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Good is Good Enough

2025/5/3
logo of podcast Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Dr. Laura Call of the Day

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Carla: 我有一个16岁的儿子,他学习很聪明,有些课程甚至超前学习。但是最近一年,他的学习积极性很不稳定,时而认真学习,时而放弃作业,导致成绩波动很大。我们尝试和他沟通,但他总是说不知道原因。我们不知道如何帮助他走出这个困境,也不知道是什么原因导致他学习积极性不稳定。他喜欢工程和汽车,梦想成为一名机械工程师,这让他很开心。 Dr. Laura: 这位母亲,我认为你应该停止试图分析你的儿子,并尝试理解他目前所处的阶段。他不是个坏孩子,他没有酗酒、吸毒、破坏家里的东西,也没有做其他的坏事。他是一个好孩子,并且有自己的目标。让他自己去想办法实现目标,他会找到更快或更慢的方法。他还有两年就成年了,我认为你应该停止抱怨、唠叨和分析。让他自己去面对成绩好坏。他积极参与体育运动,是一个好孩子。让他自己去实现他的目标。我认为父母们都认为,孩子只有按照父母设想的道路前进才能幸福快乐,但事实并非如此。你的成绩和你的丈夫的成绩肯定也不是一直都很好。这很正常。有些孩子总是考高分,我不知道他们是怎么做到的,我觉得他们来自另一个星球。我的建议是,你应该停止关注他的成绩。无论他取得什么成绩,都应该接受。他积极参与体育运动,是一个好孩子。让他自己去实现他的目标。不要强迫他上大学,这对于他想要做的事情来说并不是必要的。有很多学校教授这些东西。 享受和你儿子在一起的时光,因为他很快就会离开家了。 Carla: 我会尝试按照您的建议去做,多关注孩子好的方面,多鼓励他,让他感受到我的爱是无条件的。

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You can find Skechers at Skechers.com slash Dr. Laura or Skechers.com. Use the promo code Dr. Laura. Valid for 20% off site-wide. Standard exclusions apply. Valid March 5th through May 30th, 2025. Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Carla, welcome to the program.

Yes. Hi, Dr. Lourla. Thank you. Hi. Thank you. What's up?

The reason why I'm calling is I have a 16-year-old son, and I've been struggling with this problem with him for the last about a year now. He's a very smart boy, very intelligent, and he's actually in some classes in school, he is above his grade level classes. Now, recently, for the last year, he goes through these things.

You know, times where sometimes he feels motivated of doing his schoolwork, other days not as much, and chooses not to do his homework, and obviously that affects his grades. You know, we've had many talks with him trying to understand. We've asked, you know, is there something that's making you unhappy that's affecting? He says no, and we ask them, well, why does this occur? And he just says, I don't know.

And we're just, you know, we can't seem to find like a way or an answer of, you know, kind of get out of the cycle. OK, what grade is he in? Eleventh, twelfth? He's a sophomore. OK. He's a sophomore. Is he into sports? Yes, he is. And he's very active. Is he into music, arts at all? Um, um.

No, music is basically like, you know, every typical, you know, child. What's his passion? Art's not as much. What is his passion? He loves engineering. He loves engineering cars very much. He has been very passionate. Ma'am, slow down. What does engineering cars mean he does? I don't know what that means.

No, no. He says that he's very passionate about becoming an engineer, possibly something like mechanical engineering, and he loves cars. He has a lot of knowledge about cars and would hope one day that he could become a mechanical engineer for cars. Got it. So do you have to go to college for that? I would suspect, you know. No, I don't think you have to go to college for that. Okay. You have to learn it, and there are places you learn.

engineering cars and work for NASCAR and everything else. I don't know that he needs college for that. So that's a non-issue. So there are other ways he can get to his goal. And I'm not sure college, four years of college is probably not the way to get to that goal. Okay. Just saying. Did you know that skincare can start in the laundry room?

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When he chooses not to do his schoolwork, he will get a C. Okay, I just want to know what grades he gets without you adding fluff to it. What are his grades? They can fluctuate. They can go anywhere from an A all the way down to a C. If he chooses to do his work, he will get an A. I do understand that concept of doing your work and getting a better grade, so calm it down.

Okay? I suggest you stop discussing it with him. Stop trying to analyze him. This is where he is at this point of his life. He's not a bad kid. He's not drinking, using drugs, breaking windows in your house, sneaking around, being a jerk. He's a nice kid. Leave him alone. He has a goal. He's going to have to figure out how to get there. He'll either get there a faster route or a slower route, depending upon all his choices. He's got two years before he's an adult. I suggest you leave it alone now. You've been...

complaining and nagging and tweaking and analyzing enough. Stop it. Leave him alone. If he gets bad grades, he gets bad grades. If he gets good grades, he gets good grades. Leave it alone. He's active in sports. He's a nice kid. Leave him alone. He has a goal. Stop it. I think parents get all invested thinking the only way their kids are going to be functional and happy is if they do the path that the parents imagine should be done.

And consistently. And I doubt your grades, your husband's grades were the same all the time. I bet they varied too. Nothing unusual about that. There are some nerds that just get straight A's all the time. I don't even know where they're created. I think they come from another planet. It's just my recommendation. You can ignore me completely. It's okay. Although I think I'm telling you something very wise. You are. So what I'd like you to do from now on

Is anything he does that's good around the house, he's nice to a sibling, he picks up the dog poops, he helps with dinner. Anything he does, anything, acknowledge it. Notice it and acknowledge it. I don't want him to think that because he's not academically what you dream about that you don't love him anymore. You don't like him anymore. And kids do that in their heads. Okay. It's like love is only on the basis if you're fulfilling what I think you ought to be fulfilling.

So just have a happy home life. Lots of hugs, lots of smiles, play Scrabble together. Have a good time. Go on a bike ride. Just enjoy him because soon he's going to be out of the house doing weird things to cars. Maybe there's just nothing wrong with him at all.

And I'm sure you and your husband can sit and look at each other in the eye and say, sometimes we've been motivated to be real loving in this marriage. And sometimes we've let it go a little bit. And sometimes we take care of the property outside and the plants. And sometimes we don't. And that's normal. So let him be normal. He has a vision. He has a goal. Don't push college. It's not necessary for what he wants. I'll definitely do that. Because there are schools that teach this stuff.

Have a good time with your boy while he's still home. You know, my number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

Nothing brings us together like Eglin's Best Eggs. Always so fresh and delicious, plus superior nutrition like six times more vitamin D, ten times more vitamin E, and 25% less saturated fat compared to ordinary eggs. For us, it's eggs any style, as long as they're the best. Eglin's Best. Better taste, better nutrition, better eggs. Visit eglinsbest.com to learn more.