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And just like that, we're back with yet another carefully reckless Just Fix My Mess episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. I'm on Breakfast Club all this week again. But listen up, y'all. We got some interesting stories today, and all of them were delivered voice memo. I love it. I love it. So let's get into the first one. Hey, Jess. So I'm just trying to make this quick. So basically, I just got broken up with three days ago with my man. We were together for, what?

Well, yesterday would have been 10 months. So I guess we were together for almost 10 months. And the 10 months in total, like, they weren't bad. But I feel like the last two months, we kind of just, like, argued about a lot. Like, and honestly, like, some of the arguments would be intense.

But I feel like half the time the arguments were something like over him. He started it because he would just like try so hard to like control my every move. And that's not like what I wanted to allow. Like, I feel like he wanted to like control everything that I did, you know, like he wanted me.

to do what he said and how he said it. So, for example, like, if he told me to go right when I was originally going straight, I would be questioning it, like, why do you want me to go right? You know, what's wrong with straight? And he'd just get so angry, like, and be like, oh, my God, you don't listen. Like, if I'm telling you to do something, like, just do it kind of vibes. And that's not the type of timing that...

I like to be on. Like, you know, if I'm curious about something, I'm curious, you know, like just answer the question. Like, why do you want me to go right when usually I would go straight? But yeah, so I feel like a lot of our arguments was over that and they got bigger and like blown out of proportion. And at one point I remember I hung out with my friend. So I was at his house or whatever and he fell asleep. So I went to go hang out with my friend and

And I told him, look, I'll be back. I'm going to go get pillows. I mean, I guess my mistake was not saying which friend that I was going to hang out with or whatever or saying that I was going to include a friend in going to get the pillows. And when he woke up, he texted me and I told him, OK, look, I'm going to drop my friend off and then I'm going to come back. And he was just like, wait a minute, you're not home. And they started snapping on me.

and then I went over to talk to him he's like don't come don't come near my apartment like I don't want you here like I'm gonna open the door for you so get out of here because my neighbors can hear you talking like stuff like that and I'm just like bro there's like you got me sitting on the other side of your apartment crying over you and you don't even care just like get out of here because my neighbors can hear

Right. Right.

And he's Dominican, but, like, straight from the island. So I know, like, already I was going into it knowing, like, you know, they have their own, like, ways and stuff like that. You know, their own traditions and beliefs. Yeah, yeah. So I already knew, like, it wasn't going to be, like, you know...

The cultures. Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah, girl. Girl. No obligations.

And I feel like those are the type of things that I used to always tell myself I would never allow, like, for somebody to talk to me like that, you know? Because I felt like, you don't really love me if you could talk to me like that. But the times where it was good, it was good, you know? So it was just like, I let, like, those good times not define the bad ones, you know? Like...

I saw it as, well, we have good times. You know, when we're happy, we're happy. He's so sweet. He says the nicest things to me. Calls me beautiful. I told him so much about my life and my family. Like, things that I've never told anybody. Even be vulnerable around him like this. I have been in one other relationship, but I don't really count it because he was like a seeker, basically. And I got my heart broken in that. And I was only 17 at the time. Now that I'm 20, me and him met when I was 19. Like I said, we were together for almost 10 months. And, um...

I turned 20 with him and I did a lot of things with him. Like a lot of first, as far as like life goes is relationship wise and stuff like that, like real relationship. And we work at the same job. So now that we're broken up, um, I still have to see him.

I haven't even gotten to why we broke up. I'm sorry. I know this is kind of long. I can tell why y'all broke up. We went on a beach trip for two nights, three days to Ocean City, New Jersey. And it was me, him, and my parents, and then my nephew and his son. For reference, my nephew is nine, his son is four.

This is my third time seeing his son. So I never met his son previously because of the fact that he was always like, he's never introduced his kid to any other girl that he's ever dated outside of the mother. So like he wanted to take his time, make sure that everything felt right with me and him, whatever, whatever.

So nine months in he finally decided to Introduce me to his son The first time I had him was at a cookout And then the second time It was just like I was at his apartment For a few hours and then this trip Would have been the third time and my first time Spending nights with the kid Hold up hold up I know this shit getting good but listen to Just a couple seconds of a commercial If you love me you'll listen

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I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. You slept through your alarm, missed the train, and your breakfast sandwich... Ugh. ...cold. Sounds like you could use some luck.

So the first night was pretty good. I mean, his kid has some severe ADHD that he's truly in denial about, like,

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So he told me, like, oh, you know, you could say something, too. So at one point, his son had his feet on the pillow. And it's a big pet peeve of mine, like, to have your feet on the pillow that people are putting their heads on, especially when you're running around everywhere by your foot, you know, around this Airbnb, like, and outside of the Airbnb. So I told him, like, hey, get your feet off the pillow because that's not what it's for. And I think my man got offended by that. Like I said, he's Dominican, so his English wasn't the best, but...

He knew a lot. But I feel like, so he made this thing up in his head that I said, that I said I didn't want to sleep with my boyfriend because his son was with him. So after that, he was like super offended. But he didn't say anything to me that night.

And then our first night there, I slept with him and his child, but his son peed the bed. So the next night I didn't want to sleep there because, you know, I was like, I don't want to sleep on blankets that have piss on them, you know, like granted. Now, thinking back on it, I should have said to my mom because she did suggest, like, let's go to the laundromat. Let's find a laundromat around here and go wash your blankets. But I was just thinking, like, I'm on vacation. Like, I don't really feel like it. And my man didn't want to either.

What the hell? The fuck? They're dry. Yeah.

And he just got super offended by that. The next morning, on our third day, when it was time for us to leave and stuff, I woke up early, started cleaning the Airbnb to make sure everything was good for when we left.

And suddenly he was just like, oh, you want breakfast? And I was like, okay, yeah. Then I went up to him. He's like, oh, he's not happy. He doesn't want to go to the beach today. So he didn't tell me. And just the next day, everything was coming up about how he felt. He was mad that I said I need to adjust his son. He's like, you've been with me for nine months and you knew I had a son. So what is there to adjust to? And I'm like, I've been with you for nine months, but...

those nine months has just been me and you sleeping together doing everything together just me and you I just met your son this month out of the nine months like so yeah I need to adjust then he started like projecting his childhood trauma onto me talking about oh like his stepmom said the same thing with his dad and that she never adjusted to him as a kid and I'm like but that's

Yeah, he's fucked up in here. I hate you. Okay. Yeah.

Exactly. Thank you.

That's not a relationship. It's a dictatorship. But, damn. Have some more respect for the relationship that we did have. Like...

And I never treated him bad. I would help him pay his bills, help him with everything. When he got his new apartment, helped him find an apartment, all of that good stuff. I did so much for him. When his mom kicked him out at the age of 27 years old, I helped him...

with a place to stay. Even though he's always saying, like, I had other options. Like, be grateful for what I did for you, you know? I feel like he was never grateful for what I did. Anytime I would cook for him, he would never say thank you. It was just something that was... I had to do as a woman, you know? It was my role as a woman. And so, yeah...

I don't know. A lot of this is just like, it's bittersweet for me because I truly love him. I still love him. Even though I know he had his moments where he treated me like shit, there was that moment where he treated me like a queen. And so I just feel like there's nobody out there who's going to accept me with everything, like my bonding and stuff like that, like all that. Because I love me some like Hispanics and stuff. So have some more respect for the relationship that we did have, like

And I never treated him bad. I would help him pay his bills, help him with everything. When he got his new apartment, helped him find an apartment, all of that good stuff. I guess my next that I want to be fixed is like, how do I move on now? Like, I don't know. Like, it's so hurtful. But at the same time, it's just like, I feel like maybe this was needed. Like,

maybe we weren't compatible. I really wanted us to be compatible. We felt compatible. I don't even know where we went wrong. I don't know where, why he started like mentally abusing me and gaslighting me and manipulating me. Like, I just don't understand. It's so confusing to me. Like we were just, just on set on Friday, you were talking about, Oh, do you want to marry me? Like as a joke. And then on Saturday morning, you're like, I want to break up. And now

And Monday I talked to him on the phone. He's like, stop calling me. I don't want to hear good morning from you. I don't hear nothing from you. I don't want to be your friend because if I get a new girl, I don't want you to think you have a say or anything like that. And I'm just like, bro, do you have somebody you're talking to? He's like, no, but I'm just saying because he thinks I'm going to be like one of his other crazy exes. And that's not me.

Girl.

I don't believe in those gender roles. Whatever I can do, you can do too. And he would cook and stuff, but still. I feel like he was just always trying to belittle me. I'm sorry. I'm dragging this on, but I love you. Thank you so much. And I'm going to listen to your podcast today when I'm at work to get me through. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.

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Well, thank you, beautiful girl. I'm glad I can tell by your last name that you a little Latina too. You know what I'm saying? So you like your island men, your Caribbean men. When you first started telling me your story until you started answering questions about him, I was like, okay, is he older than you? Is he the only child? Is he African? Jesus Christ. Just the way he, you said he's controlling and you're a sensitive person.

You know what I'm saying? And then he broke up with you, you know, and then just how he's all over the place. I'm going to tell you something right now. It's bigger than you. I'm just going to chop your neck with that. Like it is bigger than you. This ain't even about you. You said something that stuck out. You said he projects.

He started projecting his childhood trauma and his differences and his own deeply rooted issues on me, comparing them to what we're going through now. People do that when they're so deeply swallowed by their trauma and it still affects them, but they...

Don't know how to express that they're even still feeling trauma or even still haunted by trauma. You know, he may not even know subconsciously. That's just probably how he's been since he was little. You know, so people grow up thinking that they're fucking normal and they're really fucked up mentally. You know what I mean? And it's very, very hard to get a man to see that he's fucked up.

Especially if he's been fucked up for some time. You know, you said he projected shit talking about his stepdad and his mom or his mom and stepdad. You know, whatever the parents' rules were. That's what you said. You understand what I'm saying? And I just, in my opinion, I feel like this is deeper than you. This is bigger than you. This has nothing to do with you. Just like...

When his son pissed in a bed and he made a big ass deal out of it, you know, telling you, you know, because you don't want to sleep in a pissy ass bed that could not only fuck your skin up. It could give you bed bugs and all types of rashes and shit. You know what I'm saying? That wasn't about no piss that it was bigger than a piss. It wasn't about that. He was also projecting as well.

You know what I'm saying? Everything that he does is a projection of how he's been treated or how he has lived up until this point, you know, or how he was raised. I don't know if you know his baby mother, but I ain't going to say look to her for insight. But I would ask him about his relationship. If y'all were together for a year, well, you said 10 months and y'all just, you know, he just broke up with you. But have you ever asked him about that?

why he didn't make it with his son's mother or what happened in that relationship. Sometimes when you get in a new relationship, sometimes people carry baggage over from their last relationship into their new relationship, which warrants a conversation about the previous relationships between the people that are in the new relationships or whatever. And I don't know if you have ever had that conversation.

But it just sounds like he's been this way for a long time. And then also culturally, you two are different. And I'm just going off of what you said and also having dealing with a Caribbean guy myself before. They are controlling. You know, he wasn't mean. This guy wasn't mean. He was just very controlling. And their culture is very different. You know, women are.

are subjected to do this, that, and the other, and nothing else in certain cultures, you know? And in men, they have to be the head of household and they have to do this and not do this because this is for women. And, you know, they believe in gender roles. So that culturally, that's where he comes from. So he was never going to change that. Even with the other example that you gave me, when you hung out with your friend to go get pillows and, you know, and he, you called him and he was shocked to find out that you weren't home.

He just wants to always be in control of your every move and stuff like that. You know, you met him young. You met him when you were 17. It's not like you said y'all started dating officially at 20 or something. Girl, I might be getting you mixed up with something I read here at Breakfast Club today because this is where I'm doing this episode from. But I.

I don't have time to go back and listen to your whole story. That was a long ass story. But I know that you are younger than him, but he seems like he's like way older. Jesus Christ. And then now you said leading to the breakup. The reason for the breakup was the family trip. You know, his kid got the ADHD and he even gave you.

permission to verbally discipline him but when you actually said something about the little boy's feet being on a pillow where people laid their heads ultimately he kind of got upset and I think you said well I don't think I know if I'm mistaken you said that this nigga told you that he hates you for the way you treat his son that's a fucking red flag if everything else before wasn't a red flag I don't care how vulnerable a man makes you feel how good he makes you feel

Yeah, you said when it's good, it's good. But when it's bad, it's bad. Which one is worse to you? Which one is greater? Him treating you like shit or him treating you like a queen? Let's let's be honest, because no man that treats you like a queen can equally treat you like shit, too. You understand what I'm saying? That sounds like a nigga with schizophrenia. That sounds like a nigga diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

That's what that sounds like. That sounds like a mental illness. That's what the fuck that sounds like. How can you flip flop on me like this? How can you uplift me and then degrade me the next day? How on Saturday we talking about marriage and on Sunday you don't want me to fucking call you if he has somebody or not. This is still not good. It's still not good. I want you to pay attention to.

You understand what I'm saying? It's bigger than you and it's manipulation and it's narcissistic and it's projection and it's not good for you. You're already a sensitive person and you're already talking about you not thinking he care. And listen, I'm going to tell you something. He helped you dodge a bullet. You dodged a good ass bullet. You dodged a bullet. He has no obligations to you. He said and told you the only reason why he didn't leave your ass is because he didn't want to embarrass you in front of your fucking family. Are

Are you crazy? No, this is a serious question, beautiful woman. Are you crazy? You cannot let him be the dictator of your of your value. That's what it is. He's never nobody's ever made me feel this way. You're damn right. Nobody ever made you feel like shit like this, did they? I ain't talking about the queen part.

You can make yourself feel like a queen. You can make yourself feel like shit. Would you ever cause yourself harm like that? No, right? Don't ever let a motherfucker do that. I don't give a fuck what culture, what island he's from. I don't give a fuck what race he is, what color skin he got, how much money he got, how much trauma he had and you want to be sensitive to him because you want to walk on eggshells and don't want to piss him off. I don't give a fuck about none of that. You're a woman.

You deserve better. And he deserves some help, but he's not going to get it. You ain't responsible for getting him help. Trust me, baby. Nine months versus nine years is a whole hell of a lot better than for you being stuck and not being able to get out. Because a man will take everything from you if you let him. He'll take your dignity. He'll take your pride. He'll take everything from you.

He don't respect you. I don't care what you say. He don't. And if he's moved on, let his fucking ass move on. That's it.

There's so many men out there that's waiting for a queen. That's waiting. Listen, I'm serious. Check back in with me because I don't like this. I do not like this girl. You piss me off. So check, check back in and I love you. I love you. I hope you listen to this and you really get something. Take something great from this, because if you have to ask yourself, is this really what love is? Did you ever love me? Then it was never that.

Understand? And he's in his own way. This has nothing to do with you, baby girl. He took nine months to introduce you to his child. I know some people that takes more, it takes longer. You just, you know, it just sounds like he's so fucking screwed up. He needs help and he does not need a relationship. He doesn't. Because even the next girl ain't going to get treated no better than you.

You know what I'm saying? So wake up. Seriously, wipe the crust about your eyes. Look in the mirror and gain your confidence back. And then soul search. Find who you are. Find who you are. Because I'm a little afraid for you that you stayed in this a little too long. Now, I'm not saying shit, but I can only imagine how it feels now.

When you're being shitted on and constantly ridiculed and degraded every other fucking day. It probably felt like nine years. But what I'm scared is that this kind of scarred you. This fucked you up because you're still upset that he's not even telling you to come back. I know you better be done with this shit and you better update me. You might need therapy after this nigga your damn self. You see how hurt people hurt people?

And then you will continue the cycle to hurt another person if you don't get help after this shit. Okay? I love you. Check back in. Damn, that story took up the whole damn episode. But it's all right. It's all right. We come to the end of yet another Just Fix My Mess. Being carefully reckless with your girl, Just Hilarious. I'll see you next week. And in my deepest pain, boys. Peace.

Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed JT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.

The power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys. Offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes. Take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com.

Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Touring capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Touring Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Most deals are barely worth mentioning.

But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone. Any year, any condition. It's a deal so good, you'll be shouting from the rooftops. So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T.

AT&T. Connecting changes everything. Requires trading of Galaxy S, Note, or Z series smartphone. Limited time offer. 256 gigabytes for $0. Additional fees, terms, and restrictions apply. See att.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.

The fall season. We don't have to let it happen yet. Because summer doesn't stop in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. You can still get out and enjoy 60 miles of beaches, eat in the South's newest foodie haven with over 2,000 restaurants, and have endless fun at hundreds of attractions. Hold on to that sweet summer feeling a little longer at the beach. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Plan your trip at visitmyrtlebeach.com. That's visitmyrtlebeach.com.

MITRE's mission is to solve problems for a safer world. If you have a passion for applied cybersecurity with skills in infrastructure threat intelligence, deterrence technologies, advisal threat emulation, or intelligence analysis, explore the many challenging and fulfilling career opportunities at MITRE.org slash careers. That's M-I-T-R-E dot org slash careers.