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Shownotes Transcript
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She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.
The power of attorney always bet on Jax. Reasonable Doubt, new episodes Thursdays, streaming only on Hulu. Welcome to Carefully Reckless, a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. And just like that, we're back on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. So this week is part two of Jess Fix My Mess. Now, I had my fans and supporters and all the avid Carefully Reckless listeners, and
Send me their inquiries for advice that they need. Send me your experiences from the past, the present, or what you feel like you're going to be dealing with in the future. If I can provide any fixations for your mess, I will. That's why it's called Just Fix My Mess. Now, y'all sent me some really interesting situations. It was like y'all was trying to top the people last week, all right? Everybody's name will remain anonymous.
First one, here we go. This is a man. Yes, y'all know I love celebrating men opening up because they don't usually do so. So I love this. Hey Jess, me and my girl has been together for quite some time.
I lost my job and she is in between jobs. So money is tight. However, we still make it through for the kids. But she has a shopping addiction and she always puts that first. What do I do? Because I don't want to leave, but I will. Her priorities are not in the right order.
Well, I will say you sound very responsible. And coming from a man, that's something you usually don't see. You know, usually the man is the frivolous spender. You guys spend your money on shoes and all that type of stuff. Now, women, we have shopping addictions, yes. But...
If everything ain't right at home, if the bills are behind, if the children ain't all taken care of, daycare, school, tuition, all that stuff ain't paid up, you have no business, no business shopping. Now, grooming is different. Getting your nails done, head done, you know, looking good is different. But anything extra, like the shopping, you said she has a shopping addiction.
If she's in between jobs, she ain't even supposed to be worried about shopping at all. Then you said kids. All right. So I'm assuming that you have more than one child together and y'all live in the same house. Somebody needs to find a job. Somebody need to work. She's in between jobs and you lost your job. You told me a bit. That was a mouthful. You need to get a job and she needs to get one too.
You need to sit down and also talk to her about this too. If you haven't, that's something that y'all never tell me. Y'all never tell me if y'all bring this stuff up to them or not. So I don't know if this helps you, but if you haven't communicate that with her, because it sounds like she's irresponsible as a mother and as a wife or a girlfriend, she sounds very irresponsible. And now it could be one or two things.
Either she's selfish or she is spoiled because you spoiled her. Now, it could be a thing of when you guys were up, when you had your job and everything and you paid the bills and she had a job and you provided everything.
everything. So maybe she could spend her money freely on herself and shopping and all that. Maybe you didn't know that you were creating a monster. If she has always had this issue, that's different. If she's always been careless with money and very wasteful with finances, then that's something different. That's something that should have been talked about. You should have been noticed that even before your kids or right after, whenever it started. But that is the communication thing as well.
You can sit down and talk to her about it. If she disagrees, you make a decision from there because you always have to do what's right for you first.
and then your kids. And I know a lot of people are going to disagree with that, but there's no way that you can take care of your children if you're not mentally prepared, if you're not right, if you're not in your right state of mind. So you have to make sure that you do what's best for you and then your children. And what's best for you is not staying in
Hmm. How can I put this? Cause I don't want to, I don't want to deem your relationship negative or like put a negative connotation on your relationship. I don't want to do that, but you seem unhappy and very frustrated with this. And if it's not fixable, you have to do what's right for you and your kids. Hopefully that helps. Okay. This is from a woman.
Jess, my boyfriend wants to be a rapper. He has been rapping since he was 16. He's 33 now and hasn't popped off with his career. We have spent so much money traveling, booking shows, and he never popped as an artist. He has little gigs here and there, but it's not bringing in any money. I don't want to crush his dreams. However, he needs to know how I feel because this shit is going nowhere.
Okay, so you didn't pose a question like you're asking me what you should do, but I'm just going to assume that you're asking me what you should do. And what you should do is not crush his dream, but still be honest with him. Babe, this is not working. I don't know how long y'all have been together, but you said he's been rapping since he was 16. So obviously this is his passion. This is something that he wants to do, whether he pops with it or not. Everyone wants to make it, but just because you don't make it does not mean that that's not your passion. That's not what you want to do.
It's just that he hasn't blown yet. I don't know if he will these days. It's easier to make it, but it's not easy staying hot. It's not. You know, you got TikTok and things of that nature and rappers and celebrities are always
much more easier to get in touch with and to reach than back in the day, you know, than used to. So there are ways that he can make it. I mean, does his music suck? In your opinion, it's all about if it's good or not. Like, is it good? Because if it is good, it just means he hasn't met the right person yet or met the right person that could take him or he doesn't have a team. Is he doing it all alone? Is it just you and him? Is he independent? Like what's going on? I need a
feel that you can be honest with him without shattering his dream. You don't have to say, nigga, this shit ain't working unless his shit is bad. That's where you have to be honest.
It's not being a hater. And a lot of people think that if you disagree with something, oh, you hating, you being a hater. No, no. But it's good to be honest with people. No, this is not going to work. No, this is not. No, this is not going to stand out. Nobody's going to bump this shit in the car. Nobody is saying, hey, yo, put on Lord Dub from down the street. He dropped some hot shit last week. Now, if nobody's saying that, then no.
You have to be honest with him. That's your man, girl. And you want to stick beside him? Then stick beside him and tell him the truth. It's not going anywhere, babe. Do you think that you could step back from it and get a job?
Let's get a job and let's work on it until we, because there's nothing wrong with chasing your dreams, but you have to be able to take care of yourself while you're chasing that shit. You can't chase it and end up homeless. That has worked for some people. But if you are the amazing girlfriend that I think you are, because obviously you do support him and you have been supporting him. You're just seeing the end of the road here. I think that you could be honest enough to tell him like, babe, I've been here with you. I've been in the gym shooting with you. You ain't making these shots. All right.
So we got to move on to something else, maybe fall back from it, come back to it. But we have to make something shake because bills are still here. Life is still here. We are still moving forward. This is not making us any money. This is not, you know, so you just have to sit down and communicate again. Communication. Don't be writing me, asking me nothing just for me to keep giving you all the same answers and shit. Communicate. But I love y'all. Thank you so much.
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Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Moving on. Hey, Jess. So I just recently watched Couples Retreat on VH1. Had no idea you were on the show. My situation is similar to Claudia and KJ. I've been with my man for four years.
and I want more children. He already has two, but he doesn't want any more. He told me this when we first met, but as time went on, I thought that it would change. I love him dearly, but don't want to settle if I'm not getting what I want. I really do want more kids.
Okay. I do understand. And that is a similar situation as Claudia's. Yes. But the thing is, you already have children. Claudia don't have no kids. So she's like, she just wants a child. Like she wants a baby. Every woman should have the experience of having a baby if they want to. Having a child is something beautiful. It's multiplying. It's creating life. Like you're making people
Like, you know what I mean? Like you made a person, a person that is yours and that will be yours forever. It's something sacred about that. That's amazing. But when you're in a relationship and someone doesn't want the same thing and they do tell you upfront before y'all even get official and become so in love and all of that.
He did tell you this. I'm not sure if KJ always felt that way about him and Claudia, you know, or just period, like he didn't want any more kids. But I'm going to tell you this. Your boyfriend told you. So it's really, really your choice. And you told me you thought that it would change. But it's very seldom that you can change a man's mind about something like that.
Only he can change his mind. And it's not even effective if he loves you enough, he'll give you a baby. It's not even that. Maybe he has reasons why he doesn't want any anymore. Now, that doesn't mean he doesn't want you or the relationship. Want to marry you doesn't mean he's not going to marry you. Doesn't want you to be his wife. He just doesn't want any more kids. And I know this is repetitive and I don't want to seem redundant, but he told you up front.
So that's the only thing I can see if these things weren't talked about and you guys are four years in. Because four years is a chunk of your life. Like that's not no little bit of ass time. And it hasn't changed, but he did tell you still. So he really is against having more children.
That's what we see. That's what we know. I'm so sorry because I know you do want a baby, but I'm happy that you already have kids. So you have experienced birth and pregnancy.
You just want it with him and you want more kids. I do understand. But sometimes things don't work out the way that we want them to work out. And that's just what it is, baby girl. I'm not telling you to leave this man and I'm not telling you to stay. I'm telling you to pray about it. I don't know if you're religious. I don't know if you're Christian. I don't know if there is a higher being that you pray to. Mine is God. And I would literally just have a talk with God and I would have a talk with him as well and tell him,
Not to persuade him to have a baby. Just tell him what you told me. I thought it would change. I did. If you haven't already, I thought this would change. I love you. I don't want to leave you, but I want kids. I know you did tell me up front that you didn't. However, things do change. And I...
I thought that it would change. Not that I could change you. Make sure you say these things. Not that I could change your mind, but you could change your mind. You never know what life may bring. You never know how you're going to feel in four years, three years, six years. You never know. I don't know what your experience was.
before with the children. If you guys have been together for four years, then this should have already been talked about. If not, it's still fine. It's not too late to go and talk to him about these things. Get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to have any. And if it's just...
Dead end, it's dead end, baby. You got to move on if that's what your heart tells you. Or you got to stay, stick it out. Ask him about adoption. You know, there are different ways. I don't know. Maybe it's the pregnancy part that scares him. Just get inside of his mind and try to talk and figure out what's going on with it. Again, communication. But thank you for writing me, baby. I'm so sorry. I know she want her child. Because child, I want more too. But the way these men is set up, baby.
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Okay, moving on. Jess, I've been in a monogamous relationship for a long time, but my fiance complains that it's getting boring and we're growing apart. However, we don't want to call it quits. He recently asked for an open relationship. At first, I thought like he got me fucked up, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad. What do you think? Yeah, I see. I think a little different.
I don't care how long we've been together. And this is just me speaking from my personal perspective. I don't give a fuck how long we've been together. I don't care if you're getting bored, nigga to spice it up some other way. We are not bringing in another person to help us with a relationship because before you know it,
You will be alone and that bitch will be with that nigga. Believe me, he already told you he's getting bored, but y'all don't want to break up. No, y'all don't want to see each other with someone else. That's what that is, in my opinion. And I may be wrong, but if he were to leave you and go be with someone else, that will hurt you. If you were to leave him and go be with someone else, as bored as the relationship got and as far apart as y'all grew, he would still have a fucking problem with that.
So that's the problem there. Y'all don't want to let go because y'all do have so much time and history put in and all of that. And I do understand that. But people do grow apart. They do. And maybe you guys just have to separate. Maybe y'all have to be done with each other. Go do you. He go do him. Whatever.
and come back. Because y'all didn't even make it to the married part. You said your fiance, sweetie. So y'all haven't even made it down the aisle. How long were y'all together? Shit. And he proposed and all of a sudden he's bored. I don't know. How long have y'all been engaged? Because black people got a motherfucking habit of proposing and then forgetting about a damn wedding. Just going to be engaged for life. Like, no, that's not what we do. I think what you should do is you should sit down
And y'all should really be honest with each other. I feel like y'all are not honest. I feel like he's not being honest with you about...
becoming bored in a relationship, I just felt like maybe his heart is not there anymore. Maybe his mind isn't there. Something ain't there. Something is not connected. There's a disconnect. There's something going on. I'm not saying it may be with another woman. I'm not trying to put anything in your head that doesn't need to be there. I just want you to see and don't play yourself and don't let him play you. Because like you said at first, you was like, oh no, he got me fucked up. And rightfully so, he does.
I love how open he was with you to even try to suggest something. So y'all won't, you know, but it's like, he wants a pass. It's like, uh-uh, it's something that it ain't right. It ain't right. Have you guys ever had threesomes before? Have you guys ever, you know, I don't know. I don't know. That's just like, that's not something that just comes out of the fucking blue from a fiance. Is he already dealing with someone? That would have me thinking like, are you already dealing with somebody? But
You so far in here because we are about to get married or we're supposed to be getting married, but you already got somebody on the side. So now you want to bring that person in and my mind would be going and it's going right now. And I'm not saying that's your situation. So just forget all that, that I say it, but keep it in the back of your mind, bitch. But don't, you know, don't harp too much on that. Just sit down and be honest.
Because that's communication, but that's also a bunch of bullshit to me. It's just something that's not right there. I don't know if you're not telling me something or whatever it is. But sit down and make him be honest with you. And if he cannot be honest with you, you still feel that it's nothing, then yeah, you need to exit. Stage left. Quickly, easily. Don't pass, go, don't collect. $200, go. Leave. I'm sorry. But that's how I feel. All right, moving on. Last one.
Oh, this is from a baby. I love this. And baby, I mean, she's saying she's 17. Okay. My parents threaten to disown me if I continue to date my boyfriend. They don't like him, the life that he lives, and the fact that he's not our race. Would you continue a relationship like this? Because I'm definitely picking my boyfriend. Hmm. The fact that you're a baby, and I'm not going to ever tell you, you don't know what love is. You don't know. You don't know. I mean, because...
It's absolutely possible that you do. I'm not going to tell you don't know what love is, but you have a whole lot of life to live. You're very young. You're in high school. I'm assuming if you haven't graduated early. Now, what kind of shit is this boyfriend into? And what fucking race are you? And
and him. You left a lot of little shit out. I don't know. I can't even make an assumption and say, oh, she might be white and the boyfriend might be black because it might be the other way around. He might be a white boy and our parents is like, uh-uh, he may be Hispanic. He may be Asian, Russian. He better not be Russian, bitch, but you know what I'm saying? He could be anything. So I don't know. I don't think she wanted to disclose that information. However, I do feel like you should talk to your parents first.
Find out what is it about him that they don't like. And he could just be a bad boy that they see could easily influence you just by being around him or his girlfriend or, you know, that's so many ways. Like I was 17 years old before I was a teenager before my parents didn't like every little boy I thought that I was going to be with, you know, they didn't. And I also dated older when I was a teenager because I've always looked older, you know, a little strong in the face, got strong features, whatever. Right.
So I've always looked before my time. Damn. Right? So I always dated up, up until I actually got older. I used to lie about my age, all of that shit. Is it that? I used to date niggas in the streets. I used, like, it could be that. I'm not sure. Again, race, I honestly feel like
If your parents didn't say that, maybe that doesn't have anything to do with it. I don't know. I don't know. It sounds, I ain't even gonna say what it sound like. I ain't even trying to paint this picture like this, but to me, it sound like you white and you got yourself a black boyfriend and your parents ain't feeling it. If it is about race.
it probably just because he black, if this is the case, it don't have to be about race either. It could be that he in the streets. It could be that he's older. It could be all those factors, all those things that I've just said I went through as a teenager. So sit down and talk to your parents. I see that you said, I'm definitely picking my boyfriend. If that's how you feel, I can't stop you. Apparently your parents can't even stop you, but you do have to talk to them. They're
They're your parents and they have your best interest at heart. They're your parents. So sit down and talk about it with them because you're their baby. You know, you're their baby, obviously. And I love how you said parents. So you have both of your parents still. Not a lot of young people can even say that. So that's good that you even still have both of your parents. So God bless you. But talk to them people. Talk to them before you get your little ass whipped, girl.
And just like that, we've come to the end of another episode of Carefully Reckless With Your Girl, Just Hilarious. Now let's just fix my mess. That is the shit. I might do a part three next week, but I might not. I don't know. I might give it a little rest. Y'all got some problems, all right? But it all boils down to communication. I see a lot of people don't communicate these days. That's been the issue with every story that I've looked at, everything that I've looked at.
It just seems like you guys don't communicate. So open your mouth, even if it's a hard conversation. Hard conversations have to be had as well. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong. You have to be able to have hard conversations in marriages, in relationships, in friendships, with family, in business. Hard conversations.
You have to. You can't run from it. But thank y'all. I love y'all. And I know y'all love me. Tune in every Wednesday, Hump Day. Also tune in to Reckless Discussions every Wednesday at 7 p.m. on YouTube. Love y'all. Peace. Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer, and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.
The power of attorney. Always bet on Jax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys. Offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof,
and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo.