How to heal your inner child and attract healthy love.
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I've got a story time, and I think some of you will be able to relate to this. It's a feeling that got brought up recently for me, and it activated this whole feeling of not being safe and not feeling safe in my body. And the reason I knew I didn't feel safe is because when I was doing a lot of healing work in Bali...

I felt very grounded in my body and I felt very calm and my nervous system was at ease and I felt a lot of peace. And the community I had built around me, the people I had around me, the women I had in my field made me feel safe because they were able to hold my energy safely. They were able to make me feel loved and appreciated and valued.

And my friends that I met there and the relationships that I created there, I'm forever grateful for because for the first time in my life, I felt like I wasn't running away from anything. I felt like for the first time in my life, I was really at home within. For most of my life, I do feel like I've always had the sense of wanting to run away and escape.

And this started very early on in childhood. I have a very deep core memory of me as a child threatening my parents to run away. And I would do this often where I would pack a mini suitcase as a child and then threatened to leave and walk out of my dad's office back door and

expect them to chase after me and expect them to tell me to stay home. I remember there was this one time where I was like, I'm leaving, I'm leaving. And I packed a suitcase, was probably like six or seven years old. I ran out the door and I ran all the way down the driveway and no one came after me. And I'm laughing because obviously it's so...

bittersweet and sad to think back on these memories and think back to my younger self and how I just always wanted to be valued and adored and seen. I think children want to just be seen by their caregivers and by the people and adults that they have around them in childhood. We have so many tools and resources nowadays that help us understand parenting dynamics and how to take care of our children and how to be an

act certain ways. We know a lot more about psychology and how parenting develops us as children, and it really does affect our adulthood. We have so much access to these resources now, but back in the day, we didn't have the tools we have now. And

to be completely honest, I think for the most part, I had an amazing childhood and I'm so grateful for it. And the experiences I had, I grew up in a very comfortable, safe environment for the most part. I had a beautiful house. I had beautiful experiences. I had an amazing family. I had an

clearly did the best they could. From everything that I remember, my parents loved and adored me and my brothers so much. Not a lot of people have that privilege growing up, which I understand. But there were definitely ups

a lot of moments, I remember I wasn't being emotionally attended to the way I needed to be. And it's something that I've had to unpack recently because as I've observed myself dating other people and surrounding myself with certain people and relationships and friendships, I've realized this pattern that I've had of

always trying to escape and run away or date people who are extremely unavailable where I know that they're going to leave or I'm going to leave or there's going to be some sort of escape route. I just had this one core memory of me running down the driveway and no one came after me. So I was like, wow. I remember just feeling like no one noticed that I was gone. And

I think my parents were busy. Like my dad was working. My mom was probably cooking something. It's not that no one actually noticed that I wasn't gone, but I was trying so hard all the time. I remember to get validated by my mom and dad and to get their attention and they were busy, you know, and I don't think they understood what they were doing in real time. They did give me a lot of love. They did give me a lot of care and they,

as I said, they did the best they could. But I remember just feeling like I was always craving more. I was always craving more emotions. And I just wanted to be seen. And I think that's something when I eventually have children, I am very aware of this concept of children wanting to be seen. And knowing from personal experience how I felt, I think it really does affect

the way we live and it affects how our relationships play out, especially romantically. So I brought this up because as I've gotten older and I have...

experience many different types of romantic relationships. There have been certain instances where I felt unsafe and I felt like either someone was running away from me or I was running away from them. Hot and cold energy. And it's common. A lot of people experience this dynamic. But I'm starting to realize where it came from, right? So it's just fascinating

fascinating to me to unpack. And on today's episode, I really wanted to dive into this concept of healing your inner child and what it means to really heal your inner child and be aware of these cycles and patterns and to actually address them in a really positive, healthy way and see everything is a really big blessing because everything is here to teach us more about ourselves. Everything is here to really help us grow and learn. And I'm

here to also break generational trauma and curses and things that maybe my parents went through from their parents that they don't even consciously realize may have affected the way that me and my brothers grew up. So on today's episode, I'm going to be covering this concept of how to really heal your inner child and do things that are going to make you feel safe and grounded in your body and in your nervous system. And I'm also going to give you a story time because this specific

situation really had me thinking and I'm going to talk about it. So there was a guy that I met and there are a lot of people that have come and gone into my life. Some people make me feel safe and warm, like I'm being hugged by their energy. And then other people make me feel like I'm having an out of body, chaotic, stressful experience where I'm

my soul literally leaves my body and I can't function and I can't think straight. There's two different types of people, okay? There's people that can rattle you to your core and make you feel on edge and give you anxiety and bring you out of body. And then there's people that are going to ground you and make you feel entirely safe in their company. And like you could truly be yourself and tell them anything. And you know that your emotions and everything you're feeling are completely safe and you're very seen and you feel seen.

So there was this guy and anytime he would come near me, like anytime he would

show up. I don't want to get into the full details, but he was appearing in my reality, in my energetic field. And he appeared on several occasions. Every time I would see him, my body would go into fight or flight. Every time I would see this specific person, my body would literally freak out physically. I would just start spiraling for no reason. Like,

I would just see him and my whole brain would explode. And I'd feel like I was in actual fight or flight mode where my adrenaline started rushing. I don't know what it was chemically, but when I was near him, it was like he took all of my energetic power out of my body. It felt like my soul was leaving my body every time I saw him.

And it was so hard for me to even have a normal conversation with him or be in his presence because every time I would try to interact with him or see him, I would feel this way physically. This is someone I dated for six months. I don't know how it worked.

lasted as long as it did because I was constantly on edge and so anxious and nervous around him. And I still to this day don't know why, but he just had that effect on me. I was so attracted to him and I...

And I would always have to get drunk or high. I don't know if this is TMI, but in order to fully hang out with him and be like somewhat normal, which is not like me at all. I was in this rebellious phase where I was like, in order to feel safe, I have to drink in front of this person. In order to feel somewhat regulated and grounded, I have to smoke before I hang out with this person. And I'm not...

into that. I'm not into drugs. I'm not into drinking. I'm not big on it. So for me to actually

have to do this in order to see this person was absolutely insane. At the same time, I was extremely attracted to him. So this was just this weird, interesting dating experience that I had. I remember every time I would see this person sober, I just couldn't handle it. Like I would stutter over my words. I would not be able to make full eye contact with him. I just couldn't be myself.

And with anyone else, I could be totally fine and calm and grounded and normal. But with this one person, I couldn't be myself. So after learning a lot about energy and, you know, different energies and people and dynamics, I realized the reason I probably felt so off around this person and so out of body is because my nervous system was screaming at me that it's not safe. He's not safe.

I didn't understand what that meant. But when I was doing a lot of my healing work and when I was really unpacking everything, when I was in Bali and doing tons of work on my mental health and my spiritual health and really diving into my past, I realized that this person represented me.

The same feeling I had when I was younger where I felt like I wasn't being emotionally seen. This guy that I was seeing was very emotionally dormant. He was very, very, very logical and had zero sense of emotion around me. Okay. So I loved his brain in the sense of he was extremely intelligent and funny and charismatic.

and attractive. But when it came to emotional depth, I couldn't get through to him at all. There was no accessibility into his emotional world. The thing about that is I don't even think he was aware of that. I don't even think it was something where he was like, oh, you know, emotionally closed off because of all these things that happened to me. I think that's just who he was. So it

It wasn't really an issue for me because I just accept people for who they are and I'm not going to unpack people's emotions for them or try to make them more emotional than they are. I just see people for who they are, accept them for who they are and...

hope that it works out between us. So as I did a lot of healing work, I realized that the feeling I got around him was the same feeling I would get in childhood where I felt like I wasn't connecting emotionally, which made me feel unsafe, which made me feel out of body, which made me feel like I

I wasn't being seen. So that was a while ago. This relationship situation was in my 20s. Okay, I'm in my 30s now. Bear this in mind. This was a while ago. Recently, I met someone that I don't know how or why this happened, but I met a man who somehow triggered the same feeling again.

years later out of me. And just because you've done a lot of healing work, it doesn't mean that you're done or it doesn't mean that you're not going to still have triggers come up that you're going to have to face. You could do as much healing as you could possibly do. But at the end of the day, we're all still human and I'm still a human being. And this was a big learning experience for me because I thought I was perfect.

past all this shit. I was like, I'm good. I'm grounded. I'm so confident in myself. I'm so secure in myself and my energy. And although most of the time I am, I had someone recently come into my life that rocked the boat again and made me feel that out of body chemical feeling again where I was like

disoriented and dissociated from reality for a hot second. When he would walk into my field and I bumped into him several times, my body would literally go cold and I would lose all train of thought. And

And I was like, I don't know why I feel this way. Like, why is this person, this random person making me feel like this? But after reflecting on it for a moment, I realized it was the same wound, the same thing. That person didn't emotionally see me. So I felt unsafe. My nervous system once again felt unsafe and I felt out of body because that person wasn't emotionally safe.

seeing me. And when you're not emotionally seen for who you are and your soul isn't being seen and you're just being seen as nothing essentially by this other person, that could be triggering because that's going to make you feel unsafe. It's just it's a weird feeling. It's not a good feeling. But also it reminded me of this other guy. It reminded me of my past. It brought up a lot of past feelings. There was this one instance where this guy was

walked into the place I was at and my body went cold and I was in the middle of working on something on my computer and I literally forgot what I was working on. I lost all focus and all train of thought and my brain felt like it was scrambled, like legit scrambled eggs. And I couldn't function for like 20 minutes after seeing this person. And I'm like, what the fuck?

fuck is this? Like, what is this feeling? I'm in my 30s. I'm not a child anymore. Why is this person affecting me like this? But it all comes back to this inner child, this inner child wound that I never dealt with, which

which was grasping at straws for emotional validation and attention. I remember so many instances where I was a child where I did things to please my mom. And I spoke with her about this already. So she listens to this. She knows that I love her and I would never perceive this as something she did intentionally, but I was a

I didn't feel safe enough to tell her I don't want to do that. And I didn't feel emotionally held enough to communicate how I was feeling. I didn't feel emotionally seen. I just felt like I was being held back.

I had to do what I had to do and that was it. But this wound of not feeling emotionally seen is so fascinating to me because I think it also became habitual for me in my relationships. It became addicting almost.

Where I would go for people who didn't have the emotional depth that I have. So I would always be grasping at straws with them, trying to get them to be more emotional and trying to get them to love me more and see me more and validate me more. When number one, of course, I know I can give all of that love to myself now. But number two is you can't force someone to be more emotionally dehumanized.

They're only going to be as deep as they want to be. They're only going to be as in touch with their emotions as they choose to be for themselves. Some people just don't have the emotional depth that you carry. Some people are just not going to have the same heart as you. And that's just how it is. And so I would go for these people who just...

didn't see me the way that I need to be seen. And I know now when I get married and I'm with my husband, I know that the biggest thing for me, one of the biggest, most important pieces of the puzzle for me when I'm married is to be with a man that emotionally sees me for me and knows how I feel and understands how I feel. It's not about just acknowledging, oh, you feel this way. It's about

Really understanding it and feeling it being on the same exact vibrational wavelength as me when it comes to my emotions. There was another experience actually in Bali where I met someone who ended up becoming a friend of mine. I realized I was attached to him in a way, in a weird way,

because he reminded me of my mom. Like, not their personality, but the emotional depth side of things. I don't think my parents are very emotional. I grew up in a very traditional Italian culture, I would say. I'm like, obviously, like, my parents were born in New York, and...

I wasn't raised in Italy, but I feel like the Italian culture in a way is like no emotion, kind of cutthroat. You kind of say what goes. Amazing food, amazing family dinner parties growing up. But with the emotions, it just wasn't deep enough.

if that makes sense. And that's okay. I don't want to say anything negative about my family because I love them and I think, in a way, that's all they knew and that's what they grew up with. So you can't blame anyone, right? But it's just interesting because this one guy that I met, we spent a fair amount of time together and it wasn't romantic.

But it was like I had this weird attachment to him because I almost felt like he reminded me of my mom. Like the dynamic, the energy, and the emotional capacity. It was like this...

feeling almost where like I wanted to keep talking to him and be around him but at the same time I was like this emotional pattern feels weirdly familiar to the point where it's not enough for me in the sense of a romantic relationship I need more I need more depth like I need you to show me I need you to show me that you have feelings for me I need you to take some sort of action to show me how much you actually care and I just wasn't really ever getting there but

But I knew that he did. You know, I knew that he did, but he just wasn't going there. So it was like this really fascinating dynamic that I had never had before with anyone. I could push him and like, you know, pull it out of him. But I think that would have pushed him away. So it was just really interesting. There was this one instance I'll never forget where I...

was passing him on a bike and he didn't see me, but I saw him and I was like, hello, hello, hello, hello. And he didn't see me. And I was literally right next to him and I saw him clearly, but he didn't see me at all. And I know this might be a little like woo woo, but that moment felt very symbolic to me when that happened. Then I had messaged him and I've been like,

I just passed you. You didn't see me. He's like, oh, I didn't see you. And of course, there was no bad intent or anything with him, but it was just so symbolic to me. I just feel like the person that I marry will be able to see me always.

And just see me. It just felt symbolic. And I know that might be too spiritual and I might be, you know, I'm the type of person who thinks very deeply into things, but I'm also very intuitive and connected with my higher self. And that moment to me, it just felt so bizarre because I had been inches from him and he hadn't seen me as I passed by.

So it's all very fascinating, but it ties into this whole concept of not being emotionally seen and feeling unsafe and feeling like my nervous system is not regulated.

around specific people. But yet I keep going for that. I keep attracting that. I keep wanting that because when you've experienced something so early on in your life and a certain emotion and a certain trigger so early on in your life, it can become addicting and it can become something that you don't even realize is a problem or an issue until you're much, much older. And I'm just starting to realize this now. Now I'm getting to this point in my life where I'm realizing I'm

I need to redo the past in a sense. I believe we could rewrite our timelines, rewrite our past and recreate our reality into something entirely different. That's the beauty about life is that we can rewrite the story and it's never too late to fix things and heal things and address things so we can attract better and manifest better and

And something I've really been working on over the last few weeks is understanding where my wounds are because I've had a history of attracting, yes, long-term relationships, but

but always with people that there was no real future with or no real grounding or foundation with. It was always like I knew there was going to be an end point, but I wanted to stay. And I wasn't emotionally seen by any of these people the way that I know I deserve to be seen. I would thrive off of trying to open them up and be like, oh, just like, let's go deep with our emotions. They'd be like, no. I was always...

more complex than the people I would bring into my life and date romantically. And I almost liked it as a project. Like, oh, I can work on this person's emotions and it'll be a really rewarding experience. But you know what that did? That destroyed my peace. It dysregulated my entire nervous system. It made me feel unsafe. It made me feel like,

I was always asking for too much because I was always trying to force people to be someone that they're not and to match my frequency when they just weren't on that level. And overall just drained the fucking life out of me. So now I'm getting to this place where I'm like, how can I heal my inner child? Like, how can I really carry everything I'm learning right now into an episode and also to bring you guys along with me and heal my inner child and rejuvenate?

make this a fun experience instead of being like, oh, I have more healing work to do. Because at first that was my reaction. I was like, I really have had enough with the healing. Sometimes let's normalize just like healing too much. You know, I've done so much. I just don't want to do anymore. But at the end of the day, I'm like, I'm not going to treat this as healing. I'm just going to treat this as me rewriting the story and living out a new chapter of my life. So some things I'm going to do is brainstorm.

bring my inner child into every decision I make now. Would my daughter, for example, if I was around one of those guys that made me feel out of body and unsafe, would I want my inner child? I kind of picture her as my daughter in a way. Would I want her to be around that person? Would that person be a good father or a good father figure? No, probably not.

There is maybe one man that I could think of that would be a really good father that I've dated. But everyone else, I wouldn't want them to be the father of my kids. So now I think of every person that I'm dating. Now when I go into dating, it's like,

like a three-way decision between me, my inner child, and the person I'm dating if we're compatible and if I would really trust them with my inner child. I just picture like a mini version of me sitting next to me. The next thing I'm going to do to address and heal my inner child is to speak to her more, ask her what she needs, and remind her that she's safe. And then

I think one of the most important things that I'm going to do is do activities that she wants to do, which are really still things that I want to do. But I've kind of written off because I'm like, that's silly. Why would I do that? But some things I could think of pottery classes, cooking classes, horseback riding, singing again, because I love to write music. I love to sing. And I did that growing up my whole life. I was in musicals. I was in plays. I was in musical theater. I gave all that up. Horseback riding.

Horseback riding, I also gave up. I used to ride in competitions. So these things that I keep putting off and I keep saying I'm going to do, I'm going to actually do. And then start learning.

living more carelessly, more childlike in the sense of not really giving a fuck what anyone thinks anymore. And I really don't anymore for the most part, but there's still a part of me that's filtered online, I think. And there's still a part of me that's filtered on my Instagram and what I post and being around certain people. But I'm like, what if I just went off the fucking rails and just really just didn't care at

at all, zero filter, full 100% me. If no one was actually in front of me, who would I really be? If no one was in the room, who am I? You know, I think when I was a child, I had more confidence and I had more of a free spirit and I was more sure of my mission. When I was a child, at 10 years old, I was telling my parents, I'm going to do something big. I'm going to do something creative. I'm going to do something different. They were like looking at me like I had 10 heads.

But I knew, I remember I was just a very confident child. I was born knowing I was going to do something different because I just knew. And I think that's also God. I think we're born a certain way. And maybe many of you can relate to this who are listening. I think this community is very special and everyone listening is super special. You feel like you're born different. You feel like you're born to do something big and you're

you're born to make a specific impact and inspire other people and break generational curses and trauma and to be kind of like the black sheep of your family. If you're listening right now, this probably does resonate with you on some level because I know a lot of you in this community feel that way, right? Let's go back to that mentality. When we were a young child, free, careless, truly just

raw authenticity, trying a million things, experimenting with our reality, having such a pure imagination. Also, speaking of pure imagination, I just have to plug this story time in here because it's actually fucking crazy. I asked for a sign of my future husband if he was near in the sense of, will I meet him soon? I asked God for a specific sign

I asked him to show me a sign of Willy Wonka. And the reason I chose Willy Wonka is because I couldn't think of anything more random than Willy Wonka. I wanted it to be so clear that it was from God and that God was listening if my husband was close by to me. Three days ago, I get into an Uber in London and the Willy Wonka movie soundtrack is playing on air.

this guy's radio. There's a huge cross dangling in his windshield and rosary beads. And the song was Pure Imagination. In a world of pure imagination. Okay, that song. Yeah. So that happened. I almost forgot that I had asked God for that sign. I'd almost completely forgot about it. And what

And when I heard it, though, and then I saw the cross, it all clicked. And I was like, whoa, that's crazy. Kind of miraculous and so specific. And God, if you're listening, please, please don't embarrass me, please. I hope it means something. I really do. Because I know God is so good, but it felt like a tease in a way because I'm like, if this is just some sort of joke, that would be so messed up because it was so specific.

And it did feel like a magical moment. I'm not going to lie. So we'll see. I'll keep you guys updated. I'll keep you guys posted on that. Anyways, point is, you have to start just doing things that ignite that inner child again and inspire that inner child again. Do what she or he would really, really, really want you to do. Not what your current self wants you to do, but think about when you were younger. What were the things that truly lit you up and excited you? Another thing that

that kind of inspired this episode was one of my friends was teaching me about my human design and she was like your human design chart which I'm going to speak about more on the podcast I'm going to have an episode about human design very soon she was telling me your chart in human design if you're not lit up by your life you're off course so let's just say you're burned out and you're not truly happy with what you're doing for work anymore and you're frustrated you need a pivot that

That's just the name of the game. You need a pivot because you should wake up feeling excited about your life. And I was like, oh, shout out to Mona. This is one of my amazing friends that I met in Bali. She's a human design expert. If you search on my Instagram who I'm following, Mona, M-O-N-A, and look for the girl in the orange peck.

power suit business power suit her whole vibe her theme is orange and I love her for that because it just makes me so happy to see her she's like obsessed with the color orange and she's branded herself that way and I just love it so much you could go give her a follow and ask her more about human design she does readings and she's incredible she was telling me your human design if you're bored

You're off track. You need to reinvent yourself. And that's something I'm working on right now because I'm like, I love podcasting. It's such a big passion of mine. But it's been three years and I do feel burnout. I do feel like it's time to pivot a little bit. And I'm not going to say I'm going to stop doing this, but I'm

I'm definitely going to get into other ventures now because I'm not the person I was when I started. Let's put it that way. I've changed a lot. I feel like there's a lot more waiting in the future for me and a lot more that's calling my name. So we'll see. But just honoring your truth and honoring that inner voice and that inner child that wants to be seen and appreciated and wants to be happy. What would she do? The last thing I'm going to quickly gloss over is this concept of

When I find my husband, how I want to feel or how I know I'm going to feel because I'm not going to settle for less. And one of the key themes is safety and having my inner child feel completely safe.

Feeling safe in your nervous system as a woman is going to put you more in your feminine and going to make you feel more in your purpose. I could speak from experience when I've dated the wrong men. I've not only had physical health issues because my nervous system was so imbalanced and dysregulated, but I also would always go off purpose. And I would forget the meaning of my life around these people because they became my life and they became a huge distraction. And that's

that's just not healthy. And the right person is going to put you more on your purpose. When you're with someone who makes you feel emotionally and energetically safe...

Your cortisol levels drop. You feel more in your body. You become more creative. You become more in your purpose. And your truer self can emerge because you're safe. That's super important, okay? The more safe you are, the more stable you are, and the more powerful you become. The next thing is, if you're dating someone that's stressing you out all the time or giving you mixed signals or...

throwing you for a loop every two seconds, you're not going to be able to properly function or access your intuition or once again be in your feminine power. When you're with someone safe, you're going to be able to tap into your powers way more. I feel this way around certain friends where they make me feel so safe and held that I'm more of myself. I'm more creative. I'm more inspired. My intuition is stronger. I'm more psychic.

because I'm around people that are lifting me up and making me feel energetically safe. Whereas, for example, that guy, those guys I talked about towards the beginning of this episode that would take me out of body, I could not think straight for the life of me or get anything done, which is once again, obviously not healthy. So I know that the right man for me is going to put me more in my power, my purpose, and allow my nervous system to rest.

Your feminine energy, your feminine thrives on being soft and at rest. That's when manifestations can come in. That's when you're able to receive more blessings because you're relaxed. You're in a state of rest. You're not

forcing anything. You're not frantic. You're not anxious. You're at ease. You're at peace. So that is why being with someone that makes you feel safe and makes your inner child feel seen is so, so important. And I know the love of my life is going to make me feel that way. It's just probably the most important thing, just feeling safe. That's it. Okay. And the beauty about this is

When I'm talking about all this healing stuff and, you know, how I have a long way to go and I've healed, but I still have to heal. I think when you meet the right man or the right person, that healing process speeds up a lot because you become healed by that person's presence. I've seen this happen a lot in relationships where someone's broken and they meet someone that isn't.

brings them back to life. And that's a beautiful thing. So that's important to have someone that could hold space for you and heal parts of you that you didn't even know needed healing or heal parts of you that someone else broke. And I think it's a beautiful thing. I've met some women here in London who have amazing partners. And one of my friends in particular has someone that is so supportive of her career and she

puts her more in her career and her purpose and supports her mission. And he also has his own career and they're a power couple. And it's, it's beautiful to have met someone and talk to people in general who are living that because that just shows that it's possible. And yeah,

that's a beautiful thing. And I think it's so important to have a partner who adds to your life, who puts you more in your mission, who inspires you, who makes you more in your feminine, who makes you feel safe in their presence, and who makes love feel safe and not something scary and something to be afraid of, but to make love feel like a true home. I do believe this.

OK, because I've been traveling a lot and I do believe this at my core. The right person will make you feel at home anywhere because they're a part of your home because they make you feel so safe. The right person will make you feel at ease anywhere you are. It doesn't matter where you are in the world.

You'll always feel at home with them. I know that that person for me exists somewhere and I know that person exists somewhere for you too. If you're listening to this right now, never settle, never settle for less than that, for safety, for peace, for someone that really holds you and nurtures your inner child and loves you unconditionally. And with that being said...

That concludes today's episode of Date Yourself Instead. Thank you so much, as always, for listening to the podcast. If you haven't already, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify and also send me a message on Instagram at list or on the podcast account at Date Yourself Instead. I always read them. It means the world to me. I love connecting with you all. It's such a beautiful thing. This community is amazing and I'm so grateful.

Have an amazing day. Have an amazing week. I love you. Sending miracles and all the love your way as always. And stay tuned for next Monday.