A Sugar Daddy, A Tired Bestie & A Crackhead
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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. ♪♪♪

And just like that, we're back with yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. Now we're going to jump straight into it because what I'll be doing, I'll be fixing people messy. Now we don't have a voice memo story today. So people are leaving me to read their long run on sentences. But we got some juicy stuff going on here. So let's just get into it, y'all.

Damn, he's 15 years older than you. So,

Sorry, I will not judge. Here are my concerns. Okay, so in parentheses, she says, believe before I typed this, I thought of everything. I'm an overthinker. I've been seeing this man for almost three years. I'm 34. He's 15 years older. Okay, so he about 50. He about to be 50. He 49. Now here's the issue. He's married. Damn.

But hold on. When he told me that and started explaining the situation, I immediately said no. But then he courted me for months and I was still saying no. Ain't no way he courted you for months and you were still talking about no. You was giving in, girl. Well, you wouldn't be writing me. Mm-hmm.

But I'm not that type of person. Okay. Then he started showing me instead of telling me. For months, he started showing me how he lives, what it's like, and we both grown. He didn't have to tell me. I could see what he was doing. He pursued me for a while until I gave in. Okay. I have full access to him. When I say full, I mean full. Okay. Wait a minute. That was it? Like, what the fuck?

Okay, so you stopped the story right there. Interesting enough. I don't know what the hell you want me to help you with. I mean, you did say, please pick my story because I've been contemplating on writing you for months. And then you said, here's my story and how I need advice. I've been seeing this man who's

15 years older than me for three years. And I mean, you're 34. He's 50. He's married. But you're not that type of girl. So you didn't want to involve yourself. But he courted you for months and you finally gave in.

And now I'm guessing he done told you he was going to leave his wife for all this time, all this time, all this time. And the date for him to leave her keeps moving significantly back, back, back and back. It keeps moving further back. That's what I can assume. I mean, but you just ended your story. That was it, boo. So I don't really know what the hell you want me to say or what specifically you need help on. But I'm going to tell you right now.

You just signed up to be an accomplice because we all know what he doing. I mean, I was reading between the lines that you were giving me and he basically sell drugs in the streets and shit, you know. All right, cool. We've all had our share of those. I'm sorry. I can't speak for all women. A lot of us have.

had our experiences with men in the streets, whether they're older and younger, they're all kind of sort of the same. So, yeah, basically you've become a mistress and an accomplice. I mean, are you helping him run his business? I mean, you're 15 years younger, so he definitely could benefit from having a young girl. This is like Diddy and Carisha. You know, mine is with Diddy going through. But, yeah.

I've dated in the streets. I've dated older men in the streets as well. And yeah, they, they, they love to pray on younger women. They do. Um,

There's something about us that keeps them youthful. They like to, we keep them younger. We keep our air to the streets. They use us when it's convenient for them in their business and their business affairs as well. We are much, much easier to manipulate. So, of course, he wasn't going to give up pursuing you to court you, you know, after that.

him telling you that he's married. I mean, shit. What is a young girl's dream? A nigga with money who can buy them anything, who can do anything, and who feels like she is loved the right way. That's all a young girl needs, you know, to give your heart to a man. That's all I'm speaking from experience. So...

So I guess you just need advice on leaving this motherfucker. I guess you do. And I'm telling you, your 34-year-old ass got a lot more life to live. This wouldn't be the first time I told a young girl, leave an older nigga alone who is married, who is never obviously going to leave their wife. I'm going to tell you the same. I think... Listen...

You've had three years of fun. Amazing sex, I imagine. Amazing gifts, everything. The thrill of being with an older gentleman, sneaking around, not being caught and all of that shit. But I'm going to tell you this also. If you think that wife has no idea what he's doing, you're just as sick as he is. Trust me, she knows what's going on. This nigga 50. He been with this woman for a long time. And imagine...

All the bullshit that she's been through with this street nigga. So even if she doesn't know about you specifically, she knows that it's somebody else's turn. She knows that. I mean, because you're probably more than likely not the only one that, you know, he's cheating on her with or has cheated with. But yeah, that's that's something that you should just definitely walk away from. For one, it's not good for you and your youthfulness because that'll age you real quick, boo.

And it's just somebody out there for you that deserves you and that you deserve. You don't need to share a man with a woman because neither one of you are winning at that point. You know what I mean? Neither one of you. His wife isn't winning, you know, because she's the wife and all that shit. No, you weren't winning. Oh, because you're just the side bitch who get all the money you get fucked on and you get everything handed to you. Nah, you're still...

Not a priority of his either. Nobody, nobody has the number one spot. You know what I'm saying? So that's all I got for that until you tell me what else I'm missing or you tell me what else you had to say because girl, you wasn't finished. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.

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State Farm Insurance also cares about the growth of black communities. They're actively investing in programs and initiatives that help provide financial literacy, give early career advice, and grow black-owned businesses, thus leading to generational wealth, which helps protect the future of our communities. We want to build a future that we all can be proud of.

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All right, y'all. This person said, Hey, Jess, I would like your opinion on weak friends. This has nothing to do with my other situation, but this has been bugging me for a while. I have a friend that's been with her baby daddy for years, six plus years.

During that time, he had put her through the ringer. I'm talking about cheating with the same girls damn near the whole relationship. Had her sleeping in a car while pregnant. She bailed him out of jail multiple times. The side chick threatened her child. Girl, I could go on for days about the shit that he does. He's not the brightest color in the crayon box. I mean, the man just stupid.

So when she needs to vent, guess who's the listening ear? Me. Okay. She also sent me a voice note.

I'm always straightforward and honest with her. I tell her, look, you just need to leave the situation alone. It's okay to be alone. You know, work on yourself. I give her all of that. But each and every time, she continues to run back. Now, I'm at the point where if this is what you're going to keep doing, I don't want to hear about the bullshit no more. And that's fair to me because it's my best friend. And it hurts me to see her going through this shit. But when I'm at my point, I'm at my breaking point because...

You keep going back, not even a day after you say you're done, you run back. So is it wrong to just cut her off completely and let her deal with that shit? And whenever she decides she's done, maybe we can come back. But I'm just tired of it. I'm at the point in my life where I just want strong females around me that we can help uplift and encourage each other. Now, I feel like I'm the strongest one out of my friend group.

But it's like, I'm talking to a brick wall sometimes because what's the point of asking for advice if you're not going to take it, you know? And this is six years in the making. At what point do you get tired? I know everybody will reach their breaking point when they're ready. But as a friend, I'm tired of hearing it. I'm tired of seeing my best friend go through this bullshit. So would it be wrong for me to cut her off?

And then you also said, oh, and the nigga don't care for his kids either. Neither have custody, but she does her part. Okay, girl, let me tell you. I actually been in a situation like this before with, you know, a family member of mine who just...

come to me and just complain about what her boyfriend don't do and what he, you know, what he's not doing and, you know, how he's just not emotionally present. He's not mentally present for her. He's hardly even sexually present. You know what I'm saying? When it comes to times of intimacy, you know, what can she do? What can I do? What can I do, Jess? And then I give her advice and she just don't take it. You know what I mean? Like,

So then it's like, damn, what am I talking for? You know, because I told you what you need to do. You need to leave this motherfucker alone, you know, because y'all got a child and shit. But it's like he come and whisper sweet nothings in your fucking ear. And now he back the same day, you know, at least your girl let one day go by. Goddamn, like this is definitely traits of a weak minded woman. And these are things that we are afraid to call our friends out about.

You know, if you're the strongest friend in your group, it's time to elevate your group. You understand what I'm saying? Or go find another damn group because you can't be you can't always be the smartest and the strongest one for so long. Because then how do you elevate? How do you grow? Has to be somebody smarter than you always and somebody stronger than you.

Because you need guidance. Everybody needs guidance some type of way. So not saying leave those people alone who are not growing and elevating and trying to find their way just like you. Some people like just sit in a misery, but you can't attach yourself to that. So what I did with my cousin, I didn't cut my cousin off.

I cut her off from telling me anything about her relationship. And there's a way that you can do that as well. You know what I mean? Like, because that's your best friend. You know, you can't let her weak mindedness or you can't let her be on. Let's just be honest and call a spade a spade. You can't let her stupidity.

Coming between your friendship. Now, it can make things a lot more tense. It can make things a little awkward between you guys. It can even arise some issues. Okay, cool. But no, you can't break up with your best friend over some shit like this. As mad as it makes you, as mad as he makes you, as bad as it seems and as stupid as she seems like she is, trust me, she just...

She just needs to get tired of it. And to be honest, you're probably the only one that she has when it comes to this. Because if you tie the hand about this shit, I know her sisters and brothers or cousins or other friends or aunties or whatever, whoever the fuck else she talked to, if she talked to other people about it, you know, because this this this is embarrassing me just reading it. So I know she's embarrassed just naturally. You know what I mean? And he don't give a fuck about her embarrassment.

You do. It's to the point where she don't even care about herself being embarrassed. She don't give a fuck how dumb she look at the end of the day. But trust me, she knows. She been going through this shit for six years. She know what's good for her. She know what isn't. She's just not over him. Some people have in their mind, man, these men will change. The longer I stick it out, he's going to change. He has to be closer to change. He will. He will. I know it.

All he's going to keep doing, which I hate to say, is keep proving her wrong. Or he may just change. Who knows that? But nobody got time to put in another six fucking years for this. Or four years. It would be a decade and four years. You know what I'm saying? Nobody got time to keep seeing their friend go through the hurt and shit. I think you just cut her off from that part. You just tell her, look, man.

I'm about sick and tired of hearing so much about this nigga, what he don't do. And, you know, I feel like I'm in a damn relationship with you and him, you know, and I'm sick of it. So I just, I really, really don't want to cut you off as my friend, as close as I am to doing it. I love you so much, sis.

I'd just rather not hear anything about him. I don't want you to even punch your lips to tell me nothing about this nigga. Nothing until you're telling me you are absolutely done and it's over. Like, I don't want to hear nothing else about it. Everything, every piece of advice I give you goes in one ear and out the other. You know...

So every day you wake up and look in the fucking mirror, you're not being treated right. You're not. And this is not even setting an example for your children. Y'all got kids together. He don't do shit for the kids. Nothing. But he want to fuck on you and lay up with you and cheat on you and do all this shit, have his cake and eat it too. And you're making that possible for him. You are giving him the cake. You're cutting it for him and feeding it to him.

So we have to be honest with our friends and the people around us, man. I think you'll be fine. I think you should keep it a buck with her and just tell her straight up, listen, I don't want to leave you as a best friend. So you keep all of that bullshit away from me about your love life. And then we can move forward like that. That's it. I don't want to hear nothing about him.

If it ain't about my godkids, I mean, I imagine you're a godmom or, you know, you call her kids your niece or your nephew, you know. If it ain't about them, I could care less about what they forever got going on with you and their forever got going on. I don't care. That's it. That's all. Keep me updated, though. Let me know. And trust me, I want to let you know something. You're not doing anything wrong. You're not doing anything wrong. You're just trying to be a good friend. And sometimes...

What we do is not enough for somebody to open up their eyes and see what they're really going through. You understand what I'm saying? So it's not your fault and you're not doing anything wrong. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.

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Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Seeing our communities grow and thrive is something we care deeply about here at Black Tech Green Money.

State Farm Insurance also cares about the growth of black communities. They're actively investing in programs and initiatives that help provide financial literacy, give early career advice, and grow black-owned businesses, thus leading to generational wealth, which helps protect the future of our communities. We want to build a future that we all can be proud of.

State Farm understands that representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. It also requires active sponsorship of programs like the AXO, a year-long program that recognizes and rewards high school students for their academic and cultural achievements, along with funding programs like Project Ready, a National Urban League program committed to educational achievement of black and brown youth that has awarded over $11 million in scholarship offers to date.

State Farm believes that being better neighbors creates better communities and can have a long-lasting impact. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. I'm a good lawyer, and I want to win. I think I killed G.T.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Corinaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt, new episodes Thursdays, streaming only on Hulu.

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Okay, moving on. Last but not least.

Hey Jess, first, I love you so much. Now let's get into my mess. I'm 30, from East Baltimore, okay, firecracker, and have a hard time letting go. Hmm. I've been in a situation on and off since middle school. The issue is he has a drug problem. Crack problem. Damn. Okay. Over the years, I've tried to save him, help him, and change him. But obviously, nothing has helped anything. Hmm. Hmm.

I understand addiction is something he has to want to change in order for sobriety to work. But I have to go. I can't waste any more time. I've moved on multiple times, but I find myself missing him. Overall, we have a friendship and he's fun. And these other men are boring. And I don't have a genuine friendship with them. I don't do drugs and don't want to be with a drug user. But how do I stop comparing? How do I find friendship in these other men before I try and take it further?

I low-key believe he's my person and I won't be happy with anyone because of this, but I know God got better for me than a crackhead. Um, damn. First of all, just relax with that. All right. Um,

Anyway, girl, yes, I'm sure God has more for anyone than, you know, just a crackhead. And just because he is struggling with addiction now, you know, drug abuse now does not mean that that's his fate. You know, that doesn't mean that's his path. That just means this is one of the stops in his journey. You know what I mean? We don't know why he's why. Why is it? Have you ever talked to him?

About why he's even on this drug, how it got into a system for the first time. Was was it by way of a gateway drug? Was he just smoking weed at first? Was he bought up around drugs? Is the environment that he's in? Does he have a lot of buddies that that that does crack? Is it in his household? You know what I'm saying? What about his parents? How was he? You know, not making excuses for him, but nobody just gets on crack.

I think we should all, you know, I'm from Baltimore too. You from Baltimore, you just said it yourself. You 30 from East Baltimore. I'm 31. I'm from West Baltimore, born and raised. I grew up watching people get high and, you know, a lot, my friends, parents and my family members and shit. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like I've seen that myself.

And I'm telling you, nobody just starts smoking crack like off the rip, like just off the jump, off top. Like nobody just does that shit. You understand what I'm saying? So what prompted him to choose that that drug of preference? You know what I'm saying? Like, why does he prefer crack or whatever? You know, I do know that is one of the cheapest drugs. You know what I'm saying? But why is he that down and out about it?

And you may have talked to him about it, but you didn't put that here. So I need you to let me know. Like, have you ever talked about counseling or therapy or rehab for him? Does he tell you things like he wants to get off of drugs? How old is he? Like, where did y'all meet? Is he worth taking a break from the relationship aspect of it? And y'all build on a friendship while you help him overcome this addiction. You know what I'm saying? And then y'all revisit that.

Once he's clean and shit later,

to be together. You know what I'm saying? Like, what is it? Is it worth that? You know, because you 30, you 30, you know what I mean? Like, I get it. You want to date, you want to be out there, you want, but if this is your soulmate and you really feel like this is your person, then yeah. Like, you know, is it worth fighting that fight? You know what I mean? Like, obviously it is to you. You feel some type of way, you know, and I know there is more for you. Nobody deserves to be what, you know,

a drug addict, but no person deserves to be a drug addict. You know what I'm saying? So that could still be your friend. Just take a break, take a pause on the intimate part or looking at him as a lover and just be his friend. You know what I mean? If that's not taken away from your life, if it's not causing any detriment to you and what you got going on, be his friend, help him. But definitely get back to me on that. I need to know what's happening with that. But

But to all three of the storytellers, that's what I'm going to start calling y'all, the storytellers, people whose mess that I be attempting to fix. I love all three of you. I love all three of you, whether you be ladies or men. I definitely do love you. And I thank y'all, each and every one of my listeners, every week tuning into Carefully Reckless with your girl, Jess Hilarious, because I be doing what? I be fixing mess. And in my deepest, paying voice, peace. Catch me next Wednesday.

I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed JT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious seating for eight, available

panoramic moonroof and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Most deals are barely worth mentioning.

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