He's Your Baby But I'm Not Your Wife
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Oh shit, we on the air. Welcome back to yet another Calfly Reckless episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. All right. This is a long story. We got a voice note and I'm glad, honey, because I did not want to have to read all this. Here we go. Girl have been together for going on six years. After a year of being together, she wanted to have a child. She's always played aunt or stepmom or whatnot. And she wanted to have a child of her own.

Well, we're 12 years apart. She's older. And she was like, you know, she wouldn't have a child, IVF. She had her eggs on ice. She already had them injected. They were five days old and whatnot. And she basically gave me an ultimatum that if I didn't have, if I didn't carry the kid, that we weren't going to be together. But she was like, if I'm going to do it on my own, I might as well be on my own. So I did it. Well, in a same-sex relationship, they have to consent to being a surrogate in the eyes of the law.

I basically signed a document stating that I didn't have rights to the child or anything like that. Damn. I signed the document and she was like, you know, after we have it, then, you know, we can, you know, we can establish rights and whatnot. See how it goes. Because again, we'd only been together for a year. We were the typical U-Haul now. Definitely were. Met each other for seven months. Like, she had somebody, but they had had sex for two years, all that good stuff. Like, they were basically roommates.

Like, when she told her about me, me and my girl had the house for a week. The other girl had the house for the next week, and we were rotating until the house sold. So, like, she wasn't lying. So from then on, during those seven months, we were just friends talking. I liked her.

I didn't make any advances. I didn't disrespect the relationship or anything. I didn't know what it was until we got to talking more and she finally told me how it was and I shot my shot and I hit nothing but net. So, moved in with each other in an apartment and eventually here we are. We have a house and we have the kids well.

What the fuck?

rights to the house she doesn't have a will she doesn't have a power of attorney there's no trust revocable or irrevocable set up anything i was like you don't have to marry me but there's going to be some type of security that i want there we have been together almost six years i have a ring but she didn't propose or anything she was just like here and she only gave it to me because i told her i get you a physical gift why didn't i get one so it was a basic

a guilty conscious birthday gift. But we aren't married. There's no legal documents in place to where if anything happens, I'll get the child or anything else or like the house, her business. Like we have like three businesses set up. We don't get anything. And I helped you build this. I'm not a gold digger. You know what I'm saying? We both work. We have our own money.

helped you build what you have. I'm the reason we were able to put six figures down on the house because while I was carrying, we're both truck drivers, while I was carrying, she was able to be the owner-operator and made four figures a week. So come time to get

You know what I'm saying? She was able to put down a six-figure down payment. And she's like, oh, well, you should pay me back half. I'm like, bitch, I carried this child. And I was out of work because I couldn't find a place that would work with daycare schedule hours. So I was out of work and I couldn't do any of that. So I carried, was out of work while you made all this money and you think I still have to pay you back half?

to go on anything. I'm the reason why we got all of this shit. Part of it. Yeah, yeah. So it's just pissing me off that we're not married. There's no legal documentation. I have no security on our relationship. It hasn't been that great because now I'm working away from her. Back over the road and she's home locally. She has an extra truck, but I got a ticket. I gotta wait for that to fall off. So I'm out here in the oil field until then. But still, it makes

And that

It's for an apartment. I said, I'm not going to be paying on a house or daycare that my name is not attached to. Yes, I'm still there for the day and I still get them things and I see them. You know, we still do all that, but I'm like, I'm not paying for daycare, mortgage or anything that my name is not attached to. Now, we got an apartment and it's been four months now and I told myself I'm going to give it to the Italy's if she has not done any work.

trying to say that I'm going to leave. I'm not confident in my answer but that's what I'm leaning towards because it's showing me that my concerns and my security does not matter to her. I've got one foot out and you still haven't done anything so

I don't know. Do I have my answer? Yes. Did I get my answer? What do you think? Well, you got a couple questions. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals. Those are quite exciting. They're the kind of deals that are worth talking about. Like their deal on the Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6.

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you know it was over she didn't want to marry her I said well first of all I'm not waiting 15 years let's get that understood you know I'm not her you're not my exes you know and I gave it time I think six years is long enough I stuck around even when I didn't have rights I'm just I was there for over a year paying on a house that I was not that my name was not on

You know, I've helped you build the business because she does the paperwork of it. I do the hiring, the placement of the trucks. Heck, I even helped sell one of her trucks. You know what I'm saying? Like, the business is in your name. You said I was partner.

My name is not on that LLC. It is not in that order of the corporation. I have my own business. I know exactly how that shit is. And I'm not on it. So don't just tell me I'm a partner and don't make it official. I don't care that you have the paperwork sitting on your computer. I don't care that you have an attorney that can draw up the paperwork of, you know, the kids and the will and the trust. You ain't done it yet. Right, right. And she also wrote this part, her girlfriend.

And she is the femme. And when she initially told me, she was like, you know, there's been too many times where the femmes had came with kids and the stud got close to the kids and then they take them away or play them as pawns and stuff like that. So she said she always wanted to be in a situation where no one could take the kid from her. So, I mean, I understand, understood her point of view on that. But...

I've done put my time in. That was when we were together for a year. Yeah. It's going on six. So I think I've done more than prove that I wouldn't and am not one of those. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Well, that was loaded. I'm going to tell you that. That was a lot. It sounded like you was driving a damn truck too. I'm like, how the hell are you going to be sending me a damn voice note? And where's the headset to cancel out the noise in the back, girl? Girl, you're

No, it's all good. I heard you though. I heard everything you said. I heard you loud and clear. And all jokes aside, I want to say congratulations to both you and her just dominating that industry. You know what I'm saying? Like I love to see women doing things that they say, you know, the naysayers say only men can do and only men can thrive and only men can dominate. I love that. My boyfriend is a truck driver. I love that.

love it. I love it. And when I go with him or, you know, I see him, I talk to him and I will go meet up with him, bring him lunch, stuff like that. I see women parking their trucks on the lots and stuff. And I just love, I love seeing that. So, but that ain't what we talking about right now. Girl.

First of all, what do you want? Do you want to be with her or do you only want rights to the child? You're not really specific on what you want me to help with. I can go off of everything that you told me and I can tell you what it looks like to me. It looks like

Both of you were damaged, her a lot more, in y'all past relationships before each other. And then I also, I feel like y'all both let that spill over into this relationship. And that's why y'all coming up on six years and there still have been just stagnant. You feel like y'all stopped a long time ago. Y'all just coasting. You moved out because you feel like your name should be on something. And I understand that. I feel like what it looks like to me, she has been wronged so many times in the past.

that she actually set herself up to where if y'all were ever to break up or you would ever leave her,

she can have everything still, you know, um, that may seem selfish. And in a lot of cases it is, it is, especially if what you're saying is definitely to be true. Yo, I helped you do this. You wouldn't even be here if it was, if it wasn't for me. And if I didn't have this, we worked together and, and that you calling me a partner and you want, you want me to do the work and all of that shit. But it's like, I don't have nothing to show for it. My name is not on the mortgage. I, you ain't, you telling her you ain't got to marry me. You is like, so

So you're kind of contradicting yourself, you know, a little bit. And then that's only because I don't think you even really know what you want. Do you want the kid or the little boy? Because you ain't really saying my son is like, it's not personal to you, you know, for a child that you had, you gave birth to for the sake of the relationship. You never said that you even gave birth to him or decided to do it because you wanted to do it. You know, you just was like, all right.

you know, I wasn't, you know, I wasn't, I love her or I wanted to make her happy or something like that. You know, a child is not, you know, some like, it's not something that you can make a decision based on whether or not you like somebody or, you know, based on laws of Texas. You know what I'm saying? That's a big step. Y'all have a child together. You know what I mean? And, and just, just in my opinion, it doesn't really seem as if

The child is as sacred to you as it is to her. You know, it just wasn't personal. That's not why you're writing me, though. I just want to hint that to you. If you talk to her, if you speak of the child to her as if you're, you know, like you're speaking about the child to me.

And she may feel a way like, well, damn, you that's all you did was give him birth. That's it. And you did that just for me. You didn't do that because you wanted a child with me, too, because you really wanted this family to work. And you really just enjoy being a mother and bringing life into this world. You did that for me, you know, just because you love me and I asked you to. And by law, blah, blah, blah. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.

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I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed G.T.

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Now, I'm with you. I agree that for all the work that you put in, yes, your name needs to be on something. If damn near not everything as co-owner or co-partner, whatever. You know what I'm saying? Y'all are not married. I want to really know why the hell did you sign the document in the first place? It can't be because you loved her. It can't because how you talking to me now? No.

And you sound like you already knew all the red flags. You were hurt from your previous relationship. She was hurt from hers. And even how you said she's so used to her being a stud in these relationships and she gets attached to a child and they snatched a child away from her when they break up with her and stuff like that. I've seen situations like that. I've seen it and it hurts. It hurts like hell. I've actually read stories for Just Fix My Mess like that.

You know, that shit hurts, you know, especially these women who build these bonds with these babies and these kids and men too, you know. And then you just snatch them out of their lives because y'all broke up. It's like, what do you do? What do you do? Although that is life, it's like still, what the hell can you do? Because you're not the child's real parent. In this case, you are. You are.

And that's why it's so weird to me. Like you can be in the state of Texas and you can give birth to a child but not have rights to it? That doesn't make any fucking sense at all. However, I'm not the lawmaker. You knew that shit though. Sounds like you knew exactly what you were signing.

I don't know. Your girlfriend does not. Well, yeah, I don't know if she's your ex. I don't know. It's like, what do you want? It's like in one breath, you said you had put a deadline on it. If I'm in a relationship five years, you got to marry me. Y'all coming up on six, but y'all going through some shit right now. You moved out.

Do you still want to even be in a marriage or you just want to be an equal mom and equal parent to your child, to your son? Tell me exactly what it is. You're leaving stuff out, you know. But trust me, I know it's not hard. Marriage is not hard. A relationship, playing house, shacking up, like you said, is I mean, it's hard. It's hard. I know it is. It's not easy.

But also communication. That's why you communicate. That's why you sit down and you talk things through instead of getting upset and just leaving and shit like that. Because you said she still want to shack up. So she still wants you, obviously. But you want more of the business. You want your name on things. You want to be able to...

It's like you said you see the child. So I don't think the child is a problem. You just you want rights to the child. OK, you want rights to the child. You want your name on the deed of the house. And then you want to be named in the company. You know, you want your name on the company. It's her company. She keeps telling you partner, but she you know, you don't have nothing to show for it. You helped her do this and you helped to do that. That's where she's wrong at.

You know what I'm saying? I understand her protecting herself and shit and ownership may be like everything to her, giving her pass and shit, but it's not fair to you. Y'all have to meet each other in the middle with that shit. Y'all have to meet each other in the middle.

How old is the baby boy? And does he still act? Does he ask for you? Does he come and stay at your house? Do you just go to see him? Do you pick him up and go with you and take him with you and y'all be alone? Or like, what is it? Why is there a disconnect with your child?

You said you had one kid before her and the way you speak, you know, you said, I still get the kids out. Like, you know, so does your oldest go with her as well? How many kids is it in total? What do you want? I'm going to need a real update from you, woman, because I don't think you even know. You know, I think you're just upset. Well, I know what you want. I don't know what your end goal is. Like, do you want to not be with her? Do you want to live in the house again?

But the only thing that's stopping you from being a family with her is the fact that she hasn't married you yet and the fact that you want your name on some shit. If I'm right...

If I'm right, you got to update me and let me know because I'm just trying to figure it out. Although the story, story, it is, it's very interesting and it's something that I would love to pick apart, but I need more clarity on it. I actually don't even need more clarity. I just need to know what you want to do to give you advice. I can tell you how to move forward.

If you don't want to be with her, you're doing the right thing. You're doing the right thing. Everything you're doing is right. It sounds like you're still at work. You're still working. And you said she drives locally. You know, she's handling daycare and all that type of stuff. Okay. All right. You are more so out of town, out of state, you know, doing your thing, driving like, you know, that's how my boyfriend does it. So I know y'all make a lot more bread when y'all drive out of town, you

versus locally. I know that. So you'll be fine. You can start over. If that's what you're going to do, you start over. But you have to realize that is your child too. So you're going to have to have that bond and figure out a way where y'all can just co-parent if that's what you want to do. Because you're already approaching the six-year mark and you said if you ain't married after five, it's done. But I still also hear that you're hesitant in your voice. You said you're not even confident in your answer. So you need to figure out

What you want to do, you need to figure that out. Only you can figure that out. She can't figure it out for you and she can't help you figure that out. You need to figure it out. And this is the perfect time to figure it out because you're now moved out four months in. So when you sit by yourself and you're not...

with the person and that has to, and they're not clouding your, you know, crowding your space. You can actually get a clear mind, you know, a clear way of thinking, you know, like, okay, let me think peacefully. What do I want? Do I want this for the rest? You know, do I want this now moving forward? Do I not want this? Is it worth throwing it away? You got to ask yourself those questions, you know, really getting your own head.

And then you let me know, you check back in with me and I'll give you whatever else I can give you, babe. All right. Thank you for writing me and even let me know this problem. Now, I'm not always on the person's side who writes me, but I'm not always supposed to be. I'm all in fairness. You know what I mean? And I think both of y'all just got to

sit down and talk about some shit more than one time. It's going to get heated. It's going to get heated. One conversation is not going to solve it. You know, y'all already too deep in. It's a lot of damage that was done. It's the way you look at her now is not the way you looked at her before. And I totally get that. But y'all gotta, y'all gotta come to an understanding because this is important. So hit me up and update me. And just like that, we've come to the end of yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious.

Fixing your mess. That's what I do each and every Wednesday. Catch me here and listen on your way to work. Listen on your way to the gym. Listen on your way to take those babies to daycare. Anywhere you find your podcast. I'm there. Catherly Reckless. And in my deepest pan, boys. Peace.

I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Corinaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.

The power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys. Offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof,

and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo.

Most deals are barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6 featuring FlexCam with Galaxy AI. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone any year, any condition. It's a deal so good you'll be...

from the rooftop. So, grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T. AT&T, connecting changes everything. Requires trade-in of Galaxy S, Note, or Z series smartphone. Limited time offer. 256GB for $0. Additional fees, terms, and restrictions apply. See att.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details. Music

The fall is creeping up on us, but we don't have to give in just yet because summer doesn't stop in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. You can still get out and enjoy 60 miles of beaches, eat in the South's newest foodie haven with over 2,000 restaurants, and have endless fun at hundreds of attractions. Hold on to that sweet summer feeling a little longer at the beach. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Plan your trip at visitmyrtlebeach.com. That's visitmyrtlebeach.com.

MITRE is investing in a massive AI supercomputer to power a new federal AI sandbox. With AI's potential to drive transformational advances across industries, MITRE's expertise in healthcare, cybersecurity, transportation, finance, climate, and national security will be critical. Transform your career while helping solve problems for a safer world. Visit MITRE.org slash careers. That's M-I-T-R-E dot org slash careers.