Shownotes Transcript
Intrusive thoughts. Yeah, sometimes they win. I'm not gonna lie. It just gets the best of me. You know, I have to do it. Sometimes I end up just getting a little bit too curious and then it bites me in the ass. I'm sure everybody before has wanted to cut a pair of earbuds. Just
Just for no reason at all. Or actually that one might just be me or some intrusive thoughts that I get. Let's just say if I actually did it. Yeah, I would definitely get my ass beat. Like if I see somebody just like standing by a lake, just thinking about life. Sometimes I just get a thought like, huh?
What would happen if I just pushed him in the lake? You know, I think he would enjoy a nice swim, right? Yeah, no, I've never acted on an intrusive thought like that. That's crazy. Maybe I pushed my brother in the pool a few times because, well, he did it to me. So what does he expect? Sometimes, you know... At Sierra, discover great deals on top brand workout gear, like high quality walking shoes, which might lead to another discovery. 40,000 steps, baby.
Who's on top now, Karen? You've taken the Office Step Challenge a step too far. Don't worry though, Sierra also has yoga gear.
It might be a good place to find your zen. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm
I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com. Just got to cave to the intrusive thoughts. It just has to happen.
It's kind of like that whole phenomenon with the devil and the angel on your shoulder. Like you got one thought in your head telling you, oh Jesus, how preposterous. That would be very mean. Then you have another thought like, do it or you're a bitch. No ifs, ands, or buts. And these two thoughts just absolutely duke it out in your head. But there are some times where I definitely do wish my intrusive thoughts won. I mean, times people were just being complete assholes.
That's to me. Yeah, absolutely. I kind of do wish the intrusive thoughts won. And there's some times where, yeah, my intrusive thoughts like definitely crossed the line. Like you see a spoiled asshole like in a Target just on the floor crying because his mom didn't get him like $100 worth of toys, but instead only got him one Lego set. So he was crying. You know, I would think to myself, damn, if I was that kid's mom, I would punt the fuck.
out of that okay that that was too far but you get the point but obviously like the whole situation would piss me off that i would just start cooking up intrusive thoughts but sometimes man i just did it without even thinking about it one time my mom told me she's gonna go return some clothes at dick's sporting goods but i really had no particular reason like as to why i did this i don't know i was just being an idiot i just had the thought pop in my mind damn
I wonder what would happen if I just ripped the receipt in half, just absolutely tore it in like a million pieces. Like I wanted to see the receipt in like how many little pieces is possible. Genuinely to this day, I don't know what was wrong with me, but it just had to be done. In the moment I did that. But yeah, my mom was like, are you ready to go? I'm like, yeah, I'm going. She's like, oh, did you see the receipt? I'm like, oh yeah, I have it.
I have it. And at this point, I knew I was fucked. I was like, all right, just, you know what? Keep your composure. Just pretend like nothing's wrong. And then we drove all the way to Dick's Sporting Goods. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.
My friend's still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be.
Spring Fest and Ego Days are here at Lowe's. Right now, get a free select Ego 56-volt battery with purchase of a select trimmer, blower, or mower kit. Plus, shop today for new and exclusive items you need for your lawn. So get ready for spring with the latest in innovation from Ego, the number one rated brand in cordless outdoor power. Only at Lowe's. We help, you save. Offer valid through 4-2. Selection varies by location while supplies last.
For whatever reason I didn't cough up and say hey, I kind of ripped the receipt into a million pieces now Keep in mind. I was in second grade So obviously I was gonna do some shit like this we get there and then she asked me to hand her the receipt I was like I ripped it a trillion pieces
Yeah, I don't even know what was going on in my mind. That's just what I felt like doing apparently and holy shit Yeah, my mom just yelled at me for the next 10 minutes and uh, you know what I deserved it to this day I just don't understand what the hell was going through my head
And when I got home, oh, I got a stern talking to or actually, you know what? More than a stern talking to from my dad. Like, I'm lucky he never took out a belt because, yeah, oh, I for sure deserve the belt after that. That's crazy. Sometimes I just end up hurting myself or just doing something stupid because I don't know. I wasn't thinking.
Like, I just did it for no apparent reason. I knew I was gonna get hurt doing it, but regardless, I still did it anyway. A lot of the injuries I had in my childhood injuries video were because of the intrusive thoughts. Because I decided, you know what? Let me poke the top of my finger with a pocket knife or whatever.
Just to see what happens. Like, bro, we know what's gonna happen. You're gonna cut your finger. Like, I knew that, like, it was dangerous and I shouldn't do it. But I did it regardless. One time I was, like, four or five years old. I don't know what I was doing. Like, I very well couldn't have gotten hurt if it wasn't for my neighbor. I was playing catch in the front yard with my brother. And I see a car start to go by. And this dude is flying, like, fucking 40 miles an hour. And then my five-year-old brain, for some reason, was like, shit, bro.
Nah, you got that bro. You can make it like no bro. This dude's flying down the neighborhood I'm not gonna make it but regardless I just sprint for the ball now my neighbor had to like yell at this dude to stop and he was like What the hell are you doing? You almost just hit this kid trying to run into the road and grab a ball like I was kind of being an idiot too because
Why why the hell would I run into the road when there's a car coming? But still this dude was going 40 miles an hour in a residential neighborhood And if my neighbor wasn't there, holy shit I don't I don't know what would have happened My ass definitely would have got ran over or something Like sometimes when i'm at like a crosswalk or something too like even to this day Like I kind of think to myself damn what would happen if I run into the road? I know like an intrusive thought like that. I'm never gonna act on that
But you know, sometimes it's a little bit of a close call. And something like that could have easily been avoided if I just waited for the crosswalk sign. But me and my friends were just like, you know what? Fuck it. We're just going to dart across the street. We can make it. The light just turned green for the other cars. And we're like, nah, we can make it. So we just hauled ass across the street. So the car had to like stop short. And then they just honked at me. And they were probably like, what the hell is this dude doing, bro? Like my brain really is against it.
Make your next move with American Express Business Platinum. Enjoy complimentary access to the American Express Global Lounge Collection and with a welcome offer of 150,000 points after you spend $20,000 on purchases on the card within your first three months of membership, your business can soar to new heights. Terms apply. Learn more at americanexpress.com slash business dash platinum. Amex Business Platinum. Built for business by American Express.
That's crazy. Like my brain really is trying to see me get hurt. But yeah, there was one time that little devil on my shoulder was like, let's just see how long you can hold your breath underwater. Just, just try it just to try, you know, like, ah, who cares if you almost die? I did it just to do it. And I went underwater and I was just sitting there for like, I don't even know how long passed honestly for like 20 seconds. Like I was just chilling, right? My oxygen levels just kept getting lower and lower, but yet my intrusive thoughts were no,
Nope, keep going. Keep going. See how long you can go. And I don't know how long I was underwater, but all I remember is I was coughing a shit ton when I got out of the water. My parents were like, are you okay? What the hell happened? I was just like, yeah, I'm good. I just wanted to go underwater. Like they probably thought I was some kind of psychopath. Like what?
Like who goes underwater until they're like completely short on breath on purpose? Like I don't know why the hell I did that to myself. No clue Sometimes, you know, I get intrusive thoughts, you know to be an asshole to other people and now I rarely act on thoughts like this despite me probably sounding like the biggest asshole on planet earth in my videos Some people in real life tell me dude, you would not hurt a fly
But sometimes, bro, the intrusive thoughts, they just get the best of me. Now, obviously, I didn't hurt anybody. So I'm not really sure if this counts as an intrusive thought. But regardless, I was just being a dickhead. But basically, one time I was with my friends. And at my house, I had like these bikes that had like a water gun on the front. I'll put a picture of it on screen. They were kind of stupid looking, but they were kind of fire at the same time. And one of my friends was like standing near my mom and his mom. They were just like talking about whatever. And I just decided to spray the shit.
Out of the three of them with this fucking water gun. Like, I don't know why, bro. Like, I was just being a dickhead for no reason. Because the people I was supposed to be spraying were like my brother and my other friend. The people actually using the bikes. But for whatever reason, I was targeting them. And my other friend just started crying. And I was like, damn, bro. After that, I regretted it, bro. I felt like an asshole.
And my mom and my friend's mom, oh, they were pissed at me rightfully so. They were like, what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you just spraying this kid for no reason? And then after regretting purely what I did, of course, I was just like babbling my words. I couldn't even give an explanation. I was like, and as punishment, the friend that I sprayed with water, he took the bike and my ass had to sit in the corner and watch them for like two hours. And then I had to sit there and just think about my actions out.
And as a little kid, like now I'm thinking about it. Damn, I really was an asshole. What the fuck? Because I just remember the time where apparently I was at my friend's house. And at the time, silly bands were very popular. And they had, they had rare ones, like just in a pile, just sitting there on the ground. And like they were playing the Wii or something. Like they were completely distracted. And I had an intrusive thought pop up in my mind. You should steal them. You should take them. They're not even a notice. Now I was sitting there. I was like, oh, but stealing's wrong. No, just take it.
They're glow-in-the-dark, bro. Just f***ing take them. And I was just looking at them. And I was like, damn, they are glow-in-the-dark. And they probably don't even really care. Business taxes. We're stressing about all the time and all the money you spent on your taxes. This is my bill?
Now Business Taxes is a TurboTax small business expert who does your taxes for you and offers year-round advice at no additional cost so you can keep more money in your business. Now this is taxes. Intuit TurboTax. Get an expert now on TurboTax.com slash business. Only available with TurboTax Live Full Service.
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the Name Your Price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.
about these silly bands anyway. They have a whole other pile in their room. So I tried to rationalize this intrusive thought and I took them. I just stole their shit and just went home. And I don't think they even ever noticed. Like they probably just thought they lost them or something. I knew it was wrong to steal shit from my friends. I was in like second grade, so I was definitely old enough to know that. But still, for whatever reason, I just did it anyway. But some of the, I guess, intrusive thoughts I get now, I don't really know if I could call them that.
If I'm like running on the treadmill or something, it's usually like you better add five minutes or you're a bitch. That's right. And I'll end up doing five extra minutes and then it just keeps adding on bro. I'm like, nah, one more minute, bro. You got to get to 200 calories burnt or you're a fat piece of sh- It's just whenever I do any form of like physical activity.
These thoughts always plague my mind. When I'm lifting weights at the gym or playing sports with friends, I can't count the amount of times I thought in my mind, if I don't make this shot, my house is getting robbed tonight. And then I don't make the shot. And well, it's probably because I knew there's no pressure. My house is not actually going to get robbed. But imagine if it did. Like, imagine the moment you thought that, like, whatever you thought was actually going to happen.
Like Harry and Marv from Home Alone were going to pull up to my house and just rob me. But by far the funniest moment I had with an intrusive thought, or I don't really know if it is an intrusive thought. I think it was a pretty reasonable crash out, but I'm still going to tell the story anyway. Okay, so we had an event at our school where each class would like play games against each other.
And it would be like juniors versus freshmen and sophomores versus seniors or some sh*t like that. And at the time I was a sophomore and we got fourth place out of all the other classes. My brother and one of my friends was with me and we were like walking down the street. We wanted to just walk to our cars and just head home because we were already a little bit bummed out about losing. We already knew we were gonna get sh*t from the other classes the next day. And now on our way out, we were just talking about football or something because I played football at the time.
Now, each class had to wear, like, a different color shirt, and we were in, like, neon green, bro. Not only were we roastable, but we were very well noticeable. So, so a group of seniors stopped just to say, like, Oh, you guys are probably on the bench, bro. How does this L taste, bro? He literally just fucking spat on us and just hit the L dance metaphorically right in front of us. Like, that's literally how it felt. So, obviously, you know, I was starting to boil a little bit.
Then there was the angel on my shoulder. Oh, just walk to your car and laugh it off. You know, you'll be all right, buddy. And then the devil on my shoulder. It's like yelling him, yelling him, fucking crashed the hell out. Let's just say not even a split second passed. And I was crashing the hell out. And they were talking about like fighting me right now or some shit. I just screamed at the top of my lungs. Go fuck yourselves. Y'all are some pussies. You are not going to fight me right now. Talking all that shit across the street. That's crazy. And I was just absolutely raging when I got home. I don't know why I got this mad over.
it. And now I'm not usually a confrontational person at all, bro, but sometimes, man, I don't know. Some shit just pisses me off. So I got to yell about it. But you want to know what's more common than intrusive thoughts? Shower thoughts. So I'll watch this video on shower thoughts on the end screen right now. Just click on it.