Best of 2022 Part 3
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Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Woo-wee.

Why don't more songs end with, I don't know. It sounded so good. It's a perfect button on any song. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Or don't.

Whatever you choose. He's getting fired. Wait, they only play ball because he commands them to? No, well...

Because he leaves them with no other option. Well, that's, yeah. So they could not play ball unless he commanded them to. People pay, they bought tickets. And they can do nothing but play ball because he commanded them to. Exactly, exactly. People bought tickets. You can't like give the players- The option? The leave. Of course they'll, wouldn't you? Of course, I would, of course. Yes. I want to play fucking baseball. No one wants to play baseball. No one wants to watch it. No one wants to play it. No one wants to look at it.

Because at home, the people in the stands, somebody told them, go see baseball. They have no choice. The umpire went one by one to all their houses. Go see baseball. Thumpire. I've shortened it to Thumpire. Thumpire. Thumpire. Thumpire. Ah. Thumpier. Thumpier. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Best of 2022, part three. Oh, yeah.

Day after Christmas edition. Christmas was just yesterday. God, how was your Christmas? It was good. I mean... Bad question? We had a home invasion. Why would you schedule that for Christmas? I know. Someone came down the chimney? It was crazy. Anyway... Now, it's impossible to go down a chimney, right? There's no chimney that's wide enough for a person to go down. Yeah, especially someone...

of such girth. Don't fat shame Santa. You fat shamed this snowman last episode. He can't hear me. Santa can? Santa has ears. Yeah, but he only sees me when I'm sleeping. This snowman, he's deaf. Yeah, they never talk about the snowman's ears. Ears made out of beets. Come on. Beets. By Dre. Put some headphones on it so at least people won't know that he doesn't have ears. Thank you. Beets by Dre. Headphones.

My name is Scott Aukerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. And yeah, this is the day after Christmas. And this is part three of the best of 2022. I, as always, during the best ofs, am joined here by my good friend and collaborator. What was going to happen?

We are collaborators. We are collaborators. Yes. And... Yeah, we helped the Nazis take France. Never been caught. Never been caught. Maybe we shouldn't be saying it. Now, surely the statute of limitations has expired on those war crimes. Yeah, they had to. But Paul F. Tompkins is with me. Hi!

Everyone, I want to say hello to all my fans and all my foes. If you're a hater and a loser, I still say hi to you. Happy Boxing Day to even the haters and losers. Yeah. It's not only Boxing Day. It's Christmas Day Substitute.

Well, you see, Christmas is on a Sunday this year. Boo! So for the actual federal holiday, I believe they use today. On the federal holiday of Christmas. I was thinking about that recently, about how Christmas is the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. Well, is Easter?

No, it's not. Good Friday? Easter's always on a Sunday. Good Friday. Yeah, we're closing federal offices because of Good Friday. It's the only one. And so to me, it's like- New Year's Eve is religious. Full disclosure, New Year's Eve is not religious. Yeah, it is. And it is not a federal holiday. Yes, it is religious. New Year's Day is a holiday, and New Year's Eve is not religious. It is too. It is not. Every year on New Year's Rockin' Eve, Dick Clark would pray. Yeah.

He would pray to be immortal. And then look what happened. God struck him down. Just in time, too. God. Because one more year, he would have been immortal. Happy New Year. And once again, God, please grant me eternal life. We'll see you next year. Please watch America's Funniest Home Videos. This is at 1030 p.m. No, Dick, you got to stay on.

Another hour and a half at least. Nope. Rerun it. But – so full disclosure. I just talked about this in my stand-up set on December 18th at the Frytopia show. Frytopia. Which I think is maybe – it might be up for VOD by now on Vimeo. People should watch this. Check it out. But when you talk about the war on Christmas –

It's already over, dude, because Christmas is a federal holiday. Yeah. All these people get off. Christmas won. They don't worship Jesus Christ. Yeah. And they still get the holiday off. You should be able to take Christmas as a federal holiday if you can prove you worship Jesus Christ. Exactly.

Like, you got to have like at least a 60 second video of you worshiping Jesus Christ. Oh, Jesus, you are so great. Oh, mighty Jesus. I'm not just saying that to get the day off. So sorry, gang, it's over. You lost. You lost. You snooze. You know what happens. You lose. Fuck around. You lose as well.

It's going to be two hits. You lose. You losing me? Me losing you?

All right. On this episode, we're going to be counting down your choices for episodes eight through five. When Scott says your choices, he's not looking at me specifically because he's trying to communicate that it's you, the audience. And I'm talking to you right now, the audience. That's right. It's your choices. You voted on these. And if you didn't, I don't know why you're listening to this. Yeah. You obviously don't care. You don't give a shit.

If it's not a countdown to how great you are, then you don't fucking care. Oh, Jesus, you're so great. I would listen to that, though. I would listen, yeah. Countdown to why Jesus is so great. Number 10, no sins. Wow, that's pretty low on the countdown. You know, the closest he came was when he got angry at that fig tree that time. That's number one.

Getting angry at the fig tree. Yeah. Oh, man. Jesus is hungry. He's like, oh, I'll get some figs. What? No figs. No figs on here? Fuck you. You're dead forever. What a squandering of a miracle. Because he got hangry. Prissy little bitch. Hey, hey. Hey, if you're religious, we apologize. This isn't that kind of show. But Bill Maher will be the guest on this. Yes. Talking about cancel culture, of course. Ugh.

No, this is the best of Comedy Bang Bang, which is the podcast that you're listening to. And Comedy Bang Bang is, we've explained it on previous parts of this, but it is the show where I, Scott Aukerman, am the host. And then I sometimes have celebrities on, talking to them. And then we also have comedians playing characters or fake people, insane people. And it's an interview show where we talk to them. Not all of them are insane. That's true. Some of them are the most sane. Yeah.

That's scary. Is Batman insane or is he the most sane of them all? I think he's got mental problems, Batman. Yeah, me too. You know, I'm playing this game called- Bruce Wayne?

I'm playing Bruce Wayne in the Christmas Carol. Here's the ghost of Christmas Gotham. This is a mashup that I proposed. And I can't believe they went for it. And we got funding. I'm playing a video game called Gotham Knights. Yes, good game for money here. Which begins with Batman dying. Oh. And I started playing it.

And you thought you lost immediately? Yeah, I was like, what the fuck? What a short game. I didn't even get to punch anybody. I started it, I think it was like the evening of the day that Kevin Conroy died, who did the voice of Batman in animated shows and many of these video games. For some reason, when you said Kevin Conroy, I thought it was Kevin Dillon.

Don't ever think of him. I was like, he died. Bro. Bro. Baby, I don't know. By the way, just saw him in the blob. Great movie. I'll take your word for it. It's really good. Sure. Frank Darabont wrote it. Yeah. And the game begins with like a scene of a video screen and Batman, mask off, Bruce Wayne style, is saying-

If you're watching this, that means I'm dead. And I was like, what the fuck? And then it turns out it was not Kevin Conroy doing the voice in this game. But it was still like a weird bummer to start out on. You thought it was a weird transmission from the other side. No. Paul, if you're watching this, that means I'm dead. No, I didn't think that. I'm smart. Paul, are you listening to me?

If you're watching this, Paul F. Tompkins. I, Kevin Conroy, am dead. Now, enjoy the game. And I'll see you in three years. What? In hell. How come if you're a psychic, like a medium or whatever. Yeah.

Do you ever tell people, oh no, they're in hell? Oh no, they're being tormented. The person you're trying to contact, they're in hell. Yeah, every spirit is supposedly just wandering around her. They're like right over there. Like, he wants to tell you he's doing fine. He's glad he's at peace. Instead of like, he wants to tell you he's paying for his sins. He wants to tell you, ouch, ouch, please stop pointing me. Satan is torturing him every day. Please stop poking me with that pitchfork in the butt. Always in the butt. Always in the butt. Satan loves to stab people in the butt. Why does he have a pitchfork?

This is Baylin Hay. Hell Hay. Oh, no, not Hell Hay. I love Hell Hay. We love it. Century Boulevard. In hell. Do you know what I found? That, of course, the Dodgers will play that song when they win. Yep. And only when they win. And only when they win. We hate L.A. when they don't win. Oh, no. When they...

When they don't win, they play short people. And I just discovered this. My daughter, Natalie Walker, told me this, that when the Mets, no, the Yankees, when the Yankees win a game, they play New York, New York, the Frank Sinatra version. Of course. But when they lose, they play the Liza Minnelli version. Strange. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a little throwing a little bit of shade on. Interesting. Wait, maybe they play your version. Stop spreading. We're going to be hearing your choices for eight through five on the countdown. And before we get to those, though, we have a very special guest. She was she was on the show last year. What was she doing here?

Delivering something? Delivering something. Making a delivery to us. To us? Of what? Of baked goods. Baked goods, I believe. That's right. The baker is back.

Hi. The Baker is back. Welcome back. Thank you. Hello, Baker. Thank you for having me. The Baker is the only guest we've ever had on The Best Ofs. Is that true? No. Did we have Nick and Brad on? Oh, yes. I think we had them on once. That's right. They had to explain something. No, no. I just wanted to talk to them because they wrote so many great books.

but they didn't perform them. Right, right, right. They wrote like Donny Gary songs and stuff like that. And you felt like things are wearing a little thing with me, like people didn't feel the same. Yeah, I was a little bored of this whole thing. It says people who have been talking for hours at this point with each other. But yeah, the baker is here. We don't name her by name. She wants to remain anonymous. Well, you were saying what the show consists of, and it consists of celebrities and celebrities.

playing normal people who are crazy. And I'm a non-celebrity, non-comedian, normal person. I'm maybe the first one. I think so. Just a totally normal, boring person. I'm a boring, I'm the most boring of people. I don't think that's true, Baker. Baker. Thank you, Paul. Are you Jim Baker, by the way? Yes. We just want to get this out of the way.

I'm James. I'm actually James Baker. Oh, is James Baker the Twitter lawyer? I don't know. Oh, yeah, that's right. He was the Twitter lawyer. Twitter, stop paying rent, apparently. God. Doing well. That's a fucking mess. As of this recording. Now, Baker. Yes. What are you here for? What's your thing? Oh, my God. Baker is bringing out her signature bag. Yeah. It's an igloo bag. It is an igloo bag. I...

I hope they got that zipper sound. Yes, that was doing the bag, not her taking off her clothes. We're all getting nude. Because we want to have the purest experience of tasting this food. No other senses are involved. Then we have to turn off the lights as well. Yes, we do. And that's for us. Well, because I'm shy. Okay, last year, I asked you what you wanted.

Me to bake for you. And I said this? That can't be possible. Because I don't like these. Wow. You don't like them? Is that true? I'm not a huge fan of this style of cookie. Look how they look delicious. They look delicious. Hours of work. But describe what they are. They're dirt cookies. Okay. They're made from dirt. Dirt and SARS. These are the French macarons. Macarons? Yeah, there's one O.

And then there's two O's. It's a coconut cookie. That's right. Oh, okay. Maybe I don't like the macaroons. Maybe I like the macaroons. Oh! How do you not know what you don't like? Ha ha ha!

How do you not know what you don't like? How do you not not know what you do like? Do you like coconut? I have come to appreciate coconut a little more, but not in its shredded form. Oh, then that's what those cookies are. That's what those are. Okay, so I will like these then. Is that what you thought I was bringing? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you just like cracking open a coconut and just eating the insides out? I have. Haven't you? When I was trapped on that island, yes. Sure. Sure.

And then I came back, I got rescued and they had a whole coconut buffet. And I was like, the last thing I want to eat is a coconut. Remember the end of Castaway? No, what's that? Castaway the movie? Do you like coconut?

I do. I do like coconut. I didn't like it when I was a kid. Now I like it. Okay. When you were on the island, that was when you were a kid? I was seven years old. Did pretty well for myself. Yeah, you survived. I did survive. You had a lot of time to practice comedy.

Yes, on fish and shells. Speaking into a palm tree. Yes. A microbe. Speaking into a palm tree. All right, so these are macrons. Yes. And what flavor are these? What flavor profiles? So they're almond flavored. Almond flavored. Interesting. With vanilla buttercream. Sounds delicious. In the middle. Let me tell you something. I love the word buttercream.

It sounds like what it is. But, and it's got the word cream. Oh, come on, Prince. Get on top. All right. These look delicious. These look amazing. You're going to do it like Great British Baking, right? Like, who's the mean one and who's the nice one? I'll be. I already know. What?

Okay. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. Remember that guy? He was the president. Crazy. All right. We're going to eat these, but not before we listen to a clip. This is your choice for episode number eight. Number eight. Ah, yes. Now, Paul-

This is episode 739. I'm sorry, I ate all the cookies. Oh no, you ate a cookie? I ate all of them. These are shaped exactly like your windpipe. That's going to get stuck in there. I put all of them in my mouth. All of the cookies? No, I wanted at least one. I'm a cookie monster. You're a cookie monster.

All right, swallow. Gulp. Good job. This is episode 739 from January 10th. This is the late early mids. Late early mids in the 700s from January. 700 Club. Welcome to the 700 Club. That's true. That's a good point. January 10th of 2022. And this is an episode entitled Oi Noi BB Bridgers. Oi Noi BB Bridgers.

The participants, Lily Sullivan, Carl Tartt, and Ego Wodum. A little guy named Shimmy, I think. Or maybe Charles. I remember us showing up to the backyard for the tail end of this episode. The reason you were there is because we were taping an Entrepeneur episode right after this. Ego, who, by the way...

Ego is a current cast member of Saturday Night Live, and she did this show before she got SNL, and she continues to do it while she's on SNL. Yes, indeed. As a matter of fact, just today she tweeted the picture of the best ofs and said for the first time in her life she had FOMO.

Because she missed... For the first time. Wow. Because she missed being here. She, as a matter of fact, on this episode, she was in town just for this week. She came to the backyard. She taped this Comedy Bang Bang episode.

And then immediately after we taped an episode of entrepreneur tour. So she did, you know, essentially like three to four hours in a row and she loves doing it. I wonder what that's like. Hey, she loves doing it and she's happy to do it. And it's always a pleasure to have her. I saw her in New York. I was there in November doing Varietopia and she was a guest on one of my shows and

And it was so much fun to have her. It was so great. I was glad she was so game for it and everything. She's terrific. She's terrific. And this is the second episode where someone said, oh, no, in a row. And that's how this became the year of, oh, no. Because the previous episode, someone said, oh, no. And then this cemented it. But, I mean, did you...

Did you note? Oh, this is the second time I'm hearing oh no. And then so then we wanted everyone to say it afterwards. That part I remember. Yeah. So that and it's in the title Oi Noi because Lily's character is Australian. A lot of people voted for this one late. It rocketed up the chart. It was a little bit higher in the chart, but just in the last week, a lot of people voted for it. Dang. Which usually doesn't happen. Usually there's not a lot of like moving up and down. It's pretty...

consistent from the first week of voting on to the end of voting. This one rocketed up the chart to number eight. Speaking of voting, another Georgia runoff. We got to vote again. Again? When? It didn't stick. It didn't stick. This one didn't stick. We're going to have to do it all year long this time. Yeah. Every day? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. It's important. It's important. Look. It's important. We got to get out the vote.

This is a backyard episode. This is the second episode of the year. You'll know it's a backyard episode from the sound of a truck backing up during the entire thing. Which we made a big deal out of. Somehow a huge truck was backing up the entire episode and just going beep.

And then the other thing is, is we did the entrepreneur show right afterwards and sirens were happening the whole time and they incorporated it into the show where if they didn't buy your idea, you went to jail. Straight to jail. So this is a really funny, silly episode. It's just we didn't have a celebrity, so it's everyone just doing characters.

So we're going to hear some clips. First, we'll hear Lily Sullivan doing Bicky from the gym, who's been on several years in a row. She's catching up, catching us up on what happened during the pandemic. And then MC Sugarbutt, played by Carl Tartt, tells us about his new job. And then Ego Wodum playing Pasta Pasta comes in and mentions another guest who has to come in.

So let's hear it. This is your choice for episode number eight. Number eight. So I'm like, what the heck am I going to do? Even restaurants and gyms. And this guy comes up to me. Totally random. You're outside at this point. You're not in the snack room. I'm inside. He says...

An agent. Whoa. Slash manager. I don't think you can be both, but okay. I'm an agent slash manager. And you are one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my life. So he was saying man or woman or other. Just beautiful. Just beautiful.

Wow. And I said, oh my gosh, I had no idea. I had absolutely no idea. Wow. You had no idea that you were so attractive to this guy? Like I knew. I mean, you'd never met him. How would you know that you're attractive to this guy? Well, but I'm attractive on a universal level, Scott. Oh, oh, oh. It's not just to this guy. I see. You think that everyone finds you attractive, not just this guy. I don't think, Scott.

I am universally an absolutely good-looking person. Oh, okay. So I just didn't know it because I'm humble. Yeah, I didn't know either, I guess, because I'd looked at you. Excuse me? I mean, you're fine. Okay, so anyway, he says to me, I'm about to make your life totally different. I said, thank God. Can I go back to this? Because I...

I'm just surprised because you, I, like, basically when guests come in, and this is something I've never admitted on the show, but I sort of mentally put them into, like, a category. Sure. Ugo or not ugo. And you've always been in the ugo category to me. So it's like, I'm just surprised that you are... Or maybe you need glasses. Oh, okay. Yeah. Maybe you need goggles. Beer goggles? No. Because your vision is all cloudy and messed up. Oh, okay. I beg your pardon. I don't, again...

That, you know, the only reason I say this is not to insult you. It's just merely because I'm surprised because of the category I put you in. Actually, you're not insulting me at all. What actually opens up for me is sort of there's something wrong with you. Oh, okay. That could be. Because what this agent has done for my agent slash manager is that he basically said, let's make you famous. And I said, oh, okay, I guess. Okay, fine. Famous for what? As a beautiful person? As an ex.

actor slash model. So basically, yes, it's a beautiful person. And he says, let's change your name. Oh. For stage name. Because Bicky, you know, it's kind of unusual. Yeah, well, there's also that song about Becky with the good hair and all that kind of stuff. You don't want those. That's Bicky. I'm talking about me, Bicky. Oh, you're Bicky. Yeah, exactly. But even still, it's sort of an unusual name. Right. So I said, okay, fine. What should I go by? He goes, Lily Sullivan.

Oh, so he's asking you to change your name to this random kind of... What's the genealogy of this name? It's an Irish list name. Irish, yeah. That's what I thought. So I said, okay, let's change it. And...

Turns out there happens to be another Lily Sullivan, but she's a comedian in Los Angeles. She's not at all famous at all. No, yeah, no. In fact, I know who you're talking about because I've run into her a couple of times here in Los Angeles. She's all about town and all that. Well, I don't know that she's necessarily out in these streets as much as, you know, some, but like I think that she

I also categorize people in famous or not famous. She's been in the not famous column for a long time, as long as I've known her pretty much. Okay, well, so anyway, we're not really talking about her, though. We're talking about me, Lily Sullivan. Right. So I am like... So your name is Lily Sullivan now? My stage name is Lily Sullivan. Everybody calls me Bicky, like behind my beak and all that. Behind your back. Yeah.

Well, I may be, I'm still picky. But online and in the movies, because I've already, just newsflash, I've been in a lot of movies already. So in the last year and a half, you've been in movies? I have been in movies with Daniel Radcliffe. Really? I've been in movies with Toni Collette. Toni Collette? Yes.

A fellow Aussie? Oh, wait, no, you're not Australian. No, I'm from Ohio. Right, you just, you traveled there for a month. I lived abroad with a female. Right, for a month. For a month. 30 days, 31 or 28? Was it February? It was 28. It was February. Oh, okay. Actually, but, you know, to the date of right, you know. Oh, yeah. Basically, you know. Yeah, well, I mean, how many years ago? It obviously couldn't have been two or six or ten because those would have been leap years. It was...

That would have been 29 days. It was seven. Seven years ago? Yeah. Okay, wow. So anyway, I've also been in movies with the girl from Game of Thrones. I'm doing really good stuff. The girl from Game of Thrones. Wow. Yeah, it's awesome.

The one who got sexually assaulted or the other one who got sexually assaulted? The one that got double sexually assaulted. Oh, double. Oh, okay. So then basically what has happened to me though, Scott, is I realized I'm taking off. I am doing so successfully and I'm so young. Yeah. How, I mean, how young are you? I'm 27. You're 27. So you lived in Australia...

In 2015 when you were 20. Yes. And you were born in 1995. These are all your facts? I have, let me pull up my Wikipedia. Yeah.

I'm realizing this is a real person, that you're a real person now. Yeah, now you know. Okay. I am real. Okay, because I just looked this up on Wikipedia. Yeah, you played Coral in Mental. Yes. Okay. And looking at you online, yeah, I mean. I'm hot. You're very beautiful. I'm fucking hot. Weird that you look the way you look in person.

When your picture's online. Makeup can do incredible things. Oh, yeah. But I'm also, like I said, Scott, there's something wrong with your eyes. We've got to get them checked out. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, he is a hip-hop superstar, or at least he was until he went into a coma back in, I believe, 1983 or 1984, somewhere around there. And he woke up out of the coma a couple years ago. Please welcome back to the show, MC Sugarbutt. I said I ate your vegetables and drink your milk, wear your jeans and a shirt of silk. Hey!

Hey. What's happening, Scotty D? Hey. Play it on me. Jeans and a shirt of silk. This is so comfy and nice. The best of both worlds. It's real comfy. Because you got a shirt made of silk. And most people don't bother looking below the waist. You know what I mean? So you look fancy, but then you're so comfy below the waist. You know what it is? It's a nice mix of like a blue collar on the bottom, fancy little bitch up top. Yeah. Blue collar on the bottom and a bitch up top. When I want ice cream, I hit the ice cream shop. What?

This is a real glimpse into the creative process here. I mean, you gave her one of those prompts you were talking about. Yeah, it's like, that was fantastic. Oh, MC Sugarbud, it's great to see you. What's happening, Scotty D? Play it on me. Give me a high F-I-V-E. I will. Here you go. There you go, my man.

MC Sugarbutt, now you were in a coma. That's right. Back in the early 80s, is that right? Let me tell you about me, Scotty D. I went into a coma in 1983. And what put you into the coma? Did something fall on your head? What happened? A woman. A woman put you into that coma? Yeah, she fell on me at a televangelist event. What?

I don't know that we've ever talked about this before. This is very much... Oh, we have. Oh, okay. I have to say, it's very much like a man to blime his time on a woman.

Who else can I blame? Who else can I blame at all? Well, did someone push her? No, she just started bleeding the blood of Jesus. Oh, so she was like speaking in tongues and having a moment. And fell backwards on me. She fell backwards on you. Knocked me out. So you were in the coma for, God, I feel like the first time you were on the show was like five years or so ago. Yeah.

And so you missed basically all of hip hop. You were one of the forefathers of hip hop. You were out there in the early days. I was. Much like Cal Solomon. I started it. I started it. I didn't finish it. No, no. I mean, it's not over. To finish it. So you basically missed all of the updating of the styles of hip hop. Yes, that's correct. Wow. Wow.

Let me tell you about me, Scotty D. I got a new J-O-B. I don't have a husband, don't have a wife. I came here to sell you some Herbalife. Oh, you're an Herbalife salesperson now. That's right. Wait, I have a quick question. Please. Do you have a middle name, like starts with a D or something? It actually does, but I don't. What is your middle name? David, but I don't know why he calls me Scotty D. Because your middle name is David, Scotty D. But you didn't know that. I-F-I-V-E. All right, here we go. Wow. Wow.

You keep touching me doing C-O-V. So you sell Herbalife now. Congratulations. That's right. That's right. And I came to bring you in tonight. Wow. So what have you got? I noticed you brought some products. What do you have? This is a morning shake.

Okay. Oh, morning shake. So I wake up in the morning and I down it? Yeah, you're down this in the morning. You know, that's interesting because usually I have an evening shake. When I go to the burger store for dinner, I always...

Have my shake as my drink instead of a cola. That's unhealthy. It is unhealthy. But now you're saying I can have a morning shake with Herbalife. A morning shake, an afternoon shake, and an evening shake. Wait, so I don't get to eat anything other than shakes? That's all you do. That's all you do. And you lose a pound, maybe one or two.

I want to lose more than one or two pounds. Honestly, I couldn't lose another pound. If I lost more pounds, everyone would be like, what's going on? She looks too skinny. Too tall, too skinny. Her feet are so long. Too much like a model. So you sell this Herbalife and what? And then...

Forgive me for the question, the phrasing of the question. There's got to be more to this. Oh, yeah. There's a lot more. There's an afternoon shake. I know. We covered that. We covered that already. What's in the shakes? I do want to know ingredients. The ingredients? I'd love to hear. Okay. Vanilla. Okay. Chocolate. Strawberry. Cookies and cream. Make you scream. Okay.

Why, is this all these five is in one shot? Nope. All separate. All separate. All separate. So cookies and cream are both separate flavors.

Ooh, I'd love to taste the cream one. I'd love to taste the cookie one. It's a cookie and a cream. And if you sell it, they'll be yours, if you know what I mean. I don't. Why do we have to sell it? Yes. Oh, I thought I was going to drink it. Oh, you get to drink it, too. See, first I sell one to you, and then you sell one, too.

Okay, so this is a thing where you're trying to recruit people. This is like... No, don't make it sound like that. Okay, it's not a pyramid. Don't make it sound like this, Scott. Don't you dare. Just like a man. A man always trying to start a pyramid scheme. Am I right? Always. These men talking about pyramids.

Pyramids? Hey, you know what? The pharaohs, who were all men, they created some of the best pyramid schemes. Oh, how dare you. As if some of them weren't any weenie. I mean, but they were the brains of the operation. Oh, my God. I'm fucking sick over here. I'm sick, too. I'm mental. Sorry. Coral. So how have sales been going? I mean...

Did you see the car that I pulled up in today? No. You didn't hear all that beeping? Oh, wait, that was you? Yeah. I thought it was still going on when you came in here. Yeah. It was the longest cab Ava's seen in my life. That's a stretch. What is that? A stretch 18-wheeler. Whoa. Why do they have to stretch those? You got the 18-wheeler in the back, and in the front, it's a stretch limo dragging it. Whoa.

All right. Well, we need to get to our next guest. And he's been on the show before. This is very exciting. He was on the show, I believe, last year with Phoebe Bridgers. And he is a man of the cloth. Please welcome to the show back,

for his second appearance, Pastor Pasta. All right. Hello. Yes. And all God's people said what? Hello. Hello. Okay. Not a church going bunch. What are we supposed to say? I don't know. We said hello. Hello. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen. I do. I do. I do. I do to you and you and you. Okay. It is a pleasure to be here. Pastor Pasta. Pleasure to have you back. Bye.

Pasta, pasta. Sorry, pasta, pasta. It's the Little Caesars pronunciation. Pasta, pasta. Yeah, okay. Pasta, pasta. But I hate pizza. You hate pizza? What? No!

This is crazy. Yeah. The second episode of Comedy Bang Bang of 2022, we find out that Pasta Pasta hates pizza? I hate pizza. Oh, my God. Oh, it is for low-down, dirty people who don't like to eat with utensils. Whoa.

I've never thought about it that way because the crust of the pizza serves as both a serving dish and a napkin sometimes. Wow. Yeah. A napkin. And other various things, but we won't get into it on this here podcast. Why? What other? No, please. I want to get into it. What other things? I've used crust or...

Excuse me. Seen, crust, used. Oh, okay. It's not just a napkin, if you will. I would like to say less, if I can. No, that's exactly what you said before. I want you to be saying more. Yeah, okay. I'm trying to think about what you could use it for. Besides a napkin? Yeah. You could put it in a shake. Okay, you could put it in a...

Well, you can shake it. You can shake it. You can bake it. Okay. But let me tell you what you can't do. You can't fake it unless you made it. Okay. You fake it until you mind it. Yeah. So you hate pizza purely on aesthetic grounds of you think it's for lazy people. It pisses me off, frankly. Right. But it tastes good. Right. I mean.

I've tasted it one time. I mean, it tastes like pasta, your favorite food, essentially. No, it does not taste like pasta. Italian food has the same kind of flavor profiles across the board, doesn't it? No. Wow, such a typical guy. You know, it is clear to me you've never been to, as my friend Italiano Jones would say, Italy.

You're friends with Italiano Jones? Yeah, we go way back. We actually went to seminary school together, but then he dropped out to become a lawyer. Really? Yeah. Is he here with you today? He's not. I don't know. Well, shit, maybe. I can't say where he is. I haven't talked to him in a few weeks. Really? Yeah. Scott, let me in. Oh, my God, it's Italiano. Come on in. Hey, Italiano, come on out. We're down here. I rode here with MC Sugarbutton in the back of his 18-wheeler. Oh, you were with MC?

with mc jigger but not your friend pasta look it's pasta oh my pastor from seminary school seminary school it is a pleasure it's a weird thing he said that he talked to you two weeks ago why are you so surprised and referring to him as from seminary school okay all right hello hello hello farewell i'll be the same you do oh my god yeah okay so yeah no i

I don't really like it's clear this man never been to Italy and so I was just you ain't never been to Italy Scott you said you was gonna go I've never been to Italy I was supposed I had a whole trip booked let me guess March 2020 March 2020 oh my god you're a bullshitter show us the confirmation number and the check yeah I want to see the receipts I want receipts here's all my receipts I have them in this box that I keep next to me at all times carry them around this is my Italy receipts box

You see, they're all voided, all canceled. And condoms. Well, what is a married man doing carrying condoms? I was going to Brindley. You never know what's going to happen over there. This is gross. Have you ever been injured doing unprotected sex? Yes, I have, actually. Injured? Well, I will fight for you. Now, what kind of injuries, though, Italiano? Because... Have you ever... What kind of injuries?

What kind of injuries? Have you ever been having unprotected sex when an alligator walks in your room and sees that you're having unprotected sex, but it happens to be his wife, and so he decides to bite you right on the tip of your penis? So the alligator married to a human or the alligator's married to another gator girl? Have you ever been having sex with a gator girl?

Unprotectedly? I have. I have. But she went to Florida State. Oh. And I called her a gator girl. I also had a hoya chick. She went to Florida State? The Seminoles? Do you need to wear protection when you're having sex with an animal? University. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Scott, I'm fucking sick tomorrow. I'm sorry. There's no fear of like...

I'm so sorry. This is going to be a big problem for me. She went to University of Florida. My pardon. My pardon. My pardon. My pardon.

Okay. I never say bad, my bad, because everything with me is all good. And if you hear me, what do God's people say? Can I just address something? Please. Pastor Basta, this is your time. We want you to say whatever you want to say. Everybody is coughing, but they claiming they don't have COVID. I don't have COVID. I may. For Christ's sake.

Okay, Ethan. You might. I just got back from Italy today. Oh, no. I'm still waiting on the results of my VCR. Well, we're all going to get it then. The results of your VCR. The results of my VCR. I'm still waiting on the results of my VCR. Is it fast forward or rewind? Be kind. Be kind. Rewind. Oh, boy. Oh, by the way, by the way, MC Sugarbutt, this is Italiano Jones. Well, who is this and who is that? No.

Number eight. Episode eight. There it was. What can you say about it except it was fun and good? Now let's eat these goddamn cookies.

I just want to mention that was Lily trying to reconcile that there is a more famous Lily Sullivan out there. That's right. I always forget that part of it. Yeah. There's a famous Lily Sullivan actress who has more credits than Lily. And so it was, and she, and she also played this, that Lily Sullivan is Australian. Lily plays this Australian character. So she merged them into one person at this point. And we mentioned Cal Solomon, who we'll be hearing from very soon. Oh, yeah.

Intriguing. Why don't we taste these macarons? What do you say? Okay. Three, two, one. People love to hear people eating on mic. Almond-y. It's delicious. And vanilla-y. Amazing. Baker, have you ever made macarons before? No. And I have brought seven with me, and I made a lot more than that. Oh, they failed? Macaron fail? Failed. Hashtag macaron fail? Yeah.

Yes. These were the good ones. The other ones were a little too wrinkly. Well, thank you so much for... Wrinkly? Wrinkly. It's true, they're smooth. Like the California raisins? Yeah. Just throw some sunglasses on them and give them a saxophone. They have to be... Yeah, the dome has to be smooth. The dome. That's what LL Cool J said. This is like... It's like a high-end Nilla wafer. Yeah. And then the delicious frosting in between.

These are good. You wish you had some of these, but you're not lucky like Paul and me to mention it on mic and have it happen 365 days later. So true, bestie. All right. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we'll be cracking the top seven. Thank you, Baker. Great to have you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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years or older. Terms and conditions apply. Comedy bang bang, we're back. Comedy bang bang, we're back. The baker just left. The baker just left. By the way, the baker was the person who picked the contest winner. So Eli Schwab, you have her to thank, although she did it by random, so. And let me tell you something, on the way out, she double checked. Yes, to make sure you said who the contest was, right?

So, Eli, she's looking out for you. In a way that we are not inclined to do. No, we don't give a shit, Eli. Eli, I don't care if you live or die. You can go fuck yourself right now, and I would watch. I don't know why I feel compelled to say this, but I do feel like I want to let the audience know I don't care if any of them live or die. They know that. It's heavily implied.

No, but I mean, at Christmas you tell the truth. That is the thing that love actually always taught us. Yes. That has never been said before or since. But it has remained true to this day. I just saw that scene. He was lying when he said that. Fuck. That just blew my mind. You know at Christmas we tell the truth.

He's lying. I just saw that scene again recently. I haven't seen it in a long time. It was a clip in something else. And it's even grosser than I remembered. Oh, why? Because he's like, you know, tell him it's Christmas Carol or to the door. And then she does. Yeah, lie. Lies to her husband. Already we have a secret. Then he's like, by next year, I hope to be dating one of these. Then it's like a...

pictures of supermodels or whatever pasted onto this board. Hot. I wonder if he kept it.

You mean the actor? Yeah. Can I take this home? Do you mind? May I have one prop? Sure, anyone you want. We don't need to reshoot anything. Can I take this home? Just one prop. This poster board with the supermodels on it. I'd love it. It would just be, it would be cracking. A reminder of a wonderful experience filming this. Oh, I can't. Brilliant, brilliant. Thank you so much.

I can't wait to get home and masturbate. And have a wank. Okay. Thanks for telling us. Now I want you to keep no props. I mean, you can make one of those yourself. It's really, there's nothing to it. It's just rip pages out of a magazine. Put them on a poster board. Also, the internet exists. I don't know if you know that. When was that movie made? When did it come out? Oh, Love Actually? Yeah. I don't know. The internet had to exist.

existed. But I think if you're looking for nude pictures, it flags you and you got on a list. Also, it was kind of a hike. It was, yeah, it was really a lot of effort. You had to go through like 20 websites. You had to get on the Silk Road. Yep.

So it was at the end of your Love Actually musings? Well, it's just that it was grosser than I remember. Fuck that movie. And fuck you, by the way. Fuck you too.

It's not Christmas anymore. We can say that. No, it's not. At Christmas, you can say fuck you after the fact. What? After Christmas, you say fuck you. The day after Christmas, say fuck you. Say fuck you to everyone you know. You there, boy. Fuck you. The one as big as me. Yes, fuck you.

All right. We have to get to it. Let's... Have to. Let's get to our next episode. This is your choice for episode number seven. Number seven. Okay. Episode number seven, Paul. This is episode 758. Ooh. We are in the early late mids. We're in the early late... Yeah. We're in the early mid... Mid-lates. Mid-mids. We're in the early mid-mids. Early mid-mids to you. And to you as well. Yeah.

This is an episode from May 23rd of 2022, and this is an episode entitled Previous Partons. Oh boy, oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy, indeed. I know this one. You're in this one, Paul. This is Paul F. Tompkins, James Mannion, and Lisa Gilroy. We are hearing from again...

That's right. That's right. This is a studio episode. Studio. And I mentioned that we're going to hear about Cal Solomon because we hear about him in this episode here. And we find out something new about him. Oh, that's right.

That's right. And then we're going to hear a clip from Lisa Gilroy, who you heard doing Bethany Water Bottle. She does Peanut Parton, which I don't want to spoil exactly what Peanut Parton is about, but we'll talk about it after the clip. Let's hear it. This is your episode number seven. Clip number seven. Aren't you selling your house? Or we talked about the museum last time you were on. I was going to convert my house into the Sugar Hill Gang Museum. And also Nature Conservatory or something.

or something? Yes, there was also going to be an Asian circuit. Where everyone was as small as a bug? Uh-huh. And this was all canceled due to lack of interest. Oh, no. We tried to talk about it on the show. I know, I know. And it didn't drum up any interest. Actually, anti-interest. Oh, no. Where somebody said, you better not do that. Oh, you better not. One guy says you better. Oh, wait, you don't even own the house? Nope. You said you did. Ha, ha, ha.

I guess because it feels like my home. It is rent controlled, so that's good. Then you can't do it. Yeah, that was the gist of his argument, too. We could have saved so much time talking about this the last time you were on the show if you just said, by the way, I don't even own that house. So...

I mean, I hope that doesn't mean that everything I've said on the show, if you just pressed a little more, you'd find out that it wasn't worth talking about. Oh, no, no, no. I think we've pressed certain parts of this story a lot. Was there any more when you were talking to Big Bang Hank, a.k.a. or... Wonder Mike. Wonder Mike. I remember one of them said to me...

Hey, you got a lot of heart, but I don't think you're going to make it as a rapper. You should stick to your day job, which at the time was I worked for the CIA. What?

We have definitely not talked about this. Never? Never. Oh, I'm surprised it hasn't come up. The CIA out there, the Central Intelligence Agency. That's right. You were thinking I was going to say a different thing that CIA stood for, but no, it was the one you're thinking of. Out there in New Jersey, what were you doing for the CIA? I mean, it's been so long. Can you talk about it? I was based in New Jersey. Yeah, I got fired. Well, not fired, but as good as fired when they move you to New Jersey.

Because for a while I worked in Washington, D.C., and I was supposed to watch this couple that lived next door to me. And I didn't do a very good job, it turns out, because they turned out to be Russian spies. Oh, God.

Wait a minute. They were constantly. I mean, when we finally got into that house, it was full of wigs and glasses. Spirit gum. The house reeked of spirit gum. I don't know how they live there. Don't light a match in there. I think that you were dramatized on the television show, The Americans. What? I think you're that. Who's that dude? Well, no. It would have been called The Russians, right?

Oh, no, it was an ironic title. They were Russians pretending to be Americans. Is that why you never watched it? I forgot you could do that. Yeah, I think that you were like the big, beefy blonde guy who befriends them, their neighbor. I did used to have blonde hair. Oh, you did? What happened? Well, I got older. Oh, meaning it fell out. No, it's gray. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I see. You've worn a hat every single... You're wearing a hat that just says the word rap on it. Because I love rap. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And by the way, it looks like you took a W off of it. Was this like a green room gift from the show The Wrap? Can I be honest with you? Yeah. Yeah. And you saw that and said, boy, if I take the W off. Exactly. And so I got a seam ripper and I just went to town and got all those little threads out there. That's why The Wrap is a little off center. Yeah.

But this is a nice person and we'll find out what they're concerned about. Please welcome to the show, Peanut Parton. Hello, I'm Peanut Parton and I can't stop farting. Oh, gee. And you're rapping. Are you taunting him? No, it's not funny and I'm not taunting anybody. I'm not even taunting myself.

Oh, is this a real thing? Yes, I can't stop farting. I also can't stop getting migraines, doing little heart attacks, falling down, having bad balance, pissing myself, throwing up. I'm in bad shape, Scott. Oh, dear. Oh, okay. So you're, I'm guessing from your physical appearance and your- I'm from Tennessee, yes. Oh, yes. Wow, good eye. You're also an older person? I'm a little bit older, yes, but-

Age ain't nothing but a number, baby. Yeah, but what is the number? And it's pretty up there, right? Well, no, it's only 82 because, well...

Are you familiar with the Parton Scientific Trials of 1946? No, I mean, I haven't been reading the medical journals at all. That's where how come I'm born and why I'm here. And why everything is hurting, Scott. Okay, so you were six years old at the time, if I'm doing my math correctly. Well... If you're 82. No, because I wasn't the first one that was born. Okay.

This makes sense now. Yes. Right. So because are you familiar with Dolly Parton? Yes. She's in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame right there next to whoever we were talking about before. The Red Hot Chili Peppers? Well, she will be. Well, good for her. I hope they don't get them confused at the museum.

Well, the other ones, you know, not so lucky because, you know, before Dolly, you knew how she would because she was made from the scientists. What? Hold on. Back up. Back up a little bit because I haven't heard this story. Dolly Parton, American treasure. Yes. Writer of both Jolene and I will always love you on the same ass day.

She wrote both of those songs. It wasn't a nice day. It was a Thursday. Oh, okay. Really? A Thursday for all that to happen to her. Her husband leaves her.

Well, she's the perfect woman, Scott, isn't she? You've seen her before. Blonde, big bosom, little waist, big bum, right? Right, yeah, little in the middle. So she was made by the scientists. Really? So this is like a weird science situation. You think a woman like that could be born of a natural birth? No. I guess, I mean, she is gorgeous, right, Cal? I mean, she's a beautiful lady. Yeah, so you have heard of her. You haven't heard of a lot of things about Dolly Parton. I've heard of Dolly Parton, sure. Which song is your favorite?

The one about, have you got some gingerbread? Ain't you got no gingerbread? Ain't you got no candy? Ain't you got an extra bed for me and little Andy? Does that appeal to you because of the Sugar Hill Gang type stuff? You're interested in things about sugar. I never made that connection. That's two things.

Before there was Dolly, well, obviously they tried a few others, didn't they, Scott? Okay. So if I'm hearing you correctly, and I want to not only hear but listen...

You are saying that Dolly Parton was born out of scientific experiments in the 40s? Yes, the scientists, they were all men and they wanted to have the most beautiful woman they could show ingredients of all her characteristics. Where did they get, like a Frankenstein's monster, but where did they get all of these characteristics? How do you grow these in a lab? I don't know, Scott. Petri dish? Petri dish. Oh, so it's, oh, got it. Grow it under a light bulb.

Okay. So you are...

You're kind of like Dolly Parton's sister, is that what you're saying? No, we call ourselves the previous Partons. Oh, so you're Mach 1 or... No, I'm number 6 or 7. She wasn't the first one born, remember? No, I wasn't. First one was Gunk. That one didn't live very long.

Gunk was mostly blood. But we remember Gunk because she was the first. Oh, okay. So Gunk was the first. Yes. Then there were two through five. Yes, then there was Doreline Parton. Doreline. Who was really close, but she didn't have the dimples. Doreline.

Shot her in the head. Oh, God. She didn't have the dimples. Just because of the dimples? How did they know that they even wanted dimples? I mean, until you see Dolly with the dimples, you don't know you want them. Well, you're the perfect woman. That was part of the ingredients. Oh, dimples are part of perfection. Yes. So she didn't have dimples, and so the execution style just... Yes, when Darlene came out, they said, voice of an angel, big breasts, little waist, all that stuff. But when the dimples weren't there, they put a code.

end of a revolver to her forehead. The business end. And they executed her. In front of everyone. Well, I wasn't born yet from the Petri dish. Well, I guess I don't mean everyone who's ever lived. I just mean in front of everyone who's there in the room. Yes, and then, you know, then that's right. I wasn't there. Sure. Were you born yet? No, you were, you're, how old are

Oh, I'd rather not say. It would make it easier for some of my opposite numbers in Russia to track me down. It seems like they know where you are. They're sending you these videotapes. Well, those two, sure. You don't think they've told their friends? No, I think they're honorable in certain ways. Okay, yeah, that was sort of what the show was about.

So then two through five, two had the, what was two's name again? Doreline. Doreline. It was Gonk and then Doreline. Gonk and Doreline. It was a big jump between the first and the second. Right, yeah. First one really bad, mostly blood. First one was just blood. Yep. Second one, perfect, other than the dimples. So trash. Oh.

Okay. And then what was three and four and five like? Three was Heidi Klum. Oh. She's out there in the world now. She likes Halloween costumes too much. That was her fault. And then I think number four was Macaulay Culkin. Wow. He was too short, of course, and the bosoms weren't big enough. Sure. But he had those cheeks, though. And then by the way.

And then by then they weren't doing executions anymore either. Oh, by then. Because actually, funny enough, the CIA had started watching, keeping an eye on the dumpster. And saying, well, where'd this one come from? That's not right. Just looking at the dumpster. Yeah, because that's where Darlene went. And when they noticed Darlene show up in there, they said, this girl's nearly perfect except for no dimples, so trash. But then three and four didn't end up at the dumpster because we know who they are.

Heidi Klum and Macaulay Culkin. That's right. And because the CIA was sitting out by the dumpster making sure nobody was getting thrown in there so the scientists didn't do executions anymore. So they let them go off and be models and actors. If I work for the CIA, that would be the worst job. To have to watch a dumpster all day. Although not as bad as what you did. I mean. I mean, letting two Russian spies steal all of those secrets and wear all of those wigs.

How many wigs did they have? I lost count after like 200. So like an entire wing of their house just devoted to wigs? I don't really want to discuss that. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Cal. I'm sorry to bring this up. So two was, of course, Doreen. Then we have Heidi Klum. Then Macaulay Culkin. Who was number five?

Well, you're looking at her. Oh, you were fine. Peanut Parton. Peanut Parton. And this is where they went sideways, right? Right. Because they had made McCulley, and they said he don't have the hourglass figure. And as you noticed, you've looked at a peanut before, correct? Cal?

Have you looked at a peanut? I've seen tons of peanuts. Still in the shed. What does it remind you of? Still in the shell? It kind of reminds me of Mr. Peanut. No, it reminds you of a beautiful woman's body. Oh, right. I would not figure. And the titties on top, the waist, the buttocks. And all of the indentations, sort of like pockmarks. And so they thought, for they were trying to make their perfect dolly, and so they...

They bred me in the petri dish with mostly peanuts for the shape. No, so they cross-bred your DNA with peanuts? Yes! Oh. And that's why, how come now, I'm severely allergic to peanuts and my skin is so crunchy? We're all allergic to the things that we are. That's right.

That's why you must never eat human flesh. That's right. You become a Wendigo. I'm little too. I'm little too, so that's why they would be calling me Peanut Barton. And I was a, you know, all the scientists, they were a fan of me. I'd say, oh, there's Peanut. She's a little cute. So you still keep up with the scientists? Oh, yeah. Ryan. Ryan. So you're on a first name basis. Ryan Kine.

Megan. You're 80-something, supposedly. Actually, you're more like 70-something. Uh-huh. And they must have been at least 20, 25 years. I mean, I can't even imagine being a 20-year-old scientist and working on this. So, I mean, they're in their hundreds now. Yes, they are. Yeah.

But they all, did they take some sort of like anti-aging serum or something like that? You don't even want to know the stuff they were cooking up in that Petri dish. Impossible combinations. But they're still around their front row at all of Macaulay's movies and Heidi's shows. Front row. That's a bad row in the movie theater. Yeah.

She'd get there a little earlier. Well, it depends on the theater, right? Well, sure, but... Well, yeah, I wouldn't want to buy one of those theaters. Premiere theaters, that's big, right? What? Let me ask you, Macaulay Culkin and Heidi Klum, was that always their names? Or did they have names before that? Well, before that, they were Heidi Klum Parton and Macaulay Culkin Parton because they named us all. We're part of the Parton experience. Oh, okay. So, right. The previous Partons. The previous Partons. And was Dolly...

Next or? Dolly Wonder! Wow. So what is the difference? I mean, obviously your voice is terrible. But my singing voice is really good. Oh, let's hear it. Yeah, that's something they nailed on me. Let's hear it. Do you sound just like Dolly Parton? I do. Darlene, Darlene, Darlene, Darlene.

That's really good. Were you singing Dolene? Well, so that's my problem. I got the voice, but I couldn't get the lyrics. Oh. So they nailed the voice, but lyrically. Lyrically, I cannot understand a single lyric. I can't memorize them, don't know what the words mean. As soon as it's in melodic form, I don't understand the language. What about Tiny Dancer? Tiny Dancer doing a dance there. So you don't hear Tony Danza? No, I don't hear anything in that one.

So then, wow, so you were pretty early. And physically, I mean, it's weird that they were able to nail it other than the dimples for number two, and then they got it so far off with you. They were far off with Macaulay, too, let's be honest. Well, true. But he got the blonde hair. I got the blonde hair, but I only got four or five strands of it. I got the dimples, but they're too deep. They hurt. They're like someone took a knife to your cheeks. Yeah, they're like a knife.

It's like someone did a Joker on you or something like that. Exactly right. Why so serious? People are saying to me. And I don't get it. Anytime someone sees you, they say, why so serious? Like you're doing a fun Joker costume. That's right. They just think, oh, that's been important. She's a little clown. She's going to cheer us up. Wow.

So what have you been doing this whole time? I mean, when did they let you out of the I'm assuming this is a secret lab out there. Yes. In Tennessee. In Tennessee. Yes. And, you know, they let me out. Yeah, because, you know, the CIA was on dumpster watch. So they couldn't fold me up and put me in there. Right. And I was a fan among, you know, Dr. Ryan, Dr. Kyle. They all thought I was a good time, you know. And so they let me out. And I've been having a pretty normal life except for now.

I can't stop farting and pissing myself and all my organs are failing because they didn't do a good job. Wait, did this just start happening or has it been happening since you were created? Well, so... It's just recently? The thing they forgot to give me... I guess that's what I was asking. Yeah, or since you were created. It's getting worse lately. Because you see, they forgot to give me on a bum hole. Wait, they forgot to give you an entire... They forgot to give me on a bum hole. They forgot to give you one. Yes, and so... Would you like me to tear you a new one? Oh...

I would like that very much. You didn't know how to answer, boy. Because I have been eating regular cereal, stuff like that. Sure. But it's not going anywhere. It's all just collecting. It's filling me up and I'm full.

And that's hurting. And so now, you know, I'm reaching a stage in my life. That's why I wanted to come on the show, Scott. Ask anybody out there if they got my same blood type, which is peanut butter and blood. See if I can get a butthole.

Like a transplant? Sure. I need stomach. I don't know if anyone's going to want to give theirs away. I need eyeballs. I need tongue. I need everything. Are you sure you're not just getting older? I mean, when people are, you know, however, you know, I mean, however old you are, it seems more like 76. But, you know, I mean, like our organs start failing. Oh, OK. I'm sure it's normal.

like that, Scott. Were you raised in a warm petri dish? No, you're right. You're right. I don't know. She's got you there, Scott. You're privileged, A. Showay. I'm sorry. Well, so if anyone out there, I don't think anyone's going to have your particular blood type, though. Well, why? How come? Cal, you eat peanut butter, don't you? I mean, sometimes with raisins. Do you put raisins? Yeah. So? But I don't...

Although peanut butter- Pine raisins might be good. It's not bad. I mean, with bananas, it's good. Sure. I don't know if I eat enough peanut butter to meet your needs, but does it need to be a transplant? Can't they just drill one in there? Yeah. Only, the butthole's the only thing you can drill into someone that they don't already have. How are you going to drill into someone a what? A stomach? A larynx? These are all things I need, brothers. Couldn't they do some sort of like Wile E. Coyote Roadrunner thing where they draw one on you and it just, then it works? Huh?

Ha, ha, ha, Scott. Sorry. I'm sure she's heard that before. Pardon me, Tina Carton. I'm coming on the show to talk about a series. Pardon you. Pardon the interruption. You should have a show...

Okay, I'll take this one. No, no, not my well. All right. This one's going to be mine now. My first guess is an ignorant man who only watches Looney Tunes. Hey, everyone. I think that's you. She was taking a dig. Damn. Number seven. Yes. Boy, oh boy. This was when I first met Lisa.

Was this episode. Yeah, the baker's back, by the way. And I did not know. Hi, baker. The baker left her phone. You can't bake that. Why do you need it? Is it cake? Is it cake? Are we on Is It Cake right now? Oh, shit. Have you ever watched that show? I watched approximately one cake. I saw the previews just seemed like so much yelling. Yeah. I was like, I don't want to see these people yell about if it's cake or not. I know. Have we been yelling this whole time?

No, I... We're not yelling if it's cake or not, though. Exactly. And that's all... That's the difference. As Robert Frost said, and that has made all the difference. Thank you, Robert Frost. But I... So I did not know Lisa was going to be on the episode. I never know who's really going to be on there. That's right. Sometimes you tell me, sometimes you don't. Usually I just book the episodes and everyone involved just shows up. Yes. And I often think about that.

I was mentioning this to someone this year. I was like, I never think about if there are any comedian feuds, you know, which happened occasionally in standup when I was working in standup.

It still does. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Where you'd get to a show and it's like, oh, shit, this person's on the show. We're in the middle of a huge fight. We hate each other or whatever. It doesn't really happen on this show. I asked someone about it and they're like, no, I can't think of anyone who doesn't like each other. I remember doing an Earwolf show where I found out later two people were in a feud. Right. And I was very surprised because it was –

It must have been uncomfortable for them. For me? No. I've imagined like, oh no, what if two people have dated each other for like three years and just broke up or something, you know? Yeah. And then this gets them back together and it's a mistake. Yes. And then you're responsible. I was thinking it was romantic. It wasn't a mistake. I'd be credited. Well, they're bad for each other. They're bad for each other. Oh, okay. In any case, yeah, you didn't know who was going to be there. And so you walked in and said, oh, hi, because you had booked her on one of your shows.

No, not yet. I think you had booked her and said, hi, I met you and you're going to be on my show. I think you had just emailed her. I don't believe so. I think I booked her after that because I think it was not long after that because I did not have any contact information for her or anything. And but she is a signal that you shined up into the sky. Yeah. Lisa Gilroy signal. Yeah. In the shape of her head. Yeah. Yeah.

And I mean, it's good. I mean, it costs a lot of money. You would think it would, but it's like those professional silhouettes. Exactly. Remember when my parents had those up of all of us from Disneyland? I remember we did them when I was in first grade. We did them. Yeah. And it was, I remember hanging in the house for a while. I went to a wedding once where one of those sort of wedding things was at the reception. They had a silhouette artist. Right. And boy, oh boy.

I was very scared, but we did it. Why were you scared? Well, I was like, how accurate is this going to be? Oh, okay. Because if it is, bad news. Because I thought you were scared because it was like silhouettes are of the devil. Well, they're shadows. Right. And it's a shadow of me, and it's like, well, what if it comes to life? Right. That's a good point. But no, this person was very kind and did a good job where it was like, yes, that looks like me, but also better. But an ideal version of me.

Yes So in any case Who needs to know When she was booked On a show or not Oh but anyway So I walked in And I She was one of those people You and I are both Reaching for these cookies Because we want to eat another one Yeah because they're Fucking cookies Yeah

She was one of those people that I felt like I knew already because we know a lot of people in common and I enjoy her stuff online. And it just – like we had not really had any interaction at all. I think I commented on one of her videos and she commented back and that was about it. What did you comment? Oh, you know what it was? It was not a comment. I shared one of her videos. Oh, okay.

And then she commented on that. Okay. And. What if you were, what if you would just comment like you're a reply guy? Like everybody at your posts. God, where's. That whole thing is very painful. I find. When you see a reply guy. Oh, you know what? Yeah. You fucking nailed it.

Bro? Bro? Yeah. Bro? Bro? Bro? Bro? Like we play. Like we play. We both are, we are holding these cookies so near our mouths. It's like playing chicken. We can just stop talking. Who's going to eat first? Forcing the other one to be talking. You go ahead and enjoy your cookie. Oh, because you have something to say? I don't, but I'll figure it out.

So anyway, then I did have Lisa on my CBB Presents, Big Chunky Bubbles, I'll Cry If I Want To. It was her and Vic Michaelis and Zach Oyama, three people that I had not really gotten to play with much and really, really enjoyed it. It was really fun. And Lisa, of course, joined us on tour for a bunch of episodes and

And she's just demented. And I really love what she does. And she is Canadian. And when we were in the car listening to, at a certain point, the Apple CarPlay conked out right as we crossed the border. And we were forced to listen to Canadian radio. And songs would come on and she'd be like so excited for them and go, you know this song, you know this song. And we'd go...

no, it's Canadian. We know it's, we can tell it's Canadian because we've never heard it and you love it. And she'd go, this isn't Canadian. This, no, everyone knows this song. And we'd look it up and she'd go, no, it's Canadian. And,

Because in Canada, Canadian content laws, like 10% of everything you play has to be Canadian. CanCon. CanCon. Oriental City. Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty. Also on that episode was James Mannion, who did a couple of really funny appearances this year. And following this, during a live show, we hit on something we'd never thought about with Cal Solomon. That in the song Rapper's Delight...

You ever go over to a friend's house and the food just ain't no good? That was Cal's barbecue. It was about him. It was a diss track, and he had no idea. We figured that out as we were performing. Where? What city? I can't remember. I can't remember.

It feels like Toronto or something, but I just remember being in the middle of it. It must have been Toronto because that's when I did Cali. Okay. Just realizing that you're the reason it was a diss track was so funny that we'd never thought of that. How did that come up? Was it you that said? I don't remember. I just remember us like, and I don't even think you realize it in the moment, like the audience and I kind of realized it.

And so, and suddenly I was like, oh, you mean this? I like explained, I kind of explained what we had just thought of to you in the moment. And you had a genuine reaction of like, oh, I guess it was my barbecue.

Really funny. All right, let's take a break. When we come back, we're going to crack the top six. We keep cracking new things every episode we do. From here on out, it's all cracks. All cracks. Six, five, four, three, two, one, cracks. Cracks, all of them. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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Comedy bang bang, we're back! Man, I'm so excited that we're back. Can you imagine us not being back at this point? What if we said we were going to be back and then we never came back? And just the show ended? You never heard from us ever again. Ever again! What ever happened to those two guys? I heard they won the lottery. They did? The top 7 through 17 said they were going to be back? Never came back. Oh man, if I won the lottery, legitimately, if you... This is a serious question. If you got...

Suddenly they announced the lottery numbers. Yes. You won the billion dollar mega millions or whatever it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You figured that out in the middle of the show. Would you finish the show? This is, if you found it out right now, would you finish the show? I mean, I'd like to think that I would stay and finish the show, but I might be so distracted that it might as well be worth having me leave. What if you weren't distracted and you were like, oh shit, I just won. And it was not going to distract you. You knew the implications of it.

And you just looked at this and said, do I even need to do this anymore? Or would you be like, I enjoy doing this. I'm going to stay. There's a lot of things that I enjoy doing. That you would never do anymore if you won the lottery. Well, yes. There's some things I would continue to do. And now I would have, they would have a better budget. Right. But things like this? No, thank you. It's tough. It's tough because I would think, I mean, obviously after the episode, I would never do it again. But-

In the moment, I hope my better angels would prevail and I would say, let me at least finish this one out. Let me at least finish part three, if not part four. And then he'd do part four on his own. But yeah, I would be long gone. There was one time when we did the best ofs and we planned to do all...

parts in a row. And then halfway through, you said, I'm going to go. You just took off. And we had to schedule it for the next day or something. Is that how it went down? I think so. Did I just call an audible? No, you definitely called an audible, but I can't remember the reasoning, whether it was like, this is taking longer than I thought.

I need to go. I can't remember if you had something you had to do. I feel like it was almost a physical thing. Like I was. Yeah, it might have been that where you're like, I'm just down to it. I'm too tired. I can't continue. Yeah. In any case, that's not the case right now because we are cracking the top six, Paul, with your choice for episode number six. Number six. Sorry, top six. You're getting cracked.

All right, this is episode 784. Now this is late 700s. This is prime late 700s. There's no argument. This is from November 14th of this year. Late. Damn. This is the second to last episode eligible. Damn. This is called The Princess Sprite.

The Princess Sprite. I'm going to say this sounds familiar to me. Okay. Well, this is a studio episode, and the participants are Nick Kroll from Netflix's Big Mouth and Kroll Show. I think it's Nick Kroll, isn't it? Nick Kroll. Nick Kroll. Nick Kroll. It's one word? Nick Kroll. Nick Kroll. Yeah, he's a mononym, like Cher. Nick Kroll. Nick Kroll. Nick Kroll. We also have John Gemberling and Gil Ozary. This is Gil's first time on The Countdown. Oh, yeah.

His debut on the countdown at number six. I think I know which one this is. Do you? Okay. So this is an episode, this is a studio episode. Nick, our old friend Nick from the early days, he was there in Indie 103.1, our radio station back in the day. So he's been on the show all 14 years. He's gone on to great success with the show Big Mouth and its spinoff, whatever that's called. And what is it called? Bigger Mouth? I don't know.

He always takes time to do the show. One of the busier guys. He also has a newborn out there and a really busy guy. He's having to tell Darling not to worry. That's true. Yeah, he's out there at con getting spittle residue on him from Harry Styles.

He always takes time for the show. He came on to promote Big Mouth. And much like you, Paul, he didn't know who was going to be on it. But I booked a couple of his friends and collaborators. And his eyes grew wide and he said, oh, no, I can't believe it. I love these boys. It was a lot like all of us walked in at the same time and he was like, I can't believe we're all doing it together. He was very happy.

So John Gemberling, we're not going to hear... Previous to the clip, we're going to hear he was playing a guy who had a magic sprite that he'd captured that he gets wishes from. Right. But the clip we're going to hear, this is Gil Ozary. This is the third of three episodes he did during the voting period. And he...

brought an iPad to this episode and we all said, oh boy, here we go. Gil brought another iPad. It was almost the oh boy era. Oh yeah. So let's hear it. This is your episode six. Number six. We have to introduce him. He has a unique aspect to his character and that is he's the world's busiest man. Please welcome Ned Bezos.

Bella Nella. Hey, Scott. Thank you for having me. Hey, Ned. Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. This is Nick Kroll. This is Muddy. Hi, Nick. And this is Mifrin. Hey, Mifrin. Yeah. Hi. Not very interesting that she's a little sprite with grand switches. That's fine. It's not interesting. You know, the guy seems more interesting to me than the... Really? There you go. They're about equal to me.

Ned, you're already interesting to me. Yeah, well, thank you very much. You know, I'm a busy guy. You're the world's busiest man? Is that true? Yeah, that's why I'm here to talk to you about how I managed to do it. Yes, I am the world's busiest man. Is that official or that's just something you call yourself? I'm always running. That's not answering my question. Yes, I am. Is it official? It's official, goddammit. It's official, okay? I'm always running. I'm always doing errands. I have tons of jobs. I'm a party planner. I'm a toy maker. I'm a chef.

I have hundreds of friends. I have a husband, a wife. I have kids. Yes, I have tons of, I do tons of things. I am a husband. Did I say I am? You said you have a husband. I am a husband. Because I was going to say, a husband and a wife. Because you could have a husband and a wife. That would be very busy. That would be very busy, yes. Yeah, I thought that was part of your busyness. You have a husband and a wife. No, it's not just a, no. We're not going to get started.

We're not going to get stuck on things that I say. I'm not the stuck-up guy. Well, now you're doing it. You're taking out those drinks. I haven't done any derailing this whole time. Listen, I've got a lot of stuff going on. November is my busiest month. I was going to say, he's busier than you, so he can't get stuck on these things. There's only 30 days in November, though. What's that? There's only 30 days. Yes, but right now, I don't know if you know this, but November is the busiest month. Any month with 31 days in it would have to be busier. Excuse me. I've got to take this call, Scott. I've got to take this call. You have a call? Okay. Hello? Hello? Hello?

Yes. Yes. Uh-huh. I told you what I wanted in the painting. Yeah. Two nude ladies. Completely seductive on the ground. Yes. Neil deGrasse Tyson. That's right. His hand is a wand. Yes. Spread ass. That's right.

Yeah, they're all in a Starbucks. Extra wet. See you on Tuesday. Thank you. So sorry about Scott. They were talking the whole time he's talking. Sorry about Scott. Who was that? That was your assistant or that was a painter? No, that was somebody I commissioned for a painting. I apologize. I've got a lot of stuff going on right now. I can't really talk. No problem. Look, I'm a private man, okay? So everything, please try not to ask me any questions about these phone calls that I may get. I will get a lot of them. You're already planning on more phone calls? I just, I don't know. I don't know.

no, I just like, hold on Scott. I gotta get another one. All right. Hold on a second. Uh, yes, you can green light it. My first movie. Excellent. Wow. I want you to call it my onion. Yes. $300. Okay. That seems worth it. Let's do it. Total budget and the price of the onion. You got it.

Okay, thank you very much. Oh, sorry about that, Scott. So, yeah, so what were we talking about? How to manage your time? Did you just sold a movie? Did a movie just get greenlit? Yes, it got greenlit, but I can't really talk about it. A 300-hour movie? It's called My Onion. It's my favorite onion. It lasts 300 hours, or that's the shooting schedule? $300 is the budget? $300. Yes, $300. Oh, I heard hours. What about 300 hours? 300 hours, I don't have that. What was that movie, 147 Hours?

For 187 hours. 187, so it would be the sequel to that. I've never seen it. I can't sit long enough for a goddamn... It's too long for a movie. Excuse me, that's my other phone. Hold on a second. Why come on a show? Just take these calls at your own expense. All right, I want you to go into my backyard. Okay? You see the fence? Make a left.

Yes. Walk over to the small creek. Now, there should be a finger sticking out of the ground. Exactly. As if to say, Yoo-hoo, over here. Yes. Uh-huh. Now, I want you... That's where the bodies are buried. All five dogs, okay? They should be decaying. I'm guessing it's, you know, about as big as a bush.

Exactly. I want you to give them a Viking funeral and see me on Tuesday. Bye-bye. Hi. Sorry. Why was there a finger amongst all the dogs? A human finger? This is client-attorney privilege. I can't really talk about that. That was your attorney. No, I'm also a lawyer on the side. I have tons of jobs. To the dogs or to humans who have killed the dogs? I've never defended how would that work, a dog attorney? I don't know. It's a great movie, right, dog?

Dogs are supposed to represent themselves in your universe? I've never seen a dog in court, God damn it. What kind of budget would you need for dog attorney? Dog attorney? Jesus, are we talking CGI here or real dog? CGI humans, real dogs. CGI human, real dogs? Ooh, $350. Okay, all right. We can't buy the peanut butter. You'd have to make it. I'm sorry. This is my mom's OBGYN. Okay, I got to take this. Go ahead, take it. Okay, hello?

I'm sorry, yes? Your mom's... Wow! Doctor, that pink? Unbelievable. And the medicine goes where? Inside. Uh-huh. I'll make sure to tell her. Well, she'd be wet as hell, Dr. Sivio. Thank you. Okay, sorry about that, guys. That was my mom's OBGYN. I don't know that I want to know about this. Can I just call my mom for a second and let her know about this? Yeah, go ahead. She's taking on too many responsibilities. Oh, you know what? My mom is calling right now. Okay, she's calling. Hello, Mom? Yes. Okay. Okay.

Listen, you need to let it slip inside. I want you on your back in bed with your feet up in the air towards the ceiling. Put Elsa on. Just put Elsa on. Who's Elsa? Elsa's her helper. Oh, okay. Yes, yes. Put her feet in the air. Listen to what she says and I'll give you an Oreo, Elsa. I'll give you a little fucking Oreo and get your mouth all chocolatey. Okay? Thank you. Bye. Oh, God. Did you do it? I hope she did. My mom's in trouble. Is your mom expecting?

My mom is not expecting, no. But she can still carry a child? She has something wrong with her down there. But she's going to the OBGYN. Yes, and her OBGYN reports to me because she's kind of nuts. My mom's a learning client. Attorney-client privilege is important to you. I don't care about my mother. Not hip-hop. No, no.

no, no. She's an example to us all. I use her to talk about, you know, the disease. Yeah, that's all right. Can we talk about what you're here to talk about? Sure, yes. I'm talking about how to manage your time correctly. Okay, it doesn't seem like you're doing it all that way. Anything like that. What do you mean? Well, I mean, you've taken five phone calls since you've been here. I'm sorry, that's my kombucha alarm. I've got to take some kombucha first. Yeah, no problem. Yeah, go ahead. Take some kombucha.

How much kombucha? Take a sip. Just one sip? Why do you need an alarm for one sip of kombucha? I just need to remind myself. I can't. I don't remember. Usually, my doctor prescribed me kombucha. Please, please, please. It's okay. It's okay, Ned. Okay. It's okay, Ned. All right. Calm down. Calm down. So you're here to talk about tips. I'm here to talk about tips and tricks and how to manage your time. Yes. Okay. What's the main tip that we have? The main tip is... I'm sorry. Just give me one second here. Okay. Hello?

Yes, I'm just planning a Thanksgiving party, yes. Hello? Yes, I'm trying to cater a small Thanksgiving get-together. 60 to 70 people. Small? Yes. Okay, I want one classic Thanksgiving sandwich. Mm-hmm, no turkey. Okay, limp celery sticks. Make sure they're very limp and wet. That's right. And pineapple juice. Just a body, please. Yes, mustard all day. All day.

All day long, all the way. Outside the bun, please. Yes, with Advil. A black olive, extra whey. That's right. A leave is fine, sir. A leave is fine. And olives in a plastic bag with raisins. That's right. And make sure an old woman who's drinking a Dr. Pepper with dirty red nails touches everything. Thank you so much.

Okay, sorry about that. That's okay. That was, uh, sorry. No, it's just one sandwich? It's November. I told you it's my busiest month. Just because of what? Just because of the sheer number of phone calls I get. Okay, it's okay. It's okay. Oh my God, that's my plumber. Hold on a second. Oh, that's all right. Hi, Ivan.

Yes. Okay, so here's the deal, Ivan. I cut the turd with a paper plate. Yes. Mm-hmm. What? Well, it was huge, but that wasn't the problem. I tried to flush the plate, Ivan. Well, I don't know. I just know that my socks were completely soaked, Ivan. Yes. Okay, thank you so much. I'll make sure to tell him. Okay. All right, bye then. Okay. Okay, that's good. I'm sorry about that. It's no problem. Okay, so... Did we ever get to that first tip? We don't get to that first tip. Was it your shit? It was.

Yes, it was a very long shit. It was long. Yes, it was long. Well, have you ever tried to take a very long shit? Have you ever tried to take a very long shit? No, I tried to keep my shirt as possible. You've got to pack it in there. You've got to keep packing it in there. Don't shit, don't shit, don't shit. Okay. And one of those days you're going to make a little snake. It's going to be like pink berry in your toilet. Okay.

I don't want that. You don't want that? No, that's something I don't want. Okay, well, I can handle it. I don't want to add, you seem very busy, but can I add? If it's quick, yes. I think you should paint the bottom of your toilet to look like a waffle cone, so that when you make your mess... Then it's fun when the plumber... I love that idea. I love that. What are you doing tomorrow? You want him to paint it?

Do you want to follow through on your idea or no? I'm sorry, hold on a second. That's my bug wrangler. Bug wrangler? Yes, that's him. That's my bug wrangler. Okay, hello? Joe, how are you? Yes, I need two large longhorn beetles. Of course they do. They need to fit in a woman's throat. What? She's about 55. Five foot four, yes. Can she sing? Yeah, she can sing. God damn it. Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah. All right. I will.

30 ounces of coconut oil. Got it. Okay. Hello. Yes. So what you want to do is write things down so you don't forget. Write things down. Okay. This is a good tip. So I'll write down that tip right now. Okay. Number one, write things down. Okay. Good tip. Okay. And anything, what are the other tips? Well, what you want to do is, okay, that's my Viagra alarm. I just need to take some Viagra. Why do you need Viagra this early in the morning?

I'm trying to stay constantly hard. Why? Why? Because I want to be like a diabetes patient. I want my penis to be always hard. Okay. I didn't realize that. You go. I didn't know. Well, you'll learn. Is that sound effect called oingo boingo? That is called oingo boingo. In the phone, yeah. It's a very fun, very fun. Oh, hold on a second. Yes. How did you know your phone was going to ring? I feel it vibrate before. Oh, before the sound. He's got an explanation for everything. Hello. Yes. Hello.

Uh-huh. Scott, it's you. What? Sure, I'll come on the show when I'm already on. What are you talking about? What? Is this me? Wait, I'm getting another phone call on my second phone. Huh? Hello? Nick? Yes? Nick, do you have an aunt? Uh-huh. You have an aunt? Sure, I'll be the father, sweetie. It's about three inches, all head, baby. Hold on a second, that's my kombucha alarm. Okay, take your kombucha. One more sip, that's it. Oh, no, you're Viagra. Okay. Hold on a second.

Yes, it's my mistress, Karina. Hold on a second. Karina. Hi, let me ask. Boys, can I ask you for advice? Sure. Okay, is Times Square north or south of Little Italy? It's north. It's north? Okay, honey, I want you to go south. Yes.

Okay. You're directing her to do that? I wanted to keep her perpetually lost, yeah. Perpetually, okay. I came on for advice. I didn't get anything. All we did was give her directions. To be fair, we gave you directions back to Ireland. Frankly, it was a supernatural conundrum. All right. Okay, wow. Wow. That was a busy ten minutes. That's the busiest, unique aspect I've seen. How do you relax? Ah!

Let's see. I don't sleep. I barely sleep. I take some Xanax. Sometimes I have to force myself to sleep. But sex. Basically sex. Oh, okay. Good. Constant sex. Hold on. Oh, it's my doctor, Dr. Sivio. Hello? It's my cancer results. Oh. Are you sure you want to take these on air? Just hold on. Yes. Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Oh, no. Oh, no, Dr. Sivio. Oh, no. Dr. Sivio. Say it ain't so. I don't know.

They didn't get the results back yet. Okay. Apparently a hungry nurse ate some of the wires, so... Some of the wires? I don't know what happened there. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Well, I'm relieved that it wasn't because it seemed like it was bad news. I'm relieved it's... No. But we don't know what the news is yet. What made you think it was bad news? You said, oh my God, and I couldn't believe it. Yeah, the tone of your voice. Because of the wires. The wires were eaten by a hungry nurse. It's a weird story. What would you say? Wait, let me...

You just react for a second. All right, let's role play. A hungry nurse eats the wire, eats some machines in a hospital. Just react. That's so strange. What would you say? I just did it. Do you know the nurse? You know the nurse. Oh, okay. You know the nurse. You fear for her life. Okay. Oh, no. Yes, see? Right there.

Can I do an impression of me calling her to check in on her? Yeah, sure. Hello, nurse. I love that. Absolutely. You have enough time to love that. Hold on a second. It's my travel agent. Travel agent? Yes. Yes, I'm flying out of Kansas City on July 4th at 5 in the morning. Why? Yes. Through the firework, please. Yes. Arriving in downtown Phoenix. New Year's Eve at 5 a.m. Thank you.

You'll be circling. I don't think there will be fireworks at 5 a.m. on July 4th. But you will circle the U.S. for about six months from July 4th until you land on New Year's Eve. That's the plan. Refill in the air. Wow. Stanley Kubrick style. I don't know when he did that.

He did that in his movie. Yeah, he did it in the film. In the film. Dr. Strangelove. Dr. Strangelove. I thought that was part of his weird personality. I mean, what do you think the budget for that movie was? About $350, $325. I've never seen it, though. I can't see a movie all the way through. Oh, you're so busy. Yeah, I can't imagine taking too many calls. You watch porn? Hold on a second. It's my son's school. I have twins. His school? Their school. My son's school. Yes, hello. Uh-huh. They are allergic, yes. My

My girlfriend will handle it. She's in the parking lot. She's sitting in an Nissan Ultima right now. It's black. This is not your mistress. This is your girlfriend. Extra wet, sweetheart. Bye-bye. Okay, sorry about that. Oh, jeez. Was that last part to the school? That was to the school, yes. Are you sleeping with an administrator at the school? I am sleeping with... No wonder you're so busy. I'm so busy. If you just cut down and just slept with your wife, you would have so much more time. You know what I did? I went to a trainer to come faster. Uh-huh. Yes. I come super...

So quickly, I come immediately. On touch or on breath. But it doesn't feel pre... Pre what? Pre-ejaculate? Absolutely not. Is it even pleasurable? At this point, no. But the pleasure hits me like a flashback in the middle of the night. Sometimes I'm sleeping. God, I'm sweating like a pig right now. There couldn't possibly be more calls. I'm sorry. Hold on a second. I'm a lawyer, too. We know that. Jacob. Jacob.

Yes. I'm sorry. I lost all the evidence. Lost the evidence? It was a mistake to take you to the beach, Jacob. I apologize. Yes.

Yes, it was the windiest day of the year. Is your lawyer... Is your client... Hold on a second, I'm getting asked a question. No, no, no, what? What is it? Is Jacob, call Jacob, the lawyer? Oh, is he Jacob from the Axe and the Big, Big Billboard guy? Sure, that's him. That's him? Yeah. You lost his evidence? Listen, furthermore, I apologize... Is that Jacob O'Reilly? I apologize for walking into the ocean and carrying pails and pails of water and spilling it into my trunk where the documents were.

I'm sorry, Jacob. I have to go. Kombucha time. Okay. Look, Ned, Ned, Ned. Yes. I can't say that this appearance was successful. We got to one tip and that was it. I apologize. Number six. That was the busiest man in the world. And Gil was basically sitting here. I can't remember...

If we hooked it into the system or if we put – no, we put a mic next to it. I thought it was a microphone pointed at it, right? Yeah, it was a microphone pointed at it. You'll never bring something we could actually hook into the system. And the story behind that was he told Ben Schwartz – That's coming up, yes. Okay. That's coming up, yes. Apologies, apologies. But this time he brought an iPad and he had these big buttons on it and he was just triggering these phone calls. And he could not lie. A little in the middle.

Um, he was just triggering, triggering these phone calls and talking to them manually. It was very funny. We were dying. Um, all right, let's take a break. When we come back. Oh my God. We're at the final clip of this episode. We're going to crack the top five. It's gotta be cracked. You have to crack it. And we are the crackers. That's right. Well, we shouldn't say that. All right. We'll be right back. Are you catching the big game?

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And we're cracking the top five. This is... We came back to crack. We had to come back to crack because... My pussy on my back. Oh, my pussy on my back. Ah, killing me. Oh, my aching pussy. Oh, this cat's been barking. Jesus Christ.

We're having fun here. I want to check in with the booth. Did you eat cookie? Did you have cookie? Everyone ate cookie? They had cookie. Did Kimmy have cookie? Oh, okay. Cookie, good. There were exactly three left for the three Boothby's. Ian Boothby is over there. Do you know when I worked on Kelsey Grammer Resents the Sketch Show in London, England- I believe you dropped the P there, but go ahead. Never mind. Okay.

You know, one of the cast members was an English comedian named Lee Mack. And he was telling me a story about a friend of his who was also a comedian. And the name he used was Boothby Graffo. And I was like, what are you saying? And was it, did you look them up? He's a real dude. Boothby Graffo. Oh, my God.

Well, speaking of England, we need to get to it. Let's go to your choice for episode. We need to get to England? Yeah. Let's go to your choice for episode number five. Number five. All right. This is episode 750. Scott? Scott?

There's no way you're going to tell me this is not the mid 700s. It is right on the money mid 700s. Smack dab in the middle. Running wild and looking pretty. There is a song that goes smack dab in the middle, though, that doesn't sound like Hot Child in the City. I don't know. Yeah, you're probably right. Smack dab in the smack, smack, smack dab in the middle. Smack dab in the middle.

That's a great way to figure out if something is a song that exists. I'll just say it a bunch of different ways. Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. Yeah, that's it. This is episode 750 and it is from March 28th of 2022. And it is an episode called The Pool Duel Over Part Duel. Oh boy. This is a pool.

Pulled over Pardew. Pardewel. Pardewel. So this is a studio episode. This is a backyard episode. This is a backyard episode. This is a backyard episode. This is episode 750. Now, traditionally for the hundreds and sometimes the fifties, Jason Manzoukas and Andy Daly...

who are in this episode do those episodes with me together. Yes. And a year ago, a couple of years ago, I can't remember. No, it was during the pandemic. Yes. And I believe it was episode 700 maybe, or no, it was an anniversary episode. It was a Christmas episode. It was a Christmas. Yes. One of those episodes.

Andy came on and was doing his character, Byron Denniston. The Royal Watcher. Along with Jason Manzoukas. And Paul, you were on the Zoom silent, on mute, waiting to come on. And you were going to do the very rude young man. Shevel Knievel, the Lady Daredevil. And you were waiting for that moment.

And Jason and Andy and I, as we were talking about Brian Denniston, who is a royal watcher, essentially he's a person who watches the royal family. And there are these royal watchers in England who call themselves royal watchers. But of course, Andy Daly being demented, he's a person who really watches them and gets involved in their life and hides in their house and stuff like that. In any case, we were talking about

Byron Denniston trying to find another member of one of the royal families to hook up with so that he could travel with them to outer space on the spacecraft. And he found a really hot princess or queen. I can't remember. I think she's Lady Amelia Spencer. Lady Amelia Spencer. Lady Amelia Spencer.

And from another country, I believe, not England. No, I think she's from England. No, I think there's a lady, someone that he was in. I can't remember any. Oh, maybe it is Lady Amelia Spencer. There was a queen of some other country that he talked about at one point. In any case, we found out that she has a boyfriend called, his name escapes me, but his nickname was The Grizz. Yeah.

And we started making fun of the fact that she's dating someone named the Grizz and how easy it would be to take, steal the Grizz's girlfriend because he's a water polo instructor. And then Paul in the chat, in the zoom chat typed, should I play the Grizz? And I said, sure, just interrupt us. And Paul came in and interrupted and it shook Andy. I,

I could not believe the surprise on his face. He couldn't believe someone else was talking because we were locked in and just suddenly you're like, well, well. Like your catchphrases came up. Well, well, well. Byron Denniston as Oliver Briggs. And he was like, and Andy was shaking. He hardly ever gets thrown and he was thrown. He's like, what? Andy was reacting as if this was a character I had planned on playing for a long time. Right. And we had just. How fortunate. I was going to play the Grizz. Yeah.

And he's talking about me. We happen to talk about him. And so Byron Denniston became... And the Grizz became arch enemies in this. And it just...

Incredible happenstance. And what I love about doing the show is stuff in the moment happening like this. Yes. And it leads to all of these great connections and further episodes down the line where we expand on it. Another wonderful bit of trivia is that as I was waiting to come on, even though I was muted, I was still recording.

And so the episode originally went out with me practicing the She-Wolf Knievel voice. Unfortunately, yeah, they didn't mute that part of the episode. And so for about six hours, there was a version up there where you can hear Paul kind of shouting in the background going, you're a very rude young man. People are just talking. It sounds insane because like, why are they acknowledging this guy? Yeah. You're a very rude young man. And the episodes usually go out at like 9 p.m. or something. And this is the Zoom era, which, by the way, was a...

so difficult to edit. And so, you know, no one blames the producers and the people involved, although it was their fault. But, yeah,

But it was a Herculean task to put these shows together during the Zoom era. So just that one slipped through. And so for about six hours and they go up at nine at night and then basically like I wake up at five in the morning with a bunch of messages of like, why are we hearing Paul shouting? And then I have to text everyone involved, hoping they get up early enough where they can fix it. But they eventually did. But it's so funny. I got to hear it. I was very glad I got to hear it. It was really funny.

So this episode is episode 715. We planned on doing another one of these episodes with Andy and Jason. And I said, hey, can we get the Grizz involved if he's available? And Paul, you were available, which is really great. This is a backyard episode. And just so you know what was happening in the world when this was released, this was just before the Jubilee episode.

And the Queen, Queen Elizabeth, was still with us. Yes. So we talk about what might happen at the Jubilee, and she is still alive at the time. So let's hear it. This is your episode number five. Number five. He's been on the show several times. He is the aforementioned foreigner, and I believe he refers to himself as a royal watcher.

And we'll talk to him about what that means. I believe we've covered it before on the show, but please welcome... It couldn't be easier to understand. It really is right there in the name. Royal Watchers. Yes, I watch the royals. Yes, and if you need an infusion of modernity into your show, you'll come to the right man because we will be talking about the royals, the Windsors. I got the Pfizer, actually, so I'm good. My goodness, no. Although, you know, well, it's funny you should say that because, you know, Queen Elizabeth has recently had a bit of a...

Yes, I want to talk about that. Let me introduce you. Your name is Byron Denniston. Oh, yes, thank you. Yes, wonderful to be here. Hello, gentlemen. Hello, it's great to see you, Byron. Great to see you, Byron. Lovely to meet you. Yes, yes, yes. You've flown across what they call the pond. No, no. Lately, I have recently relocated to the grounds of Prince Harry and Meghan's home. Really? Where do they live now?

now? Up in Vancouver or something? No, up in Santa Barbara. They live like in Montecito or something, like near Oprah. Montecito, yes. Beautiful country there. Very near to Oprah. As a matter of fact, she has a habit of stopping by unannounced because they did say, please come by any time and she's really taking it quite seriously. She's just taking advantage of them? Well, I don't know that she thinks of it that way, but I'll be quite honest with you, after she leaves half the time, they say, you know, again? Really? Really?

What are we supposed to say? You know, she keeps dropping. I can only imagine if you don't like buy any groceries, just how tempting that would be. What do you mean? I don't know. How tempting would it be to not buy groceries? To not buy groceries and just go over to your neighbor's house all the time. Oh, you mean like for a cup of sugar? Well, you know, like how Kramer used to just like come right into the kitchen every time he would come into Jerry's house. Sure. Yeah. Do you know what? Did you have Seinfeld or did you have a different show there?

Oh, no. No, we, you know, Seinfeld was based on a British series. Oh, it was? Yes, of course it was. We ran four episodes? Yes, we only did four Seinfelds. One cycle, or no, one series. One, no, two series and a Christmas special. So the series were two episodes each? Yes, each series was two episodes, and then the Christmas special was only ten minutes. What was it called? It was called Car. Car.

Car. After Jimmy Carr? Oh, it was Jimmy Carr. Oh, really? He's wonderful. It was just called Carr. And what were they? Like, who was Kramer? Who was Elaine? Who was George? And I'm sure they were not Jewish like they were. No, certainly not. British, yes. More British than Jewish.

Yes. Well, what do you mean, who were they? They were sort of the people in Carr's life. So they're all just based on his past. Yes, exactly. Yes, yes. He had a whimsical neighbor and all that. And this fellow Seinfeld just sort of adapted it for American television. Wow, and people don't know that. Yeah, I mean, it's like The Office.

Yeah. So many American shows are just, yeah. All those, everything that was ever on NBC on Thursday nights was adapted from the British, right? 30 Rock. Wasn't that 30 Stone? 30 Stone. Yep. And it was about somebody who weighed 30 Stone. Yeah. It's a different show. But, yeah.

Yeah, this would be great. And so when you come back on June 6th or whatever, I'm presuming you'll be king at this point. Wow, can you imagine having a royal on the show? Not just a royal, the king of all England. Can you imagine? That would be incredible. That would be so good. I bet that would be the biggest episode you would ever have. Yes. June 6th is literally a Monday, so I hope you'll be back on then. I shall be back on that very day. And you'll be king.

Holy shit. I can't believe it's really this simple. Don't second guess this. No, I know. It's just, it's all out of the blue. I never imagined myself. I mean, I imagined myself marrying into royalty. Sure. Of course. By the way, you were at one point engaged, if I'm not mistaken, right? To someone? Princess, um,

Nearly. Amelia? Princess Amelia? Well, she's not a princess, but I had my sights set on Lady Amelia Spencer, niece of Diana. And, well, there was a duel between me and her intended fellow. What was her intended's name? It was like... Oh, we looked it up. It was the Grizz. Well, yes. Griswold? Was he one of the Griswolds? His last name is...

Miller does everything I don't know but he goes by the Grids he's known as the Grids Greg Miller does something and his friends call him the Grids but he and I had a duel with swords with swords and I did lose but you know what

All this time later, they're still not married. So there is something's going on. Interesting. I think, you know, especially if you're king. Yeah. Who could resist marrying a king? I mean, get that information out there. But I have a thought to challenge him to challenge him to another duel.

Can you do a redo of a duel? Oh, a redoal? Well, I survived it, barely, but I did. I think I can. And my thought this time, this is a bit wild. I mean, if they reboot the Batman all the time, you could do another duel, right? Absolutely. A duel over? Yeah. A duel over. The duel over. Part deux. Ha ha ha.

Our duel. You may not know, the grizz is for a living. Wow, look at those birds up there. Do you have birds like that up in merry old England? I bet they're all sad and rained on all the time, so they're just like sopping wet and just like... Sopping wet birds. That means something else in England. Oh, that's right. Sopping wet birds. That is what one says. That is what one says.

That was two crows chasing a falcon, I believe. Why chase a falcon? Well, because the falcon wants their babies. And in England, the falcon just gets what he wants, I think. The ravens yield to the falcon. That was Super Bowl last year, I believe. The ravens yielded to the falcon. Yeah, I think so. I think you may be right.

Well, was I? Oh, yes. I'm the Grizz. Do you know what he does for a living? I have no clue. It's laughable. Laughable and pathetic. What does a guy named the Grizz do for a living? He's a water polo instructor. No. What? I'm afraid so. Instructor? Instructor?

even a player. Well, he knows the game inside and out, and my plan is to challenge him to a one-on-one game of water polo. Why challenge him at what he does best? Precisely. To all the more humiliate him. Have you played water polo at all? Never in my life. Oh, Byron. No, no, no. But

Can you imagine if I were to best him at the thing that he is? I can imagine. The odds are stacked against you, like staggeringly so. It's a wonderful underdog story. I mean, I don't know that I have the time now that I'm building a throne, but this was my plan to train up and get myself ready and take on the gris. Here's what I say. I say build the throne, become king, then you'll have dominion over the gris, over Lady Amelia. Would he be one of your subjects? Could you put him to death?

uh well i don't see why not i why i mean why not like you could just take care of this without the duel although to the executioner i would maybe challenge him to the duel first see how it works out and then if it doesn't work out your first act as king is to put the grizz to death well if it does work out too if it does or it doesn't i think yeah you know what i mean you don't want the grizz sniffing around no no buckingham palace oh gentlemen this is a

This is a wonderful plan. This is a great plan. Do you want to put it out there to the Grizz that you're ready to duel? Absolutely. Listen to me, you. He's all the way in England, right? Certainly. So hopefully this podcast will reach his ears. The Grizz, you bested me at swords. I give it to you, you did.

But this time you're going down, down into the deep end of the water polo pool. Oh. I will defeat you in your area of expertise. I hereby challenge you, sir, to a game of water polo for the hand of Lady Amelia Spencer. Wow. Wow. Well, now, Byron, I have a little bit of a surprise for you. Oh, yeah.

Now, when I said that the Grizz is all the way over there across the pond, I was fibbing a little bit because I happen to know the Grizz's whereabouts. Oh. Oh, no. And the Grizz is actually...

Right here in this very backyard of mine. I feel that this is not quite fair. And I wanted to surprise you with him, but... Is that the Grizz's music we hear? Please welcome the Grizz! Well, well, well. I don't know. I feel I've been rather shabbily treated here. In what way? You lied to me! You lied to me! How did I

I lied to you other than by omission. No, you told me he was across the pond. This is a very unpleasant... This is a man who stabbed me in the abdomen with a sword last time. And I will again. I meant the pond in my backyard, a.k.a. my swimming pool. Yes, and he was on the other side. He was across there, yes. Yes, I suppose so. Do my ears deceive me? Or did someone challenge me to a game of water polo? Well, yes, but not today. Me! Oh!

The O'Polo Instructure of 31 years of age. Yes, I suppose. You're in very good shape, yes. Well, isn't it interesting? You've been engaged for almost two years.

years now, haven't you? And yet no movement toward a wedding date. What's going on there? I dance as I please, Byron. I dance as I please. Are you sure the lady isn't having second thoughts, cold feet and whatnot? She's having third thoughts. I'd like to engage him again. What?

What? First, I'd like to engage him. Then I engaged her. Then I'd like to engage him again. Then I said, but dear, we're already engaged. Then she forgets and says, I'd like to engage him again. She remembers the first, forgets the second. Are you quite sure?

I think after all this time, she must be thinking maybe it's not such a great idea. How did you engage, by the way, the first time? I'm sure it was just... Yeah, well, you know what? I don't know, Grizz. Have we ever found out your love story with Lady Amelia? How did you guys meet? How did you meet? How did you follow up? How does a guy named Grizz meet Lady Amelia? Thank you for asking. Yes. Lady Amelia and I met at a discotheque.

Another very modern reference. In Ibiza. Oh, okay. A discotheque in Ibiza. And how long ago is this? You've been engaged two years. How long have you been dating? We've known each other for a long time. Oh, really? We were best friends, weren't we? Oh, wow. Like a When Harry Met Sally kind of scenario? Friends first? Or school children? No, we don't have Jewish people in England. Oh.

There's a couple. Do you mean like when Bertram met Beatrice? Yes. The movie that when Harry met Sally. Where did she have that fake orgasm? It couldn't have been at a cat's deli. It was at Harrods, I believe. It was at Harrods. It was at Harrods. And when she finished faking the orgasm, an old lady at the counter turned around and said, I say, that does look ripping. Oh, wow.

I should like to be served the same thing that she was served. How? So you were friends and then just one night love bloomed? One night love bloomed. Wow. We was looking at each other across the pool. I was instructing her to play water polo at the time. How is she as a player?

She's all right. Not bad. Not bad. Yeah. Why did she want to play water polo? I think to get closer to me. To see me with me shirt off. Yeah, I get it. You're very, like, you know, you're young. You have, like, an incredible body, a swimmer's body, I'm assuming. Yeah, you're very wide. Yeah. I'm very wide. Yeah. Delts, lats, the whole thing. You got those cum gutters. Yeah.

Those CGs? You got those UK CGs? We call them sewers. Seamen sewers in the UK. You do? Okay. They drain right into the Thames. I heard in Australia they go the opposite way. Oh, yes, that's true. It goes up. It goes up. So you know my mate, the Zerg. The Zerg. We got to get the Zerg.

We gotta get the zoo. The Australian version of the Grizz? That guy is a lot. You know that everyone in Australia is a mirror version of everyone here. Really? Yeah. So wait, there's a me there? No, no, no. Everyone in the UK. Oh, in the UK. Right? No. Oh, here in... In this hemisphere. Oh, I see. It's hemisphere. It's mirror images of the whole hemisphere. Exactly. Wow.

It's terrifying. Don't ever go. So were you guys just like in the pool and you kissed? Or where was your first physical? When did you get physical with Lady Amelia, if you don't mind me asking? Not until the night of the engagement. Wow. Really? How sweet. We remained chaste until that moment. But you're supposed to remain chaste until your wedding day, which of course may never come. Spoken like a true non-royal. Wow. Oh, no, no. No.

Well, you're not a royal yet, to be fair. Right. I'm closer than he is. Yeah. Are you, though? I'm building a throne. Mm-hmm. I've built several thrones over my lifetime. Of your lifetime? My first throne I built, I was five years old. Even before Lady Amelia, you were just building thrones? That's right. I was just building thrones. Wow. What do you do with them?

Mostly I give them to friends. Oh, that's good. What a nice gift. What a nice non-obtrusive gift. Here, I built you a throne. I built you a throne. Well, if there were all these self-made... Would you say no? Oh, no, I would happily take a throne if someone had delivered it to my house. Exactly. So then is it really more of a race at this point? I'm to build a throne, and then he's already got one, and then on the day of the jubilee, whoever gets into the throne room first is the king? Don't you see? What? If you're not a peer of the realm, it don't matter, do it. What do you mean by that?

You're just a nobody. You're one of the rabble, one of the peasants. Wow. But I'll have built a throne and gotten it to the throne room first and I will be king, don't you see? Well, if you get it to the throne room first, but there's no chance of that happening because you're going to drown during our water polo duel. Byron, you look... Byron, I'm just...

I'm just curious because I don't know if we've ever gotten to this. How old are you? Oh, yes. 58 years old. 58 years old. That's old as hell. And the Grizz is 31, did you say earlier? 31. Wow. Why take him on in water polo? Why lay down this particular gauntlet? The whole idea was to have a few months practice in water polo so that I could humiliate him. But now here we are. A few months? Yes. Would you adamant? A few months? Yes.

I was going to work on it every single day for about three months. How many minutes a day? How many minutes? Up to 60. Every day. That wouldn't have cut it. Of course it would. I'm a natural athlete. I really am. Anything I'm trying to take up, I do rather well at. Sure, as all the British are.

Certainly, yes, yes. Badminton, you know. Look, I think your only hope here is to do some sort of like Air Bud situation where you substitute a dog for you or something. Oh, sorry. That's your answer? There's something in the rulebook that says a dog cannot play War Polo. Oh, damn. That's too bad. Oh, damn.

And Byron, it's been so nice knowing you and it's been such a pleasure to have you on the show, lo, these many years. Yes, yes. I intend to go to my watery grave as a very British man. In a British, I'm going to be British about it. Okay, good. Yeah, you'll have a stiff upper lip. You'll be resigned to your fate. Yes, precisely. And you guys go ahead and get into the pool, if you don't mind. Go on in, Byron!

It's awfully cold. You're complaining about the cold? It's going to be hotter in death. All right. So let's see. I guess I'll do a little play-by-play here. Now, we all know first goal wins. First goal wins, and we're going to flip a... What do you call this coin here? What is this? A pound note. A pound note. Yeah, we're going to flip a pound note to see who gets the ball first.

Byron's got it. Byron, yeah, call it in the air. All right. It's the queen. The face of the queen. It is the queen. You get the ball first. Oh, wonderful. All right, very good. Here I go, then. Do your worst. Water!

Oh, my God. The Grizz is drowning somehow. Grizz. Oh, no. How did that happen? What happened? Oh, dear God. He got tangled up in the net. Oh, no. Put the ball in there. Oh, my God. Put the ball in there. Byron, you can do this. You can do this. Stop dying just a

Hurry! Don't drown yourself. Oh, no! Byron's tangled up in the net. Byron is tangled up in the net. Oh, no! They both drowned. They both drowned.

Jay, we have... The Grizz is coming back to life! How did I get there? Oh, my God, he's... I was in Australian heaven. Oh, my God. Why am I here? Oh, it's... What's his name again? It's the anti-Grizz? No, it's... Richard Harrow. Richard Harrow from... Boo. From Boardwalk Empire. Clanking chains. Number five. Ah, fuck.

A lot of splashing. Now, this is the pool duel over part duel? Part duel, yes. Was there a part one? No, no. Okay, good. It's explained in that clip. I thought I was good. I thought I was going crazy. No, no. This is, yeah, this was part one, but we- Still might be. Oh my God. Everyone's a little insane sometimes. No, is that true? Yeah, it's true. This town needs an enema. Why did he say that?

He's Jack. He's Jack. I mean, Gotham. Look, Gotham was insane already. It didn't need an enema. Especially not from the likes of him. Yes. It's like Dr. Enema thyself. It was not like the suburbs. You know what I'm saying? Give yourself an enema before you give this town one. Give yourself an enema. Ugh.

That was, first of all, Jason. This was, we mentioned Jason Mandzoukas in a previous episode being sort of a hypochondriac a little bit or, you know, aware of his health and safe. So he was very far away from us. I think you and I were next to each other. And Andy, we were all. I think we were closer. We were all pretty close. And Jason was the furthest away by the pool. So that's him making all the splashing sounds. Yes. He was like putting the mic down next to the pool and doing all the splashing. Yeah.

That was supposed to represent two men in a pool. It sounds great. It does sound great. We also, we mentioned the Zerg in this episode and that's where that seed was planted. That's right. That's right. Really fun. It was really fun. So now I've done the Grizz a few times with Andy. Yeah.

And I've always, and I haven't checked with him. I don't know if he's a hundred percent on board with it happening. He loves it. Oh really? No, I mentioned, I said, Hey, can we get the Grizz involved? And he was like, yes, if he's around, he was like very quick to say, I think he loves it. Because what I, what I try to do with that character is I try to do, I'm trying to communicate in my, like everything that Andy says, um,

I feel like my job is to say, you don't know what you're talking about. That's what they want you to believe. But what I want to communicate is I'm not full-on contradicting his world-building. No, no. It doesn't sound like that to me. It's just like this character antagonizing this other character, and it could all be bullshit. Well, it's also interesting because Andy –

has to play lower status to you as well because usually Andy is like a high status character and Jason and I are just like peppering him with questions being a little lower status but suddenly the Grizz comes in his higher status and it throws him off to be like oh no because you know he has to be a sniveling worm yeah it's great it's great it's really fun and we started Twitter accounts yeah

I saw that he did a Byron Dennison account. I was like, is there a Grizz? Nope. I'm going to do it. I don't think I follow either. We had like four exchanges. Okay. And then we both forgot that we were doing it. I'll call Elon. I'll see if you guys can start it up again. Yeah. I want to bring him on stage with you sometime. Yeah.

God, that was good. Oh, my God. This is Elon Musk. By the time he said muh. Boo! Just to see that fucking fool wandering around. Wandering around. All right, that's going to do it for us on part three. Yeah. We... Yeah. I'll tell you what, on Thursday, we're going to be back and we're going to crack the top four.

These will be the final four cracks. Yeah, me cracking these four. Me cracking you, you cracking the floor, the floor cracking open, and the crack of hell swallowing you through the floor. Oh, and the Kraken's in there too. Oh yeah, the Kraken's down there. Release the Kraken! Is that from something? That's from Clash of the Titans. There we go. Yep. All right, we'll see you next time. Bye! I love you.

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