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She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.
The power of attorney always bet on Jax. Reasonable Doubt, new episodes Thursdays, streaming only on Hulu. Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
Oh shit, we back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. I'ma jump straight in. Y'all already know Jess Fix My Mess is what I do best. So we have an update from someone whose story I previously read. And this was somebody who didn't give me enough clarity on their story. So I really couldn't help them much. But this is what she wrote. Hey Jess, truly appreciated your advice. Just wanted to follow up with you because you mentioned that I may have been holding some things back and not telling you the whole story.
So a few reasons why I'm hesitant about going back to this man. He's half white and Hispanic. So there is a disconnect culturally. His father, who's Hispanic, has mentioned his distaste for me due to his past experience with a black woman.
Also, he's mentioned to me his grandma is flat out racist. Damn. Number three, we've had disagreements about our spirituality. He's not a spiritual person or really finds the significance in fully giving your life to God. Not sure how he feels now. Number four, every time we'd have sex, I get either a yeast infection or BV. I've even went to the doctor about it and they said it's probably the yeast in the beer that he drinks.
Although I know now he's cut back on drinking. Am I tripping or are these things we can work through? Well, I'm not going to say you're tripping for trying to work through these things.
However, given these four things that you've listed, which are reasons that's been holding you back, you can get through some of it. Some of it, I don't feel like you can. So the fact that he's half white and Hispanic, so there's a disconnect culturally. That's something you can get through. There are interracial relationships every day. You know, there are interracial marriages, interracial friendships.
friendships and bonds and stuff like that. So that can be worked out for sure. You know, you just have to properly adapt to what his culture is as he has to do the same thing. He has to adapt to your culture as well. And y'all both have to respect each other's culture, no matter what, you know, although you two are very different, his culture is different from yours. Yours is very much different from his. Y'all have to still respect each other's culture.
You said that his father, who was Hispanic, has mentioned his distaste for you. He's had a Black woman before, and he had a bad experience with her. So he looks at all Black women the same. He has a certain distaste about you because of his past.
That's something I wouldn't be able to get past. This is just me speaking from my own personal belief. I don't think that I would be able to get past that. And then you also mentioned that his grandmother is just flat out racist. Okay. Well, his grandmother is not his mother, of course, or in his immediate family, which are, you know, just in his household, right?
I don't know, girl. I don't know. I'm not telling you what to do, but just keep an eye on that father. Keep an eye on him. Just analyze things very, very closely. If you feel any type of racism or prejudice toward you, you got to get the hell up out of here. Racism isn't cured. It can't be cured. It can be taught, but it can't be cured, especially with older people. I'm not saying that people don't change, but
But usually when you're that old, as old as his father and grandmother, you kind of already are stuck in your ways. And it's kind of hard for you to get out of things that you've been doing for a long time. You know, then you said we've had disagreements about our spirituality. OK, so he's not spiritual. OK, that's something that can totally be.
Fixable. Not saying that, oh, you can just make him believe in God or whatever. You know, you can adapt to that, though. You know, maybe for different reasons, he just doesn't believe in God because maybe he just doesn't have any experience in that area. You know, that is one thing that you can kind of work through. I, in my opinion, yes.
I've seen people turn their life around. I've seen people commit to religion after being atheist. I've seen it all. I've seen people commit to being atheist after being religious, you know, and spiritual and all that. So I've seen it both ways. So I know that that can change.
Is that a deal breaker for you? If he's not what you are, you didn't specify what you are. Are you? Oh, yeah. You say God. OK, so you're a Christian. If so, I do understand that as well. Then you said every time you have sex, you get either a yeast infection or BV. So that I would say, are you guys having sex unprotected? Because if it's from the beer that he drinks, that would mean that you're getting it from oral fellatio, if I'm correct. Yeah.
If it has anything to do with what he drinks, then you're getting this when he gives you head or would it be in his semen? I'm not sure. Either way, something ain't right. So start using those condoms, baby girl. All right. But you can make your decision based off of all those things. You have to sit down with yourself before you actually sit down with him and confront yourself and figure out what will you be able to handle? What will you be able to take?
As far as negotiating, you know, a relationship is like a contract. You have to put certain things in your contract and negotiate those things. And if some things aren't negotiable, then you just, you got to part ways. You know what I'm saying? If certain things are deal breakers and he can't come to your terms and you can't compromise a little and come to his terms and, you know, vice versa, then it just won't work either way. It's going to always be friction there. Okay. Moving on.
I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I met this man earlier this year through a mutual friend. I was told he's seen me and wanted to get to know me. So when we finally met, things started off casual. We both agreed to take things slow. We started spending a lot of time together. He eventually told me that he wants something more exclusive with me and that was perfectly fine with me because I felt the same way. Soon after we made it exclusive, he admitted to me that he lives with his children's mother. Ooh.
but they're not together, as he say. Through observation, I feel there is something more between them than what he says. He said she knows about me, but I don't believe it. He don't answer his phone for her while around me and vice versa.
He said he lives with her because he's planning on moving out the country next year. So it's pointless on getting him his own place, although he can afford to live on his own. I told him how I felt about the situation. He suggested that we move in together. I'm not trying to go from side girl to the main girl and she becomes his side girl. I suggested we meet, although he said he's going to introduce us since I do be around his three-year-old child.
My kid's father knows about him, but I feel like he's hiding our relationship from her. By the way, he has majority of the qualities I look for in a spouse. What should I do?
First of all, you should run for the motherfucking heels. No, I'm joking. Listen, that is an issue and you know it is and you keep telling yourself it is, but you can't get over the fact that you do like him a lot. You may even love him. You can't get over the fact that he has majority of all the qualities that you are looking for in a man.
And sometimes we overlook shit and we purposely stay blinded for that. We purposely be naive for shit like that, just to be loved, just to be in a relationship. I'm not saying he's not the one for you. No, I'm not. I'm not saying that he fucking, he got something going on with that baby mama. Okay. That's just what it is.
It could be a convenience thing as well. It could be that he just doesn't want to get his own place here, not because he's moving out the damn country. That's the sorriest fucking excuse I've ever heard. No, it's just that he probably don't like paying bills and she allows him to live there rent free.
Because that's how baby daddy and the baby's only three. Their child is only three. So that's kind of still new. If you get what I'm saying, I'm not really sure. I'm not saying I'm not sure what to tell you. I'm talking about I'm not sure what's going on with him and that baby mom. And it's kind of eating at my mind, too. So I can only imagine how it makes you feel. I need for you to fall back a little bit.
That's what you got to do for people like that, because what you're doing, you're making yourself comfortable in a situation which is making him more comfortable. And he keeps pushing back that date of moving out or moving out the country or sitting y'all down to talk to one another, to introduce you to her. And if that is the case, then, yeah, more than likely they are.
still dealing with each other. I'm not going to say that they're together, but they're dealing with each other. Now, she probably knows that he's dealing with someone, but she don't know that he got a girlfriend. Now, y'all are in a relationship only to you. I guarantee you. He's not telling this woman that he has a girlfriend. He's not calling you his girlfriend. She probably doing her. He probably doing him.
But that's still not right. You know, that's a toxic situation that you don't need to make yourself a part of. You don't continue to be a part of that. That's real, real baby girl. Because until he leaves her, you're sharing him. You two are sharing him and you don't know. You know, but you don't want to face it. That's what it is. She doesn't know how serious you two are. So again, like I said, you need to be real with yourself.
And just fall back from him and see what happens. Just fall back because he's too comfortable, baby. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals. Those are quite exciting. They're the kind of deals that are worth talking about, like their deal on the Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6.
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Moving on...
Anonymous question for Just Fix My Mess. I dated dudes for most of my adult life, 40 plus years now. You don't want to tell me how old he is. I ain't going to say your name, baby. However, I left the gay lifestyle alone and would like to now only date women. Do you think this is something I should tell about my past or not?
I did not want to be one of those down-low dudes since I would not want another male to do that to me or to any of the females in my family. Thanks for the feedback. Okay, so this guy has been living a gay lifestyle up until his 40s. And now he's realizing that he doesn't want to be gay anymore. He wants to just date women. Now, honestly, I'm going to give you my strong opinion.
I didn't think that was possible. And we have Andrew Caldwell to thank for that. But no, no, no, no. I'm just being for real. But that can possibly happen, obviously, because this guy is writing me telling me, listen, I want to only date women now. But I want to know why. Why the sudden change, sweetheart? Why do you now want to just date women? Not saying that it's not possible. I just didn't think that it was possible.
Do you not have those urges for, you know, your desire for men? Do you not look at them the same anymore? Do you feel like that you're just worn out? Not speaking, being funny or anything like that. Do you feel like you're worn out from just relationship after relationship and messing with these men or whatever, whatever. And you're just like, okay, I'm done. Just like men get worn out from women. Women get worn out from men. Women get worn out from other women. It's a lot of stress.
Do you just now want to try something different because dating men haven't worked for you successfully? You've never been able to settle down? Is that what's going on? Just let me know. Give me a little bit more clarity on it. But to answer your question, I do think when you do start dating women or if you already started it,
I do think in getting to know you, that is something that you should talk to them about, you know, and it could save you a lot of trouble down the line because what if, right?
Someone else tells this woman or they find out through someone else, and then she comes to you and she's all, she'll be frantic. That'll hurt her. That'll hurt you. I think all truths should come from the horse's mouth straight up. I should never find out anything about someone's
someone that I'm dating when they could have just told me. It's not going to be an easy conversation. No way. It's not going to be an easy conversation, but it would be easier for her to already know these things about you. And she can make her decision based off of what you told her. You know, you were upfront, you were straight up about it. Also a reason being you want to tell her because say one day you guys are out somewhere on a beach and
And you see men in their Speedos or something, you know, something going on or whatever. Because although you don't want to date men anymore, you're still going to be attracted to them. You know, you're never going to stop looking at men. It's just something that you're attracted to. A hot body, like another hot, fine brother. Shit. And what if you see him and she catches the way you look at him?
And so she's forming all these stories in her mind. You know how a woman's mind wander? Honey, it's going to wander. And her shit is going to get the ticking and clicking. And then she's going to ask you, it's going to blow up. And you don't want it to be a big ass chaotic mess. You just want to be upfront, straight up about it. Just let her know. I do wish you the best. Please check back in with me. Okay, moving on.
I am a 28 year old gay man and I am in a tough situation with my best friend and his ex. Okay. So about two years ago, I had a movie night at my place to go watch Beyonce Black is King music video movie. Listen now, what? Tell me this shit.
I invited a guy over who I just met the night before that I was interested in. He came over and him and my best friend hit it off and ended up dating for about a year. The boy I was interested in joined our friend group and we all spent so much time together. We went on trips and we went out on the weekends, the whole shebang.
He was one of the girls now. And while they were dating, no lines were crossed. I fell into my own relationship, which is now over. My best friend ended up breaking up with the guy as well. However, this guy was a part of the friend group still. So it was hard for all of us to let go. But we all did. And we just started seeing him in passing.
My best friend is now in love in another relationship and is happy in love with his new boyfriend. His ex and I have always had eyes for each other, though. Oh, Lord. But have never acted on it until we had a very hot moment while we both happened to be in a different city, completely unplanned. And it overcame us that we ended up hooking up in the bathroom like in the movies. Oh!
First of all, we both know we are not trying to date, but we are just physically and mentally attracted to each other. And we want to explore that. Just hooking up a friends with benefits situation. My best friend is not stupid and knows that we both have something going on. My best friend has told me he does not approve. So I have kept my distance from this guy. No, the fuck you have not.
But go on. This is not worth losing my friendship at all. But I also believe my best friend has a double standard. He lives a very sexually open life. And even in his current relationship, he is very open. I want to respect his feelings, but the connection his ex and I have is electric. You know, when you kiss somebody and the world disappears. Yeah, like that. I'm the one that believes in living life to the fullest and wants to explore this.
I am so conflicted. What should I do? P.S. Keep in mind, gay culture is different from the streets. So you might have to call in one of your gay friends for this. But I would love to hear what you have to say as well. Just fix my mess. First of all, I don't need no damn gay person to come in here and tell me nothing. So shut up, sit back and listen. Now, in the beginning, you did say that you did like this guy. You did say that you liked him, right? Okay. And you invited him over and he ended up having eyes for your best friend. They ended up hitting it off.
Right then and there, you were supposed to say something. I don't care. You weren't supposed to go behind your best friend and do this. I don't give a fuck. Gay, straight, culture, whatever. It's not good. And you said you kept your distance, but you did not, baby. You fucked them in the fucking bathroom. What the hell?
That ain't keeping your distance. That ain't even social distancing, nigga. What the fuck? We in the middle of a fucking pandemic. You fucking him in a bathroom and that's your best friend ex. You should have told him that. I don't care if your best friend is open with his relationships. It's open. You are not allowed to go behind your best friend and fuck with his ex.
This is something that should have been communicated. You should have said that movie night on that movie night. Look, bitch, I met him for me and y'all hitting it off and shit. You should have said that to him and the nigga. Look, what do you want? Because I thought that I got your number for me. I invited you over here to watch a movie with me and you ended up fucking my best friend. What's going on? Yeah, we're not doing it. OK, you need to check back in with me because I know you probably somewhere laid up with his ass right now. And yeah, so what? I said it.
Get your life right. Nobody playing with you. It's so many men's out here running around for you. And you just had to fuck with them after your best friend. They was together for a year, a year and a long time. But it's long enough to love someone and it's long enough to have a connection. And it's long enough to say to your best friend, look, bitch, this motherfucker, this was my boyfriend for 12 months. So I get how you feel.
But you lost your turn when you let them watch movies together and hit it off and date and all of that shit. It's time for something that's fucking electric. I get it. And no, I ain't never kissed no fucking bi in the world disappeared. Shit. I want to see this nigga now. But I do respect your honesty. I really, really do. However, you asked me my opinion and you asked me what you should do. I think you should leave that alone. Or you sit down and have another conversation with your best friend.
And backtrack. Backtrack and explain yourself. You need to. And you need to complain about that bathroom shit in another city. Talking about unplanned. Y'all knew where the fuck y'all was going. Shit.
But I love you and I'm going to end the episode on that note. Make sure you check back in, crazy kid. And just like that, we're done with Just Fix My Mess. You tune in every single Wednesday and I want you to tune in next Wednesday. Keep on tuning also to Reckless Discussions every 7 p.m. Catch episode number 29 tonight. Locked and loaded only on YouTube. More Just Fix My Mess next week. And in my deepest Pam voice, peace.
Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed JT.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not going.
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