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Oh shit, we back on the air. Welcome back to y'all another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. I'm gonna be fixing mess. Y'all, what's up? What's good? How y'all doing out there? Checking on y'all mentals. Checking on y'all mentals. Y'all been checking on mine lately. I be going through my DMs, y'all. I just wanna let y'all know. Don't ever let no influencer or no celebrity make y'all feel that they don't be in them DMs. Because it be money in there. So we all be in there, okay? But I just want to...

Take a second and point out the love that I always get from you guys. Y'all be really like checking on me, checking on my mental, making sure I'm straight. Whether something great happened, whether something bad happened, whether y'all hear something good or bad, y'all just be checking on me. And I just love y'all so much. So I just wanted to give y'all some appreciation real quick before I fix this girl's mess. She sent a voice note in. And I love that because y'all know I hate reading y'all run on sentences and shit. They be long as hell.

All right. Here goes the voice note. Hey, Jess. So I found your podcast maybe about, I don't know, a month ago, you know, looking for shit to listen to while I'm at work. And I just want to say, I think it's great that you're helping people, you know, so help me fix my mess, please. It's a lot. I'm going to try to keep it short. So 24, I'm

I got two kids, two boys. My youngest one is 12 weeks, so he's fresh. This has to do with a dad. Okay, so before I found out that I was pregnant, we had literally just broke up. Then I found out that I was pregnant. Okay, why did we break up? Well... This girl talks so goddamn slow. Come on, girl. People trying to listen before they get out of their car and go to work. Shit, you gonna make somebody late.

super disrespectful, you know, always calling me out my name, you know, like saying shit, you know, just, just coming at my whole life. You feel me? Like literally just trying to, you know, bring me down. And honestly, it was getting to a point where like I was, I'm not going to say that I was believing him, but it was definitely making me feel some type of way.

Just a whole lot of bullshit. And not only that, but he put his hands on me. He wasn't beating the fuck out of me or nothing. And I'm not trying to say that it was okay or anything like that because no, it's not okay.

Now I know before I play the rest of this story her ass not about to say. He wasn't beating like the fuck out of me or nothing. He was just like hitting me a little bit. Bitch he was putting his hands on you. That's just all that matters and he shouldn't have been doing that but continue. But he was doing that and

Basically, you know, you know how you be in a relationship and you hope that they change. And, you know, you keep trying to talk to them and you're telling them that this is the problem. Right. And this is the problem. And you just, you know, you just keep putting up with it. Like, I kept putting up with it until I got tired. So I broke up with him. Then, like I said, broke up with him.

found out that I was pregnant with our second child. Didn't get back together with him though. So long story short, you know, he ended up getting in, like he got mad.

Girl, fuck people. Oh my God, Jesus. Yeah.

And, you know, like my family, like they're not really the type. Like they wasn't coming through for me, honestly. Right. And I mean, that's cool. But, you know, what else was I supposed to do? Like at this point, I'm scared. So basically, like at first I was a little scared to tell him like, you know, like because he came home and, you know, he's trying to work it out. And I wasn't, you know, I wasn't expressing that, you know,

Like, this isn't what I want to do because I was low-key scared on the low because, like, when he gets mad, that's when he starts acting crazy. That's when he wants to start putting his hands on people and stuff like that. So I wasn't saying it, you know, but I was feeling it. And now, like, I finally had the conversation with him and, you know, I came out and I told him, like, I don't want to do this anymore. Yeah.

And, you know, of course, he didn't really like it. And then, you know, like, that narcissism or whatever. Like, he's like, well, I don't like you. Like, you're crazy. If you thought that I ever wanted to be with you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But this is a cycle, you know? Because I've told him that I didn't want to be with him before, you know? Like, whenever I was mad or whatever, like, I told him. And...

he, you know, say what he says, disrespect me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he's trying like three days later, we're back on the same shit. I mean, we're not back on the same shit, but three days later, he's acting like he didn't say anything, you know, like he didn't disrespect me or

And I kindly remind him and he's like, oh, well, I've got to say stuff like that to you. I've got to be like that with you because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And to me, I just feel like that's bullshit. And basically, I guess my question is because I feel like he doesn't really understand that I'm at a point where I really just don't want to be with him. Like I want a co-parent, you know?

that's another thing like he uses that against me he knows that I love my kids with all my life and I want them to have their father in their life like I don't want them to grow up in a broken home at this point it's like they deserve a happy mom absolutely not a miserable mom because you can't do anything for them if you're not mentally okay so yeah he tries to use my kids against me

I guess to just like stay around or, you know, use that as a crunch. I don't know. But basically, I'm over it. I'm so done. And I don't think that he understands that. Like he thinks like we just had a conversation and, you know, like I guess he's horny. He's trying to fuck.

So he's being super friendly. And like I said, I reminded him of the shit he said. And he, you know, I just told you what his reasons was, but I'm like, we're just friends or, you know, like you're just my baby daddy. And he's like, yeah. All right. Like, yeah. Okay. Like stop playing with me. Okay. So stop playing. Like, does that affect you? Like, I wonder, does that like affect you? Him saying that, like,

Yeah, I ain't playing, nigga. But you gotta really not be playing. Let me let you finish, girl, because I'm about to have to lay into you. I'm sorry this is so long. I'm sorry, girl. Like, for real, for real. If I was to really get down and dirty and into everything, like, it would be a lot longer. I'm trying to keep it short. So basically, I know I keep saying that. My question is, how can I get out of this situation...

safely and with him understanding that this is not what I want to do. What can I do? How can I get him to understand that this is not for me? At this point, we've outgrown each other. What can I do? Because I don't want to. Honestly, I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts and I be feeling like when I be listening, some of that shit like sound like me and him. Lord Jesus. Well, I don't want you to don't listen to Snapped.

Because a lot of them, when the women snap, they be killing the men and vice versa. So look, I think you just, let me let you finish. Jesus. And like I said, like everything is probably not as bad as like the True Crime Podcast, but it's like close enough. And it be having me thinking like, oh my gosh, like,

This could literally be me one day. Like, that's what I've been thinking about. Like, if I don't get out, it could get worse than this. I could end up dead. Like, and he's made threats like that. Like, he's starting to hurt me, you know? And he even goes as far as the next person I go with, he's going to hurt them too. So it's just like, I'm worried. Like, I don't want to do this no more.

I want to be safe. And like by me being a little afraid, it's like keeping me. It's keeping me in this relationship. Well, it's not even a relationship because we're not together. And I tell him that we're not together, but it's just like keeping him around. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.

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State Farm Insurance gets it. Representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. State Farm understands and wants to help protect our communities by investing in our future, building off the hard work our parents have done before us. We all are looking to create generational wealth so that our families and generations behind us have a better starting point than we did. That begins with financial literacy.

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I'm not going to stop.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. It's Ian's Ryan Seacrest here. People always say it's good to unwind, but that's easier said than done. The exception, Chumpa Casino. They actually make it easier done than said, or at least the same. Chumpa Casino is an online social casino with hundreds of casino-style games like slots and blackjack.

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Get up out of there. I know that, you know, you say that you're staying there because you well, you gave me a couple of reasons. You know, you want your kids to see the whole family dynamic and, you know, but let's just go one by one. You wanting your kids to see the whole family dynamic. You turn around and said the right thing that comes right after that.

But I want them to see mom happy. If mom is not happy, if mom is miserable, if mom is staying with their father who is not only mentally abusive or emotionally abusive, but physically abusive. And obviously your kids, the older they get, they see that they're boys. You know what I'm saying? So then that's not really a good example to set for them. Dad hits on mom or dad...

verbally abuse his mom. He's always mad at her. He's angry at her. Mom's always looking sad. I remember my mom always being sad and down and depressed and just shut down when my dad would come home. You don't want that. You don't want those story times from your kids. You don't want that. And while

I know it's probably easier said than done for you to just up and leave. There are so many resources that you have these days where you can get help. You can leave. And then what is his background? Like, what is he? Like, ex-military? Like, will he always find you? Why haven't you gone to the police? Like, that's number one. Where do y'all live? Like, do they take, would they take this serious? This is domestic, obviously. I honestly do feel for you.

But I need for you to feel for yourself enough to get out of the situation. You get what I'm saying?

Like, and then of course you and your boys will need therapy. Hell, their father needs therapy right now, but he ain't going to get it. But I want you to understand you, this, this situation grew to be as bad as it is because you allowed that for so long. You allowed this for a long time. And even when you call yourself putting your foot down, like, oh, I don't want to do this. This is not for me. You don't even sound confident telling me that's what you don't want.

So I can only imagine how unserious he takes you. You know what I'm saying? When you make those type of threats to leave or when you tell him, this is not for me. You're not really being firm about it. It doesn't sound believable. You're not taking any action to really show him that. You know what I'm saying? And like I said, is he a street dude? Like what makes you so afraid? What has you so afraid? And then I also heard you say you don't have anybody else to turn to. So you don't have any family?

Um, no friends, nobody, a best friend, a cousin, like uncles. You don't, your dad, you don't have any body that can help you. Oh, or where you can turn. You need to get a restraining order. You'll need to do that. You need to call the police. Cause yes, I'm, I'm just fixing my mess all day. But at the end of the day, honey, I can't come get you physically myself. I wish I fucking could like, this is, this is horrible.

I really would love for you to keep me updated. Definitely. Like, where the hell did you meet this nigga? This is weird as hell. And when did you start seeing signs of this? Like, cause y'all got two kids together. If I'm not mistaken, that's what I thought you said. Y'all got two kids. You don't have one child. Y'all just had a baby.

You know what I'm saying? It's going to be very hard to get rid of him, but you're going to have to go through the courts to handle this shit. But when did you know, like, when did the red flags come for this? You've taken this for a long time. You decided to have another baby with him after you seen how he was? Or did he get like this after you were with child with the second baby? I just need to know. And I need to know that you're okay as well and that you're going to take the necessary steps.

To make sure you're okay. Because this shit ain't cool, mama. I guarantee you it's not. I don't even like hearing this about women. But I do appreciate you letting me into your life enough to even allow me to advise you in any type of way. Because these days, you know, all days, but especially these days, women do need to stick together. I don't care what people say. Women definitely got to stick together. So check in with me, mama.

Geez. Y'all, we got another voice note. Hey, Jess. Good morning, or at least it's morning here for me. I don't know what time it'll be when you listen to this or if you listen to this. But I wanted to first off thank you for your dedication and fixing people's mess, even when they must be filthy, honey.

But thank you for all that you do. And I'm just going to get right into it and drop my little old mess off in your lap. Okay, so my husband and I are having a hard time seeing eye to eye with wanting to expand our family and have another child. So a little backstory. We've been together for 10 years. We currently have a preschool age child after our son died.

Initially, my husband said he wanted no more kids, like one and done. And he was pretty firm on that. Like, you know, we've had a few conversations and he's like, nah, I want no more. I want no more X, Y, Z. Okay, so I've always wanted two children at the least. Thinking has always been having one kid. It's just selfish, you know, like if something happened to that kid's parents, you know,

No one else understands what that kid is going through but a sibling. You know what I mean? Like you could have cousins, this person, this, that, and third to be there for you. But no one really understands that pain of losing a parent other than your sibling. And furthermore, I just felt like,

You know, having just one kid, I don't know, that's boring. Like, damn, give them a friend, a permanent friend to, like, have. You know, I mean, maybe they won't even like each other, too. I don't know. But that has always been my thinking. So I've always been set, like, I want at least two children. Obviously, I can't pick the gender, but I've always wanted at least a boy and a girl. Okay, so...

Let me get back to it because I'm just taking you through my little thinking and everything. Okay, so basically, like I said, he was pretty consistent with saying he doesn't want anymore. He's one and done. And I basically told him, and I know before you check me, I know this is wrong the way I went about it. I know it's selfish. I know you don't do these type of things. But I did tell him, like, you know, I want another kid.

And if you're stuck on not expanding our family, then maybe we should reevaluate our relationship because this is a non-negotiable for me. And I just want to also like add a little more context here. Like I know how selfish that sounds, but throughout my life, I've sacrificed so much for other people, like so much for other people's happiness, so much given my last so that this person can have happiness.

You know, whatever it is they need. And I just felt like in this particular moment or in this particular situation, rather, this was something that I just wasn't willing to, you know, be flexible with. Like, it meant so much to me to have at least two kids. Okay, so...

Let me get back to it. So he ended up agreeing to one and a second child. And then a few years later, I got pregnant again. But with that pregnancy, it just felt off. Like it just always felt off, not right. Just, I don't know. It just didn't feel the same. And I know every pregnancy is not the same, but something, you know, your instincts, something just wasn't right with this one, but he was excited. And I actually feel like,

I was very excited my first pregnancy.

I felt like he was whatever. Like, all right, we having a kid. Cool. You know? But that's also his personality. But the second time around, I felt like he was, like, excited. And I wasn't. Like, boy, did the tables fucking turn. Yay. But anyways, we ended up losing a baby. So this is where things take a little complete turn, honey. Okay, so...

I'm at a place now. I no longer want another kid. I'm not interested. I'm just over it. Like our son is only getting older and I don't necessarily want to start over, you know, like, um, don't get me wrong. I love babies. Oh my gosh. I love children. I love babies. I work with kids. I want to have my own daycare. I love kids, but I just don't want anymore. Um,

I don't know if it's because we're in our 30s and I just want to travel. I want to build. I want to start a business. And I just, I don't know. Or I also feel like I never got back into me.

after. Okay. No, I'm not even going to say after having my son, because even before my son, I felt like I never, I kind of fell out of being me. I started gaining weight, you know, happy weight, but don't get too happy shit. But then I started my happy weight and then I paired it with some baby weight. I never got rid of that. So I feel like

And losing the second, you know, the second pregnancy, not being successful. I just feel like now I just want to focus on me. I want to focus on us. I want to focus on the child we do have. I want to travel. I want to build. I want to start a business. And I just want to make money moves, you know? But each time he brings up trying for another child, I just express to him that I don't want to and I'm not interested. Right.

And I know it's my body and ultimately my choice, but I don't want to approach that with him. Like, this is a marriage. You know, this is a marriage. I don't want to be like, this is my body. So anyways, what do I do? Like...

He listened to me. He heard me out, changed his mind when I basically gave him an ultimatum. But now I'm not willing to change my mind. And it's not like I'm fearful that he's going to give me an ultimatum. Like, all right, well, look, check it. If you don't want another kid, I'm out. That's not who he is. That's not how he roll. He not like that. That's me. I'm like that. But I'm changing my ways. But anyways, um...

I don't know. Like, I don't want to just have another kid just because he wants one and then I end up resenting him. I'm not going to resent the baby. I could never resent a child. I could never. I love... I already said this already. But I love children. But maybe I will end up resenting him. Like, but you make... No, I don't think so. Like, no, no. I'm like, bitch, you sound stupid. But...

I just don't want another kid. Like, I know I'm a great mom. And I think maybe like him seeing sometimes when I interact with kids, even in public, like...

I think it's like something in him that's like, oh my gosh, like she's damn near born to be a mom. And then like, I don't know if it's also paired with the fact that he was so excited for that second child and then it didn't happen. So now he's really, really eager to fill that void because before we got pregnant with the second kid, it's not like he was excited to get pregnant. You know what I mean? Like it's...

It just happened and we was like, cool. And I'm like, yes, I think this is my girl. But then, like I said, like stuff started happening and I'm like, this pregnancy just feeling strange. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.

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Anyways, I don't know, though. I just, I don't want another kid. And, like, I feel like he always... I'm sorry, I'm getting tongue-tied and shit. But he, like, kind of always brings it into a conversation. Like, you'll, like, just ease that motherfucking talk in. And I'm like, nigga, get somebody else to do it. No, but, like...

I don't know. No, she did not. Shit, do I need to go to marriage counseling for this shit? But what the fuck a marriage counselor going to tell me? I don't like these. I don't know. Let's talk about it. Let me just hear you out. I hope I gave you enough context, backstory. I said we've been together 10 years, right? We married, already got a kid. I don't know what else you need to know. But I will provide you whatever details you need to help me figure the fuck out what the fuck to do. Anyways, thank you in advance.

Woo, that girl is entertaining. Okay. And look, y'all, I apologize about the noise in the back. Look, I'm cooking right now. All right. My family's home. Well, my man and one of my kids. Anyway, let me get...

Back to her story. Because like she said, tables turn. Yes, they do. She went from wanting the kids and he wasn't really sure about it or, you know, he wasn't doubting it, but he was like, uh, to he really, really, really wanted his second kid. And then second time she wasn't excited about it. That happens. That definitely happens. I've known, like I know couples and have known couples that it happened with, oh my God,

It's a couple different ways. It's a couple different ways you can go about it. This is a hard one. I'm not going to lie. This is not as easy as I thought, y'all. But I honestly think one of y'all just going to have to bite the bullet.

One of y'all would have to bite the bullet. I mean, are you willing to, like, is he willing to adopt? Is he like, now, why don't you want to do it? Is it that you don't want to put your body through it? Is it that you just don't have time for another child? You know, I know you said you want to get back to you, but is that because you don't want to cause any more detriment to your body? Y'all been together for a long time. This is a lot of history. And he's broken, you know, from losing his

You guys' second child, you know, that can take a lot out of a person. And I'm not saying that it didn't do any harm to you. I'm just saying, you know, we're discussing him because he still wants, he wants, like you said, that boy field. However, you're not there mentally. You just don't want another child. And I just want to know specifically what it is because it always depends. I mean, you could give him another baby through surrogacy. You know, you could...

Give him, there are different ways that he could still get his baby, you know? So it all depends on if you're willing to compromise, make that, make that sacrifice in marriage to compromise that. Like, are you willing to give your husband a baby another way? Damn it. That is a lot that I feel for both of you. Cause to be married and to be on the, on two different pages about something so serious like that, that's big.

I know it could take over your marriage easily because that has to be on both of y'all minds every day. He's not letting up. You're not letting up. I know it has to cause tension and division and

you know, in the home, in conversations. I know it could even cause tension in your sex life, you know, because you don't want another baby. You ain't trying to let them shoot the club up. It could cause a lot of problems, you know, and I totally do get it. But one of y'all have to bite the bullet and still try to make each other happy. The happiest that you guys could be together.

Check back in with me. I need to know. I mean, you said you gave me all the meat on the bone and all that shit, but I still need to know. I need to know. Are you willing to do it another way? Sure. Because that's how we move forward. Then I can give you some more advice. I can fix your mess further if you let me know what you're willing to do. I mean, why you really don't want the baby. What's up? Is it for your body? You can't handle another child right now. What exactly is it that's keeping you...

from giving him another baby. So just check back in with me. Oh, and look, y'all, we just come to the end of yet another episode of Carefully Reckless with your girl, Just Hilarious. What I be doing? What I be doing? I be fixing mess. And I'm gonna be doing it from here on out each and every Wednesday where you find your podcast at, y'all. And in my deepest ham voice. Peace. See you next week.

Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed GT.

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