David Cross, James Mannion, Holly Laurent, Greg Hess
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I will show you fear in a handful of dust, now show me that rock and bust. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Uh-huh.

Thank you to Tough Shit Elliot. Tough Shit Elliot for that wonderful catchphrase submission. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. My name is Scott Aukerman, and man, we have a banger of a show. Do people still say banger? I don't know. I don't know. I do, certainly. Because when it happens, you have to call it out. We have a firefighter coming up a little later. We have a manicurist, and we have a hostage negotiator. What?

And we also have a Hollywood celebrity that we'll be talking to in a second. What an incredible show we have for you today. And speaking of Hollywood celebrities, let's talk to the one that I mentioned not moments ago. He...

Used to live in Hollywood. He was a celebrity. He is still a celebrity. He does not live in Hollywood anymore, but we still consider him one of our great Hollywood celebrities. Stars are back here on Comedy Bang Bang, and there is none greater. You know him from such television shows as Mr. Show with Bob and David, Arrested Development, Outlander.

You know him from the movies. Such a scary movie, too. You know him from the squeak walls. You know him from so many things. You love him. You see his face and you say, oh, I love him. I love everything about him. He also is one of the greatest stand up comics to ever exist.

uh, he has a new tour called worst daddy in the world. And, uh, it's starting this week. Please welcome him back to the show. David Cross is here. Thank you, Scott. Thanks for having me back in Hollywood and thanks for arranging it and doing all the paperwork. Of course. Did they pick you up at the airport? Everything was good. Uh,

I don't know who the they is that you are referencing, but a gentleman. I sent 200 people. Did 200 show up or? Well, there were definitely 200 people there. I got the sense that they were just sort of not given real instructions. No, no. I sent one to actually drive you and then 199 to be extras in the background. Oh, then that definitely happened. Yeah. Although it was a share ride, so I guess we're 199.

Oh, okay. In the background and then three of them were in there. Oh, I didn't hire those other people for the share ride. Huh?

Those weren't mine. No, sorry. I don't know who those were. So I was supposed to pay them? Yeah, you were supposed to pay the people for the share. I didn't even... Okay, this wasn't something that I... Did you get their W-2s? I did. I did, but I didn't know I was supposed to pay. This is coming out of my pocket? This is coming out of your pocket, but I reimburse. Oh, okay, I understand now. And then you reimburse a second time for me.

Oh, so then it's still... I don't know. I get confused with the back and forth, but who knows what, you know, like the end of the day. But anyway, thank you. The gentleman was Estonian, I believe. And then the other people in the ride share were seeking asylum. Oh, good. They were from Hawaii. They were. Oh, they were seeking asylum from Hawaii. Yeah. Yeah.

To Hollywood. To Hollywood. Oh, okay. They were just interested in Hollywood. Were they interested in being celebrities or they just wanted to get the... I think two of them wanted to be celebrity adjacent. So... Well, that car ride must have been thrilling for them. Yeah. I don't think they knew who I was. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, it depends on what's showing on the plane, really. Oh, okay. If you don't have access to... And I don't think any of my stuff was on there. And then...

And then one of the guys Googled me, and then I just heard C-list, C-list, C-list. Really? Are you sure it wasn't like an Estonian word, like C-list or something? Well, that was a driver. Oh, they were from Hawaii. Hawaii, yeah. So I don't know what they speak in Hawaii, Hawaiian, I guess. Still, C-list, fine.

Pretty good. You know, when you think about like what's going on with you. Yeah. I mean, it could be worse. It was worse. Yeah. It was way worse. Oh my God. I mean, you've gone from just total nobody. The shit on the bottom of shoes. Yeah. Yeah. Literally. I mean, that was part of that's how I made money. Yeah.

Exactly. You would shit on the bottom of people's shoes? Is that at the airport? I would let them shit on the bottom of my shoe. Oh, right. That's what it was. And then I would sleep with the shoe and then I would write down my...

feelings and reflections and then put it into a poem. I go on to the beach in Venice Beach and I go, I'll turn your shit on the bottom of the shoe thing into a poem. Right. Yes. And you would do that for spare change or... Bitcoin. All Bitcoin. Just all Bitcoin. Wow. This is way before Bitcoin came out. So I didn't... It wasn't the wisest thing. I just had a notion of what it would be. It was just the words or... It was... It was an idea. It was like...

I would take... There's an old candy called Bitter Honey, and I would take that and put it into a coin shape. So it was like the little Jewish children in my neighborhood who on the Hanukkahs would pass out the... Pass out. Oh, they would pass out something. Oh, I see. They'd pass out the coins. Oh, okay. That was a weird holiday tradition if they just pass out. Well, that was part of it too. They were miserable. They were miserable alcoholics. All the Jewish children where I grew up were just...

you know, way, it was bad. It was really, it's so crazy that you made it out of there, uh, being just a miserable, miserable alcoholic adult. Yeah. Well, I, but I, the thing is I had access to all the, I would have, they would ask me, uh,

They call me Pops. That's so cute. Yeah, yeah. Were you older than them or... Sure for sugar pops. Oh, for sugar pops because you always ate sugar pops. Yeah, I'd hand out sugar pops. Oh, you'd hand out sugar... Did you ever eat the sugar pops? No, don't get high on your own supply. That's my number one rule. Just handing out sugar pops to all the kids. They called you Pops. Yep, they called me Pops. Right. And then I would...

uh, they would ask me to go get the, you know, uh, there was, uh, Manischewitz was, uh, the, uh, the, the wine that you use in a lot of, uh, uh, ceremonies. Yeah. Is that right? What one would use? Yes. Not a Jew one would use, uh, in the, the ceremonies. Yeah. And, um,

And so that's what, but I was able to kind of control that. So I would drink a bit more than they did, but they would still get drunk. They were kids. They were kids. They were getting drunk all the time. You were getting drunk. Yeah. And everyone's drunk at the end. This sounds like a happy ending to me.

Everyone's drunk. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they're all dead. Um, but, uh, um, but that's an, that is happy. It's cause they were just miserable. And I think some of them, I'm a little suspicious about some of their intentions, you know, um, in, in America. And, uh, um,

I think that I got the sense they were trying to subvert the constitution. Oh, which part of the constitution? The fifth one. What? Yeah. Article five? Article five. No. Yeah. Fifth page. My favorite article. It's top five, you know? It's in the top five, definitely. But now you've gone from that, you've gone to the...

Well, this show. This show. Yeah, definitely. And then a bunch of stuff in between. Yeah, the stuff in between is not important. Yeah. But this C-list from being on this show, that's pretty good. I think this has dropped me down to C-list. Oh, okay. You were at B-list? Yeah, because when I got dropped off...

Because there's, you know, you can always check in if, I don't know if you have that app. No, no. They have, because I know celebritynetworth.com, they have celebritywhatlistyou'reon.com. They have what list, or am I currently at this moment in time? Am I currently at this moment in time.com. And you, you know, you submit a fingerprint.

Do they do a pinprick for blood sample? Yeah, DNA, DNA stuff, and RNA. Riboflavin. Riboflavin. That's right. What a wonderful world. And word. Yeah. That's what I meant to say. It's a fun world. That's what makes the world fun is that words are fun.

That's probably the number one thing that makes the world great is that words are fun. Fun words, yeah. I mean, I don't know how familiar you are with Gallagher, but he talked about that a lot. Pretty familiar. He's no longer with us, David. Was that a sad day for comedy? It was a sad day that comedy didn't stand up and take notice. Exactly, exactly. I think the only person who was...

More excited than everybody else was Gallagher 2. Yeah, because now he gets to be Gallagher 1. He moves up. He moves up in the listing. He's on what rank is my listing celebrity. At this moment in time.com? At this moment in time.com. Wow. Amazing. I've realized my phone light has been on this entire interview. Has that ever happened to you? Scott. I know, David. David, you and I used to work together back in the 90s. That's not a euphemism.

That is actually true. What would the euphemism part be? I don't know. We were jerking each other off. I don't know. Okay. So the work part would be the euphemism. Yeah, the work together. I thought that in the 90s was the... In the 90s also could be like a little up from 69. I don't know. But you were my boss. You issued me a paycheck every week.

And you were a stern taskmaster. Yeah, and you guys used to have to come in and you would wait outside and we would have you come in and first tend to the fire. We would be on the street and you would come by in a pickup truck, you and Bob, and you would go, who wants work today? And we'd go, me,

Me, me, me, me. And we would get into the back. And it was always the same people because we had jobs. But you made us go through that every day. I mean, that was fun for us, for Bob and I. And then to get paid, yeah, we had the hut built within our office. And then you'd have to wait outside, come in, tend to the fire, massage our feet, and then peel some grapes. And then we would dangle the check.

Over your open mouth. With like a fishing line. With a fishing line. Yeah, it was so crazy. But we loved it. We were young. We loved it. We loved it. And we told you it was a hard lesson to learn, but this is how Hollywood works. And it's never happened to me again since then. So I've been confused. Well, there was a law after they found out there was a law. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

But you and Bob Odenkirk were, of course, our bosses. And Mr. Show with Bob and David was the show. And so we've known each other a good amount of time. Long time. And was that fun being a boss or was it was that too much stress for you?

I mean, honestly, I liked it, but it didn't come naturally. And I certainly learned on the job. But I tried to be a good boss and try to treat people the way I would hope to be treated. What I thought was fun about the show was you made us come in at 1130 a.m. And Brian Posain would be always 45 minutes late. Yeah, I remember.

We could have been more. You could have been more accommodating to people. It's so true. It's very true. I mean, Bob and I had the theory, like we'd get in before a buddy and then we just had the, like, you know, you don't want people to come in, you know,

I mean, we're all young pretty much and we're all like used to a lifestyle where we're out till two or three in the morning. So it just made sense. You want to get the best workout everybody. But yeah, Brian would roll in grumpy, grumpy and falling asleep in meetings.

But it was a great time in both of our lives, certainly mine. And now you're your own boss. You're out there on the road. You're out there and... The road is a harsh mistress. That is true. Yeah. Boy, it is really hard. But you love it. Is that right? You love the art of stand-up comedy too much to keep yourself from being on the road. I do. I truly love doing stand-up and I love going...

out uh and doing stand-up and um and bringing the bringing me to the people when you when you think of a joke because now when you're when you're out there doing stand-up all the time a lot of your ideas when we were working on the sketch show probably went into sketch ideas right like you think of something and you go how do i filter that through a sketch right but now you do it through stand-up right you're like okay this is an interesting idea how do i do it through stand-up when you think of a joke do you say to yourself ha ha ha ha

Um, I, I, I'll think it, I won't say it out loud. I'll think it and I'll write it down. I'll jot it down. Um, and if I have a phone, I'll get a notes app and I'll, I'll type out, I'll make it a little guttural and, um, a little parenthetical that says guttural.

No, I know that. Oh, you know. This is a note to myself. Got it. And then I, you know, I go to Gowanus, which is a part of Brooklyn, an area I live, and then I'll bury the phone and I'll come back 100 years later. Really? So what's the earliest phone that you've buried? Is it almost due? It was a Motorola Razr. Oh, OK. What year was this? This was, I don't know.

Well, 24 years ago. Oh, so we still have 76 years left. Yeah, yeah. No, I haven't unearthed them. That would be cheating. Well, it would be just stupid. It's not going to tell me anything. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. They only have a battery life of like 103 years. Oh, okay. So you got to get in there right at 100. Do you hope to be alive? Because they say things like the singularity.

All of our consciousnesses are going to be transferred to computers and we're going to be able to live forever. Does that sound fun to you? I just, I would want to, I just want to outlive my daughter. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel you. What a weird thing to say. And really mean it. I just, it's a race and I just want to beat her. Just for a sense of pride. Yeah. Just to be like, I did that.

The idea of being in a computer and then like, you know, you have a lovely wife, Amber, and her being in a different computer. And then what do you do? You like you rub computers, you know? I think it's a peer to peer sharing thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, two ports, two ports, one cup.

Well, David, this is exciting. Where are you going with the tour? You're going all over the place. What I like about your tours is you really, you take it seriously. You go out there, you go to a lot of different places and you leave, you don't leave people laughing. Like there are no laughs on the table after you leave a city. Yeah.

Like they're all laughed out is what I'm trying to say. A roundabout way of... But where are you going this time? Well, if I have... The first leg is out. We're about to announce the second leg. Probably right around... Humans have two legs too. So this is... Some of them. Some of them aren't so lucky. That's true. There are...

babies born with thalidomide. That is a good point. Thank you for bringing that to our attention. But if you go on my... Hang on, let me get that. Wait a minute. That's the podcast bosses. We're canceled. Oh.

Oh, no. Don't answer it then. Okay. If you go on my website, officialdavidcross.com, that'll have all the dates where I'm playing. And there will be an announcement probably as this drops. Is that what you say? You still say drops? I guess so. People say that and they say banger, I think, still. And the announcement is for the second leg? It'll be the second leg. Will that be the concluding leg? I think there might even be a third leg. A third leg. Yeah, because I'm going to take the summer off. I'm doing a little... Because I got a kid that is...

in school now i'm not going out normally i'd go out for like three four months straight she was uh you know part of the last where we we put a pack and play into the room on the tour bus and uh but now i'm just going out for like four or five dates you're doing this while she's in school do you try to do the show and get back by the time she gets out of school yes they're all they're all uh all the shows are at 11 30 a.m right and uh

No, I'll go for like, you know, four or five days and come back on the weekends. No, no, I go out on the weekends. Oh, really? Okay. And you do that because you love them? Yeah.

Yeah, I love my family. We're a burden. Boy, man, you are really getting soft in your old age, man. That's so funny. Well, the Worst Daddy in the World Tour, it starts this week, so we're very excited by that. David, you're our guest of honor. Thank you so much for being here. You can stick around, can you not? Ooh.

Oh, you thought this was just going to be a 10 minute interview? I didn't even know. I mean, I'm on the phone right now. Wait, you, who have you been talking to? Because this has been lining up with every question that I've asked. Oh, no, I'm talking to you. This, what you're seeing now in this chair in front of you is Will.i.am. Oh,

Oh, okay. Yeah. You're a hologram right now. Yeah, I'm a hologrammer. Yeah. Oh, I see. I'm one of those guys. Okay, well, stick around if you can as a hologram. Yeah, I can hologram. That'd be all right. Okay, we need to get to our next guest. He's a firefighter. Have you ever met a firefighter before? I see him in calendars. I've never met one. I just heard about what a fireman is. You just heard about a fire? A firefighter, yeah. Okay, so fire. I thought it was just a cop in a different outfit who was beating up fire. Right, that's what I thought too.

But I just learned about fire. It's one of the four elements. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. Air. You don't have air fighters out there. Although you do have like air fighters. Now, is there more than air? I only knew of air as the only element. No, water you drink. Well, you can drink air too. That's how we breathe. What is that? Some crazy thing you're going to try to sell me and take my money? I have some bottles of air that I want to sell you a little later. You wellness freak.

But he fights fires. Please welcome to the show, for the first time, Ryan Hedborg. How are you, Scott? Thank you for having me. Thank you so much. This is David Cross. David Cross. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. You ever see the Arrested Development show? I have. The show, not the movie. There's a movie, Arrested Development, with Matthew McConaughey. Is that right? Yeah.

No, Woody Harrelson. Was that it? I don't know. Ed TV? Is that what I'm thinking of? I don't know. Failure to Launch? I'm not thinking of Failure to Launch. That's wonderful. That's a wonderful film. I know what that is. I've never seen it. It's wonderful. I have seen Arrested Development, though. Big thing. Which season? Three. Is your favorite? I've only seen three. You've only seen three seasons? Season three. Season three. Okay, good. It seemed like there were a lot of stuff that I was missing because I hadn't seen the first two. Sure. Do you have any desire to...

Watch the first. They're taking them off Netflix, so you better get to it if you have desire. Yeah, no. No, you don't have desire? No, yeah, no, I'm going to get right on that. Oh, got it, got it. Yeah, no. Yeah, I mean, and they were long seasons, too. They were like 22 episodes, weren't they? Yeah, well, it was a network, yeah. It was a network show. They don't do that anymore, really. I know, I know, they don't, right? Well, I think Law & Order SVU Cincinnati...

crime scene unit cleaners. Right. That one went like a good 22. CCSUC is what they shortened that to. Yeah, that's the shortened version. CCSUC. CCSUC. UC. Yeah.

Well, hey, welcome to the show. You swore in Spanish. That's right. Ryan, it's great to meet you. You're a firefighter. I am a firefighter. It's a pleasure to be here. Where are you from? You sound like you have a, you're dropping the R's off of the end of your words. Yeah, well, I don't want to say exactly the precise place where I'm from. I'm not asking for an address. Because I don't want to be doxxed or be subject to.

you know, online harassment or anything. You don't want to be swatted. No, I don't want to be swatted. That's for sure. Sure. I don't want C-C-S-U-D to come over to my house. Right. Yes. Ooh, Dorchester. But no, no, no. Well, I'll say this. I'm from, I am from an area in the North Eastern United States where we do speak with a non-rotic

Non-erotic? Is that what you said? Non-rotic. Non-rotic. What is non-rotic? It's exactly what you said. We drop the R's at the end unless they precede a vowel. That's a good rule for a non-rotic accent. Exactly. Okay. Well, thank you so much for having me and for giving me this platform. I've been going around to various schools, to different assemblies. Hmm.

giving PSAs. PSAs, that stands for Public Service Announcement. Public Service Announcement. And thank you for having me here so that I can spread. Hey, you know what? We've gotten the thank yous out of the way. We can now just like leap right into what we're here to talk about. Okay, well, I'm just, I'm very thankful. I've been thanked probably 10 times at this point by you and I would love to just like zip right into what we're here to talk about. Okay, well, thank you for the opportunity to do so. Number 11. Well,

I appreciate this. I mean, I appreciate you as a host listening to allowing your guests to show some reverence. Isn't that interesting, though? We're supposed to thank...

EMTs and firefighters and all that. And it's like, you're rude if you're not like, oh, you're a hero. You're a hero. We love you. And yet here you are thanking me. It just doesn't feel right. All that stuff kind of makes me uncomfortable. Does it really? Every time I save someone, I thank them for the opportunity to do my job. And then I just, I preempt their thank you to me because I don't like to receive compliments. Are you bashful that way? Is that what it is? I'm a little bashful. Yeah.

Well, I appreciate you and I appreciate you, David. Good to be here. Thank you very much. All right. So I've been going around doing PSAs, sharing with mostly at elementary schools, sharing with children the information that they need to survive and be safe in

In this world. Just in this world? Just generally? Or is this all fire related? In the ways pertaining to the areas that I am an expert in. Right. Got it. Yes. Which would be fire? Actually, my PSA is about bullying. Oh. Yeah. Okay. There's another group of firefighters who I actually know who they do the fire safety related ones. Oh. Yeah.

Okay. They don't quite let me join in on that. Why is that? Did you originally join with them? Yeah, you know how sometimes you're with a group of friends and sometimes, I don't know, they start teasing you or you just feel like you don't fit in with them so much. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, David, did you ever feel like that on the Mr. Show with us? Did you ever feel bullied by all of us? I mean, separately at night, like in individual ways when y'all would come over and, you know...

And when I was sleeping and do that, all that stuff that you did. Yeah, we would give you a blanket party sometimes. Yeah. But one-on-one. We would do it one-on-one. We made sure just to, you know, because we didn't, we wanted to keep you, you know, on your toes. Fresh. Yeah. Yeah, fresh. Definitely. Yeah. Jeez, that's a type of bullying that's quite advanced. Yeah.

I've never heard of something like that. It was very thoughtful. It was very thoughtful. Oh, geez. Yeah. So are you trying to say that these guys in the firehouse... Yeah. You don't fit in with them? No. And yeah, I'll say it. They bully me a little bit. They bully you. What do they do? So...

Well, sorry, I'm getting a little bit of motion. It's okay. It's okay. I could guess what they do. Do they take the big fire hose and they say, this is my dick. And then they take like a string of spaghetti and say, this is your dick.

Stuff like that? They haven't quite done that, but... I don't want to give many ideas. It's something that they would do, but they haven't thought of that one yet. Oh, okay. That was the first thing that came to my mind. I guess it all started because apparently, according to them, I go down the pole weird. How? Well, okay. So the pole, for people who have never seen a fire station, they're usually two stories. We don't know why, other than to have this pole, right? Right.

Yeah. It's like it's with the height of the clearing the fire. Right. Yes. But like fire trucks are quite big. So they have to the building has to be that tall. Sure. But just to have high ceilings everywhere. We don't need a second story. Well, because you can get more space if part of that has two two levels in it. You can fit more Murphy trundle beds and stuff. If you have must be really uncomfortable to be in a Murphy trundle bed. You're uncomfortable.

Every single night. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, we do it in shifts, but yeah, it's not the most comfortable. I prefer to be in my bed at home. So in any case, for people who don't know, suddenly the alarm bells ring in the fire department. Right when there's an emergency. You know there's an emergency, usually fire-related emergency. Yeah. You guys like- Pretty much always. Well, yeah, usually fire-related. I guess it could be like sometimes someone-

got stuck in their car or something like that. Yeah. They might call us out for that. Right. And then you guys are expected to jump out of bed. Right. You keep your, your boots there with your big fire things that you're supposed to like, basically you're supposed to time it. So you jump out of bed right into your boots. Right. Um, and then you pull up your big, your big, uh, fire outfit. That's right. And then to get down to the truck, you go down this pole, uh,

Which is in the middle of the fire station. Right. And there's a hole cut out in the middle of the floor, the second floor, and you go through that hole. They cut these out? The floor doesn't arrive that way? That's like something they cut out or...

You know, I wonder how they do it. I'm thinking of two possible ways. Either the floor comes in two separate parts that each have a semicircle cut out of them and they put them together or they build the whole floor and then bore a hole through it afterwards. It's a big hole. Sorry, but how... So then the floor goes first and then the pole goes and they... How do they get...

Because at an angle, if the pole isn't bendable, you'd have to bring it in. Are these bendable poles? This is a good question. The poles are not bendable. The poles are metal. I suppose it would be possible to have two pieces of metal that were shorter welded together.

But I don't think... I think that the hole... They have to bore the hole first, and then I think the hole is wide enough that they're able to... To slightly tilt it at an angle. Yes, and sort of like... Because it has to be wide enough for the biggest firefighter to get through. Otherwise, has that ever happened where a big firefighter goes, oh my God, we have an emergency, and then goes down the hole and then suddenly...

just get stuck? No, that's never happened. That's the sound of getting unstuck. Okay, can we roll that in reverse? Yeah. Engineer Sam, can you just do that in reverse when we do the show? Okay, great. Thank you, Engineer Sam. Thank you, Engineer Sam. Appreciate it. That's what it would sound like. But no, I've never seen that happen. The hole is big enough for most people because, you know,

The hole doesn't need to be like just big enough. Like it can be kind of big. It's like 150% usually. Yeah. The radius of it is 150% of the radius of the biggest firefighter usually. Right. Just to be real comfortable. Yeah. I've never seen it. I've never... It's never been close to being an issue in all the times I've seen it. Okay, good. All right. So now...

Normally, I've gone down one of these poles myself. You have? I have. Not in a fire station, but in a Batman scenario. Ah. Batman scenario. Too strange to talk about, really. Like an escape room or something? No, no, no. Where I was in someone's house and there was like a pole behind a clock and I went down there thinking that I would change my clothes and I just came down and my clothes were exactly the same. It's boring. Ah, I see. It's boring to talk about. Yeah. But...

What you do is you like wrap your legs around the pole, grab onto it with your hands, and then you just like slide right down. And then you slide down and it's faster than, you know, stairs. Going downstairs. Right. Is it? Or is it just more fun?

Well, it's not fun for me, I'll tell you that much. What do you do that's so different? I don't know exactly what it is that I'm doing, but when I see all the other guys go down the pole, it's like you describe it. They slide down. They just slide down. And sometimes they say, wee, like they're having fun, like you said. Yeah.

I, when I do it, I, and I don't know what it is, but when it's like, I'm like a fly getting caught on like fly paper or something. I just like, I jump onto the pole and then I'm like stuck there. And my like skin is like rubbing against the metal and it's making a loud, annoying squeaking sound. And, uh,

uh, it's like, I'm not, I don't just slide down. Do you, is it like stops and starts and. Yeah. Well, I, and cause I'm self-conscious of this. So maybe I'm squeezing onto it even tighter. Uh, and I,

I dropped down a little bit. It makes a really loud squeak. Well, here's the problem with it. If, cause you don't want to just go like, you know what, I'm going to barely hang on to it because then you just like fall, right. You know, it's like a two story fall, right? I don't want to do that. And if I break my leg, that's a big problem for, uh, for the operation. I just haven't gotten down the smoothness of whatever motion it is. I'm supposed to do. Uh, I just haven't gotten it down. And, uh,

The other guys think it's weird. It takes me like one or two minutes to work my way down the pole. Do they make you go last or are you first? Sometimes they're all waiting. Well, now they make me go last because they realize that, you know, they can't, you know, I'm going to hold everything up. And sometimes they, I don't even make it onto the truck. And I'm sorry, why don't you take the stairs? Why don't I take, well, because it's faster to do the pole. It doesn't sound faster to me. Yeah, it doesn't.

Well, I mean, okay. So what? I'm just going to take the stairs when everyone else is sliding down the pole and then never learn how to do the pole? You could go down the stairs and you could say, wee, and sort of feel like you're fitting in. Come on, Scott. One of you ever had fun walking down stairs? Well...

What if you slid down the stairs like on the banister? Oh, that's fine. Like a kid doesn't go. So I tried doing that and I got stuck on the banister. Oh, no. And it was more like I was able to get down, but it was more like a crawl. You're crawling down. Sort of crawling like a bug. Here's a suggestion. Next time.

uh there's going to be an emergency take a bath the night before with a bunch of essential oils and like lavender oil and like baby oil and things of that nature soften up the skin make it a little more slippery as it were and just try it yeah are you are you kind of a sticky gummy guy usually clammy yeah clammy yeah clammy you do get nervous i get sweaty sticky gummy

Well, I guess I do sweat a lot when I sleep. Would that maybe, but wouldn't that slick me up a little bit? You think it sometimes has the opposite effect. Yeah, sweat usually makes you stick to things. Can I, do you mind if I- When it dries, yeah, maybe. Yeah, do you mind if I touch you? Sure. I ask all my guests that usually, so. You're not going to like, depending on what you feel or touch, like make fun of me or anything like that?

Um, do I, I doubt it. Okay. Just cause. Would me just telling you what it felt like, would that be making fun of you or? Uh, if it's accurate, I can, I can live with that. Okay. But we'll see how I feel. Okay. Here we go. Okay. I'm touching your hand. Oh. Um, I mean, that is that I'm out. Let me, let me try to get.

Okay, great. I was stuck to you. That's pretty sticky. It's like if super glue was a person. This is the type of stuff that the guys were saying. I know that. You're like, if super glue was a person. I know it's formatted like a slam, but I didn't mean it that way. You're just trying to describe what it's like. Yeah, exactly. Jesus Christ.

What is it about you that was a strange sensation? And I say strange meaning odd. I don't mean it like you're a weirdo, you're lesser than or anything like that. I just thought it was unique. How does unique sound? That's not making fun of you. Okay, that's good. That's actually a technique that I teach when you're being bullied is to realize that maybe...

What makes you different is also what makes you unique. And so, yeah, maybe I'm just a really sticky guy. Yeah. I wonder what's made you so sticky. It's interesting. Hey, you know what? I have an idea. What if we like, you must do this in your PSAs. You must do a little role playing, right? Oh, yeah. What if David and I were to bully you?

And you could teach us your techniques for how to shut us down or anything like that. Okay, yeah. You want to do that, David? Sure, yeah, yeah. Okay. Hey, you fat fuck. Whoa. Get the fuck out of there, you fat fuck. Look at how fat you are. Okay. Kids, I assume there's children listening to this podcast. I'm usually doing it at elementary school, so I'm going to say kids. I get it. We don't want to take you out of your wheelhouse. It applies to everybody. Yeah.

Okay, when people are saying something like this to you, stop, drop, and roll away. Roll away? I don't know. Hey, if any kids are listening to this, don't listen to this fucking douche. That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. Hold on, are you doing that as a role play? Yeah, yeah, this is part of the role play. The bully has followed you to the classroom.

Okay, the bullies followed me to the classroom. Look at this. Look at this loser. Sweaty, nervous loser. You don't want to listen to this, man. Why are you listening to him? Listen to us. Yeah, listen to us. We're cool. We're cool guys. Hey, you want a cigarette? Yeah, I totally want a cigarette. You got any drugs on you? It's a menthol.

Oh, it tastes so minty and fresh. Hey, after this, I'm going to go down to the Bijou and I'm going to get a handy from Donna Sue. Okay. Hey, fellas. Shut the fuck up. Who is this guy?

Oh, get your hand off me. It's stuck to my face. Okay, there we go. No, we're role-playing with him. It's okay. Yeah, it's all right. Yeah, no, he understands. The teacher's here. Yeah, no, we're just... Now he's role-playing. He's a teacher. He's really good. This is why he's one of the C-list celebrities. Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting there's no teacher here. So everything that we're doing...

Everything that would do it is role play. I was trying to create a situation where it felt like the teacher was there. And the teacher was going to intervene, but he's so cool that he's like... Yeah, well, the two of us were... Yeah, yeah. We're the cool guys. Cool brothers. Okay, so, so far...

I might ask you, because you've, I guess at the beginning you were sort of telling me- You got to get yourself together, man. This is like- Jeez. Yeah. I got to go back to my own principles. First of all, I thought it was really ingenious of you, David, to, he expects to be bullied for being gummy and sticky and sweaty, and you come in with fat jokes. Yeah.

Yeah, I was, I said that thinking, okay, I'm giving him an ability to go, hey, I'm not overweight. Right, but he just took it. Yeah, just took it. I think everyone feels overweight. So it's like one of the best insults because no matter what weight you are, everyone feels like, ah, I could stand to lose it. Especially anorexic people. Yeah. Right? And then it's like,

Yeah. Exactly. So anyway, do you want to break down what we could do better? As bullies? How to bully you better. Well, so that's not what I, I don't want, so first of all, I want to say that if you're a bully, you know, knock that off. Don't listen to this fucking guy. Listen to the cool brothers. We're cool. Okay, I'm getting down close to the ground and I'm going to crawl away. Okay.

Okay, I got to interject. Your two techniques right now are roll away and crawl away. Yeah. You're just a pussy. Well, no, it's... No? Oh, no, no. Yeah, you're a pussy. So the other guy... Look at this pussy over here. Pussy says what? Pussy says what? Huh? Can't even get that shit right. Jesus Christ.

So the other guys, they do a fire safety training assembly right before I do my anti-bullying assembly because they don't let me join in on that. Just because of the pole thing?

Well, because of the poll thing. And I mean, that was what it started. And then they started finding all sorts of other like reasons to make economy. Like what? Well, the other day I thought I'm going to wear my hat, my helmet. I'm going to wear it backwards and see if I don't know, see how that looks and see how I feel wearing it that way.

So like, like someone wearing a backwards baseball, like someone wearing a backwards baseball cap or something. And I just to try it because I'd never seen that before. And I thought, well, maybe if I have like some sort of new persona. And this is during an emergency. Well, yeah, this is the alarms are going off and we're jumping into our boots. You can't do this during an emergency. Those, those hats are built like that for a reason. Well, how, how so? It's still hard. Yeah.

Yeah, but you got all the protection in the back now. Right. Instead of like towards the front where like the big part of the helmet is and you're going into fires, right? Yeah. You need it at the front.

Do you think the helmet is to protect me from the fire? What do you think the helmet's from? Yeah. That's what your brain is in the front of your head, right? We all agree with that. The brain is my helmet. No, it's on the top of my head. Look at this idiot with his hat backwards. This guy's hat backwards looking motherfucker. What else do they make fun of you for?

Jesus, I feel like I'm in there right now. Well, that's what we're... I'm sorry, but we're... I know, you're trying to help. Yeah, trying to help. Help ever hurt never. That's my thing. Yeah, exactly. That's what David's always said. Okay. So...

Something else that they've made fun of me about is a lot of times when I turn on the hose, it lifts me up into the air and I fly around. Is that because you're... The placement of the hose on you or what? Apparently... Well, the hose is very strong and I don't know if they're back there at the fire truck turning it on at extra high pressure just when I do it because this doesn't seem to happen to anybody else. I doubt it. And you know, it's weird because...

My feet don't stick to the ground. Are you wearing shoes? Yeah. Well, yeah, that's right. Yeah. So you thought your feet... Bottom of my shoes aren't sticky. You thought you would be like Spider-Man just sticking to things? Well, I was thinking like, okay... Even wearing shoes?

Well, I think if I'm... Look at this guy. His feet don't stick to the ground over here. Non-foot sticky motherfucker. He's flying around on a hose. Okay, I'm getting on the ground. I'm rolling away. I'm crawling. I'm going to put a rag... We see you. Look at this guy crawling away. I'm putting a rag over my face. Crawling is literally the slowest form of movement. Hey, rag face. Oh, gosh. They're calling me rag face now. Okay. Okay.

Kids Uh Don't Uh If you don't wanna be bullied Uh Just don't do Any of the things That I've been doing here today Cause apparently It's not working Yeah don't be weird Don't be a fucking weirdo Like this guy Right? Don't be a Crawling backwards hat Sticky motherfucking Rag face Yeah Now get the hell outta here Okay I'm gonna kick you Ugh Ugh Ugh

Okay. Well, thank you, Scott, for letting me do my PSA. Yeah. I don't know. It was a little too easy. You know? Don't you think so, David? I mean, when you bully someone in real life, you want a little bit of resistance, right? Yeah. I mean, I'm not a big bullier, but I've kind of got a taste for it now. Yeah. I know. That felt good.

Yeah. Yeah. But it was just because of him, not me. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but also we were the cool brothers. We were the cool brothers. Yeah. So that had a lot to do. We were so in character. I'll meet you on the corner. We'll do some doo-wop over a barrel fire. Oh, don't do that. Why? Does that intimidate you? Doo-wop? No, it's the barrel fire part that-

Oh, okay. That's right. We forgot. But that's a contained fire. I would think you'd appreciate that. Even contained fires can grow. Any fire. The doo-wop is, you don't have a problem with doo-wops? I don't have a problem. I mean, it's a little bit intimidating. Seeing two guys listening to doo-wop on the street. Listen to doo-wop. We're performing it. Oh, you're doing it too. Just people listening to doo-wop is intimidating to you? He takes the low, I take the high. Can I get a pot? Yeah.

We don't need a middle. Sorry. Doo-wop is famously two-man operation. Doo-wop is what we call it. Well, look, Ryan, you're just a pussy. The verdict is in. But can you stick around? I would love to get your insights into our guests that are coming up. We have a manicurist coming up. We have a hostage negotiator. That sounds fun, right? Well, I don't know if I want to.

All right, get the fuck out of here. No, can I please? All right, there. I like that better. All right, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we have more David Cross, more Ryan Headboard. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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years or older. Terms and conditions apply. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. David Cross is here. Worst Daddy in the World Tour kicking off this week and running up until the summer and then he's taking the summer off and then back on the road, baby. Yeah.

Till Christmas? No, till the end of October. Oh, Halloween time. Spooky. Literally up till Halloween. Are you doing a Halloween show or are you going to dress up? No, I want to be back for Halloween in my neighborhood is like really fun and intense and all the kids get together and I want to be there for my daughter and all her friends. Sounds like October 30th, your last show? 29th. 29th, okay. And then you're doing a travel day and then you're back rash and rested on Christmas.

Reschenfrested? Reschenfrested. Yeah. I'm going out on the road. I have two amazing opening acts. I got Sean Patton. Oh, I love Sean. He's great. Yeah. He's opening up and the Cool Brothers are doing it. The Cool Brothers? Oh, shit. I got to clear my schedule. Yeah. And they come out and do about an hour and a half. Well, PSA, do we need to get Ryan Hedward here? No, they would not. They wouldn't. Oh, they wouldn't do it. I tried to and they said no.

Oh, okay. They're cool. All right. Well, Ryan Hedward, by the way, is here. How are you? Good. Yeah. You were cowering in the corner during the entire break. What is going on with that? I just feel like I didn't do a good job of standing up to the bullying or even applying my own- Well, it was the Cole brothers. They're really good at it. Intimidating. Can I say something? I'm making an observation that-

For somebody who is so... Has self-esteem issues and... Is fat. And... Well, forget that. That has to be. I don't think that's true. A weak, a weak spirit. A spineless cuck. A weak...

I'm not married, so I can't technically be a cop. Do you have a girlfriend? I think it's really admirable that you fight fire. So a virgin. I think that's really cool, and that's great. Have you ever put out a fire? Well...

I did have a fire once that I was trying to put it out, but the water was coming out as like a little trickle. Oh, in the hose. In the hose, yeah. Usually it's super blasted. Right, but this time I said, hey, fellas, don't turn up the pressure super high, so maybe they turned it down all the way. It was coming out as a trickle.

And the fire just kind of gave up. Like it got bored. The fire did. Wow. It was almost like this guy's not even worth it. It's one way to do it. And it just kind of receded. Well, whatever it takes. Yeah, it put itself out. Yeah.

But so, I mean, I count it as a win. That's in the W column. Definitely. Yeah. I mean, you know, like I said, I'm not comfortable with compliments anyway. So it's probably for the best if, you know, I'm not doing anything super heroic. You know, just I don't know. I mean, I think it would be best if you just went home and, you know, and then just stayed there until you died.

That's yeah. Huh? After this show, of course we want you to stick around for our next guests. Uh-huh. But then after that, after that, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's one way to go. Yeah.

Something to think about. What is it about me that you want me to stick around even for the part of the show? Oh, brother. If you just want me to just go fucking die. I almost want the cool brothers to come back here. No, please don't break the cool brothers. Okay. All right. But that's on the table if you keep acting like this. You're going to hold that over me the whole rest of the show? Yes. Yes, indeed. We need to get to our next guest. Is that all right, Ryan? That's fine with me. All right. Let's talk to her. She is a manicurist.

Interesting. All right, let's talk to her. Please welcome for the first time, Sherry Lemoine. Thank you so much. Yes, but I go by Sherry Pie because... Sherry Pie. I think, doesn't everybody want a piece of pie? You know? Oh, I get it. It's like Cherry Pie, the Warrant song. Oh. Yeah, she... See, that's back when horny was horny. Yeah. You know? Or maybe that's just the music that makes me horny. Oh, it makes you horny. Oh, are you horny right now? Yeah.

It's not pour some sugar on me. But she's my cherry pie. It's pretty good. I like girls, girls, girls too. That one's good. Yeah, three good songs. One's about girls. One's about pouring sugar on girls. And dessert. Yeah. Just different forms of dessert. Exactly, yeah. I'm also a big fan of, I can't remember the hook, but she's knocking me out with those American thighs. Yeah. I like the idea of thinking about thighs as being American. Yeah.

and that that can be a turn on. But I think a lot of things can be a turn on. We don't remember the hook to that song, though. But we all remember the American Thighs. But the hook eludes us. Yeah, what is the hook of that song? Knock me out with those American Thighs. You shook me off all night long. There's the hook. See what I'm talking about? There's a horny sound to that type of music. I don't know if it's the hair band or just...

Maybe it's that I was the age of horniness at the time. How old of a woman are you, if you don't mind me asking? Well, we're growing up in an ageist society. Ageism is the most socially acceptable-ism. I need a number. Okay. Would it surprise you if I told you I was in my mid-50s? Your references, no, it would not. Okay. That sounds about right. I'm in my mid-50s. Okay. When we say mid, what are we talking? 54. 54.

And I prefer the evens. I would consider that early 50s. Thank you. You know what I mean? Once you hit 55, then you go mid 50s. And then you take that all the way up to 58, I think. Then 59 is late. Wouldn't it be literally the middle? I know, but I think you can get away with it is what I'm saying.

You can still say like early 50s until literally the day before your 55th birthday. Yeah, but then people end up having this very conversation and now you're really focusing on it and that's what you don't want, right? You're saying that if I said, oh, I'm in my early 50s and I'm 54 and a half-

You would then say I was a liar? I wouldn't say you're a liar. The first thing I'd say is like, oh, I think it's adorable that you're that old and you still use half for your age. What about three quarters? I wish more people would say, excuse me, but I'm 72 and a half years old. I don't need to be treated like this. What if I did it by months? I'm 5,000 years old.

Then you, then I got to do the math. And then by the time I figure it out, you're long gone. Yeah, and so is your checkbook. But now you can have a chat bot do the math for you. Oh, that's such a good point. Are you interested in AI? I am. I find it fascinating. Every once in a while, I'll look at the thing that says AI and it looks like the word Al.

Uh-huh. Isn't that right? Yeah, for sure. You're not sure if we're talking just about a guy, a one-syllable named guy. It's like weird AI Yankovic. What are we programming him to do? Make fun of everything? Yeah, yeah, exactly. I don't want to live in that world. No. Ryan, I know you don't want to live in that world.

I don't want to live in any world. In any world. Yeah. So should I call you Sherry Pie? I like it. Yeah, yeah. Okay, Sherry Pie. It's memorable, right? Yeah. I mean, I had trouble remembering. Well, to be honest with you, it was a lover who started affectionately referring to me as Sherry Pie, and I liked it.

So I've asked every lover since and also just regular social. Now you've widened it out to everyone in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Because I find it to be memorable. Yeah.

And I also wanted to say I started out as a manicurist, but I am branching out or expanding, I should say, and I'm an anesthetician. I have trouble with it in the same way. It's like a Worcestershire type of work. Oh, yeah. Well, it's hard to say, especially if you're coming to it late in life. Yeah. You know, and suddenly you have to be one. Right. Boy, I wouldn't want to be in your position.

So, yeah, I'm going to I've started to work with eyebrows, too, because some people, you know, everybody has nails. So we have fingernails. Yeah. We have eyebrows and anesthesia. Yeah. These are your three areas of expertise. Yeah. And do people come into the store wanting one?

Do they want them all? Do you go, hey, give me the full gamut? You can get a full gamut. Put me under, do my nails, do my brows. Yeah. Knock me out. Because it gets tedious. Those American thighs. See? Yeah. What about like skin? Do you do skincare? I do some skincare. I use a lot of ice. I use a lot of tape. I think tape can draw things out of the skin. If you put something sticky on your skin, you would be fantastic.

So you're saying even put something else that's sticky on it. Because we got a guy here, he's like a human roll of duct tape, essentially. Yeah. See, now that is what the guys at the station were saying. That is one of the ones they hit on? Yeah. What about the thing that you get, you roll it and it takes the- Lint roller. A lint roller. Yeah. Yeah, you're covered in lint, I noticed. So I'm, ah, yes, that would be, I would need a lint roller, but-

Can you? No, you are a lint roller. I know. That's what I'm asking. Can you remove lint from a lint roller with a lint roller? This is what the big lint roller is having us do. We buy these lint rollers. They're covered in lint. And then you need another lint roller to get the lint off your lint roller. Oh, fuck it.

that we can agree on we can finally we got something hello sherry pie uh but i was thinking uh speaking of bullying that uh maybe you should treat bullies like you treat a fire you're not going to change the fire you just have to respond to the fire being itself you're not going to change a bully change a fire technically by throwing water on it yeah well being so pathetic that it just puts itself out but no that's a really good advice i mean uh

Yeah, like there's only, you can only control the things you control. I mean, that's why I usually decide to stop, drop and roll away because at least that's something I can do. You could treat it kind of like, have you ever heard any survivalists talk to you about like how to survive an encounter with a bear? Like try to be bigger than it. Yes. Depending on if it's a black bear or a brown bear. That's right. It depends on the color of the bear. And I can't remember. Well, black bears eat their meat spoiled. So you got to play dead.

Wait, you said that like you had a way to remember it, like a mnemonic thing or something. Black bears eat spoiled meat at night. So you got to play dead. So you play dead. What they're going to do is they're going to bury you because they want you to spoil for three days. That's, I think, the desired amount of fermentation. And they leave and come back in three days? So they're giving you a three-day getaway. And as long as you leave within that three-day period...

Yeah. And you're going to have to dig yourself out of the, they're going to bury you. They're going to bury you, yeah. They might even take a nibble, you know? And so you're just going to have to keep playing dead while they take a nibble. It's hard to when they take a nibble. Yeah. And then they're going to bury you and then you're going to get away. You're going to be holding your side where they took a nibble maybe while you're getting yourself to some medical care. Right.

But then the brown bears eat their meat fresh. So you also have to play dead. Same strategy, because if you can convince them that you're dead, they'll be like, I only eat fresh meat. So in both instances, play dead. But who's the ones you're supposed to look bigger than?

I think... Grizzly bear? Well, you're never going to look bigger than a bear. You're supposed to look bigger than a coyote. But if you try to look bigger to a bear, well, maybe it's always going to... What if I get like a big lens and I put it in front of the front of the bear? Like a funhouse mirror kind of situation. I mean, you're already like a human funhouse mirror.

in a way. Yeah, you could maybe even, you could direct the sun through your transparency toward the bear and try to burn it. Oh, wow. But you also, I do have to say, you also could come across a white bear. And the only strategy if you come across a white bear is to pray to your maker because you're about to meet him. What if you look like a Coca-Cola guy?

or something. Then instead of taking a chomp out of you, they're going to come up, they're going to try to take a swig. Take a drink out of you. And you better taste carbonated. But, yeah, that's true. And like a dark, sugary, brown syrupy. How do you know so much about bears? Well, I've gone through survivalist phases. Oh.

You know, I don't have a bunker or anything like that. But speaking of AI, we don't know what's coming. You know, they say it could be full integration. You know, we're afraid that the AI is going to turn on us. But I am of the mind that it is going to be us. See, here's the thing. Everyone's like, oh, no, these robots, they're going to turn on us. They're going to turn on us. Don't give them thumbs.

See? Like, dogs would kill us in an instant. But they don't have thumbs. They can't open doors. They can't open the refrigerator. Yeah. I mean, then there'd be like a planet of apes or some kind of thing. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, I'm getting into brow coaching. Cool. Yeah. Brow coaching? What does that mean? I'm a brow coach because people are really, gals mostly, are getting really into brows. You want to have a strong brow. A strong brow connotes

I don't know if I used connotes right, but it felt right, right? It's so hard to say because sometimes you could go, is it connotates? Connotes? I don't know, you know, but I think you got it. I think you nailed it. I don't think you did. And that's not a pun because of the manicurist thing, the nailed it thing. Do you hear that a lot though?

I do. I enjoy a nail pun to this day. They don't get old because I got a good sense of humor. You have a great sense of humor. Everybody's got nails, except sometimes you'll have somebody who this one got ripped off or that one bruised and fell off. Or I've just been tortured and they tore off all of my toenails, my fingernails. That happens too. And that's why I got into brow coaching. What is brow coaching? That's where you're trying to...

Coach the brow to come out of the skull in a certain way. Yeah, encourage the hair growth, encourage the pattern of growth, encourage the direction of growth. You start out with stencils and you're encouraging, you put a stencil against the face and then you start to treat the area that is showing through the stencil with different plant-based serums. If you can get your hands on a real organic human product.

What? Things like... Hands on a real organic human? Well, you two both have wives and kids. Have you ever seen... Did you watch the placenta come out of your gal? No.

I don't think the placenta ever even went in, my gal. Oh, is that right? Oh, is that right? We had a surrogate, so. Ah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, but David, what about the placenta for you? Was that a fun time? It was, you know, it was tough at first, but. You deal with it. But I just had to add some salt and a little bit of turmeric and

That's another hard word to say, isn't it? Tumeric? Yeah, because it's got the R in the weird place. Tumeric. It doesn't seem right. I say one of the Os because it comes in full of Al. There's this doctor on TV who's always advertising and he sounds like he's slurring his words. He's like, turmeric? Yeah. You know? Tumeric. You can't say it in not-town-john. Why is the doctor always saying that on TV? I don't know. He's selling some sort of supplement that has it in there. Oh, I see.

He's trying to show off that he can pronounce it right, but it just doesn't. It sounds weird. I don't appreciate that. That turns me off. Yeah, exactly. Well, thank you. I think we give doctors too much authority. They're just regular assholes like us. Who have, yes, gone to school for a certain thing, but yeah. Yeah.

Who do you hold in high esteem, doctors or firefighters? Because remember during the pandemic, we were all supposed to like bang on our fucking pots for doctors for like a year. Yeah. Yeah. I did that a couple of times. I did that two or three nights. Two or three nights and you were done. Yeah. Yeah.

That felt like noise pollution. That's the thing. Then you got, then you got, I don't know. I have no idea what I'm saying. Well, what I was going to say is I feel like, I got nothing against firefighters. They feel like in the world of cops and firefighters, you know, what are you going to say bad about a firefighter? They're, you know, way less asshole. A lot of people have said a lot of bad things about me. I know that, but.

Yeah. You don't represent all firefighters. What you needed to do in those cases was just play dead. You know what I mean? Yeah. Play dead. Well, you know, they have that whole thing about ACAB, right? All cops are bastards, right? But we're not supposed to say that about firefighters? Well, it would be weird to say ACAB and I'm talking about firefighters this time. That is a good point. Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah, this is a good point. Say whatever you want to me. I don't care. And where do we stand on that stuff of thanking firefighters or cops or military people in the airport? I always feel like there's a pressure when you see someone in camo in the airport that you're supposed to go up and you got to say a thing. Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah. Remember when you guys had American flags like flying off the back of your truck? Do you remember the day people were like, let's take it down?

Yeah, I remember they took it down because they were like, this reminds me too much of Ryan when he was stuck to that pole. Oh, yeah. You are like a flag. Yeah. In a way, you're a human. Are you sure it's because of the composition of your body or because of your erection? Could be all three. All three. I only listen to the pole part. Oh, okay. Got it. Got it.

Well, this is good. I mean, where is your shop located? I'm on Franklin. Here in town? I'm south of Franklin. Yeah, I'm south of Franklin, north of Vine. And I'm right next to a psychic. So you can kind of get multiple needs met in one trip. So you can get put under, get your brows coached.

Get your nails done and then go next door and see what you should be doing for the rest of the day. Yeah. Get some direction about your future. This is great. Yeah. Well, we need to take a break if that's all right. Is it all right, by the way?

It feels good to me. It feels natural at this point, doesn't it? It feels natural. These American thighs are given two thumbs up. Hey, don't give these thighs thumbs. They'll be unstoppable. They'll be doing more than knocking you out. They'll be stealing your cell phone and learning your passcode. Geez, I'm cowering in the corner as you describe it. You've curled up into a little ball like a roly-poly bug or something. I know. I'm going to take a bite.

Let's see if I can take a chomp. You look like an appetizer or something. I'm dead. I'm spoiled. Okay, well, let's see. Let's see if I take a little nibble here. Ow. No, you have to play dead. Sorry. Now you're really going to be truly dead because you didn't convince me that you're dead. So now I have to kill you.

Okay. Don't just say okay when someone says I have to kill you. God, you are such a pussy. All right. Look, we have to take a break. When we come back, we have a hostage negotiator packed show here today. We'll be right back with more David Cross, more Ryan Headboard, more Sherry Pie. Yeah, see? We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. We have David Cross, Worst Daddy in the World Tour. OfficialDavidCross.com is where you get all that information. We also have Ryan Headboard. Do you have an OfficialRyanHeadboard.com? Yeah, OfficialRyanHeadboard.com. You do? Yeah, that's where I post about my, you know, the PSA tours that I'm doing or the assembly tours. Yeah, that's where you can go there if you want to. Okay.

Okay, you got to be more assertive here. You got to sell it. Yeah. I don't know. I'm feeling kind of beat down today. Yeah, it's because the Cool Brothers got in there and they- Wait, they're here? Oh, earlier. Okay, look. We also have Sherry Pye is here, a manicurist slash brow coach slash anesthetist. Can you make me look angry? Is there a way to make-

eyebrows look angry. Yeah, it's very easy. All you have to do is they have to go up and not come back down. You know how most eyebrows go either straight across and then a little down at the end or they go up a little bit and then down. I know this isn't a visual medium. If you could see my fingers out there, dear listener, you'd understand. But if you don't have the part coming down, you look like an evil villain. Yeah. Yeah. So you just have to make them going up.

That activated Siri somehow. You describing this. Hey Siri. Hey Siri, pies are up, manicure. Just turn it off. Hey Siri, do you know Al? See if we can get Siri and AI talking to each other. All right, we have to get to our next guest. He's a hostage negotiator.

Really interesting. I don't know that we've ever talked to a hostage negotiator before. Maybe once before. I don't know. But he's here. Let's talk to him. His name is Jim Bolt. Hey, Scotty. How are you doing? Hey, David. And a little sticky fellow over there. Nice to see you. And a lovely lady. And happy to be here. Just happy. Happy to have you. Thank you. Thank you. Jim Bolt. Jim Bolt.

Yep. Everything's pretty good on the horizon with hostages. Nothing going down today, which is good. That's a blessing. So there's like a hostage forecast? There's a hostage forecast. We get it every day. It's kind of like the shipping news. Oh, okay. It comes in and they're going to say, you know, we got one at the bank. We got one tax place. Tax place? A lot of hostages. Oh, you'd be surprised at the tax place.

HR block. I have more things going on at HR block. People get mad when they find out how much they're going to owe. Oh, my friend. It's usually because they owe money, right? Not because they go, oh, my God, look at all this money I'm getting. Or sometimes, you know, you got your accountant in there and he's going, hey, fellas, it's going to take me a couple hours. And you're going, hell no, it's not. And he's saying, you know, that's going to cost you 55 bucks extra. And you're going, hell no, it's not. And then you got a guy. And then suddenly there's a gun to his head. Suddenly there's a gun to his head.

But, you know, hostage forecast today. Looks good. Pretty clear. 72 and sunny. That's how we say it. Yeah. But I'm happy to be here. I mean, I'm a huge, huge David Cross fan. And I'm a huge fan of all these people except for this fellow over here, this sick little guy, you know? Now, why are you not a fan of me just because you don't know who I am? I don't know you. I don't like you. I don't trust your friend. You've never been to official RyanHeadboard.com? No, I wouldn't because I don't know how you could put those letters together and get a website. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, you know, it's not that I don't trust you, but that's how negotiation stands. You can't trust anybody. That's the thing. You can't trust anybody. Oh, you're doing your thing. Yeah. So you can't trust anybody. So when I go into a negotiation, my first thing is I'm thinking, this is probably not going to end good. Oh, okay. Because only about, that's, you know, only about 99, I would say 99 of 100 times.

It's not. I'm just saying go, go, go to the SWAT guys. They're just going to go. 99 out of 100 times? 99 out of 100 times. The hostages are killed? 99 out of 100 times, Scott. And that's just the plain Jane truth. Those are bad odds. I mean, it sounds like I don't know why anyone would hire a negotiator. There's got to be a better negotiator out there. Well, this has been the thing. Recently, they've been pulling back all the funding.

for hostage negotiators. Oh. We're stretched thin. Budget cuts. How big was your department before this? Well, before we had, I would say we had 30 or 40 full-time hostage negotiators. 30 or 40 full-time? Well, definitely. Tax season, yes, definitely. 30, 40. Sure. They're part-time. I understand in April. Do they all get sent out or is it like you rotate?

Like what happens? Does an alarm go off and everybody- So you got to go down a pole at all is what he's asking? Sure, we go down a pole. We go down a pole. You've walked by a hostage negotiator house. Yeah, the hostage negotiator house. Yeah. It's like a TikTok house. This kind of sticks all in one house so we can make content. Yeah.

You're making content? Oh, we make content. Scott, you know, when it's not busy, like today, today we're up there thinking, hey, what's a, can you dunk a basketball in the pool? And I'll, you know, I'll see if I can get that. And then I'll eat some chips and be like, you know, something fun. Sounds like bad TikTok. You shouldn't be pitching TikToks. Okay. Well, I'm just saying, if anybody out there wants to. You dunk a basketball in a pool, he gets it, and then you eat chips? Yep.

That's one of those things that we'd be like, chipped or whatever, you know? That's fun. Okay, now when you say it that way. So, yeah, you know, so right now it's cutbacks and that puts a lot of stress on the system. But I would say even when we were fully staffed, 99 out of 100 times, you're in a hostage negotiation, you know, you're just telling your guys, go, go, go, because it's, you know, their gunshots have already gone off. Yeah. So if you're a hostage, are there tips, you know, like- Yes. Like say to-

Cool Brothers were to be abducted. Oh, so you're saying two Cool Brothers get abducted and they're being held hostage or they're holding someone hostage? I'm liking this scenario. Why don't we hold him hostage? Okay, great. Oh, this would be great because I could coach y'all a little bit on how I would deal with a

If you two cool brothers had this guy in a hostage situation, I could kind of figure it out. Okay, great. Yeah, let's do this. We don't even need a gun and a weapon. We just say, sit the fuck down. He sits down. Yeah, I know. That's pretty good. All right. Whatever you say.

I don't want no trouble. And this is good. All right. Now, first off, fella, just little wet fella, I'm going to ask you to just, you can't say anything because words are weapons. That's rule number one. Words are weapons. Wait, he's not allowed to say anything? He's not. Hostage should never say anything. Now, you couple cool fellas, I'd love to hear a few more riffs from y'all because I just, you know, just to kind of up the stakes.

You know, if you can up the stakes, then it's going to give the Haas and Yogo Shea a little more to deal with. So give us a couple more things about this little sticky guy that we could really get in there with. Okay. Hey, Ramen Pants, so what's your deal? Yeah. Hey, Ear Man, it looks like you got two ears on the side of your head over there.

All right, now you get to make one call. Is that usually a hostage negotiation? It's like the police office. I get a one call. Can they call their lawyer? Yeah, well, they could call a lawyer. They call you, right? They would call a hostage negotiator. That would be the best choice. Most times they don't. You're saying it's like who wants to be a millionaire and phone a friend? They phone a friend. They usually phone their smartest friend, and their smartest friend usually gets it wrong. Okay, interesting. But do you need a phone? Do you want a phone? You get one call. Who do you call here?

Here's your phone, all right? Yeah, you can make one call, you son of a bitch. All right, make your call. Make your call. And I'm not calling anybody. Oh, I see. Because I'm not supposed to talk because words are weapons. See, he's following the protocol. Now, just because he followed the protocol doesn't mean he survived. Let's kill him. What are you saying? There you go. Ow. Ow? I'll show you in the head. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. So see, Scott, that's kind of how it goes down most times. Right. Most times it's just you can't even get in there. You just can't win for losing. You can't win for losing. And that's just the that's kind of the position we find ourselves in right now in the hostage field. Yeah. Yeah. It's got to be tough. I mean, at this point, like usually a hostage or the person who takes the hostage is always like, give me a helicopter. But nowadays it's like a helicopter. Yeah.

Where are you going to go? It's not like the movies, Scott. Most movies, the hostages get out. They negotiate. Yeah, because we don't want to see hostages get killed in a movie. Because we go to the movies to escape reality. Not usually. Now, there have been a few of David Cross's movies that I think hostages did get killed in. Some of his early work. Oh, yeah. I'm trying to think. Small Soldiers? Sure. Yeah. Amelia Earhart, The Final Flight? Yeah.

Wow. That is a deep dive, a deep cut. The final flight. Reporter number three. I was reporter number three. What happened on this flight that it was the last one? Well, I mean, technically she's being held hostage by an airplane, isn't she, David? That's a good point. Yeah, I mean, it's a, or yeah, uh,

And she was part of the 99%. But the final flight was the second movie they made. They made the Amelia Earhart penultimate flight, and it was really boring. It was just very uneventful. She flew, she gets off, she has dinner. Yeah. She sees a show maybe. Yeah. Calls her family. Yeah. Everything went fine. She flew to Broadway. Right. Landed in Times Square and then.

got out and saw a show. Right in the middle of Times Square. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people don't think of those as hostage movies, but when I'm training other hostage negotiators, those are two of the films I show them. Really? Oh, show us two films. I would imagine you could see a hostage situation in almost any situation. Well, David, this is one of the things I tell everyone. Every negotiation you're in is a hostage negotiation. Oh.

Okay, I know the Mike Nichols. Marriage counseling? Oh, that's, I mean, that's maybe the number one. Yeah, that's a hostage negotiation. That's actually one that we respond to a lot. Is that right? Really? People being taken hostage inside a marriage therapy. By the therapist or the couples taking the therapist hostage? Okay, so now this little wet guy. Hey, shut up. Okay. Or is the marriage itself the hostage?

The idea of marriage to a lot of people is like being held hostage. Is this to you? The idea of, are you involved with anyone? In my marriages, I have been. Marriages. Yeah, I've been held hostages in a number of marriages. But I've negotiated pretty much 99 times out of 100. I have not exited those marriages well, if that makes sense. I see. But you're still alive. That's good. I'm still alive. So you've been married.

A hundred times. A hundred times? 99 times. Oh, okay. Wait, how is that even possible? Well, David, and I'm a big fan, and I don't want to get into the details with you because I want to impress you mostly, but-

Order number three. Well, I'm a huge movie buff and that's one of... I thought you were a fan of his. Now you're just downgrading it to you're a movie buff? I'm sorry. You cut me off there. I'm a huge movie buff of the oeuvre. Is that the word? It is a word. I believe so. Okay, because I was... Yeah, also a worst-in-share situation. Of the oeuvre of David Cross. Of David Cross. Specifically. Specifically.

But, you know, I was in – I was a summer camp counselor. I was all these different things. And those are a lot of places where just marriages happen quickly. You're in, you're out. Oh, I see. Oh, yeah. Summer camp. Right, yeah. I mean, David, I mean, you would know you were in wet, hot American summer. Yeah.

Were you? No. Now you just know it was that. I could have sworn you were. But, you know, I have a lot of friends who were in there. Okay, yeah. But you didn't get that call? It really felt like you were there, though. Are you sure you weren't there? I saw it in the theater. Oh, huh. Did you like it? I enjoyed it very much, yeah. Did it feel like you could have written any of those lines or improvised any of those lines? I think I could go toe-to-toe, sure. So you could see yourself in it, but you're fairly certain you were not in it.

I was definitely not in it. I'm, again, good friends with a lot of those folks. It really feels like you were in it. I would have put money on it. That is your movie, man. No. Wow. You're above the title in my imagination. Yeah, you're the first name on a poster. Imagination is a wonderful thing. Wow. You should be getting residuals for it then at least. I mean, I was in Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy.

Oh, wow. Perhaps you're thinking of that. Oh, okay. You were what? You were the mummy? I was mummy number three. Mummy number three. That's the thing. Abbott and Costello meet the mummy, just singular. They don't tell you there's mummies out the wazoo in this film. Yeah, well, that was all, they were putting that out there just on the hopes of making a big,

you know tent poles sure yeah yeah the dark universe yeah of course the dark Abbott and Costello universe god I would I would put a thousand dollars on you being in that movie I apologize I think I was thinking of another fella but um who were you thinking of Bradley Cooper Bradley Cooper

You know, it might have been Brad. Yeah. It might have been Brad. Brad, you call him. Yeah. But, you know, he's a versatile actor. So is Mr. Cross. And that is something that is good in hostage negotiation, too. You've got to be versatile. Got to be versatile. You've got to be versatile. Because what will happen in a negotiation where you have to pivot? Well, you know, the outcome is...

Essentially. Preordained. Preordained. Right, yeah. The hostages are getting killed. 99 times. What are you even there for? Well, so you got to be versatile, David, in how you approach your reaction to the end game. Because you know the end game's probably going to be bad. And you're not going to go home and say, well, I'm depressed again, right? You got to think of a way of getting up there. You got to see the silver lining in all the hostages. Silver Linings Playbook, which you were in, I think, right? You were amazing in Silver Linings Playbook. I loved that. You should have gotten an Oscar for that. That's...

Kind of nice, but no, I wasn't in that movie. Again, it's a movie I saw. I did see it. Again, I think you might be thinking of Bradley Cooper. It was. It was Brad Cooper. At least you were in the one with the girl with the nose who should sing in that, not act.

I'm just thinking of the Star is Born. You were in the original Star is Born. Yes. Yes. I was in the, well, sorry, I was in the Pia Zadora remake. Oh, that's the best one. Yeah, I played Zadora. Oh, okay. Interesting. So, yeah, I guess that is what I'm saying. You got to be versatile with your attitude after the outcome of the thing. So a hostage situation is kind of like,

what Sherry Pie was saying about like a fire where like you can't really do anything about it. You just kind of have to- You have to manage your own reactions to it. I think that's right. I mean, it's probably like an eyebrow that won't come out. Ah. You know, you probably just have to manage your reaction. Now you're talking her language. Right. Oh, wow. Well, I have been married 99 times and-

It wouldn't surprise me if today's 100. And this bitch could be one. Well, you know what? I'll tell you. You said 99 times out of 100, the marriages go bad. That's right. Number 100. There you go. I mean, I would be... Are we making a love connection here? I would truly be honored. What kind of pie do you like? What kind of pie do you like? Do you like a savory pie? Do you like a sweet pie? What kind of...

What kind of pie do you like? I mean, I like all sorts of pie. Mincemeat pie, I'm into. That's a savory, but she's a cherry pie. Okay, okay. You want to pivot into sweet pies. Again, I'm just trying to control my reaction to what inevitably could be better. Look, I'm just going to lay it out here on the table. I think I see something between you two. If you want to go on a second date, we'll pay for it. This is... Wow.

Okay, I'm in. Let's go to Ruth's Chris. Oh, all right. I'll get a side of Chris Finch. I don't know that we would pay for Ruth's Chris necessarily, but you know. That's another one. That's kind of a Worcestershire situation where you're like, is that two names? Am I saying that? Ruth's Chris? Why are you putting the apostrophe S on the Ruth's part? See, you guys are hitting it off here. You have a lot to talk about. Yeah.

American Pie that's what you were in American Pie you played that pie that that kid fucks right no I think no no no that was Brad Cooper God it felt like you were in Eugene Levy is who you're thinking Eugene Levy yeah oh yeah Schitt's Creek yeah Schitt's Creek you were in

No, I wasn't. Again, these are all things I've seen. You have watched these. Good. I mean, that's almost like being in them. I think so. I think it counts. That's why I put it on my IMDb page. That's probably what is confusing you because I put literally every movie I've ever seen on there.

Oh, wow. Yes. Oh, okay. So it could be any movie you were involved in, paid for, or just... Or watched. I went to the... Just enjoyed. If I can, you know, and I keep all my ticket stubs in case anybody, you know, the federal government... Yeah, refutes it. Yeah. I've got all the stubs. Or saves it on iTunes if you purchased it to watch it at home. He's kind of treating IMDB like a Goodreads. I have a hostage... When he's seen it, he puts it on there. Yep.

I have a hostage question, as long as I have an expert here. I've heard that it's really important that you introduce yourself, say your name a lot, so that you identify yourself as, I'm just a human, and you, cool brother, you're just a human. You know a lot about bears and hostages. Do you imagine yourself in precarious situations a lot? You know what it is, is that I...

I spend my life trying to attract a man. So I am interested in knowing what men are interested in. I see. Men like bears. Men like whiskey. Men like smoking. I think the men that like bears are not the men that you're interested in, actually, or trying to attract.

Most men like hostages. I mean, I would say I've never actually... I don't know that that's a statistic that I've ever heard. Well, there's never been a female held holding others hostage as far as I can tell. Oh, okay. That's a good point. It's always been a man. So what is your question? Is that right? Well, just what is the importance of saying the...

the person, what is the hostage taker and the hostagee? Are you supposed to say the hostage takers name the whole time? Yeah, you say, well, you'll say their name. So for example, David was the hostage taker. I'd say, David, David, my name's Jim. And David, I don't think you should do this today. David, and he's already thinking, well, bang, bang, bang, I'm going to finish this up. But what I want

There is when David is back at home tonight or when he's in jail or on the run, he's going, what was that guy's name? Because he said my name constantly. He always said his name once. What was his name? And then I would remember, oh, it's Jim. It's Jim. Right. And

And there you have a silver lining in the playbook, don't you? Yeah. Then I'm not sure where that goes. These are good tips. Right. And you would imagine the letters I get, Scott, from people who are in jail that I- I don't really. Yeah. I wouldn't think you would get a single letter. I get letters and they're going, hey, Jim, I remember your name. You negotiated the hostage situation in which I was taken under federal custody. Sorry about all the people that I had to knock off that day, but thanks for saying your name. Wow. They'll say that. Incredible. Incredible.

Well, these are good tips. These are good tips. We unfortunately are. What's that? What an educational edifying episode. It really was. Yeah. We heard about Hollywood C-list celebrity. We heard about, you know, this guy who does hostages. We heard about brows. We heard from a big pussy right over here. So we are running out of time, though. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That's a little something called plug.

Hey, that was teeny tiny pluggy wuggy by the KevBot4000. Thank you so much for that. If you have a plug theme, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs and you can be played on this show. And David, what are we plugging? Obviously, Worst Daddy in the World Tour kicking off this week.

Yep. Well, that's pretty much it for right now. Go to official David Cross. Taking you all the way up to October 29th. Yep.

So, yeah, the first leg is up there. There'll be two additional legs, more of America, rest of Canada, and Europe as well. And you know what you're talking about yet? Or is it like that dream you have where you're going out on stage and you can't remember the lines? Have you decided everything already? I have – what I do is I have a magnetic poetry thing. I have a big metal thing that comes up on stage. Refrigerator that you take along with you. Yeah, big fun –

uh, subzero. And, uh, and I throw the magnetic poetry up there. And you have some steaks in there, just, you know. Oh yeah. I mean, it'll change from, from place to place. You know, am I in the South? Gonna have barbecue. Right. Am I in the Pacific Northwest? Gonna have barbecue. Of course. You know, New England? Gonna have barbecue. Yeah.

Right. And, um, and then I do a poet word things. And that just kicks it off and that gets, it gets the brain going. Yeah. And then I just do, uh, crowd work magnetic for another 57 minutes. It's all poetry. It's all poetry. Yeah. This sounds good. Oh, it's great. I mean, I'm getting so many walkouts. Oh, wow. That's what you want. Yeah. Cause I've got their money already. Yeah, exactly. Um, and if they all walk out in the first five minutes, you get to go home. I get a bonus. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um,

Let's see. Sherry Pie, what are you plugging here? You got anything to plug? Megathepodcast.com. Megathepodcast.com? Who are you, Mario? Megathepodcast.com. Oh, I also want to say that I am officialcherrypie at blogspot.americanthighs.com. That's a good URL. I like that.

that. Thank you so much. It's important to be memorable. You said mega the podcast? Is that what you said? Mega the podcast. Now, mega the podcast. You want to plug that? Well, yeah. Whenever else I'm talking into a microphone, it's on a podcast called Mega the Podcast, which is an improvised satire from the staff of Mega the Podcast.

I guess it's from the staff of a fictional megachurch Scott has been on, played the intimacy coordinator for the Christmas cantata. I don't know anything about that, but people can take a look at this. Jim Bolt, what do you want to plug? You know, Scott, I'm just going to plug makeofthepodcast.com too because that's something I'm on. And then if anybody is down at the UCB down the hill, you can come see Cook County Social Club. That's a fun little comedy group that happens.

When you say down the hill, uh, we're not giving away my location. Yeah, you're right. It just, you know, you know, that one Hill in LA, we're up there right now. And, uh, yeah. So check that out. And, and, uh, Ryan headboard, I guess I'll give you some plugs. Uh, yeah. Well, uh, you know, go to official Ryan headboard.com. If you're interested in, uh, anything I had to say today, if you'd like me to have me at your school, uh,

There's a guy that I, he was trapped in his car and I helped him out. I helped him save him from his car. It sounds to me like you just asked him to come out. Yeah. Well, I said, could you try opening the door from the inside? And he was like, oh, that worked. My bad.

Well, his name is James Mannion. We've become friends. And you can follow him on Twitter at Pizza Mannion. And yeah, he does shows in Los Angeles. Check out Comedian Feud at the Elysian Theater. Probably one in March. Not sure. He told me about it. I'm not keeping track of everything. You don't know his whole schedule. I don't know his whole schedule. Yeah. All right. And I said, thank you for letting me save you out of your car.

And that's how you became friends. Exactly. That's a great story. I love that. I want to plug, look, the Comedy Bang Bang book is coming out now in about a month and a half. And I got an actual physical copy of it this week. I thought you were going to say you got a physical. I was going to say. I got a physical. You should get a physical. Came out bad. Came out bad. Okay. I'm sorry. So this book is the last thing. My last will and testament. I put my will in the back of it. You're going to die? Yeah.

We're all going to die. Nobody's getting out of here alive. I told you. The end of the day. Everything is a hostage negotiation. Yes, especially with the Grim Reaper. And until then, play dead. Yeah. I wonder if that could work with the Grim Reaper. Play dead? And he's like, oh, I already got this guy. Let him take a nibble, see what happens.

Um, but yeah, uh, you can preorder the book. We have all the links up at cbbworld.com slash book. Um, and, we want to make sure that first week that, uh, you get your copy. So it'll go rocket up the charts. Um, and, uh, while you're over at CBB world, uh, take a look at some of the programs we have over there. We have some great shows. Uh, we have a, an episode of, uh, who me with the Batman just came out and, uh, alimony. Tony's Valimony Shoney just came out, uh,

Head over there. Subscribe. If you subscribe for a year, you get two months free. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Oh, my God. Becky, look at that butt. Oh, my God. Becky, look at that butt. Oh, my God. Becky, look at that butt.

Oh, my God. Becky, look at her butt. Oh, my God. Becky, look at her butt. All right. That was Swedish Americana.

by Hacks Rummet Records Garlic and Ham Man. Thank you so much to Hacks Summit Records Garlic and Ham Man. And thank you so much for that theme. And I want to thank our guests. First of all, thank you so much, Sherry. Hi. Such a pleasure. Such a pleasure. And should I reimburse you for reimbursing me on the date you're sending us on? Yes, exactly. Fantastic. Yeah, yeah. Double reimbursement. That's exactly how we like to do it. And Jim Bolt,

What more needs to be said? Nothing, Scott. Appreciate it. And appreciate you and everybody here except for one. That's right. And speaking of that one sticky guy over here. He was talking about me? Yeah. What did you think he was talking about? I don't know. I thought maybe over the course of the last 15 minutes or so.

We come around on you? Yes, we come around or maybe someone else caught your eye or something like that. No, no. When we find a person to focus on, no, you don't want to. That's the thing. You should know this about bullies. No, I know. You know, until they find a new person. Yeah. You got to be so pathetic that they just go, you know what? It's not even worth my time. Exactly. And David Cross over here.

My fellow cool brother. I'll see you out there on the road. All right, cool guy. David's moved away from the microphone. He's packing up his stuff. I got shit to do. He's got shit to do. Hey, he's too cool to even have the show. Wow, amazing. That's a pretty good daddy. That's a pretty good daddy. Pretty good daddy. He's going to, yeah. His tour is a lie. All right, guys. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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