119: BROOKE GOT OFFERED 2 MILLION DOLLARS FOR THIS…. - Ep. 119
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Hello and welcome back to the Cancelled Podcast. We have our favorite friend in the building. Ew! What? You hate that? Yeah. Yeah, Mari really hates that. Do they hate it too? I think they do hate it, yeah. Do you hate it? Everything.

Today's episode is a timeless episode of the Canceled Podcast. We're shooting this on Wednesday, April 9th at 8.22pm. But who knows? This could come out in August. But just know that I don't still have two black eyes. What did you just call her? Bleffy the Vampire Slayer? Yeah, Bleffy the Vampire Slayer. And Natalia. She's my friend. We work out. Whom?

Natalia Grace? No, Buffy the Vampire. She's like, yeah, I bench her. You know what? Have you seen Good American Family?

family. But I know what you're talking about. But you know what? We need to introduce a segment on this show called What We Got Wrong in the Last Episode. I think we've been trying to do that for a long time. You know what's funny? Sometimes I will see online people like, can they please just do their goddamn research? Let me answer that for you. No. But seriously, sometimes I'm like, I do get fried or

right up i get fired up because i'm like why are you coming to us for educational information but also like sometimes we'll be saying stuff that's like how the fuck and you say with your chest oh yeah like so confident but that's what i learned that's what that's what i was taught is like say things with confidence is key but i'm just lying to people i'm just saying some wrong ass shit it's like buzz light year was on the move

I love when we get a laugh from the audience. I know. When you get a laugh from in there, it's as good as a good bump. I'm going to tell you that much. I made a good joke earlier and I'm not even kidding. I've been on a high ever since. It was a joke. You had to be there. What did we get wrong? What did we get wrong? Oh, we got wrong. Natalia Grace was not a little woman. She was actually only eight years old.

Dude, all of it. I don't know. I haven't finished the fucking show. Me either, but I have been seeing it all over TikTok that she actually was eight, but it's like, who's lying? You. She's like, what? Really? Well, I got in trouble because I sent her that TikTok about her having Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome or whatever.

Or whatever. You're already being dismissive to the community. I'm sorry. But it's this syndrome. And this girl had made this video about it. And I sent it to Tana. And Tana freaked out on me. She texted me death threats. Diagnosing me with the syndrome with the average life expectancy of 48. But God forbid I just try to raise awareness or something.

Race awareness. That's what I said to Tana. And then she's mad at me about it. So on the podcast, I'm like, no, no, no. Trust me. It's probably not even real. I've never even heard of it. Just jokingly backtracking. And now it's like, Brooke doesn't believe in us. Oh. Wow. Wow. And I've accidentally discredited it. Wow. I got to get with those people. We should do a walk or something. No, but apparently it is. It's actually very common. I didn't realize in our comment section, everybody's like, oh, I have that. And it has more to do, I think, with your...

then I, collagen, I'm not, let me not, let me just not, okay, let me. Yeah, let's just not, but just know that I, No confidence this time. I believe in you and I know you're real. Yeah.

You are seen. Like it's Jack Frost. I was just trying to make my friend feel better. No. And it is. And we've had that running bit of like, if you haven't heard about some shit, it is not real to you. I know. But you know, when things get clipped on TikTok and they're like, and she went to nursing school. Like, first of all, I never said that. And by that, I mean, I've 100% said that. I'm serious.

I was pre-nursing. I never got professionally admitted to the nursing program and I never would have. I love how you're like clarifying this like years later. Yeah. Well, everyone knew. Everyone knew. Do you think the people in nursing school, like were they like, oh, she's not going to make it? Yes. Oh, yeah. Like you were just kind of. First of all, because I'm like an actual idiot. Second of all, because I cheated my way all through school.

And because I had to take Chem 101 twice. Chem 101. Twice. With Dr. Van Dorn. Love her. And I got a C the first time. No, imagine she was like with Meredith Gray. That. She was honestly very similar. Just got a C. Okay? And like, you can't get a C and get professionally admitted. So I had to retake the course. Okay? Sat front row every single day. I was teacher's pet. Me and Dr. Van Dorn, we were like literally best friends. Got a C again. Yeah.

I should have just given it up right then and there. That's always how school felt for me. I was like, listen, I just can't do better than this. And you know my dad would always tell me fence posts can get a C. And I'm like, can you even read? No. At all. Literally at all. I have to pee so bad that it's clouding my... Give it up. I know. Go pee. We can cook while you're gone. But I'm just... I'm having a good time and I don't want to miss out. Might as well piss yourself on set since you shit yourself last time. Yeah, it's...

It's so funny. Amari was just saying off camera that when I was saying, huh? Weren't the chairs white? No. I thought. I'm just kidding. I was freaking out because the chairs were white. Did you guys switch them out because you didn't want any more?

Any poopy mishaps? No, we don't have three white chairs, so we brought out the green chairs just for you. Oh, okay. Amari was saying in one of the last episodes, I was saying that the bathroom smells like carcass, and he was under the impression that I was saying that I made it smell like carcass. Yes. She was saying that? That's what I interpreted it as. Me too. It was also clipped, though. Like, I didn't watch the episode. See, look at these clips just painting us in... Painting us like we're shitting on things and making it smell bad. Yeah.

I still can't believe that. Have you ever shit yourself? No. I know you have. Why do you say it with such judgment? I don't say it with... What do you mean I know you have? Well, you shit yourself on the way to shoot one of your guys' tour thingies. God forbid I still show up to work. I was not downplaying your hardworking...

Your drive. Your drive. Okay. You know, I am so proud of you, but I was just saying I haven't, I've never shit myself. No, you're next. That's how it works. That's how it works. She told me I was literally, I was always like, no, I'm better than all of you. Like my sphincter is fucking on lock. You let your farts out though. Like I won't do that. Okay. Yes. She's like, people who go to the bathroom every single time they have to fart are fucking out to lunch.

No, but you can just hold it in. Well, this was like not a situation where you could just hold it in. No. Oh, yeah. But I will just say this specific like it was coming whether I wanted it to or not. Like there was no question. Like it was like I could clench with all of my might and it did not matter. Well, why didn't you get up and leave then if you knew that like that was what was happening? Because I thought it was just a really driven fart.

It drove. No risk assessment team. It drove. Skid marks, babe. Bad. No, not even skid marks. It was just one little dollop on the back of her pants.

Audio listeners, if you could see my face. And it's just the way I had to hose myself down at home like a dog. It's a liar. Yeah, we didn't even hug when she walked in. No, literally, we didn't even hug. I was like, I gotta go. It was actually really funny, though, because I think you got your makeup done that day? Yeah. Yeah, and it was so funny because she came down to my room after, and I knew she was getting the shower. I heard the shower and everything. She comes down to my room full glam still, and I was like...

Did you? Did you shit yourself and you still went out of your way to see the wing? Yeah, that wing was an Alexis Oakley wing. A $300 wing. I'm wearing that the next day to Jeff Wittek's live show. I had shit on my face. Yeah. Yeah, I don't need a micellar water or my fucking eyes because I shit myself. I just took the little nozzle to the hole. I do have to pee. Go piss, girl. Piss on the floor. Piss on the floor. I guess I should piss on the floor. I guess I should just piss on the floor. Where's that from? You guys can have fun without me.

nope god forbid she's like do you have my walker are your eyes still itchy they're itchy they feel like are the stitches still in doesn't look like i only my big ones like these the ones that are coming and i pimple patched them to my face that's so funny because i had this big old sticker and i was like let me just

Honestly smart because the pimple patch is like invisible. This girl at the gifting suite earlier was like talking to Tana and she was like... I love that you still went. I know. Well, I have my sunglasses on. She's talking to Tana and she's so excited to meet Tana and like we're talking for a long time and I'm like jumping into conversation here and there but like won't even like she's a Tana fan so she's like talking, talking, will not look at me. And finally she goes, take your glasses off. Okay.

No. And I pulled out my glasses. She's like, ow. I'm like, was it Alyssa Violet? Won't even acknowledge you. Bless her heart. Bless her heart. What should we talk about while she's gone? Tell me a secret.

um don't have any secrets but since we're talking about good american family doesn't she exhibit natalia behavior i don't know i didn't i haven't seen the show okay so basically like she's just like he's always throwing temper tantrums to get her way and stuff and honestly that's really it too because like the night that she shit herself um was the night that the episode came out comes out at midnight on tuesday so it's technically wednesday or whatever but she was like i'm so fucking sick blah blah blah whatever and we watch it weekly and i was like

Okay, well like you're so sick that you're shitting yourself. Maybe we could watch- We're filming! We're having fun without me. We're actually talking about you. We're talking about how you are Natalia Grace. Fuck. She's like, I'm so fucking sick. Well, if you're so sick, obviously like I want to watch a show with you. But like maybe like what if we just watch it on FaceTime tonight? Like at the same time, you know? Like we're a long distance couple. Well, you were so sick that you were shitting yourself. That's the last thing I want for myself. And-

of course, Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss found my way up there because I wasn't winning. That's another Natalia Grace behavior is like she will get her way. She will go and go and go until she gets her way. And she knows the people she can get her way with. I am one of those people. I'd say like I used to be like 100% people pleaser and I think I've definitely like leveled down to like

60% people please turn by people no no no no wait wait well because think about how many times I say yes yes yes yes master laughter

JK. But like think about how many times I say yes. So it's like I gotta say no at some point. No, I agree. And I like I remember the moments that you started really standing on no and I respect that because I used to really just exhaust you. She thinks that I say no all the time. But in reality, I say yes a lot. But there's a lot of no's too because she asks me a lot of things. Yes. I'm just obsessed with you. That's the thing. It is like her. I always know that it's out of love. So I take like no. Like no.

Not offense. I hope you don't take offense to me saying no. No. Yeah, I do. See, here she goes. Here she goes. She knows what she's doing. Just in my dream world, I would shrink you down and put you in my pocket and you'd be everywhere with me. Hit up Elon. Yeah. I'm sure he's got something going. So you think I give Natalia Grace? You think I give the woman with dwarfism and or the eight-year-old? I don't think she's dwarfism. Well, because you know how the story ends, right? Like...

The girl's claiming like I was a child, but then the family's claiming up and down that she wasn't. And there's no real answer. No one knows. The real answer is that she's eight. Is she alive? Uh-huh. Where's she at? I want to watch the BFFs podcast. You're lying. I'm just kidding. No, but in reality, it was just her on BFFs. She has a rare form of dwarfism.

Oh, she does have dwarfism. I'm sorry. No, but it's up in the air, truly. Like, there is no final verdict. Like, she's still, she's dying on the hill saying, like, I'm eight, bitch. You know what? I'm eight. I ate. I am so excited to see the canceled podcast live in Australia, which is why I wanted to give the sponsor of today's video, SeatGeek, a huge shout out. With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app.

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That's 10% off any tickets with promo code CANCELLED2025. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you SeatGeek for sponsoring today's episode of the Canceled Podcast. I used to be 8 pounds. I am 8 pounds. After my lymphatic today. Lymphatic drainage. So lymphatic drainage massages are like...

The celebs get them like before red carpets and stuff. Well, I got lymphatic body sculpting. So what's that? Honestly, I don't know. They use this machine on me and I'm not going to lie. Like, so I have this issue with massages. Well, not as of lately, but the very first time I ever got a massage, I was in New York City and I like started getting hard during it. And I was like, I fucking hate massages. I would only let people like, I would only get foot massages for the longest time. What was she massaging that you got hard on?

I don't remember. I think it's like an inner thigh. I think it was like my inner thighs. Today, we had to revisit that kind of situation. Well, I didn't get hard, but like I almost started to get hard because they were using- This lady like who's the Kardashians and shit? No, this is someone else. She's in Japan. You're like grandma, grandma, grandma. No, literally, I was just like- But she started using this like suction thingy on the inside of my thighs and I was just like- As Amish would go, oh, or whatever the fuck he does. It was just like, oh my God. I was like-

What the fuck? That is kind of crazy. And I've just been kind of in heat lately. You're horned up. I actually hooked up with someone this past weekend. I've got my Riz back. You 69? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We don't need to put everything out there like that. You thought it up. We sucked each other's... At the same time. We had a...

We went skiing. Let me ask you a question about 69ing. I feel like I've obviously been in the position before, but I still have questions. Me and Mike obviously have done it before. Isn't it like, you know, when you're scratching someone's back and like there's someone else is scratching your back. It's like, I can't enjoy this because I'm doing this. I agree with that actually fully.

Like, it's not as enjoyable because you're... I think it's really hot, honestly. But also, like, I'm not the type... Like, I don't like 69ing. Like, I feel like when a guy and a girl 69, it's different because it's like...

You can like eat a pussy and like suck a dick at the same time. Obviously, like what you said, like not as enjoyable or whatever because you're like so focused on other things. But like just like the placement of your genitals works differently. With you guys is better. It's like Legos almost like they just fit. But like what are you like? Well, height comes into play. As we know, I'm five fucking six. Yeah. You're like sucking kneecap. But like also it's just like, what are you going to do? Just like like lay like two fucking wood plank.

on top of each other. What do you have to do? Yeah, like, no. I like when you're like laying side by side. Oh, that makes sense. I didn't think it was that for us. It's almost like that emoji. That's like also the... Zodiac sign. Yeah, the zodiac sign. Cancer, I think. Okay. Well, you enjoyed yourself. Yeah. I was...

Tall. Yeah. I just don't know if he's gonna like watch this or if there's any way that he would- Well, actually, we don't even follow each other on social media. I can't even show you a picture of what he looks like because we don't follow each other on Instagram. Like, he's private. I love his googly. Yes! And then-

I've been going on dates. Yeah, you've been. This is fun to talk about with you guys because you guys are like taken. Dating in the gay world is so hard, especially in Los Angeles because, well, one, I feel like hooking up with people in Los Angeles, I don't really like doing.

Just because I feel like everyone hooks up with everyone. - Very, very cesspool. Like every gay I know hooks up with like the same. - Yeah. - I don't know, like 20 people. - Well it's just like a smaller pool. So it feels like, just like with me in college, like everyone kind of feels like they hook up with each other. - Yeah, they all thwomp around WeHo. So it's like, everyone knows who's hooking up with everyone. And then like, there's just like drama and stuff.

I don't partake in that. I'll go to WeHo here and there, but like, it's not my favorite place to go. It's like one of those things. It's like, it's always a promised good time in the sense that like, if you're going to buy alcohol, like you're going to get roofied. You're well,

You you can get roofie, but yeah But it's like if you're gonna spend $20 on a drink then you're probably gonna get your $20 worth because they're probably putting like three shots in your drink, you know and sometimes some GHB and Yeah, there's just like lots of drama and stuff. Everyone knows that each other and like everyone's business and stuff so just like gross and Also, I feel like there's a lot of like clout driven

down there that like you really never know what anyone's intentions are and stuff so it's like i don't know nice to go down there because it's always a promise for a canceled podcast ticket probably they probably just want to come over and look at like your fucking shoes i'm like you know what if you're hot enough you can you need a nice guy who like doesn't know yes exactly so i mean i've been hinging

And that's a fun time. You recently found a guy in finance on Hinge. Oh my god. What is that noise? And if no one hears it, I'm going to crash the phone. We hear it. Thank you for being honest with me. No, but you had the tools to be like, no one else hears it. Well, this place is haunted. As fuck. I just saw a random girl in the bathroom and I was like, do you work here? Do you think it's haunted? And she was like, no. She's like, I'm not even here, bitch. Right.

Stop talking to yourself, huh? Yeah, so my ideal, I mean, I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship because I am a firm believer that if you're looking for a relationship, you're not going to find the best one. I am looking for someone to have a great time with and see where that leads. I'm not trying to make anyone my boyfriend unless they want me bad. You say you're looking for a boyfriend. Well, I would love one!

If manifestation is real, you need to put it out in the universe. You are looking for a husband. It's like Kim Kardashian. I want someone to sleepovers with. Did you guys see how Kim Kardashian literally was building a man's closet in her house for a man that doesn't exist yet? I was like, that's kind. That's what we need to be doing out in the world. We need to be saying like, oh. Maybe that's why you've been collecting men's clothing for all these years. Yeah.

When people try and clown your closet, you're like, I was manifesting, bitch. Where's your man? Right. That's so true. That's so true. Oh my God. I used to live for that. Like robbing the guys I would hook up with back in the day and then coming to you and being like, look at these stamp socks. No, seriously. And I'd be like, oh hell yeah. We hit the gold mine. Yeah. Can't wait to wear. So bad way. I got to hit a really crazy neck crack. It's, it's, this might ruin the tour. My scoliosis. Should we bring a chiropractor?

I've been referencing that a lot when Justin Timberlake got pulled over with his DUI and that's what he said. This is going to ruin the tour. He said that to the police officer on the body cam. This is going to ruin the world tour. You got a DUI, babe. This is going to ruin the world tour. Wait, that should be our bit. Yeah. That's going to be my dibs on the Instagram caption.

You know what's funny is... Wait, what'd you say? Sorry, I'm just trying to start beef. You can technically call this a world tour.

It is? What do you mean? Like it's international. Like he's been calling it the international tour, but it's like, no, this is a world tour, babe. And then when you come and we take a photo, you can be like, was that a world tour? Your girl or my girl's tour? Writing it down now. Yeah. Now. And in any, if any of you fucking viewers try and steal that Instagram caption, it's on site. Threatening. I'll be looking. Spring.

Thank you.

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I just have this random memory. We've been doing this for so long that we're like, we don't stack episodes normally because we really like lose gas. And I was like, Amari will be perfect to like help us get through this. The timing was perfect too because I was at dinner and I was supposed to go to Ashley's hair appointment but like I was so...

starving i've been on go all day like i was so exhausted i got my lymphatic body sculpting but i've been like packing i was packing had to leave go get my lymphatic and then came home packed more i'm still not done packing and then like just starving supposed to go to ashley with her to her hair appointment so we ate first and then like get the text from anna lee like can you be here like soon so i'm like oh my god my food's coming scarf my food down as fast as possible didn't have time to hang

Gasta over here. Sorry, Ashley. We stole you. It's like I want to talk about current drama, but that's stupid. Oh, I also canceled my plans with the boy to be here. Canceled to be uncanceled. Oh, my God. It'll be good down the line because then he's going to think you're on it. You have so much, so many options. But I don't want. Okay. Part of my problem, too. Like, let me know what you guys think of this.

I'm a very like honest person. Like I feel like we have like

fairly flexible schedules like as long like i mean obviously like you're so booked and busy and stuff but like because you scheduled it that way you know at the end of the day like i mean i'm not as booked and busy as you guys are but i think i have a flexible schedule and i feel like am i too available because i'm always like some people like they like i want someone that like works like a normal job with like structure and stuff like that because that's what i'm like i'm

trying to implement into my life is a lot more structure and stuff just like on my own I do feel like sometimes I'm like oh like they're like oh like when works for you and I'm like whenever no I don't think you're like I don't think there's such a thing as being too available I don't believe in like oh my god you should seem like you're you know I don't like that and um Isabella was telling me she's like you don't want to seem too available and I was like well bitch I am well yeah no I don't I don't think I subscribe to that idea obviously like you want to

Just make it clear that you're doing things. Yeah, I have a life. It's not like I'm just sitting... I have a life. I'm not just sitting there rotting all day doing nothing, but I'm like, yeah, I can shut my laptop or like I can like... Yeah, I don't know. You have a flexible lifestyle. Therefore, like if someone wants to do a date, you could...

8pm any day. Yeah. You know? Make it happen. 9 to 5 this. Like if I were in like a position with like a 9 to 5 job I would like ideally want somebody who does have the freedom or I guess somebody in the same position so you have like the same kind of hours. I think we both lucked out a little bit in like the we both got

Like both of our boyfriends just like can do whatever the fuck do whatever. No, I think that if you have to fake being less available to like make someone think that you're coveted to like like you that you don't even want that person anyways. Yeah. And anytime I would find myself like doing that like, oh, I have a meeting and then it's like,

How was the meeting? Insane. Yeah. Like, I just had no meaning. Big things coming. You almost then end up having to, like, carry on that lie. And then when you start dating and they see that, like... You know what I mean? Just like... You never want to try to seem anyway. That's what I learned. Like, I always wanted to seem like this and seem like I rode horses or something. That's just where you should draw the line. Then you got to upkeep it. What was, like, one that you...

look back on and you're like wow like I was really doing this I'm trying to like remember I mean there's been so many but like when like first of all I hate sports when I mean like literally taught myself like front to back like the entire fuck it just everything there is to know about the Pittsburgh Steelers laughing

She's showing up to brunch with like black and yellow fucking. No, I did. I literally spent my Christmas money on Victoria's Secret Pittsburgh Steelers merch. And I pretended I just like, like came up on it. No, I was in like middle school. Okay. No, but that's so fucking funny too. Cause you'd probably low key be sad about that. Like there were probably some yoga pants you like did really want.

And like you had to buy the Steelers collection. No, I wore it like a fucking badge phone or I was literally like I am. But the problem is like I it's not like, oh, I'm trying to seem this way. It was like, oh, I'm in love with him. So I am in love with the Steelers. I became the Steelers like I it overcomes me. And so I mean,

You do become who you're dating to an extent. You like playing flag football? No. Yes. This is the first time I've ever been in a relationship where I like actually like someone just met me where I am and I'm not having to like go out and like outsource personalities. Yeah. So living for that but like this is my first time trying it. Yeah.

But now you'll never go back. No, ever. And like, God, I just, you know, so entertained by myself these days. Yeah. Cause you're living your truth. I'm like the party was always over here. Yeah.

Right, like not like boating. Yeah, like I did not need to be in the harbor. Your boating era was so funny though. Like, cause it's like, we would like need her. Like we'd all be doing something and then she was just always at the marina. I loved checking your location and it was just like in a body of water. I was like, damn.

Yeah, and then I'd leave and then some other bitches on the boat the next day. No, you guys were giving Below Deck shifts. There could have been a show. Have you seen Below Deck? No, but I've seen Traitors, which means I have to see Below Deck because I'm one of the very important characters, Katie. Oh, it's from Below Deck?

It's from Below Deck. Oh, wow. I love Below Deck. I don't remember her, but Below Deck is such a good show. You should check it out. I've seen a little bit of Below Deck. That's one of the ones that's on cable rotation because when we go on tour, a lot of the hotels don't have casting. Oh, they play Below Deck? Yeah, you really learn to love the shows that are on cable. That's a good show to be stuck with.

No, I always get excited when there's like a Real Housewives or a Below Deck or a Kardashians versus just ridiculous. I've seen every single fucking episode of ridiculousness because of... I've seen every episode except for the one I was on. Did it ever come out? It came out. We should react to that for the Patreon. That'd be so fun. I would be so... I haven't watched it on purpose. That's intentional. But it's just like... I just blocked it out because I was so nervous. It's like, what the fuck? It's really... It's...

so much harder than it looks like because I did that too like shot the pilot for a show that never came out but it was a ridiculousness spinoff and when I was sitting up there I was like I became the unfunniest person to ever walk because it's like ever we're able to be funny and witty due to like the nature of the conversations that we're having like when I'm watching a video of a guy like

peeing off a balcony like like that's why Chanel West Coast is perfect because she can always just pull out that laugh like yeah you know what I mean it's like this this felt like so like cool pee because yeah like yes I was shooting an episode but I was I was auditioning so like they they had like a few of us testing for Chanel West Coast spot oh yeah so like as nerve-wracking as it already is imagine thinking like oh like

I'm auditioning for this role. And like that, she has the laugh. So like, I thought like, Oh my God, like what am I going to, I don't want to like try to just be bubbly and stuff. Cause like, that's just not my personality. I just want to be a hater, but, but I'm thinking, and they told me beforehand way too much information. They told me I was going to like, if I got the part or if I got like, whatever, it's 22 days. I think they said it was 22 days of the whole year that they film and

And it was $2.5 million that I was going to make for only 22 days of shooting it. That's actually insane. I don't know if I should even say that. So then you're up there and you're like, ha ha ha ha ha! I don't know if I should say that. I'd be like, tell me what to do then. It made me so nervous that I have no idea what I was saying. And obviously I didn't get the role. But that also could have been cancellation impacted. Like it's not your performance, right? No, it was before then, but I probably would have lost it. They could have had me in the splits. Yeah.

Yeah, and also I was influenced by... Steele O'Brien is so hot. So I was literally sitting next to him. It was weird, too, because he's asking me questions about me. And I'm like, why are we talking? This is embarrassing. He's like, how was your tour? What does he do? I always confuse him with Steele O'Green. What? That's just racist. Steele driving around town with a girl. My next thing is singing on podcasts. Trisha's...

robbing off on me. D'Lo Brim is, he's the DJ, or not the DJ, but he's the one who, he's on Ridiculousness. He's, he is the guy and he's super hot. And I've seen every single episode. I'm so stupid. Yeah. Like what? Where did you get all these snacks from? Like, where did you, is there like a corner store around here? Did you hit the bodega? Mm-hmm. You get your orange drink? Mm-hmm.

Oh, J-Lo. That's J-Lo. The block is J-Lo's Benz and Boone backflip. Uh-huh. I don't understand like his... What's your bleach and tone? Mine? Yeah. Yours is Chris Miles' fuck. Fuck. You know what's funny is that got taken down. Like I posted to TikTok like when TikTok was like gonna get banned or whatever.

And I was just like going back and posting like a bunch of just like viral drafts and stuff. And I was like, this isn't a draft, but this is fucking hilarious. Let me post it. And it like still cracked like millions of views. And then like I went to go look at it the other day because I was going to show someone. And it was like taken down for community guidelines, like hateful speech or something like that. Yeah, it was. I was like, damn. TikTok will not let it slide. Unless, of course, it's my comment section, in which case anything slides.

all of a sudden your videos are promoted like without you doing anything oh my god but i was like damn they took it down and i remember like back in the day too on tiktok when it first started i would post tiktok sometimes like in this t-shirt that had lil wayne on it and he was smoking and every time i would post in that t-shirt my tiktoks would get taken down for community guidelines and i was like i was so confused for the longest time because i was like i'm not doing anything bad in these videos i'm really i'm just

I want to get ready with me is taken down for community guidelines. Like, it's just like, it's just my face. And your white tank top and your nipples out. I like had a coming to the other day because this really is my uniform, like a Hanes white tank. No bra. It's kind of slutty. Like over the years, I was like, wow, that's like really. I was talking about, um,

on not love line the other day about the first time I ever realized I was a slut was because I asked Amari I was just like do you think I'm a slut and I was like probably like 17 18 or something and I was like heavily expecting him to say no like it's my best friend he knows all the things I do whatever and Amari just turned to me and he was like yeah

You're a slut. Well, you need to keep people in your life. I didn't say, yeah, you're a slut. I was just like, she literally asked, she's like, do you think I'm a slut? And I was like, yeah. I don't care. Duh, I don't care. We have the best time ever. I don't give a fuck that you're a slut. And that's the thing too. She's like, he knows everything I do. Like, I know everything you do. You know, we were talking about today that we thought was so funny. So there's a Funko Pop museum on Hollywood Boulevard right now. And you know what Funko Pop is? Yeah.

So they have a Funko Pop of everybody you can possibly imagine. Like if you can think of them and they are any sort of figure, it doesn't matter if they're like a housewife, they're on below deck, like they have a Funko Pop. What? So we're, me and Tana were talking about it today and we were like, how many Funko Pops do you think you've had sex with?

I should try to find out. That's really funny. Like how many people on your body count are in, are like come in Funko Pop? Should we go to the Funko Pop museum? Yeah. It was the best time I've ever had. Oh, you went? Oh yeah. It's like, I walked there. How do I even like, how do I even get to the bottom of that? Wait, let me look up. Does blank have a Funko Pop? Who? Of course he does. Don't be ridiculous.

He probably has 11. Oh, he doesn't have a Funko Pop. Damn, fell off. He must have done something to them because they have like, they literally, T-Pain himself has seven of them. No way. I had to buy one because I'm obsessed with T-Pain. Just know this, if I die and T-Pain is not at my funeral, you guys have failed me. Look.

Oh my God. That literally looks like my father. He's in my house. I have Sasha. Sasha Baron Cohen? No, Sasha. Like Supergirl Sasha. I bought hers because she's my only friend who's in Funko Pop. They should have a Tana Mongeau Funko Pop. I'm sad that we don't have Funko Pops. Tana Mongeau Pickles being the top search is everything.

nope oh no funko pop just look at that fucking png photo of me the fashion photo kills the fuck and i know i know that look too wait 590 that photo is saying i hate people i love them without even saying it like i just look drunk it's celebrity cutouts wait is it a physical thing you can buy what a fucked up image to use i love that image

You do just have perfect skin. What a shame that you can't even get paid for that. People are buying that probably. Erin wants to buy eight apparently. It's so funny looking back at how swollen my face would be from drinking. I met Pamela Anderson this day and I remember thinking, God, I look just like her. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Put the bottle down. Hey, baby. You know what's the best part about looking back on awful photos of yourself? I don't know if you feel the same way, but I look back on the worst, most despicable photos of myself, and I'm never like... The thought is always like, I thought I looked amazing. It's never like, oh, I knew I was ugly. It's always like, I thought I was literally the most beautiful person to ever grace this earth. No, I went somewhere with Josie that night, and I was like, we are equal. Yeah.

I ate her up. Mind you, she's in like no makeup. Mogging. It's just brutal. Like me and my duff. It's so funny to start calling her photos. You're like, can I get a solo? No, it's like, can I get a solo? I want to see her next door. She's so beautiful. I'm starving.

I know you made me miss beef bulgogi night. I know. What's beef bulgogi night? Everyone's time. 100 miles, like create a menu and like... That's cute. See, that's why I want a fucking boyfriend. Like I want some... I'm so jealous of you bitches in the sense that you guys get to like have sleepovers. Like...

every night like if not every night most nights and stuff because like I've definitely learned to like be fine with being by myself and I feel like that was a part of like being single for a while I was like okay I need to learn to like sleep alone I feel like even like when you and I would just have sleepovers like after I was like single I was like this isn't necessarily the healthiest thing like I need to learn how to sleep by myself and then I would beg like oh no and I was like well done I want to sleep alone and it's like no Mart you need to sleep fucking alone like yeah and so like I've finally been doing that and now I'm just like laying there like watching shit at night and I'm like

like i love watching tv shows and i love watching movies and especially because now i'm like a lot more calm than i used to be but i'm just like damn i wish i had someone to like do this with but it also is like you love like how like you're not annoyed but you're like oh i wish miko would also watch good american family you know like because you want to talk about it with them and stuff and like get his take on things and i'm like oh i wish i had someone to like watch a show with and we could just fall asleep and then like

you know it is great but like at the same time you miss like i miss just being able to sit there and jack off for an hour well i don't and then like talk to myself and like you know mari doesn't jack off it's crazy like i've always just like had this mentality that's like if i want it that bad and it's like you need to go find someone to do it no put yourself out there pussy i i think i got i guess i get that but i also like it's just no one does it quite like you you know

I also like being pleased by someone else, I guess. Yeah. I get that. I have jacked off before. I have been a special for boys, but girls, it's like no one else can do it. I'll never forget the very first time that I jacked off and came. I was like,

I didn't even know that like, well, I knew that my dick could get hard, but I didn't know that like cum could come out of my dick. Should this be on the Patreon? Oh my God. I can't imagine how shocking that must have been. Oh, I was like so confused, but also like fascinated. And I was like, why did that feel so good? I remember my parents were like, they went out to dinner late one night. And I was like, I would love to like shower in my parents' shower. Oh my God. They're going to hear this. And I would love to shower in their shower. Like whenever I had the opportunity, because they just always, it's the master. It has the best shower.

And, yeah, I don't know. I just, like, obviously going through puberty, I just, like, randomly started getting hard or whatever. And then I literally, like, jacked off and came and I was just, like, I just did that. That is the coolest thing ever. In my coolest thing ever. Oh, my God. And in my parents' shower. Spider-Man. In my parents' shower. That is crazy. Oh, my God. That's amazing. Never had a wet dream, though. I remember the first time I was, like. You always have them. Yeah, you know what? Well, the first time you winked it. Yeah, like, really, like, successfully where I was, like, oh.

And I was old. How old? Think like graduated college. Was there a toy involved or were you just like... Yeah. Okay. Was it your first time using a toy? I had been like... Yeah. Well, no...

I can't remember. But I think I just wasn't using them hard enough. I love hard enough. Put it in sport! It was. There was something to it. I think I just really need to stick with it, you know? Get the hang of it. You're like talking to the wall. I'm so close. Seriously. No, that's actually me. I have now shared too much.

When we were just talking about Jeff the other day, now he hasn't jacked off to himself in the mirror. Well, I just always tell Jeff that he's still the type of guy where I know he's coming to the thought of himself. I would.

Yeah, I guess that's true. And like he loves American Psycho so much that I'm like, I know you've like had sex to this. Like just one of those guys. Where are you guys most excited to go on tour internationally? Australia. Where'd you say Paris? Just because I want to fucking... Have you been there before? No, I've never been to Europe. Paris is awesome. I know. I'm so excited and I'm just happy that Bebe's coming and my boyfriend's coming. So I'm just going to have like...

You need to make sure that you guys go back to that restaurant that Paige took us to. Oh, my God. There's this restaurant in Paris. It's one of the best meals I've ever had. Isn't it called like oligat? Yeah. Is that right? I think that was like the style of like the potatoes maybe. But they make this and you'll love it because it's so meat centered. Yeah. It's like a beef or like a steak. It's surrounded in cabbage. Is it beef or is it steak? Probably both. Maybe steak actually. I don't know. Mine was beef.

Oh, yeah. But they make you these potatoes that are almost the texture of like pasta. Like when you pick them up, they're like and they're so cheesy. Oh, my God. I'm going to fucking. I'm going to find it for you literally right now because I can find it really fast. It was just showing someone this the other day because one of my friends was in Paris and I was like, you need to go to this place. It's actually fucking nuts.

And there's this place that everybody goes where you drink the red wine out of baby bottles. But I can never get a reservation. And I think it's always because I show up too hammered. Watch this. Like that time you walked in with your nipples out.

Oh my god, something about like the way they smack. Uh-huh. And that thing right there, it's like cabbage and inside is just all meat. Yeah, it was insane. I feel like you're into like vintage designer stuff. Like there's a lot of cool like vintage designer shopping out there and stuff. Even like I'm not much of a designer person, but I was like this stuff is so cool. Me too. I was shopping for someone else, but I was like damn, I wish I wasn't shopping for someone else because I'd be shopping for me. Yeah, I've always been like a...

I hate designer. I don't believe in designer. And just lately I've been like, well, but like it's like things that I'm like, oh my God, like this is so it's an investment. I love that purse that you recently got.

I love it too but I already put shampoo all over it by accident oh my god $5,000 right the YSL yeah well big body I was talking about Trisha went on this whole tangent to me about how she needs to buy this bag but she's not gonna and then I get home and she texts me a photo and she goes I bought the bag in my sleep like I just found it in the house and I was like dying um literally how iconic no it wasn't $5,000 before have you guys been seeing you know the how do I say her last name I always say Katsuya Ari Katsuya uh

I love that you say Ketsuya, but I don't know exactly how to pronounce her last name, but I think it's something like that. Like Kitsa? I'm obsessed with her. I'm obsessed with the way her face moves. She's beautiful. I love her voice. She is everything. Yeah, and her skits are hilarious. Yeah, she's so funny and so multifaceted, and I'm obsessed. But have you been keeping up with her lore online right now? Her and Jakardi broke up. So that's what gags me, is the whole internet doesn't know this guy.

But like I found out about her because I'd known Jakardi for a really long time. And it's actually funny because like, well, I don't know. Pull up to the trap. Yeah.

Yeah, he was always just around, like would straggle into like anything we're ever doing. And one of our good friends was like in love with him, one of our guy friends. And he's not gay. So it was just like this ongoing thing forever. And he started dating her. And that's how I found out about her. Because someone was like, Jakardi's dating this girl and he's like managing her, yada, yada. And they're making so much money. And I was like, okay. He was managing her?

Running her stuff, I think. Yeah. What? Never ends well. I will just say for all girls, like do not let your boyfriend run your, keep your business and your man separate no matter how much. Don't you and Michael Yurko do that? They do do that and they got married and whatever. But even marriage, like I love Makoa so much, but I would never put him in the position to,

I would start a company with him, right? Or I would do something like that. But to run everything I've built for myself because it's just scary. Like it's, you know what I mean? No matter how much you love this person, like you always have to, especially just because I like even just growing up with my parents, I would see like financial abuse and control and just, you know, it's shitty. And it's like, I don't know, as a woman, you have to protect yourself no matter what. But anyways, they were dating and he cheated on her.

And she was like telling me the... Old of you, Ja'Cardi. And it's just so funny because we know him and it's like...

I knew him. I know him, but I'm like, I'm team her, whatever. No, same. I know him well enough to where I'm like, damn, that is like, how could you even do that? She was giving me the details too. And it was like some diabolical shit. Like, I don't want to air out her tea. Cause like, you know, but like some diabolical shit. And now she is like marketing genius. I love when a guy cheats on a girl and it puts her in like a,

in her bag rage like it's just i just saw her with girth master yeah that's what i'm saying like when you cheat on a girl and she says okay bet i'm gonna go work with girth master like you know jacardi's not getting girth master his dick is huge i've never seen it it's on twitter well he's girth master on twitter oh oh my god i'm

Wow. Seven inch girth? Yeah. Seven inch circumference? Yeah. God damn. Sick sick show off with a ludicrously capacious cock.

Like capacity. Oh, capacious. Like that's crazy. Yeah. But I'm just like so happy for her because it's like how iconic and you know she's making a trillion dollars off of that collab and it's just like her marketing skills are everything. She said, I'll get on a plane and fly 27 hours right now. Yeah, and she was collabing with that girl that we like

Kayla Jade? Yes. Yeah, I love her. Love her content. I do not fuck with girth master anything. Get that away from me. I would like actually like die. I don't care how wide. Seven inches around is crazy. Oh, I couldn't even think about that because also like, I mean, I'm going to assume that it's easier to take a dick in your vagina than it is your asshole. Yeah, definitely. My shit would be bleeding.

No, that's like hospital territory. Yeah. Girth master. Whoa. I wish I had a cool name like that, though. Yeah, you could be like... Gusset goddess. Gusset goddess. But yeah, what's gusset? Damn, I want it. Gusset. Long story. Dicks like that are fun to suck, but not... No, talk about lockjaw.

yeah i have a little mouth so hot look at it in the book holy shit oh my god it like doesn't even look like a dick it looks like something you'd buy at home depot to like help you like install a windowsill idea when you like realize that like the tip just looks so like minuscule on it you know i don't even think you could make a bigger tip

Oh my God. That's actually insane. The lighter sitting on it is so funny. Oh my God. That shit's allowed on Reddit. That's so funny. If I was him, I would like dress it up. I would like get little outfits for my dick. He probably has. I remember I saw like... I go to Petco and get like little sweaters. Yeah. I saw something on his Twitter where he like put it like a pizza box. Oh my God. I get it completely. Oh my God. That's wild. You have to wonder like what it's like to be grown or like or to be born with like an appendage like that or like...

Just anything. At what age do you think he was like, I'm girthier than the rest? Did he play sports? Did someone else tell him? What'd you say, Aaron? That's gotta suck. How old were you, Aaron? Huh? I don't want to know about Aaron's dick size. He said God kind of sucks. You ruined everything.

I can't change even if I tried even if I wanted to my love my love my love we kind of hit that you know Trisha has I'm going to her show in Vegas this weekend and she was like I want you to sing on stage with me she's making me rap Hefner oh my

Like I'm doing it for the first time in so long and I'm so, I'm going to have to be so medicated and we'll do a little Viva Las Vegas. But like, where's Hefner? It's at the Chelsea at the Cosmo, which we did. And I'm so excited to go back. I obviously, every time we, best green room ever. Every time we ever do a show at like a massive esteemed venue in my head,

As we leave, I take one good look around because in my head, I'm like, I will never be asked back. You don't think so? Yeah, I guess I'm being a little facetious, but you know what I mean? It's just such an honor. Yeah, you just don't want to... And you never want to get in the mindset of like, yeah, I'm going to come play this venue 100,000 times. It is so special. Up next, O2 Arena. Yeah, exactly. Chelsea was so crazy too because obviously it's like an...

casino and stuff so like they pick you up with security and escort you through all like the secret hallways and like private elevators and like take you down like you're fucking barack himself yeah and at one point i was banned from the cosmopolitan hotel so i think it felt extra special to have gone so far the other way i'm waiting for my my resurgence at the win um it'll probably never happen but we're doing that what else are we doing page is coming with me

We're going to see Donny Osmond. Oh, Paige is going to go. Oh, that's so exciting. I know. And Donny and Marie, that's why my middle name is Marie. After Marie Osmond. Oh, my grandma loved Donny and Marie. Yeah. So I'm excited for that. A little Holly Madison. That is excellent.

How funny is it that I have the opportunity to wrap Hefner on stage with Holly Madison there? It's so iconic. To me, it's the fact that Holly Madison literally bought tickets to our Vegas show, didn't even tell us, showed up, watched it, and left. Yeah, like, didn't come greet. Like, literally, we found out on her story that, like, she attended. It, like, blows my mind because, like, I'm a super fan. Yeah, I would have, like, carried her in myself, like, truly. It's so funny.

That show was crazy. Doing venue stages like that, I don't know how to explain it, when the stage is so big like that and it feels almost like... It was massive. When the stage is so big and we just sit in our chairs, it's like, you know? That was such a fun show. It was a fun show. And seeing somebody like Vegas' biggest audience too, I was just like, holy shit. It felt so... Obviously, it's your hometown show, and so it's an important show to me, but it's not as important as it is to her. So I felt like I was like...

really excited by it but not nervous by it because it's like these aren't my friends or like my people so I like I just really wanted to be on that show weirdly in Arizona I was so nervous to do it around your family and that venue was crazy because we were that was the only time I think we've ever done a show that's on a circle stage oh yeah and it's doing a show on a circle stage is so strange because it's like there are people like literally behind my back and it feels like you're in the crowd polar opposite of Vegas because it's like

a small stage in the middle of the crowd. Then we had some guy trying to like heckle and be nuts and get kicked out. And I was like all paranoid. Literally like, you know, when something happens to you when you're a kid and it's traumatizing and it stays with you for the rest of your life. I had a dance competition one time, but the only dance competition, my mom will kill me for ever saying this, but one time she came to watch me perform. She, and it was like, it takes, you know, it takes forever. Sometimes there's like a million things for you. Um,

her drug dealer picked her up and she left and she missed my dance. And I came off stage and like realized that I was so devastated. Like I, I literally like it was, I was unwell for like months. Yeah. And during the show, I watched my dad walk up and leave and never come back. I was like, Oh my God. And that's so sad. It's arguably, it's like, just don't come. Yeah. No, seriously. And like, I, I have such a thing about that. Like people,

people coming and like watching me I don't know why because it's like seriously like no one ever came to my anything so I got so mad at him about that and he's literally like I saw the whole thing I didn't leave until after and he like gave an example and it was like that was literally in the first 10 minutes of the show no that really is and I like knew where they were you know what I mean yeah the whole time I'm thinking like oh you're looking for them like anyway that was honestly like kind of dark

No, I just... I'd be pissed. I was so upset. You can't even get up to pee. There's a company who's known for their wide gusset jonies. Okay. Apparently, they're the company. What is gusset still? And they're interested in doing a collab with me. No way. Yeah.

Wait, you have to. Fuck your pickles. I got gusset. Yes. Why gusset chonies? So gusset's pussy. No, no. It's like a piece of fabric in it. It's like the piece of your pants that's like meant for your crotch. A gusset. Why do you know that? It's like aglet. Well, I didn't know it. In fact, I used it in the wrong context approximately 30 times before I learned. Yeah. How were you using it before? Like gullet?

No, like, we thought wide gusset was the under, like, was the pussy. I thought it was for, chonies form my wide gusset, but apparently it's my, you know what I'm saying. Your Pikachu needs wide gusset. Yeah, you know, that's why I stopped, just because I didn't know how I was gonna, what it was gonna be. Yeah, I was watching you go...

Okay, I swear to God I'm literally like Teresa Caputo because it's like I walked out there to use the restroom and I was like skipping down the hall. I felt amazing. And then the second I walk back in here, it's like I'm like sweating and I feel like... I know. Well, it is really hot in here and we have been shooting for seven hours straight. And I guess maybe that is just it, but I swear it's like I'm an energy reader and I know something. Is that who Teresa Caputo is? Yeah, she's a medium. Is she like Long Island medium? She is.

Oh, really? Yeah. I like that. I just feel like I'm like, wow. Should we give it up? And what have I gotten all over these pants? You have it all over your jacket too. Did you paint something? Oh, I did paint in the app set. I can't wait to have one. I know. I'm so excited. It's my favorite sweat set in the world. Are there other colors?

No, but we're thinking about it. A brown would hit. A brown would hit. We should just make them in every color. A brown would hit, but we did already release a sweat set in the dead of summer. So maybe we do a summer color. Remember like your dizzy dark green? Yeah, I love that. Remember, I remember when you guys all did the the like tie dye blue. Oh, the tennis court.

- Oh, that was like, - I was jealous, 'cause I was like kind of just getting into the group and Lila got an invite and I didn't. - That was such a funny day. - It was the worst day ever 'cause me and Jordan were like fighting so bad. - Are you coming to pickle activities tomorrow? - I only barely got invited. - Barely is crazy. - Oh! - I literally made a, it's so funny too because I made a group chat because I know you, like I've given you, if I give-- - Only because I only said that because there was a pickle activity already that I never heard about. - That is true.

That is true. Clocked your tea. I just, I just, I'm bad at thinking sometimes. It just like happens through word of mouth. Does Miles like pickles? I think so. He likes everything. Do you guys like a lot of the same foods? He's such an amazing cook and he cooks every single day, every single meal. So things that I didn't know I liked, I like now because he makes them perfectly. What was the hardest thing like that you had to adapt to in your guys' relationships? It's like a way that he operates versus the way that you operate.

And honestly, I'm going to ask you the same thing. Nothing. And that's, well. He was just so easy. No, like actually, we kind of talked about this in the beginning, but when we first started dating, I was worried that like, I was like, oh, it's just too easy. And like something's like feels off about that. But like. About to self-sabotage. He's so agreeable and like he just doesn't want to fight. And he's so like unproblematic. Like he just won't. How old is he? 37. Oh, what? So he like. What the fuck?

He looks way younger. If I'm like, oh, this bothered me, he'd be like, okay, I'll never do it again. That's a man. He's not like a pushover. He's like...

Like, he stands his ground, but, like, we just would never argue. I don't know. He's simple and he listens. And he takes, like, he's just such a, like, he's very gentle. Mm-hmm. And, like, his parents are older and he kind of just, like, operates. He reminds me of my grandpa. Oh, that's really sweet. And you love your grandpa? So much. And, like, the way he is to my grandma. And, like, you know how, obviously, my grandma, like, has to mention stuff and he, like, really takes care of her. Like, my mindset in this relationship is, like, he would so do that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's awesome. That's actually so cute. Like, I know he would. Yeah, that's amazing. Aww. What about you? What was, like, the hardest thing? I don't know if I've ever, like, respected someone the way I respect Makoa. Oh, okay. Yeah. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, I just... Because I would go for these people, obviously, that, like... I don't know. It was hard through sometimes their actions to possess... Like, Makoa's such a respectable human. Yeah. Not that I've never... Like, I've obviously just fucked things up with good people, too, but, like...

I don't know, like just things that I would normally immediately do or post or say or whatever while dating someone, I now like won't. You know what I mean? And I just very much like really became like so wifey and so devoted to this person. Like even just the other day, Jeff was saying like, you're not fun on the podcast anymore because you're taken. And I'm like, it's true. Cause like I would just say the fucking most out of pocket shit. And like now I can't. Because like their actions like,

kind of instilled that upon you and you're like, eh, whatever, they do this. Yeah, yes. Or just like I... I just don't respect them so it's like whatever. Yeah, or I didn't care deep down wanting something to last, I guess. So it's kind of like when you don't care if something lasts deep down, you kind of like that bleeds into lots of your actions and whatnot. Yeah, like back to taking to account someone else's feelings about things and stuff. Yeah, especially when someone doesn't always consider your feelings or just again, I was in eras of my life where it might have been a great person but I just wasn't.

ready for it or whatever but yeah i don't know yeah i think that's like the weirdest thing is like if you ask any person who's dated me before they'd be like she's the most psychotic awful like girlfriend ever but like kind of the same thing you're saying it's like i just would never ever want to be bad yeah yeah because it's it's one thing when someone scolds you for being bad and it's another thing when like

It's not even that. You're disappointed in yourself if you act that way to this person who's so undeserving. I think that's a lot of what it is with McCall where it's like he wouldn't even have to say anything. There have been times where I was a fucking raging bitch or I'm drinking and I'm being insane. And it's not even like he's cut that shit out. It's like the next day I'm like, why would I do that to this person that I love so much? You looked in the mirror. Yeah, quite literally. Saw the reflection. Yeah.

Well, thank you, Aaron. I'm sorry. Thank you. Big daddy on me. Don't sexualize him. He's the one that says, hey, sexy to me when I walk up to him. We don't have human resources. You guys are HR. Period. Yeah, he's gotten us into some serious trouble. Imagine like I was your guys' HR. You know what? It cracks me up. I got a DM today. Thank you. You want to know what's so funny? I got a DM today. I get so many random DMs like about your guys' stuff.

you guys message me like this is my podcast first of all like it's really fun didn't someone message you recently trying to sell you a ticket yes someone was yeah someone like they saw um i don't know if it was like a tiktok or a story or a tweet or something like that but they're like i saw your blah blah blah like um are you looking for a show to the tana mojo like melbourne concert

concert first of all and i was like that in itself was just hilarious so obviously i screenshotted it put it on my story and was like like oh my god i'd do anything for a ticket guys help me find one but i got a dm today and it's just like so funny to me because obviously like

I know people in their minds are like, maybe he can't help. Or like, duh, reach for the stars. And what is it? Reach for the stars. And if you miss, you land. Or reach for the moon, something like that. Reach for the moon. And if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Yeah, something like that. Whoa, I also got an idea about a foot fetish. That's weird. I think that's sneaky. And what did they say? Oh, okay. So I'm just a girl trying to get into Neon Carnival. Oh, okay.

They're asking to get you into Neon Carnival. Well, that also is really funny. But I also get people like someone was messaging me about like how they're trying to get tickets like to your show, all this stuff. And I'm like, so go to like canceledtour.com or whatever. Thecanceledpodcast.com. There we go. Thecanceledpodcast.com. Like, what do I look like? Ticketmaster? I get so many DMs that are like,

Tana, please, blah, blah, blah. It'll be like a novel. And then at the end, they'll just be like, can you send this to her? Yes, that too. Can you please tell them? I'm on it. What? Sometimes I have fun too and respond to them because there was this one person, your club appearance that you did in Miami. There was this guy that DMed me. It was like, I want to go so bad, blah, blah, blah. And I literally responded. And I go, go then. And then...

next day he didn't and you reposted his story i was like there's no fucking way but i literally was just like go then like because what the fuck well that one especially because it's like what does he literally want you to fly him out yes exactly he was a miami local but like still like what am i going to do that one was free to the public yeah i can't believe we're doing a pop-up tomorrow i just like

I'm like, I've never done a... I honestly just ran into Sydney Sweeney at her pop-up. I ran into Sydney Sweeney at her pop-up. The Laneige one? I didn't go there. She was there and I passed by. Oh, and you were at the Grove and then just passed. I just want to know pop-up etiquette. What am I supposed to do? I feel like normally this is also like pop-ups are always for lattes and makeup products. 2018, you'd be like, what's up, motherfucker?

Who wants a fucking pickle? You're right. I should just channel that. You all look so fucking sexy. You want to know something? You want to know some tea? Me and Tana, I think, have both been in talks with La La Land to do like a drink. Ooh. Separately, which hers is probably going to come before mine. Let's be real. No, I ended up just deciding that I...

Because I was wanting to do the drink because I couldn't do the pickle. Like, it's not that like I do drink coffee every day, but it's not a part of my. I drink La La Land every day. Yeah. Not to be like. No, I can see you getting yours first because you be at the Grove.

Well, I just love La La Land. And it's more you. It's cutesy and it's clean and it's on brand. She's like, mud, water, mocha. I'm like a La La Land. I just love La La Land. I'm obsessed with the branding. I'm obsessed with anything that has cute packaging. Yeah, they do have really cute cups. Their little heart straws. Oh, yes. Bend me over. And so they just really got me with their packaging.

Like, just from the instant I saw them and literally have been ordering it, I ordered it every single day for, like, six months. I think they're sold on the pitch. I'm telling you why this was so exciting for me. So then they asked me to do a drink, and I was so excited. And I went and I had my meeting with them. And they take you, like, at the Third Street location. There's, like, a secret upstairs, like...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Type situation. They brought me in there and I got to try every drink on the menu. We were talking about like flavors and stuff. And I was like, I want to do a cherry because they had just done the banana cream. I like where you're going. You know, they took that from, they took it from Suede and gave it to Heidi and Spencer. Well, they were for good reason, but like, damn. Well, no, I don't know. It's like make a new flavor. Yeah, make a new flavor. I don't know anything about that, but.

I stand with Lala. So I'm like trying to think of how to make it creative because I'm like, well, they've already done. They already have a strawberry. They have banana cream that's new. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm going to do cherry. Amazing. Cherry. Sounds delicious. How cute is that? Like because it was going to be like a springtime release. So it's going to be with the matcha, like the red and the green. Yes. How cute is that? Yeah. What happened? Sydney Sweeney.

cherry drink at her pop-up oh like you pitched the idea yes oh fuck and like i live and die for her but like by the time they get to me we're gonna be at like dingleberry fucking green top you're like outsourcing fruit from the international tour like i brought home a durian there's not gonna be nothing that is brutal

- It's brutal. - And I'm sure she had nothing to do with it, but I'm like, but finding a good idea and being like, she's, you know what, you know what would be better for this? - Yeah, no, that's why it's brutal. It has nothing to do with Sydney Sweeney. Even Swaids, like, I remember that happening, like, 'cause we were just talking about it within the friend group,

like whatever suede had her banana drink and then they gave it to heidi and spencer and i just remember being like that is shitty like suede's out there fucking making the drink in the shenanigans and then like heidi and spencer come along like it is probably just like everyone can have a new flavor like it doesn't so when you see brooke with a panelo pomelo cream cold foam drink at la la land cafe ask no questions because there were no more fruits

We're out. I'm going to have like a beef flavored. Beef cream top. You remember when that girl, Brooke Monk beat up her dog and then she accidentally uploaded an. That wasn't Brooke Monk. I didn't mean Brooke Monk. I was like, wait, that sweet little girl did not be her dog. I know you're talking about.

Good on you though We need him here more often It's like whoa whoa whoa Whoa whoa Brooke Monk No You know how often Like we do that Like first and last names And we'll both be like Yes

No, because if you pulled up Brooke Monk, like... We did that recently with something so funny and I just like... Oh, I think I know what you're talking about. And I was like, I watched it back and I was like, there's no... No, we'll actually be like, Amelia Gray flew that plane into the Bermuda Triangle. It was exactly like that. And she got eaten by crabs. Yeah. It was like, it was us on a guest episode. It was like with Jeffree Star and it was all three of us, like...

collectively said exactly the wrong name and we were like yep that was so funny so anyways the girl who did do that what's your worst fear

She uploaded the raw footage. That's like my biggest fear is like accidentally uploading like the unedited podcast. You know what's so crazy? Mine was my brand deals. Oh my God. Because I'll be cracking the funniest jokes and brand deals that obviously will never make the cut. And it's like... It's also funny when brands think that they can get raw footage for you. Like we want the raw footage. It's like, are you fucking crazy? Yeah. No, I snorted my snot 37 times. You're not getting that. Like we can make it look like the raw footage. Brands ask you for raw footage. I've been asked for raw footage before. And I'm just like, are you fucking crazy? No.

Brands don't even want my raw footage. That's truly never happened. They're like, you actually sent us too much.

much. Yeah. No later. I'll always do that. Especially when they want like UGC from it and stuff because they want to like edit it themselves and stuff. And it's like no no no no no no. One thing no one's ever going to want from me is UGC. What is that? User generated content. Like you're giving them content that you don't necessarily have to post. You're just giving like when I did that like Nike deal a long time ago like I had to give them stuff like their website. But it's like kind of it's the type of thing like a super aesthetic person would do because it's like the brand wants to use it, repurpose it as their own content. Oh my god. That's why I've

never been I have no idea what it's even called what do you want cheeto fingers on your crop top it pays so much and like so many of like the really like aesthetic girls do it because like you don't even have to post it on your own thing but like brands like will pay for like a really stylish like

like aesthetic girl to like take trendy photos of like the coffee and the yeah that makes sense that's why when i did damn i truly am finding out about this today and it tells you everything you need to know that's why when i did that shoot i hired hunter to shoot it because i was like they want ugc they're paying me a fucking bag yeah they'll have hunter do it because like cool on both ends you know but it genuinely like it seems like the hardest job in the world to me

Oh my God, I could never. I try like literally even this weekend in San Diego, I was trying to take one fucking aesthetic photo. I have permanent chicken grease on my fucking iPhone. Me too. Same lately. I don't know what's what's in the air. No, and it's like I bought this brand new iPhone. Please anybody let me know in the comments. Well, did anybody

else buy a brand new iPhone and then the camera everyone mind you everyone else is like this camera quality is crazy I'm throwing away my DSLR and I'm like I bought a 3GS no this is well I still have a I think I have like the 15 or something which like oh no you have an iPhone 15 but wait same I'm confused like switches between the cameras like I'll be like

a totally normal distance away from Murph, why can't I fucking see Murph? Yeah. And it's like, even if... It switches between cameras, like, it's never the right one. It's always doing its own thing. No, and it's brutal. Like, Makoa and I will be taking the same photo and we have the same phone and his is so gorgeous and I'm like, my camera's cleaned off. I can have other people try to fuck with the settings. Like, it just... Granted, I have like 200,000 items in my camera roll, so maybe it's like... No, I don't think that should have any impact on it at all. I keep buying new phones in hopes that I get this new mystical camera that everyone speaks of and I just...

keep getting toaster qual oh my god I saw this video do you know like I really struggle with like what the fuck is a camera and how does it work and how do we take photos and more importantly how the fuck do we take videos it doesn't make sense to me like that's what it seems like magic but this man so funny that you have these thoughts and you're like you don't even smoke weed no this is like a totally normal thought

this man finds cans in the wilderness like when he's just hiking a mountain cuts the top off he puts photo paper inside pokes a pin size hole in the thing and that like that pin hole is your camera and then he sets it down in front of like a beautiful landscape leaves it there for a few days with like a top on it and it

literally takes a photo like that pinhole like the light shining through that hole burns the image onto the photo paper and then you can develop it as a fully like processed beautiful like photo imagine he's just taking the photo on a camera and lying

And we could because I don't fucking know how it works. That's insane. That's some science. No, it's crazy. But it's really crazy how simple it is but also how I cannot wrap this fucking pea brain around it. No, because it's not simple. That makes no fucking sense that this piece of paper and this can can take a photograph. Or phones.

I can talk to I can talk to Michaela Testa down under and she can hear me in the exact moment that I am saying this in America. I couldn't agree more. FaceTime is even crazy if you think about

think about it no I remember when that Ashley Tisdale movie came out and they like were talking like FaceTiming but like it was before we had FaceTime we were like could you imagine if we could really do that yeah and now it's just like a thing because you were talking about photographs it got me thinking about Ed Sheeran because the song Photograph he got added to the weekend 2 lineup yeah that's what I heard I'm livid okay are you guys Weezer fans Island in the Sun who

Okay. One weekend got Weezer and one weekend got Ed Sheeran. And maybe I'm just such an Ed Sheeran fan, but why do I feel like that's one weekend getting Michaela Testa and one weekend getting Anna Paul? Or are they like... No, that was like bad. I was just saying like way better is one.

Oh. Way better is one, yes? Ed Sheeran. I love Ed Sheeran. I love Ed Sheeran so much. He was my first... I'm not hating on Weezer. It's just like Ed Sheeran live just even feels like... I've never learned... He was one of the first musicians, the first musician I ever learned an album, every word to every song, front to back. That's the best. Back in middle school. That's crazy. You cannot hate on old Ed Sheeran. I remember I told Sam Golbach or Sam Golbach...

Ones that he looked like hot Ed Sheeran and he was so offended. All right, you guys, we have officially been at the canceled studio for a trillion hours, but we love you all so, so, so much. By the time you see this, we will be on our international tour. If there are any tickets left or anything, please come see us. And we love you so much. We're going to miss our little haunted studio while we're gone. And Amari, thank you for joining us. Thanks for having me. I had a great time. My first time in here. I don't feel like haunted. Our sexy little, slutty little third co-host.

See you in Melbourne. Bye.