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Stupid things I did as a kid. Now there are plenty of dumb things I did as a kid. I mean, believe it or not, I was probably one of the dumbest kids on the planet, but I somehow still got good grades. Which honestly surprises me, because, Jesus, I was dumb as a rock.
I genuinely had one brain cell when I was a kid. Like, I don't know what was going on with me. I guess the lack of life experience made me want to try like the stupidest things. And it also made my brain have like the dumbest thoughts of all time. So first of all, when I was a kid, to start, I was pretty gullible. I would believe anything if somebody said it to me. Especially my parents. Whatever they would tell me, I would believe 100%. The concept of lying just did not exist in my brain at all.
So when I was a kid, I would always wear shorts, even when it was really cold. Like, I just liked wearing shorts because they just felt more comfortable. And even if it was like 30 degrees out, I was just repping shorts. I was that guy. So my parents decided to implement this thing called the Summer Ferry, and I somehow believed it. So what they basically told me is that in like November or October, the Summer Ferry would come and take-
all my summer clothes and return them in the summer and somehow that made sense in my brain that there was just like a fairy that just took all my clothes and just poofed them all away magically yeah i don't know man i was really out here believing anything but one day i was just looking around in like the spare bedroom that we have in this room we basically just kept a bunch of old in here
And I was going through one of the drawers because I was kind of nosy. And then all of a sudden, I see all my summer clothes just sitting in that drawer. I think my seven-year-old brain, six-year-old brain, whatever, finally made the connection. I was like, hey, wait a minute. There's no summer fairway. Yeah, no shit, bro. I mean, I was too old to be believing in that shit. Like, seven years old? Like, come on, bro.
But oh my god, when I found out, I was so mad. My eyebrows were shriveling up. I was crying. Okay, it wasn't that serious. You get the idea. I was stamping my feet down the stairs. And I was like, mom, you lied? Yeah, I lied. What are you gonna do about it? And I made that noise that like all little kids make when they get mad. I was like, like...
You know what i'm saying? So I just ran back upstairs and just ransacked my room for all my summer clothes And I was over here like that'll show her and she just didn't care So like I said, I was extremely gullible So another thing I would do is like sometimes I would just make a mad face And my parents would always tell me don't do that. Your face is gonna get stuck like that Okay, first of all, how does that even work? How the fuck does your face just get stuck like that?
that. So every time I would kind of just like rest my eyebrows, right? And they would kind of like move down slightly. I would like push them up. I'm like, oh no, no, I don't want my face to get stuck like that. It's literally a habit like instilled into me to this day. The next thing took place at my grandmother's house. All right. So I was chilling and I was eating like a box of Cheez-Its or something like that.
And you know that classic saying that parents would use, like, oh, if you eat too much of something, you're gonna turn into it. Well, I was eating Cheez-Its, and I almost ate, like, the entire box. Like, I was really fiending on the Cheez-Its. Now, my grandfather is a man of many sayings, okay? So he walked up to me, and of course he used this saying, right? And he was like, hey, kiddo, slow down there, don't eat all those Cheez-Its. If you eat too many, you might turn into one. Ha ha ha ha ha.
I was crying in the club, alright? Like, I genuinely thought that I was going to turn into a Cheez-It. Yes. I don't know how much dumber it can get at this point. So yeah, let's just say I stopped eating Cheez-Its for a long time after that one. You know how in movies when you'd see a kid, like, go up to a pole and, like, stick his tongue on it? I wanted to try that for some reason. Like, I just thought that would be a good idea for some reason. So I tried it, and my tongue actually got stuck. Like, of course that's gonna happen.
I don't know why I was out here trying shit in movies. I don't know. Maybe it's because I just wanted to test the theory. I don't know why, but my tongue was stuck for like a solid minute until we poured water on it or something. And I, for some reason, was one to like eating things or licking things. Like I ate a penny before.
Licked play-doh to see what it tastes like. And I also licked a keyboard before. And I wondered why my immune system was so weak. Wow. I really wonder. I ended up skipping half my kindergarten year because I was always sick. I was sticking a bunch of shit in my mouth. Alright, you didn't hear that one. Licking stuff. So I was basically sick all the time. Now sometimes when I was sick, I would be watching movies. I would watch a movie on a channel or something like that.
I would always think they were performing the movie, like, live in front of me. I genuinely thought it was a livestream or something. Like, there's no way the movie could be, like, pre-made. No, that's just not possible. These movie actors, man, they're always busy, you know what I'm saying? They're just gonna replay it over and over again. So, when I actually did go to school, right, I was not the most intelligent, but my grades were good because, well, it was kindergarten or first grade at the time.
Now I don't know if this one was just me, but probably not or maybe I genuinely believed that teachers lived at the school So one day I asked my teacher. I don't know. We'll call her mrs. Jones So I went up to her. Hey, mrs. Jones, how do you sleep like there's no bed in here and she's like, oh silly I don't live at the school. I live at my home
And I just felt like a fucking idiot. I think I was in like first or second grade Thank God there was no one else in class and I was just being an academic weapon today And I was like the second kid in class so uh if anybody else saw that that would have been pretty embarrassing The next one is kind of related to dreams so sometimes you know when you wake up from a dream you kind of still see what was in your dream because your body's not fully awake yet the first time that happened to me I was four years old right and I
I woke up and saw like this giant dog, like just standing above me. And I was afraid of dogs at the time because I was just a little kid and I didn't want to get my face eaten off by a German shepherd. So I saw it and then I just screamed and I was like hiding under my blanket and just shivering for like two hours straight. When I screamed, my dad came in my room and he's like, what the hell are you doing? I'm like,
there's a dog over there. Watch out. I thought I was out here saving lives, bro. He was like, no, there isn't. What do you mean? I'm like, yes, there is. Be careful. And I just like stayed under the blanket and it took him two hours to convince me that there was nothing there. At six in the morning, I finally peeked my head out of the blanket, shivering in fear and saw nothing there. And I was like,
Thank God he's gone. He's not gone. You fucking idiot. He was never there in the first place. Like it actually hurts my brain how stupid I was bro. Remember the gotcha nose thing? So my cousin he was way older than me now something that people would do with kids at the time was the whole gotcha nose thing and I was at my grandma's house and he was there at the time he walked upstairs and he
He said hi to me and uh, he was just goofing around with me, I don't know. I was doing some stupid shit, running around in circles, and all of a sudden he was like, "Gotcha nose!" And I was like,
Where's my nose? And he would just like wiggle his thumb between all his fingers. And that made it more believable to my four-year-old brain because half of it was covered. So I ran over to his hand and I was like punching his hand. I was like, give me my nose back. And it was really an emotional moment. And I was like clawing open his hands and he opened his hand and he's like, ha ha ha. There's nothing there. You idiot. And I was like, you tricked
Yeah, no shit, you're gonna get tricked as a stupid four-year-old. Like, I mean, shit happens. And after that, I literally thought he was like a magician or something. I don't know, because I thought he was like holding my nose and then it just disappeared or I don't know. There was a lot of things going on in my brain. It was really emotional.
I thought I really lost my nose. So the last thing on the list, I don't know if it's a common family tradition for a lot of you, but our family would eat lentils on New Year's Day. And this kind of reminded me because I'm recording this on New Year's Day. Now, I guess people eat lentils on New Year's. I don't know, because it's like a good way to start off the new year because it's healthy or something like that. My family was like trying to get me to eat them. Right. So they were like, oh, you're going to get a lot of money this year if you eat lentils. And I was like, really? I'm going to get paid.
And they're like, yeah, yeah, you're going to get paid. So like, as I was eating the lentils, somebody put like a $5 bill in my pocket. And I guess I just didn't notice. And then everybody was like, check your pocket. And I checked it and there was a $5 bill. I was like, oh my God. Like I was actually like fucking mesmerized, but that there was a $5 bill in my pocket after I ate lentil. In conclusion, my parents are probably really disappointed. Want another video to watch? Watch this video on screen. Anyways, I'm out. Bye.