Sydney airport, I had to go take a shit before our flight. And we were in a rush and I didn't want to be late to the gate because I had a carry-on bag and I didn't want there to be no bin space. So I quickly got up after taking a shit a little too fast and leaned forward and my penis brushed against the porcelain of the toilet seat.

Was your dick getting hard because of the dookie being too big? That's the problem. You know how your dick gets a little bigger sometimes? That's the problem. When you're taking a shit. Yep. I was engaging my sphincter. My dick got a little thicker. I brushed it against the porcelain. Stood there for like an honest minute. And, uh...

Now I'm a she. My kids have two moms now. I cut my penis right off at the Sydney airport. You'll find a little Cheeto in stall four, Sydney airport. Remember I had a meltdown?

Do it every day. Yeah. No in New Zealand. No going to New Zealand. Oh My god, I was a meltdown you had it was pretty bad It was pretty far there away than you think it is that I was fucking endless. They wouldn't let me on the earth They wouldn't let me on the plane. Yeah, we went to Perth - no, they don't we almost didn't let us into the country Oh really because his passport because you'd up because because um, well not just any dog. Oh

- The greatest dog alive. - Yeah, yeah. And so my dog- - Snoop Dogg did it. - Yeah, Snoop Dogg chewed on my passport. - Hey, cuz, give me that passport. - So there's a couple of pages with bite marks in it. And we're about to go and they're like, "Nah, you can't, you know what I mean, mate." And I go, "What do you mean? You can't come into the country." - They wouldn't let him through the biometrics? - Oh, that happened, yeah. So I just sat there while everyone got on the plane and I was like, I guess,

And then I started having a meltdown. He was arguing with you. You were alone? Did you guys just leave him there? No, we had a tour. We all had gotten on the plane. Yeah. He was last in the line. No, Carlos stayed with me. He was yelling, Google me. Yeah, Google me. And he was counting down the minutes until when he was just going to go back to LA. He started yelling, five. Really? Five minutes. I embarrassed my friend doing something like that in Vegas.

- You had a meltdown? - Well, no, no, I didn't melt down, but I was like trying to use my status to get into this restaurant. - What restaurant? Which one? - It was just in one of the, it was like the Venetian, I forget the, we just wanted to get food and there was like, it was like Friday night and I was just like, let's just go here. And then it was all like young girls who were probably my demographic. - Sure. - Yeah. - And I was just like, hey guys, I'm on TikTok. You might've seen me like, you sure you don't want, I like sold this place out like. - Wow, you did that? - Yeah, I did that. - I love it. - And he goes, he goes,

- Bro, that was gross. That was gross. - I know, when you-- - Who's your boy? - My buddy Chris. We started commenting. - I like that guy. - He was like, "That was gross." But then my reps got me in a reservation at Carbone and you guys, that was pretty cool. - It worked. - He's like, "Yeah, that was cool." Anyway, sorry to interrupt you. I interrupted you and told my story. - No, no, no, that's good. - But I am the guest, so. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should've went up my story. Pretty cool stuff. - Yeah, did you end up at Carbone?

He ended up on Air New Zealand. We ended up getting in there. Well, you want to wrap it up then, sweetheart? Yeah. You know what? Let's end this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wrap up the show with a song. I'd like that. Yeah.

♪ Bad friends, time to wrap up the podcast ♪ ♪ I had a good time talking with my best friends ♪ ♪ Yeah, Morgan J gonna come back again, right? ♪ - Yeah. - Maybe. - Maybe. - Yeah. ♪ Learned a lot about my friends here ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Thank you for being a bad friend ♪ ♪ Thank you for being a bad friend ♪

Man, that's so good.