Survivor's Guilt
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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. ♪♪

Oh shit, we back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. What I be doing? I be fixing mess and I be fixing it all the time. And now, not only on my podcast, which drops every Wednesday on the Black Effect podcast. Now, I don't gotta say all that. Anyway, I do it on Breakfast Club now every Thursday so y'all can call up. The number is 1-800-585-1051. DJ Envy's line. Hit it up. Ha ha.

So anyway, the first story, somebody sent me this long ass excerpt. This is this is longer than a passage. OK, this is like a chapter of a book. And y'all know pregnant Jess do not do all that reading. So please, I'm going to have one of my producers read for me and then I'll fix the mess. Hey, Jess, I need some on a relationship advice, as in how do you get rid of someone who just won't let a relationship go?

I'm completely over the father of my children. We've been together almost 10 years and I was completely in love with that man and thought he was my best friend and soulmate. It must have been the sex because I was completely digmatized.

He played me damn near the entire relationship, but I didn't find out until two years ago, and it's been a complete mess. I suspected him cheating and things fell off, but I never had proof or he made it seem like I was crazy. Two years ago, I was eight months pregnant and engaged to him. I picked up his pants and his phone fell out of his pocket. Unlocked.

It's like God was basically telling me to see the truth. What was in the phone was way more than I ever expected. And he was complete slut.

Even fucking around with women I knew and sending them money as gifts while not helping with the household. Damn! To make it worse, he messed with women at the apartment complex we've lived at. Even at our most recent place. I'm so over his lies and bullshit. Last year, I was ready to get my own place, but he guilt-tripped me and said it was best for the kids to stay together another year.

Well, this year has been hell. He's so toxic and still has drama with females coming to my door, tells me I'm making things up. I can't deal with this. So recently I got my own place without him knowing. The lease is almost up and I'm doing everything in my power to jumpstart this man into finding a place to live or even rehome him to another bitch for all I care.

But he refuses to accept it and still makes it seem like we are going to be together. His family refuses to help and even encourages him to stay with me. I don't even know what to do to get rid of this man because he literally needs me for everything, housing and transportation. Yes, he works but rarely helps with household bills.

I don't want the father of my kids on the street and he still needs to watch the kids while I work. But I also don't want him laid up in my new apartment thinking he can stay there. We don't have family that can help with the kids, so it's just us taking care of them. So we are basically stuck with each other. Any advice on rehoming my baby daddy? And so don't fill in the blanks that you are not having sex at all and there's no chance of ever getting back together.

This bagel was everything, y'all. Listen, I have an everything. Before I jump into our story, I got an everything bagel for the first time. So it's going to have my breath like real oniony. But the cream cheese and it's toasted with extra butter. Baby, thank you. That's all I got to say. Now.

I do not like calling my beautiful black woman clowns, but baby, I'd be lying if I said you wasn't lying. You are a clown. And sometimes we have to tell each other this so we can pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and try again. Why are you worried about a man who don't give a damn about your feelings at the end of the day?

Being put out on the damn street. Oh, because he's the father of my children. He didn't give a fuck that you was the mother of his kids when he was cheating on your ass for the past 10 years, which you just found out about two years ago. All because his phone slipped out the pocket and you washing his clothes. What? I believe if he ain't putting his hands on you, if he ain't got no guns to your head, if he is not holding your children hostage, if he...

ain't doing none of this girl you can leave his ass let him be on the fucking streets now listen what he may do is go be with somebody else for the convenience of it because he seems to like being taken care of and his family raised them wrong don't give a fuck what nobody say they raised them wrong because they still encouraging his cheating ass to be with you that's because you're taking care of him you're not responsible for your children's father you're responsible for the children just like he is leave his ass

Talk about, oh, and don't, it's no fill in the blanks. We're not sleeping together. We're not, what happens when you want to date? The fuck? Because I know he's still dating.

He just probably ain't bringing the bitches around you. And also, if you're able to take care of him, then you should be able to take care of getting a babysitter for your kids while you got to do anything. Look, I don't care. I do not care. I see moms do it all the time without their families, without friend groups, without support groups, all that. Like, we do it. Women, we do it all. No discredits to men because every man out there not like that. And we have a lot of hardworking dads. But women, come on now. We do this shit.

You feel sorry for him, you still have a soft spot for him. That's crazy. He didn't have not one fucking soft spot for you. You can't seem to shake him. You can't, girl, like I said, unless he beating your ass up and down the house or, like I said, holding you hostage, gun to your head, all that, you can walk the fuck out of his life. Period. Get a restraining order. Oh, but then he can't see the kids. He wasn't worrying about that when he was with Denise, Vanessa, and Rudy, and Claire. He wasn't thinking about none of that.

Girl, no. I think you have lost your everlasting mind. And I'm sorry for all my aggression. But, sweetie, you can do better. And sometimes a lot of us women need to be told that by other women who are completely unbiased. Like, I'm not your friend. I don't know. You never saw you a day in my life. You know what I'm saying? So...

I don't know you. This is just like anonymous. You know, I'm hearing a story and I'm telling another woman what she could do, what she should do. You know what I'm saying? You still love him. I know you do. You know, I'm not saying that you are attracted to him or you don't. You know what I'm saying? Because, all right, take into account me and my son's father.

We are way past intimacy. We're not, you know, attracted to each other anymore. I haven't dated Rome since before our baby turned one year old. Like, that's just how that is, you know, and I often say that we're like brother and sister. So I would give Rome the shirt off my back. Yes, I will. But I would not give him a place to stay in my house because I am in a relationship with

I'm moving forward. That's just that's a no, no. There are still boundaries. That's why I'm telling you this. There are still boundaries that has to be set and have to be put between you and your baby daddy. What's wrong with him getting a fucking job if he ain't got no record? Well, even niggas with records, fuck a record. Even men with records are able to get jobs. He got to start from somewhere. You cannot carry him as one of your kids. That's just not what it is. That's not what it's supposed to be. But about what I was saying about Rome.

Me and Rome are close enough where I never want to see him on the street either, but he can't come into my house. He can't. And a man, a real man would never let himself be on the fucking streets. You know, of course, it's circumstantial. But if this nigga got all the sense and all the high and mighty power to go cheat back to back like that and sending money to other bitches, this nigga was fucking with bitches in y'all complex where y'all live.

And you worried about him being thrown out on the streets? Are you dumb? I'm sorry. Like, uh-uh. We're not going for that. Sometimes we need tough love as women, and I'm here to give it. But I'm serious. Like, this man, this is not what love is supposed to be. This is not even what a friendship looks like. He don't respect you, sis.

Why the fuck you sending money that you don't have or that you claim you don't have when it comes to me putting your ass out on other bitches, two other bitches? Like, what are we doing? What are we doing here? His priorities is all fucked up. It seemed like you were engaged to a kid. You had babies by a baby. A baby mindset ass nigga. We're not doing that.

We shouldn't do that in 2024. We shouldn't have never been doing it. Like, we shouldn't have been ever doing it. But it needs to stop now. So you need to get back in touch with me and update me. Sorry, like I said, sorry for the tough love, but baby, we need to give it to each other because I would want somebody to talk to me like this if I was, you know, stuck in a situation like this. How the hell you stuck? No, that's some shit you speaking over yourself. You ain't stuck with him. No, his ass stuck. He's stuck.

in his own way. So get out of your way and push his ass to the side. Raise your kids. And when it's time for you to date, you go date. Shit. But check back in with me, boo. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.

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State Farm Insurance also cares about the growth of black communities. They're actively investing in programs and initiatives that help provide financial literacy, give early career advice, and grow black-owned businesses, thus leading to generational wealth, which helps protect the future of our communities. We want to build a future that we all can be proud of.

State Farm understands that representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. It also requires active sponsorship of programs like the AXO, a year-long program that recognizes and rewards high school students for their academic and cultural achievements, along with funding programs like Project Ready, a National Urban League program committed to educational achievement of black and brown youth that has awarded over $11 million in scholarship offers to date.

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I'm going to have Taylor read again because I got to finish the other half of my bagel, yo. Hey, Jess. I just needed some advice about my job. I feel like I'm very stuck, almost like I'm trapped at this job. I'm a courier, so I kind of like FedEx or UPS, but I'm actually an independent contractor. So I own my own vehicle, but I don't make my own hours or any of the cool stuff that you actually get owning a business.

And I have been working here for almost three years. My uncles are the managers. The job itself is not bad, but I can't take all the arguments between the employees, myself included, the vehicle issues, which I'm responsible for because I'm an independent contractor. I can never do any of my side stuff on a consistent schedule basis because I never know when I'm going to start in a day or when I will finish in a day. So I actually have a YouTube channel.

But because I never know when I will start or finish, I can't dedicate as much of my time to my YouTube channel or my OnlyFans. It's very frustrating because I have so many ideas for my YouTube channel and more than what I want to do. But by the time I finish work, I'm very tired because my job is very physical. Then on my days off, I have to tend to my family and any other things I couldn't get done during the week.

And I also believe that part of my feelings stem from me knowing what I want to do and trying to take the steps to do that, but not having very many options because of where I live. I live in Rockford, Illinois, so there's not much going on here, but I am very interested in photography and videography. Also, I would like to take my YouTube channel and kind of make it a podcast.

But there isn't very much business for that sort of thing around here. I just wanted to know if you had any advice that you could pass along to me, maybe how I can get my foot in the door. But also, there's my job that I have now. I'm just in a tough spot because I get paid a lot of money. Well, for me, it's a lot of money. If I got paid hourly, I would get paid between $23 and $25 an hour. I don't actually have any real skills, so I can't just go somewhere and start out

at that much. So that's why I'm having such a tough time because I don't want to take a pay cut if I'm not going to be doing something that is helping towards my career goal. So I like how she started talking about, I'm having all these problems, like with my job. It's not working out for me. Like, you know, I feel like basically I'm a hostage to this job and I don't have time for my OnlyFans. What? Girl, listen.

I tell people all the time, if you're doing something that don't bring you joy, if you're doing something that doesn't seem passionate to you and it feels purposeless and you're not happy and you can manage financially.

Do what you want to do. It seems like you do have a passion for, you know, talking to people, communication. So YouTubing, blogging, and you said you have a podcast that you're starting and stuff like that. Do that. Girl, I'm not one to tell people quit jobs because as hard as it is to get a goddamn job and you sitting here complaining about one.

It's just ass backwards. However, if it's not bringing you joy and your stress in every day, you find your peace disturbed, girl, quit the job.

And do what you are most passionate about. I see a whole lot of people that stream, you know, they're OnlyFans and they make money off their YouTube and all that. But building a platform, I'm telling you, baby, it's not easy. So unless Tasha.O already got a lot of subscribers, you will not be making money like you was at your job. I think, I don't know if you pray.

I don't know if you are religious in any fashion or whatever, but I'm a Christian woman and I pray. I pray every day, every day of my life. And certain things I pray for when I'm confused about certain things. I don't go to people for advice. That's why I'm happy that y'all come to me. But I don't go to people for advice because I don't like people to tell me what to do, but God says.

So I pray. So just pray on it fast. Like, you know, that's my advice to you. You do make good money. All right. So I say give yourself about another year there. Stack your money. Save it. You know, pay your bills. That means you have to cut out all your extra expenses. You know, whether it's just leisure or just for pleasure. Cut all of that shit out. Really grind. Build that savings account up.

And then you can invest into your business. Or why not stay at your job and use the money

To invest into your blog and invest into your... Because listen, I'm telling you, you don't just gain a platform overnight. You need to invest. You need to... I'm talking about get videographers. That comes with videographers and photographers and shit. Like, you got to stand out. These days, that is a very competitive space. Because who the hell don't got a podcast, okay? Like, when I say I'm so sick of everybody fucking having a podcast, I ain't trying to discourage you, but goddamn.

What are you talking about on air? But let me calm down. I think you should use the money that you have to invest in your business that you really want to develop, that you really want to get off the ground. And you want to catapult. That's what you want to do. But nothing happens overnight. And you can't look at your career or something that you want to do.

is microwavable. That's so instant. You're not going to be able to do that. You can't. I've been doing this shit for about not podcasting. I'm talking about, you know, being in the social light. Um,

This is my ninth year now. You get what I'm saying? I started this shit in 2014. So, no, this is my 10th year. Like, I started this shit when my son was two years old. You get what I'm saying? And I done went through so many hardships, you know, like with trying to build a brand and marketing. It's a lot that goes into it than just having a bunch of followers and a bunch of subscribers. You got to work at that shit. That's why all those people that you see at the top, they didn't just blow up last night.

you know, like a D-Era. You remember D-Era and Ken? They were doing this shit like a long time ago. You know, some of the biggest bloggers been in this shit for like what? Six, seven years plus. So if you quit your job, you ain't running no motherfucking money. Now, you said that you like videography and photography. You need to start offering your services. That's going to get you out there and start getting you booked and stuff like that. You know, do you own a camera? Do you own any equipment? That's why I'm saying that's why if you don't, you need that job because

Because that shit gets expensive as well. Cameras and like I said, lighting and all that shit. And even taking short classes like, you know, like these seminars, not all of them are scams, but some of them actually do teach you shit, you know, consultations or whatever. You know, my video guy does consultations. I lost work on Instagram. He does all my edits. And that's the guy that you see that makes my video magic, my visual magic.

on my page and stuff. You really have to put yourself out there, but I wouldn't leave my job just yet. I get it. But try a way, if you're an independent contractor, what you should do is you should be able to make your own schedule, right? Or you should be able to at least work 40s and take three for yourself to do your business. How old are you? Did she say how old she was? I'm guessing you're fairly young, but check back in with me. You know, I think it'll be wrong for you to walk away from your job now, especially since you make good money.

especially if you don't have any kids or anything, you really have nothing holding you back. Stack your money and invest in yourself. So when you finally leave your job, it can be for more than just the reason of, oh, I got my own blog. No, I'm an entrepreneur. I'm a CEO of this, this, that, and the other. I make my own business. I mean, you know, I make my own money and that'll be your success story. I used my nine to five to pay for my entrepreneurship, period.

All right, girl. So make sure you update me on your progress. You know, just let me know. But I do want to know how old you are as well. Because it does sound like you're fairly young. And that is the end of that story. Look, so we got one more. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.

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Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Seeing our communities grow and thrive is something we care deeply about here at Black Tech Green Money.

State Farm Insurance also cares about the growth of black communities. They're actively investing in programs and initiatives that help provide financial literacy, give early career advice, and grow black-owned businesses, thus leading to generational wealth, which helps protect the future of our communities. We want to build a future that we all can be proud of.

State Farm understands that representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. It also requires active sponsorship of programs like the AXO, a year-long program that recognizes and rewards high school students for their academic and cultural achievements, along with funding programs like Project Ready, a National Urban League program committed to educational achievement of black and brown youth that has awarded over $11 million in scholarship offers to date.

State Farm believes that being better neighbors creates better communities and can have a long-lasting impact. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. I'm a good lawyer, and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT. She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Corinaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not going.

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Oh, we got a voice note, y'all. We got a voice note. Okay, here it goes. Yeah, so my question was basically being from Baltimore. I wanted to know, like, as a first-generation college student, I see a lot of myself in Jess and how she was able to put Baltimore on the map. So my question basically is, how was Jess able to navigate her success and enjoy it while not letting survivor's guilt get to her? Because coming out the city, it can feel like, okay, I'm the only one that made it.

out and that's something I'm going through right now. Okay, so somebody asked me a similar question like this before when I did Mr. J Hill's podcast. He's also a fellow Baltimorean. My brother, he is now in Atlanta doing his thing bigger than ever and only growing bigger with his business. But he had asked me the same question actually. Do I ever have survivor's guilt? Baby girl, hell no. I'm sorry. There's no other way to put it. No. No, I don't. And then

Somebody else had asked me when I first listened to your voice note that I feel like that earlier on, you know, because I've been in this game, in this business, in this industry or whatever, you know, so-called for going on 10 years now, you know, and so.

Did I feel that way early on? No, I just knew I had to get the fuck out. I knew coming from where I grew up, I looked around. This is not where I need to be. This is not where I have to be for the rest of my life. This is not where I'm going to be for the rest of my life. Fuck no, I can't do it. So survivor's guilt, absolutely not. Would I like to see more success come out of Baltimore? Yes. Is that my responsibility? No. I had to get to a point like that, you know, where...

I said that and not felt bad for it. I used to feel bad for saying shit like that. Now I don't. Everybody is responsible for themselves. I try to help wherever I can. I give money, I give opportunities and all of that. Now, whether or not people are going to do what's right with the money and opportunities, that's on them.

I have too much responsibility and too many things that's going on in my life that I need to focus on because I need to continue to grow my riches. I need to continue to raise my child. I need to continue. I'm pregnant again. I have a family. I got other goals as well, not just to be successful financially. I have to build generational wealth. That's what I'm doing. And that takes a long time. I was just piggybacking off of what I said about the story, the previous story.

No, it takes a long time to get where you really can say, OK, I'm comfortable. I'm still not comfortable where I am. I still got a lot of work to do. So, no, baby, I don't feel survivor's guilt. No, I don't. And I don't think you should either. You said your first generation college like that went to college.

If anything, the people around you, your family and your friends should feel motivated to see that. Anybody can do that. We got some of the smartest motherfuckers in Baltimore City. Let me tell you, we're smart. We're creative. We're an innovative city. We make gold out of dirt. OK, we can do that shit. I've done it. So many people can do it. But a lot of us are in our own way. You know what I'm saying? Then a lot of people are afraid to do it.

explore new things because we get so accustomed to where, where we come from and how we were raised. You get what I'm saying? And, and nah, that's not, that's not the way you got to jump out there. You got to step out there. And so don't feel guilty about,

They're supposed to feel pushed and motivated by what you do. And don't feel like you have the responsibility of taking care of everybody because you don't. You just the baby and you're trying to find your way, your damn self. And you seem ambitious. That tells me something. You have some type of ambition. You can't teach that. So even if you tried to go back and gather four or five family members to do that, they got to have your mindset. You had a mindset to say, I'm going to go to school.

I'm going to get up out of Baltimore. I'm going to do this. I'm going to this. I'm going to this. I'm going to that. I'm going to that A, B, and C. And so I get all the way to Z and then I'm going to start over. You get what I'm saying? That's your mindset. You're not stuck. You're not stuck.

And you didn't want to be stuck. So if we get out of our own way, we won't actually ever have to blame a person for making it and not coming back to get us. How about you follow me? How about you chase me? How about you follow your fucking dreams? I'm not going to come back and get you. Because sometimes we go back and we don't make it the fuck back out where we were.

It just is what it is. And that comes with the hate in the city to see somebody who actually made it be successful. So you know how it is in our city. You know how it is. I can't speak for other cities, but I imagine that shit is not only in Baltimore City. It's in any urban city. You get what I'm saying? It's always like that. A lot of people want to pull you back in. They're scared to see you flourish. We want you to win, but don't win too much. You got to take us with you. But what the fuck you doing while I'm grinding?

What you doing? Why you waiting for me to come back and get you? You still sitting there chilling and shit? Nah, ain't no growth there.

I can help. I love to help people who have potential, who want to do something. Maybe they don't know exactly what they want to do, but they got some type of some type of ambition where they can meet me halfway or just a little bit, something that I can take and I can parachute that bitch. I can help you amplify what you already thinking or with your your ideas and bring it to life and help that out for you.

You know, so I thank you for that question, baby girl. And that is the end of the Carefully Reckless episode for today. I love you guys. I just want to give a big shout out to Atlanta. The second annual Black Effect podcast festival was so fun. And I want to also give a shout out to Wallow and Gilly. They were funny as fuck. The engagement that they had with their audience was great. I want to give a shout out to Horrible Decisions. They also had a good show as well. And then they said, see, I came through there and I wasn't even fucking there.

Taylor, why the fuck you ain't asking him to stay for me? Girl, that's one fine ass man. All right, y'all. Well, make sure you tune in to Catholic Reckless on the Black Effect Podcast Network as well as the Breakfast Club on Thursdays. Make sure you call up so I can fix your mess. 1-800-585-1051. Peace.

so

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