A massive data breach in summer 2024 exposed 2.9 billion records used for background checks, potentially affecting every American. This highlights the critical need for online safety tools.
Aura monitors the dark web for personal data, provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance, offers a VPN for secure browsing, and includes a password manager to create and store strong passwords.
Google Gemini is an AI assistant app that allows live conversations for tasks like interview practice, city advice, or brainstorming ideas. The script for this episode was read by Gemini.
Amazon Q Business is a generative AI assistant that securely understands business data, summarizes results, and streamlines tasks. It can be explored at aws.com/learn-more.
TikTok might be banned permanently in two days, which would impact content creators who rely on it for reaction videos and commentary. The TikTok revenue is at an all-time high right now.
YouTubers often prioritize content creation over family time due to high CPMs (cost per mille) during the holiday season, turning them into Scrooge-like characters focused on making money.
Fans expressed gratitude for the podcast, mentioning it as a constant in their lives through high school, relationships, and personal milestones. One fan even compared it to a notable constant like AA (Alcoholics Anonymous).
Some fans expressed anger, calling the hosts lazy and accusing them of ruining the podcast. One commenter even threatened to hand out fentanyl for fun after the podcast ended, referencing it as their 'AA'.
The holiday special marks the last recording session for Chuckle Sandwich, with only three more episodes planned before the podcast ends. It also features fan comments, both nice and naughty, read by actors.
Fan art depicted Schlatt, Ted, and Charlie sucking on Tucker's teat, symbolizing Tucker as a 'golden hog'. The art was described as both bizarre and entertaining by the hosts.
This podcast is brought to you by Aura, a complete online safety toolkit. This past summer, national public data reported a breach potentially affecting every American. Over 2.9 billion records used for background checks were stolen.
If safeguarding personal information wasn't a priority before, this incident should serve as a critical wake-up call. You're more vulnerable than ever in today's digital landscape. That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users' phone numbers, emails, and social security numbers, delivering real-time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected.
Additionally, Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance, offering a robust safety net in the event of a worst-case scenario. Aura is a complete online safety toolkit, which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online, including a VPN for secure browsing, data broker opt-out to stop companies from selling your personal information, and a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords.
For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14-day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free when you visit aura.com slash defense. That's aura.com slash defense to sign up for a 14-day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's A-U-R-A dot com slash defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.
This episode is brought to you by Google Gemini. With the Gemini app, you can talk live and have a real-time conversation with an AI assistant. It's great for all kinds of things, like if you want to practice for an upcoming interview, ask for advice on things to do in a new city, or brainstorm creative ideas. And by the way, this script was actually read by Gemini. Download the Gemini app for iOS and Android today. Must be 18 plus to use Gemini Live.
This episode is brought to you by AWS. Amazon Q Business is the generative AI assistant that can securely understand your business data, summarize results, and streamline tasks. Learn what Amazon Q Business can do for you at aws.com slash learn more. Wow, Tucker, what is, are you under that a pajama set? No, it's a turtleneck. No, it's a turtleneck. Here, I'll give you the fit check.
Oh my god, that is... Wow, look at this! This is my grandma Christmas fit. Yours is, Tucker, yours is nice. Yours is like, um... You know, you're giving Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer right now a little bit. But you're a grandma. Yeah, Schlatt's giving Rich Christmas Party right now. Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you jealous of my cashmere? It sounds like the cashmere doesn't like you as much as you like it. It's beautiful. You look great. You look fantastic. And Choklers, we've got one final boy who you guys have been waiting for every Christmas. We bring him. We bring him. Because what would Santa do without his little elf? Yay! Yay! Yay!
Merry Christmas, everyone! Merry Christmas! We've got Charlie, we got Schlatt, we got Tucker, we got Ted. It's the Chuckle Sandwich Christmas episode. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich, baby! How are you supposed to wear a little turtleneck? How? I mean, listen and learn, look at Tucker, observe, understand. It looks good. It looks like this one's coming up a little too high.
You're not gonna drown. That thing's about to swallow him. I think this one's coming up a little too high. I'm worried that if you don't keep yourself fully straight, you're gonna sink into it, man. It's like the quicksand. It's quicksand cashmere slat. It's quicksand cashmere slat! Oh, shit! Why does it look so fucked up? Oh, shit!
Welcome, everyone, to Chuckle Sandwich. This will technically be in the timeline of Chuckle Sandwich. You know, I hate to bring it up. I'm always bringing it up to you guys. But the last recording that any of us will do for an episode of Chuckle Sandwich, and it is the Christmas episode coming right in the middle of Chuckle Week. And we're so happy to have our beautiful, gorgeous boy, Charlie, here with us today. Thank you, guys. You guys look gorgeous, too. You all look stunning. Thank you. You all do. Thank you. Thank you, Charlie. Thank you.
I dapped before this episode started. You what? I dapped. You dapped? I dapped. What are you talking about? Like yourself? I was like, how do I... I need to look dapper for this episode, right? Oh, okay. That's not what people say. People don't say that. You're the first person who's ever said that in that context. I glommed. Really? Yeah, no, that's the first. I swear. I swear. Well, don't swear. That's rude.
I promise someone else, someone special in my life said it in 2011 with the episode where iCarly and Sam go to Dingo Studios. Okay. He's right. Oh, Tucker, don't look it up. It's looking good. I think his story checks out. So Merry Christmas, everybody, and Happy Holidays to all the Jewish people out there. Happy Holidays to all the Jewish people out there. And everyone else, too.
Everyone looked at me like it wasn't genuine.
But yeah, you know, I mean, it's that beautiful time of year. We're all trying to finish our work before the holidays so we can get that sweet ad money. Get that sweet, sweet holiday ad money, baby. Dude, you were fixing this? I thought you were saying ad money, just like fully rubbing your nipples. God, that's so... Sweet ad rep.
My mom did text me earlier today. She said, why aren't you spending time with the family this Christmas season? And I said,
It's AdSense season, baby. What do you think I'm doing? I'm working right now. I got so many videos to come out. The CPMs are high and they'll never get any higher than right now. So like, of course, I'm putting family matters on the back burner right now. It's Christmas time. This is what it's all about. It's about making money, you know? Every YouTuber during Christmas turns into a Scrooge. They're always that one character in a Christmas movie that has to work on Christmas Eve.
And then you've got a little boy and they're like, but Papa, it's Christmas. And it's like, no, son, I have to react to TikToks today. Go to your room. The TikTok revenue is at an all-time high right now. And sometime soon, I think in maybe, what, two days? TikTok might be banned permanently. So I need to suck that dry. In two days? Yeah.
Yeah, it wasn't the timeline like December 19th. They shut it down. All I'm saying last night, I this strange, large, like spectrish kind of road man came to me and he pointed at a grave and it had tick tock right on it next to me. Yeah, yeah, it's true. It's true.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's a good thing that we all, you know, we didn't start off. I mean, it was funny. I was thinking about, man, this TikTok thing, it's not really going to affect me that hard. And then I was like, oh, shit. But I've made a lot of commentary videos on TikTok. Oh, no. I'm losing a subject of my videos. I'm not. It's not the content. It's what I make fun of that I'm losing out on. Can I tell you something, Ted?
Oh, you have that. I'd be offended if you didn't. Okay. And I appreciate that. I think that that's great what you said, but I think at the end of the day, the only thing I'm actually going to miss on TikTok is the freaking. That's true. Yeah.
That's all I ever saw. Because you know for a fact that I'm not doing that shit on Instagram. They would tear you apart in the Instagram Reels comments, man. They're freaks over there. They're monsters. I think it's less that and more I know 100% sure that because my Instagram is my old personal Instagram from when I was growing up, from 2011. So all the people from high school and stuff, I follow on there. So they'd all be seeing that and they'd be like, is that Ted?
I'm going to be like, okay, maybe being a YouTuber as your job isn't that cool. Dude, we're all already thinking that. Yeah. Wow. As one of your high school friends, we're all already thinking that. Really? That's crazy. That's especially crazy coming from Tucker. That is working on your what? Your third YouTube video right now? You're in the deep end premiere on my dime, by the way, in premiere. You're on my account. Touchy subject. Touchy subject. Yeah.
Yeah, sit down. Sit down in your cute little turtleneck. It is cute. Dude, I tried posting some reels. I tried posting some reels, and they tore me apart. They keep saying that rent's due. Wow, really? Rent in New York must be so high, Schlatt, that you're posting on Instagram now. Dude, I can't even post a video anymore.
I don't know if you've seen any of my recent videos. The top comment section is always, wow, he must be in a real financial situation right now. Dude, your rent must be really, really expensive. I feel like that's probably what happens when you spend your whole YouTube career saying that it's all for the money. All the comments are going to be related about you getting money.
Yeah, how are those comments? Oh, yeah. What's the top comment? Bingo right there. Christmas album was so expensive, bro had to drop a reaction video. And yet they're there. And yet they're there. Wait, are you guys... They're watching. That's so odd. Because when I'm looking at your stuff, the top comment here, it says it's from the ghost of Christmas future. And it says, you need to change? Whoa. What does that mean? Does that mean anything to you? No, I don't... Does it come with an ominous bell sound like bong?
Yeah, I think it. Oh, no, he just said subscribe in the video. So the bell lit up. I was. Yeah. So you better be careful. One day you're going to wake up and you're going to be an 1800s nightgown with a fucking lantern and a little crazy for you. No, I don't wake up. I don't wake up anymore. I don't wake up during my sleep at all. I've been I've been sleeping, sleeping perfectly every night now. You know why?
Why? I bought a little Appy watch and I bought a little Uri ring that I pop on. Everything you just said was baby's first words. What the fuck are you talking about? That's what I was going to say. It sounded like baby talk, dude. You look really upset. Me Appy watching my Uri ring. I got a little Appy watch and I got a little Uri ring that I pop on. Let me guess. Let me guess. And you also got sleep apnea and you're putting in your smart binky? Yeah, yeah.
No, I've been tracking my sleep very... It's like a little video game to me now because I realized I was getting shit sleep. So I bought Appy Watch and Oori Ring and I pay like $30 a month for this sleep tracking shit. Oh, Lord. And yeah, now I'm sleeping like a baby.
That's why I talk like a baby now too. That's why Appy and Uru. Yeah. You and I have the opposite problem, Shalai, because I've got my app that's for waking me up. The math alarm as we've talked about. Do you have to do... Is it like you have to do math?
Yeah, I set like three alarms every morning that have sets of math that progressively get more difficult. It's basically just like the more addition I have to do. So it's like it ends up being a thing where it's like 93 plus 45 plus 27. And when you're half awake, you're looking at it and you're like, oh, shit, I got to fucking break this down. I would get a new phone. That one would be gone, dude. It would be out the window. There have been times when I've just deleted the app.
as opposed to doing the alarm. So I have probably redownloaded that app upwards of 15 times just because I'm like, shit, I deleted the app again. I run a self-help channel called The Weekly Slap. There's one thing I say every video, that life is a momentum game. Right, Teddy? Mm-hmm.
So every morning you need to have wins that will propel you into a day full of wins. You can't start on such a thing like math problems. I think I'd want to kill myself every day if the first thing I had to do when I was awake is do math problems. There's a bunch of options on what you can do. I started off.
It didn't start off with the math, but it led to the math. Because the first option that I had was shake. And you can control the vigorousness in which you shake. But then that turned into a thing where I'd wake up, I'd grab the alarm, and then I'd be sleeping on my side. And I'd just be like that. And then when I was done, I'd put it down and I'm asleep. I think there have been times when I was doing that shit in my sleep. So I keep Pavlovian-ly training myself, too. And then the other one was like...
was probably supposedly the best one, but that one was like, oh, you got to take steps. But then it turned into a thing where I learned the rhythm in which the phone needed to be moving in order to simulate steps. So it was like, I was going like this, you know, and, you know, clip that, clip that.
I'm going like that with the phone. That must have been like when you realized you could play Wii Sports without getting off the couch. Yeah, a little bit. I remember being in the back of the gym class after we had to run a mile with the pacer thing just doing this. Now, I'll tell you what the best one is, though, that I haven't gotten to this point, but I think I may in the future if I'm sick of the math, is that one of the ways you can turn off the alarm is to...
I could print out a QR code and put it somewhere on the other side of my house. And I would have to scan the QR code with my phone in order to turn off the alarm. Emma's got one where you got to take a picture of the shower on and it knows you have to go take a picture of the shower running. Yeah, that's a good one. I like that. It's been getting her out. The shower has to be on and your dick has to be hard. You have to take a picture of your hard cock. Say what you will, but it's been getting her up and out.
I would... That's good. I guarantee within a week of having that, I would be so groggy, fall into the tub, look up at the showerhead and go, just turn it on immediately. There's no way I wouldn't have it directly under there and just soak myself, dude. Oh, dude. Here's the thing, though. I think that part of...
Part of what makes Emma probably a more effective sleeper than me is that she's married to you. And Tucker is probably the... Tucker's the best wake-upper of anyone I know. Like, this motherfucker is basically on bird time. No, you're on bird time. You gotta be on bird time, dude. Otherwise, you're missing out. You're gonna miss out on the worm. Like, the moment when the sun is about to rise and the birds start chirping, that's the time...
That's the system Tucker's on when his eyes open. Can I ask you guys something about the early bird thing? Because it's like the early bird gets the worm, right? Yeah. I've been thinking about this. Why don't the worms just wake up later? Because it's raining. Yeah, but if the early bird is getting there for the worms, if the worms woke up later, they wouldn't be there when the bird gets there.
The worms could just sleep in. I bet worms don't even sleep. What? I don't think they do sleep. You don't think they sleep? I don't think simple creatures sleep. What's the line between a worm and a bird that distinguishes one as simple and the other as complex? Or are they both simple creatures, Steve Tucker? The music. The music. Birds make music. Birds create the music. But don't the worms create music in their own way, the vibrations of the earth? That's true. Well, dogs don't make music, or dogs animals.
They bark sometimes at a rhythm. Worms aren't animals. I'm pretty sure they are. Yeah, they are. What are they? What are we trying to make a TikTok clip right now? Worms are animals. They're worms. You're saying that there's the entirety of the animal kingdom and then there's just worms? What kind of animal is a worm? Like a bug. A worm is a bug? It's an invertebrate, right? An invertebrate?
It can't be that. Well, a tree doesn't have a spine. I'll tell you what they are. Tasty to a five-year-old. Yeah. Okay. Ted was definitely munching on some bugs. I definitely did that dare at least once. But I ain't never going to let my child do the slug one. Right.
I'll tell my kids I'll be like, never eat a slug. Because you heard about that one kid that ate a slug and then he got paralyzed. Severely paralyzed and then died. And then his mom's life took a drastic turn as she became the first to ever slug. Like the fucking slug. What is it? Anti-slug. Slug activist. Yeah, she started making content out of it.
Can you blame her? Oh, my God. She started making TikToks, didn't she? She started going on tours to a slug about four years ago. Don't eat slugs anymore, guys. We got to stop. What are you going to do? Slow them down? Like, there's nothing you can do. Yeah. Yeah. It is really just temptation is the real enemy in this situation. And, you know, it's tempting to want to keep Chuckle Sandwich going. And some of the people are a little upset about it.
And we've gotten a little bit of hate mail. And Ted, I think it's time you tell them. Oh, yeah. Okay. The surprise. No way. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Tucker really wants to get this thing moving, huh?
Oh, he might as well get into the first one. This episode of Chuckle Sandwich is sponsored by ZocDoc, baby. Boys, we are days away from the new year, 2025. Ted's last year of life. And while New Year's resolutions are often stupid and played out, the start of the new year can be a great time to get organized, set goals, and prioritize things like your health. And the first step to a healthy 2025? Finding the right doctor.
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- We got a lot of these. - Okay, well listen, listen. So boys, Charlie and Shred don't know about this, but basically when we announced that Chuckle Sandwich was ending, we got a variety of reaction to the
the news. Some people were shocked, some people were sad, some people were mad. There was one guy that was funny. And a lot of those people left comments on the video. And it's the Christmas season and we're all pretty much dressed as Santa adjacent people. So I thought it would be nice if I assembled a naughty and nice list of the comments
that we got on the... Or some of the... A very small selection of some of the comments we got on these videos. But reading a comment isn't the same thing as hearing it said. So I went on Fiverr and I hired... Oh my gosh. Like 10 different actors to each perform the comments that were said, whether they were naughty or if they were nice. And I got all of those. I got the last of them today. There was one person who actually...
Did he even deliver it? I don't even know if he did. There was one guy that was supposed to deliver it. He said he would get it to me in an hour. And it's been more than that. What a wonderful Christmas gift. Yeah, so his delivery is very late. He was supposed to deliver it to me. Just say, go fuck yourself. You ruined my Christmas. Well, yeah. I was like, are you going to deliver it? It's been three days since you said you would. And he was like, I'll get it to you in the hour. And I was like, okay. Crickets. Crickets. But anyways...
So what we're going to look at first, we're going to do each one. We'll chat about each one. We're going to start first. Sorry, I saw the man that no Chuckle Sandwich listener looks like. We're going to start first with the nice comments. And there's a little bit of black screen in between, Tucker, so you can pause it. I'll pause it, yeah. Are we ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm ready. Okay, here we go. Okay.
Well, thank you, Chuckle Sandwich. You know, I've been watching Chuckle Sandwich since the very first year it came out. And it's been putting a smile on my face since the very beginning. Chuckle Sandwich was really the first podcast that I genuinely connected to. It feels really strange to know that it's ending now.
I know it's dramatic, but it almost feels like knowing someone you care about is, well, not going to make it. I'm really thankful to have been a listener for all these years, and I'm excited to see this last week, too. So thank you, Ted, Schlatt, Charlie, and Tucker. I'll think back on this podcast with fond memories when I'm old and gray.
I've got bad news about that last one. That was a very nice comment. And you know, I chose people that I think would be appropriate for the comment in question. And I think that he did a great job. This is exactly what I envisioned in my mind when I was reading through that comment.
Can you take another look at the name of the person that posted that comment? I just want to go back and revisit it. Furious underscore elote. Furious elote. Elote. This was, yeah. You know what an elote is, Tucker? Isn't that street? What is that? Mexican street corn? Yeah, Mexican street corn. I've never had that. So to this viewer, I would say thank you.
But I had the unfortunate privilege of watching my grandma deteriorate over a four-year time frame due to Andrew Cuomo's, let's just say, policies. And I wouldn't compare Chuckle Sandwich ending to anything like that. Charlie, anything you'd like to say? Yeah, I guess first, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That you went through that. That sounds really rough. Thank you. And to you. He lost his grandma and he's slowly losing his neck. And to you, Schlatt, I would say I'm sorry too about your grandma. Oh, that first part. Okay. Thank you. And I guess I would say that I'm happy to see that
even such a furious elote we could put a smile on their face too so there you go merry christmas thank you for merry christmas for enjoying christmas enjoying these years yeah on to the next one the next nice comment sure
All right, here we go. I am sad this is coming to a close, but I enjoyed every moment of it. It feels bittersweet with how recently Toka joined the course. But if there is going to be a Toka and Ted project in the future, I'm sure it's a new podcast that is going to end up in my rotation. Sklats will, of course, have many projects to come to.
So what did you think of that, Sklatt? Hey, guys. Sklatt here. I just want to say that once Chuckle Sandwich is over...
I will be doing no more projects. So no more from Sklatt. And that's all. Thank you. Good night. Thank you, Sklatt. That was beautiful. You should think about how Ted and Tucker might have a project upcoming in the future. It's happening. That the audio listeners might be a fan of. We might. Dude, I think we're past. We might. If you're still at might, then we need to have a conversation after this.
So that's something to look out for, Chucklers. That's something to look out for, Chucklers, very soon after Chuckle finds its clothes. Oh, come on. At least let them be sad for a little bit. Some might say right on schedule. Hey, hey. Hey. At least let them be sad for a little bit. We'll give them like a week or something. Maybe like a week.
Well, when Charlie left, we did multiple months. I have no part in this. I have no part in this. I'm not attached to this. I don't know what's going on. I'm not involved. When he did that, there were multiple months. I'm not involved. There was a grieving period. And I appreciate that. I do appreciate that. So you don't think Schlatt deserves the same grieving period as I do? Sklatt. Sklatt. Thank you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. This motherfucker was checked out.
In January of this year. I'd lose my neck. Look at him. He's turtling his tip because of you. He's turtling his tip all the way back in. Say sorry. I'm just saying let them be sad. Just because you know that your poor little scog is going to die doesn't mean that when it does, you're like, oh, well, we knew it was coming. Bring out the new one. You know, excuses always sound best to the person making them.
Think about it this way. Think about it this way. We can't, and I don't think that Schlatt would want this either, we can't let, because we
Because once Chuckle ends, it's going to be like all our audio listeners, all our little cherubs out there, they're going to start scattering. They're not going to know what to do with themselves. And we can't have them go to the yard. We can't have them go to the yard. We can't have them go to Fear Ann. We can't have them go to the yard or the street. They could get hit by a bus. We can't have them go to God forbid, shut up, I'm talking. Come on. Come on. We can't let them listen to British people talk, especially bald ones.
So that's just, you know, that's my take on it. Let's see this guy's name. Cursed Jono. Cursed Jono. But yeah, that's something to look out for, Chuckler. I also didn't just join the cause. I've been here for like almost 100 episodes. Yeah, no, Tucker's been on more episodes than Charlie. I don't... Ted, wake up and do the math. Wow, that was a gold star joke right there. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that.
Yeah, that's kind of that is that is crazy to think about, though, dude. You are you are like more of, I guess, like more of a podcast member than than I ever was. And I guess ever. Well, OK, let him go. Let him go. Kind of dust cooking right now. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess I guess I'll be like that, too.
A couple of washed up podcasters. I'm nothing, man. I'm not. And now Charlie and Schlatt will start us a podcast called Washed Up. That's a good idea. Hey, wait, let's talk about that after. Schlatt immediately after saying he's not doing any more projects. Just an ASMR lathering channel. I would give it, I would give it maybe...
11 episodes before the flat went catatonic. Alright, what's the next one we got? Here we go. Oh no, bro! I am really thankful for all the episodes. Why? Is this like a guy that people... Is this a new guy or is this a guy that everyone knows?
No, this is a guy. This is Scotty. This is Scotty the werewolf. Okay. Scotty the Scottish werewolf. Everybody knows Scotty. Everyone was going to say a different thing when you told me his name was Scotty the Scottish werewolf. No, it's Scotty. How did you find this guy? What is his actual name? I'm so sorry. I'm genuinely curious. What do you mean actual name? His name is Scotty. He's a Scottish werewolf. Okay, I'm sorry. And he's a fan. And he also goes by MrChiller6811.
And he's a fan of the chocolate sandwich podcast. And he left us a nice comment. And I reached out to him and I said, hey, Scotty, would you like to make a little testimonial? And this is what he did. All right. Okay. All right. Shout out to the wares. Here's Scotty the werewolf.
Oh no, bro. I am really thankful for all the episodes. Chuckle Sandwich is the only podcast I ever really stuck listening to. Listening to Schlatt and Ted talking were some of the most peaceful times I ever experienced. Thank you guys so much. Chuckle Sandwich is the only podcast I ever stuck listening to. I'm really thankful for all of the episodes.
Listening to Schlatt and Ted talking were some of the most peaceful times I ever experienced. I mean, Tucker, how do you feel about that, too? I feel like you're in the same boat as Charles right now. Tucker, so you've been here for a hundred episodes. A hundred, yeah. Well, Scotty's a little, you know, he's not all there. Yeah, let's have, Tucker, let's have a little one-to-one here so we can freak this guy out. Okay. What?
Tucker, your turn. That was beautiful. That was natural. Follow that up. Follow that up. I can't follow that up! Okay, that's pretty good. Perfect. Yeah, that was good. That's just the kind of crazy, wacky shit going on in Mr. Chiller's mind. I mean, look behind him.
That sheep's got three legs. No, there's something. There's actually something so wrong with this. Something's up with these sheep behind him. Are you sure he's a Scottish werewolf, Ted? I mean, I'm listening to his voice and he sounds like he's from Scotland. Because I don't think they make sheep like that there. They don't. Not a single sheep looks like one of the ones they make. And funny enough, about five sheep back in the row, it looks like it all starts to become...
one wide sheep. Listen, I don't know anything about these sheep. All I did was reach out to Scotty and he filmed it in his backyard. All right. I just don't think the werewolf should be your biggest. Take your cursor. I want you to go to the Scotty's right side of his neck there. Right side of his neck. There you go. Move a little to your left and then up.
Up a little more? Yeah, that's... great. It's just like... multiple sheep in one. Okay, tell me where... where here does the sheep start? That's just a sheep king. That's a sheep king. Oh, they got tied up! Oh, they're not sheep king, get the fuck outta here. Okay, I get it, I get it. That's when they get threaded together. That's a sheep king. That's when they get knitted together. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a... it's like a rat king, but sheep. The sheep king. Jesus fucking Christ! Man, that's fucked. Yeah.
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♪♪♪
So what do we got next up? I'm buttering you guys up with some niceties and then, you know. All right, here we go. On a serious note, this podcast has been a pretty notable constant in my life for the past four years.
It's seen me through nearly my entire high school career, to relationships, to breakups, the death of my aunt and childhood family cat, a hospitalization, amongst many smaller trivial events. I can't express what this podcast has done for me. Call it trivial, parasocial. It sparked an interest in Ted, Schlott, Charlie's separate content careers, as well as Tucker's videos and streams now.
It introduced me to several other content creators I now enjoy, as well as featured many that were already near and dear to me. As an apparent Unus Annus fan, it does bring back some similar feelings when it ended, but I'm happy nonetheless. Happy the pod happened, that I could have been here the whole time.
All good things must come to an end. I hope the pod was an enjoyable project for everyone involved. Thank you, man. And you look fucking great for a high school graduate, by the way.
can you believe that they've been watching the podcast through his entire high school career two relationships two breakups and the death of his aunt and childhood family cat and you know i know that he says that i don't think this guy should have been dating other high schoolers man i know that wait why this
This guy, he's a super senior. He's a super senior. He's a super duper. He is a super duper booper senior, man. Oh, my God. Super duper senior. Well, maybe he's Benjamin Button. Maybe he's a Benjamin Button. He has been senior senior star quarterback for the last 16 years. So why? When he said the death of my aunt and childhood family cat, did he go?
Yeah, can we watch that back, Tucker? Absolutely. It's seen me through nearly my entire high school career, to relationships, to breakups, the death of my aunt and childhood family cat. I didn't even catch that. That's crazy. That's crazy, dude. That's nuts. Yeah, no, he definitely doesn't care about that cat. No. At all. Damn.
But we're happy to have been with you your entire high school career. You know, yeah, I was happy to see you grow. This is definitely the nicest and longest comment that we got. I hope that in college you learn a little quicker.
Thank you for watching. Thank you so much. All right. I think we got our final nice one coming up here. Chuckle Sandwich has taken me from just a kid in high school to a professional welder. Okay. It's always good to end on a high note and be remembered at your peak, like how MatPat did. And now you all will be joining him up there in YouTube heaven.
Thank you for the memory. The chocolate, the sandwiches, and all the bacon a man could ever want. Oh, I actually really do like that final line. That one was my favorite. That one was by far my favorite, I think, from the nice category because I didn't tell this guy
to do anything that he did in terms of costume and background. That's fucking awesome. He did that all himself. He saw a professional welder, and he took it all the way to the finish line. That's awesome. Yeah. Can you imagine that this is, like, a 50-year-old podcast, and this is, like, a testimonial from this guy who was, like, used to watch when he was a kid, and now he's, like... No, so this is... What I'm thinking is, like, how fun would it be as a prank to hire a bunch of, like, people...
like this or older, you know, people and have them go up to that person in the street and be like, thank you so much. I've been watching your content since I was in high school or like since I was in middle school. Yeah. Like 60, 50 year old. I would feel like I was going fucking crazy, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe like, am I immortal? Yeah. Am I an immortal being? And I just passed out for a millennium. It does make you think, though, I mean, how long we've been doing it.
It's kind of crazy in the scope of YouTube years. Yeah. I mean, like five years, I would say that is how long I've been doing it for. It's like a third of YouTube.
I've been... Fuck. Schlatt, how long have you been doing it for? No, a quarter. No, a fourth. A fourth. Yeah, yeah. I have been making videos since 2011. Okay, well... But only did it professionally since like 2018, 2018. I think that has merit. Like, you gaffed it off, Ted, but I made my first video ever this year. Like, literally never made a video as a kid ever. Yeah, yeah. Well, then in that case, I've been making videos since 2011. Yeah, you have. But like, sure, they weren't getting a million views, but you were making videos.
I think one of the first times that Tucker and I met was when I pulled him in over Skype on a YouTube video recording because I thought he was funny. Some dinosaur shooter. Yeah, it was like some dinosaur shooter game where we were both running probably 25 FPS playing that game. I think I was running that integrated graphics right there. Yeah. Yeah.
So now we've finished all the nice comments, and we love that that is generally the majority of our Chuckle Sandwich listeners. But one of the things I did notice looking through the comments is that there was a lot more angry comments than is normal on Chuckle Sandwich. Usually we're used to it from the Reddit.
Don't get me wrong. We're used to it from the Reddit. You guys are a bunch of brats on the Reddit. I keep busy with the alternate accounts. What can I say? I keep busy. Charlie's the only guy. Just making hundreds of alternate accounts. Guys, did you post... I'm sorry, because I just want to say I had no part in this. Did you post the Chuckle Sandwich death announcement video on election day? Yeah, the day we won. We thought that would be one more. Fucking crazy, dude.
dude. That was so funny. It's funny because it is funnier to say that we planned that, but that was just because of the schedule. At their lowest, you still came at them from the top rope, and I gotta respect it. That wasn't planned or anything. I remember a few days prior, Emma's the editor, so we were like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I think this is coming out on election day?
We were like, should we talk to somebody about this before we upload? It was one of those things where I think it came up and I think Tucker may have mentioned me and I was like,
They gotta find out at some point. Hey, this one has to come out on time. It has to. Yeah, I smacked him across the face and I said, we're going live on election day. At first, the title, what was it? Like, chocolate sandwiches ending or something like that? Yeah, period. Courtesy of Schlatt. That was a Schlatt. The first title started with sorry liberals, comma, what?
What happened to that? What happened to that? Well, because it was tanking. It was tanking. Because they couldn't take a joke. They don't know how to do anything. They never can. We're about to find out who can't. Yeah, that day was two big wins for me. Put it that way. Jesus.
Alright, what do we have next? Let's just say I don't wake up, I woke up. Alright, get ready guys. Don't skip ahead, Tucker. It's coming, trust me. This is so fucking stupid. All the good YouTuber podcasts fucking end, dude. It's bullshit. No Misfits anymore, no Chuckle Sandwich. Ari Schaffer ended his podcast. I guess Detractable and Go are the only ones left now. Why even bother starting one if you're gonna do this?
I don't care about your 35 channels. Most people only watch Chuckle's Nail, because they want the real you. They don't care about your content, and they never will. Schlatt, your little bullshit excuse means less than nothing. Just admit it. You're a lazy asshole. We all know it.
So what do we think of that? That was a little naughty. It doesn't seem like it's up to us. This seems very Schlatt directed. Yeah, this is targeted. I chose this one and I was like, I hope Schlatt doesn't get too offended so I had to choose the goofiest guy I could find. Where's the lie?
Damn. All right. Fair enough. I just don't want to do it anymore. Sorry, guys. That's it. Did you expect a YouTuber to do a series you like forever and ever and ever and ever? That's why I love that comment so much. Because it was like, why would you even start if you're going to dang? Why would you even? You can say that about any show of any type. What's the point of even starting it if you're going to?
This is a guy that only watches The Simpsons and Family Guy. He has no concept of things ending. Love that guy, though. Love that guy. Well, thank you. I'll take that into account next time I'm going to leave a major project. You just taught that guy about death. He didn't know. I got a couple choice words about death. He didn't know. Okay, take it away. No, you've already used him, though.
I have used them. Is this about the grandma? Yeah, he's gonna talk about the grandma in Cuomo again. Alright, what do we got next? Bring the next one up. I mean, does anybody really care? Whoa. That kinda sucks at being interesting. That kinda sucks at YouTube.
Okay. Why are you here? She's got a green screen up too and she didn't even use it. Yeah, I know. I could have put something behind her. I'm going to say something. I feel like that's more on Ted.
Oh, yeah. I'll be honest. I'll be honest. Well, it looks like she gave you the raw, like the raw to make it not interesting. Not interesting. Oh, hey, at least you're not boring. You're just not interested. I did a great job. I'll tell you what. In short, you could relate to this boring. It was more money for them to put something behind the green screen.
Yeah, it was like an upcharge of like $15 and I was like, I don't know. $15 to replace the green screen? I could do that myself, but I won't. It takes like 30 seconds. Yeah, I know. It's crazy. Yeah, Tucker just learned how to... Tucker recently learned how to edit. He's like, wait!
Yeah, I'm a green screen pro now. Yeah, no, he is. He's getting really good at it. It was a good clip, Ted. I just, I wish it was blue. Wait, why am I getting the flack right now? Not the commenter.
You feel like you're presenting. You feel like you're presenting these things right now. It feels like you're presenting. I'm just saying. I didn't write these, though. These are written by the comics. Okay, but the background, you had full control over the background. I'm just saying. I'm with Charlie here, Ted. Don't you think you could have made that clip a little more interesting? Interesting. And sorry if that's just my YouTube brain coming out. You're not very good. You're not good at, by the way, for the record. Yeah, I mean, if it's your YouTube brain coming out, maybe I shouldn't trust it.
Maybe not. I mean, maybe my 300 million views on my shorts channel alone this month. Shorts are ruining YouTube. I totally agree. I totally agree. I've been saying that around the house more lately. You've been saying that around the house? Yeah, I see some guy flaunting his million sub plaque and I'm like, dude, you're a shorts guy. Come on. Jay Slatt earned that. That's what I say. They need to literally make a different
I'll say it. We need a cast system. Yeah. We do. We need a cast system of people who have gone to a million. Dude, that million, is that a gold plaque behind you, Ted? Mm-hmm. Why is it half-sized? It's the full-size, Slatt. No, it's not. This one's half-sized. That's my one million plaque for my main channel.
This is a half size right here for Chuckle. They fucking changed it because of Shorts YouTubers. Because they made it too fucking easy to get a million subs. So now it's bullshit. I have the framed one with the little golden thing in the middle. I have the older one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're old, man. You've been doing this for a while. And dude, I'm so fucking boring. Extremely, some say.
Wait, how old are you? I'm 33. No, you're not. Yeah. It's called skin care, Tucker. No, you couldn't pay me to believe that. But if he did try to pay you, you would take that money. I was going to say. Oh, absolutely. But I know it's 33. No, I'm 26. I've been doing YouTube for like 12 years. Like, honestly, almost half. Holy shit.
Yeah, almost half your life. I would say most of my conscious years. Because I don't think I gained that shit. You've been in YouTube as long as you've been educated. I'm not. I feel like I'm still not educated.
I was 11 when I started. I'm 25 now. It's been more than half my life that this has been like, yeah. Do you ever get scared that they're going to find out you were uploading before you were supposed to? Because like, I think I was uploading like before I was supposed to. And I'm like... Imagine YouTube starts issuing out bans. Yeah, like what if they...
what if they're coming for me, dude? Like I've had nightmares about this. It's like they find out that I was like 13 when I uploaded the video. If that is like the worst thing that is, if that's the thing that keeps you up at night, you are going to heaven.
heaven because have you seen some like you're first in line at the pearly gates my guy because that is probably the tamest thing that i've ever heard give someone nightmares is that they were about it i really do because just claim ignorance you said i was 11 i didn't know
I didn't know shit. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. I'll tell you what. I remember when I was a kid, I got stopped in my... I never played Club Penguin because I got stopped in my tracks by the email portion because it was like, put your parents' email in here. And I was like, damn. Dude, they always say that. I know. I'm like, damn it. I'm going to have to have a whole conversation with my parents. And I didn't really have the processing power to determine like, oh,
They don't know what email I'm putting in here, if it is my parents or not. I could just put my own. No, I was like, they're a no. They're a no. Shlatt, did you play Club Penguin? I didn't, but I played Webkinz. We know that. Were you on Neopets, too? No, I was just on Webkinz. I think the gambling, the Wheel of Wow, and the Wishing Well kind of got me hooked. Yeah, they were good. They were huge, dude. Yeah.
I was crazy in the card dojo in the mine cart on Club Penguin. I was finding those special Puffles in the catalog every fucking week. Denny, if you remember when the red Puffle showed up, were you there for that? I don't. You had to be in early. I remember the rainbow one being a big deal. Yeah.
Alright, so what do we got next, Tucker? Alright, here we go. I mean, I know, but... You dumbasses should have just kept Charles. I hate all of you for making me like this podcast. Then fucking ruining it. Fuck both of you and your shit podcast disgusting. Spit, spit, spit, fucking gross ass shit. Delete this channel. I hate all of you bastard fucks.
But since the first 50 episodes were so good, I will forgive you for this fuckery. Goodbye. Should have just ended this shit when Charles left. It was already ruined at that point. Bye. Fuck you. Love you. Hang on. What happened at the end there? I fuck you. Love you. He said, bye. Fuck you. Love you. Yeah, no, he was incredible. He gave me two other tastes of it as well.
Charlie's got to be feeling pretty good after that one. I feel great. I feel like that was a breakup for you guys and that was like the addiction for me. I was great. I was a little worried because at some... I felt like we lived or died by his sword. Yeah, no. He was like... He seemed like...
He seemed like a judge on some sort of foreign TV show, and we did a really offensive thing to him, and he's just tearing us apart on live television. It felt like he's letting you guys go. Yeah. Yeah, I know. We were getting fired right there by this guy. Fuck you. Fuck you. Love you. Fuck you. Love you. Fuck you. That's a real troubled person.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I can't help but wonder when people write comments like that, like what is how much of that is is genuine or how much of it is just like, you know, playing up the bill? Like, I don't know. I actually don't think it's a 13 year old that has access to the Internet and isn't allowed to swear at home. So I think that's usually probably what it is. Yeah. They're not allowed to say they're not allowed to say I love you either. So they had to slip it in there. Yeah.
I believe we've got one final one. It's about to be a long one. Oh, okay. Here it comes. Well, maybe there's another one. Maybe there's another one before that. All right. Here comes the next one. We'll see. Wow. Honestly, thankful I didn't put four years into this podcast for nothing. Schlatt and Ted barely make any content, and now Chuckla's gone. Honestly, lost my support. Yeah, that was actually the second to last one. Yeah. Well...
What do you guys have to say about that for yourselves? I mean, I'm going to make more videos this coming year. And I have a daily shorts channel.
That upwards-slapped galley. I'm going to stop you. I'm going to stop you. At 12 p.m. every day. I can't defend you here. What? What's going on? The question is flat. The question is flat about the Shorts channel is, what are you going to do with the Shorts channel now that Chuckle Sandwich is ending? Yeah, that's more than half your content right there. I'm going to have to react more. Oh, my God, dude. I'm going to have to react. I'm sorry, bro.
Chuckle Sandwich has been the fucking machine running your shorts channel for quite some time now. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You didn't think about that. What if? Crazy idea. Guys, I think he wants to renew for another season. No, no, no. Crazy idea. Crazy idea. No, I did the **** and I did all the fucking shit. It's over. It's over.
Fine, okay. Yeah, that 300 million views is about to turn to 300. Yeah, you're done. Okay, here's what I'm thinking. What does a typical Chuckle Sandwich big guy clip look like? Because can't we just artificially create one right now? And probably none of your viewers would ever know. Well, just say something out of pocket, Schlatt. We can just react. Say, I think blank politician is terrible. And then someone defend it. Guys,
Now that chocolate sandwich is ending, I'm just going to say it. I'm glad Trump won. What? Are you kidding me? You can't say that. Oh, come on, Tucker. Come on, Tucker. No, no, I'm serious. Are you fucking kidding me? You can't say that. That's wrong what you said there. That's terrible. Oh, there you go. Trevor's about to run with that one. Oh, fuck. All right. So we've got one final question.
Let's hear them. Here we go. You Zoomers couldn't last longer than four years. Jeez, I'd attach a picture in picture of subway surfers to this comment to keep your attention. But apparently your undeveloped minds can't focus long enough.
Chuckle Sandwich was my AA, and you guys just ended AA. So I'm going to start handing out fentanyl to people just for fun. Eat shit, nerds. You ruined lives today.
Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So now one of our Truffle Sandwich listeners is going around in some unnamed city handing out fentanyl. It's Binghamton, New York. For fun. Yeah. Probably in Binghamton, New York. 100%. Potentially in Ithaca. Oh, definitely in Ithaca. Definitely. I'll tell you. We're definitely in...
Definitely in Cortland. Newburgh, seeing some. Syracuse. Basically any upstate city in New York. Anything west of Albany and north of Albany. Yeah. All the way in Ooyah and Baa Baa. Definitely. And all those in between dilapidated barn-filled villages. Oswego. Oswego. Oneonta. Forget them, dude. Yeah.
They're bumming out hard. Yeah. Question, Ted. When you went to hire these people, what was this guy's description? I will read text off a screen for $2. Like, how much did this guy make? I'm the angry video game nerd, and I got trapped in a time machine that sent me. I don't know if he also gave you guys that energy he did for me. He's never played a video game in his life. He looks like he has a lot of hobbies, though. He does.
His order thing was, I will create a relaxed conversational video looking to the side. I've never seen a frown go deep. And it was $10. And he says, and one of the things that he did say, though, which I felt bad about, was after I bought it,
In his description, he said, I will not read anything word for word. And I was like, well, that's a problem. And I was like, okay, this isn't going to need to be a huge deal. Can you please read it word for word? And he was like, fine. And then he asked me what PIP meant. And I was like, I think it's picture in picture. And then he just gave me that. He's about to be picture in picture.
I know that it's... I hope this is okay to say. I know that it's like the lines on his mouth, but from far away, it looks like his frown goes beyond his face. It looks like he's so upset at us. I think that's because it kind of does, Charlie. He's been frowning for decades. Oh, man. Because of us, dude. Can you guys do that? Can you... I really can't. I don't even think I can really frown. Hang on. I don't think I can really frown. Hmm.
It's even better when you have the stache. Like, Ted, you look real good doing it. Yeah, Ted looks incredible. I can't frown. Charlie, you kind of just look like a fucking Joker from Bellaccio right now. You look like you're smelling something bad. You look like you're just a common Joker. Charlie looks like in that one, he looks like that one animation where it's like, I'm the fucker.
Joker. You know what I'm talking about? You call me a common Bellatro Joker. That's the most fucked up thing. I'm going to make you look like a misprint. But I mean, what do we think? I mean, you know, we had a lot of...
We had a lot of beautiful natural chucklers that came in. A lot of beautiful naturals. And thank you for assembling them, Ted. Even though that breaks my four-year streak of never having looked at the comment section once. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. No, Tucker, I actually can't believe it. You believe it? I do.
Once Ted started pinning this is the perfect podcast to blank since episode like three, the comment section was ruined for the entirety of the podcast. I really poisoned the well for sure. Yeah, no, I definitely poisoned the well. I would like to say something. It's been bothering me the whole episode that Ted's hat is blue.
Yeah, are you kidding me? I've been thinking that too. I've been thinking that too. Who wears a blue hat? Oh, he looks like a fucking moron. I think you asked for a green or red one on DoorDash, and I think they gave you a blue one, and you were just hoping no one would say anything. I'm going to make you even more disappointed. I just saw a blue Santa hat, and I was like, that looks like it'll be fine. It isn't fine. I'm going to solemnly shake my head at that. Uh-oh.
And that's the first thing I thought when Ted turned his camera on. I got this cool necklace on. I got a Santa shit. The necklace is cool. I do like the necklace. I do like the necklace. The necklace is cool. I felt like this was a good one. I mean, one year I literally just had like a fucking jacket on and I put like ribbons on myself. I think that was like the first holiday special. I just put ribbons on myself. Do we not remember that when I put ribbons on myself? Oh, I remember that.
Remember when I put ribbons on myself? They really liked it when you put ribbons on yourself. I still remember the first special where I called you guys from inside a Christmas box, I think. Yeah. I don't know how I could ever really top that.
To be honest. No, it's okay. I don't think anyone expected you to top that. That was a strange moment. I was like, what? Dude, you went really above and beyond for this. Whoa, it looks like Charlie didn't do a damn thing the first time. No, no, no. Tucker, you don't understand. For the first one, Charlie emerged out of a present. Yeah, go to the beginning of this video. You look great. Yeah, I like your little bows, actually. Wow, that looks incredible. Your naughty hat's wonderful, too. Wow, you're... You used to be...
Why are you used to talking so much about money? Dude, Schlatt got so much hotter over the years. Did I really? Yes. You look great, man. You look great. Well, this was my man bun era, too. So under that hat was something devious. Yeah, that thing was a little greasy. It's kind of crazy how in two months I have a bigger mustache than Schlatt.
Whoa. You didn't have to say that out loud. I don't know. I was thinking it. Yeah, I just have a bigger mustache than Schlatt. It's okay. I wish I had your genes to grow a mustache like that. My philtrum is bare. You see it? My philtrum. I can't grow my philtrum. The fact that you know that word means you've been Googling why can't I grow my mustache right here. Midoxidil effects on philtrum. I have a sigma philtrum.
Oh. I'm seeing that. Yeah, but there's the present. Charlie put himself inside... No, I remember this. ... nuts. I think I made clips of this. It was crazy. We had no idea what he was gonna do, and then he emerged out of it. This was actually so difficult to set up. Like a beast. Look at this! I had to cut coals in the cardboard so that my hands could break through the paper.
Yeah, no, it was incredible. It was the best way you could have... It was not the word I'd use. I'd say fucking boring. I was so bored. Oh, because of the comment. Oh, because of the comment? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Extremely boring. Yeah, that was probably one of our most entertaining cold opens we've ever had. Oh, thank you. Oh, yeah. No, I feel bad that I didn't bust out of the present.
You know, well, do we do we have anything else to talk about or should we just like fucking end this shit? Huh? I don't know. What do you guys do on this fucking thing now? Like in these regular episodes? I don't know what we do on these anymore. You know, like what is a regular? Yeah. This is our first podcast we've recorded since October. So he's happy that I don't know what we do on this anymore. You know, it feels like a rebirth. Like you just had to show up.
You just had to show up. It feels like a rebirth of sorts. I feel like I'm entering into a new, better time. Dude, you're in there. The rebirth's almost coming. You're playing with the placenta, and soon you're going to slide right out, man, into a new, beautiful life. And I'm looking at the little tube that's coming out of my belly. I'm just kind of jerking it a little bit. That's right. I hate the placenta visuals that we're operating with right now. Jerking your billicle cord. I'm floating. Jerking the billicle. What? So, baby...
Speaking of strange visuals for Chuckle Sandwich, did you guys see the Chuckle fan art that they posted on the Reddit recently? Pull up this one. It has like, it has like, Schlatt and I and I think maybe Charlie sucking on Tucker's teat like he's a golden fucking hog. Can I tell you what I was thinking? You don't understand. This is insane. Look at this. What is this?!
Hey, that's a sandwich, baby. That's Swag and I sucking on Tucker's and Tidy Whitey's or maybe a diaper or something. For one more.
That's incredible. Dude, you look great in here, man. I look fertile, dude. Now that I'm realizing it, I guess I've never really seen that section of your torso before. So I guess... It could be accurate. It could be accurate. Are you taking commissions? Insane. Insane, bro.
No, it's beautiful. It's natural. What do you guys... So, as we go into the new year, we're the final... What is it? The final three... Because this is the last... Just so you guys know, this is the last episode of 2024 of Chuckle Sandwich. And then there's three more. And then Chuckle Sandwich is over. This is incorrect. We're going to get at least one out. What? This Reddit post on the top of all time. Oh.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Technically, yeah. It'll be like the day after he enters office. One. One will post. It'll be one episode of Chuckle Sandwich. Flat made sure that we got that. One last kiss farewell. Yeah. That is crazy, though. It is weird to think about that because, yeah, no, Chuckle Sandwich started in 2021. Oh, God.
Almost four years ago. That is crazy to think about. It was literally just a fucking notion of an idea. I remember listening to the first episode. I was like, hey guys, you want to do this? They were like, yeah, as long as you do everything. Then over the years, I have slowly pushed off all those responsibilities.
You became just what you sought to destroy, Ted. I never sought to destroy you. You became just like the rest of us. Well, I mean, with the new project Tucker and I have, I might be becoming the Schlatt. No. I might be becoming the Schlatt. No, no, no, no, no. And just wait, Tucker. Just wait. If you're comfortable with that, hey, if you're comfortable with me telling your family that you've become the Schlatt,
Schlaz is pretty rich, so I think they'll be like, Schlaz is pretty rich. So we're going to be getting our Martha's Vineyard house pretty soon then. That's what they're going to be saying. Yeah. My mom asked me for a vineyard sometimes. Really? And I said, Mom, no, I can't. Wait, your mom asked you for a house on the Martha's Vineyard or they asked you for a whole fucking wine vineyard? No, she wants a vineyard, a wine vineyard.
That's a totally different piece of property. Yeah, I don't know how much money she thinks I have, but it's not there yet. Is she going to work the vineyard? Yeah, she would make wine. And I'm like, my, you've never done that in your entire life. She's got a plan, man. Why are you? You just drive out to the North Fork once a year and you do wine tastings. You don't know how all the work it takes. If you tasted that wine, you'd know.
Oh, Jesus. Okay. Take a trip up there. Maybe. Maybe one day. It'll change you. Maybe one day. You'll gain 10 pounds that week. Sounds like you're set to die with a lot of money, Schlatt. No, I'm dying with zero. Not what I'd recommend. There we go. I'm dying with zero. Oh, yeah. Nothing in the bank account. Zero friends. Zero family. Zero friends.
Zero loves. Well, you didn't make me. You suggested to me a book called Die With Zero about how you should die with zero. And I read it. And now I'm like, maybe I should die with zero. Yeah, you can't take it with you. Can't take it with you. Can't take it with you. Amen. So what do you guys hope for the new year? Bigger. Like what? Charlie's bigger in his factory. He's bigger in his company. Why'd you lick your lips? A lot bigger. A lot bigger.
Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't mind getting a little bigger, too. I have a contraption. Do you? You have a contraption? Eight hours a day. In the contraption? Seven days a week. You're going to spend eight hours a day in a contraption to make you bigger? Strict regiment. Five pound... You're fucking dunking donuts? Is that the contraption? Five pound incremental increases every two months. Okay. Mm-hmm.
Contraption. Deep stretch. Deep stretch. Very good. This is, I don't know. It's like a jelking joke for your penis. Oh, shit.
Should we say some final Christmas wishes to the Chucklers before we wrap up here, folks? No, we can't end like this. The subreddit's going to get all up in arms again if we end like this. You're right. Okay, okay. I have an idea. I have an idea. Starting it, we go Schlatt, me, Ted, Tucker. One word at a time. We write and slash say a Christmas blessing of good fortune. Ooh, I like that. Okay? All right. Easy. You start, Schlatt. Thank you for...
Tucker, don't fuck us up. Oh, I didn't know I was going. Oh my God. This happens every fucking time. You're the last one. I didn't know that's what you... It's Schlatt. It's Schlatt, then Charlie, then me, then you, Tucker. And then it keeps going through. Please do it again. I don't know why I ever pitched doing this. From the top. Thank us. Please. For. Everything. And. Make. Yourself. Erect. Then.
unsheath your second option before you start stroking. Period. Thank you guys so much for listening to Jungle Sandwich! Wow, I mean...
I shouldn't say anything. I don't, I'm not on this podcast. I don't know. You don't even go here. You don't even go here. I don't even live here. I'm like cradling at your guys' house for the day. Like I don't fucking, I don't know why I started out drawing it. We got three left and they're super good. And I'm excited. Super duper. That last one. Oh,
Yeah, that last one is going to be legendary. I'm so excited for you guys to see these last episodes. We got a good guest for the next episode. We got a great guest for the last guest episode. And we've got a fan-fucking-tastic final episode of Chuckle Sandwich lined up for you guys. We've been doing a lot of work preparing for those. And so we're excited to end it strong. We love you to death. And Merry Christmas.
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