Jason Mantzoukas, Andy Daly, Paul F. Tompkins
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How much different would Mamma Mia have been if they had named it Daddy Yowza? Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Ah, yes. Thank you to Eat Your Fart Out for that wonderful catchphrase submission. Eat Your Fart Out. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week, week or episode at least. 800, 800 of the Comedy Bang Bang podcast. Welcome. My name is Scott Aukerman. We have a great show coming up a little later. We have a person in the, I guess, in the entertainment industry.

And then a person in a different industry, in the music industry, will be here. But first, let's get to our guest of honor. He has been on the show ever since the days back in the beginning. Very first year, 2009, I believe. And look at us, episode 800 now. You know him as he was in The Dictator and...

Nothing else. I'm struggling to think of it. Oh, no, that Mark Wahlberg movie. Oh, Infinite. Infinite. Of course. Which you can see if you... Which you can stream on Paramount+. What do you have to look up? Do you have to go through several layers until you get to the heart of the Matrix in order to find it on Paramount+, now? Absolutely. You have to dig so deep. There's so many sub-menus.

It's in dystopic, futuristic, or you can just keyword search my character name, The Artisan. The Artisan, of course.

Welcome back, Jason Manzoukas. Hello, Jason. Scott, 800 episodes. 800. And you don't look a day under 799. Come on. Oh, my goodness. I'm trying to think of anything else that has 800 of itself. Yeah, right? You would think that most people... What was that show, The 500? Yeah. Yeah, that only had 500. I don't even think that got to 500. Yep. The reality is, like, is 800 too many?

Probably, yeah. I mean, if you really want to go back and just like, you know, prune the episodes, I would say we have a good...

70? This is a great question, actually, because I talk to people so often about the podcast and about what an incredible... About this one? Yeah. Keep my podcast name out of your motherfucking mouth. Wow. By the way, last night was Oscars night to shine. Oh, boy. Of the 12 days of Oscars. And we all know what happened. Boy, wow. Could you believe everything that happened last night? I can't believe how many...

People they forgot in the In Memoriam. Oh my God. And this year, they added a bunch of still living people. It was so weird. They were like, we think this year maybe? Yeah. Probably. I think. That would be good. I feel like the In Memoriam. Get ahead of it. The In Memoriam needs a coming soon. Yes, the coming attractions. The trailers before and coming soon. In 2024. 2023 sees the drop of...

It would be interesting to see how many they got right. It was like, because, you know, that's what the original Deadpool is.

Yes, a Deadpool. Yes, a pool of like who's going to die this year. Absolutely. But what I was going to ask you is just because I feel like Deadpool never dies. He can't. He has that healing factor. That's right. What I'm curious about is because I struggle with this a little bit when I'm talking to people about the podcast and advocating on its behalf. What are your top 200 episodes? I don't have the top 200 episodes. What are the top 200 for you? I have like five that I look back fondly on. Five?

where I'm like, I could listen to that again. Do you think you could, do you think you could right now just name the names and guests of 200 of the 800 episodes? No, of course not. I had, I'm trying to think of like who was even on last week. I know, right? I don't know. I don't give a shit, but hey, we love that the fans keep track of this stuff. Oh, we love that these fucking idiots keep listening to this garbage. Yeah.

We'll keep pushing it to you. Get ready for the book, idiots. You have your own podcast. I do. Do you like any of those? No. Would you ever listen to one for pleasure? It's a brazen cash grab just like this turkey.

Well, this is a BCB brazen cash. Oh, no, it's a BCG. BCG brazen cash grab. I thought it was big chunky bubbles was what I was trying to. I was going to say it's a BCB like a big chunky bubbles. Well, I mean, you could have a BCB BCG. That's right. Well, of course we would. But Jason, you're here. It's episode 800. Again, I'm trying to think of anything else that has 800 of it. Can you think of anything? I guess episodes of 60 Minutes.

Sure. No, there can't be 860 minutes episodes. Yeah, there has to be. Really? How long has 60 minutes been around? Like 40 years, hasn't it? I mean... And does it come out every week? I mean, no, they take... No, I can't... They take summers off. How many... I bet there's less than 860 minutes. I'm going to say... You think there's less... There is not... There are 55 seasons. Of how many episodes each? Three? You think they're only doing four episodes a year? It's like Luther. Yeah.

It's like Luther. There's only three. Yes. They've done 55 seasons of probably, I would say. How many? Probably 30 a piece, 30 per season. Okay. That's a lot. It is. But is it 800? Yes.

I'm looking up 60 minutes episodes. Yeah. And all I'm getting is season 55 has 24 so far. Oh, wow. David Byrne is being interviewed on. Okay, great. Just in time. Oh, thank God. In the morning. Coming soon. He's talking about speaking in tongues.

Anyway, but it's quite an accomplishment if I if I do say so myself. It really is something to be celebrated, even if you can't speak positively about any of the past episodes whatsoever. That's right. This is the one you should be paying attention to. The rest don't even bother going back. But this is the one we we should be paying attention. This is this is here's what I will say. I feel confident in saying this.

is the jumping on point. This is where, this is finally where it crystallizes. And we're like, oh, they finally figured out what they were doing. The first 800 kind of just table setting and warm up.

It's everybody figuring their thing out. It's basically like the first season of Tulsa King. Oh, that's right. We talked about Tulsa King last week. But it's basically the first season of Tulsa King where it's like, get him to Tulsa, meet his friends. Yeah, it's like episode one of season three of The Mandalorian. Yes, exactly. It's like, remember Bo-Katan is here. Remember Grogu? You like Grogu? Remember Grogu. Remember Grogu.

Do you remember? I finally got you to sing on the show. I really appreciate it. That's the one exception. I will only sing about Grogu. We do Grogu parody songs. Can we expect an album of Grogu parody songs? I have some incredible news. What's that? I have some incredible news. Okay. How many episodes of 60 Minutes do you think there have been? Okay, I'm going to guess. I have a little dry erase book. Did you look it up when you were on the phone earlier? No. Okay. But I will say there's 55 seasons.

I'm going to say they do 40 years. If anybody else would like to just chime in, they're more than welcome for a brief moment. I'm going to say 2,200. Okay. 2,500 episodes of 60 Minutes. So you're close. Yeah, price is right rules. I'm right there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm going to say one episode. Jimmy! Jimmy! Hey!

You still were going to say one episode? Our price is right. And I just handed you a beer. So you're saying one episode in case we all went over? Yeah, exactly. You should have gone first. Holy shit. Wow. Jimmy, it's great to see you again. Well, gotta go.

Okay. And he is gone. He's gone, man. He moves so quickly. He's slippery as an eel. It's like Tron. He's on like a light cycle. He just moves at all right angles. He's out of here.

You excited about the Neutron dance? The Neutron dance, baby. Pointer Sisters, let's do this. Sorry to pause in between my sentence. No, no. You noticed I waited. I waited for you because I knew you were going to the Neutron dance. That would be so amazing to have the Neutron movie, have the Neutron dance be the first thing that pops up. It's like, I'm so crazy doing the Neutron. And then they mute the Pointer Sisters. Everyone's like, yes, they finally got it.

I am. Is my answer. I am excited for the new Tron. Can't wait. Can't wait. Cannot wait. Both Trons, such exciting movies. Oh, but well, I will say like, thank God that it's, I guess now it's IP. Now Tron is IP. Tron is IP. What were you going to say? Thank God. Thank God. It's not based on like, come on. It's like a, no, it's an original idea. Like, thank God. Tron is an original idea that doesn't exist yet. That thing's,

It's been around since 84. I wasted so many days. Wasted or? I wasted them away again in Margaritaville. No, I wasted so much time playing the Tron arcade game. Yeah, me too. I loved it. And it was impossible. I loved it though. Same.

I would waste all my paper route quarters. Yeah, give it to me. And every month when I would have to pay the Orange County Register, like the money for the papers, I'd be like, I don't have enough. I play Tron too much. I was the opposite. I was, I mean, not the opposite in that sense, but I was so uncomfortable with the part of the paper route that was collecting the money. So you had a paper route too. Which paper did you do? The daily evening item from Lynn, Massachusetts.

And it was an afternoon paper. They could have just called it the evening item. Like, we get it. It's daily. I guess you're right, you know? Plus day and then evening. It's like I'm confused already. I might be wrong. Maybe it was just called the daily item. Maybe I'm in the evening. Oh, okay. But you did it. You delivered it in the evening. But it was an afternoon paper. As was mine. I did it after school. Yeah.

But I was so uncomfortable and maybe not shy, but just uncomfortable. Collecting? Collecting. Yeah. That I wouldn't. And from everybody. And if people canceled, I would forget to cancel it with the paper. And so I'd be supposedly, I'd be paying extra for their subscriptions for months. Yes. They should not be 12-year-olds in charge of money like this. The papers would call my parents to be like,

We have to pay Jason for the papers. Like this is, we haven't paid him in a month or whatever. And you're just a little shy boy. I just was so uncomfortable with it. I wonder if any of those neighbors have tracked you from then till now and are like, who is this animal? What's wrong with this kid? Yeah.

Well, episode 800. By the way, if you're listening, send us anything else that has 800 of it. I wonder, there must be 800 Simpsons episodes, right? No way. I bet there is. I'm just kidding. I bet you're right on that. Oh!

743. Whoa. We beat the Simpsons. This show is more by the hours significant than the Simpsons by far. More influential. More influential. They're going to stop saying Simpsons did it and start saying Comedy Bang Bang did it. You know, and that's the reality. After the Simpsons. There is a Simpsons episode coming up where they say Comedy Bang Bang did it. Oh, yeah.

Why haven't I been on The Simpsons? Why hasn't Comedy Bang Bang been featured on The Simpsons? Yeah, why haven't you been on... Have you been on The Simpsons? Never been on The Simpsons. Why haven't we been on The Simpsons? Doughboys were on The Simpsons. Fucking Doughboys. Fucking Doughboys? Goddamn Doughboys. We're talking Spoonman and Burger Boy? Fucking Doughboys? By the way, I'll be on Doughboys in a few weeks. Oh, nice. Yeah.

But fucking Doughboys? But fucking Doughboys? Fucking Doughboys? Are on the fucking Simpsons? Simpsons? What is there, a pizzeria Regina in Springfield? Eat shit, Mitch. You know it's just because of the dough thing that Homer says. And they're like, oh, wouldn't it be so funny if Homer was like, Doughboys! And you know, they're tied to the Simpsons because Mitch worked there. Mitch worked there. And Selman's been on, and it's a whole thing. I've known Selman longer. God damn it. I don't know Selman at all.

all, but I'm not on the show. But you are on Star Trek Prodigy, of course. Of course. You play whatever scumbag character. Jankum Pog. Jankum Pog. Good old Jankum Pog, a Tellarite. A 16-year-old Tellarite. Just another one of my...

one of my deeply researched teenage characters that I play. Do you pay attention to the scripts when you're doing stuff like this or is it all just gobbledygook and the show comes out and you're like, oh, that's what I was saying? Wait, do you mean like Star Trek stuff? Like the specifics of Star Trek lore? Do you read the script, the whole script, and nothing but the truth? And nothing but the truth?

I can't handle the script. You know what I mean? Because I was doing a cartoon the other day coming out. I recorded it six months ago. Okay. What's the card? Can you say? I don't want to say at this point, but I recorded it. Can you say it to us and bleep it? No. No.

We're out of bleeps. Oops, all bleeps is the F I thought we were doing. But I recorded it six months ago and I didn't know what the fuck I was saying. I was like, why am I saying any of this stuff? What is it? They sent me the animatic the other day because I had to come in and do pickups. And I was like, oh, I see. I understand what's happening now. Did you then have to redo it? No, no. I was so good. Yeah. So, I mean...

Yes. Sometimes I read the whole thing because some shows that I do, there's a table read of the full script. Really? So you really have a complete understanding of what it is. But then some, to your point, are just I'll get like two pages of just my lines and I'll do three each of my lines. And then it's then it's kind of out of context. When that happens and you're just like, oh, I'm just going to read these lines and not even know what I'm saying. It's like acting is easy.

Yeah. Why are we pretending it's not? No, no, no. Well, that's why the only people who will give actors awards are other actors. Exactly. The SAG Awards. Oh, thank you, other actors. You wish you were getting this yourself, I bet. It's not like there's a Nobel Prize for acting or a MacArthur Genius Grant for acting. The only people who will give actors awards are other fucking actors. Yeah.

That's the deal. Boom. Stupid fucking idiots. These fucking, not just, and the writers. And the writers, everyone, everyone in show business is terrible other than podcasting. And well, but I mean like, isn't the podcast awards just the same exact? They keep, every year they come up with a new podcast awards because they're like, we should be the podcast awards.

And then they are they're competing podcast. Oh, yeah. Every year they come up with a new one. I thought I think I thought every time they were the same one. They should be. It should just be the Grammys. Like let the Grammys take over for the podcast awards. You know what I mean? You mean there should be a podcast Grammy? No. Yes, exactly. OK. Grammys should take over for because it's recorded. It's a recorded video. For fuck's sake. Anyway, I'm long past being. Wow.

being nominated for any of these because episode 800, we're no longer fresh. We're no longer new. This is the jumping on. This is the one that gets the awards. You know what? Why don't you make this episode one? Why don't you do 52? Yes, we should do, we should Star Wars this where it's like, we've done the 800 episodes and then it's- Everything has been the prequel. Should I not mention Star Wars? Yeah.

Hey, we're talking about me being on Star Trek Prodigy, so no Star Wars talk. No Star Wars talk? Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Although... You did mention the Mandalorian and you sang. What are your Grogu parody songs? Oh, what are my Grogu parody songs? Yeah, if you could do any Grogu parody song. Where are you going?

What? You just wanted that door to be closed? No, there's an echo of that door. Oh, I see. I got it. We're back. We're back. We just stopped down for about six hours. We stopped down to do some handyman work at the house. Had to fix a hinge. You're on hinge. I am. We just scratched. We had to fix Scott's hinge profile. Hey, Shimmy. Oh, Shimmy was in that room. Oh, Shimmy. Open it up again. What?

Shimmy, sorry. In or out, Shimmy? Well, I guess I'll just stay here. Okay. Yeah, no problem. Bye. Bye. Bye. Gotta stay. Good guy. Such a good guy.

Well, Jason, we have to get to our next guest, if that's okay. I would love nothing more, Scott, but truly, congratulations on getting to 800. Thank you so much. Thank you for being there since the beginning. I really appreciate your support. It makes me full of such gratitude and honor that I was at the radio station.

Our very first recording. Yes. A ship called Hope. You were there. I was there in the room. Where it happens. That's right. You're a big Hamilton fan. I know that. Speaking of Hamilton, Lin-Manuel Miranda did a...

uh introduction for the comedy bang bang book coming out coming out in a few weeks so i have a copy of it right here i've been leafing through it and it looks fantastic yes i'm a fan of most of the people in the book okay just let me know uh on mike you're not a fan what i'd love to do is take a sharpie and just cross out a bunch of pages okay just rip them oh yeah i'll rip them out and if the publishers can go ahead and do that with every copy that'd be great okay no problem

All right. Well, we need to get to our next guest. He is I'm wondering if you've ever met this guy. He is I think he's been on the show like once before, I think. And I'm not sure if you were there when he was on, but he is what's known as a royal watcher. Oh, Scott, I've definitely met this guy. You've met this guy? Oh, yeah.

In a previous episode or off mic? I've met this guy so many times, some people might say they're not interested in me talking to this guy anymore. Ah, the fan. The fan, singular. Ah, the fan. Ah, the fan. Are you talking about the Robert De Niro movie? Wesley Snipes? Yeah. You want in on this? I mean, yeah. Sorry, you got to stay. You got me. All right.

Let's bring him on. He is a royal watcher. He closely watches the royal family, the monarchy there in England. Please welcome back to the show, Byron Denniston. Thank you. It's wonderful to be here. Great to see you. Nice to meet you again.

Again, I'm very interested in speaking with you. I am as well. I don't care if anyone's interested in listening at all, but I'm glad to be here and glad to be talking to you. I don't care about the other people because, I'll be honest, never before, I feel like in my lifetime, have the Royals been so prominently featured in pop culture. It's extraordinary. What a time to be watching the Royals. Yes, yes. What a time to be staring at them all the time as I do. That's right. It's a wonderful time. You were on the show before and you've talked about

You were on the show before. I believe I've been on this show before. And we've talked about how you, there is, it's sort of a cottage industry royal watching out there in England. You do it a little bit differently. Mm-hmm.

Well, I suppose, yes. I would say I do it a bit better than most, you know. Most sort of rely on friends of friends as sources and whatnot. And I'm more of a direct source. I find my way into the lives of the royals. Yeah. What's interesting about you, Byron, and you've profiled it. We've talked to you many times as we've profiled you in the past. But you are an immersive royal watcher. Oh, that's a good way of putting it. You're not out watching from...

the scrum from the street. You are undercover. You are Donnie Brasco-ing yourself inside of these royals. Was Donnie Brasco undercover or was he the guy that was looking at the people who were undercover going, are you undercover? Sorry, wait a minute. Go again? What?

Do it again. Was he the guy who goes undercover? Do his dialogue. I liked when you did his dialogue. Or is he the guy going like, are you undercover? So is Darnie Brasco the guy that says what? Are you undercover? Or... Hey, I'm undercover. The latter. Those are the two choices.

You're either, hey, Donnie, we need you to go into a I'm undercover scenario. Not a, are you undercover? Are you thinking of a departed scenario? That's more of a, are you undercover scenario? I guess. And an I'm undercover scenario. That movie was too many things. Hey, can I ask a question? Yeah, shimmy, what's up? I mean, what's the people sitting Donnie Brasco in to ask if people are undercover when they already know who's undercover?

I can't hear you. Come in here. All right. All right. Jimmy, what was your question? Yes, Mike. Wouldn't the people who are sending Donnie Brasco in to find out if people are undercover, wouldn't they already know who's undercover? I'm not saying. Like you say, forget. No, I'm saying is Donnie Brasco the guy going, I'm undercover? Or is he the mob boss going like, are you undercover? Are you undercover? Oh.

Oh, he wanted to know which one Brass was. Yes, I'm wondering if he's throwing the mind boss around. He's got a job to ask people if they're undercover. Yeah, is he Jack Nicholson? Wait, you think Jack Nicholson is in Donnie Brass? No, I'm saying in the departed analogy. Also, who is he telling I'm undercover?

I guess whoever is asking, are you undercover? The film is called Donnie Brasco. Who is Donnie Brasco in Donnie Brasco? Is he the undercover person? Guy undercover or is he the guy going, are you undercover? Donnie Brasco is in the movie saying...

with everything but words i'm undercover okay so body language actions all of his everything is i'm under these mob guys got to read like body language oh yeah they should take courses al pacino is the low level oh that's right that's right um that's i remember this movie now yeah the undercover good stuff what am i undercover are you undercover no of

Of course not. Wait, are you? For real. My voice is saying I'm not undercover. You have to answer correctly, truthfully. Are you an undercover cop? See, that's the thing. Trying to take on the criminal element of podcasting. You know the whole thing of if you're a cop, you have to tell? Of course. What?

Why don't they ever bring that up in these undercover mob movies? Yeah, agree. From what I understand, that's not true. What's that? Apparently that's just in the UK. Yeah, that's in the UK. Those are bobbies. Yes, if you ask a bobby, are you a bobby? They're allowed to say no. Like if he puts a regular hat on over his big tall helmet.

No, no, no. You're only allowed to deny it if you are dressed as a Bobby. How many times? Three? Three times deny it. Like Peter denied our Lord? Indeed. And then you must tell the truth. Okay, Shimmy, thank you. When it got religious, Shimmy got out of here quickly.

He's got to go ask for forgiveness. Do you think that is he religious? He's either religious or he hates religion. I can't quite tell. I feel like if he hated it, he'd have a lot to say. I don't know that we'll ever find out. Byron, welcome back to the show. Wonderful to be here. What a time to be watching the Royals. Big news today, you know. Archie and Lilibet have been styled as prince and princess. It happens. It happens.

I heard about that. That's Harry and Meghan's kids, right? Yes. The Sussexes. They finally are not denigrated. What's the word I'm looking for? You're talking about the denigration of their children? No. Those children have been denigrated enough. Yeah.

I think so. Quite frankly. They've been delineated, I guess, is what I'm trying to say, as prince and princess. I don't know that they... Designated? Designated? Yeah, that's probably... Departed? No, not the departed. Internal affairs? Infernal affairs. Infernal affairs. Differentiated? Yeah.

No, no, no. That's fine. All I got to say is you talk on mic 800 episodes in a row and see if anything you say makes sense after a while. That's your excuse? Yes. You've had too much practice? Yes. All right. Hello, Malcolm Gladwell. You're bullshit.

I'm not up to 10,000 hours yet. 10,000 hours? 800 episodes at maybe 90 minutes per. I'm only at 1,000 hours at this point. I need to do another. Wow. You all know Beatles of England. Yes. You guys know the Beatles? Yeah. European rock group. Yeah. Not just European, but British, in fact. Oh, wow. That's part of Europe, though. Oh, didn't it? It was pretty Brexit. But they came up in Germany. Uh,

Well, I spent time with her. No, hardly. No, not at all. Never. No. Really quite British. But yes, not only that, not only are she a little bit prince and princess now. Why, thank you.

I just tipped Byron. Thank you very much. Am I supposed to tip you? I never know what the rules of tipping are. No, no, we don't really do it. No, my service is included. Can I have it back then? Is the VAT included on this appearance? Yes. Are you supposed to just take the credit card thing from me and put in all the stuff? I beg your pardon? Never mind. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I don't know, but every country does. I know. You have to in Canada. And they stand there, but here too, they do it everywhere. They stand there holding it or with you, like just watching. Yeah. Oh, yes. That really. Only if she'll ask you if you want to add a chip. Yeah. And then you have to decide, right? I don't mind. I just mind the kind of looming pressure.

Yeah. Let me, let me figure out the math on my own. Let me use my fingers. I got to use my fingers. I don't want you watching me. Interesting. You don't like anyone watching you when you use your fingers. Oh, no, no, no. Blindfolds for everyone. Okay. When,

The moment I'm done with a meal, I expect the check. That's one thing about me at a restaurant. The moment I put the last bite- Isn't it weird that servers in general seem to forget about you once the plates are down? Yes, they do. And then hours will go by and you'll be like trying to get their attention. I have a habit of dropping the fork very loudly on the plate after the last bite. Clank! Done! And if that isn't hint enough- You throw up your hands. I've had my fill! Survivor style. You stick out your tongue for inspection. Ah!

Does that happen on Survivor? Yeah, when they're eating the worms and the pig guts and all that kind of stuff, the pig rectums. Do you watch Survivor? That's a show that's got to have, or maybe not, because that's like 27 seasons of that show or something. No, 44 seasons. Is it really? Yes, they're in their 44th season. Have you watched every episode of Survivor? I have, yes. Wow. Yeah. I don't remember it being on 44 years ago. No, it was 22 years ago. Because they do two a year. No, that can't be right.

Okay, sorry. The other thing, are you a bit of a survivor watcher? A little bit, yeah. I enjoy Survivor. Yeah, not to the extent that Adam Scott does, but where he's sitting there in the reunion shows, like in the audience. Oh, is he really? Oh, wow. I had no idea. Yeah.

The camera's always glimpsing him in the corner of the frame. It's insane. Survivor is not that different from the royal family when you think about it. What? Alliances and eliminations and whatnot. It's really gotten wild. I never thought about this. Maybe I should start watching the, I was going to say Survivor.

Survival Royal Edition. Oh, yeah. Yes, it really is quite a bit like that, isn't it? Well, maybe they should all be on an island together. Well, Harry and Meghan seem to have been voted off the island. Well, yes, precisely. Were they the first ones voted off? Well, you have Prince Andrew, of course. Oh, yeah. He's not coming back. I think he thought for a while he might have the immunity idol, and he does not. Every once in a while, someone who's voted off will go to Redemption Island.

There's no Redemption Island for Prince Andrew. Well, on the other hand, he, as you may have heard here across the pond, old Harry and Meghan have been escorted out of Frogmore Cottage. And who's living there now but Prince Andrew. Prince Andrew is in Frogmore? Yes, Andrew's in Frogmore. His first declaration was more frogs. Really? Yes. He was like, I want this place to be called Frogmost. Yes.

It will be Frogmost. It will be styled as Frogmost. And, you know, they put $3 million into renovating it, did Harry and Meghan. Yes, they did. And then they've been simply, their father said, well, you can't have it anymore. Can they take all this stuff they put in out? Well, that's what I understand. They're like lugging the microwaves out. I heard Prince Andrew requested that they leave all of the season posters for suits on the walls.

Okay, I understand that. And she's fine with that. Up to where she left? Yes. And then the ones with Katherine Heigl when Katherine Heigl replaced her. There's like half of the season five poster. Yes.

I may be getting the math wrong. A terribly undignified process of Harry and Meghan pulling out fixtures and copper pipes and whatnot. Yeah, yeah. Crown molding. All the crown molding is coming with them to California. Recessed lighting. Pulling it out of the ceiling. Yes. All of it. They want all of the bits and pieces and the Carrara marble and all that. It's been...

terrible. I would say they're doing it themselves. I'm on their side. Oh, you are? Regarding this issue. I think it is terribly undignified for a form of penance. To be replaced by Andrew, too. They've also been so removed from the royal family, so removed from all of the creature comforts and all of the support systems. I heard that they had to call friends with trucks and promise them pizza to help them move all that stuff. Yeah, pizza and beer. Pizza and beer. That's where they're at.

Yes, they had Parson Becks and James Corden helping them move. And was James Corden dressed up like the mouse like he was in that video of him trying to promote the Cinderella thing where he like stopped traffic and waved his little butt? Yes, of course. I don't even know what that is. Oh, you got to see it. Think how annoying moving Van Karaoke would be. That's what it was.

Very annoying. You haul karaoke. You haul karaoke. Just trying to execute a three-point turn in a car that you have no view of the rear. Trying to synchronize his song to the backup beeps and whatnot. Just

How many beeps per minute is it? Precisely. BPM. Yes. So that's happening. And then, of course, plans for the coronation are well underway. I'm sorry, the coronation, when is that? May the 6th. Or as we say in England, the 6th of May. 6th May, 2023. So this will be the crowning of King Charles. Has he just not had the crown put on his head? What if he put it on earlier? No, he wouldn't have had access to the crown.

crown. Why? Where's the crown? Well, they keep it in the Tower of London under guard. Under guard? Wait, so they took it off? I'm sorry. I just want to know the details, the nuts and bolts of this. Did they take it off of Elizabeth's head? Was she wearing it when she passed away? Well, the moment she died, they had to pry it out of her fingers.

Her cold, dead hands? Her cold, dead hands. A lot like the rifle in Charlton Heston's hands? Which, from what I understand, I'm no Heston watcher, but from what I understand, they were not able to pry it out. Really? So he's still got it. He's buried with it. With that rifle. Not for lack of trying. Yeah. But they were not able to get it out. So they pried it from her hands. She was clutching it to her bosom. Indeed, indeed. And then they conducted it straight to the Tower of London. Via taxi? Or how did they do this? Again, it was Corden in the van. Yeah.

So, Gordon's just... He's on call. Well, he has a van and he sort of put it out there. Oh, okay. He has a pickup. He has a pickup. Yes, Demi Lovato is in the passenger seat. They grabbed it and they took it right there. Yes, yes. He's sort of... Singing songs along the way. My question is, does the Crown...

Get resized. What a good question. Yes, it does. And unfortunately, King Charles has an enormous head. Oh, so they have to add stuff to it. He's got one of those big old heads. Absolutely. So are they adding? His head and his hands are really kind of like big and...

Oh, yes. He will not wear the traditional gloves, Coronation Day gloves. Are they adding like gold and jewels and stuff to it? What a racket. Have a big head and then they have to add jewels. I'll be honest, Byron, and speaking to you as someone who is from the UK, I cannot understand why the people of your country allow for this family to...

keep all of the land and riches for themselves. What do you mean? How could you not understand it? They are the sovereign. They are the monarch. They are genetically, you understand, blessed by God. Oh.

Genetically, they are perhaps the most flawed people on Earth. Oh, what do you mean? They are on the verge of implosion. How dare you? I mean, just genetically, you have like two of the three of them are bald already. They are actively melting. Well, if...

If the rest of us do not resemble them genetically, it is we who are at fault. They are, they have royal blood, the blood of God. Was there a thing where like, are all those stories about like the lady in the lake and the sword and all that kind of stuff? Arthurian legend. Yeah, were they chosen by God to do this? Absolutely, yes. Yes, it was God himself who handed it down. I just brought up God to see if shimmy would pop.

of, but I guess he's anti-religious. He's really steering. What's that, Jimmy? NA. NA? NA.

NA, not available. Not applicable. Oh, okay, thank you. Not applicable. Oh, okay, got it. I don't discuss religion. Do you know that the coronation has been given the codename Operation Golden Orb? Oh, wow. I used to play Golden Orb with my friends. By who? By who? By, you know, by like the Secret Service? Hey, shimmy's back. I probably should not have revealed that. I heard codename. I got excited.

That's an internal MI6, only MI6 agents and me. How did you learn? Well, because I sometimes walk around MI6 dressed as an MI6 man. Smart. Yes. How does an MI6 man dress? Well, in a suit and tie and wearing sort of the face mask.

of an MI6 man who has gone missing. You're talking like a Mission Impossible meets James Bond. I don't know why we had that technology where we had like fake masks. Oh, we can do face-offs. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's just a matter of slicing off the face of a man who's gone missing and wearing it about MI6. How do you get biometric scans? Do you have to wear his eyes? Do you have to wear all the fingertips? Because you collect eyes, I think we talked about in a previous episode. I have lots of eyes, yes. You were using them in the Scrooge Gang heist.

Correct. I can pass just about any biometric scan. That's really, that's strong. Wait, so you, how many eyes do you have if you can pass any biometric scan? Do you, or here's the thing, do you think you have more than 800 eyes? I'm sure I do. We found one. I have eyes that can get me into any museum, eyes that can get me into any. Wait, are there only 800 eyes in the world? Yeah, that's the thing. And you just gotta cycle through them? People talk about how like unique eyes are, but there's only 800.

Wow. And that's the thing is they're just spread out. Okay. Yes. We should use fingerprints for this. There's only 500 fingerprints. What? I had no idea. 1,200 snowflakes.

Not in this country. Oh, don't get triggered there. I'll say. What else is going on in the coronation? Well, you know, we don't know yet whether Harry and Meghan will attend the coronation. They have been invited, but we don't know yet whether they'll make the trip. Oh, boy. Isn't that fascinating? It's a long trip. Do you think they should be there or that they shouldn't? Are you of the opinion that the things they've done and said should make them...

Should ostracize them for welcoming them back to the family? My opinion is that Harry should go and Megan should stay behind in Montecito, where I'll be at that time, and throw a party. Throw like a pajama party. Something like that. You know, maybe where she's in her underwear. Yes. And other girls with pillows. Get a bit loose. Scott, what's your deal, man? I'm just saying, she's going to be at home. No, but I had a thing.

Byron was talking about what he was hoping, and you just jumped right in. Trying to get an invite, Jason. To the Meghan Markle pajama party? No, to his... Him watching it. Oh, I see. Like, you're fashioning some sort of Porky's style. Yes, like people type thing? Yeah. Do they have a locker room there in Montecito? Of course. Oh, so there's locker room talk? Showers, steam room. Are you guys going to do a panty raid? What is this?

Well, panty raids are fucking weird, right? I used to read about them. What do you mean? I used to read in, in like as a teenager. Panty raid weekly? No, as like books I would read, they would go panty raid. When you really think about it. In all those movies too of the time where dudes would like go

run up with a ladder to a college dorm, put the ladder against the window and then run inside. And then they would like run them up like a flagpole and stuff. Yeah, display. There are much more professional ways to go about getting your hands on the underwear of someone who's under really want to have like what you're not going to run them up a flagpole. You're not going to yell panty raid at the top of your lungs. I agree with that. Although I am kind of on board for running them up a flagpole.

That's a flag I would salute. All right, well, I'll consider it. There is going to be a concert and laser light show. Would you like to hear? Yeah, let me guess, Elton John. Yes, Elton John's appearance has been- God, this guy. He's been described as unavoidable. Because he was supposed to retire. Yes. And he's been going around on this, this is my last show ever in this.

particular city. Yeah. And then he does like 800 more shows. I was present when King Charles was asked his opinion of having Elton John perform and he said, there's no point having an opinion. It will happen, won't it? Seems sort of upset. But there will also be...

A performance by Eric Clapton and Van Morrison. We'll get together. No, good. Wow. Yes, you are kidding. Yes, they will. You are kidding. Like, true modern villains? What do you mean villains? No. They're both deeply anti-that. These are legends of classic rock and roll. Deeply racist and anti-Semitic things. Well, they're going to be premiering two new songs written for the occasion. Oh, no. One called You Can Keep Your Microchip, Mr. Gates. Ha ha ha.

And another called I'm Not Sorry I'm White. From what I understand, it's going to be a 40-minute set with just those two songs, so we're promised a lot of stage banter. And I heard that Van Morrison is rewriting one of his songs to be Blue Eye Girl.

Oh, my. Blonde-haired and blue-eyed girl. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl. Yes, yes. He's rewriting a bunch of the oldies. There will also be Morrissey, Roger Waters, and fresh out of Wandsworth Prison, Gary Glitter. So wait, King Charles is going to pardon Gary Glitter? No, you know, he was released. Oh, he's out now. He was released a month ago. I did read that. I did read that. He was released into the care of Prince Andrew, and the two of them have just been...

Shuttling back and forth between Bangkok and London ever since. They're all researching a book with Pete Townsend. Yes, research. Townsend will be there, of course. The Pointer Sisters performing Neutron Dance, of course. Oh, okay, great. Are they going to stop before they say dance? Probably, yes. Okay, good.

That's about it. There is an effort to get some more LGBT plus performers involved, but the king has said preferably not boy George. But he's willing to have him there if need be. I wonder why. I don't know. There's been some talk of having the alive members of Dead or Alive. Right. People who fall in that column. Right. Yes. Yes. Apparently, yes, that band cannot be booked dead or alive as their title says. They won't have the dead one. Yeah. But.

Interesting. Well, I mean, this is quite a celebration. It's going to be wonderful. Are you going to be there? I will absolutely be there. Well, I'm not done yet. There's another band called Sha Na Na that will be there. Oh, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on. There's a band called The Light Fandango, which is a Moody Blues tribute band. Hold on, go backwards. Go backwards. Go backwards. Yes. Say less. I...

that Sha Na Na is going to be there? A band called Sha Na Na will be there. And you said that the Light Fandango is a Moody Blues tribute band? That's right, yes. Not a Procol Harum tribute band? Well, it doesn't really matter. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

So they don't even know the music that they're attributing. It's maybe not the tribute the Moody Blues would have wished for. So they sing Proko Harum songs as a tribute to the Moody Blues. Oh, fuck.

Yes, that's what it is. They must be very honored. I hope the Moody Blues are sitting there having to listen to it too. And Eric Clapton and Van Morrison will join them for a whiter shade of pale. The Moody Blues have pitched the band some of their own songs, you know. You call yourself the Moody Blues tribute band. Can you play some of ours? But it's been, yeah.

But back up, I want to hear about Shauna Na. Shauna Na's going to be there. Yes, yes. We know who they are. Oh, you do? Well, they're an American institution here. Oh, cool. But also, Jason, I feel like we've heard, we've talked about Shauna Na on this program before. I know this is a jumping on point. We shouldn't be discussing earlier episodes. You know what, though? That's good because people who are jumping on now, you know, by the way, welcome.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang episode 800. You're finally here. Slash episode one. That's right. Right. So there is some history. There's, I will say there's a little bit of shared history in the last 800 episodes. Yeah. Jason and I have heard about this band, Shauna, not a lot. I feel like, uh, from another guest, uh,

But we don't need to get into that. We don't need to... It's not that kind of show anymore. We don't need to summon him at all, but that's interesting. I wonder why their performance. Well, evidently, their performance on the Malt Shop Memories Cruise fell through. LAUGHTER

Malt shop memories cruise. Are they able to get malts on cruises these days? That may have been a problem. Why? Because of the supply chain? Yeah, it's just the ingredients. Like, can they take them on a go? Wouldn't it all melt? Is that what's been holding you back? Wait, do you think they don't have, like, freezer or fridge capabilities on cruises? I have no idea what they have on cruises. Do they have freezer capabilities? You know what?

I don't know. Yeah, you have no idea. You called me on it and I immediately caved because I don't know either. I've never been on a cruise. We have no idea. Well, this is very interesting, Byron. We're coming up here on a break, but... Oh, I haven't even told you about the most exciting... Wait, I was going to say after the break, the most exciting musical performance of the entire... This is a good team. I enjoy this. So we're going to take a break and when we come back,

You're going to tell us who the most exciting musical performance is that's going to be at the Coronation. Plus, we have another guest coming up, someone who's in the music business, I guess. You really jumped up there. Music business! Music business!

Episode 800 is off to a... Rollicking. Rollicking start. This is where it all began. People are going to say like, what was your introduction to the show? Episode 800, of course. Episode 800, obviously. Slash one. Yeah, exactly. That's when I started. Did you ever listen to any of the old ones? Not a single one. No, never. And I never will. There's nothing redeeming in them at all.

All right. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more with Jason Manzoukas. We're going to have more with Byron Denniston. Plus another special guest. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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years or older. Terms and conditions apply. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Jason Manzoukas is here of the daily evening item. So this is a newspaper that only had one thing in it. Yes. Every day. One item. Here's the thing you should know. Single issue paper.

We also have Byron Denniston, who is a royal watcher. He's been on the show several times before this. 800 times. I just counted. You've been on 800 times? I've been on the show 800 times. Wouldn't surprise me. I don't pay attention. But welcome back to the show for your 800th appearance.

And Byron, are you going to be at the coronation? Well, I'm not quite sure. It all depends on where Megan's going. If Megan's going to the coronation, I'll sort of pat myself into one of her trunks. So you're focused on Megan. Is that pretty much? I would say yes. Because you were watching others, right, before this? I've watched many others. I've watched some of the lesser royals, Lady Amelia. Wow.

Right. But I just sort of ran into some trouble there. But, you know, I've watched a lot of the – I really enjoy watching the young ladies. And then – He really just came out with it. Just if you let him talk enough, he really just walks himself right into it. They just seem to be up to the most interesting things. And so, yes, it's really been Megan for a while now. And so I've sort of decided – And you have no problem with the fact that she's American, right?

No. Somehow there's something about those eyes that just, they're hypnotic and it's just wonderful. It's wonderful. She's a wonderful princess. Wonderful. Well, incredible. Now, before the break, you said you had some exciting news about who was going to perform at the coronation. Yes. Do you know Prince Charles? I do, yes. He's the guy who's going to be king. Well, he is king. I'm sorry. I misspoke. King Charles III is a tremendous fan of cats.

And he, of the musical, not the animals at all. Does he like the animals? I don't think so at all, no. Weird to like the musical without liking the animals. Well, I think he feels that the musical takes the piss out of the animal a bit. I wonder if people are allergic to the musical at all. You don't also have to take the piss out of the animal. The animal will get rid of it. Yeah, yeah. Boy, we've learned that the hard way here. Oh, yeah. The Ackerman compound. Oh, my God.

But the composer of Cats is a fellow by the name of Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, and he has been asked- I hate to interrupt. What? But he is not a sir. Oh. He's a lord. A lord. That's what I said. What did you say? Oh.

No, I said Lord. Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber. What? No, I said Lord. Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber. Oh, maybe you're confused because maybe you said Andrew Lord Webber or something. I think you must have said sir. But he's a lord and he has been asked by King Charles to compose an original song for the event of the coronation.

Wow, that's exciting news. For one of the cats? I don't know if it'll be, I don't know anything about it. Yeah, will it be James Corden as the cat? But you know who I've brought along to explain it? Who? The Lord himself! Oh my gosh! Andrew Lloyd Webber! Hello! As I live and breathe! My dear boy, how long has it been since we laid eyes upon each other?

Can you say, and now I'm done after every sentence? And now I'm done. Okay, thank you so much. I couldn't even tell you, at least a year or so, right? Yes, at least a year. And now I'm done. And now I'm not done. Okay. Now you can't force it there, boy. You cannot force it. I can't force it, and now I'm done? You can't force it, now I'm done. We are reunited, and it feels so good.

No, I'm done. Okay, thank you so much. Well, it's so wonderful to see you, Lord Webber. It's wonderful to see you. I'm Jason Manzoukas. Wow, what a delight. I don't think we've ever met, and it's an honor. You've never been on the show? Of course we've met, my friend. Of course we've met. Well, I mean, we hang out together. Yes, we do. An email went around some time ago where everyone was meant to be BCC'd, but we were CC'd, and that is how I came to have Andrew Lloyd Webber's email address. Oh.

And so I email him all the time. And on this occasion. Wait, who was sending that email? Neil Armstrong. Neil Armstrong. Neil Armstrong.

Boy, the people he knows. No, I know. Yeah. Yes, the American astronaut. Right. You're an American astronaut. One of the star sailors. Why was he emailing you, if you don't mind me asking? He wanted me to write a song about the moon. Oh, really? He accidentally copied his entire address book. He was older, so, you know, it makes sense. He hit A and everything else filled in. Did you end up writing the song?

Yes, I did. Wow. Can we hear a little bit? Absolutely. Yeah.

Open the sky, there sits an orb. We see it every night. It looks upon us with remorse. It does not understand our plight. The moon cries for you. The moon sheds a tear. The moon

Moon blows, it flows on a tissue, looking down at your fair. And then the trumpets come in, and then the saxophones, and then the cellos, and then the piccolos, and then the mini piccolos.

Wow. Incredible. I am confident and comfortable saying that's the best Andrew Lloyd Webber song I've heard in 25 years. It's very good. Thank you. It's actually very good. It's as good as anything you wrote for Les Miserables.

Which is my favorite of your musicals. My absolute favorite of all the Lloyd Perry musicals. Now, I've grown to tolerate you. We've become... Because we are united in our love for the royal family. But not only did you misunderstand my rank...

No, no, no. That was Scott, I believe. My stature? I am a baron. Andrew Lloyd Webber. A peer of the realm? Yes. But I did not write Les Miserables. Oh, you must add, though. It's so wonderful. Do you think I wrote all musicals? Do you think Rent is one of mine? Didn't you write 42nd Street? Well, that was an accident. Oh, right. I'd forgotten it was an existing musical.

You just wrote it verbatim. There were some significant differences, but for the most part, it was, well, it took place on 41st Street. But for the most part, yes, it was identical in every single way. Did you write Nights in White Satin?

I wish. Did you write that canned heat song? Do you know which one I'm talking about? I'm going up the country. Maybe don't you want to go. Why wasn't that guy just sick? I didn't write that song, but I did tell him to sing like that. I did tell him to sing like that. That does sound like a little like Shimmy sings that song. I said at

Sing it as though you're in a can and it's very hot. What a good idea. I also suggested they change the name to Tinned Heat. Ah, yes, of course. So, Lord Webber, you are writing this song for the coronation. Yes, a great honor. Can it be about any subject or does it have to be about the coronation? It must be.

about the coronation of his majesty, King Charles III. And will this song, forgive me, and maybe this is what- I mean, I can go off on tangents, yes. Is this song going to be sung by Elton John? Is this in conjunction with, or is this two separate things? Pardon me.

Oh, wow. No, it was most decidedly not to be. I want to be Andrew. The members just fell. Inverted comma. Sir. Inverted comma. Are you still upset that Tim Rice started writing musicals with Elton John instead of you? I say, let the devil take the booth.

I'm so sorry. No, I mean, Tim Rice went to much success with Elton John. Yes, but he had to be around Elton John. That would be a musical I would watch. The devil taking both Tim Rice and Elton John. Well, I say stick around for a year because I have something to give you. Episode 900. Really?

You know how you can challenge the devil to some sort of a contest, right? Wouldn't it be something to see a songwriting contest between Tim Rice and Elton John versus the devil? Who might write a better song? That'd be great. The devil wouldn't even need to cheat. Although I bet he would like start playing his electric guitar and pretend it's a fiddle. Or his violin, you know, you know, devil went down to Georgia. Well, that's what I mean is like, suddenly he's like, oh, I'm playing my, that's exactly right. Do you know the song that went down to Georgia? Sorry.

Because he starts playing. Tell me about it. Is that one of yours? That's one of yours, isn't it? The devil went down. Charles Daniels gone.

I guess I'm not as familiar as I thought I was with your work. Next you'll accuse me of writing, take this job and then shove it by Jonathan Paycheck. Oh, Mr. Jonathan Paycheck. He was recently knighted. He was recently knighted, yeah. He was originally born in England. They'll knight anyone, it seems. You know. Yes, he was looking for a silver to steal. He was in a bind. He was way behind. And he was looking to make a deal. Way behind on what?

Souls? Souls, but like he has a quota? He's his own boss. Yeah, who's he answering to? Don't you care about what you do? I guess. Should the devil be any different? He has pride. He has pride in his workmanship. Yes, he set a goal for himself and he wants to meet it. Pride is a sin. That's right. And who better to proceed than the devil himself? That's right. So it makes sense.

It makes eminence. Yes. Anyway, he starts playing his fiddle, but it sounds like a guitar. He goes... Johnny, the fiddle player, has only his fiddle. Sure. The devil has a fiddle, led to imagine, sounds exactly like an electric guitar, and a full backing band. Seems unfair, and yet... He is the devil. But... But the devil, as honorable as ever, concedes the battle and says, yes, yes.

You have won. You objectively played better than I did. True. However, there is a sequel song. Did you know that? I didn't know that. There is a sequel song to The Devil Went Down to Georgia. What's that called? Just a few years ago. I think it's called The Devil Went Down to Georgia Again. And it's... It's that simple? It's that simple. And there's a whole lot. It's a star-studded array of... Should we hear some of it? I think... Why not? Okay. Let's just...

See what we got. Oh, there's an ad for Chrome. First, this is not the song. I thought it would sound more country musical. You don't subscribe to it? Oh no, you're Victrono, dear me. I spilled water on things. Okay, we're almost done with the ad. There's no place like Chrome is what it says. That sounds like a song that would be played in the entrance of Chappie. What? There's no place like Chrome.

So the song starts in the middle. Well, it's the sequel, so you know how it's done. Yeah, this is like previously on. Yeah, you don't need it. The Devil is Out of Georgia. A little recap. It's been 10 long years since the devil laid his fiddle. This is Johnny Cash. This is Johnny Cash. The way he suffered that defeat. In the darkest pits of hell, the devil hatched an evil plan. See that? Not so magnanimous after all. He's just a mortal man. The sin of pride, the devil pride, is what we call...

I'm proud. I thought we had this settled. I'm the best it's ever been. Johnny, did you ever know the time keeps on going? I forget who plays Johnny in this one. I was going to say, who's the young voice? All right, I can't. Lance Cohen? Someone like that. Yeah. But yeah, sequel song. Does the devil win this time? I believe so, yes. Oh, good. He takes Johnny Cash to hell? Well, he is Johnny Cash. Yes, Johnny Cash. Oh, Johnny Cash. This is the role of Satan himself. Oh, wow. Who better? Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm, the man in black. The man, that's right. So mysterious. And you know, he said he would wear black because the suffering of man was still so much with us. And until every person was free, he would wear black. Johnny Cash said this? Yes, but I think it was because he was a little tubby. Yeah, he was very slimming. Black is slimming. Very slimming. Yeah.

Do you feel like Johnny Cash would have been ideal casting for any of the roles? Johnny Dadbot is what he should have been called. He had the Proto Dadbot. They should come out with Borg 9 in appearance. They should come out with posthumous albums just as Johnny Dadbot and just see what happens.

You could do it with deep fakes. Just Johnny Dad bod, you know, have him tour the whole thing. I wouldn't mind seeing some sort of a face-off between Johnny Cash and Johnny Paycheck. That's right. Where they swap faces? Yes, where they swap faces. A face-off? Would you rather have a check or cash? You know. Always cash. Holy shit. What if any plastic went up against a teddy paper?

Johnny Credit Card gets involved. Eddie Money. Eddie Money. Yeah, he can be involved. Kevin Venmo. Jim PayPal.

Just Samuel, I believe you had a question earlier. Oh, it's me. And I have to get you the job account at the day. I don't care. Let's pass it. So you're doing this song. Yes, it's my honor to do so. Have you written it yet or are you still noodling on some ideas? I'm in the process of it, but I don't know what I'm going to do. What's that? This is a little tricky. Please cut this part out of the podcast. Oh,

Uh, sure. Do I? Yeah, we're, I mean, I'm sure that our editing machine is fixed by now. If not, we'll figure it out. Because little Reggie Dwight is going to be there. Elton John. Now, they say that he got his name, his stage name, because he was on the toilet when he thought of it. Is that true? No, but that's, I started that rumor. Oh, okay. Yes.

What kind of a man names himself after a toilet? We don't even use that term. That's why it seems so unbelievable. But I do it to take root here. Because Americans will believe anything. Just like the gerbil thing with Richard Gerbil. I started that with Richard Gerbil. I said, you know the chap Richard Gerbil? You know in The Pretty Woman. He's got seven gallons of fever. Sir Rod Stewart, you mean? The Pretty Woman poster. Did you know the original thing said Richard Gerbil and they crossed out the B-I-L and put an E?

Really? Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Wow. That's so interesting. What else happened with it? That was the end of the story as far as I heard. But yeah. Any sort of changes to Julia Roberts' name or was it always Julia Roberts right from the start?

Okay, so- Robert's hamster. So you have some ideas for the song. Yes, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to rewrite one of my own songs. Oh, wow. You've written so many great songs. Just like Elton John did with Candle in the Wind. Exactly. He's written one song twice about two different dead people.

Yeah? So I'm going to rewrite one of mine about a living person. His majesty controls the world. Is your original about a dead person? No, it's about... No, well, it's not. It's about a living person. Okay, so you're rewriting one song about two living... Although a fictional character that presumably we can assume is by now dead. Oh, okay, so... May I suggest? I have a suggestion. Well, I already have it. All right. But go ahead. No, but I want to see. No, go... No, you go. No, go ahead and suggest. Shouldn't it be King Charles III Superstar? Yeah!

See, I wrote that with Tim Rice. Oh, okay. You're trying to get him out of it. Because I will have to pay royalties for the tune if I use that. Right. But given how Christ- Just like Weird Al, he gets the rights to the melody. Oh, does he? Yes, he does. People think he doesn't, but he does. How does he do that? He asks them. He says, may I do a song of yours? And they can say yes or no. And if they say yes, then they bargain the price. Oh, okay.

Are you familiar with the Coolio saga? Oh, yes, yes, yes. I understand they reconciled. Yes, they have. They have reconciled. On his deathbed. It was a real Bill Murray Ivan Wright. He's like, the one person I want to see is weird Al. Harold Ramis. Coolio said, please, send words to a weird Al. I must see him. I have not long.

Bring him onto my chamber. Please, Al. Bring me the weirdest of Al. Please, Red Al, draw the curtains in my eyes. The light is so bright. Tell no one what has transpired, Garth. Take my hand, old friend. Enemy is no more. As this my last hour approaches, there is nothing in my heart but love. Now then.

Full reset. I'm going to take the song, The Phantom of the Opera, which is one of mine, Byron. That's one of yours. It's about a fictional living person we can presume is dead. So Cake Boss could probably talk to him. Who?

Oh, another guy we know. All right. So I just have the very beginning. Tell me what you think. Because if you like this, then I'll keep going. If you don't like it, it's back to the dry ball. Oh, my God. A lot of pressure. A lot of pressure on us. Okay. I will retreat to my chalkboard and then take a gummy and go to sleep. Okay. Didn't realize that was part of your process. I have to use gummies now. What I'm more shocked by is that you still write all of your songs on a chalkboard.

Well, I do automatic writing. You see, I write. Sure. I work primarily in my dreams. Oh, wow. And so the chalkboard. It's like the Matilda chalkboard where it writes like you dream it and the chalkboard writes it? No, that's magical. Oh, okay. I wish. Have you seen the Matilda musical? I have, yes. Not to talk about another musical. That's one of yours, isn't it? I'll allow it. You wrote that one, right? That's not Byron. What?

I hate musicals. Truly. No offense, Andrew Lloyd Webber. Most. But I've seen of your life, of your work. Why is it you hate of your work? I think I've only seen in theaters. Starlight Express. Maybe that's the one that turned you off of music. And ever since then, I was like, no more musicals. But I will say my finest. I loved Matilda the music.

Yeah, it's fantastic. Now, why is it that you believe you hate musicals? Because, by serious, no one truly does. They tell themselves that. Here's what it is for me. I oftentimes find, boy, I'm enjoying this play. Mm-hmm.

And then everything stops to sing a song and it doesn't hold my interest anymore. Are you trying to say that the play Oklahoma would be better without the music in it? I would like it to just be the story of the people of Oklahoma. Worth a try. I put it to you. Yes. That if you were to watch the style of acting that's in musicals uninterrupted by songs, you would go mad. Yeah.

That's the kind of acting, that's the acting that was exciting to me. I base most of my work on how people act in musicals when they're not. Your work is the character of Jason Manzoukas? Correct. But you would not have your problem with a Lord Webber production because there's no dialogue in a Lord Webber production.

- Right into the songs, all songs. - Almost an opera. - So you never have a moment to say I'm enjoying this. - You're right, you're right. And that's why yours are just the greatest. - Yes. - There you go. - You are redeemed. - Especially Starlight Express, which was all on rollers. - You see, it was trains. And so all the actors are on rollers. - No, we, yeah, we understand. - To simulate the motion of a train. - Oh no, we understand. - Yes, we understand.

This was pre-Rollerblades, too. Yeah. Is that what put it out of business? This is how Rollerblades were invented. Okay, I thought...

I found this on the web for this is pre-order blades to waiters that will come in our business. Check it out. Who's talking? Who's this? Who's this? Siri. Madam, show yourself. How is it in our headphones? Who is that woman? This is all going through. Look, I had a problem with this a couple of weeks ago. What is going on? Could that be the Phantom 8 of the studio? This is... I had a problem with this a couple of weeks ago. My good friend August Lid helped me figure it out. I put it on Do Not Disturb, but it still activates...

This woman? I don't even want to say her name. I wonder what we said that triggered it. I don't know. Triggered much, Siri? Oh, no, I said it. Oh, no.

You should disable her across all devices. This is like saying, what's up, hot dog or something. Oh, no. Oh, no. Hey, what's going on, guys? Oh, shit. Do you use that phrase the same way you use? Hey, Siri. Oh, shit. I didn't mean to do that. What's the weather going to be tomorrow? Well, it's going to be perfect water skiing weather. Hey, hot dog. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you here. Oh, you didn't? Uh.

You can stick around, though. I was right in the middle of an epic water skiing session, which is why I'm so wet and wearing my bathing trunks. Are you the hot dog? Why, yeah. Who are you? I'm Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber. I'm a songwriter after a fashion, and of course I've heard of you because water skiing is very much a rich person's sport. Ha ha ha!

Well, you need a boat. You do need a boat. And it's got to be able to get up to at least 27 miles per hour. Correct. So that's got to be a pretty good boat. Well, bless my button. Such a pleasure to see you in person. It's wonderful. Yeah, it's great. Good to meet you. I beg your pardon? Have you ever written a musical about water skiing? Oh, I've tried so many times. You have? It's very difficult. Nothing rhymes with water ski. That's the problem, right? Okay.

That's exactly the problem. It's the only thing holding me back. Oh, man. Also, they won't let me flood a theater. It's also interesting. That's the biggest problem. It's interesting you've written one about trains. Why not things like boats and things that move on water? Yeah, exactly. You've taken over the land. Why not sea? Well, I was afraid I was going to change the course of mankind. Do you know what you call a...

In England, it's called madness glue. But I believe here it's called crazy glue. Oh, crazy glue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They call it madness glue. Madness glue. And it was originally created to stitch wounds on the battlefield. Right, yes. Because it sticks better to skin than it does absolutely anything else. Right, that's right. Well, I developed roller blades.

for Sunite Express. They didn't exist prior to that musical. Really? I thought they were on the typical skates, but they were on rollerblades. They were on prototypical rollerblades. And you yourself invented those. That's incredible. I did. I said, these wheels, what if they were in a line? That's... I was the first person to wear rollerblades on water skis. Could you say my name backwards so I can go back? I don't think so. We have to take a break.

Hot Dog, you can stick around, right? Shall I sing the beginning of the song very quickly? Just the beginning. This is all I have. Okay. All right. You sure you don't want to do it after the break? Because this is quite a tease. I do, because it's very brief. Okay, here we go. I don't think... They can't hold up to the scrutiny of happening after the break? A whole segment. Okay. King Charles, the king of all the princes now is here. What do you think? That's all you have?

I told you. Not even inside my mind? What is the Phantom of the Opera song? The Phantom of the Opera is here. Oh, it is? Oh, okay. I just wanted to make sure. I just want to point out. What was your other guess? I didn't know if that was literally is here is the same as it doesn't matter. I don't know the song. Well, he says goodbye, England's Rose. He says goodbye, Norbert Jean. So I'm doing what he did.

What were you going to say, Hot Dog? Right in front of his face. I'm not mad at you. Hot Dog, what were you going to say? I was just going to point out that nothing there rhymed. So... You could do a musical about water skiing. You really want a musical about water skiing? More than anything, man. Do you want it, man? Water skiing needs...

needs this, man. Why wouldn't you want Sean Anata to do that? Oh, that would be awesome. Hot dog, I have some exciting news for you, by the way. I'm going to tell you after the break. So you have to stick around. You have to stick around, okay? And Byron, you can stick around as well? Absolutely. Oh, yes, I'm still here. Yeah. Yes, you are. We haven't talked to you in a while. Me too. Oh, Jimmy's still here too. Gotta go.

Anyway, he's gone. But we will come right back. We'll be right back with more Jason Manzoukas. You'll have it off me if I can stick around. Can you stick around, please? Yes. Thank you so much. We'll be right back with more Jason Manzoukas, more Byron Deniston, more Hot Dog, more Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, maybe Shimmy. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bank after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Jason Manzoukas of The Dictator and Infinite. Also the ticking talking man. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. John Wick 4 is coming out in a week or so. Coming out soon. Yeah. Incredible. And you're not in that. I am not in that. Right. Okay. But I'm thrilled that I will be there opening night. That's right. Which animal will be killed in this one? Oh,

Oh, wait. It was dogs in the last one. I think it's dogs in all of them. Oh, right. He cannot keep a dog. I think he shouldn't be allowed to have a dog. I think he should be investigated the way they investigated Ellen. No, no. They've only killed the one dog. Is that what led to her downfall? Ellen just gave away some dogs. And everybody was like, no. A government agency said you may not do that, Ellen. You can't give away dogs these days.

No, you can't. You got to keep every dog you get? If you become- I thought it was like take a penny, leave a penny. If you become- Did you really think that Scott Trigg? No. I was just trying to be cool. Well, it was pretty cool. Check this out. Speaking of cool, Hot Dog is here. Now, Hot Dog, do you feel that a musical- This is based on your previous statement before we went to the break. Oh. Do you think that the first line of a musical, any line in a musical, there must be several rhymes within that line? Oh.

All I'm saying is your reason for not doing a musical about water skiing is that nothing rhymes with water skiing, but nothing rhymes with here. But I haven't got... Now, Hottington, you cannot be serious. The line you just said, King Charles of England of the Britons is here, that doesn't have a rhyme. Not yet. Oh.

- You're very much in the present, but you have to project your mind into the future. That's how a song is written. - What is the second line of the Phantom of the Opera song? - Inside your mind.

Inside your mind? What does that rhyme with? So the phantom of the opera is here inside your mind? Sometimes you have to wait. Does the plague take place inside one's mind? Good question. That's a good question. No one has ever. You've cracked it. It's all like some sort of twisted fantasy in whose mind? Is this the same elsewhere? Yes.

Is Phantom of the Opera a Saint Elsewhere situation? It is a figment of someone's imagination? It is the Saint Elsewhere situation. Interesting. In the writing, there are clues. It's the exact same little boy. The exact same boy? Looking at a different snowing globe. Oh, wow. With like...

Snow covering someone's half. There's a snow globe that has a hideously scarred man. Wow. And snow is covering half his face. He was tricking a woman into having a relationship. The Phantom of the Opera was originally written for Harry Mandel and Ed Begley Jr., wasn't it? Yes, it was. And the young Denzel Washington. They could not figure out how the Phantom would inflate a surgical glove.

While wearing his mask. So he did that cartoon instead. Yes. And what's interesting is that he goes on to deal or no deal with Meghan Markle. Yes. Wow. Circular. Oh, by the way, Byron Denniston is here. Circular. That's what I say when I look at a circle. Much like the surgical glove would become when Harry Maddow would inflate it with his nostrils. That's right. Byron. Yes. Yes.

I want you to tell hot dog. But isn't it funny? Yes. That's how I meant Dallas, a famous phobe of Jones. And yet a surgical mask used in a, in a most unsanitary way, a surgical glove. What is more sanitary than a surgical glove? Yes. What is less sanitary than a surgical glove filled with mucus, but his own mucus.

Is that any better? I don't know. I have no idea. He's making a mockery of everything. That's right. That's my point. I would like to know if those gloves were then used in surgery or not. I understand he donated them, but I don't think he had any takers. Oh, I see. And he kept them all. All right. Very good. Does he have more than 800 of them?

do you think? Oh yes. He has to. He had to get him practiced as well. He's like Copperfield. He's got like a museum storage facility in Vegas that's just gloves. Just gloves. Archived gloves. Date, show. Let me tell you.

The people of England will never forgive the magician David Copperfield for taking that name from our own Charles Dickens. I see. I see. Interesting. You can't just go around doing that. You're right. Well, he doesn't have a lot of fans in America either because he made our Statue of Liberty disappear. Oh, did it ever come back? No. It's still gone? Really? I didn't know that. Have the French stepped up and said, we'll give you another one, but this is the final one? I don't think so. No. No.

That'd be nice. I've water skied the Hudson all around the island. You haven't, you've never come across the statue? Never bumped into it. You know, I'm quest. I'm wondering, have you as a Sean enough and ever investigated whether or not Chris angel is earth's angel?

This is a good question, hot dog. I mean, because we've talked about Shauna and- So much, and the angels, and angels coming to Earth. Earth's angel, and Criss Angel might be the angel here just waiting to be activated. He could be mind-freezing us the whole time. It's like, holy shit. Sleeper cell. Sleeper cell? Yes. That would be huge. Huge if true. Agreed. Agreed. Agreed.

Well, Hot Dog, this is what I wanted to tell you about. Our friend Byron over here. By the way, Byron, hello. Byron told us about some exciting news about the coronation. Do you know what the coronation is, Hot Dog? No. Oh, there's this, the monarchy. Do you know what that is? No. Queen? May I tell him? Yes, yes. You see, Hot Dog, in my country, England, we have a king. But...

He's not officially the king until they put the crown upon his head. Who's ruling the country, by the way? Well, the prime minister, but let's not get into that. So they put the crown upon his head, and then his divine blood is activated. And he comes into his full powers of divine rights. Well put.

So doesn't that sound exciting, hot dog? Really cool. Yeah, man. Yeah. Well, so there's like a big, it's a ceremony, but it's almost like a, it's like a music festival. Have you ever been to a music festival? Oh yeah. Yeah. Out, you know, Dana point with a battle of bands out on the barge. Exactly. Yeah. So there's, it's kind of like the battle of the bands, except these bands are like Elton John and,

and Van Morrison and a moody blues tribute band singing Procol Harum singing Procol Harum that sounds amazing that was your idea I said we well if we can't have both bands laughing

Why don't we have a Moody Blues tribute band doing a tribute to Procolaro? In front of... As the Moody Blues. Oh, got it, got it. This sounds like the Malt Shop Memories Cruise. It's like that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're able to bring malts on that? No. Oh, okay. I wondered. No way, man. What, do you think there's a refrigeration on the boat? I have no idea. See, this is the thing. We don't know. You can't plug anything in.

dear boy. That's what I thought. It's too much water. Boats have had ice forever. Titanic, all of it. It's like, but it's melting at this point. It's part of the whole boat thing. The Titanic iceberg has to have melted by now, right? Yes. Into the ice that supplies for the drinks. No, for the ice. It makes the ice for all the drinks on all the cruise ships. Oh, okay. But there's no ice. Boats and ice are the original frenemies. So,

Anyway, there's this big like battle of the bands going on while they're putting the crown on this guy. And one of the bands that's going to be there, Byron, you just tell him because this is your news. I don't want to spoil it. Well, it's going to be Roger Waters. Which one? Oh, no, no. Oh, Sean. Oh, no. Whoa. Yeah.

Yeah, Woe is right. No, no, no. It's going to be playing the coronation for the king. Shit, I got to get over there. Yeah. Do you have a passport, Hot Dog? You don't need one if you water ski across. That's true. If you enter by water, you're off on a boat. There's nothing they can do. I usually just hitch up to the back of the Queen Mary and make the trip over there.

To England. Southampton. Sure. You go the long way. I go New York to Southampton. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Water ski the whole way, baby. Yeah. So, yeah, that's happening in May. May 6th, I think, Byron. There's plenty of time to get there by way of water skiing. Yeah. That's what I heard. And I cannot please Hotting Dog if this is not true. Don't be angry at me. Please don't shoot an arrow through the heart of the one who delivers the message. Yeah.

No, all right. I've heard it's going to be every original member of Sean and Dahl. Oh, no way, no way, no way. It's going to be John Bowser. No way, no way. It's going to be Dirty Dad. What? It's going to be Screamer Scott. Both guys. They go to the base suits.

Bowser, there's no way they'll get Bowser back in the China. Bowser hates them, right? Yeah, I mean, there's so much bad blood. How could it possibly happen? But he loves the king. Of course he does. Of course he does. Because he found himself the king of China. Well, he was. He was. And then he was...

violently overthrown. Yeah. You can see he has some sympathy for his majesty. This is crazy. I got to get over there. I got to be a part of this, man. You have to. Do you think you'll be able to perform with him? I have to figure out a way to do it. I got to get myself on stage to perform for the king of something. I say, would you like to be my plus one for the coronation? Whoa! This is incredible. Yeah, man!

Absolutely. I'm going to bring my water skis. You don't need to bring, well, it's not water skis. You don't need to bring water skis. It's an indoor event. For the most part, but it is landlocked. It's a landlocked event. So a wetsuit might not work. Yeah. A wetsuit might work with a bow tie. Sort of like that James Bond thing where he takes off the wetsuit and there's like a tuxedo underneath. But what if I arrived by way of water skiing down the Thames? Yeah.

Do you know it's illegal to water ski down the Thames? Because the water is so filthy. If you were to splash any water on anyone else, it's a capital offense. You would be put to death. Yes, they'll have you at the dock at the old Bailey. And then you go to the hangman's noose. What a way to go though, man.

And they make you drink a glass of Tim's water. Oh, no. So what kills you? The hangman? The docks? The hangman just watches. Okay, the water kills you. Oh, okay. They make him still be there. That's...

He doesn't need to be there. It's just wasteful. He's getting paid. He's on the clock. I know. I think he gets paid by the day. And so that way, you know, it gives him something. And they still put him in the black horde, you know, with the iron cut out of there. Yes. No one has any idea what he looks like. None whatsoever. What does he look like? Are they famous? Is it like the Masked Singer where there's famous people underneath the hangman's nose sometimes? Sometimes. Sometimes.

Sometimes. One time, I remember one time hearing about an execution. It was two executions with hoods. And I said, that's anti-deck. Of course. And then it turned out to be one. Yeah, really? I called it. Of course. It has been Rudy Giuliani a time or two. Yes, it has. A time or two. A time or two. One time, Sarah Brightman. I couldn't say a word to anyone. Oh, your old flame, of course. I've never gotten to do it. Really? You should. You should kill someone. I would love to.

What do you mean? I mean, be the hangman or whatever. Oh, yes. I thought you meant... I'm not saying... You thought I'd never gotten to be executed, which I haven't. And I don't wish... You should be able to execute an execution. Yes. I feel like... If you're a lord, you should be able to kill one person per year. Don't you think? Oh, it used to be that way. It used to be that way. You'd have your pick.

Yeah. You could just pick among the commoners? Back in the day, they'd have a peasant parade and you'd walk through and you'd look at someone and say, he looks disrespectful and you'd be able to kill him. And then they would say, are you sure? This is your one. Oh.

Would the peasants do the parade knowing one of them was going to be killed? Oh, yes, yes. They knew that place back then. Right. Wow. Yes. Incredible. Well, hot dog, this is, I mean, quite an opportunity to be Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber's plus one at the coronation. I mean. And to have the opportunity to water ski down the Thames and be killed for it. I've got to be honest. All parts of this are amazing. This is so exciting for hot dog, but I've got to imagine that this is eating Byron Denniston alive.

I know. That he is not invited. Oh. And Andrew Lloyd Webber just gave away his plus one. To Hot Dog, who just showed up. Byron, forgive me. I didn't mean to be so cruel. I'm a bit in a state of shock. I was sort of thinking maybe once the microphones were off, I might sidle up and say, any plans for your plus one? But here it's been dispensed already. A little late. I mean, yes. Yes. Fortune favors the brave, as Matt Damon once said.

Did he? Yes. About crypto. Yes. Really? Yes. And he was dead right about it. Boy, oh boy. I get all my advice from him. Those brave crypto people, they were bold enough to fool people into thinking that there was going to be a new system of money. And it worked. They are now rich with real money. Ha ha!

Well, I'm going to have to get in there some other way, I suppose, you know. But I have a few ideas. I could go in sort of inside Elton John's piano. I say, I like that idea. Yes, yes, yes. And stay in there so that he can't play it.

We just hear the dull thud of the hammers against humid flesh. There's a moment in the coronation where the king is obscured from the public by a golden cloth. Yes. What? Anointed with an oil made of secret ingredients. The holy chrism. Mm. Yes. Really? The holy jism? Yes.

Well, it's an oil made of secret ingredients that is procured behind a golden cloth. So it's juice. One may presume there is a healthy amount of Steven and Idiot. Like the lion's share of Steven. This is mostly just juice. But there's also

Fumes and spices. Frankincense and myrrh. The Colonel Sanders spices? Nine of the 11. Oh, okay. It's the odd 9-11. Inside job. Inside a golden clock. That's right.

The Archbishop is the only one who can see behind that, the golden cloth back there. Archbishop of Canterbury. But yes, yes, but why? Well, then that's trustworthy because they're never up to any wrongdoing. Well, Byron, maybe you could be the plus one of someone else. Like there has to be someone else coming, like another royal. Like, wasn't there someone that you were...

very fond of. Or weren't you dating? Yeah, weren't you dating someone? I can't remember the details. Was it Lady Amelia? Yes, yes, yes. But I... It all becomes very complicated with her. She sort of has this boyfriend, a fellow by the name of... Oh! Goes by the Greys, and it's... What did you say? What? Please don't mention his name. Oh. Mr. Lloyd Webber, you have dealings with this... Mr. Oh, okay.

I apologize, Lord Webber. I know this is your friend, too. I don't know why I'm apologizing. I'm called Mr. and a dog's age. Mr. Lord Webber is your father. Please call me Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber.

All right. Lord and Lord Webber. Close enough. You have dealings with this fellow? I have avoided dealings with him. He is well known in our circles. He's a terrifying man. Awful. Isn't he awful? He's so scary. Who, the Grizz? Yes, the Grizz. We've met him before. He's pretty charming, actually. You've met the Grizz? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we've met the Grizz. He's a water polo player, right? Is that what he's famous for? We met him in the pool. He's a water polo instructor. Oh, that's right. He has defeated me in multiple duels up to now for the hand of Lady Amelia, and it's absolutely humiliating. Byron, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Byron.

It's terrible. But for that reason alone, I really, I don't want to entangle myself with either of them anymore. I'd much rather get smuggled in in a piano. So you don't want anything to do with Lady Amelia anymore? Of course I do, but I... What is that, chortling? What is that, chortling? What is chortling? I hear it somewhere. I also hear chortling. I hear a faint chortling.

Down here. Down here? Is that what... Hot dog, did you say that? Did you just say down here? I don't think so. Maybe. You know what? Should we look down the hill? I guess. I mean, right now, I've just been looking straight ahead this entire show, not even looking at any of you. Should we look... Should we turn our heads? Maybe we should look up. No? Nothing up there. You great pillock. Down here. Down here.

Should we look behind us? I think we should look down. You think we should look down? Under the table? I think we should look under the table. You don't think we should do all directions except down first? Just to make sure. If anyone were going to be- Process of elimination. Is there a time minimum for these episodes? I know there's no maximum. We just hit it. Episode 800, you said 800 minutes. That's right. Yeah, we're just at the beginning.

Let's look down. Oh, my God. The Grizz. You thought I was a glass of water, but no. The Grizz. I will say I've been trying to drink out of what I now realize is the Grizz the whole time. Did you get anything? I got zero. Grizz, how did you disguise yourself as a glass of water? You have the powers to do that as a water polo instructor? I was...

This bloke poured me into his glass, didn't he? What? I came out through the drain. He has the power to become water. Oh, like Bruce Lee. I can travel through any water conveyance. That's right. Like Pennywise. Like Zane? Yeah. Of Zane and Jaina? Zane and Jaina. Zane and Jaina. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Interesting. You're like Pennywise.

Pennywise, do you ever see him down there? A little nasty looking clown? Do you mean the clown?

They call him Pennywise, not Pound Foolish. No. The name of the book's it. It's not Pennywise. I know. They should have called it Pennywise. The movie's called it. Every version's been called it. It's the clown. This is a clown that can go through the drain as well? Yeah, he has the powers of a water polo instructor. He lives in the drain. Oh, really? He doesn't teach anybody to walk a polo at all. And he's not royal at all. No, he just eats fear.

Grizz, what are you doing here? By the way, this is Andrew Lloyd Webber. Oh, hello there, Grizz. Oh, you guys have met. I forgot. Yeah, Grizz, you know Andrew. No, we haven't had the pleasure. Oh, boy. This is uncomfortable. More of a Tim Rice fan, meself. No, don't. Oh, boy.

No, Grizz. I agree. He's wonderful. He's terrific. Wow. That's not what you were saying about Tim Rice before. LW is cratering in front of the Grizz. Bangkok, Oriental City, back of my neck, getting dirty and gritty in it.

Yes. That's from Chess, the musical Tim Rice wrote with the men of ABBA. Yes, I know. He would pay for the musical full time. Yeah, it's a proper musical, that one. That's not what he was saying before, Grizz. I have to say, I'm sorry to blow up your spot, Andrew Lloyd Webber, but you were saying that you hated Tim Rice. And didn't you, Andrew Lloyd Webber, say that you wrote Les Miserables? I don't know.

Oh, that was Byron. Oh, right. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah. I didn't write Les Miserables. Oh, no, no. You said that he wrote Les Miserables. Oh, oh, yeah. Byron Denniston. Oh, dear me. Now, as I live and breathe. Now, I've been trying to hide behind the microphone stand. It's his catchphrase. Byron Denniston, as I live and breathe.

You knew you were going to hear it sooner or later. Listen, the Chris, I don't want any trouble with you at all, all right? Forget it. I'm getting to the coronation another way. I have no desire to challenge you for the hand of Lady Amelia anymore. I can't stand the humiliation. I can't stand it anymore. Well, fair play to you. Oh, really? I'm glad to hear it. Oh, I'm sorry.

And I suppose I'll see you at the coronation. Yes. If you know where it actually is. What? Won't it take place at the Abbey? Westminster Abbey? Oh, if that's what you think, then yeah, that's where it takes place. Westminster Abbey. Westminster. It's taking place somewhere else. Oh, you didn't hear that from me. This is a fake coronation? Yes.

Oh, my God. A decoy coronation. Decoy coronation. Decorations. Of course. No wonder I know all about Operation Golden Orb. I can't believe they used that one. All right, then. Seems my only way to get there is on the arm of Lady Amelia. Well...

That's not going to be possible, boy. Oh, you don't think so? Lady Amelia's not going to the coronation. Where's she going? She's staying at home. She's going to watch EastEnders. Oh, why? She's binging it and she's almost caught up to real time. There's so much of it. Are there 800 of those? I wish she'd be done by now. Oh, there's more.

Wait, does that mean you have a plus one? I do. Oh, my goodness. This would be a weird turn of events if suddenly you were Grizz's plus one. Not weird at all, I don't think. I think it'd be lovely. What a turn up for the books. We could put all of our past differences aside and simply sort of tenders together. We could, I suppose. I suppose we could. Or...

You could tell me what it's worth to you to go to the coronation and watch those royals at the most royal event possible. Oh, my God. Even more royal than a royal wedding. A coronation? The royalist of all royal events. It's the number one royalist thing with a bullet. The passing of the scepter and the orb. There hasn't been one for, what, 80, 90 years? Yes. There may not be another one for another, who knows? Two years. Three months. Three months.

My God, I've got to be at this one. I will say it is crazy that Lady Amelia is almost about to finish EastEnders because they have 5,180 episodes. I know. She's been staying up day and night, popped a black coffee. She's been taking Fen-Phen. I don't know where she found it. I get it. That's what I'm doing just to finish Bosh. LAUGHTER

You've got a feeling and you can't let go. So what's it worth to you, Byron? I mean... Yeah, Byron, what's it worth to you? The question... My least favorite theme song. Oh, I love it. I love the theme song. You've got a feeling and you can't let go? Yeah. I've only watched the show perfectly. He does somehow. He loves jazz. Let's make this the theme song. Let's make this the theme song.

How's it go? I've only watched one episode. Play it. Yeah, play it. Theme song to boss? All right. I don't understand what that is. Siri. What was that? Siri played the theme song to boss. Who said that? And then played the sequel to the theme song to boss. Oh, yeah. That's even better. All right.

All right. Here we go. Boss legacy theme song. Here we go. Oh, no. There's a Clean My Mac X ad. First. Maybe you should pay attention to that one, mate. What? Do you not subscribe to YouTube? No. I'm going to skip ad. Okay. Here we go. Theme song to Bosch. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. He loves jazz. That was in the episode I watched. This is nuts. Nineties don't cold train or something. Yes.

It's got a violin in it. Are there violins in jazz? This theme and Justified are the worst themes for the best show. I like the Justified one. No. Okay, I can't listen to this. It's terrible. It only needs a rap break. That's the only thing it's missing. Well, my name is Bosh, and I'm here to say I'm in Virginia City, I'm in LA. Good dishwasher, though. You have to admit it's...

The dishwasher? The Bosch? The brand Bosch? Oh, sure. The European. Yeah, sure, Biden. Sure. Do you know why they call it that? Why? Because it cleans the dishes in a flash. It says, dishes are done. Bosch. Yeah, it says. The crime is dirty dishes. Bosch solves the problem. Every time. Every time. So by the way, dirty dishes are the disease.

Byron, how do we work this out for you? Grizz, what do you want? I mean, the thing is really that it's worth everything. I can't think of anything that wouldn't be worth to get to be there in the room when the golden cloth is held over the king and the Archbishop of Canterbury ejaculates him. I'd be there for absolutely... On his face? Yes, yes. Oh, God. Well, Byron. What do you want? Maybe I could make a deal with you. All right. You see, I'm...

I'm in a bind and I'm way behind. And I wonder, what if you were to offer me your immortal soul? Holy shit. Byron, this is reminding me of something we talked about earlier in the episode. What is that? What is this? The coronation. Yeah. What? This is reminding me of the coronation. We're still talking about it. Oh, I'm sorry. I zoned out for a minute. Of course, he's reminding you of it. You're still talking about it? We're continuing the conversation. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I was zoning out.

What do you say, Byron? Put it on paper. Your immortal soul belongs to the Grizz. Let's work this out, Jason. Let's see. If he sells his soul... To the Grizz. To the Grizz. And then Sha-na-na...

Everything in Shauna now comes true. The earth angel, Chris angel ascending to the throne. Everyone gets a job. Everyone gets a job. Slaves to the hand jive. Everybody's doing the hand jive. The moon turns blue. All of the, all of it. Just pestilence. Everything. Sure. So where does that then leave Byron soul?

- Well, here's my question. Up until this very moment, I have operated from the belief that Byron doesn't have a soul. - Oh, interesting. - Come now. You think he's just a soulless husk?

That's what I feel like he's been searching for. Well, he's pathetic, but he doesn't lack a soul. All right, fine. Okay, okay, okay. Do you have a soul? We should just ask him. He's right here. Clearly, this is Byron's soul, not hot dogs. Right, yeah. Byron, you have a soul, don't you? I believe so. I don't recall ever selling it or doing anything else with it. I believe I have a soul. We used to think in the old days, of course, all of the nobles thought that the peasants lacked souls. The commoners were just sort of shell-bred.

God chose the royals. Yeah. And not the peasants. The peasants. It's just not in their blood. Maybe your soul isn't worth anything and this is a good trade. Oh, no. It's worth something to me. Oh, wow. Really? Why are you so behind, Grizz? Hmm. Yeah. What's the trouble you're in? Um.

It's the pool. It's got algae. Oh, this makes sense. So are you just going to sell my soul on to the next buyer? Like to a pool cleaner? Do you bundle all the souls together and sell them en masse? No, no, no. There's only one soul I'm interested in. And it's bar and tennis tins. Oh, really? Why, why, why? What are you going to do with it, old Riz? Oh, would you really like to know? Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I'd like to know. If not him, I would like to. Well, you know that the royals get up to some monkey business? I guess. I don't know what you mean by that. Supernatural in that? Oh, sure. Divine, right? Yeah. There's a lot more going on than just God saying you can be king. Wow. Really? What is going on? Someone also gets to be the devil himself.

What? And that's what you want? The devil also. There's divine right and there's satanic right. On the day of the coronation, the king is crowned by divine right and the devil is crowned as well? Yes. Oh, my God. And the price is just one human soul? Just one human soul. Wow. But what becomes of me? I mean, when you die, um...

Go to hell, I suppose. And you'll be in charge of hell? And is it your intention to make hell on Earth? Have I told you about this already? No, I'm just curious. Yeah, I don't think this ever came up on any of your previous appearances. I only ask because we are also currently also talking about Earth receiving angels because of Sha Na Na. Sha Na Na! Yeah.

The Doo-Wop Group. Yeah, they're going to be at the coronation. Shanna Nair's going to be at the coronation, man. Oh, Ben Woodstock. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Had a brief variety show run on CBS. Not so brief, really, when you think about it. John Bowser Bauman hosted. How many episodes? Was it 800 episodes? Oh, yeah.

I'll start correcting. John Bowser Bowman, he hosted the match game Hollywood Squares Hour. That's right. And he's returning. He's going to be back. He's returning to the lineup. No, they got Bowser to return to Sean O'Neill. They did. If you can believe it. I can't believe it either. Dirty Dad will be there. Dirty Dad will be there. Not both guys in the gold lamé suits. Both of them. Both of them. I'm starting to think that perhaps they...

They knew that you were going to try and crown yourself the new devil. And so they brought Shaanana. Are they trying to intercede? Just to bring the earth angels to do battle. Are they doing a Shaanana block? Yes.

Whoa. Sha Na Na for the block. Yeah, for the block. For the block. Not a block of Sha Na Na. No, that's what I mean. Which is what I initially thought. Yeah, yeah. No. Yes, Sha Na Na for the block. Not a BLO. It's not Double Shot Tuesday. No, no. They're doing Sha Na Na for the block and Sha Na Na is trying to get crowned as Satan?

Oh, man, this is crazy. Shadonai wants to be Satan? To have a whole group of Satanists? It's ridiculous. They split up the powers of Satan between how many of them are there? Particularly if Bowser's back in the group. He's just the Sandman? Yeah.

I don't know. Well, look, let me say this. I will challenge you to a contest of some sort. And if you win, you may have my soul. You've already challenged him to a water polo contest. You lost that. And a duel, yes. Byron, don't do this. Listen to Lord Webber here. Well, but perhaps I can have... You sounded like Woody Allen for a second. Listen to Lord Webber here.

here. But in that way that in a fight to the death you can have someone stand in for you, I think it should be a song composing contest and I'll have Lord Lloyd Webber stand in for me. What's this now? You've made me your second hand stand in?

Yes! And then you'll defeat the Grizz, and then I'll be able to hang on to my soul and still be able to go to the Coronation. That'll be the deal. I'll still be your plus one. Okay. Is that right, Webber? You're going to defeat the Grizz. The Grizz, eh?

I said, they don't mean any offense. But you know, rules are rules. And he's asked me in such a noble way that I must not refuse. Grizz, have you ever written a song before? I mean, Lord Webber's written a ton of them. How odd could it be? I guess that's a good point. To be honest, we've heard what Lloyd Webber has going on so far. Not great. He's only got one line. He's got one line. Let me just say, Grizz. That was a very specific instance. Grizz, I'd be willing to be your second. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

So Hot Dog versus Andrew Lloyd Webber in a songwriting contest? Who are you? Hot Dog. I'm Hot Dog. Hot Dog. You must have seen him in some of the water you've been in. He water skis. Legend of water skis. Wait, let me get under you and take a look out. Oh, you!

I'm a legend of water skiing and an aspiring doo-wop singer. So, yeah, I thought those were your feet, mate. But you're on sausages. Yeah, he's water skiing on sausages. I'm the only person currently in the continental United States who skis on sausages. There's some in Hawaii. If you are somebody who has only been listening to 800 and on in the past, hot dogs skied on sausages. That's right.

So I think we have a contest here. Lord Webber versus hot dog in a songwriting contest for the soul of Byron Denniston. Wow. Wow. And access to the coronation. The real coronation. The stakes could not be higher. I suppose. Byron, yes, I will accept. Who goes first? Who goes first? This is because normally in the song.

uh devil went down georgia the loser goes first right and then the winner goes second are we gonna do usually in the song are they what's that usually in that song but then sometimes it gets switched up in my mind are we gonna do the songs now or is that in the next episode i i don't know i think we should uh do it now you're all here right so let's let's do this all right

All right. I think no time like the present. It's in the moment. Hot dog, do you want to go first here? Well, I mean, how do we just write a song? Did you say the loser goes first? No, I'm just saying the song. Should we do it after a break? No, we've taken all the breaks we have. What? We can do it after plugs. There's no breaks left? Sorry, we could do it after plugs. Do you want to do it after plugs? No, no, I just was going to. I'll be honest with you. Ever since this whole idea came up, I've been working mentally on my song, and I feel bad.

Pretty ready to like... Okay. Give it a subject. You already have a song written. Oh, you can give us a subject. You want to give us a subject? I'll work it into what I've already done. You'll just work it into it. You already have a vision, I suppose. Go ahead. Are you ready? And I'll have to catch up. All right, everybody. This is for the soul of Byron Janiston. Go on then, Otto. Here we go. Wow. Wow.

Holy shit. Really good. Lord, Andrew Lloyd Webber, that has got to really rattle you. Yeah. It's so good. First blood. Amazing. You look, you just. You look chastened. Flop sweat. You look. So concise. Nervous. Yeah. That's the piece I've auditioned with over 58 times for the group shine on up.

So it's pretty well-honed. I gotta tell you, except I obviously updated it and rewrote it for this event. Maybe you could take something out of the trunk, you know, and just sort of adapt it. Oh, I don't have to go off the dome? Yeah, exactly. Or something from the tank. Yes, exactly. Lord Webber, this is for Byron Denniston's soul. Please, Lord Webber, please. Make it as good as the good ones. Make it like your work up till, what, 84? Something like that.

All right, here we go. From the Tim Rice. Yes. Something good. Oh, no. Why did I say that? I'm trying to do this for you, Byron. Yes, yes. I'm sorry. Burke. Here we go. Byron's the best. I do say yes. To the coronation he will go. Byron's the best.

Wow.

Just a reminder. It's pretty clear it's hot dog. Hot dog! Hot dog! Hot dog! Hot dog! Oh wait, where's the judges? We don't have to be chanting hot dog. I did it because I wanted to. No need to shout. I forget, who was I playing for? I...

- You were playing for the Grizz. - All right. - That's right, well done. - Congratulations Grizz, you've won the duel. - And to you Byron, we're so sorry about your soul. - Yeah. - Yes. - When do you get it? Do you get it right now or do you get it when he dies? What happens? - Do you feel different? - Yes, I do. I do, I feel like less of a man. - I'm sorry Byron, old thing. I really did think that was going to do. The trick, it came from Starlight Express. - Was that what it was from? - Yes, I just did a weird owl.

Oh, I was thinking you might have chosen a veto. Yeah, or like cats memory or something like that. Starlight Express is my favorite. Really? Yeah. I forgot it's no one else's. Yeah. Well, thank you for the effort. Now I don't get to go to the coronation. Is that right? Oh, well, I mean, I still have a plus one. Oh, really? So I can go. But you don't have a soul anymore. It wouldn't do. It's the coronation. Hot dog is your plus one.

Yeah. The hot dog is my plus one. Oh, that's right. I'm sorry. I'm getting very confused. No, I'm Andrew Lloyd Webber's plus one. That's right. Of course you are, hot dog. Yeah. That's going to be great. Sorry, I got confused. I knew the whole time. So we didn't even need the song contest. Everybody's going. No, Grizz. Grizz was going to take. The song contest was for the soul. Was for the soul. But are you still going to take him?

Hot dog? No. Byron. You guys could both take me as your plus one. That'd be cool. Everybody wants to hang with hot dogs. I'll take Byron, yeah. Maybe you could take his skis as your plus one. Don't talk to me today. So the Grizz is going to take Byron Denniston as his plus one? Yeah. Oh, that's so generous considering. No, I'm doing it to rub his face in it. Oh, that's good.

All right, Byron. Well, congratulations. Well, thank you. That's quite all right. You're going to the coronation. You don't have a soul anymore. I will spend, apparently, eternity being tormented by the grizz in, you know, Lake of Fire and all that. But it will be great to see that coronation up close. Yeah, wow. Congratulations. Thank you. Oh, sorry. I forgot to tell you. Hmm.

Plus ones have to go in the runoff area. The what area? The runoff area. It's a sort of room with folding chairs and you can watch on a screen, but it's not very good angle. You can't really see a lot of it, but... But you'll be there...

at the place where it's happening. You can say you're at the coronation. I can, really. But when people ask you what you saw, you'll have to say a bunch of paper plates and, you know, cheap wine. And I watched it really on the television like anyone else anywhere else in the world. It's not a great telly either. It's not.

It's like an old school one. It's a tube. It's a tube. It's a rear projection. May I say, sir? You are less ethical than the devil. It's a finished basement. But as long as it's finished.

The devil went down to Georgia. That devil was more ethical than you, sir. You've changed the deal after the contest, haven't you? Byron, you wound me. Still, he's a great devil. I mean, this is what the devil would do in this situation. Not like that song, you know? I suppose so. Yeah. Well, congratulations, Byron. I mean, you're going. I am going. It feels like a Pyrrhic victory. Pyrrhic? Yeah.

Yeah. I thought you said pirate victory. I thought pirate as well. It feels like a pirate victory, you know? A total pirate victory for Byron Denniston here. Pirates are never really happy, you know? It's a rough life. Yeah, being a pirate doesn't buy you happiness. No, it doesn't. That's true. So it's a real pirate victory. Wow. Well, guys, this is incredible. Holy cow. I mean, what a day. So much has happened. We are running out of time. Would that surprise you, Andrew Lloyd Webber? It is.

would surprise me if there was ever time for any of this in the first place. All right. We only have time for one final feature. That's, of course, a little something called plugs. Don't you want to know what they're doing? What will be your show? Are they choosing? You want to be a fan? So listen to Scott Achenbach. He's whispering. Hey, dog. Dog.

Hey, that was a Hey Nong Man by Zachariah Smith. Love it. Love it. Thank you so much, Zachariah. I love the Hey Nong Man song. Yeah, wonderful. He had your second, the song. Zachariah Smith, you had him as the second Byron. Yes, that would have been fantastic. Yeah. Do you think he would have won? No.

Yeah, I think he would have won at that point. For sure. Yeah, definitely. Although Hot Dogs is really good. Could we hear it one more time? Okay, yeah. Ah, yeah, that would have won. I must admit, I'm jealous. I wish that was our national anthem. Yeah. Do-do-do-do-wah or the Zachariah Smith song? No, no, no. The Hot Dogs song? Yeah, definitely. I don't understand your national anthem. It doesn't mention the president...

The owl of the national anthem mentions the king straight away. And isn't it like a weird owl of an already existing English song as well? Your national anthem? Yes. Yes. An English drinking song. Yeah. You know, we can't just do that. It gets pretty racist. Okay. All right, guys. What are we plugging? Jason, do you have anything to plug? I mean, I'll plug the How Did This Get Made podcast. Why not? Right here on Earwolf.

Have you done 800 of those? No, we have not. No, we have not. Do you think you ever will?

You know, I don't know. Well, you know, we don't, we do half as many as you. Yeah. We do episodes and then 0.5 episodes. You can't just explain not doing as many episodes by saying, well, we do less. Yeah, I know. I mean, we don't do a week. I hate you. I know you do less. That's why you have less. So we've got that. We've got live shows coming up. Check that out. I hate you. Okay. So, so much.

Oh, you know what, though? I will say, if you're not already on CBB World, get yourself to CBB World and listen to the Bob Duca Full Throttle with Bob Duca podcast. Yes, that's right. Absolutely. We need another one. I have a very small part in it, but it is some of the funniest shit I've ever heard. That plus Hey Randy, Tim Baltz's show, absolutely is terrible. There's a lot of great stuff on it. A lot of great stuff. Your network. There was an Alimony Tony's Valimony Shoney recently. Really? Okay, I haven't heard that. Yeah.

And Byron, what do you want to plug? Well, I have a podcast called The Royal Roundup with Byron Denniston. Oh, really? Where can people access that? Well, in the States, you can find it on patreon.com slash Andy Daly, whoever that is. But that's the only place I think that it's available. He's a gatekeeper of your work. Is that right? You've got to stop him from keeping your stuff all to himself. I don't know. I challenged him to a songwriting contest and he ended up with my podcast. You've got to stop challenging people to songwriting contests. I guess so.

Andrew Lloyd Webber, what do you want to plug? Paul F. Tompkins dot com slash live. So easy to say.

I just said it. Yeah, you said it. I haven't said it. Those sound like they could be lyrics. Paul F. Tompkins dot com slash live. Why did you do this? That's better than his duet of Duval. That would have beaten the Hot Dog Song. You think that would have beaten it? Yeah. Of course it would have. What kind of a question is that? Byron, Byron, come on. You know what? Without a soul, you're feisty. Yeah. I think I'm allowed to be a bit angry under the circumstances. Ha ha.

That's where people can access live episodes, previous shows, as well as- They may see live performance dates upcoming, and they may also see archived previous shows. Fantastic. I got to roll up my sleeves and spend some time there. Definitely. Hot Dog, what do you want to watch?

Well, I am still going to water ski behind the Malt Shop Memories cruise ship, even though apparently... No malts. Apparently no malts. Yeah, sorry. Were you hoping there'd be malts and you were water skiing behind it that they would, like, throw the leftover malts? I was hoping every once in a while I'd hold up my hand and somebody would throw a malt to me. I think the clue is in the name Malt Shop Memories. Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. I never even thought about that. That's what most of the cruise is about is just, like, fond remembrances. Of Malt Skis.

Gone by. And some unpleasant reviews. Grizz, what do you want to plug? I'd like to plug water. Of course. Let me in it. I love it. No place I'd rather be than water. Ah, fantastic.

I want to plug, hey, the Comedy Bang Bang book is coming out in just a few scant weeks. We have a copy right here. We've been flipping through it during the show and flipping through the pages like it's a vagina. If this is your first episode, I'm sorry that you had to hear that, but that is a reference. Most unfortunate call. But that comes out very soon. You can order it wherever you get books or all the links are up at cbbworld.com slash book.

And we're doing a couple of live shows in New York to promote it. We're doing Comedy Bang Bang, the podcast, the book, the...

book release event. I believe comedy podcast, comedy, comedy, bang, bang. No, Janie had had podcast. That's a callback to something else. Oh, is it a different job? Different job.

So it's Comedy Bang Bang, the podcast, the book, the book release event. Yes. The podcast, the book, the book release event. The podcast, the book, the book release event. Exactly, my boy. Now you've got it. I think you've got it. That's right. Will the book release event also be a podcast?

Maybe. I have no idea. Will those be recorded and then released as episodes? Probably. Why not monetize everything? The podcast, the book, the book release event, the podcast. The podcast, yes. Good. I swear if we release them as podcasts, they'll be called that. I think she's got it. What if that was about COVID? If my fair lady was about COVID? If they repurpose it. I think she's got it. For a modern audience. I think she's got it. She's got it. Yes.

I think that's brain fog. And while you're, like Jason said, while you're over there at cbbworld.com, check out all of the shows we have. If you're only listening to Comedy Bang Bang, you're only getting half the story. All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

Okay.

Oh yeah, that was closed. The plug bag boyfriend remix.

by Chris Finke. Thank you so much to Chris Finke. And speaking of thank you so much. Finke? Taking time out of doing Doughboy's drops. Oh, does he do Doughboy's drops? Yeah. Oh, he's trying to get on with it. Nice try, Finke. We're on to you. If it's Finke, it ain't stinky. Is that what they say? That's for free. All right. You can have that.

I want to thank you so much, Jason. So great to see you. Thanks for being part of all of the 800 episodes, either directly or indirectly. A lot of people don't know I've been here for every episode. Only some do you turn my mic on. That's right. You and Reggie Watts. Reggie Watts leaves at the beginning of the episode. I'm here for the whole episode. You stay the entire time. But you just sometimes you put it on, sometimes you put it off. Yep. And today we had you on.

I appreciate it. So thrilled. Thank you so much for being here. Byron, great to have you on the show. Wonderful to be here. Yeah. So sorry that you are soulless at this point.

Hmm. Yes, that is unfortunate. Come to think of it all, in all, I wish I hadn't come. Oh, I'm sorry. But I'm used to hearing that after the end of each show, so no problem. Andrew Lloyd Webber, always wonderful to see you. Scott Rick, so lovely to see you. Thank you for having me on this momentous occasion. And Grizz, what more needs to be said? Nothing. Nobody beats him. Yeah, nobody beats you. Nobody beats the Grizz. That's right. And Hot Dog. Yeah. Yeah.

What's up? Oh, now I can go. Oh, that's right. Do you want me to say your name backwards? Yes, please. Dogtahal. So long. All right. I see. Speaking of so long, we'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Bye.

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