Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Mobile games. They were just so much better back in the 2010s. And today, I'm putting myself to the test. I'm playing some of the classics, the best mobile games. And then I'm also playing some dogshit ones. And we're gonna go from the best all the way down to the worst. And we're gonna see which mobile game is truly the worst. And honestly, man, I don't truly know. So I'm really in for a surprise. Now we're gonna start with Cut the Road.
Now, I absolutely love this game, as I mentioned a lot of times. And this is probably my favorite game out of the batch today that we're going to be playing. So you know what? Screw it. We're starting with Cut the Rope. All right, we're here on Cut the Rope. Okay, this is fucking with this game. It's pretty fire. So we're going to play it. And now I've beaten like seven of the boxes. I went back to it recently and I'm like, fuck it. We're going to run it back. So we're going to start here. You know, level 20, hard level. Oh, fuck you. Nah, I got this, bro. Stop sleeping on me.
Okay, never mind. Alright, you know what? Attempt number two. This one's gonna be good, alright? Okay, we got this, we got this. I think the game is just sleeping on me, bro. They know. They just know. We moving, we moving? Oh, fuck. I just fucked it up. You know what? Fuck getting three stars. I'm done.
I'm just gonna all right. There we go. Yes We kind of did it. Oh, well, i'll go back to it later. I'm three starring everything but oh fuck off What the fuck is this angry birds 2? Nah, bro angry regular angry bird solos get out of here. I'm smart, bro I'm a genius. Let's go. Let's go watch me cook real quick. All right, you gotta y'all gotta watch me cook All right, there we go. Okay, good enough good enough fuck another ad are you kidding?
My God, bro. Fuck. What even is this? Like, what am I even playing right now? This is the most janky mobile game I've ever seen in my entire life, bro. What? This might have to be on the list, bro. I don't know. I might have to go back and play this later. I don't know. All right. I'm ready. I'm ready. Hopefully I can skip this way. I could have skipped it the whole time. I'm stupid, bro. What the hell? All right.
We're going. Attempt two. Okay, I fucked it up. Oh my god, another one. Okay, I'm done. I'm done. Now, overall, yes, Cut the Rope is my favorite game out of all of these on the list. And, you know, I do gotta put it on airplane mode when I'm playing, unfortunately. That shit's a cheat code, I'm telling you. Next up on the list, we got Clash of Clans. Yo, alright, we on Clash of Clans. Now, I haven't logged on here in a fat minute, but, you know, as you can see, the base is looking nice, bro.
Alright, like I really cooked up when I was a kid. Like I was going off. But today, we're doing an attack. Alright, we're absolutely, we're gonna wipe the floor. Are you ready? Alright, let's find a match. Let's see. Okay, there's some serious loot right here. Alright, it's looking pretty good.
Alright, alright. I'mma run it. I'mma run it back. This base looks rushed as hell. I got this, man. I got this. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not gonna lie. I forget, like, the main strategies. I'm just gonna fucking put everything down, bro. I'm not gonna lie to you. I don't remember the last time I've done, like, a formal attack on this game. I've literally just started spamming shit. That's the strat now, bro. Like, honestly, I don't even know if, like, I'm doing this right. Pfft.
Alright, let me put down my fucking Archer Queen. I haven't done this in a while. Oh shit, yo, I'm cooking. Let's go. Nah, I did not realize this apparently was gonna work. Alright. Damn, I guess I'm a beast then. Let's go. I'm a beast. Yes, bro. Two stars. Don't at me, bro. I'm goaded. I'm goaded. Nah, we getting that three star. Easy. Easy. Oh, nah. Don't go down. Nah, don't fumble the bag.
DON'T FUMBLE! BRO! You best be staying alive. Oh, nah. Okay. Alright, yup, alright. The Archer Queen's picking shit off. Perfect. Nah, bro, this is it. This is it, man, I'm telling you. Three stars, bro. Don't sleep on me. Bro better not have placed his builder huts in the corner. Thank god. Okay. He's not one of those. Alright, good. Alright, those people would always fucking annoy me. But, hey, we got this, we got this. Oh, nah, don't fumble. Please.
Get that Tesla. Yes. Get the cannon. Oh, nah, it's over. It's wraps. Yes. Let's go. Oh, nah, please. Yes. Do not at me. Three stars, bro. I got all that loot too, bro. I'm a beast. Let's fucking go. Y'all got this to witness the greatest gameplay of all time. Now, next up on the list is Subway Surfers. Subway Surfers, man. I grinded this game because I wanted all the characters. So we're going to run it back for all time's sake, man. I absolutely loved it.
All right, so we running up Subway Surfers now. As you can see, I have one of those like mission skins. Like I had to go through this entire ass mission. I picked up the game last year and I was like, fuck it, bro. We're cooking. Yeah, yo fat ass is not catching me, buddy. You think you're him? Nah, nah, get out of here. We don't need no booster. Hell nah. We're him. We're goading. I don't know who this is, but I'm beating your high score, bro. You suck.
Is that jetpack? Oh no, it's a mystery box. Now those mystery boxes are kind of shit, bro. I'm not gonna lie to you. I don't even know how long I'm gonna go- Oh, goddamn, I fucking suck. Trust, I'm gonna get over 300,000. I promise. I'm gonna make it happen, guys. Trust me. My phone might run out of storage and absolutely boof up this entire video, but whatever. You know what? I'm still gonna make it happen, even though it's not on recording. Pogo stick? Yo. No, that was a finesse. Oh, what?!
Nah, that's some bull. That is some bull. I don't... Y'all see that? That's... Come on. Now we gotta talk about Geometry Dash. Now, this game was so hard, bruh, for no reason. And now, even though this game was good, I...
I just I just raged a lot like I would throw my phone so much over this game So, uh, y'all are about to see me throw my phone again. All right geometry dash geometry dash I don't know what level to play i've beaten probably up to yeah, this is where I got stuck level 11 We're gonna we're gonna try this level. You know what we're going right in the middle cook season. I still got it boys I still got it
Okay, maybe I'm gassing myself up too much, but I think I just got it down like muscle memory at this point because I... Okay, never mind. That was... You didn't see that. You didn't see that. Okay, we're back. We're back on our timing. Let's see this. All right, it's cook season. We're moving. Okay, never mind. Never mind. Attempt six. Wait, I played this six times already? What the fuck? Y'all see me, right? Oh, never mind.
Nah, bro. I fucking suck, dude. I'm so bad. Fuck! Dude, I'm so bad. Nah, bro. This is... This is rigged.
It's rigged. I'm telling you, bro. I'm okay. I got past that part. Oh my god, you know, i'm done Fuck this i'm done. All right. Now it's time for the shit ones All right, we're gonna start with uh, what the hell aquapark.io. All right, we're running it All right, here we are with our player. All right, we're gonna give give our player a name You know what? I'll just put my i'll put my channel in there. We're doing this. We're we're running it I don't even i've never played this game before. Who are these people, bro? All right, i'm in 15. Oh, oh, oh, oh
Okay. Watch, watch. I'm taking the fattest shortcut. Let's go! Yeah, that was a crazy shortcut. I'm in first, bro. I'm a beast. I'm just a beast at this game, bro. Trust. Like, I'm himmy for real. Alright, I'm in fourth now. I gotta catch up, man. Oh, oh, oh, oh, shit. Sixth place, bro. Mid-tier, bro. I suck, man.
Aw, damn, there's another fucking ad already- I'm trying to run it up, bro! Come on! Alright, now, I'm thinking I need a haircut. My hair's getting pretty long, so, you know what? It's time- it's time for Fade Master. The greatest game of all time. I've never heard of this game, but I saw it in the App Store and I'm like, "This looks goofy as hell."
we're playing fade master now all right bro is in the shop what what cut or what cut are we getting i think we're gonna get the uh yo the fade bro's gotta look fresh okay i'm doing a good job i'm doing a good job i'm lining him up i'm lining bro up you're getting a crazy fade over here oh bro's looking fresh right now let's go all right i gotta get the bottom here he's he's got a little bit going on here so i i gotta i i definitely fucked up bro i'm not gonna
I fucked up bro. Alright, okay. That is the bro is not lying. Wait, did I do it? Oh, I did it. All right. Yo, he actually liked my cut. Nah, bro. That shit was some cheats. What the fuck? All right. You know what? We're gonna move. Oh, come on, bro.
Y'all are blue balling me here. I want to do the next cut. Like, come on. Four, three, two. Please, bro. I want to do the next cut. Why does his hair look like that? I'll give him, uh, I'll give him like, give him like, I'll leave him with a piece of hair on his head. He'll love it. I'm telling you, he'll love it. Stop getting in my way. All right, I'm gonna leave pieces of hair back there. See, he'll love it. I'm pretty sure this checks out, guys. What do you think? I think this checks out. It's pretty good. He liked it. I didn't even give him.
How did he like it? I didn't even give him the full cut. If somebody gave me that, I'd be like, nah, bro. I'm not paying you. What the fuck? Fine and dandy. Pause. Whoa. All right. All right. You know what? This game, this game's too much. In the last mobile game on the list today, this has got to be the worst one I found. Speak to the manager.
What the hell is this? Okay, you know what? We're running it. We are running it. I spend thousands of dollars here each year. Give me a discount. Sorry, no discounts. Get out. My ex used to work here. What's her number? Get the fuck out. Yeah, get out of here. All right, who are you? Who are you? I'm very sick. What should I buy? Chicken soup and medicine. Yo, let's go. Dab me up, dab me up. Wait, she's back? What? Why are you back? I'm...
I ate a banana while I was shopping. So do I have to pay for it? Motherfucker, what? You gotta pay for that shit. What are you talking about, bro? Give me, cough up. Cough up the money. Cough up the ban. Can I have a frequent shopper discount? We don't offer that. We're at an airport now. Oh, fuck no, bro. Fuck that. Can I take my miniature horse? Huh?
Wait, what? Hell nah, bro. You don't have to pay extra. I'm a celebrity. Can I have first class? How safe are your planes? Yeah, you might actually die. We're Spirit Airlines. You're gonna die. Oh, we almost got a new car. I'm loving this game. Can you tell me about...
bidets um yeah they sound very weird that's kind of questionable why do you want water up your ass that's weird can i have your phone number what do you need my number for bro what are you trying to riz me up what the fuck yes all right i got the new car oh that is a crazy whip i'm not even alive all right this is the video's over have a have a good one guys