Jerry Seinfeld | Club Random with Bill Maher
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LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Hey, Club Random fans, guess what I did? I wrote a damn book. It's called What This Comedian Said Will Shock You, and it's available for pre-order now where you get your books or at simonandschuster.com. When I first saw Monty Python when I was a kid, I lost my mind. Like, this is everything that I want. Club Random.

If I could have just been a pure stand-up and never done anything else. But you're already known as the purest of the pure stand-ups. I must tell you, I got up this morning. It was like Christmas morning. No, really. I felt that Christmas morning vibe because Jerry Seinfeld's going to be here forever.

I got it. I am excited, too. I got excited, too. I've been excited for a couple of days. It looks odd that we're talking about being excited in this position with each other. Sit down. There's a stripper ball right there. I see. But you'll never guess who just called me.

I just talked to him, too. But I said, yeah, I haven't seen him in a while. I really would love to get together. Maybe the three of us when you're out. That'd be amazing. So that's what's good about these shows, though, which I'm sure you've already discovered. And I discovered with the comedians in cars, people I can't, I can't, I'm not calling people up and hanging out. But if you do a show. I said it every week. Yeah. Yeah.

Both people who I know, like you, who are like, exactly, why are we here? Because we're forced to. We're not. It's just this crazy force of thing that makes us, we don't need the money. You don't need the promotion, although we'll certainly do what we can. Thank you. But the other thing is, I don't know how you feel. I think you might be a little different this way, but I don't like to be around people not working.

The working is kind of this base. It's like a baseline current. It's like a beat. It's like I can hang out with almost any comic if we're here to do a gig. If we're just if I'm here just to enjoy your company, that's not good to me. No, the art. It's not going to be good enough. Your company, you know, I can get a set in and chat and screw and get some new material. Yeah, I mean, I could take that the wrong way, but I'm not going to. Yes, I can.

completely see the point about and set it to about work but also to while you are working do exactly what you would be if you were not working in other words if we were let's go over that again if we if we were just here and we weren't working we i want this conversation to be zero different oh that won't happen that can't happen because uh i mean

Yes. I'm a savvy professional. Do you think I don't know that if I say something stupid, it won't... Okay, I can do it. No, even you are a savvy. You are also the savviest professional. What do you weigh right now, Bill? What do you weigh? Why is that a relevant question? What's the name of the show? Club Random. You're right. What do you weigh? I think probably 152 today. 152.

What? Today. Today. It varies. Yeah, me too. I weigh 166 today. And what were you in 1979? In 79, I was probably 150, probably the same. But I think you're slightly smaller. I don't know. Over time, or you mean compared to you?

Yes. It's a frame. Yeah, you're a little bigger. A little bit, yeah. Also ego. Yes. Well, I don't know. That's a close race. Let's... Well, listen, before I forget, what can I get Jay for his birthday? I mean, the man, you have everything. You're a great star. Never get tired of that. Do you ever get tired of that? No one else ever said those words.

but don you're a great star i know i only say it to you i love it no one else i love it but i want you so bad but uh she took the necklace off and the head hits the sink some of those things they made no sense you know drop your pants and fire a rocket well he didn't want to say fire a rocket out of my ass that's what he wanted to say oh he was very very clean which is interesting because he well that he had those little uh what what do we call them uh

He would just kind of bend the rules, let's say, for television. Oh, yes. But yeah, drop my pants and fire a rocket out of my ass. That's what you're supposed to finish it in your head. I didn't even know that was a thing. Oh, sure. Well, I loved it as a kid, no matter what he did. And he certainly would be the...

eminently cancelable today oh let's not oh i promise you i saw him you can't move him from yes from then to now without him modulating he wouldn't have you don't know that he's he's gonna want to work i think the man likes to work but okay but i saw him doing it like later than it should have but i saw him opening yeah yeah that was a miscalculation right yeah

Anyway, I wanted... This is so... Bill, I'm so touched. You don't even know what it is yet. Don't worry, I'm not really touched. What it is, well...

I hope you were touched by what I gave you at your 60s. I was. I put it very prominently in my little den, the metal rabbit. I love it. And I look at it, and I think of you, and it's too much. Because you really... Well, and it's true. And let me tell the people. Oh, gosh. Do we have to? Oh, really? You're going to tell them? You don't want to? All right, go ahead. It's okay.

I mean, it's not a big deal. It was very sweet and very nice. But it limbs, I think, for an audience who you really are to us, the comedians. I had a rabbit made. By the way, they don't make rabbits. I had to have it made because you can get a bunny on Amazon. Bunnies are all over, but not like the rabbit in motion.

And the idea was Jerry was always the rabbit among the comedians. He was the leader of the pack. We were all chasing. And it was inscribed, the rabbit we never caught. What, you don't remember that? Of course I do. You said it like, oh. I don't think I read it. Does it say that on there? It does. Oh, I never read it. I'll go home right after this and read it. You just remember me saying it at the start? Yes, yes. That's interesting.

Wow. Well, anyway, that's exactly who you are, always were. You've also been a great friend. You know, you were there when I did the first week of Politically Incorrect. You didn't have to. You flew to Washington on your wife's birthday in 2014 when I needed a guest on television.

When we did our special show in D.C., you remember that? That's right, when you did the stand-up special. And I certainly have vivid memories of, like, one time I got off stage at the comic strip and I had tried, like, all this new material. Right. It was my first year. Right. And I remember you, I look back and I think, you must have been thinking, you fucking idiot. But you were nice enough to be like, you know, you should just try one or two of those things. Yeah.

And it was advice I needed to get and probably did not follow for another three years. But I went through all my file from 1979 because I thought, where can I get the person who has everything, got the amazing career, the perfect wife, the great family, the adoration of a grateful nation, and

The only thing I could get you is to amuse you and give you a memory or bring back a memory. So here's my show and tell box. Look at this from 1979. What is it?

Comedy Hour, Biltmore & Company. I don't know why I'm in company. It's my first year in comedy. Yeah. But look at the time. 1230 to 130. 1230 to 130. Well, you can't give me this. I'm not giving it to you. There is something I do want to give you. Oh, okay. That I've treasured for 50 years, 60 years. 60? Yeah, yeah. It's from the, it's 1964. Oh.

12.30, the fact that we were doing shows. All the time. And this is, well, 12.30 would be a bad time to do the show, a.m. or p.m., but this was noon. This was a nooner. Okay, so, all right, so here's the thing I want to have framed if you like it for you. See if you can see what this is. I bet you you are here. Oh, yes. I'm a pack rat. You're not.

Oh, my God. Do you know what that is? Of course I know what it is. Really? I love this more than anything, yes. Were you there? I live for it. I went many, many times, and I have quite a bit of memorabilia myself. Anything blue and orange that says World's Fair on it, I have it. Not anything. Well, that is the map that told you where all the pavilions and everything was at the 1964 World's Fair. Which...

Oh, let's let's be honest, Bill. What? And say there's a sadness to what the world seemed like to us at this time, what we thought it was, what everybody wanted it to be. Right. I was looking at this the other day. I see like, you know, the GM Pavilion for and I thought, you know,

Nobody bitched about every fucking thing back then. Now, every pavilion would have somebody in front of it like, you know, you're making oil and you can't, you know, like nobody would just enjoy the fucking. Well, it's Jimmy Brogan's great heckler line that he used to do when people would start to heckle. He would always say, I'm sorry, we don't have microphones for everyone. Remember that line? No, I don't. Unfortunately, that's what happened.

Right. That's what happened. And yes, it ruined everything. But how do you have this? By the way... Because I'm a pack rat. I'm the opposite of you. This is a map of the World's Fair. It looks like an architectural...

No, I think they gave it to you so that you could know where, you know, hey, I'm here at the Finland Pavilion. No, really. And we want to get to Muriel Cigars before lunch. We want to get to Muriel Cigars? I remember walking around here and at one point being very tired and my feet were hurting. Yes. Remember how boring the countries were? Yeah.

I don't want to see any countries. Let's go to the world of... Well, the Caribbean, you'll see that was on there. That was kind of a good one. Do you remember the stories of the kids that got lost in there and their parents left them there and they were living off the coins in the fountain? Right.

Do you eat corn dogs? I don't remember that, but I do remember kids getting lost there. Well, if you're going to give this to me? I want to have it framed and then give it to you. Yes, I would love it, and I'll put it up on my wall. Because this means a lot to me. And you can look at it endlessly. Yeah. Because it's so intricate, and they have all the... Incredible. Oh. Thank you, Billy. That's lovely. See? You can't get that at Sears. No, no. So, funny that you mentioned Jimmy Brogan. This is what I took out of...

uh, TV guide in 1979 year. I met you at the clubs. Uh, I, I've kept every one of the fall preview issues of TV guide that had all the new shows. You know what I'm talking about? Of course. And that was like, that was a big event for me when I was a kid, the fall shows. Yeah. Like this one, I do not remember, but this is, um,

A man called Sloan, Robert Conrad. Wow. I loved him. I wanted to be him. Yeah. What a stud. Stars as Thomas Remington Sloan III, a stylish cosmopolitan, an unnervingly effective globe-circling secret agent, not unlike James Bond, who reports directly to the President of the United States. But look who's at the bottom. Out of the blue with Jimmy Brogan. And cut that out because...

It was like, wow, I know a guy in TV Guide. Right. Like that really... See, like I said, like there was nobody else here. I read for Trapper John so many times. What? I don't know why. They kept reading me. They never put me on the show. I was desperate to get on in the 80s. So here it is. Trapper John? Trapper John. I didn't know you read for...

Guest starring a couple of times. Yeah, I know you did the Benson. Yeah regular. Yes. Well, I did three episodes I thought it was like seven. No, I was three and they fired me. Oh Mercifully, that's very close to the guy who didn't sign the Beatles. Yeah, you know, oh sorry, that's all right, by the way drink You don't drink. We just drink but it's a little early and I'm driving it. Oh, you're driving you drove yourself. Yeah Yeah

but we know how you feel about cars. Yeah, I drove an old Mercedes-Benz diesel here. I mean, I just, that level of car, I mean, I guess Jay has it too. Level of car enthusiasm. Yeah. I don't want to talk about that. I don't either. I don't like to, I know it's not of any interest, but. But to your credit, you made it interesting to me on the show, like when you did those Acura commercials. A little bit. Yeah, you got a little interested. I

Well, not enough to pursue it, but I was interested in the connection you had between the person and the car, why you felt that was, I thought was elegant. Yeah, people like that. I never understood the one you picked me up in. It was a German police car. It was for one joke, which is it was a VW police car because this is, you're someone who seems to have a lot of power and has none.

And I thought that's what that car is, a VW police car. You're police, but you can't catch anybody. Well, yeah, I guess. I noticed that in that show, though, in your own kind of Seinfeldian way, you did become such a truth teller. Obviously not political the way I do it, but you just used your political capital to

from the first show. Right. I felt like, you know, the popularity that you would accrue to like go, well, I'm just going to say what the fuck I want. And it's not always going to be that pleasing to everybody. And that's, so to me, the most refreshing thing in show business. Yeah, but it wasn't, it was nothing really...

I suppose it was a little more revealing than what people had known prior, but not that much. Really? I don't know. What have you? That's what I think. Oh, okay. I mean, just because you weren't playing from a script like in the show. I mean, that's a character, first of all, obviously close. But, you know, the situations were so absurd. Right. And they were ridiculous that it was a show about nothing. Nothing. It was a show about everything. Right, yeah. And all those. Right. That's not.

And then now you're just talking to somebody and they're saying, you know, like, what do you think you owe your kids? Nothing. Right. You just, you know, you said things about like family and stuff like that. That was like, oh, wow. Yeah. Well, that's what this show is, what you've accomplished with this show, because I thought nobody has always been more...

I don't want to use the word transparent, but we probably know more about your opinions than any other celebrity out there. And yet on this show, there was a whole other world of stuff that I can't believe. I still can't believe. When you were on with, I think it was Mamet, and you got into a thing about the...

The battery shortage in Germany, that they were trying to go electric when they kind of overshot it. And I'm going, how does this guy stop at that article in the paper? And they're like, yeah, I need to know more about the German power grid. Stop. You don't think you know...

about many many things no i don't not like you really no i watched the show to see what does bill know that i didn't know he knew and i'm always blown away wow that one was amazing and then you talk with that other guy about the bible you know all about the bible i'm old i know but your your brain is your brain is worthy of uh all the attention it gets

We'll finish your thoughts. Yes. Um, no, I, I, I think you're amazing. I'm enjoying you as much now. You're such a Sphinx. I didn't even know you ever saw this show. I watch everyone. I, how do I know these things? I texted you about doing this. You never texted me back. I texted you back. No. Love to. I'm a fan of the show. Oh yes. That originally, then, then I texted you about a month ago and said, uh,

What about when you're doing the promoting the Pop-Tart movie? And I didn't hear back. Your people got back and said, yeah, he's going to do it. I was like thrilled, but it's like... Because I already told you I want to do it. I know, but most people are not quite... See, again, I'm a Rat Pack. You are the guy who is... There's no extra...

No extra. I do like that. I love no extra. Yeah, I mean, I think, to quote one more thing that I quoted before about the Paul Simon song, that I always think that is you. And it's such an amazing song, One Trick Pony. And you're anything but a one trick pony because you've been successful. And when you did reinvent the talk show, you had your series and you've done movies.

But there's that middle part. He makes it look so easy, look so clean. He moves like God's immaculate machine.

He makes me think about all these extra moves I make and all this herky-jerky motion and the bag of tricks it takes to get me through my working day. I feel like I'm the herky-jerky guy. Well, you're not. And you're the guy who's just gliding through with no extra and no baggage and no stupid mistakes. That song, by the way, hit me like that, too. I thought, that's everything I want to be, what he's describing.

I'd go, that's it. That's what I wanted. You don't think you are that? I don't try. I don't know. I mean, you were always like more mature than the rest of us. Like back in the day. What did you do that was immature, professionally speaking? We all knocked around. Professionally and personally. Many things. Not professionally.

Yeah, absolutely professional. I used to piss off the crowd, so they hated me so much, no matter what kind of joke I told them, no matter how funny it was, they would never laugh. That's the most unprofessional thing you can do. I remember once at the Comedy Cellar, the emcee getting on after me and saying to the audience, okay, that bad man is gone now.

That is absolute... No run fest, I think it was. That bad man is gone now. Yeah. I was very... Okay, I consider that just...

No. Creative experimentation that you need. No, no. No, no. It was totally a function of a bad attitude. Your bad attitude has matured into... Yes, I hope. Totally. You're one of the most successful people in the history of television and stand-up comedy. I have been on a long time. Yes.

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When I saw Mike Tyson in his prime, when he cut the hole in the hotel towel and had no socks and no stool and black shorts with nothing on them, I thought, that's what I want to be. Oh, my God. And recently, just a few years ago, I don't know what it was, I said, why do I have these different colored ties and suits?

I go, I'm just wearing a black suit and a black tie from now on. I just felt so calm. We visited Japan last December. I was so happy there. I connected so strongly with that ethic of their culture of just...

focus and simplicity and singularity of purpose, you know. I do like that. And I have done these other things. And I have to say, it's all with a component of reluctance. I do it to think, I think I could do that, you know, like the movie. Like, I think I could do that. Or let's do a different type of talk show. I think I might be able to do that. But it's not really what I wanted.

If I could have just been a pure stand-up and never done anything else. But you're already known as the purest of the pure stand-ups. That's your... That is like your... And it's real. And by the way, this leads me to something I feel nervous about telling you. I feel like you're the confessor to this. But like after this year, I'm going to stop doing it. Really? Well, I could go back. I don't want to make like a big announcement or something. Go ahead. Well, I mean...

I'm doing a special at the end of the year. Right. It'll be my 13th for HBO. That's a lot. That's a lot. And I just feel like you've got to, I don't know, you know, first of all...

I put a lot of time and effort into it because, as you know, stand-up is like playing the cello. You can't just walk up there. You have to stay in practice. And I do. And I've always loved it. And I'm always working on it. But I have a show. I don't know how you kept it up during the show, or frankly, why. But you did. Because they fed each other, first of all. It was so great. And also because I love it. Yeah.

I can be the loosest. The show is great, but there's constrictions there. This is looser. But what's looser than just you people paid to see me? Even if you don't like it, you kind of have to laugh. You have to get your money's worth. The way you stay in a movie, even if it sucks. I don't want to walk out. My father would pay $2 to see a movie and hate it and wouldn't leave until I got my damn mother's grave. He waited until it came to the theater.

theater, you know, where there's one theater in Bergen County where the movies would come late. And so they'd be like two bucks. Yeah. All right. Let's get back to it. Yeah. So, you know, but if I don't have to practice the cello eight hours a day, I can do, you know, I might want to do some of these kind of things live. That's kind of an interesting option that people do nowadays. Oh, right. You know, and then it's kind of an event where

Interesting. You know? Yeah, it's not crazy. It's not crazy. It's not crazy. It's not crazy. I mean. The landscape of the business, which is one of the things I love about the business, is everybody's like, what is going on? You know, what do we do? What are we supposed to do? What's so-and-so doing? Why is he doing that? Should I do that? I love that endless grind. Everybody's always on the phone, you know?

You mean like what's happening in the business? Yeah, did you see what so-and-so did? What did you think of that? Right. Streaming and, you know. And I think perhaps for you, for whatever feels right for you at this point is what's right. But after 40 years, that's why I don't want to make an announcement. This is my final, because I might change my mind. It might be like cutting off a limb, and I have to go back to it. How do you view the show? How do you view real-time?

And, you know, how old are you now? Sixty something?

Jerry, I'm always hot on your heels. Okay. Well, whatever it is. There's a year and a half behind you. Whatever it is. Do you ever look forward or do you stay focused? Only forward. Only forward. But, I mean, do you think, you know, maybe another five? No, I can't. Jerry of the Lorne Michaels line, I asked him, how much longer do you think you'll do SNL? He says, you know, I think it'll get to the point that I'll feel like I'm slowing down and I don't have the same –

I don't have the same enthusiasm for it. And he says, when I get to that point, I'll do five more years. And I love that answer. I love that answer. I would love for us to compare notes. Who is more addicted to show business, you or me? Because I love it to death today as much as even more. Everything else in life for me has fallen away, has gone gray.

I mean, I loved having kids, and that whole side of my life has been great. But you always have to say that, you know. But if you're just talking about work, let's just talk about work. We can chyron it, Jerry. You know, I love show business as much today as ever, if not more, because I tried every other goddamn thing. But you say you don't love show business, you love stand-up.

That's show business. I know, but it's that one aspect. Again, you're such a minimalist. You're so direct with everything that everything peels away. No extra things. And that's you. That's why I think you will do it till you drop. I will. I will. And maybe I will too. I don't know. It's a tough decision, but I also feel like

it's easy as you get older to not do new things, and that's what keeps you young. I think that's part of the reason I want to do this. Definitely. Because, look, when we're doing a podcast, if you said to me 10 years ago even, you know, the big thing in show business is going to be basically AM radio. Right. I would have said you're crazy. Right. And yet, I mean, you talk about

too many people at the beginning of the marathon right clogging the road right i mean there's like four million podcasts in america and but no one's doing this one i know but it it's it would be like if johnny carson when we watched him had you know um four million like

late night shows that people had that they you know maybe only 500 watch this one and a thousand watch this one but his rating cumulatively all of all those tiny ants sucking a little bit away would have left him not with 17 million which he had at his height but you know something much more modest that's the problem with so many podcasts no

Why? First of all, you're doing the thing that you hate the most, which is moving people around in chronology. If Johnny Carson was, forget that. We're here now. You're you. We're here now. It doesn't matter what he would have done or what matters is this makes. Go ahead. Finish your point. What year is that? 1979. Carson must stay.

What a baller he was, right? I mean, just to have the headlines about what you're... But you're right. He would not... I mean, as great as he was, he would not survive today. He was just... That show breathed way too much for the current audience.

Right, I know. Yes, I... Who cares? The world wouldn't make him today. Right. They don't make those guys anymore. No. They don't make George C. Scott anymore. You know what loomed large in our world, even as late as 1964, because it was 20 years after, but World War II was like...

My childhood, I look back, it was like everything. My parents were in it. TV shows were about it. Right. Hogan's Heroes and McHale's Navy and Combat. And didn't you kind of feel also as a kid, I just missed it? I mean, it was when I played Army, I played World War II. And there was no nuance to it. We were good. Yes. They were bad. Yeah. And, you know, I mean. It was like a big hug musical.

That's what World War II was. Here's a musical for everyone, you know. Yeah, and everyone was involved in it. Like nobody was ever like, I'm just doing something different these days. World War II. But anyway, I'm still not quite to the essence of why it feels right to you to not do it anymore.

I don't know. Because it's the cello. And are you travel and writing? How much time? No, I love it. How do you do a TV show and do any stand-up stuff? I mean, I'm not married, no kids. All my time is mine. Right. So that's one way. I like that. I mean, you know me. I think we're very similar to this. I love the tinkering. I love the...

I put that word in front of this thing and I move this over here. It's like putting together a Rubik's cube. Yes, exactly. And I move this here and now it all fits. You know, for six months it was good, but now it's great because I feel bad for those audiences that last six months. But it's the same way in a relationship. I always felt like, oh, if I only knew what I learned on her. Yeah. Yeah.

with you, I would have been a lot better with you. Yes, yes. But I can't, you know, we can't reverse time. But you didn't answer my question about real time. What was that? Which is, do you think of how many years, first of all, you're at it, how many, 25 years?

Real time. Starting with politically incorrect? Well, it's 31. Okay, 31. That counts. Oh, I know. I know. So what do you think? Well, I certainly wouldn't want to quit now because I feel like I'm at the top of my game. Absolutely. And lots of people tell me that, and that's why I put out this book, Jerry. I signed it to you also. How'd you do that? The Strike. With the same glasses even. The Strike. It's amazing. The Strike. The Strike.

I had five months to, and it's just, it's all the editorials we do at the end. Wow. That I put together in a way that made sense. Of course you did. No, I put a lot of work into this. I'm sure you did. Shut up.

Um, but, uh, I, I think what standup is for you is what writing that editorial at the end of the show is for me. Oh, okay. That's well, that piece I never, ever miss. Oh, thank you for the writing for the flow of it. The consistency, uh, is shocking. Your, your level of consistency is shocking. And, uh, it's, it's the best comedy monologue every week that anyone does.

And you even make a point on top of being funny, which is, you know, usually a point no one else is making. Right. That's, I mean, it's very easy. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. I mean, this is Christmas morning for me now, but, uh,

I mean, other shows I feel like are partisan one way or the other. I rarely hear a thought that I haven't heard anywhere else. You know, they will amplify it and get it. But their audience doesn't want to. The audience today just mostly wants to hear what they already believe.

And they were, yes, Trump's an asshole and Trump is an asshole. And I certainly have done my share of jokes about that. But I am always trying to say something that's not breaking this news story, but breaking a new way of looking at a news story. Right. And, you know, consider this. And, um,

Oh, it's just fantastic. Thank you. It's fantastic. Well, I appreciate it. You know what? I don't know. When you would go on Larry King, that was always so great. Yeah, I loved that. It was great. That show, don't you think there's a hole for that show? I think it's Joe Rogan. I think Joe, what? You just put your hands up. No, what I'm getting at is what was, I thought special about that show was it was 9 o'clock.

Every night at 9 o'clock, Larry King was going to be sitting with someone who could probably be of interest. Yes. And that was a great TV. That was great TV. The set, I thought was – I loved the multicolored dots, the blackness.

You know, not like he was the greatest interviewer in the world, but he was good. Well, but that's why I compared him to Joe Rogan, because they're both minimalists. Both of them do zero research by their own admission. Right. Like, it's like they just, I think Joe would say the same thing Larry said. I want to be the audience. I want to be the guy who knows nothing about you. I know, but he's on for three and a half hours.

Larry King is, you know, it's on at nine. You're wandering around the house. You're looking for something to do. Who's on Larry King? Right. That was a great thing. I can't believe they haven't tried to replace that. I don't know who would do it, but... Well, they did. Piers Morgan did it for a minute. Yeah, he wasn't right. I don't think it's the fact that there's nobody...

I think it's the fact that the audience is different. I mean, we don't have – that was one of the last shows – well, it wasn't really a hearth show, but like in our – It was. It was a hearth show. Okay. So like in our youth, but not to the level like in our youth, like when there was three channels and all the new shows were in that issue of TV Guide. Mm-hmm.

Like, the family had a communal experience with television. Don Rickles, you know. We all remember, like, it was an event when he was on The Tonight Show. Especially in the summer when we could stay up. The famous one where he threw him in the Japanese bath. Yeah. I mean, it was amazing that throw, by the way, that he was able to do that. Well.

Why are you saying it was fade? It was quite a jujitsu that he... Oh, Johnny threw him. Yeah, when Johnny threw him in there. Johnny was a minotaur.

mean bastard and like, don't fuck with Johnny. I mean, that's the other thing about Johnny. I mean, he could be terrible to people. Everyone at that level should be terrible to people. No, you don't mean that. You're not terrible to people. I'm not. I'm not. But when you hear someone is, I can't believe anybody thinks anything of it. I think there's levels to it. And I don't think everybody is. I think he was just...

Especially when he drank. I mean, he just had a really mean side to him. I mean, he could close off. I read that biography by Bushkin. Remember? Right, yeah. Bombastic Bushkin. And I felt it was so true. I don't know it's true, but everything I know about Johnny and it wasn't kissing his ass and it wasn't covering anything up.

You know, he said he was just as cold as that. His mother was like very cold to him. But in a way, it made it easier to watch him. I can't watch people that want me to fill that need for them. I can't do it. I agree. They're exhausting. I totally agree. Just a bombastic Bushkin. Don't you think that that joke was his intense jealousy of Dr. Vinny Boombatz?

Rodney's great doctor. I think Carson loved that joke so much, he wanted his own. And of course, he would steal when it suited him. I'm telling you, that's what I mean. He was just a badass. He broke into his wife's apartment. You know that? I don't know. That's in the book. It's like when they were going through the divorce. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, did really badass things. I don't know if that's badass. It's just bad.

Yeah. Well, I'm just saying you didn't fuck around with him. And yes, I do remember. What did you say? What did he do? That bombastic Bushkin was. Oh, I wish I was a thief. He loved Dr. Vinny Boombaz. But he stole the answer man from Steve Allen. And he stole Maud Frickard from from Winters. Yeah, we know it was horrible. And then he would have them on the show. Yeah. Well, what they could do. He was the king. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I'm not saying it was admirable, but I guess, you know, that persona kind of, he was gracious. You know, that was what was Johnny's calling card. But boy, when that red light went off.

I don't think he was that guy. Did you have little interactions with him in the hallway ever? Little, of course. Wasn't that the most exciting thing in the world, when you would see him coming down the hall with the tie down? Didn't have to tell you the story, but when I saw him the last time I did it, and Leno was about to take over, and I'm walking out, and he's in his car, he had like a Corvette. Yeah, the Corvette. And it wouldn't start.

And I said, boy, I bet you Leno knows everything about cars. I bet you he'd know what to do. Oh, God. And he looked up and he went, yeah, we'll see how much he knows about television. I'm telling you, he was a bad man. Yeah. Well, these guys, you know, they're not, it's not a coincidence that they're there, all these guys, whether politically or

Entertainment industry, corporate world, a lot of people are there for a reason. I feel like a late night host is always a reflection of the society that we live in. Better than a lot of other signposts. I mean, that's why Leno was right for his era and Johnny was right for his era. And what do we have now? We have Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, and Jimmy Fallon. I think are right for their era. In that...

Look at this. Here's a... Oh, new breed of stand-up comics. What's that? Oh, these are the two articles that were in the New York Times. Am I in any of those? You probably are. Here's Adrian Tulsch with a Catch a Rising Star t-shirt. I have a Catch a Rising Star t-shirt that I wear all the time. It still fits? It's a new one. Because I hear when you wash them, they make lovely hand puppets for the children. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, my God, Bill. I know. Calvin Fussman. Calvin Fussman? Who's that? He's the writer of This Ridiculousness. Why are you keeping this? Just because it's comedy in the day? You know what? Every year...

of my life, I make a file where I just put stuff in because I like to be a good caveman. Like if I want to go back and excavate and see who I was, it's one good thing I did. I made so many dumb errors, but that was pretty smart. Like I saved, like look at that Mad Magazine cover. I love that. I saw that cover. Aren't you glad I saved this from the Supremes album? No. No? You don't think that's- I wasn't missing that. You don't think that's cool? It's okay. It's okay.

Be honest, Jerry. Come on. Come out of your shell. I went through all of my stuff recently. The new breeders. And threw out almost all of it. Of course you did, because that's you and I'm me. And I thought, my kids don't care what I did. I even thought that. Aren't you glad I kept the World Fair thing? Yeah. You never know which is going to be the one, right? I think these are all good. No. No.

Some of them are good. What about this from Richard Belzer? I love that. First of all, it's Daily Planet from the desk of super comic Richard Belzer. Oh, wow. It's a great shot of him, by the way. It's just too much. When I play the beacon, I always ask the audience, I talk about how I started in New York at a club called Catch a Rising Star. How many of you remember it?

And that moment, Bill, there's like about 10% of the audience will applaud. It's a great moment. I just love that. Remember how cool that joint was? And so much fun to just share that for a second. But isn't it a little sad that, well, and look what he wrote. A little, no. To potentially. Tremendously sad. To potentially one of the greats. That's funny. Richard Belzer. That's funny. I think he was talking about himself, but yeah.

But I think it's sad that only 10% of the people, well, you know what? Come on. You're right. You're right. You know what? Let it all go. Let it go. No, I do like them. But I must say, bad memories do not make me sad. Good memories make me sad. Oh. You know? Bad memories, it's like, great, it's over. Right. Good memories, it's like, shit, I'll never have that again, you know? Right. No. You'll never have anything again.

You seem more at peace with that. I am. I am. You know what I came to the other day? Because I'm going through this thing with the movie, you know, and you're doing a lot of press and they're watching the movie and they're responding to it, you know, and I hit me the other morning. An insincere compliment is absolutely of equal value as a totally genuine compliment. There is no difference in value. They're both utterly meaningless and just as nice.

An insincere compliment is just as nice. I don't care if they're lying to my face. It doesn't matter what they think anyway. What the fuck are you talking about? This is ridiculous. Like, I gave you a very wonderful compliment, I think, and it came from me, and it's very sincere, and it's true about you. That's got to mean more than an insincere compliment. Not in that situation where you're meeting strangers and they're saying, oh, I loved your movie. Great.

That's great. That's just as great. I don't have to know. Really? Did you really? Give me that rabbit thing back. A compliment from you who knows me. That's what I'm saying. That's different. Oh, okay. That's different. I hope so. I'm talking about 90% of the things people tell you in show business are not true and not sincere. Of course. And that's okay. And even when they, I shouldn't even admit this, it makes me sound petty, but I think all show people are the same.

Sometimes people will give you a compliment and you still don't like it because it's like, yeah, but you noticed the wrong thing. Yeah. Yeah. You liked the show, but you thought that was the best part of it? Yes. And it's like, you can't. Petty doesn't even describe how small minded that is. I don't know. It's what's below petty, whatever that adjective would be.

You never felt that way? No. Really? No. Take what you like, whatever you like. Why do I care what you like? All right, then why do you keep arguing when I say you're more mature than... I like to argue. I know, good. I do too. I don't even believe the positions I'm taking. We're not even arguing. But yeah, no, that's true. I feel like...

I've evolved a long way, but I started really far back. Way far back, yeah. It's true. I didn't want to talk about that. Oh, here. Look at this. No, I always thought... This is so funny, all this crap you brought out here. Tell me you're not enjoying this. I'm not. No, you said to tell me, so I did. It's a good smart job. Look at this. My father was in radio. I know. Right? Right?

Mutual Broadcasting System. This is when the media was respected by this country because these were mutual men of... Mutual men of... So where's your dad? Is he in here? Right here. Look right here. Bill Maher. Your dad is Bill Maher? Of course. Well, that explains a lot.

I think we've cracked this case wide open right here. Mutual men of conviction. Isn't that awesome? He doesn't resemble you much. Look at... You can't see from that. It's a drawing. So that's not what he looked like? He did look like that, but you know... You're very handsome. Thank you. He looks kind of... Oh, no. Are we looking at him? Arnold Stang-ish. It's a drawing from these creeps who made this thing. Men of conviction. So were these guys...

Staff announcers. Oh, but they weren't journalists. Well, I think they would consider themselves journalists, Jerry. They had deep voices and they were on the radio. Did your dad have a deep voice? You have a deep voice. Of course. Yeah. Of course he did. When he took me to the radio station, you know, once in a while, I'd be like scared. Like,

Shit out of me because they all, hello, young man. Bill Sharbert. I mean, look at some of these names. Whitney Belton. Charles Batchelder. Bill Costello was good, as was Jack Allen and Martin Edwards.

I did a little shtick. We made a couple of little video promotion pieces for the movie, and one is where I'm called into the office of the president of Pop-Tarts. So I needed a name for who would be the president of Pop-Tarts, and we came up with Kelman P. Gasworth. Yeah.

He says, I'm Kelvin P. Gasler, the president of Pop-Tarts. And I'm sitting at the end of this long conference table, and I go, oh, I just made a whole movie about Pop-Tarts. He goes, well, did you know? I can't wait to see this movie. It's fun. It comes out on Friday. So it's funny, because when I read about this, I thought, it's both...

You making a movie about Pop-Tarts, it's both inscrutable and inevitable. That is a great line. That's a great line. Really, like, you were going, and I just want to know before I see it, or maybe you don't want to say this, but just don't, but what is the metaphor? I mean, plainly, it can't just be about Pop-Tarts. Oh my gosh, no. No.

No, it's quite a deep story, Bill. But it has to be a metaphor for something. You got me. Really? Yeah. What? Again, we're not like the serial killer and the detective. We're not really like. No. I like important seeming men in suits like those names you're talking about, Puffs and Flakes and Sprinkles.

in a very serious way. That, to me, was funny. I like... It's about... It really is about a childhood fantasy and wanting to hang on to your childhood and that time and that product. And to make this movie, I get to go back there. I get to go back to when the only thing I cared about was the stingray and my cereal and the TV shows that I liked. And that was...

You know, it was like a little soap bubble that I got to get inside for a few weeks. Yeah, I mean, I have that inclination, but our childhood is now just so long ago. Yeah. I mean... But the fun of it is still there. Yeah, I know. So, I mean, with a movie, you get to recreate it. But you don't... You don't get to really go there, no. No, but you don't have...

Intimations of mortality when you dwell on the distant past like that, that it reminds you that you're closer to the end. I'm not that in love with... Like, you really love life. Don't you? You love it. It's okay. Oh, come on now. Your life...

Because I knew this was your birthday, and I was like, I bet you he's the same place with birthdays that I am, which is like, I had a big party here right in this room at 60. You had one at 65. After that, like, yeah, it's happening, but we don't need to go and do it at all. I mean, sometimes people, mine's in January, sometimes people say to me a couple of weeks after, they say, oh, didn't you just have a birthday? And I go, oh.

You know, maybe. I don't know. I might have. I didn't check my calendar. I didn't check my calendar. It's just like it's happening. I can't deny it, but let's just ignore it. Yeah. It's at a certain point.

Because you'd still look generically late middle age, which is great. You know, you don't read old. No, neither do you. Like Biden. Yeah. Like reads old. Yes. And Trump reads crazy, but not old, you know. Yeah, okay. He just reads differently. Well, he's got a lot of makeup on, you know. A lot. And the hair color and all that crap. Yeah, I always say he's like Kiss. He puts on the face paint and the wig, and it's always 1976. Yeah.

That is fantastic. That is a great joke. It is kind of true. That is a great joke. He's like, kiss. He's so funny. But yeah, so we could probably, I mean, Mick Jagger is doing it at 80, doing rock shows. Okay. It's amazing. It's amazing. But I'm saying if a guy can do rock and roll at 80, certainly comedy. What do you think you'll be doing at 80?

I hope very similar to what I'm doing now. Really? Yes, I would love to. I only in my 60s came to realize how right my mother was when she once said to me, yeah, I really like my 50s and 60s the best of all the decades. I said, that's crazy. 60s? What are you, fucking nuts? Yeah. But their 60s is our 80s physically. Yeah.

I mean, I don't do anything different now than I did in my 40s. I could do any number of shows. Exactly. Right. I haven't made any adjustments. Same way. But I imagine. I mean, there's a diminishment to everything. Yes. I mean, you know, I can still play basketball. Yeah, that's amazing. That's amazing. And yeah.

You know, I mean... But yeah, I think you maybe have a little tighter grip on this lifetime than I do. It is what it is. All you can ever be is good for your age. But, you know, as far as how far you can go, I feel like I'm...

And you are too, for a somewhat different reason, uniquely suited to another decade because I never was selling I can dance, I can jump around. I was selling wisdom and sophistication. And that's why HBO has been such a good home for me. It's a sophisticated audience. It's a sophisticated show.

I mean, that word, maybe I'm not putting that on myself, but yeah, that is what I strive for, and the audience is a sophisticated audience, and there's precious little left for people who are sophisticated. That's a genre. That's a niche. But it's always been a small niche. Yes, always. Yes, that's what I'm saying. You have a much broader, you know. Somewhat broader, but smaller.

majorly broader. It's one, another reason why I'm probably not going to do any more standup is because like, first of all, when you're on TV every week, it's very hard for people to come out and you know, it's harder to get that you're less unique. Right. Right. Also they, they tend to think I'm a political comic, which is limiting. Oh, right. So like there's guys who are like that half as funny as me selling twice as many tickets. I'm a little sick of it. Yeah.

Not that I can't do nice shows in theaters, but it's like... I've always been fighting a little uphill on those things. Uh-huh, uh-huh, I see. I think your stand-up is my editorial. That's what I want to do until they put me in the grave. Right. Is every week come up with that one thing. And, you know, because...

It's almost Seinfeldian because it's building one very small, limited, but trying to perfectly craft it and then it's over. Right. Next week, there's a new one. And on Monday, we nail down the premise before the weekend. And on Monday, I read all the passes and everything.

put it together, you know, my own version, and then, you know, sew it together. And each day, first it gets fatter, then it gets smaller. You know, there's a method to it to show you that it's by Friday. Now, that would be a vacation that, for me, if I would just sit with you and not contribute, but just watch you do that, that would entertain me more than any trip to anywhere in the world. Because I think...

I don't know how you do it, but the end result is so elegant. Thank you. That is what I love and appreciate more than anything. It's simplicity and elegance in writing. Thank you. Me too. And...

And of course, getting the job done comedically. Yeah. We got to do all those three things in the piece. When that is executed, I mean, I just feel full of music. I just love it. And we're so lucky that-- I do think sometimes I watch great pitchers, great athletes, and I think, oh, this guy's only going to get 12 years of this.

to be able to play this music. And it's a huge career for a pitcher, right? But for us, if they told us you can only do this 12 years, it's ridiculous. Musicians, does it bother you? You're very, very sophisticated musically. And you've had all those Paul Simon lyrics in your head. It was amazing. But...

What's your theory, and I know you have one, on why these great, great, great songwriters are not able to find that thing in their later years? Too many drugs. Come on. No, but too many drugs, partly. But also, I just think it's innate. Music is something that flowers in youth. I mean... Don't you think music is sexual? Of course. If you're not horny, you can't write a great song. Well...

Oh, that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. Yeah. That's-- we could-- not all songs are about sex. Yes, they are. Every one-- Oh, stop it. But what is your theory on older songwriters struggling to find that same magic?

I couldn't agree more. First of all, it's rare, and I'm not going to name names. No. There are exceptions to that, but they are rare. I thought the Eagles' 2007 album was really good. Yeah. It was a double album. If you made it into just one kick-ass album, it would be...

fit in their oeuvre pretty well. But there are people that we love, desperately love. Desperately. That write stuff now that is... And have for 25 years. Right. Not been good. Right. Because part of it, I think, is you get too ahead of the parade.

Like, you always want to be, like, a little ahead of the audience. Right. Otherwise, you're over. But not so far ahead. They're like, what? Right. And I think sometimes you're so good that, like, oh, I've done that, and this would be different. It's like, yeah, but I just want to...

you know you got to hit that sweet spot where it's where it's striking me as something a little different but not so alien that me just the young man in the 22nd row right can't appreciate it because i'm not a musician i could just appreciate what you do so it's kind of i guess the equivalent of being like a comics comic

who makes the other comics laugh. And I always felt like that was what you, like I always felt you would catch,

Like you always had kind of an attitude about Cats like this is a shiny object because it was the hot club, right? Yes. You weren't the man at the hot club. You were at the comics. The hot club was Belzer and it was the hot club because that's where the stars went and the celebrities went and the mafia was there. And it was just, you know, the singers and Belzer. And I think you were just like, okay, enjoy your shiny object.

because I'm going to just do what I do, which isn't quite as flamboyant as some of this other stuff going on, and I will be the bigger star because I'm going to be on television, which is a cool medium perfectly suited to me. I never... I read that on you. Well, you can read it, but I never thought it or felt that. But it turned out to be true. Yeah, well, you have an amazing eye for those kinds of things. I just...

In those days, Bill, I wasn't. But I just felt like you, the fact that it was ill-suited to your exact persona. It was. Was...

To your credit, because, again, that wasn't what was going to make you a star, jumping around on the piano and all that. Same as the comedy star out here, a lot of stuff that looks great in a small club, but you had your eye on the prize. I did. I did. And when I would see those, sometimes they would come to the comic strip and struggle.

And I would realize, oh, they're out of context and it's not working. And that's not what this game is about. This game is about put me in any context and I'll make it work. Right. That's the bigger game to play. Yes. You and I had an argument many times about like, is there such a thing as a bad crowd?

Oh, yeah. And I, of course, took the position, yes. When they don't like me, they're bad. Yeah. And you took the position, again, more mature, goofus and gallant, always. Gallant believes, and you're right. There's no right. It's just a sport. You're playing. It's a better attitude to have. Right, yes. You were like. But you're also right.

Of course it's bad crap. Yes, but you once said, of course they're in a bad mood. Why do you think they're at a comedy club? You're the doctor. They don't come to the doctor when they feel well. Right. That's funny. It's another piece of advice I remembered and put into practice a mere 17 years later.

No, I got around everything. Some people, it just takes a long time. Yeah. You know? What about, I mean, everybody's, who cares? See, this is why you're not afraid of dying. Everything that comes into your head is, oh, who cares? It's not that. I mean, don't you feel that changing? I mean, I'm 70, and I really feel things changing in my perspective. Names I have, who is this singer? Yeah.

All these things, even politics, even social movements. I'm meeting a lot of Marcus Aurelius. Have you ever read that? In college. Yeah. You should pick it up again. It's really great. Wow. Meditations, what's it called? Meditations. Right. He was the Roman emperor in 180. 150 AD. 150. And he is a fantastic guy to get you to zoom out and go all these things you're worried about, all these things that you see happening. They've all happened before. They're all going to happen again.

Everything that you're worried about is much smaller than you make it in your head. That's his basic message. And being told that by the emperor of Rome in 150 AD is a very nice daily—I read it almost every day. I'll read a page or two.

And I just I love to imagine him in his bedroom there, the leader of the entire world, an emperor, a Roman emperor, and say, yes, you're going to talk to a lot of annoying people today. That's what every day is like. Why are you surprised? People are annoying.

I like to imagine the peasants of 150 AD. Hey, did you hear the emperor has a new tract of treaties out? Oh, great. I can't wait to pick it up. He was like the Sam Harris of his day. He had the morning meditation and yeah. By the way, if people want to have an image of who Marcus Aurelius is, think of the movie Gladiator. Yeah. Yeah.

And he was played by Peter O... I thought it was Joaquin Phoenix. He played the son. Oh, his grew-up son. Who kills his father. Right. Who kills Marcus Aurelius in the beginning. Well, not in real life, though. I think he did. No, no, no. No? No, he died of natural causes in his 50s. You know a lot about Marcus Aurelius. I'm kind of into him these days. That's amazing. Yeah.

I didn't think I'd ever hear that from you. Why? Well, just because you didn't seem like a history buff. I'm not really, but I love philosophy, and I love his philosophy, and I just find it helpful. I like shrinking...

things down. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. And you do it better than anybody. Oh, thank you. I mean, I always said that about you, like the, the act that like every single person can love and the most intelligent person in the room is also not insulted by it. Right. And that's a, it's, I feel like excellence is always getting to that golden mean. Yes. Of like the two things that are in opposition are,

But somehow you bring them together. Right. You know, it's well, that's what I'm I think you might find that in Unfrosted, the Pop-Tart movie. It's a silly idea for a movie. But and the jokes are silly. But as we know, there are no silly jokes there. They're either good or they're not. And you'll find there's a level of sophistication in the silliness.

That is my ultimate. When I first saw Monty Python when I was a kid on PBS in the early 70s, I lost my mind. The sophisticated silliness that they were doing

absolutely lit me up. Like, this is everything that I want. Everything that I love. I think Get Smart had that. I think Peter Sellers had that. He's acting dumb, but there is such a sophistication to it. Because as we know, as comedians...

Acting dumb is really not... Laurel and Hardy are not stupid. No, no. I wasn't a Stooges guy, but Laurel and Hardy is elegant and sophisticated. You were not a Stooges guy? No. I didn't like Moe. He's...

I think he's funny. Apparently, he was carrying the whole damn show. But we were five. No, I wasn't. I watched comedians when I was five years old going, this guy's got no... Did you watch...

Did you watch Officer Joe Bolton? Of course. Okay. Didn't he introduce the three stooges? Wasn't that his? Yeah, yeah. He had the stooges. I watched it. And Superman also? No. They didn't have Superman. They had those movie shorts. Superman just stood by itself? Yeah, yeah. That was a real series. Oh, I remember. Yeah. And still pretty good, by the way. I've been watching that lately. To me...

George Reeves is the greatest of Superman of all time. His sophistication and those double-breasted suits, that's another reason I wanted to do on Frosted. I wanted to look like George Reeves. Did you like that Superman show when they would close the door and the show would shake? What? I lived for it. You know this. Really? When I was a kid. Yeah. I remember in high school, I wish I found... I probably have that somewhere in my Rat Pack file, but...

We made a list of every episode that we could remember. Wow. Like there was probably 100 episodes. Wow. I remember all the episodes. We've talked about it. Corborium X. Yeah.

I mean, I got to do a commercial with Jack Larson and Noel Neal. And I think, yes, I remember it. Yes. Yeah. I mean, I know. And your bit was, you know, one of those, one of your first ones. Yes. As a brilliant disguise. It was like, that is so you. Yeah. And then somebody else had a great bit about it's a bird. It's a plane.

Who mistakes a bird with a... Whose joke is that? I don't know, but I heard that. That's a good one, too. Yeah. It's like a perfect example of that bit that, like, it was laying there on the ground. Yeah. Anybody could have seen it. Yeah. Right? I have a Frankenstein bit I'm doing now about the sport jacket. Why is he wearing a sport jacket? LAUGHTER

That's great. It's an AI bit. It's a part of an AI bit about making fake brains is risky. We can see that from Frankenstein. Oh, that's funny. That's a great joke. Yeah, exactly. And he goes, well, I thought maybe we'd go someplace nice afterwards. No, it's Romania in 1820. There's no place nice. No one's going to say to you, I'm sorry, Mr. Stein, it's jackets only this evening. That's hysterical. That's funny. I talk about monsters now with...

You know, the toxic masculinity that they're always talking about. It's true. Men are toxic. What are we talking about? I think men have been ruined by the phone. Yeah. And pornography. And it's rapey. It's domineering. It's not, you know, it's just...

And this is what young men see. When we were kids, if you had a Playboy, that was huge. Now they see horrible things. Yeah, I can't imagine. Choking and spanking. Oh, God. What? That's horrible. I know. I mean, what these kids are, when you think about how innocent our childhood was. Yes. The level of innocence is just like from a different perspective.

Yeah, absolutely. And we can't fix it, Bill. They broke it. Why do you think I'm always trying to fix it? There's a difference between trying to remedy something and just being amazed by it. Age fascinates me. And people say, oh, don't worry about it. I'm not worried about it. I'm just fascinated by it. I'm fascinated by different generations. I'm fascinated by how different. The differences that I could see in my lifetime. Right. Yes, I know.

I said to my mother one time who passed about 10 years ago at the age of 99, and I remember asking her one time, do you remember when cars suddenly became popular? She said, oh, yeah. Yeah. My mother, when she was born, there was no cars around. When my mother was born, women couldn't vote. Right. 1919. Yeah. Women got the vote in 1920. Right. I say to my kids, your kids are going to say to you, you mean they let people just get in cars and go as fast as they wanted? Yeah.

Yeah, for the most part. I mean, there were laws, but people did pretty much whatever they want. Didn't they crash and die all the time? Yeah. Well, and children died too.

You know, they'd get kicked by a horse on the farm. That's why they had a lot of kids. They expected a few of them to... So better or worse, the way we value life today or the way we were so much more casual about it in years past? I mean, it's so easy to say, oh, you know, please, we are so seduced by, and I am...

as much as anyone by creature comforts and convenience. Yes. No, I don't. With all the bullshit going on, we live in the most amazing fucking times. Yes, yes. I mean, the climate change is probably going to get us at some point, but it hasn't yet. Right. We walked out here today, we weren't like evaporating.

evaporated by the rays of the sun or something. I mean, it was a beautiful day. The grass is green. The sky is blue. I know it's really not. There's lots of things going on behind the scenes that are horrible, blah, blah, blah. But we're still living in that time where we're basically, you know, yes, health,

Sir Lincoln River, it's ugly head and there's lots of poisons everywhere and lots of terrible things and Trump could do this and democracy and blah, blah, blah, nuclear war. But for the moment, you know, I'm sitting at a dinner with people and they're like, the world's ending. I'm like, look around you, you fuck, you dumbass. We're in.

this fucking awesome restaurant they're bringing you this food it's probably gonna this dinner is gonna cost 700 dollars and i'm even gonna fucking blink and hang the check shut the fuck up yeah about how terrible things is when they're gonna i'm not gonna lose my nervous system about trump again if he ends the world he's gonna end the world i'm not gonna fucking go nuts again if he wins another term i just can't i i i hope you you you uh have that wherewithal

Well, what are you going to do? I don't know. I'm trying to stay right there. Yes. I'm trying to stay right there. What, are you going to get anxious like a millennial? No. Right. Exactly. That is... I mean, that generation, especially the Z generation... Ugh. What do you... But your kids... I mean, your kids are great. Thank you. I mean, I think with great parenting, you can still make great kids. Sure. Sure.

Well, you don't really make them. You have a hand in it. You're like the manager. Yeah, you're the manager. You give them advice. They take it. They don't take it. No, like the manager of a team. Yes, that's right. They say a good manager can affect like six to eight games a year. That's right. That's right. You think that's all a parent can do? I have no idea. But wait, you raised three kids. It's mostly what you didn't do wrong. Really bad stuff. But mostly the way we were raised...

You were kind of left to your own devices, and you're in a fairly healthy environment, and hopefully you make decent choices. And the same is true today. I remember that night you and Chris Rock were in my dressing room before the show, and I asked you guys something about, oh, your kids, do they play together? And you both went, no, the wives handle that. Yeah.

And I, I got, okay, that's, I see. Yeah. I have the most amazing wife. I really love my wife. I got to a point with my wife now that I can't believe, uh, how great she is because I can't really say that, but, um,

you know i mean in the single world it was always it always ran it always runs out of gas and i found a woman where it never runs out i'm always excited to see her that's great we always have fun with it i love talking with her and it's fun it's fun but it's so it's again it's a little bit of luck or maybe it's instinct i don't know but you're are you an empty nester now not yet my my son is finishing high school um but you will be yeah i will be in a few months yeah and

Is that a big changeover? That's what people say, but Justin and I, we feel we're good. So it's got to be a big difference without the sound of children frolicking. But Bill, all these things... I feel like you're going back to thinking that I'm...

for somehow ruining the passage of time and I'm just remarking and I'm fascinated by it. Yeah, I'm fascinated and I enjoy that that's over and now we're doing this. And anything else in life... Okay, well you just characterized what I think about maybe quitting stand-up. Okay. I've enjoyed it, but maybe... That's cool. That's very cool of you to let your mind be that free. That's cool.

I mean, I think it's always great to stretch. It is. To put yourself out of your comfort zone. Just change the menu. We're doing this now. Yeah, exactly. Right. Because, you know, at our age, you know, it's an ageist country. They're always going to try to move you out. I mean, it's the nature of what?

Not an odd thing. Nobody cares how old you are. Well, that's another reason why I would add it to the hopper about me maybe getting out of it. I do think there is a generational element to stand-up because humor is not something that translates through the ages that well. And like the humor of today is a lot more about feelings, nothing more than feelings. And like people...

People want to see someone of their own generation. I get it. Of course, but they also want to see people that can really do it. I understand that. Some can and some can't, and it's irrespective of age or anything. Yes, that's true too.

But you're an icon, you know. Thank you. I'm going to be nicer when you give a comment. I need to be nicer. I didn't mean it like that. Okay. I just meant, I meant, you don't have to, all you have to do is put your name in the paper. Right. And it'll sell out. Right. Maybe if I was there, I would still do it. Right, I see. That would be an element that would influence me. I see. Probably not. I think I'd still make this decision. Right, right. But, yeah.

but yeah it makes it a lot easier you know i mean the audience that comes is certainly a great i mean look i love it's a love affair because yes anytime they're paying a hard money ticket to see yeah yeah you know they love they want you to do what you do very specifically and i just want to do it for them right so well you know i'm getting sad bill that this show is almost over

I really was looking forward to this as much as you were. Oh, good. Because it's you. And I also just love the vibe of this show. Well, I have one more thing to show you. Oh, boy. From my thing. This was my father's. How I Met Hollywood's Biggest Stars by Bill Maher. This is amazing. What in the world? LAUGHTER

What is this? Some gag gift somebody gave my father in 1961, ever. That's great. And it's all Chinese, folks. Show and tell with Bill Maher. We were so innocent. Yeah. Well, as a great man once said, it's so nice when it happens. Oh, God, Bill, you did it again. Freddy DeCordova, after my first Tonight Show, put his arm around me as we walked off the set.

And he said, it's so nice when it happens good. If you don't know you're in show business at that moment, when somebody says something like that. All right, pal. Thank you. Thank you. This was what I thought it would be. I'm going to have this framed and sent to you. Okay, thank you. Yeah, I'm a World's Fair obsessive. I didn't know that.