Best of 2021 Part 2
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Oh boy, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. That's not a catchphrase, by the way. That is just me saying, oh boy. That's not a bad catchphrase. A lot of activity here at the studio. As the theme song began, we're getting a little delivery. As the theme song began, we're getting a little delivery.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, and for another week, or not even another week, another edition, this is Best of Comedy Bang Bang 2021 Part 2!

Part two. I'm going to take you to part two. Thank you. Big audio dynamite. Welcome. By the way, the person who's in the room delivering something to us can make noise and can set things. She's like frozen with her hand in the bag. Let it go. She's like frozen. Yes, she is. Yeah. Do you want to build a snowman? There's one right here. Do you want to build a snowman? Yeah.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, Best of 2021, Part 2. My name is Scott Aukerman. My name is Scott Aukerman as well. Thank you. My name is Paul Tompkins. And we are counting down. Oh, thank you. Oh, look at that. We have some goodies. Are they macaroons?

Meringue cookies. What's the difference between a macaroon and a meringue cookie? Are they not similar in consistency or? Meringue cookies are egg whites. Okay. Meringue cookies are egg whites. Meringue cookies are egg whites, says this mysterious person who refuses to get on mic. Am I supposed to introduce myself? No. It is on. It is on. It is on.

What's the difference between meringue cookies and macaroons? I've never made a macaroon. You've never made a macaroon. That is my. Oh, did you make these? Yes. This is exciting. This mysterious person is a. Don't say her name. I will never say her name. Even to her face. Let them wonder. You don't know her name, do you? No, I don't know it. She's never told me. She just delivers cookies to me. She said it when we met and then I instantly forgot it. It's too late now.

I guess I could read her email address in these emails she keeps sending me. But it comes from emailhaver at email.com. But she's a wonderful baker. And her name is not Baker, though. That is not a tip off. I prefer it if that's what people call me. The Baker. Yes, the Baker. The Baker or just Baker?

The baker. The baker? Yeah. She is really taken to be on mic. You notice how quickly she slid into the seat. This is my worst nightmare. She does not like to be on mic nor on camera. The few times that I forced you to be on camera, you begged me to take you, to edit you out. Oh, you did that of your own volition. I did edit you out. You did edit me out.

But I played it off like you begged me to do it, right? Yeah, you did that just now. No, but have you not? I was a witness to it. Have you not? Anyway, welcome to part two of The Best Ofs. Yes. Thank you so much for this holiday cheer. May I share these with Paul? Yes, please. Okay, that would be great. Thank you. I'm delighted. I can't wait. I didn't know that you baked.

Yes, thank you. Make a macaroon in 2022. Will you promise me that? I'll make a macaroon for Best Ofs 2022. Okay, I do not like macaroons. I should tell you that. Why did you ask for that? But you don't like macaroons? I don't want them. I'm saying make them. You don't like them?

I don't really like them. Oh, I think they're great. You do? Okay, make them. I want them next year. But they come in all flavors. I mean, they don't have to be- Did I tell you about the time, and I'm sure I have on Threedom- Probably. Where I tell all my stories, where I- All five stories. I used to not like Chinese food, and then a friend of mine was like, what do you mean? Was it because of that LFO song? What LFO song?

I like girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch. Chinese food makes me sick. And you were like, oh, I'm going to stay away from that. Of course. LFO is so similar to elephant, isn't it? It's too similar. It's like it's too similar. Imagine a story about three blind men going to an LFO concert and describing it. Okay. What Paul's referring to is that classic tale of like five different blind men feeling a thing and one is like.

This feels like palm trees. And one is like, this feels like a hose. And one is like, this feels like a tree trunk. And one is like, this feels like a giant elephant's dick. Okay. All right. Scott. Which one was it? They were all feeling an elephant. But because they couldn't see the whole thing. Yeah.

And by the way, the E-D wasn't part of it. It's getting bigger and bigger and bigger. Come on now. This is... In front of baked goods you do this? Yes, it tastes like an elephant's dick too. Jesus Christ. How would you know? That's what I said. Okay. To this blind guy. But he was facing the wrong way. It was a first-hand story. He was facing the wrong way. So he never heard me.

He left out a guy. What was the fifth guy feeling? What is? Yeah. What is? A little snake, I think. Oh, because of the tail. Yeah. All right. Are elephants tails curly? No. No, those are pigs. That's pigs. Those are pigs. Why are they curly? That will do, elephant. Why are pigs tails curly? Why are pigs tails curly? I don't know. But speaking of animal dicks, and we were. Yep.

I don't remember if pigs might be one of those animals that have a twisty dick as well. I think they do, yeah. Like their tails and their, I don't know. I guess the tail is to let you know what's coming. It's like, hey, there's no different on the front side. Check this out. Okay? So yes or no? This is the part you're allowed to see. Can't say I didn't warn you. I feel bad for the lady animals. Yeah, I know. To have to sit through that. Like a cat is like... Having sex with a pig? Is that what you're talking about?

Of course, that's what I'm talking about. That's what I always talk about. This is Paul F. Tompkins. You know he's always talking about cats having sex with pigs. I'm a single issue voter. Cats having sex with pigs. I'm for it.

How can we make it happen? Let's do it. When I saw that Black Mirror episode, I was like, yes, but with a cat. 2022, we want cats to start having sex with pigs. Cats, it's up to you. And pigs, I guess. Pigs, you just let it happen. Pigs, stop being so stuck up. Real butterface pigs over here. Oh, my God. Butterface pigs. Butterballs. Turkeys. Am I right? Yeah, free associating. Yep. You got anything to add?

What words does that make you think of? That's how the show goes. Butterball? Yeah, butterballs. Yeah. Either part.

Kenny's still too long. First thought, best thought. First thought. Here we go. Boom. Butterballs are a cookie. Butterballs are a cookie. See, she's got baking on the mind. That sounds good. My mind is clearer now. Is it what I think? It's like a round cookie that's- It's a ball of butter. It's a ball of butter. It's just like a ball of butter that's cooked? And then- Are there any other ingredients? Sugar, I would imagine. Oh, nuts? I know what these are. And then you roll them into-

Would they have me? Would you tell them to stop doing those skits? Yeah. We're asking you, would you please go on there and tell them to knock off the skits? I agree with that. Just act like a British person just so you can get in there. And then episode one, just be like, oh, by the way, I have an announcement. But they have they have people from all around the world. But are they all British citizens? I think they're all British citizens. Even the Italian guy? I believe that he actually. The German guy? Yeah.

I think so. Although, who knows? Maybe it's just they're close by. Maybe they have like a certain cap on how much they'll pay for flights. I would think that after Brexit, they wouldn't allow people who were not British citizens. That's Brentur.

Guys, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. It's a lot of this. It is. Thank you so much to this mystery person. You are excused. I'll send you the thing for that. And thank you so much. Are you seeing Reds for the first time? Enjoy the movie. It's a good movie. Paul's talking about the pill that she's taking. Yeah, enjoy the Red Pill. I just deliver make-bids and get movies in return.

Oh, fun stuff. Fun stuff! That's one of our first special guests on these Best Of episodes. I don't think we've ever, have we ever had anybody else on mic during a Best Of? I don't know, but that reminds me, I want to talk about Jarls, classic Jarls. Classic Jarls. Guys, first I want to welcome everyone. Welcome to the Best Of Comedy Bang Bang Part 2. Today we will be counting down...

Your choices for the number 11, number 10, number 9, and number 8 episode of the year in the countdown. Number 9? The Beatles. Very big right now. Get back. I like that Howard Kramer joke about he saw someone wearing a T-shirt that says The Beatles. And he's like, you could just be wearing a T-shirt that says food. Like you pick the most popular thing. Yeah.

Howard's funny. Howard's very funny. Who charted, of course, is one of his many podcasts. Very funny guy. But we're going to be counting down these episodes. These are clips. This is what you, the people, have voted on over the past few weeks to let us know what your favorite episodes of the year are. Everyone picked...

up to 10 episodes that they could vote on. And we're going to be hearing clips this episode. If you've never listened to the show before, this is your first episode. You must go back at least to the previous episode. At least a few days. That will explain to you what the show is and why we're doing this. What you're listening to. I don't know why you would listen to the best of part two as your first episode. I mean, but you know what? I respect somebody that does that. Yeah.

Well, you know what? I bet one of the guests maybe on here is someone that they were like, oh, maybe I should listen to this. Sure. So I bet that happens. Sure. Yeah. And they're like, fuck it. I'll listen. It says best. It says best. It says two. It's not the fourth best. Well, that's my point. It's the third best. Is if you look at the actual numbers, and I hope that you do. Please look at those numbers. Of the show, the best of part one is always the most listened to. It's the worst of the best of.

best of that's my point everyone should be listening to number four do you think people think it's the best of the best ofs and so they're gonna be like we're counting here's what I think nobody ever does I think a ton of people go best of this new show the show I've heard about and they listen to the first one go like not for me yeah do

Do you think it's people that are regular listeners to the show and they have some skin in the game? They're like, I want this episode to be number one. And they listen to it and it's like, oh, it's number 14. Fuck this. Fuck this. People do take it very seriously and I appreciate that where they – I believe there are people who get very upset if something was not voted on. But it's democratic. That's a democracy. It sucks. It sucks. We got to share –

air with these fucking losers. Yeah, and of course, they're voted on. There's a sort of electoral college element to it. Sure, yeah. I mean, that's part of it. Yes, where you ultimately decide what you think is the best job. But you take their votes into consideration. Sure, yeah. I mean, it's a suggestion. Yeah. I get where you're coming from. That's not true. This is all above board. Do you want to save Charles for later, or do you want to... Let's talk about Charles now. Let's talk about Charles. Let's get into him before we get into the next... All right. Classic Charles while he's on our mind. A character...

sidelined by the pandemic. One of the only, I cannot think of another character that anyone has said to me, like, I just don't think that can work on Zoom in the pandemic. But this was a character that you were like, it's got to be in person. Explain. The way Jarls came about was I, if I was here at Earwolf Studios, if I were here at Earwolf Studios to do another podcast. Recording something on your own. Something on my own, somebody else's podcast. And I saw that there was a Comedy Bang Bang in process. Yeah.

And progress. In progress. We were making progress. Making progress, and they were in the process of doing that. I would...

Just go in there. Unbeknownst to all of us. As I describe it, it sounds like a rude thing to do. But we enjoyed it. But yeah. It was always a treat. It was always good fun. I would just sit in there and then I would start talking. And I started talking as this guy. He's doing a weird voice. Did you come in with the name Charles or did you? I think that came about. I think I was asked who I was. And then I had to come up with something. And you said Charles. Charles. Like Charles with a J. And Charles is a guy with a very unique voice. Charles Wagner.

Right. He talks like that. It's me, Charles. He's got a very thin windpipe. Is that what it is? He has a very thin windpipe. That's right. And so he struggles to get words out. Yeah. And he's a fencing instructor. Instructor. That's right. And he just passes through the air. No, he's lost. And he's very devout. He's very devout, yes. And he's lost in the building. He's lost in the building. He's been looking for the bathroom for the past five, six years. So it's a character that I've only ever done once.

In that way. You've never done him as like, I'm going to introduce our next guest, Classic Charles. No. Because it would just be weird to have the guy actually meaning to be there. Exactly. It's always an interruption. Yeah. And it's only on other people's – but did it start? It started on the commentaries. Oh. Didn't it start on the commentaries? On the DVD commentaries you recorded for the TV show? It probably did. Yeah, you're right. I think that it did. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

You're asking me a question about the history of the show and how would I know? You sure talk about it a lot. On these? Not on these, but in general. I think that it did start and the idea was he was lost there and maybe it was an episode that I was not supposed to be on or something. I don't remember. You were talking with someone else? Maybe. I can't remember, but it was the same premise. But yeah. And then during the – I will say that during the quarantine when we were all recording from home –

It did cross my mind to ask. Ask someone. Ask the producer. Or ask the person who was just here that we will not name when I was recording an episode. Maybe and you would Zoom bomb. Secretly get the Zoom link and Zoom bomb. Well, you know what? That something akin to that happens on one of the episodes coming up. And so we'll talk about that. Now I'm mad that I didn't do it. Yeah, you should have done it.

I should have done it and I'm angry with myself. Yeah, and I'm angry with you. And I'm angry with you. I'm not angry at myself. So that's the one relationship that's still good. How can I get you there? What's it going to take to get me angry with myself? What's it going to take for you to feel some self-loathing by the end of the day? Another three hours of this. Yeah.

All right. So we're going to be counting down. Yeah, I know. More like four. We're going to be counting down these episodes. Let's just get to it. Let's get to it. Let's get to it. Let's get to it. Let's get to it. All right.

As I struggle to figure out which episode is coming up. Okay, this is your choice for episode number 11. Number one, one. Okay, episode number 11. And the last of the number one, one, like that. Yeah, that's the last time you'll hear it. That's the last time you'll hear it. Well, at the very end of the clip, you'll hear it again. So you have one more time to hear it. One more time to hear it. And then you'll never hear that again. Never hear that again because in June or July, you're going to remind us that it's time to record the numbers. And you'll remind us of wet day as well.

And every time you have lunch, you'll say, I did it again. These are your three assignments. You understood the assignment? No.

And we will tell you that you understood the assignment if you do all of those things. Yes. A lot of people want responses from us. All you have to do is do those three things, prove it, and we will write back to you, you understood the assignment. Now, that only applies to the reminder for wet day, the reminder for the numbers. The other one, the I did it again after you eat lunch, that's just yours for a lifetime. We don't need to be reminded of that. No, but we will need proof on –

on wet day that you have been doing it every single day. - On wet day, yes. By the time wet day rolls around. - Yes.

Please let us know. Have taped yourself saying this. Have taped yourself. Please have taped yourself saying I did it again after having lunch. After every meal? Yeah. You know how Lily and Tim have those check bits? Yes. People submit the check bits. That's what we'd like to see in your Instagram stories. Please. Every day. Please record yourself every day that you have lunch. And you can't just switch outfits and do like 36 costume changes. No. Because we'll know.

We'll know. We're really good at spotting outfits. Yeah. We're in the biz. If you're wearing different clothes, I'll be like, that dude's wearing different clothes. If you're wearing different clothes...

I will know that you're doing it and that you're a dude. Different clothes. It takes different clothes. It takes different clothes to fool the host. Did you watch the live in front of the studio audience thing? No, I didn't. For the first couple, it was like these great Norman Lear shows that were like social commentary. And then this year they picked different strokes and facts of life, like shows for children that suck. Who was in different strokes?

Who did they get that was small enough to be Arnold? I thought you were asking me about the original show. Who did they get to be in different strokes? I remember reading that script and I thought it was shit. They got Kevin Hart. Conrad Bane? Kevin Hart was Arnold. Oh, come on. And Damon Wayans was Willis. What are we doing? I mean, there was a height difference. But these shows were just like, usually I enjoy these and this time I was just like, yeah, these shows sucked when they came out. Yeah.

Anyway, these clips that we're hearing did not suck when they came out. And in fact, they're so good that people voted on them. Why do people do anything? Why do people do anything? Here we go. This is episode 721 from August 30th, 2021.

Give me the episode number again. 721. 721 from August 30th, 2021. So we have a couple of 21s in there. What could that mean? I don't know. 42. 100 years from now, will anyone...

Be alive? Be alive or remember that we did this. God, can you imagine? In 2121. Like, is this still bouncing off a... Satellites? Is this still bouncing off a satellite? A podcast? I think there'd have to be some sort of signal here on the ground. It has to... Yeah. Servers have to be... Get to a phone. Electricity has to still be going. So I bet everything will be gone. Shit. It's too bad. That's a bright, cheery thought. It's too bad. Why do anything?

I got to get out of here. You got to go say hi to your wife. My wife! Of course. We don't want to say what impression that is. No, we don't. This is an episode called Passion of the Pasta.

Passion of the pasta. Let me say who's in this. We have the improvisers are our good friend Ego Wotum from SNL. That's right. We have from the other two, we have Drew Tarver. Absolutely. Also from a little show called Bajillion Dollar Properties, which starred Paul F. Tompkins. Thank you. Number one on the call sheet. And the celebrity guest is a person by the name of Phoebe Bridgers. Phoebe Bridgers.

This is a good episode that I enjoyed very much. This is a good episode. And this is maybe who I was talking about, who if you were like best of Phoebe Bridgers. Oh, I'll listen to this. So that's why someone might be this might be their first. Sure. Absolutely. Yes. And this was Phoebe's first episode that she was ever on. And coincidentally, the last. I don't know if it will always be this recording. This recording is the last.

And this is a funny episode. We can talk about it afterwards. We don't have to talk about it now. We don't have to talk about it now, but Ego is playing a new character.

character that she just came up with and this is her uh she's actually was in studio she was here this is in august so she was not taping saturday night live at the time so she was here for a couple of weeks i believe and so we got a few episodes in here's what i heard is that they get breaks when lauren michaels he he goes into a trance or a spell or something yeah and well he hibernates as well that's what it is yeah and so he goes into his little cave and then they're like

We can live our lives. And then they go do whatever they want. Whatever they want. Yeah. I mean, they don't want to be doing that show. You know? No. They'd prefer to be like doing what we do, going out, having lunch. Exactly. Doing it again. Saying I did it again. So Ego was here and then Drew was playing a character that he has played before who is a person who drives pageant queens around. Right.

So let's hear a few clips from this. This is what you chose to be your episode 11. Number one, one. Let's list your controversies. Yeah. Smashing that guitar. Yes. That was a big one. Yeah. On that show that we were talking about. Oh, yeah.

Now you smashed a guitar and sparks came out of it. Yes. Yeah. That was, that was a little goofy, but it was, it was planned. Yes. Like people were upset that I like disrespected. You know, who was upset? Was that dude from, what was he from the birds? Uh, you know that, you know, what was their band called? Uh, something. Flap around in the, in the air.

Crosby stills some shit. Yeah, the titular Crosby. The Cros, as he's called. What was he upset about? He was upset about the guitar being smashed? Or he was upset about you didn't smash it good enough? Yeah, I mean, I was upset that I didn't smash it good enough, but I... Whoa, wait, whoa, wait, wait.

Now, okay, let's list the guitars being smashed that are good. Okay, the Who used to do it, right? You know, I don't even think I've... It's funny because they sent me Dan Electro, the company, the guitar company. I was like, I'm going to smash this guitar, just warning you. And by the way, a good musician always does that. Yeah. I don't know why. The guitar company. Kurt Cobain?

He used to do that all the time. She saw a little email before. Yeah. And by the way, emails were not common back then. Totally. But he would do it. The first email. He invented email from what I understand. So, so I emailed the guitar company and they said, oh,

Oh, my God, that's so cool. And here's a video of someone trying and failing to do it. FYI, it's really hard. Because their guitars are built so... Girthy. Girthy, yes. That's not a word you hear a lot either. And I didn't even watch it because I was like, I got it. You know? You're a professional musician. You've smashed guitars before. But anyway, it was...

And then I just went to sleep and I woke up and I pissed off. Like there's like some asshole in Nashville. This producer guy said I was a fascist. No, he who shall not be named. Oh, really? Yeah. Do you have a thing with him? Kid Rock. Voldemort. Oh, yeah.

I'd love to piss off Kid Rock. I'm not famous enough to piss off Kid Rock. Yeah. I'd love to piss off Voldemort. Have that flat nose after me. Oh yeah. Hey dude, get a nose and come talk to me. You know what I mean? Like these are the kinds of things that I would say to him. Totally. Yeah. In any case, so you smashed it. You went to sleep. How many hours you get after doing SNL? Uh,

It's probably a short time because you're like out there partying till four probably. No, it was actually sad because they were like, the after parties are normally really fun. Oh, they're canceled. But now we're just waving.

Oh, no. Yeah, it was sad. Can you imagine being a cast member during the pandemic and just starting the show right when the pandemic starts and you don't get to experience these cast parties? I can't imagine. Oh, man, what a terrible thing. So you go to sleep, you catch some Zs, you go honk-shoo, honk-shoo over and over again, and then you wake up and there's the Krauss is after you because, and what was the deal with him?

He didn't like the way you... He didn't like your technique. I think he thinks it's disrespectful. To the guitar. To guitars. And so you had to get it out there that you were... No, I emailed the company. Well, also, like, literally, who gives a... Sorry, can I curse on this? No. What words do you want to say? Are you going to replace shit? Do we replace shit on this show? I don't know. Shoot. Like, what...

say shit and shoot. So in case we replace shit with shoot, just so we'll have it clean. Here we go. Yeah, here we go. Um, three, two, one. I don't give a shoot. Thank you. Okay. We'll, we'll put that in earlier if in case I don't give a shoot about, do you give a, I don't give a fuck. Um, it was neither a shoot nor a fuck. Yeah. Uh,

Yeah, it was amazing because I think the worst thing that could happen to me ever, knock on wood, is that I piss off people that I like. Like, you know, like actual people who like my music. People, your peers, people you respect. Or even not only your peers, but the, what do you call them, people you look up to that came before you? Grandpas? No. Grandpas. Boyfriends? Yeah.

I don't know where he practices. Is that the right word? Ask me.

You could just ask me. I haven't introduced you yet, sir. Okay. I'm sorry. You're not supposed to talk until I say your name. I get excited. I get excited. You are excited. I'm excitable. I love that you're excited to be here. Baby, I'm excitable. All right. Well, he is a clergyman, and I've said that several times at this point because there's no other information here. Well, what else do you want to know? Just ask me. Well, I haven't introduced you yet. Okay. Well, let's take it back. Okay. Take it back to what? Okay. He's a clergyman. Back to one. Man of the cloth. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Pasta Pasta. Mmm.

Happy to be here. Yeah. Hello, everybody. Hello. Hello. You know what? There's only... Say my name again. Say my name. Pasta, pasta. Say my name. Say my name. Uh-huh. Part one. I know it is around you. Say baby. White Cliff Remix? No. Okay. Well, he was. He helped found it. Did he? I think he helped out. He had something to do with them at the beginning. With Destiny's Child, yeah. With Destiny's Child. Well, but he maybe did No, No, No. I can't remember. He did No, No, No. Yes, yes, yes, he did. Yes, yes, yes, he did. He did.

When they asked him to do no, no, no, he was like, maybe, maybe, maybe. And then that maybe, maybe, maybe turned into a yes, yes, yes. And somebody said amen. Okay. Welcome to the show, Pass the Passage. Thank you so much, baby. This is Phoebe. Phoebe, it is a pleasure to meet you. I hear you're not religious. I'm not. I'm not. Not religious at all. Okay, that's beautiful. Can you convert her? I can.

I could damn try my hardest. Yeah. Okay. While respecting her boundaries. Yeah. I want the God Ted talk. Okay. Yeah. Well, boy, what if God did a Ted talk? This is a good, this is a good sketch for Funny or Die. No, no. Wait a minute. What if God was actually one of us? Oh shit. I've never even thought about that. Y'all about to piss me off today. Let me get to my sermon. I don't know.

I have a word. I have to say shoot. Sorry. I have a word. Okay, we got it. And what do I say? Y'all peeing me off? Yes, please. Okay. Now, you are a man of the cloth. We mentioned that before. I am a man of the cloth. Where do you, do they call it practice? I do practice. But are we talking about practice? Are we talking about practice?

That's a reference a lot of y'all not going to get. I don't know. Phoebe gets it. I vaguely get it. Phoebe gets it. I vaguely get it. She kept talking about practice. We're not talking about the game. Sports. Sports. You're getting warmer. Some sort of sports thing. We're getting warmer. We're not talking about practice. No, we are talking about practice. Why are we talking about the game? Come on. Somebody in this house today. Is it Ted Lasso? He's so nice. No. No.

Do you believe in that 20 Emmy nominations? 20 for one show. What do you think about that? For one show? That's pissing me off. Divvy it up and give some to other shows. We really should. 20. I saw a billboard that said 20 nominations. Can you fathom that? Now, there's some shows that don't have none.

That's so weird. And meanwhile, a one show has 20. Does that make any sense? Meanwhile, you got a guy like me getting up at 830 in the morning to check to see if I got one. You didn't get one. I got a damn text message from somebody talking about congratulations. And I'm like, are you serious? You didn't get nominated. I didn't get nominated. A program I watch got nominated.

Sometimes I'm on that program. Oh, you've been on that program? I've been on the program. I do music sometimes on that program. Well, of course we don't want to talk about that. We want to talk about what you're here to talk about. Pissing me off. Okay. Yeah, peeing on you. Peeing on me. Scott's been peeing on me since I got here. Give it a rest. Tell us about your whole... How did I get started? No, no. I don't want to talk about how you got started. I want to talk about where you're from, what you do, and why you do it. Age, sex, and location. Okay.

Well, age. A man never tells his age because you want to be able to mess with all types of women. Sex.

I'm not having it as I am a clergyman. Oh, that's right. Have you ever had it? Dabbled. Never to completion. Is that what they call it now? Never to completion. When I was in school, we called it fingering. But you call it dabbled. Wait, do you know what soaking is? No. What is that? Nobody? Is it when you put vodka on a tampon? Oh, no.

That's not my thing, right? That makes more sense. No, but Phoebe, you extended your fingers like the old Palmolive commercial. You're soaking it in. Soaking is like some religious teenagers think they can get away with it and it's still virginity where you just enter and then stay and then hang out and don't thrust. Nobody thrusts. Does anybody ejaculate? No. That's good. Okay.

This episode is turning blue. I'm sorry. I know you're a clergy person. The fans are going to blame me. And I didn't come in here with that intention. I came to talk about pasta, pasta. Okay, pasta. That is who I am. Is it pastor, pasta? Well, it depends on where you're from. Oh, okay. For me, it's pasta, pasta. Is it pastor, pastor? How do I spell this? Okay. Because I wrote down pasta, pasta. I wrote down pasta, pasta like it was pizza, pizza, like the Little Caesars. What?

Well, it's two different words. Oh, okay. You spelled them the same, love, but they're not the same. But they're two... Can you spell two different words the same? I need to really think about this. It feels like a trick. Like bird and bird. Can you spell two different words? That's the same word. Well, that's the same word. Can you spell two different words the same? Sure, yeah, you can. What do you got? We do in our language...

I know there are words. I dare you to think of one. No. What about that? You spell. Two different words. But they're spelled differently because it's K-N-O-W and then those are homophones. Hmm. Yes, because context matters. I went to school and so there are words that are going to be different words, but I spelled the same. But I didn't.

come to talk about that on today. Okay, no. What did you come to talk about? We've gotten your... You did ask... We don't know your age. You've dabbled in sex. Yes. Where are you from? I'm soaked. I now have the terminology, the proper terminology for my experience. And that's something beautiful about therapy. You'll get the words to describe what you're experiencing. So, Phoebe, I'd like to thank you on today. Yeah. All right. Anytime. Okay, now, everybody. She is not a therapist, though. I should... Not a licensed therapist. She's not a licensed...

I'm not a licensed driver, but I drive. All right. Isn't that a sin though? Is it a sin, Scott? Do you believe in God?

Well. Not G-O-D. G-A-W-D. Okay, I believe in God, yes. You believe in God? Of course, yes. You have a relationship with God? I do have a relationship, yes. Okay, cool. All right. We're not on speaking terms, but. No, you don't talk to him? No, I don't. Unfortunately, I. Them. Yeah, pronouns they, them. I do. I don't often send the old verbal missive up there. But maybe, you know, every word, deed, act.

I do ask... I ask God to damn a lot of things. Oh, you... Oh, okay. So when you say God damn, you're asking him... I'm asking, please, will you damn this thing and send it to hell? It's a curse. Well, here's the thing. I don't really believe in hell. Really? No. This is the kind of religion I like. It's where it's like...

There is something going on afterwards, but you're not going to be punished for anything. No, you're not going to be punished. You're a punisher in stores now. Punisher in stores. Congratulations, love. Thank you. I think what you're doing is phenomenal. Thank you very much. You're a music fan. I'm a big music head. Yeah. I mean, we were talking about Destiny's Child earlier. I love the sound of it. I love the sound. That's like, that's 99% of it to me. Yeah. It sounds so good. Music.

I really, it also makes me lose control. When it doesn't sound good. But also music make me lose control. Yeah. As well.

So what did I come here to talk about? Missy should put out more stuff, don't you think? Missy Elliott? Missy Misdemeanor? Yes. What if I... And when does she start going to a Missy Federal Crimes? Yeah. This is my tag that's not working out. I was going to try to help you out, but then I realized I couldn't. I was watching you drown and I wanted to save your baby. You ever see anyone drown? You know, I once, Tom, did a baptism.

Oh, no. In the deep end of a swimming pool. Not the deep end. You got to do it in the shallows. In the swimming pool. As Lady Gaga said. I can't swim. Oh, no. I can't swim. Why did you choose to do it in the deeps? Well, that's what we had. We had a big... When somebody says they want to get baptized, you do it. You don't start asking questions. Sure, but they don't say, I want to get baptized in the deep end. Well, no one ever says, I want to get baptized in a little kiddie pool either. But I've done that as well, Scott. Yeah. So, all right. And so...

I did go ahead and try to baptize someone in the deep end of a pool. So I did watch someone drown. So they were drowning. Yeah. You can't. I can't swim. Right. So you couldn't help. Were you holding on to the side or? Yeah. You see, I was holding them. Right. And then I realized we was both drowning. You're like, fuck this. I ain't going. I ain't going. I have shit to do. Right. Shoot to do. Excuse me. Here on earth. Here on earth. Shoot to do on earth. Ah.

He is a driver. Oh, he's been on the show before. Please welcome to the show Fred Head. Hey, Scott. How you doing? Good to see you. Hey, I'm doing good. Good to see you again. Oh, my God. I remember you. You remember me. Of course I remember you. Of course. You had an iconic appearance here on the show that I would never forget. Very iconic that you must follow up on. Yeah, of course. This is Phoebe, by the way. Hey, Phoebe. What's up? Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I saw you smash that guitar. That was awesome. It's funny. I've actually been smashed by a guitar. Yeah.

So you've been on the receiving end? Yes, I have. Wait, were you there at SNL? No, no, no. I just have weak, I have a weak body and I picked up a Fender Telecaster and it fell right on top of me. Oh, it smashed myself? Yes, yes. And it's, it kept smashing me. Similar to like the end of a concert. This is like when... It lit me on fire.

No. Yes. Like Jimmy? Played me with its teeth. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was tough. Okay. You look good, though. Hey, I appreciate that. Yeah. You look good. It was years ago. I mean, I got some back issues. I can't sleep much at night because of it. Oh, really? You sleep during the day, though? Yeah. I'm nocturnal. You're just out. I sleep during the night. I hold myself up by my feet from a little pole. Okay. Sometimes I use sonar. No.

I have a question for you. Go ahead, pal. This is past the past. Can I say tagliatelle? Tagliatelle. Can I say tagliatelle? You sure can. And talk to me about some garlic with no cream sauce on it. Listen, honey. I will. You guys both want to talk at the same time. How about a traditional...

Is that a problem? No, no. Do you have a problem with that? Not on this show. No, of course not. Okay. Well, now. Can you believe he brought us all the way here? He brought us all the way here. Now you won't even talk to me? Because we like each other. We get on together. I like the spikes on the back of your neck. I like the way you look. Dang. Dang.

All right. Anyway. Anyway, as I was trying to say. Tagliatelle. Tagliatelle. Have you ever had a lamb ragu tagliatelle? Oh, yes. All right. I love. I mean, sometimes, you know, I used to be chicken beef only. And I used to be like, you know, you had me at, hello, you lost me at lamb. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I do.

know what you mean. You know what I mean. Baby, where are you from? I'm from Gooseneck, Georgia. I thought I heard something like that in here. Yeah, Gooseneck, Georgia. I ain't no hoag baby. You ain't no hoag baby? I was born in a field. You were? Damn right. Okay, but no one was disputing. My mom laid down behind a bunch of corn and had my ass. Oh my God. Come on, Mama D.

My mama did that. Yeah. My mama don't play. Not an epidural inside. Not an epidural. Spit my ass out. Kept working. Kept working. She was working in those fields. Yes, she was. You came out her mouth. You a mouth. You a throat baby. No, she spit me out. I know. I ain't no throat baby. I ain't no throat baby, but I know that song. We like that song. You a throat baby. Okay. You know about that song, Scott. You want a throat baby. Do a little bit of it for them. Talk to everybody. Throat baby.

Baby, what do you want? Throw baby, what do you need?

You remember me, Scott. Of course I do. I used to drive beauty queens. I got a 1988 Camaro convertible with a little bath mat on the back, and I drive beauty queens. And parades are back. Parades are back. That's right. You would drive them in parades. Yes. Those were protests. I see. Those were actually protests. I was trying to take a left right into one of those protests, and they were like, this ain't the moment for you. This ain't Little Miss Sweet in this time. Right. Exactly. But you can call it protests.

protest parade. Well, anytime people are gathering and marching and screaming, I'm like, hey, can I get my Camaro in here? We're the beauty queens. Get them out of the house. They need to do a slow wave like they're holding a little egg. A little baby egg. But you know, you could try a

You got any eggs around here, Scout? I have no eggs, unfortunately. Damn. That's a damn shame. We have a strict bring your own egg policy. Here you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No eggs. No eggs. Single eggs. At least have an egg. At least have one. That doesn't mean no water, no eggs. Maybe. Fine with the

white ones anyway anyway of course we remember you we remember everything about you but catch those people yeah i mean it's been a tough year for us who drive in parades you know it ain't been many parades with the with the whole pandemic but but i you know when march hit last year i quarantined you shut down yeah i've quarantined for almost three weeks and you say almost three weeks

I was about 17 days. I quarantine. I shut shit down. That's on the bad end of two weeks. You can't say 17 days. I shut shit down. Okay. But then you had to get out there? But then we had to get back out there. Yeah, of course. We had to get back out there. It's your livelihood. Yeah. So my first parade back, I drove Miss Sugar-Free Cereal into Potato Gala and we had a good time. We had a really good time. I love that parade.

Isn't it nice? Oh, it's beautiful. They dress potatoes up fancy. You know how you put little spears in potatoes that will power a lamp? Right. You can also put those spears and put them in a little dress. Oh, okay. And they can go to a little gala and they'll power the lights for the gala. Nothing in the rule book says you can't put a dress on it. No. Can I ask you how the potatoes is waving?

Oh, they're like, they're holding a little, a tinier egg. Uh-huh. Like a quail egg. Like a quail egg. Okay. Yeah, I'll drive a potato. Okay. I got no problem. You'll drive a potato? Really? Yeah, yeah. So someone calls you up, say Phoebe calls you up and says, hey, will you drive a potato? You got a potato that won a pageant and you want to drive it? How do you feel about tendrils on potatoes? Like how does everybody feel? Yes.

Oh, damn. I don't know. Tendrils in general. Well, that just means the potato, more potato for the gamer, you know? More potato for the beta? Yeah. Are you a beta? Are you a beta? No. I'm an alpha. Unless you want me to be a beta. Yeah. Because the real alphas can be betas if you want them to. Yeah, exactly. Because you're a switch. I'm first. Yeah, you're a switch. I'm first. You're a switch. Okay. Yeah, I'm first. I'm first.

Yeah. Number one. One. Yes. We listened to the whole thing. We did. That was fun. That was fun. We both said that was fun at the same time. It was fun. So I can understand. It's tentential thinking. It's tentential thinking. Tent-a-tenthal. Tensile thinking. Tent-a-tenthal.

So why is Phoebe agreeing to be on this show other than she's just cool? Well, I knew her from the Between Two Ferns movie. I didn't know her before that. Matt Berninger from The National was asked to write a song for that movie, and he said –

Oh, you know who I'd like to do a duet with is Phoebe Bridgers, and I did not know her at the time. And she showed up and did a really beautiful song in that movie, a great, great part of that movie. And so we got to know each other a little bit, but-

I just kind of like randomly DM'd her out of the blue and was like, hey, do you want to do the podcast? And she wrote me back immediately saying, I would fucking love to. Is that what she wrote? Yes, she did. So and then she had a really good time. But didn't she also think it was a live show at some point? No, I forget if did we just hear that on the clip? I can't. I don't believe so. We she got.

she got her DMS confused. She was DMing, uh, uh, Pete Holmes about doing his Largo show. Right. And, um, DM me and said like,

This is going to be a secret, right? No one knows I'm doing this. That's what it was, yeah. I was like, well, until it comes out. And once it comes out, I guess everyone will know. But you do keep it a secret who is on the show before the episode comes out. I do, actually. Yeah. I like to keep things a secret and just like once they're out, they're out. I don't like to give too much hype to things. Because you're a little devious little elf. Well, there's nothing better than having like a holy shit, this person did it moment, which, you know, like.

Like when we put out the U2 episode where we actually got U2 on the show, like that's a total. We kept that, you know, on lock forever and it was such a secret. So I enjoy giving people that feeling of like, whoa, holy shit. Do you think that people are like that when I'm on the show? I think that everyone forgets that you do these best ofs. So when they see your name on it, they're like, whoa.

Yeah. Everyone let Paul know that they, on this episode in particular, they can't believe that he was on it again. Yeah, I'll take it. Yeah. Great. Let him know. But I will not, this is not a, you understood the assignment. No, no, no. You will not respond. You understood. No, you will never hear anything from me.

And Ego and Phoebe had just done SNL together. And so Saturday Night Live. That was a fun reunion for them. And then Drew is so funny doing that. Yeah. That character. It's good all around. And a fun time. That was in the studio together. That was during the summer. That was really fun. And I had a good time on that episode. Scott, I'm glad to hear that. Thank you. For once. For what? You've not been glad to hear that on the other episodes? No.

Yes, that's right. In other episodes, and you say after every episode I had a good time on this one, I was never glad to hear it until now. Until this time? Okay. I don't know what's different. Why this time? Yeah. I don't know. I'm different maybe. Oh, okay. I'm a new guy. So you'll be happy to hear it from now on? I assume so. Okay, great. All right, let's take a break.

Let's take a break. We still have so much more show to get to. We're cracking the top 10 when we come back. Oh, it's got to be cracked and we're the guys to do it. We're the guys to do it. When we come back, we'll hear your choice for the 10th episode of the year. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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51 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. Comedy Bang Bang. Best of 20... Best of 2021. 22? No. 1. That is right. We're not next year. No one is watching you now. Till Tuesday. What is that from? Till Tuesday. Until Tuesday. Would they have been as popular if they had said... Until Tuesday. Until Tuesday.

What was I referring to? Have they ever said – have they ever come out and said what that band name is referring to? I think if I had to guess, and I'm surprised that I never asked. Was it about – it's about Wimpy and his hamburgers.

Yes, I will gladly pay you till Tuesday for a hamburger today. So Wimpy was offering to pay someone almost a week's worth of money for a hamburger. I will pay you until, all, everything I have up until Tuesday for one hamburger today. I think it's a reference to a British expression, which is more or less like you would add it on, it would be like something, the equivalent of like till the end of time.

Oh, okay. Do this till Tuesday. Eight days a week. What if it was eight days a week? Instead of purely just the five. Ringo, do you not know how long weeks are? I don't know. I'm just guessing. He makes the one little vote when they're in the hall of get back. Oh, when he's like, I want to go up to the roof. Exactly. And they all go, Ringo, you're

You're adorable. Thank you. If Ringo wants to do it, we'll all do it. They do. They love him. How could you not? How could you not? Peace and love. The people who don't love him are the people who want him to autograph things. That's right. He told you. He gave you a deadline. Why don't you talk? I'll look up till Tuesday. All right. I'm going to talk for a bit. We're here counting down your choices and we're cracking the top 10. This has never been done on this episode before.

Cracking the top 10 episodes. It's never been done, but we're about to do it. We're about to tell you what the next clip that we're going to hear is. But before we do that, Paul has been furiously typing away with his fingers, trying to find the genesis of the phrase till Tuesday. And I believe he's found it. Here's the first thing I found.

I'm off until Tuesday is present tense. It usually means I'm off now and will be off until Tuesday. I'll be off until Tuesday is future tense. It usually means that I will be off in the future, but not now and will be off until Tuesday. Fucking British people, explain what you mean.

Yeah, I get it. Till Tuesday means you – something's going to happen. I mean that – Not going to happen until Tuesday. That much I knew. All right. Well, we'll figure this out. And of course, if you know the answer, please don't send us any kind of messages about it. Yeah.

But, Paul, you ready to do it? Yeah, I'm ready to do it. You can look it up during the clips, but we're about to get to it. I have to listen to the clips. I know. We're cracking the top ten. This is your episode ten. Number ten. All right, Paul. Number one, zero. I think we have a ten. Yeah, of course. Okay. I don't think there was a zero. Number zero. A very wide area of distance. All over the place over a very wide area of distance. Good luck escaping Aunt Louise. She could talk from here until next Tuesday.

Until next Tuesday, though. I don't know. But that does make sense. Fucking, oh, what's this? See you next Tuesday. All right, Paul. Yeah. Let me hit you with some stats. This is episode 688. We're in the 600s.

Everything up until now has been in the 700s. So this is before then. This is before then. Shall I give you a date? Of course. January 11th, 2021. Yes. So this is early in the year. Very early in the year. Almost as early as you can get.

Probably the second episode of the year. I think it's 10 days shy of the earliest in the year you can be. Probably. I haven't run the numbers on this.

Run them and crunch them, my friend. Run them, gun them, and bun them. I need those numbers. Run and crunched. Runched and crunched. Runch. Runch them. I always liked that in a movie where people would rhyme things and it would not make any sense, but it would sound official. Like I know in Die Hard 2, they're like, rack them, pack them, and stack them, gentlemen.

It's official stuff. That's like serious business. It's very serious. Did you have to do all three of those? I'm not sure what he was talking about. He was talking about maybe like, hey, go grab your guns out of your apartment. Get your guns out of your apartment. Stack them on top of each other. To make one super gun. Put a rack in, a rack of bullets. Okay. I'll have a rack of bullets, please.

The lady will have a bowl. And then you stack them on top of each other. And that's very intimidating to anyone who wants to do you harm. When you see a stack of guns. Ooh. That would make even John McClane blush. John McClane, the maverick. He should have been in the movie Maverick.

Can we go back and erase? Can we go back and erase people? You know how they erase Kevin Spacey? Yeah, erase him. Can we go back and erase? Did he get erased out of anything? He got erased out of all the money in the world. We got replaced. They had to. First you erase, then you replace. Did they have Christopher Plummer on a green screen? Yeah. And they just shot all this shit? Yeah. They didn't do reshoots? No. I think they did a couple of reshoots, but every once in a while they just did them on a green screen. But they did reshoots because Mark Wahlberg-

wanted like a million dollars or whatever. Oh, and they gave it to him. Yeah, because he was a dick. Yeah. Because they're like, okay, asshole. You're contractually obligated to do reshoots. Anyway, watch his documentary about his life. As I did one night. Oh, boy. For inexplicable reasons. Boy, oh, boy. And then who, did he produce this? Yes. I'm going to assume there's one incident that was not mentioned in the documentary. Oh, boy.

I'll have to ask you about that. You have to. He did go to Wahlbergers corporate offices and looked around and said, why are there so many TVs here? Like he was – he had never been, first of all, it's years into the business. And he's like – then he goes in the break room. He's like, why is there a TV in the break room? Why is there a TV in the break room? People are just going to be watching TV when they should be working? Yeah.

It's the break room. Why aren't people working in the break room? I have a revolutionary business concept. People working on their breaks. No one has ever thought of this before. What do people's houses? There's beds in the room. There's full room of beds in it. It's rooms just have beds in it. And some of the clothes. You can't work in your sleep. All right. You want to know the title of this?

Yeah, I mean, I think I know what it is. What do you think it is? I mean, I know what episode it is. Oh, okay. But give me the title just for the hell of it. This is one called the Sugar Hill Gang Museum. Sugar Hill Gang Museum, yeah. Sugar Hill Gang Museum. Is this ringing any bells, Paul? Of course it is. I remember this very well. Do you really? Nope. Okay, let me tell you about it. Okay. This is two people and two alone.

This is Edie Patterson and yourself.

And you weren't there? No, I was there. Yes. I wish I wasn't there. This was a Zoom episode. This was a Zoom episode. This is right when the year started. I believe we had a guest who dropped out. Yes, because they didn't have the proper recording equipment or they couldn't figure it. Like we just couldn't figure it out. We were on the Zoom together and we were like, we can't figure it out. Yeah. And I was like, let's just do one of the two of us or the three of us rather, the two of you and myself. Yeah.

And this was really funny. Edie Patterson, people may know from The Righteous Gemstones. She plays the one daughter in the family. And it's so, so funny on that. And she is playing a character that she's done for a long time called Bean Dip. Bean Dip. And...

She's sort of my sidekick on this episode. Although I believe we did 20 minutes up at the top together just talking about Bean Dip and her weird stuff. And then, Paul, you are playing a character. You can let us know who that is. I would bet it's Cal Solomon. It is Cal Solomon. That's right.

Yes. Cal Solomon, explain what Cal Solomon's thing is. Cal Solomon is an older gentleman who says that he is one of the founding members of the Sugar Hill Gang. But when you get into the legendary rap group from the 70s, but when you get into his story, it seems like he really wasn't. Yes. He seems like a sad, lonely person. Not even, but cheerfully lonely. I don't know if he even seems that lonely.

lonely. Yeah. His life, I guess his circumstances seem sad, but he seems very upbeat about it. He's also very weirdly self-aware that he knows he can't rap, but he keeps trying to do it. And he knows that he didn't quite fit in and that's fine with him. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. He understands why he's not in the group. Sure. But at the same time, it hurts to be kicked out. And interesting fact, uh,

I recently put together a Cal Solomon costume. Oh. Because I'm doing these live shows again in Los Angeles. And I'm doing some of my characters on them. Okay. And I thought this would be a fun one to do live. I got to know what is in that costume, but don't spoil it because people may be showing up to the show and wanting to see it for the first time. I won't spoil it, but I will tell you this. It was very... There are pants involved. He doesn't wear pants. He wears a shirt. Yeah.

It was more difficult. Let's just say fans of shoes will not be disappointed. It was more difficult than I thought to find Sugar Hill Gang apparel. Okay. In the year 2021. Too bad. But I did, I did, I put something together that amuses me greatly and I think people will enjoy it. Do you have one of those LL Cool J bucket hats? I thought about that and decided not to. Okay. The Kangol. Kangol.

This is a really funny episode. We'll talk about it a little more specifically, but the title of the episode is what you're going to hear, The Sugarhill Gang Museum. Let's hear it. This is your choice for number 10. Number 10. Please welcome Cal Solomon.

Hi, everybody. Hi, Scott. It's good to see you. It's great to see you. It's a happy new year. May I be the first to say this to you? You are not the first. I'm sorry to say I've seen other people since the last time I saw you. So, yeah, some other people have said it, but you're still getting in there pretty early. Were people saying it to you last year? I mean, since the last time I saw you, that was like five months ago. Some people did say happy new year when it was getting close to New Year's Eve. I hate that. Because they want to be the first. I hate that.

I think just as a pleasantry. And they knew they probably weren't going to see me between New Year's Eve and the new year. And so it sort of became like a happy new year because the new year is coming up. Oh, I see. So like if I don't see you, happy new year kind of thing. Yeah, it's like a shorthand. Sure. I understand. Speaking of shorthands.

How big are your bad boys there? Hold them up to the camera if you could. You know, I have very long hands. Whoa, those are really, those are like ET size. Oh my God. Oh, I never look down at your hands anytime we've ever done a show together. I keep them hidden because I know they're distracting.

How come it's got knobs on the end of the fingers just like E.T.? Oh, hello, young lady. My name's Cal Solomon. This is Bean Dip, by the way, Cal Solomon. Hi, Bean Dip. It's nice to meet you. Hi, Cal. Nice to meet you. Happy New Year. Happy New Year to you, dear. Shorthand. Shorthand. So it looks like you have ten of, like, Uma Thurman thumbs. Here's what it is. Are you talking about from that one movie? No, from all movies. Even cowgirls get the blues? Sure.

My favorite Tom Robbins adaptation. I have, I do have very long fingers and they're so long that at the very tips, another knuckle started to grow. Oh, no.

So does that come in handy at all? Is that a good thing? No, it's actually a hindrance in many ways. Because now you can bend your finger in, I guess, three different places. Well, no, it's just the knuckle is right there, and there's nothing to bend because it just stops at the knuckle. Oh, it's at the tip? It's at just the tip. So why are you...

Where are your fingerprints? Below the knuckle. My fingerprints are below the extraneous knuckle, which makes it very difficult to operate anything like a touchscreen, you know, things like that. Right. Something that requires a fingerprint identification. Something that requires a fingerprint identification. Although... Although... You can now probably not leave fingerprints on things when you're pressing buttons or...

murdering people, I would imagine. This is great news. Well, I mean, I'm not so much of a murderer, so it hasn't come in handy in that way. Have you ever, have you done anything? Let's say. Sure I have. Okay, but let me be a little more specific. Oh, okay. Have

Have you done anything in 2021 or 2020? Sure I have. Okay, but again, I'm going to narrow it down slightly. Oh, okay. I'm sorry I keep jumping the gun. That you didn't want the police to know you were done. Oh, there was more. Wait, you were going to say sure after that you didn't want the police? No, I didn't. I don't want the police.

But no, I mean, I'm a pretty American cucumbers are bountiful. I'm a I'm a I'm a pretty I'm a pretty law abiding guy. You know, I don't really get into too much trouble. So, you know, the having the fingerprints be hard to get on stuff hasn't been something that's worked in my favor. Yeah. Yeah. I can only think of, you know, one or two examples of it.

being a bummer, you know, like trying to turn on your phone, but I can think of a lot. Yeah. Or maybe like when you're picking up food at a restaurant.

When I'm picking out food at a restaurant? When you're picking it up, like you got a to-go order, you're not trying to get your fingerprints all over the to-go order. That's true. I know that's a pet peeve for a lot of people when they go get their to-go orders, and by the time they get home, it's covered with fingerprints. It's just covered with smudges everywhere. Nobody wants it. We need some sort of way to fix this. Don't you hate when you're taking your trash out and you have that nice... Oh, boy. I hadn't thought about that, but...

This is quite akin to your previous rap, is it not? Have you ever been in your own house and you have to take the trash out? I mean, the bag is shiny. It's black and sleek. And it makes you want to shout. So you pick up the bag. But don't you realize? You got fingerprints all over the bag. And now it's smudged and it doesn't look like new anymore. And it looks like trash, which I guess is okay because it's the trash. You're taking the trash out. Oh.

Oh, boy, you lost it right there at the end. It got away from me. So how long did you think you were in the group? This is what I'm getting to. Did you go over to one of their houses the next time they got together, assuming that you were in it? Or at what point did you find out you were not in it? No, I didn't really see any of those guys together or separately. Even your neighbor? I would see him like as he was going in and out the door, you know what I mean? But I didn't see him for any meaningful amount of time. Was he trying to avoid you?

Gosh, I hope not. I hope not. I would say, hi, Wondermike. So at what point did you figure, you never saw them again. At what point did you realize to yourself, oh, I'm probably not in this group? Was it when the record came out? Yeah, I think when I heard the song in the radio and I said, why does this sound familiar? And then the more it went on, the more I, you know, I'm recognizing the voices. Wondermike? Big Bang Hank? Yeah.

Choreo? Master G? And the rest? And then I realized like, oh, they made it a thing. They're a real rapping group and I'm not in it.

And at what point were you listening to hip-hop stations? I don't even know if they had hip-hop stations at the time, but I guess it was played on pop radio. It was played on pop radio. I heard it on Top 40 Radio. Wow. Yeah. Top 40. And at that point, you're still living next door to Wonder Mike? I'm still living next door to Wonder Mike. Did you go over to his house and demand answers, or what happened? I don't know.

No, I did send him a note. I slipped a note under his door saying, Wonder Mike, congratulations. I heard your song on the radio. I'll never forget that great day at the barbecue that Big Bang Hank threw at your home. How much fun we had creating rap music. So you were trying to get in. You were writing a complimentary note, but also you were trying to get in good cow, right? Yeah.

Well, I mean, I don't try to be too devious about things, but I wanted to leave the door open. Like, if you wanted to record with me, of course, I'd love to record with the Sugar Hill Gang. But I didn't want to be too pushy about it. But he moved about a week after that. Really? Did he put up a for sale sign, like, an hour after you left the note? Not an hour after I left the note, but the next day. Okay.

So that was a quick, it sounds like a quick close, quick escrow. Yeah. I mean, I chalked it up to, I mean, it was a great house. I mean, I'm not surprised that it went that quickly. Well, sure. A three bedroom with the two and a half baths. But have you checked back in on Zillow with this house and seen, do you still live there? I still live in the same place. So what are, what are the houses in the area? Like, what are they worth right now?

What's it going to take to get you out of this house is what I'm... Oh. I'd like to buy your house. It never occurred to me to... Well, Scott, why? Why do you want to buy my house? Don't you love the house? It sounds like a great area, the Sugar Hill. Sugar Hill is a great place to live. Yeah.

I love it. I've been living there all my life. It never occurred to me to look at the prices of the houses. I mean, I, I, I didn't, what, what, go ahead. What's your question? Maybe I was about to answer it. Did you inherit the house or did you, did you buy it? I was about to say I inherited the house. So I've never known what it costs and I've never known what the houses around me cost.

Who'd you inherit it from, Cal? I inherited it from my parents. They're deceased now. But when they were alive, they lived in the house. And did they inherit it from someone like a millionaire who left them in their will? Or did they buy it?

Yeah, did they buy it or did they get it from a vampire who died? I'm trying to think back. I don't remember hearing any stories like that, so I would imagine they just bought it and didn't inherit it from a vampire. Maybe you were too young and they didn't want to scare you. Hey, that could be. They were very loving parents.

So the house has been in your family for, well, at least two generations. At least two generations. But decades. Yeah, that's safe to say. I'm decades old. Have they passed on at the time of the party or? Yeah, they were gone by then. Yeah. Yeah. Cal, will you end up giving the house to anybody who you like? Well, I mean, I don't have any heirs. I'm not married. I don't think. Right. And. Please go ahead.

And, you know, I don't know who I'd leave the house to. I mean... What about the Big Bang Hanks family? I...

To the best of my knowledge, Big Bang Hank's family is doing pretty good. I think all of the guys ended up doing okay. Master G, Cory, Cory-o. I think that I think they're all right. You know, although in the streaming era, you know, maybe they could use some, you know, I mean, you have to stream a song a thousand times for it to count as a as a sale. You know, I see. I see.

This is music business accounting, I tell you. You feel like in the advent of streaming, probably the Sugarhill Gang took quite a hit. I think so. They could maybe use some property.

Hey, you never know. Oh, I know what I could do. What? I could turn it into the Sugar Hill Gang Museum. That sounds great. What a great idea. A non-profit. Yeah. Oh, yeah, non-profit. Or for profit. Well, no, I mean, this is after I'm gone. So I can make the plans now. And it could be a non-profit thing. It would just be a place in Sugar Hill where people could go and they could see the origins of the gang. And I could have... What would be in the museum? Would it be like...

I can only imagine a very large window overlooking Wonder Mike's backyard where it all goes down. You got to have that. I maybe even want to knock out a wall to make the window even bigger, you know, so you can, you can like, it would be like you're walking into an environment like a terrarium, you know, looking out and then you feel like you're a bug trapped in there. That sounds great. Awesome.

So, yeah, what else could you get? I mean, look, if I were to go to the Sugar Hill Museum and— Can I say something? I'm really hung up on this idea of knocking out that wall and making it all glass so you feel like you're a terrarium, a bug in a terrarium. Maybe you can do it even without the museum idea. Well, yeah. I think what I want to do is just create an environment where people feel like they're bugs in a terrarium. That's a good idea.

This sounds great. Yeah, like a nature museum kind of thing. See, if I were to go to a Sugar Hill gang museum and there was no gold record, no old furniture, and all there was was a window overlooking someone else's house. Can you imagine the disappointment if you show up to the Sugar Hill gang museum and there's no old furniture? I'd be so mad. I would think, I drove across the country and there's no chairs. There's no built-in television? No.

I would be furious. So instead, do a nature museum idea where people can go inside, feel like they're bugs trapped in a terrarium. Right. You can sort of do a bugs life kind of thing, get giant things and put them in your house. Yeah, giant things. Sure, like a big shoe or something. And Cal, while people are being bugs in a terrarium, you could play Sugar Hill gang music and your music. Here's what I'm thinking.

First of all, they walk in, they think it's just a nature museum where there are bugs. Scott, I don't mean to shoot down your idea, but I think a big shoe is the last thing you'd want to have in there when you try to make people feel like they're bugs. So I would have giant blades of grass. I'd have like a big dime. How often do you think bugs encounter a big shoe, though? I would say more often than a blade of grass.

Or a dime. Than a blade of grass? More than a dime. They live in the grass.

They do live in the grass. So they go in the living room. That's the entrance. And so I have like a, you know, like just a light that's pointed at them. They say, now it's time to shrink you down to bug size. And then there's a noise like beep, boop, beep, boop, beep, boop, beep, boop, beep. And then I say, now you're bug size. When you go in the next room, you're going to be the size of a bug.

And then they walk in there and it's the blades of grass and it's the dime. And maybe the shoe. No, Scott, I'm sorry. I got to put my foot down about this. No pun intended. Scott, stop trying to be the CEO of the insect place. Thank you, Bean Dish. I'm just saying. I think I got to say the shoe doesn't feel right to me. So if the shoe doesn't fit. I must admit. I must admit. I don't like it.

If the shoe doesn't fit, then don't add it to the bug museum. Classic. There we go. Now that I can get behind. So then there's like, I record like a voiceover saying, now you're a bug. Look around. Why not do it live?

Just like Bill O'Reilly would. Because I'll have passed on, Scott. This is the first half. Oh, I thought that you were doing this while you were still alive. No, no, no. This is my legacy. Is that when I die, since I don't have any ass to pass the house on to, it will become this nature museum. And a little surprise coming up. Would you then, on the voiceover...

introduce yourself as the recently deceased Cal Solomon. Hello, I'm the recently deceased Cal Solomon. Well, I wouldn't say recently. I think that's going to bum people out. And I might not mention that I'm deceased. I might just say, hi, this is Cal Solomon, one of, I thought, the founding members of the Sugar Hill Gang. Cal, I know what you could say. You could say, hi, this is Cal Solomon. I am not deceased. Oh, no one would be bummed out by that.

It would be, although I feel like it would raise some questions. Like people might be saying, why did he say that? It makes me think he is, he is deceased and he's trying to pretend like he's not. Number 10. Ah, good shit. We listened. Yeah, that was a good clip we listened to. I liked, uh,

I mean, what I enjoy, this kind of encapsulates what I enjoy doing about the show. Oh, fun. Which is none of the museum stuff was planned. It all was just like discovered in the moment and just us saying like, oh, what if this? What if that? And the whole museum part of it-

came out and everyone sort of had their game. Like, you know, I had the big shoe stuff that I was trying to fit in there, you know, so any opportunity trying to get the big shoe thing, it just is really like what I, what I, a free flowing conversation. That's always funny, never boring. And includes big shoes. And includes big shoes. Those are my three. I'm a foot guy. I like things to be always funny, never boring and have a big shoe.

I think you're going to find that for 2022, Earwolf podcasts are all going to be about feet. Because I'm a foot guy. I've always said it. It's fun to be a foot guy. You can be right out front about it. Yeah. It's not weird. No. It's not. It's not private. No. It's public. It's something everyone should know about. I love feet. A little bit of trivia about this episode. A little bit of luck starring Brett Kelman. That's true.

Do you remember what was going on in the world during this episode? When we taped this episode? I feel... Oh, what was the date again? Well, the date that it came out was January 11th. Yes. Okay, so here's what happened. We did this episode and from the... We taped it in the morning and from the half hour we spent trying to get the other guests' stuff to work and it didn't work and...

And then, you know, us taping and it was about a two and a half hour process of us being on the thing. Right. And when when I was taping at home and this was on on a Wednesday, I believe our gardeners usually come on Wednesday and I have my coworker.

I have them, her communicate with them about when they should not be, you know, in advance. Like, oh, Scott's taping from this time to this time, so please don't

do the, uh, the, the leaf blowing and all that. So because it took a little bit longer than necessary, I had been texting during the show of like, Hey, we're still taping. We're still taping. Can they hold off? And so she, she had been texting me, well, let me know when you're done. Cause they're waiting to go. And so the minute we were done and we pressed stop on the zoom, I texted and said, okay, uh, we just finished and I got a text back, uh,

okay, I think you should turn on the news now. And I said, Paul-

She's saying we should turn on the news. And I've not asked you about the particulars of this. And you said, oh, yes, it appears there is a huge insurrection going on at the Capitol. Now, had you been clocking that during the episode? Had you been watching out of the corner of your eye or had been someone telling you about this? No, Janie was texting me because I was. Janie said they had a gun? Whoa.

She texted me, I think. She started texting me right before your coworker was texting you. Okay. And this is a mysterious stranger. This is a very mysterious person that we don't want to name. The baker. So you were talking to the baker, and I think like five minutes before, my wife Janie had sent me a couple texts like saying, there's something weird is going on, and then these guys, like, they have breached the Capitol? Yeah.

It's not funny, but the situation is funny. What a wild text to get. Like so crazy. So crazy to be, because we're so connected to our phones where like anything weird happens, we tend to know pretty soon. Yeah. But we put our phones away during when we do this. And so it's just like crazy that for two hours, the two hours it was happening, we were out of commission. Yeah. But it also proves that we were not there.

That's true. We have an ironclad alibi. We do. Unlike some people we know. True. Look, I was on Mr. Show and I'm proud to say I was not at the January 6th insurrection.

And then we'll go around the room and we'll see who else can say such a thing. Who else can make the claim? But that was really fun. Edie's so funny. That was a ball, yeah. And that's just, I was like listening to that clip. It's so funny. So great episode. And Cal Solomon also notably one of the characters that is very nice to Scott. Yes, one of your only, your characters are...

99% of the time really annoyed with me and give me a lot of pushback. Sure. And so it's always fun to have one on who's nice. Who's the one that likes you the least of my characters? Oh, God. I know who I think it is. Bubbles. That's exactly right. Yeah. Big chunky bubbles. Yeah. But he's mad at the world. He can't take it personally. Yeah, I don't take it personally. What's he been up to? You know, we haven't heard from him in at least a year at this point. I don't know. He'll have to come back. He'll have to come back. We got to have him. He's got to come back. All right. But speaking of coming back,

We want you to come back because now we're going to be in single digits when we come back. We have your choice for episode number nine. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. For 25 years, Mike's has been making lemonade the hard way. Mike's Hard Lemonade. Hard days deserve a hard lemonade. Mike's is hard, so is prison. Don't drive drunk. Premium all beverage with flavors. All registered trademarks used under license by Mike's Hard Lemonade Company, Chicago, Illinois.

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Comedy Bang Bang listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. Visit rosettastone.com slash comedy. That's rosettastone.com slash comedy. Comedy Bang Bang. Comedy Bang Bang. Yes, sir-y Bob. Three bags full. That's a lot of wool. I'd love to have three bags of wool. What would you do with it?

I'd trade it for gas. One gallon of gas? We're practically there. Oh, my God. When you go past these gas stations, you're like, three bags of wool for one gallon? Thanks, Biden. I had to fill my car up. Now I'm shivering. Well, seriously, when we get to the barter economy, which is going to happen. Sure. Well, crypto, hopefully, before that. Goddamn.

I just saw a thing, a tweet where some artist was like, hey, I just saw that my stuff was being made in NFTs. Yeah. And that they have to spend, they could spend all day filing copyright claims. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like people are just out there stealing people's artwork and making NFTs out of it. It's just, what are we doing? I want to see those NFTs because maybe they're better than the ones I've seen, which all look like shit. Yeah. Should this be an NFT though? What we're doing right now? Yes, absolutely. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

You can't fudge this. I'd love to see you try to fudge this. You can't fudge this. That's an NFT. That is it. That's the nift. That's the one we'll do. That's the nift.

I saw one about Stan Lee. Excelsior! Please don't make me cryptocurrency. Please don't make me an NFT. My one wish, true believers. When I die, let me be a corpse and not an unfungible token. He saw it before anyone did. All right.

Let's get to it. We're cracking the top ten, Paul. No, I mean we already cracked the top ten. We're now in single digits. We're continuing to crack it. We're in single digits. This is your choice for episode number nine. Number nine. All right, Paul. Let me hit you with some stats. All right. Episode 705. So we're back in the sevens. So early in the 700s. Pretty early. Not as early as you can get. No, but like the mid-710s. Probably...

It's closer to 701 than 710. It's an interesting way to look at it. You're a pessimist. Yeah, I think I am. This is from May 10th, 2021. Okay, May 10th, this year, springtime. Would have been one week after the...

anniversary show because the anniversary is always the first week in May. And everybody's exhausted. Everyone's exhausted. From partying and fucking. Yep. From partying and fucking. A lot of people don't know, but the minute this show ends, we just fuck each other. We fuck. Hey, are you missing Samantha on the new? Just listen to us. We like to fuck. We like to fuck. After podcasting. Podcasting, I call that foreplay for fucking. Um,

Yeah, don't know. Don't know. Okay, let me hit you with a title. Better Call, Bed Bath and Beyond. Okay. Okay. I think I know one person who was on this. You should know two from that title. Well, the one, yeah. Okay. I think I know two. Can I name them? Yeah, name them. I'm going to say Bobbo Denkirk. Bobbo Denkirk. Bobbo was on this. Bobbo was on this. Mr. Denkirk himself. Yes. Bob O, well, it's apostrophe. It's O apostrophe O.

Bob Odenkirk. Bob Odenkirk. When would you ever see Bob Odenkirk on the silver screen? And Lily Sullivan, not hard. Yes. There you go. You got them both. Also, Griffin Newman is in this episode. We're not going to hear his clip. Griffin, sorry. I know you're a loyal listener, but we're not playing your clip on here. Sorry, you little cuck. He's a beta. He knows. He knows we won't.

This is a funny episode. This is a funny episode. A lot of people are aware that I listened. I'm a fan of the show. I listen to the show every week. Every week? Every week. Maybe one or two I don't listen to. I understand. I look at the lineup. Not me? Guess I'll pass. I mean, I listen to a good amount of episodes every year, but not all. This is a fun one. Bob, of course, is our old friend from the aforementioned Mr. Show, which was a...

Just a breeding ground for... A few things. But gave us certainly our starts in show business. For sure. And Bob, some might say, and I would be chief amongst them, that was sort of a mentor to me in my early years in comedy. Absolutely.

always on the Comedy Bang Bang TV show, showed up anytime I would ask him and had a very special part on the final episode, which I wanted to make sure he was a part of. And he, of course, people know from Better Call Saul.

Where he plays Ical Sal on the show. That's right. And he had a movie, and you'll hear him talking about it a little bit, a movie called Nobody, which came out right around this time, which is a great movie. I believe it's coming to HBO Max or something in a couple of weeks. I almost. If you haven't seen it. I really enjoyed that movie. I almost didn't watch it because of the title. And I thought, well, nobody's in it. Well, no, I'm somebody. I should be watching this.

Oh, that's the way you took it. Yeah. Like nobody should watch this? I took it to mean nobody's in the movie. Right. And it would just be like pictures of empty fields and stuff? Yeah, it's like I don't need that shit. No. Why would you watch that? But no, actually he is in it. He's the only person in it. He's the only person in it. It's just him eating lunch. They should call it One Body. One Body.

Of course, after this, Bob had some troubles, well-documented troubles. That's true. But he seems to be okay now and we will hopefully- He got in trouble. He has a crazy gambling problem. Yeah. And he was arrested and beaten. In the face. About the face. He was beaten about the face. Let's be honest. We can't say we beat you in the face. We beat you about the face.

But, yeah, so we're going to hear him talk for a bit, and then we're going to hear Lily, of course, a great comedian. She is playing her, probably her most recurring character, character. Character. Francesca Bolognese, which is a fan favorite. So let's hear this clip. This is what you chose to be episode number nine. Number nine. Scott, I really...

It was a weird thought that I could do this, and I can't believe I went down. No, I read an interview. And look, I don't just sit around reading interviews that you do, Bob. Don't get that impression, you know? Like, I could have just called you myself and asked you all these questions. You have other interviews to read. Sure, of course. But I did read an interview about how this film got made. You took a look at how well...

the TV show was doing in foreign markets. Is that what it was? Yeah. And you said, hey, what if I made a movie that did well in foreign markets as well, which are mainly action films because they translate well. And you just got it together and you did it. Yeah. I mean, it took a long time, took years. And I think I was more surprised by the fact that when I first suggested it,

No, people didn't say you're crazy or that could never happen. They most everybody who heard it, the pitch, which was basically that

You know me from Mr. Show and all this comedy that I did, but around the world, like, nobody's seen any of that. They've only seen Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, The Post, these kinds of movies. And I play in, especially in Better Call Saul, I play like an earnest guy who's like kind of devious. It's an earnest film, almost. Like earnest goes to lawyer school. Well, we wanted to call it earnest is nobody. Yeah.

But there's some legal thing where you can't just use the earnest name. The lawyer, and you're a lawyer on that show. Couldn't you have, like, figured it out? Actually, to become a lawyer in real life, I have to do, like, 10 more episodes. Oh, okay. And then that will make me an official real lawyer. You have to do, you either have to go to law school and pass the bar, or you have to do 60 episodes of a TV show that is...

in the legal system in some manner. All the people on night court are all lawyers and judges now. Um,

John Larroquette represented me when I had a misdemeanor. Missing misdemeanor. Yeah. By the way, she's a lawyer. She's a lawyer, weirdly enough. Yeah, it's crazy. And they just said, you know what a misdemeanor is, clearly. That's your name. You clearly have a basis for legal thinking and thought and...

and the structures and strictures of legal law. And we want you to please be a lawyer. And Missy Misdemeanor Elliott said, please, thank you. I would love that. That's very honored to be me. And I appreciate you. And together... Together they came to an agreement where... They came to an agreement. That's why at the Supreme Court right now, there's only one justice, Missy Misdemeanor Elliott. That's right.

So she's a social media expert. Please welcome back to the show, Francesca Bolognese. Hi. No, Scott, I'm not a social media expert. You always get it wrong with your team. I

I don't know who at your team say the wrong thing, but I am not a social media expert. I beg your pardon. I don't have a team necessarily as much as... Your big team of people that you work with, they get it wrong every time I come on. Look, I know that I have 20 people standing behind me right now, but they don't work on the show. They're just watching. So I am not a social media expert.

And I know last time I come on, I work for Bitbet and Beyond and Best Buy Beyond. I don't work for them anymore, Scott. What? I get a new job. You have, as Rudy North said, you have a new job.

I have a new job, yes. This is incredible. Bob, I don't know if you have ever listened to the show before. I'm doubting that you ever have, but Francesca here, what would you do? You were working for Bed Bath & Beyond and you would go on to...

Instagram posts that they would post and argue with the clients? Is that essentially what it was? Let's say somebody comment on a picture on like, I don't know, Twitter of Beth and Bea on the product and they say, oh, wow.

I went to Bed Bath and Beyond and I buy myself a VCR and inside the VCR I find a lot of little hairs. Well, that for me, then I commented, no, you a piece of shit. Why you not take your VCR, go sink to the bottom of a pit of mud and die?

But so I get fired for that. Wait, you got fired? I thought you got hired for that. I thought that's what they wanted you to do. No, they didn't know that I was doing what I was doing. Oh, no. And you confessed it on this podcast. Well, yes, but mostly because I comment on the bed and body work that...

Beth and Betty work a post and I say, why you not take your body wash, cucumber scented body wash, shove it up your stupid butt and drown with the body wash in your body.

Till you die. Oh, no. So you're not only responding to complaint posts that people do for your own company, Bed Bath & Beyond, but you're out there trying to snipe other companies and tear them down? Yes. And so then Bed Bath & Body Works, they sue Bed Bath & Beyond and then they fire me.

And I said, what do you want me to do? Where am I supposed to go? Yeah. Yeah. When people are fired, you should be given like where you should go. A different job. Yeah. Yeah. You should be, you're fired from here, but now walk down the street. It's like take a penny, leave a penny. Like, you know, get fired, you know, but also you get hired here. Yeah. And that didn't happen. And that didn't happen. No, that didn't happen. I have a son. I have a son. What? What?

When did you have this son? We've never talked about this. Is this new? Did you just have a baby? No, no, no. He is 17 years old. I had him for a long time. You just had a 17-year-old? How long have you had him? About 17 years? I got him...

I got him about, yeah, I don't know, 15 years ago I got him. Okay, yeah, somewhere in that range. So I said to Bat and Beyond CEO named Richard, I said, Richard, what do you want me to do with my son? Where do you want me to go? And my husband, Ryan. You have a husband too? Does he work? Does your husband work?

My husband, he work, he make the blades for razors. He makes those? Like he works at the factory? Yes. Or he does them one at a time? He work at the factory, but he make each blade by hand for Gillette. Wow, handmade artisan. Yes.

Has he ever cut himself? Everyone asks that. All the time. That's got to be the question. He's constantly on medical leave, which is why I need to work for both of us. So I... I bet in that plant they have one of those, you know, days since the last time accident, but it says hours or even minutes. Seconds maybe or moments. So I say...

Yes. I'm sorry to take you down this side road. I know you're trying to express something important. No, obviously, but Francesca, you've never mentioned your family. I've never even brought it up. I apologize. So you've been fired because you willfully and on your own offered critiques of some of the commentary on social media of your own company. You were trying to defend your company and then you started making snipey comments about other companies. You are almost a lawyer, Bob.

Well, I think the word, the term snipey comments gives it away. Of course. I've obviously studied for the bar. What would Sal say about this? I can settle it for you. Just give me a lot of money and I'll lie. Yeah, that sounds about right. That guy. That character. Wow. Now listen.

What are you going to do? What are you going to do? You have a son. You have a husband. Neither of them. This is what I, yeah. So what are you going to do? No, that's us asking you. What are you going to do? You can't just say yeah. So I say. You can't just agree with us. CEO.

I say, what do you want me to do? He says, you know what? Bed Bath & Beyond opened a high school in Chicago. Why you no go work for the high school? What? Wait, Bed Bath & Beyond opened a high school?

So it's like a branded high school? Yes, everything but that and beyond. Really? This is incredible. I mean, I wonder, I've always wondered, Bob, and I'm sure you have, why don't more companies open high schools? You know what I mean? Like Subway. Okay, it's a sandwich shop, but why don't they open a high school? Uh...

This I don't know, Scott. People just have a, well, there's a dearth of imagination in some of our boardrooms. So they opened a high school in Chicago and they said, why don't you just go work there? Is everything in the high school Bed Bath & Beyond, like you can find it in the actual Bed Bath & Beyond stores? Yes, every product is there. The mascot is one bath and one bed. The school mascot? Yeah.

School mascot. School mascot, yes. One bed and one bath. Yes. Yes. Okay. Wow. So I had to move to Chicago. Oh, no. The worst. So I go to Chicago. I'm like, what the fuck is this place? Everything so, everybody so drunk all the time. Yeah.

Everybody tell me that I should know where the lake is because that's how I know where I am in the city. That's all they care about there. Everybody tell me I need to eat a pizza. I go to a stupid restaurant. Yes, I wait eight hours, nine hours. Nine hours? I can fit in three gym sessions. Out comes a lasagna. Yeah.

I'm a pie crust. Wait a minute, are you just doing your stand-up chunk about Chicago right now, or is that what you're working on? Yeah, so that's another thing. I get into comedy. Oh, yeah, everyone in Chicago is into comedy. I mean, in improv, I take a second class. Yeah, everyone is there. Yeah, it's mandatory when you move to Chicago. So it's just been really a lot of trauma and trouble for you. The two TRs. Since you were fired.

But you do have a job at the Bed Bath & Beyond High School. Yeah, what do you actually do there? Is it high school or junior high? It's a high school. I work as a guidance counselor for the kids to get into college. You're a very critical thinker. And I think that's kind of good for a guidance counselor. You can analyze things. Yeah. Thank you. So have you... Yeah, so have you... Do you feel...

Is it working out? Is it a good job? Because you sound like you're very unhappy with Chicago. All the things that you have to do there, eat at Greektown,

Go to the Cubs games. Go to Sluggers. Every Cub game you have to go to? I have to go to every Cub game. I have to go to the Cubby Bear Bar afterward. I have to go to Sluggers and hit a ball with a bat. No, every day? Every day. Scott, you've never been to Chicago, obviously. I've never been. I will never go. Every day they want me to eat mozzarella stick at 1 a.m. It's a burden. Number nine.

Oh, yes. Good stuff. Why didn't they use that Sheena Easton song? Which one? Sugar Walls? Was it a Sheena Easton song? No, it wasn't her. You got the look? Was it Juice Newton? Angel of the Morning? You're nobody called today. She hung up when I asked her name. Maybe because no one has ever heard it before, including me. It was a top 10 or 40 hit. Maybe not even 40. Yeah.

I wouldn't listen to a top 50. Not even when you're 50? I treat myself. You just turn your nose up at any song that didn't make the top 40. Oh, 41? No, thank you. Not popular enough.

Lily's so funny. She is so funny. It's always fun to have Bob on the show, too, because he, for as little patience as he has for stuff, he also, you know, asks really interesting questions and is able to yes and the bits, you know, in a really good way. Yeah, it's fun. You know, a lot of just regular celebrity guests, sometimes when they come on, they're just like, oh, my, this is so weird or whatever. But Bob is always great. It's weird how many of them say, oh, my. Oh, my heavens. I'm about to faint. Yeah.

So many people faint during this show. It's just like, come on. It's not that weird of a thing. That's why, if you've never seen smelling salts before, come on down to Earwolf Studios and you'll see like a wall of them. I mean, we talked on a previous episode about how you just see salt everywhere. Didn't we talk about that on the show? Okay. Just piles of salt everywhere. But, oh, you listen to the show every week. In West Side Story? No. No.

Well, that was really funny. Thanks to Bob. Hope he's doing okay. Hope he can be on the show this year because he's got that book coming out where he says that he mentions me three or four times. So that would be nice to – maybe I'll read that book instead of Casey's. Bob was a – speaking of that book, he was a very good sport when I was on the George Lucas talk show over the quarantine. Yeah.

And which is a really funny show. A live show for many years in New York. Griffin Newman plays Watto on it. And it's a great time. I'd never been on the show before. They were doing live stream versions of it. And so I got to be on and

Somehow we got to be talking about who was maybe in my phone, like famous people that I could call. I remember this. Oh, I remember what it was. It was people that listed me in the special thanks of something. Oh, yes. And did I ever say you're welcome to them? And so it was Patton, Wyatt Snack –

I forget the other person. Oh, David Cross and Bob Odenkirk. Okay. And so I called everybody whose number I had. I did not have David's number for some reason. Right. And Bob like answered. I didn't expect anybody. He answered. He picked up. Yeah, he picked up. He picked up and he was such a good sport. This was like right after his, he was recovering from his heart attack. This was his first appearance. Oh, he probably wanted to hear from you. Maybe. Like he thought you were calling to wish him well and said you're doing a comedy. Yeah.

But he was in the middle of recording the audiobook. Oh, wow. When I called. Okay. So not even taking a break as he's recovering. He's doing the audiobook. Okay. Well, we wish him well and hopefully we'll hear from him. And thanks to Griffin as well. Hopefully we'll hear from Griffin. I did the George Lucas talk show as well and I –

They were, they were, they sort of warned me. They're like, oh, well this can go on kind of long. So if you, if you ever need to leave during it, I was like, I'm not going to leave during it. Assuming, assuming that a show, here's what I'll give. If a show is just people fucking around and having a good time, because this show can tend to tape long sometimes, I'll give someone a good two and a half hours. Sure. You know, like that's about, that's where I top out a little bit of like,

And so when I heard, they're like, no, no, no, you don't understand. It'll go at least three and a half to four hours. I was like, oh, no, I will be saying that I need to leave. I think I did two and a half. I wanted to do the whole thing. I wanted to do the whole thing. But honestly, I had to eat dinner. I got hungry. It occurs at a time when dinner happens here on the West Coast. We call it dinner time here.

But yeah, that show is really funny. Those guys are really funny. I think they have some up on YouTube still. If you want to go check them out. Check those out. Yeah, it's really funny. It's so funny. And Connor, we should talk about Connor as well. Connor Ratliff, yeah. He's really funny. He plays George Lucas. They both were on an episode. It's not appearing in the countdown, I'm sorry to say. But they both were on it. Right after I did the George Lucas talk show-

I said, hey guys, you know, since we're doing these shows on Zoom, you could, you know, because they are in New York and they don't have a chance to be on the show all that much, but I think they're really funny. Connor had done one when I was visiting New York a few years back.

And I was like, guys, since we're doing this on Zoom, why don't you both come on? But the only thing is, is like after two and a half hours, I think I don't have anything more to say to George Lucas and Watto. So can you play something else? And so they played James Cameron and one of the avatars. It's like they just want that's their zone. That's their lane. Yeah.

Anyway, really funny stuff. And his, Connor's podcast, Dead Eyes, is also really funny. So people should listen to that. Okay. And Lily, of course, you know, we'll talk about her a little more later. Let's take a break. Can I just take a moment to say big shout out to Lily Sullivan. No, you cannot. No, I'm sorry. We don't have time right now.

We have to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have the final clip of this episode. We're going to be hearing what you chose as number eight. That is so exciting. And then also at the end of the show, we have the most exciting moments in podcasting. That's right. We'll be playing the snowman game at the end of the episode. You do not want to miss this. I fucking can't wait. Boy, packed show already, but we're going to have to come back to hear the rest of it. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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Comedy bang bang. I found the song. First, there's an ad for Google Fi. Oh, this is a song too.

This is so beautiful. Yeah, I love these lyrics. Hello, built-in VPN. I think this is almost as good as the Jill Scott nationwide insurance commercial song. Almost as good as, seriously, this is about as good as Piano Man. We're not fucking around anymore. This is as good as Billy Joel's Piano Man.

Like this is about the level of quality of Piano Man, isn't it? You know, I think Piano Man is a good song, actually. I do. I love Billy Joel, obviously. Billy Joel is somebody that I think a lot of people that our age maybe like to turn their nose up at and slam. Because of his late 80s career, yes. But will you agree that Lifetime VPN is just as clunky of a lyric as Megan Love

to his tonic and gin. Lifetime VPN. That was one of the lyrics on that song you just played. They're about equitable, are they not? Well, at least Lifetime VPN. If it was VPN for Lifetime, I would say it's as clunky as tonic and gin. So Piano Man is more clunky. Yeah, sorry to say it. Sorry, Bill. Sorry, William. Sorry, Bull. I'm not even going to give you the lead. Exactly. Sorry, Bull. Who's playing Bull on the new Night Court? Oh.

I like the bass sound. Does it sound familiar in a general 80s way? Not really. I mean, it sounds like a TV theme song. It does sound like a TV theme song. Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go. Where's your name? I gotta look up how I started. What's it called again? I think it's called You're Nobody. You're Nobody Called by Crystal Gale. You're Nobody Called by Crystal Gale. Wait, then people put, there's like pictures in here in this YouTube video? Oh, people made their own...

YouTube video and they... But it's like, here's my husband that cheated on me. I don't know what these fucking pictures are. Weird. You're nobody. Oh, it's one woman and she keeps posting pictures of this one. Of her own? Of her own. Of this guy. That guy is on blast. Comments. Okay. I'm finding it here. You're nobody today.

I can't. Crystal Gale has a shit ton of singles. It's not even one of her like main singles. Fuck. As a lead artist. She. No, she never released it as what? What about Sylvia? It was the original person who did it. Oh, OK. That that makes more sense. OK. Sylvia, you say? Yeah.

Sylvia. Just a one-name performer. Just Sylvia, you say? That's so funny. Sylvia. Yeah. Hey, you know what my stage name's going to be? Sylvia. My stage name? Phyllis. She called it just nobody. Okay. Sorry. Okay. It was released in June 1982. It was the second single from the album, Just Sylvia. Like she's tired of talking about it already. I don't know how else to explain this to you. It's Just Sylvia. Okay. On the Billboard Hot 100, it peaked. Yeah.

At number 15, the same amount of episodes we are counting down on the Comedy Bang Bang Best Ofs. But let me tell you this.

It was recorded in 1982 by Sylvia, who was already a country music star, achieving a number one hit and two other top tens in 1981. Nobody was her second and final billboard number one country hit. Number one in the country. Then it crossed over to the Hot 100. Well, the year-end charts, of course, it reached number 56 in the Cashbox Top 100. What are we even talking about? Okay, let's get back to this. The Cashbox Top 100. Okay.

Where are we, by the way? Are we back in a segment? I don't even know. Yeah, we're back in a segment. We came back, right? We talked about Bob Odenkirk. Yeah, no, no, we're back. Yeah, we're back. Okay, good. All right. I didn't say we weren't back. We sometimes get lost in the middle of doing this. We don't even know how many breaks we've taken. Isn't it fun what episode we're on? We are still in episode two. Okay, so...

I'll tell you where we're at. This is what you've chosen as number eight. Number eight. Number eight. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul

What the fuck? Okay. All right. This is episode 725. Oh, shit. From September 27th, 2021. So this is right before 726. Yeah. After 724. But on 927. 927. Okay. So that's why it's confusing me. Yeah. And what's the title? Blitzen Dinofrio. Blitzen Dinofrio.

I'm not giving you anything. No, no, no. All right. This is Jason Manzoukas, Andy Daly, and Tim Baltz. Okay. Okay. This is another one of our Zoom episodes, even though we were back in studio. This was by request, this group of people, by request from a man named Jason Manzoukas. Sure. Who was, who...

He's been in his home, and he requested to do an episode with Andy and Tim. He said it would be really funny to do an episode with those two guys. Sure. And now he's told everyone he has some sort of terminal disease, right? And that's why he gets to make these requests? Yes. Okay. He's the only one who gets to do these. Fans out there, you're not able to make requests of what you want on the show. But, of course, he is a make-a-wish child who accidentally grew up. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

In a stunning twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan, this Make-A-Wish kid is now in his 40s. By the way, he just had a birthday. Happy birthday to him. Happy birthday, M. Night Shyamalan. I mean, Jason. I don't know when M. Night's going to listen to this. It's true. Happy birthday, buddy.

This is a funny episode. First, we talked to Jason for a while. This, by the way, also was the episode where we were debuting the information regarding CBB World. That was a fun information debut. Information drop. It was almost an NFT. And Andy Daly, who's been on the Countdown before, he has a weekly show over on...

Bang Bang World where he does whatever he wants. Usually it's Bananas for Bonanza where he's playing one of his characters, Dalton Wilcox. Sounds like a Make-A-Wish situation. Yep. He does whatever he wants.

And so we were, we wanted to do an episode to hype that, but then also we wanted Tim Baltz on it. So Tim is playing his character, Darren Matejczyk, who is the owner and proprietor of the National Bobblehead Museum and Hall of Fame, which we'll talk about on this. So let's hear it. This is what you chose to be number eight. Number eight. Dalton Wilcox is here. Hello. Yeah. Yeah.

Hot damn! How's it going? You say yee-haw. I forgot about that. Yeah, I do. Oh, he does. Is it yee-haw, hot damn, or is it just the yee-haw and then you added a hot damn? I'll tell you what. I'm glad you asked me. It's yee-haw, and then the hot damn is purely optional. You can do it sometimes, and other times you don't have to do it. But the yee-haw, that...

That should be considered compulsory. Okay, fantastic. You understand? Welcome, Dalton. It's great to see you again, Dalton. Yeah. It's great to be here. You've been on this show before I'm reading, and it's great to have you on. I'll take your word for it. Hey, you insulted me a moment ago. I heard you talking about maybe he doesn't only writes poems. Jason, why would you do that?

Oh, no, you're talking to me? Yeah, I'm talking to you. You say, I don't know if he writes anything other than poems. You're about to hear the title of both of my books. Here it comes. You must buy your wife at least as much jewelry as you buy your horse and other poems and...

and observations, humorous and otherwise, from a life on the range. So there's observations as well as poems. But there's also a third thing that you write, which is titles. Yeah, titles. That's true. I wrote that title all by myself. Some people say to me, you must have had help. It's so long. You must have had a ghostwriter. And you don't want a ghostwriter, right? I'd never have a ghostwriter. Yeah.

Terrified of a ghost, right? Well, I mean, if there was a ghost around, Dalton, I seem to remember you having a real problem with the things of supernatural nature, Frankensteins, werewolves, vampires. I'm assuming ghosts falls into this category. My friend, it'd be more accurate to say that they have a problem with me because when I show up, they've got a problem.

It mean that I'm going to kill them. Oh, thank you for explaining that. So their problem is that you're going to kill them. Before you said that, I was like, what kind of problem would they have? What I mean is they've got a problem with me and their problem. They've got a problem with me. And it's that I've got a problem with them.

This is like a snake eating another snake that's eating its own tail at this point. I've seen that many times. Is that what you say to them right before you kill them? I say to them, man, you've got a problem with me, in particular in that I have a problem with you, and that's your problem. How often do they reply with, huh? All the time. 100% of the time. 110%. 110%.

Wait, I got to tell you the title of my second book. My follow-up book to the book I just told you about was titled The Fast and the Furious Presents You Still Have to Buy Your Wife at Least as Much Jewelry as You Buy Your Horse and even more poems and additional observations, humorous and otherwise from a life still being lived on the range by Dalton Wilcox, who also wrote the last book by Dalton Wilcox. How did you get the Fast and the Furious franchise to present that? We've been talking on this show about like they had a perfect,

They started with Hobbs and Shaw presenting movies. They had a perfect opportunity to present Fast 9. And then they didn't do it. The Fast and the Furious did not present F9? No, the Furious saga, no. No, they didn't need to because it's a mainline movie. It is the Fast and Furious. The only reason it's in front of Hobbs and Shaw is because Hobbs and Shaw isn't called Fast and Furious. No. I've seen the billboards, though. Wasn't it John Wick presents F9? No.

John Wick had nothing to do with it. The TikTok man. TikTok Mr. Wilcox. I think other movies should get into naming rights, much like stadiums and stuff like that, you know, because like it's a perfect opportunity to hype your upcoming film. John Wick 4. Why aren't we going to see games at the Yoshinoya Beef Bowl Stadium? Exactly.

That's a good question. Nothing but Yoshinoya served. I mean, bowls of hot beef being walked up and down the aisles. They should serve a hot beef injection. That should be their next product, don't you think? Oh, yeah. How does it get delivered? Big syringe up the butt. Jesus Christ.

If you inject something into your butt, does it come out the other way? Hey, Scott, this is not that kind of show. Okay? All right. I'm sorry. I apologize. It's not that kind of show. Be cool. But back to my original question, how did Fast and Furious get involved with you? Well, I called them up. I just looked them up in the Yellow Pages. Really? Under Fast and Furious? Or under Diesel, comma, Vin? I tried looking them up under Fast and Furious. I couldn't find them there. I found them under Fast Lube, which was a...

I don't know. It turned out to be a car, some kind of a car outfit. Some kind of a Jiffy Lube competitor, I would think. I think that must have been it. I said to him, hey, do you mind if Fast and Furious presents my book? And the fellow said, no, it's fine with him. So that's how it came to be. Now, I have since received numerous letters from lawyers and bullshit like that. And I've

I'm saying, and I just write him back. I say, I fucking cleared this with Omar at Fast Lube. You got an issue, you take it up with him. Is that what happened to Omar after The Wire? He went to go work for Fast Lube? R.I.P. Michael Cade. That's very sad. That's a very sad story. It's a very sad one. Yeah, of course. We've been losing legends. Him and Norm MacDonald. Very sad. You didn't have anything to do with that, did you, Dalton? Oh, look.

I usually wait a few months before I discuss anything like that. Too soon at this point? It's too soon for me to admit that Michael K. Williams was a Frankenstein. Oh, no. Oh, wait a minute. Is that what the K was for? That K in the middle of Frankenstein? Yep. The K stood for Kenstein. Because that's what Frankenstein. Frankenstein. Frankenstein.

He has been on the show many times. He is the owner and proprietor of a place called the National Bobblehead Museum, I believe is what it's called. Maybe it's not. He'll correct me if I'm wrong. Please welcome back to the show, Darren Matyczyk. Bobblehead Bowie, Bobblehead Bowie. Yes, thank you. I got you. I got you good again. Nice.

You got me again. That's right. I did. It's actually the National Bobblehead Museum and Hall of Fame, Scott. That's right. So it's a Hall of Fame not for bobbleheads, but for players of sports. Is that right? No, it's a Hall of Fame for bobbleheads and also a museum for bobbleheads. When we were coming up with the name, we had a huge fight, and finally everyone was like, fuck it, call it both. Yeah.

So, but there is a portion of this place that serves as a hall of fame. Yeah, that's right. So there are some bobbleheads that are just regular bobbleheads in the museum, but some of the bobbleheads are hall of fame bobbleheads. Is that right? Are they bobbleheads of hall of fame players?

It can be anything. Whatever we consider Hall of Fame bobbleheads, you know? The best bobbleheads that are there. The best bobbleheads. So recently, there's only one that overlaps between the two at any time. And we rotate it out based on the vote of all the board members.

I would have thought you would have it right in the middle with like a big line going down the middle, like the apartment and the odd couple. That's great. I'm going to take that idea and redesign our entire bobblehead museum and hall of fame. No, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. Hey, don't curse at me.

Wow, this guy gets it. Hey, what the hell is a goddamn bobblehead? Oh, boy. Oh, this is great. Oh, this is my hot zone. I get to give my money shots in the hot zone. So a bobblehead is a commemoration of any kind of figure in history, sports, whatever. What about the future?

Uh, yeah, it could be the future. I mean, this could be fictional. And then you shrink it down, but the head is a little bigger than the body and the head bobbles. Proportionally. Yeah, proportionally. The head is about the same size as the body. You telling me you're shrinking people down? No, not real people. I don't mean to alarm you. These are usually made out of plastics. The originals were made out of ceramics. The fictional ones you're actually shrinking down.

Oh, yeah, yeah. The fictional ones are shrinking down. We have that technology. Sure. So does this answer your question? Or I guess my question would be like, why does anyone like these? What the heck? Scott, have you ever walked around your own house? It's full of bullshit that no one else likes. You've been in my house.

I've seen pictures when you go live on Instagram with your pals. Oh, yeah. I'm curious, Darren, how many bobbleheads are in the museum and Hall of Fame? Like, what is the, like, your collection, I'm assuming, continues to grow. Are you like the... Unless you're, are you culling the herd at certain points? Does that make sense? We haven't gotten to that. That's more of a thing for Dalton.

Yeah, sometimes you do have to call the herd if you're doing a cattle drive and you got some cows that are just not up to the journey. I don't know if that's the case with bobbleheads. Do you ever have to drive your bobbleheads from, say, Wyoming to Nevada? Nope. Sometimes we have to move them from one room to another.

Okay. And that's if they're in the Hall of Fame or not. Yeah, if we want to move them over to the museum, then we have to put them in a box and walk them over. Well, I reckon there'd be some culling there. Well, so far we haven't, but we have over 10,000 bobbleheads. And if you want to become a member, we sell memberships now. So you have to be a member to walk in? I thought that anyone could just walk in off the street. Anyone can walk in, but we have membership tiers that allow you benefits.

Oh, this is a lot like... What are those bennies? Tell me about those bennies. I drink membership tears. Wow. Okay. I don't know what that means, but what are the... Those salty membership tears? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are the levels? This is a lot like the CBB World Patreon, by the way, with the levels of membership. Anyway, I'd love to hear about these. So there's a rookie membership tier.

which is $20. There's a major leaguer membership, which is $50. Hall of Famer membership, $100 and lifetime membership, $1,000. Whoa, wait. So the others aren't for lifetime? No. What are they for? And so are those for per year? And then lifetime is for life? Yeah. Lifetime is definitely for life. But do you have to pay that every year?

No, that's $1,000 and that's for life. Okay. So basically, if you do the math, the lifetime membership is really good because if you get the rookie membership, but you plan on living, you know, more than... 40 more years? Yeah, 40 more years, then lifetime membership makes sense. But if you think you're going to die soon, rookie membership makes sense. How many people think they're going to die soon and are spending their last moments on Earth going to your place? You'd be surprised.

It's like a cruise ship. There's a hospice wing. People just come to die while looking at bobbleheads. Wow. Does your museum operate as a bucket list place for a lot of people? Is it one of the places that are on... Some people are like, I want to go to every major league stadium and see a game get played or whatever. Is the bobblehead museum a bucket list place for people? I never thought that it would be, but so many people...

On your way out. You gotta have confidence in your own product. Well, you know, I love bobbleheads, but they're not for everybody. But so many times I've heard people... What's weird about, there's a quote of you saying that out in the front of your business. Yeah, we hung it in a banner. It's in the same font as the Halloween stores that pop up every year.

And these, by the way, are stores near your place that just celebrate the movies of Halloween. Yeah, that's right. Including the, the David Gordon green ones that have come out. Yeah. And there's another one. They're going into production, uh, in the month for that. Yeah. How do you know this? Uh,

I don't know. You know, I'm a big horror fan. Anyway. I love horror. I love horror. Can I just say, judging by the reaction, it sounds like all the rest of you already knew that cruise ships have hospice care.

I didn't know that before now. I didn't know that either. Oh, okay. Nobody said anything about it. I just rolled with it. Okay. All right. I'm not surprised because cruise ships have become floating death traps in the last few years, so I'm not surprised that they provide hospice care. It's a good idea. I just hadn't heard it. So many people are actively dying on cruise ships in the last few years. Sometimes non-floating death traps as well. Correct. Yes. Hey, I got a question.

A lot of times when you go to a museum, they tell you you may not touch any of the stuff here. Can you touch the bobbleheads and make their heads bobble? Yep. We've got signs everywhere that said you can lightly tap the bobblehead. Oh, okay. Because otherwise you'd have to wait for an earthquake, which I don't know if they occur there. Or I guess you could mount it on some sort of thing that provides a little bit of a jostle or something. Yeah.

Oh, that's nice. Wobbly shelves. Well, if you go visit the Barbed Wire Museum, they tell you, they've got a sign up. It's funny as hell. It says, feel free to touch the barbed wire, but you might get cut. Did you write that? Are you writing signs now? I didn't write that. Oh, okay. No. Wow. So it works out to be about three visits.

Yeah, pretty much. For the $25 tier, yeah. Yeah, so it's a great deal for the tier. How many people ever come back after they go through once? Tons of people. Oh, okay.

And do you sell a lot of merch? Do you sell a lot of, what do you got, T-shirts, baseball hats? Bobbleheads? I would tell bobbleheads. Do you have bobbleheads of the museum? Yeah. So, Scott, last time I was on, we were talking about custom bobbleheads and how you can send in pictures of yourself or a friend and then make a custom bobblehead. And there's all kinds of different figures. You know, you could have a businessman bobblehead that you base it off of. How many people are just sending you, like, weird nude pictures? Yeah.

A ton of people. Well, but those are for those, to be fair, those are for boobleheads. And do you sometimes make the bobblehead thinking that it's a real request? And then you're like, oh no, someone's just pranking me sending these nudes. Yep, I got pranked. Everyone's pranking me sending their hot nudes. And then I'm like, oh, I got pranked. Time to 10-4. I got a 10-4 all over this prank bobblehead. I got a 10-4 all over it, good buddy. Do you have a Tony the Tiger bobblehead? Because he's due. Yeah, it's great.

Ooh, yeah. Lots of those cereal mascots, I think, like Snap, Crackle, and Pop Bobblehead. Toucan Sam. Yeah. Captain Crunch Bobblehead. Do not do Count Chocula or Frankenberry or Booberry. Don't do them because they romanticize monsters for children. Wow. Now that's interesting. Irresponsible. How do you feel about somebody like the Hamburglar from McDonald's?

We would absolutely accept that. He's a criminal, though. Do you have criminals? Do you have a Bill Cosby bobblehead? And do you have a Pete Rose bobblehead and other criminals? We have so many Pete Rose bobbleheads. We have a Pete Rose bobblehead from 1996 where he's at the ballot box voting for Bob Dole. That's one of the latest ones we got in.

We got a Bill Cosby one where he's yelling at Hannibal Buress and saying, I don't appreciate that. Did that happen in real life? Or is that fan fiction? You also have a Hannibal Buress bobblehead then. Yeah, that's right. We have a lot of, yeah.

I was just going to ask, since I'm trying to find my ex-wife who turned out to be a vampire, would you be able to make a bobblehead, like essentially a missing person's bobblehead, just to make the search for this person more fun? Now, before you answer this, Darren, hold on. You don't want this bobblehead to be life-sized with like working parts, do you?

Dalton. Well, I'm just saying it could, yeah, if it's life-size and light enough that you could sort of... Put it on the back of a horse? Put it in different positions and things like that and bring it out. All right, let me get this straight. So you want me to commission a life-size bobblehead of your ex-wife who's a vampire that you can contort into different positions? That's right. And has perhaps some openings for a certain Yoshinoya product. Yeah.

A beef bowl? Think about the HBI. Yeah, it's going to have to have at least three openings. Stalton's used to digging holes in the ground, so anything's better than that. Well, no, that's a beautiful thing. That's very beautiful. Sure, sure. I'm not trying to take away from your relationship with Mother Earth. Yeah, this would be like a side thing.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. A guma. Yeah, and by the way, if you're going to have sex with something that's not the Earth, you'd better get the Earth's permission. And she's usually cool about it. But you...

You just got to make it. Would you do this, Darren? Would you make a life-size bobblehead? And if so, would it have to have a bigger head than normal? And would it have to bobble? Or could you make the head life-size as well? And you'd need a pretty big spring. Yeah. Yeah, you'd need a huge spring. So basically, I'd be, you know, I'd have to get a sex doll just to, you know, be a girl. What?

That's not what we're talking about. Just as a starting point. Just as a starting point, I'd have to get a sex doll, realistic pussy and anus. And then I get a huge bobblehead. Thank you for being clinical when you said anus. I maybe would have preferred you be clinical about the other one. Oh, vagina. My fault. Okay, right. So realistic vagina and anus, but huge bobblehead. Now, the bobblehead would also shake its head no for consensual reasons. Great.

Hell no, I don't want that. Yeah, is there a way to make the bobblehead where it only tilts up and down as if saying yes? I mean, yeah, but, you know, if you say that this guy, if you say Darren Matichak made this, I'm going to disavow it. I'm going to say, no, I didn't. You can renounce it. You can walk around three times in a circle around it. All right, well, if the price is right, I'll make this. Oh, okay. I have no money.

I thought you said you had cryptocurrency. I only have like the equivalent of $4 billion in cryptocurrency. Is that enough for this? I don't even know when it comes to crypto. It's going to be a pretty big bobblehead. I'm not sure.

So what are the new bobbleheads that are out there sweeping the nation right now? Obviously, this is our back to school month and kids are back in school. A lot's been going on in the news and these bobbleheads, they come out fast and furious. Speaking of the presenters of Dalton's book. Oh, well, do you do you have any of the fast and furious characters? Yeah, we got we only have Hobbs and Shaw characters right now. Oh, no. So so you got Hobbs's brother. Yeah, we got a brother.

Hobbes' brother. No, no, Shaw has a brother. No, no, Hobbes has a brother too over there on the island. Oh,

Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, he does. He does. He has a whole family that they go and see. But I thought you meant... No, Shaw definitely... Deckard has a brother. And a sister. Yeah, of course. Yeah, Deckard, Shaw, and the sister played by Vanessa Kirby. You got all these people, right? Everybody's got a family. Everybody's got a family. It's Fast and Furious. All their family members, even if they weren't in the movie, we built them out. The whole family tree is represented. Shaw's father-in-law, Hobbs' niece. Ha ha ha ha!

This is the movie I want to see. Fast and Furious presents Hobbs' father-in-law. It's just extended family. Fast and Furious presents Hobbs and Shaw family reunion. I'd see that. And then it's The Rock and Jason Statham playing each character like the Klumps. Oh, man. This is a recipe for success. I've got to see this right away. Number eight.

Oh, yes. That was a good clip that we listened to in its entirety. Great clip. Yeah, that was fun. It was fun. The Zoom episodes, they're hard to do with any more. I don't know if you found this because you did your share of Zoom episodes. They're hard to do with any more than three people. Yeah, that's true. They're really difficult to do with more than that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This one was four. And this is also a show where –

It is... You're having people on that kind of know what the deal is. Yeah. That for like a segment or two, they don't talk. They don't interact, you know? Right. And it still can be difficult. Yeah. When everybody gets in the mix. But then there's other shows that have a bunch of people on and it's just like chaos over there. Yeah. It's because everyone has their own different lag. I'm not even talking about...

what the guys here do to put the show together. I'm just talking about the timing of it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It can be very difficult, but that was a fun one and a good group of people. Timing is crucial to comedy. I don't know if people know that. The old Steve Martin joke. The most important thing in comedy is timing. Timing, timing, timing. He was kidding around. He was joking. But it is a true thing. And that's what we're talking about is jokes.

Please let me remain fungible. Please, true believers. Item. Me. Not item. Fungible. Not item. Do you ever do any not items? Not item. That's all I got.

All right. That's going to be the end of this particular episode, but we still have two more. Not the end of all things. No, no. If only I had that power. Oh my God. What? I never knew this about you. That's what you want? Yes. I went to end everything. Why? I'm Thanos. Thanos. He only wanted to end a half of everything. I know. I'm a double Thanos. Oh shit. I didn't know that was possible. I snapped my finger twice. You

In Z formation. You've won a no prize for your desire to exterminate the universe. No prize is just as similar as non-item. It's true. Non-item. I won a no prize. All right.

We're going to be back on Monday. Yeah. And we still have seven episodes to count down. So we better go home and rest up. Rest up. Eat lunch three or four times. Yeah. Always say, you know what to do. I did it again. I did it again. You clever son of a bitch.

But on Monday, we're going to be counting down seven, six, five, and four. So we're getting up there in the real juicy part of the countdown. We're getting up there by going down there. Yes. And that's a lot like life. The way you climb a mountain, you go down it. Eventually.

Makes sense. You haven't climbed the mountain until you go back down. Yes. They don't count it. Once you go down, people are like, yeah, he climbed. If you go up there and you make a little house, no one's going to count it. No one cares. No one gives a shit. You're living on a mountain. Yeah. You didn't climb one. You moved to a mountain. You moved to a mountain, you dumb shit. I hate you. Get the fuck out of here. Go get your sidebar, mountain man. Fuck off. Fuck off.

Okay, we'll be back on Monday. So will you. Until then, by the way, have a very, very nice Christmas if you celebrate. Until then, by the way, have a nice Christmas. Until then, by the way. Until then. Oh, wait, oh, wait. Oh, by the way. We got to play the most exciting moments in podcasting. People right now have been screaming. You didn't play the snowman game. You didn't play the snowman game. Well, guess what? We're playing it. Fuck off. Fuck off. All right, here we go.

Everyone knows the snowman game. Everyone knows how it's played. Go back and listen to some shit. Here we go. It's staring right at me this time. Last time it was staring at Devin, but now it's staring at me. So we'll see what happens. Paul is pressing the button. It is singing. It's spinning around for its first time. And now it's staring where? It's staring at Ryan. Oh, it's staring at Ryan. Ryan's in the booth now. It's staring at Ryan. And Ryan had a look of delight. It's staring back at Ryan. Wow. He's got a look of delight on his face. I've never seen him happy.

Looking at Scott? No, not really looking at me. Yeah. Over my right shoulder. Here we go. No one. He's looking at no one. He's got his back to everybody. Well, you're no one called today. All right. We'll see you next time. Bye.

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