Reckless Replay: Never Number One
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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. ♪♪

Are we on air? Yeah, we on air. Guess what, y'all? It's your girl, Jess Hilarious. And welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode with Emois. I will be fixing your mess. Now, we don't have any voice memos today. People starting to get caught up.

Because the people that they be hitting us about be listening, y'all. So people be getting snatched up left and right. Like I heard you telling just our business, thinking that she could fix our shit whole time. You know what I'm saying? I had some people write me, right?

and say, oh, my such and such had wrote you or sent you a voice memo, but they didn't tell you the whole story. And so now I got to tell you, but that person never sent it. That was only one person that did that. Then I had another person that said that their husband had wrote me. It

It wasn't even a voice memo. They just knew their story and how their significant other typed. Damn. Ain't that some private eye detective shit? I know that's right. I know that's right. So I think that's why we haven't been getting a lot of voice memos. However, we're going to jump into this reading right here. Just please fix my mess. The backstory is so long. I don't even know where to start. But the short version is I've been this guy's mistress for about 10 years. God damn.

He has a girlfriend, pretty much his wife. No kids together, but they both have kids from different relationships. It's clear that he's never going to leave her. And I've always known that. Whatever, fine. No, the fuck it's not whatever, fine, girl. I like him and maybe even love him so much that I'm willing to be his ride-or-die mistress. There's so many things wrong with that. Ride-or-die mistress. It's bad enough that you already a mistress. Then you his ride-or-die?

When the fuck are we going to stop making ourselves this available and this accessible to a man, ride or die? No, I don't even care that it's just a saying. Words hold power. And I honestly hate that. I've never used that term for myself, not as a teenager, not as a woman in my 20s, and now I'm in my 30s. I don't think I ever wanted to be a nigga's ride or die. I'm telling you. All right, I'm continuing.

So she says, I'm so crazy about him. I even moved into the same building as him, which his girlfriend also lives in with him. I mean, well, duh. I literally live over top of him. So lately he's been busy at work and has not been giving me any attention, which is off to me because he always makes time for me. Paranoia got the best of me and thoughts of him possibly seeing someone else came to mind.

Well, how many other people he got time to see if he lived with his girlfriend and his other girlfriend live over top of them? What the fuck? Maybe he might be seeing someone else. Uh, baby girl, he might be seeing his girlfriend. That's what the fuck happened. And she may have found out about your little ass. And so he need to take the attention off of y'all real quick. Cause shit getting hot. You don't understand. Now, if it is somebody else, what, what are you going to do? What does that make you? Number two or number three?

What does that, I mean, you're not number one. Now listen, you don't have a problem with that. Be that as it may, I'm here to tell you that's some bullshit. That's wrong. I don't know how old you are. I don't know what you're doing in your life right now. But I mean, I can't even say that you're a young woman. I know you've given 10 years of a one-sided relationship to a man. And the reason why I say it's one-sided because I bet he's your only one, but you're not his only one. And you don't...

I hate to talk to other women like this, but wake your ass up. Do you know you're so valuable? You're so beautiful. You deserve to be the only woman a man is with. Do you not know that? You know what I'm saying? I need you to wake up here. I would love to know how old you are. I would love for you to write me some more and give me some more information about you because baby, I feel very, very sorry.

Actually, I am very, very upset with you. I don't feel sorry for you though.

Because you willingly gave this nigga 10 years of your life. You willingly did that. I hope you ain't in your 40s. I hope you ain't in your 30s, baby. I hope you're not older than 25. That's what I really, really fucking hope. And I hope this ain't some old ass man who got money. Because I hear this story all too often. Baby, you can go get your own money or you can go get you somebody your age with some motherfucking money or you know what I'm saying? And it's so many, so many opportunities of love for you in life.

And you and you're sharing, willingly sharing a man with one, maybe two other women. That's some crazy shit. You live in all y'all live in the same building. Wouldn't Natara, Peter and Amina going to fuck on? What is going on? I know you better not get pregnant. And I know you better not ever think about knocking on a motherfucking door. Because guess what? Who ain't going to leave her? OK, she lived with the nigga. She the closest to the nigga than you. You still live by yourself. So there's still hope.

Because he ain't living with you. You need to move out that goddamn building, I tell you that. But I'm also tell you this. I guarantee you, if you leave this man alone, he'll come crawling. He'll come crawling. And you got to be strong enough to say no. See, he's used to you chasing and chasing and chasing and chasing. That's why he put you on the back burner for whenever it's convenient for him to talk to you, for him to deal with you. 10 years. Girl, please, leave that motherfucker alone.

And still stay in the same building if you can't just up and leave. I say still stay in the building. But start dealing with somebody else. Start having another nigga come over there. Girl, the fuck? Get your mind off that shit. That man is downstairs not worrying about you one bit until he sees you. Until he lays his eyes on you.

And he's probably scared to death every fucking night that you're going to knock on the fucking door. You know what I'm saying? But that ain't going to do shit. It ain't going to do shit. She probably she probably will be mad at him, but she ain't going to go nowhere. You just told me he ain't ever leaving her. You think she leaving him? And do you think you the first person that he cheated with? She probably already know he cheated. You know what I'm saying? Or he's cheating. So you got to be smarter than her. You got to be smarter than him.

Get the fuck up out of that situation. Update me. Give me some more meat on the bones. Let me know what you end up coming up with, girl. Let me know what you come up with. I can't believe that. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories that will last a lifetime. So whether it's family and friends you haven't seen in a while or those who you see all the time, share holiday magic this season with an ice cold Coca-Cola.

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Moving on. Hi there, Jess. Please fix my mess. I took a break from dating and I decided to cut my family completely off the beginning of this year. I realized that I was carrying this childhood trauma for 20 years and put it past me when I cut my family off. Mm.

I finally came to terms that my mom will never sincerely apologize for choosing a sick man over her daughter and my siblings picking sides. Lately, I've been smiling a lot more social and the word no has become my favorite word to say. I know what that felt like, boo. I am in full control of not letting anybody disturb my peace. I know that's right. The minute I recognize a red flag, that person is getting dropped with no more warnings.

Now, I am ready to start dating, but I feel like I won't be taken seriously since I am not close with my family. Do you think a man will still want a relationship with me if the chances of meeting my family is very slim? Thanks in advance. All right. Well, baby girl, it all depends on how bad your family issues.

has affected you? Like how have they affected you? It seems like it's a lot of family trauma there because if you had to cut your family completely off,

Maybe that it was very unhealthy for you and mentally unhealthy for you as well, because you're not supposed to surround yourself with anything but positivity and love. Even if there is hardly any around you, you have to create that space for you to feel safe and to have a peace of mind. If your family was interfering with that or contributing to the wrong side of it and or even to your well-being, then I am all for your decision. But.

Family is family. You know what I'm saying? So I'm never vouching for you to completely cut them off forever. You know what I mean? Sometimes things just, you just have to, y'all have to get to the bottom of things. And you know, you did mention that you will never, you feel like you'll never get an apology from your mother.

Is therapy something that you guys talked about? Do you not want to do therapy? Are you not ready? You know, a lot of people force therapy on people and people just have to go when they feel the time is right for them. Because a lot of people still don't understand what therapy really is and how it can actually help you more than hurt you. You know what I'm saying? Or more than exposing yourself. You really may just...

May just needed somebody to talk to, to hear you out and to sort things out for you. That's what therapy is. Help you cope. You know what I'm saying? Not in a negative way. Now, yes, I do. To answer your question, yes. I certainly do believe that you can still find love with a good man who you can explain this to. A man with an open mind. A man who is going to be patient enough for you to...

explain this shit finally, whenever you get the chance, you know, you don't just let anybody into your business. That's something that you, you just don't go around saying, Oh, I cut my family off because of the, the, the, the, the, and, and because this happened and that happened, I don't want them to drive you away and they make me different. And I don't want to drive you away because of something my family is making me feel and how they're making me act. And, you know, I act a certain way because I'm not comfortable around them or that, you know,

All of that stuff can be talked about because it's not really solely about your family when you're dating.

Unless you are a person of tradition where you want to get married, you want to bring them home to mom and pop. You want to, you know, I don't know if you have siblings, but you know, you want to bring them around your grandparents. You want your man to meet your cousins and, you know, your uncle and your aunts and stuff like that. If you are a person of tradition, family tradition, more specifically, I do understand. I understand that. But yes, yeah, just understand when you date, you don't date for your family.

Okay. And in this story and the fact that you asked me that tells me that you must have feel that you lost a relationship due to your family problems. You must have gone through something with a family, with family and a boyfriend. Okay.

or something like that. But yes, baby, all hope is not lost for you because you're taking a break away from your family. You know what I mean? Now you said completely off, you cut them completely off, but I'm just going to say a break. We all need each other, girl. The world is so fucking nuts and crazy right now. You have to at least give grace to loved ones,

I'm not saying be stupid and let anybody do anything to you. I'm not saying you should willingly take disrespect. No, but just give them grace enough because people do change. And it starts with them noticing that there was a problem that they could have created. You know, the first part is accountability on both ends. So,

Yes. Yes. Because I felt like this was a two part story. You told me a lot that I want to help you fix with your family. And then you told me some with dating. But yes, I think you can. But you just update me and keep me in the loop and everything because we because I really want to see you go on a date, girl. And I see you going to date. That's kind of creepy. But I want to know that you will get out here. You know what I'm saying? There's nothing wrong with that.

Like I said, just make sure you keep all communication open, be honest. And if you get serious with somebody, then that's when you start thinking about sitting down with that person, telling them all of this information. And hopefully they will still love you for you. I don't see a reason why a man would get up and leave because you and your family ain't saying eye to eye, you fucking with me or you fucking with my family. You know what I mean? Although there is a bigger picture, yes, weddings and all that. But cross that bridge when y'all get there. You got to get past this first.

So yes, girl, keep me updated. Let me know. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories that will last a lifetime. So whether it's family and friends you haven't seen in a while or those who you see all the time, share holiday magic this season with an ice cold Coca-Cola. Copyright 2024, The Coca-Cola Company. ♪

The world is constantly changing. It's up to you to decide how to respond. Choose to be bold, to try something new. Choose to reinvent yourself. That's what Nissan did with the all-new Total Reimagined Kicks. The dynamic new exterior style immediately announces that Nissan isn't messing around.

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Drive the all-new reimagined Nissan Kicks today. Available feature. Bose is a registered trademark of the Bose Corporation. Nissan Safety Shield technologies can't prevent all collisions or warn in all situations. See owner's manual for important safety information.

- Hey fam, this is Carlos Miller from the 85 South Show. If you're like me, you're always thinking about how to level up your career. Maybe you're fresh out of college, just starting in your field or even looking to switch things up and find your true calling. Whatever stage you're in, remember that this is your time to grow, to learn and to build something that lasts.

State Farm understands that early career development is the key to long-term success. They've been a steady presence in our community, and they know having the right support early can make all the difference. State Farm is there to help you make smart moves and to help you get the coverage you need. We all know that the journey to success is a marathon, not a sprint.

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All right, last one. Jess, I need you to help me fix my mess. Shaking my motherfucking head. I have been in an on and off relationship with my baby daddy for the past 10 years. Everybody got this 10 word today. In those 10 years of long on and offs, he has also been with one of his baby mothers who he's been involved with for 15 plus years. Damn. We both have known about each other and dealt with it accordingly. Hmm.

Long story short, me and him went through a rough patch for about a year where we wasn't involved with each other. No fucking, no chilling, just straight parenting. Not going to lie, in that time, I did the most. I mean, hey, I was single. I didn't know how to act. And I was heartbroken and did things I wasn't proud of.

Ho, well. I see what you did there. She said, ho, well. Okay, so you went and lived your life, okay? You was a little hot girl real quick. I understand. I get the translation. Well, fast forward. He got into some legal trouble with that same baby mother, and the first person he called was me, of course. And what did I do? Drop everything and ran to him. I mean, because at the end of the day, I still love this man. Fast forward to the present. He...

Hold up. Did she end the damn... Y'all, that's how she ended it. How you gonna get me all excited for the damn story and then stop right there? Damn, you... Oh my God, that's some bullshit. I think she did this shit on purpose. Because how the fuck... Well, I'm about to give you advice from...

Where you began the story until now, and then you can give me the second part because I'm damn sure I'm going to write you back and ask you what the fuck is he doing now in the present? Because you fast forward to the present and then say he and then stop. Like he caught you about to tell me his business or something and said, bitch, give me the phone. Shit. All right. So you've been on and off with your baby daddy for the past 10 years. All right. But he also been dealing with.

One of his other baby mothers who obviously their child is older. You said he'd been dealing with her for 15 plus years. I mean, I don't know if that if he had a baby with you before her, but you come second is basically what you're telling me. You've never been first is what you also are telling me because he's never left her alone. If it's been 15 years for her and 10 years for you, you was the other woman.

You know, and then she could still be the other woman as well. Sure. Because what if it's a bitch that y'all ain't find out about yet that he been around for 20? You know what I'm saying?

That you just never know. You said y'all went through a rough patch for about a year. Y'all ain't fuck. Y'all ain't do nothing but just co-parent. And you said that's when you did the most because you was heartbroken and all of that shit. And then you was basically out here on your sexy red shit. You know, you ain't say you was the raw dog queen, but you out here skiing is what you admitted. And it's all right. A lot of women have that phase in their lives. It could be before love, after love, all their lives. It don't matter. You know what I'm saying? So...

Something you did say that I did not like, I want women to stop fucking doing is reducing themselves. This reminds me of what I just said to the girl with the first story. This is, again, you diminishing yourself. You know, you are allowing a man to...

Have more than one woman. And what I mean by allowing him, because you can't make him choose you and only you. You know what I'm saying? He dealing with y'all for convenience. Like when it comes to his convenience, he probably beefing with the other baby mother. So that's why he fucking called you. Yeah, he beefing with her.

Shit. Yeah, of course he going to call you. And if he was beefing with you and he got into some legal trouble behind you, he would call her. Do you not see? Sister, sister, Tia and Tamara, do you not see? That's what y'all are in his eyes. Twin baby mamas because y'all both do the same shit for him. That's exactly what y'all are. And that's some bullshit. And sometimes it takes for me to repeat your mess back to you for you to fix it your damn self.

That's crazy. I know he a baby daddy and you gonna always have to deal with him being around and him being in your life because he is the father of your child or children. You know what I'm saying? However,

He's never going to choose only you. I don't care how many kids you lay down and have with him. He's not going to ever only choose you. You know why? Because you're never going to demand that. You don't demand that respect from him. You just sat here and told me that you and the other baby mother knew that he was dealing with both of y'all at the same time. Y'all just both accepted it and handled him accordingly.

That basically mean y'all went along with it. That's all. Probably gave him a little bit of lip and a little bit of tantrum and, you know, did whatever y'all thought was going to hurt his feelings. But baby, if y'all still at the end of the day laying down with him and still jumping when he say jump or doing things for him or sleeping with him when it's convenient or whatever, or when you know he's mad and beefing with the other one, that's when he over there with you. You know, it doesn't matter.

All three of y'all may as well be in a polyamorous relationship. You know, I know you're not attracted to her. I don't know, but I'm going to just say that. But that polyamorous thing was literally just me, you know, being sarcastic. But that's what that is. You already know. I mean, well, it's an open relationship, ain't it? Y'all just both still mad about each other. When you feel that he favors her more, you get upset. You just said you do the fucking most and you go out and you start hoeing.

You know what I mean? Common denominator is him. Get rid of him. Learn how to co-parent without co-fucking him. Learn how to co-parent without still being his doormat. Learn how to do that. A lot of women do this shit too often, you know, more often than not. I can't stand it. Know your fucking worth. And

And that's so cliche, but I'm never going to stop saying it to women because you need to know. If you don't know, do shit to increase and to promote self-love for yourself. You need to love yourself. I'm not saying you hate yourself, but you damn sure don't love yourself more than you love that man. I'm going to tell you that because you dropped everything and ran and he called you because he needed you because he needed you. That's probably the only time he call you when he needs you for something.

And yes, it feels good to be needed. It feels good until you need the same motherfucker that needed you. You understand what I'm saying? It feels good until a motherfucker keep needing you and you're not getting anything back. Not even love and honesty like that type of shit. You know what I'm saying? Loyalty, faithfulness, all of that shit. Compliments, back rubs. I'm talking about no judgment. He makes you feel good. It's only you and him we are together.

It's only about you. It's about you when y'all ain't together. That's what the fuck you want. That's what every woman want. I don't give a fuck who turns their head away and who driving in a car listening to this shit right now disagreeing with me. Every woman want that. I'm not a man, so I can't speak for them. But listen, every woman want that shit. Whether you want it from another woman or from a man or from a group of people, that's what the fuck you want. A group of people at one time. You know what I'm saying? Because everybody...

Like different shit. They got different preferences, but everybody wants to be loved. That's one thing we all have in common. Everybody wants to be loved. Okay. So I think you should pay attention to who you are. You know what I'm saying? Because another man could be making you the happiest woman that you've ever been. You know what I'm saying? And you could be making the right man, the happiest man that he's ever been.

So update me, girl. I need to know what the fast forward was looking like. I need to know what today is looking like so I can give you further advice if you come back. If you come back, because sometimes I fix somebody's mess and I gave it to them too blunt. And they'd be like, fuck Jess, I ain't talking back to her. But that's the risk that you run when you let me all in your business. I'm not in your business just to tell everybody what the fuck you're going through.

I'm literally here to help fix your mess. We just got listeners because I'm telling you, you ain't the only one going through what you sent me. So that's why we do this shit. That's why people listen. You know what I'm saying? But guess what? We've come to the end of this episode and I know y'all gonna be looking forward to the next week's one because that's when we'll be able to pick up where this last story left off. Okay? Okay. So in my deepest Pam voice, peace. Next week, y'all.

♪♪♪

Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories that will last a lifetime. So whether it's family and friends you haven't seen in a while, or those who you see all the time, share holiday magic this season with an ice cold Coca-Cola.

Copyright 2024, The Coca-Cola Company. Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour, and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy, like Otsuko Okatsuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Reif, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes,

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