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Welcome to Carefully Reckless, a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. And just like that, we back on the air. Welcome back to another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. Now listen, two things happened to me in the past week that I need to talk to y'all about. All right, grab your tea, grab your halls. It's story time.
Okay, so me and my homegirl, we're at a restaurant, okay? And it's five star. It's really nice. It's a couple sitting across from us. Now, this is like a dating scene or whatever. Or if you want to just get dressed up and go out, have fun with your homegirls, take some drinks and shit. This is the place to get dressed up for.
Like I said, five-star restaurant. The ambiance is beautiful. Nothing less than ballroom, okay? Back to the couple across from us. Now we see them. They're into each other. They're like loving on each other. He's complimenting her and we're nosy, so we hear this. She's complimenting him back. They're cute. I love it. Little cute, beautiful black couple. Now she had on a beautiful gown. It wasn't like, you know, giving Taylor Swift like stupid gowns. It was giving like
Oh, I'm a bad bitch. It was giving like adult prom. Like it was very cute though. It was very cute. He had on his nice little fitted suit. It was cute without the blazer though. It wasn't like giving church like, but it was giving like very Kirk Franklin-ish. Now, if y'all know anything about Kirk Franklin, y'all know that man can dress his ass off. I love it. So he had his nice little waves and she had her cute little weave. They were cute.
He gets up, he goes to the bathroom. Now I'm a very complimentative woman. I compliment any woman that looks good. Even if she don't, it's nothing wrong with uplifting somebody. Even if you see a girl and maybe she ain't in tip top shape, tell her she's in tip top shape.
Give her some motivation to go get in tip top shape. You know what I'm saying? Whatever. I go over to her. I tell her, you look so fucking cute. You and your date look great as a whole, blah, blah, blah. She's like, thank you so much. She's like, you're Jess. I'm like, no, I'm Samantha. She's like, you're lying. I'm like, okay, it's me. It's Jess. And so I walk away or whatever. I tell her she looks cute. He comes back. They exchange a few words. He never sat down. This man got on his knee and he pulled a ring off.
Out of his little man purse. Now, yes, he did have a man purse. He did not walk in there with it, like carrying it, you know what I'm saying? Over his shoulder, because that would look like tragically stupid. But he had a man purse. He pulled a ring box out of his man purse, right? Got on his knee. I'm talking about he bent up that slippery Earl. Now, if you don't know what a slippery Earl is, you ain't black.
It's a church shoe, but his was cute. It was like a cute little Dolce and Gabbana church shoe. He was very, very cute. He proposed to this beautiful girl. Me and my homegirl was so fucking happy. I'm talking about we were screaming like, we was telling other tables, alerting them like, look, y'all look, pay attention, y'all. He about to propose to her. This is beautiful. So now the whole fucking restaurant just about is looking at them and he goes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Will you marry me?
I said, oh my God. Bitch, I like to just die. I pulled out my phone. We recorded. Everybody recorded and shit. And she said no. Yeah. She said no to my mans. And everybody immediately, immediately stopped recording. It was not a moment for that. And it was very sad, I'm going to say, because the whole restaurant got quiet. It was like...
silence, not even a fucking cricket was present. It was even more awkward than if a cricket would be present there. So I just started clapping. I was like, well, great. Maybe y'all are not ready. And he turned around and he noticed who I was. And he was like,
even more embarrassed because he had saw me recording and I was like, I will never post this. I will never hurt your feelings or put y'all business out there like that. But here I am today talking about it on the podcast, which I think is more respectful than posting a fucking video with, uh, with a guy proposing and a girl saying no. Now listen,
That's that story time. All right. I got another story I'm gonna get to later, but this is what I want to talk to y'all about. That brings me to my question. Is it a deal breaker? Is the relationship over when the girl says no or even the guy? But in this case, when the girl says no, is the relationship over?
I don't think it should be for quite a few reasons. Now y'all gonna ask me why I know this. Listen, I told you they were all over each other. They were like loving on each other. Usually these days you go out and you see people on dates, but they're in their phones. They're not looking at each other. They're not playing footsies. They're not touching one another anymore. They're not looking into each other's eyes. They were doing all of that. Do you understand what I'm saying? They were still a beautiful couple and I can tell that they have a lot of love for each other. Now I don't know them. I don't know her. Don't know him from Adam and Eve.
But I can tell they share a lot of love and a lot of similarities. However, they're not on the same page or she wouldn't have said no. That does not mean she does not want to be with him. She even cried. She shed a tear. She did. But that is a woman who was sure of herself that she's not ready to take that step to get married.
If I had more time and if I had known her, I would have asked her, well, why did you say no? Is it because he's not ready? You feel like he has more growing up to do or you guys are not on the same page? Is there something that he just did? Is he just proposing to make shit right because he just cheated? I don't know. And I couldn't assume. But what I'm going to say is the level of...
attention that they were giving each other, it doesn't lead me to believe that they were over after that night. She just wasn't ready to get married or maybe she wasn't ready to marry him because she didn't think he was ready. There could have been so many reasons why she didn't say yes. Maybe marriage is not in her future. A lot of people feel like they don't need to be married. A lot of people may feel like they don't need
that contractual agreement because marriage is a contract. Yes, it is. It's something very sacred and it's beyond contracts, but legally it's an agreement and you're binded to a person. And a lot of people feel that that's not necessary to be together. You know what I'm saying? So she could have thought that way, but she could be cheating. Let's just say that she, she just, she could know she ain't shit and didn't want to take this man's hand in marriage because she still got some working on herself to do.
Also, it could be him. It could be he is just not ready. Now, listen, it takes a lot for a guy to get down on his knee and propose. It really does. So I'm not going to say he wasn't ready. I can't say that. Maybe he's not ready to her. There are so many factors, so many. And when she shed that tear, she did tell him that she was sorry. And she took his hand and she told him to get up, you know, pulled him up and she kissed him and she hugged him.
He was pissed off as a motherfucker. Let me tell you. He turned around when he saw me. He was like, yo, like he looks so defeated. Like, please don't post that. I'm like, I promise, sir, I will not.
I will not. But y'all look so good. And I want to tell y'all whatever y'all path is, y'all build that shit together. Keep it straight. Nobody can take her away from you. I don't even know that. And can't nobody take you away from her? I don't know. You know what I'm saying? But those are my positive words to them. And they left. I don't even think he paid the fucking bill. He was so embarrassed. I say, shit, I should have paid it for him. But brings me to my next question. And the carefully reckless discussion.
when is the right time to ask someone to marry you? When is the right time to propose? Now, I know a lot of people go back and forth in their minds or whatever. I don't think you should propose if you've never heard your partner talk about marriage.
Some people just don't have it in their future. Some people are just not there yet. Some people just don't even think of it. And this looked like a fairly young couple. Not saying it's bad to get married young. In some instances, it very well is. But they looked younger than me. I'm 29, you know, and I'm a hard 29 bitch. Sometimes I look 30. Sometimes I look 22.
Very seldomly do I look 22, but bitch, so what? They look like they were like 23, 24, but they carried themselves very, very maturely. I don't think there's ever a right time. I just think you just have to know. There is going to be a thought in your mind, something that comes over you where you just know it's a feeling.
You know what I'm saying? It's like a static that goes through you. Has to be. It has to be. Nobody is just going out buying rings and getting on their knees and proposing to bitches. Nobody's just doing that. He loved that girl, period. Right. And if this has happened to you, take into consideration in real time, there are issues that won't allow someone to say yes.
But does that mean a relationship is over? No, no. And then listen, you have to understand a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not saying everybody, but some people do. Like, and I spoke about this briefly on another podcast episode. Like, I think it was like the fourth or fifth episode. I said, you know, people...
People, they get married for the look of it. You know what I'm saying? They get married because it's tradition or I just want to be a wife. People love that label as a wife. You know what I'm saying? When you haven't even learned yourself as an individual, but you're going to jump into a marriage that could have been that girl's preservation. That could have been her like, you know what?
No, I don't even know myself. And when I say that you don't know yourself, you have to know yourself in and out before you are willing to walk down the aisle and become one with someone else. Because if you know yourself, you know what you won't take. And then you have to know the other person because you'll know what they won't take. It's a very, very big step. That's the biggest step in a relationship that I say that people take blindly. Look at Erica and
in Safari. I believe that they loved the hype. I believe she loved the hype of being married. She's always wanted it. She's beautiful. He's a beautiful guy too. Very beautiful personality. What have you, you know what I'm saying? But they hate each other. Now they have two children or that's at least what they want us to believe, whether it's fake or not. Cause you never know what's real anymore, but they can't stand each other on the show online. And I don't know,
I don't know what happens behind closed doors, but what they show us is they can't stand each other. Two nights ago, Erica Minnis ass was with fucking Natalie Nunn at a fucking lounge talking about I'm single, throwing middle fingers up, whatever, whatever. You still got two kids with this man, Goofy.
You still got two kids with this man. You can live. Yes, you can. You can live. Because they were in the comments like, oh, she's speaking from a hurt place. And she gets upset when we tell her the truth. I think the only time she's ever accepted the truth was from Wendy Williams. But she hates that. And I love Erica. I do. But I just feel like she's trying so hard to show him that she can move on too. That it's reflecting on her poorly.
very poorly. She's going through it. And we know this, we know it, but baby, you going to be okay. You don't need to do all of that. You know what I'm saying? And she probably be like, bitch, mind your business. All right, whatever, bitch. No, you put it out there. So it's my business now. You know what I'm saying? But you don't want to end up like that. So at times you can't just say yes. And when everything doesn't properly align, you don't just say yes.
Now, should she have done it differently? You know what I'm saying? To save him the embarrassment. You know what I'm saying? Because that could scar him from ever doing that shit again. If they do make it, which I think they will. You know what I'm saying? Because they walked out holding hands still, you know, even though she led. He was very embarrassed. I could scream for him. But do you think she should have said yes in the restaurant and then got in the car or got it home? Like, look, babe, I said yes, but I don't want to do it.
You know, because a lot of people say yes to spare the guy's feelings. You know, a lot of people do that. Now, how would I have done it?
I would have done it the same way, depending on where we were. Now, if we were around like his family or like my family or, you know, at a party where, you know, he invited people that I know and all that shit, I would have definitely told him no in front of them just to save all the hype, just to save everybody's hopes getting up and shit. You know what I mean? Like, I definitely don't want to be the barrier of bad news, but I definitely don't want to say yes just to be nice.
And people are taking pictures. I told y'all we were recording that couple. If somebody records me, it's going up anyway. It's me. Shit. Why the fuck wouldn't he record? And they're going to be posting. And I say, no, that's going to be the first thing on all the blogs. That is not what I want to do. I would never want to embarrass my partner, my boyfriend, my man. I would never want to embarrass him like that. So I would definitely say, babe,
Not yet. Not yet. Or not yet. Not even no, just not yet. Even if I don't plan to ever marry him, I'm going to say not yet. That's still saving his feelings, but being as honest as you can without being disrespectful or being, you know, being mean about it or coming off mean. You can come off very mean and not even be aware of that. You understand?
So if this has ever, ever happened to you, make sure you hit me up in the DM or the email and tell me about a time because I want to help people through this shit. There's no just fix my mess today. I want to help y'all privately. I don't want to try to help y'all on the podcast. You know what I'm saying? Y'all think I make fun of everything and I do, but I will gladly help. Like do not leave somebody just because they said no to your proposal. It could be so many reasons. Now listen, second thing that happened to me this week.
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State Farm believes that being better neighbors creates better communities and can have a long lasting impact. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. I'm dating. I'm dating this guy. He's the only one I'm dating at this point. It's still in the beginning stages, you know, and you know, we're months in and I,
I kind of irritated him a little bit just with my selfishness. And sometimes you don't know that you're being selfish, right? So he has his thing going on. I have my thing going on, right? He's forever supporting me. He knows my schedule before I even tell him. Like he knows where I'm going before I even tell him because he's involved. He is very hands-on with me. He pays attention to everything. He is...
a very attentive guy to me and I love it. However, it's not that way vice versa. You know what I'm saying? And I was just out of town recently. I had to shoot a movie in Houston produced by Jamie Foxx and Atari Turner. Congratulations to me. Yeah. Give me the applause y'all. Much more coming to the screen. Now,
I was on set all night, 13 to 14 hours, right? Back here at home, he had an event. Now he is an event planner. That's what he does.
So I text him like 11 o'clock at night, like, hey, are you home? Just to see, because I hadn't heard from him, you know, in a couple of hours. I'm like, okay, hey, you home? You good? Because he had checked on me. And then I noticed that he stopped texting me. So I'm like, hey, you home? Like you sleep? What's up? You know what I'm saying? Keeping tabs. Because that's just what you do. You keep tabs on your man when you, you know, when you do that. He FaceTimed me two hours later. And he's like, you didn't know where I was?
And I was like, no, I thought you were home. He was like, I had such and such to do. I had this. How did you not know that? And I was like, uh, I didn't know, baby. It's like, how could you not know? Like, it's like, I'm in your world. I'm only in your world. You have no regard for what I do. It's like, you don't care about what I'm doing, but yeah.
I always care about what you do. I always ask you, oh, how was your show? I always tell you before your show, you better go kill it. I know where you're going to be. I know what's going on with your schedule. I know everything.
everything about your schedule and what you do, but you don't know shit. You can't keep up with nothing that I do. And it's like, you don't care. You have no fucking regard. And I was like, for a second, who the fuck you talking to? But then I had to realize, I'm like, this is very, very true. And sometimes you have to take a step back and you look and you have to see how selfish you are. I'm so spoiled.
And yes, I can be very selfish. I'm a very, very good person, sweetheart. But one thing I do notice, and he brought it to my attention, I go the extra mile for you. You don't do that for me.
I'm in your world. So you have to kind of collide worlds. You have to kind of like look at it as give and take and 50 50. I want how am I going to expect this man to love and support everything I do when I don't even take the time to. And it can literally take me 10 seconds to learn his schedule or to, you know, he he does this shit all the time. So it's like, yo, I should know this stuff. You know what I'm saying? Especially if you're seriously dating somebody. Now, if you're not
Fuck what they do. You know what I'm saying? If you just get in the dick and you just, you know, bit by boom real quick and yeah, bye bye, capisce. But serious dating, yes, you have to be just as attentive to your partner as you want him to be to you. And that goes for the guys as well. And after that conversation, we were able to move on. He didn't hold a grudge. He even said a little joke because I was in the chair getting my makeup done before I actually went to film on set, film my scene. He's very understanding. So
So that brings me back to the first topic, marriage. Don't relate it to me right now. Yes, I want to get married, but that's not in my plans right now. Listen, right now I'm just dating. So shut up. You have to know someone inside and out. You have to learn how to be selfless. You have to make a lot of sacrifices and compromise to get to that point where you say yes wholeheartedly when you're being proposed to.
That goes for men and women. And I want y'all to take that with y'all if y'all didn't take anything else. You have to be mindful of the partner of who you are with, because if you jump into it, you're going to jump right out of it. You're going to wish you never did. And nobody wants to get married just to get divorced.
So it doesn't mean it's over if she says no. And it doesn't mean it's over if he says no. I love you guys because I know y'all love me. Tune in next Wednesday, every hump day. And in my deepest pain voice, peace.
Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed JT.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.
I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys. Offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof,
and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Most deals are barely worth mentioning.
But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone. Any year, any condition. It's a deal so good, you'll be shouting from the rooftops. So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T.
AT&T. Connecting changes everything. Requires trading of Galaxy S, Note, or Z series smartphone. Limited time offer. 256 gigabytes for $0. Additional fees, terms, and restrictions apply. See att.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.