EP 03 - Darshana Ne Darshaya Pyar
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Hello people, this is Darshana Jain. Today I am going to share my first crush's story. But before that, I want to share with you that not all stories have a happy ending. But also not a sad one. So it was 17th October 2013. That day was my brother's birthday and that's when I remember I saw him for the first time.

I knew him from the start that my brother is a childhood friend and best friend. So I always listened to him. But never saw him. So that day, he was in my notice. I don't know if this sounds fair but there was a spark between us. A strong feeling. But I didn't know that he was only from my side. So that day, I didn't do anything. I just kept him in my notice.

His behaviour, his actions, his smile, everything felt so different and unusually attractive. Although I agree, he wasn't special in appearance, but there was something different about him. For me. I didn't think much and let him go because he was just my brother's friend.

So an year went by and I didn't think much about it. Then 17th October 2014, my brother's birthday again and I knew I'd see him again. So I waited patiently. I didn't know why I was waiting for him but I mean of course yaar, first time tha so it was a strange feeling. I'd comfort myself ki nahi yaar, aisey bhus attractive lag raha hoga but jitna bhi rop lo bho aur pasand aane laga. So usd, maine usse baat karne ki koshish ki but

I was shy enough to even greet a fellow properly. So, there was a whole group of brother's friends. And in the meantime, I had to go and serve food. So, I was trying to serve food from his side. I...

I don't know, I just wanted to feed him the food so that he can eat it properly. I was happy. He was happy. I was happy too, seeing him smile. I felt that I've never known this person before. We are not bonded by any relation. But ultimately, how come my emotions synced with his? How did my mood start changing according to his mood? It was strange. It was a strange thing, an unusual thing.

So, that day too, I let it go. I was just scared. I wanted to be sure of my feelings. So, I let it go. I didn't share it with anyone because I didn't have much friends then. I just didn't want to do it. I was just ashamed that I didn't want to do it.

So, 2015, 17 October. One more year passed. I kept thinking about him. I started liking him more. I used to indirectly ask my brother, like, man, tell me about him. How are your friends? And so on.

And my brother used to come daily and share his story with me. I used to ask him everyday stories because I knew that friend was involved in his everyday life. So I knew that I would get to know more about him. As I listened, I got to know him completely. He didn't know me but I got to know him well.

I knew that he didn't know anything about me. For that, of course, friend's sister, so he didn't notice, right? And I didn't expect that he would notice me. But I still felt like, man, I wish he would notice me. Then 2016, 17th October again. I knew that I would meet him on every birthday. So, I used to be very excited for birthdays all year round.

2016, when he came, we spent a little time together. Not the whole group, but we started to know each other more. That day, I got to know more about my Phoenix. I was more sure that I liked him. So, I didn't have the guts to tell him. So, I told my younger sister. My younger sister... I don't remember it so well, but maybe my younger sister told my brother. Or something like that.

So he said to me that he likes me. He didn't interfere in between. He was just like, he supported. It was strange, okay? He supported. So even that day, I didn't have the guts to tell him that I like him and all. But somewhere in my mind, I was like, tell me. Who knows, he might also do that. Who knows, it was both sides, not one side.

Then, days went by. 1st November 2016. I proposed. Yes, I did.

you know how he came home to play and then he left but he forgot his bag at home when he left i was thinking that god send him back today so that i can talk to him again and ultimately call came that he forgot his bag at home he is coming to take it it was shocking for me it was like god has given an opportunity to use it take it so when he came home i gave him his bag still

So I let him go that time too. But as soon as he went halfway, I called out, hey, stop. And then he stopped. I went to him. I said, I want to tell you something. He said, tell me quickly because he was getting very late. So I said, I like you. Yes, I did propose. I said, I like you.

And then he was shut for a minute. And he said that he will send a reply to my brother. So when my brother came home, I was waiting for that. I don't know, I didn't prepare for no. But when he came home and said no, I felt very bad.

he said he wanted time he didn't want to do this at the moment so yeah i understood three days later he called and he said i'm so sorry darshana things will not happen the way i want and everything blah blah blah tried to comfort me but the comfort was very painful because i knew ultimately he was not doing it he didn't like me so fine

I let it go. I tried to propose him again and again. And every time he rejected me. He said in front of everyone that no, I don't like you. He could have told me privately. I just started feeling bad for him. The more he refused, the stronger my feelings got. I don't know. Very...

So, one day, I was very tired. Like, I don't know, I was very hurt. So, I cried in front of my mom. And I told her that, man, the one I like, I don't like. My mom explained to me that my mom is so beautiful.

It's worth it that I don't cry for anyone else. But still, nothing worked. I loved him. And since 2013, 2020 came. By then, it was a lot. Then one day, I heard that he has a girlfriend. The day I found out, I cried a lot. A lot. Even though I knew that he wasn't mine, but I wasn't ready for his girlfriend. So, when I understood that he has a girlfriend, I still liked him a lot. And I thought that when he breaks up, I'll always be there to support him, to comfort him.

And he just fought me that move on. So 2020 it was. I tried to move on. After 2 years, 2022. When he broke up. I don't know. I cried a lot. I felt very bad. Then I messaged him. I tried to comfort him. I know he felt comfortable. And he shared with me. Then he started liking me. I mean my crush. Who I didn't like till 2013. And I didn't like till 2002.

That person started loving me. It was too late, you know. It was too late. I knew that it can't be done now. So, it was like, I know that I had become a poet because of that person. But it couldn't be done. Everything was too broken. Everything was already messed up. It couldn't be cleaned now. So, I let it go. I said that no, I can't come now.

So we made a decision to be friends, to stay friends, to come into contact at times, etc. But you know, everything, I felt like, why didn't he come so long when he came now, it's too late now. Still, I knew that if he came now, he wouldn't be mine anymore.

So I just let him go as a lesson. Good lesson. But if you'd say, I still have that soft corner for him. That if he's still hurting, I'll be there for him. But as a girlfriend, I can never be again. So this is my story. My first crush, which I never got. But he gave me a very good lesson. It was a good one from this side. But a sad one from one side of love. Thank you.

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