Boys Need a Healthy Fear of Their Fathers
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Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Scott, welcome to the program. Hey, Dr. Laura, thanks for taking my call. And I just want to say thank you to you and your team for everything you all do. You've made me a better husband and a better parent. So thank you guys. Thank you. That's kind.

Here's the situation. So I've been married to my wife for 17 years. We have a 15-year-old son, 13-year-old daughter. And about a month ago, our daughter came across a vaping device in our son's bedroom. That's where the cats are fed in there. She feeds the cats. Absolutely.

After some mild interrogation, he finally admitted to experimenting with drugs and alcohol for, let's see, since October. And how do we, the advice I need and I'm seeking is how do we balance going scorched earth by... Okay, before we go scorched earth or anything else, what the hell is wrong with your kid? He's doing this stuff in his house.

What the hell? He's not scared of you guys. Listen to me slowly. Listen to me slowly. He's not scared of you guys. Why isn't he afraid of you? He should be scared of my wife. Tell me what you mean by that. He should be scared of your wife. I think boys need to be scared of their dads. I need to step up. So that is definitely a learning that I've, over the past few weeks, listening to guys that I know I need to be doing better to...

lay down the law and I feel like I've been doing that. I can definitely do more on that. Well, you can't tell me you think you've been doing it and then feel bad that you haven't been doing it. Pick one. Your wife has the balls in the family. Yes, I admit that she has some balls. I've been stepping up and I need to be doing more. And that's been a realization for me here within the past month.

Well, go in his room, sit him down and say, I've let you down. I haven't spent enough time and effort with you, teaching you, guiding you, working with you, playing with you. And that's all changing today. So you don't need the drugs and the booze or any of that because we will fulfill those empty spaces together as father and son. And what are you going to do when your wife tries to rein you in?

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Mm-hmm. People don't like to give up power very easily, Sarah. You know that. No, no. The whole world dynamics. No, I think that's part of her frustration with it, that I haven't been doing what you just said. So I think she would welcome that with open arms. And, yeah, I mean, I need to have enough more time to do this. What did your father teach you about being a man as opposed to a male? You know, a leader, stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah.

He was a, the lessons he left with me, providing for the family, like doing what he had to do to work as much as possible. His love was shown with providing for us. He never said, all throughout history, whoa, all throughout history, men have not necessarily had a lot of time to sit there and play Parcheesi, but they still had expectations of their son's behaviors. Yep.

So what did he teach you about being a man? What did he ever say to you? Doing the right thing. I mean, being honest, being true to yourself, following God. These are sort of universals. I want to know about being a man. What's expected of a man? Protecting my wife, being there for her. And what about your children? Is your dad dead or alive? He's alive. Good. Is he in driving distance? It's a long drive.

Is it driving distance? Seven hours, yes. Okay, take a bus if you want. I think you need to spend a couple of days with your dad asking him to bring you up to speed and his expectations of what makes a man from a male and what he imagines you should be doing with your son. Who at this point doesn't have a lot of respect for you or he wouldn't have had that crap in his room. Yeah. So ask your dad to help you with this, please.

I'll do that. And then you help your boy, and so it goes. Of course. Sorry, one more question for you. Of course. In talking with my wife, we feel that he's experimenting because he's trying to, like that's the solution for something he's facing. He says it's just curiosity that we've plugged in there. You know what? I don't care about that at this point. This boy needs his dad to fill him up and help him.

on the path to becoming a man. And instead of that, he's tuning his brain out with substances because he doesn't know what path to be on and how to handle it because you didn't role model it for him. You didn't teach him for it. So go back to your dad, two days, a lot of discussions. It's going to be very heart-wrenching. Then come back and take care of your family. Got it. I like it.

Okay. Thank you, Dr. Laura. Appreciate it. Call me anytime. I appreciate you calling. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos, and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me to. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com slash drlaura and instagram.com slash drlauraprogram.

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