cover of episode a relationship that ended, not failed

a relationship that ended, not failed

2025/2/22
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Derek Sivers

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我与前妻的六年婚姻关系并非失败,而是一段圆满的经历。我们从一封邮件开始相识,通过邮件的交流,我们彼此坦诚相待,建立了深厚的感情。最终,她搬到美国与我结婚,我们一起生活了六年,期间只有一次很小的争吵。这段婚姻带给我许多美好的回忆。虽然最终我们因为对未来生活规划的不同而选择和平分手,但这并不意味着这段关系的失败。我们互相理解,和平分手,并且在分手后仍然保持着尊重和理解。这正是我认为一段感情结束的理想状态,它不是失败,而是一个阶段的结束,一段美好的回忆。

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Hi, I'm Derek Sivers, and this is A Relationship That Ended, Not Failed. I was dating for the first time after a six-year-long relationship. Someone asked, Why did your last relationship fail? I said, It didn't. Okay, then why didn't it work out? I said, It did. We're not still together, but it was great from beginning to end. It started with an email.

Hi, my name is Anna, a happy girl in Sweden. You sound really interesting. Please tell me more about yourself. I thought it was probably spam, but before deleting it, just in case, I replied, Who are you and why do you think I'm interesting? Send. She replied. I replied. She replied with more. I replied with more. Once a day, at the end of the day, a single email.

Because we were strangers on the other side of the world, we got more and more honest, like a confession booth, saying the things we wouldn't tell anyone else. After three months of emailing, we switched to real-time chat. After six months, for the first time, she sent me her photo. She was hot! I flew to Sweden, and it was on. After two years of visiting each other, she moved to America to be with me. A year later, we got secretly married, only for immigration.

She moved to Los Angeles for film school, so I moved with her. We got along so well, just happy to be together. In six years, we had only one fight for about ten minutes about whose turn it was to clean the bathroom. That was it. Six years of sweet romantic harmony. But our interests were pulling us in different directions.

I wanted to spend more time working in Portland. She wanted to spend more time with her friends in L.A. that were single and having adventurous flings, an experience she'd never had. After a movie on the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica, we sat on a bench, having a lemonade, talking about this, and then one of us said it first. Do you want to break up? Yeah. Do you? Yeah. You're not upset? Not at all. Are you hurt? No. Wow. We just broke up.

Yeah, end of an era. So now what? Best breakup ever. We walked home together, drinking our lemonades, sharing our plans for what we wanted to do next. We went to sleep in the same bed that night, but at 4 a.m. I woke up excited, packed my car, kissed her goodbye, then drove 16 hours to Portland. I never saw her again. We only talked for a few minutes later that year to file the divorce stuff. Life moves on.

someone asked why did your last relationship fail but it didn't it was a great relationship and was just what we needed i remember it fondly a relationship like a movie or book doesn't fail when it comes to an end