I Feel Better, But My Husband Feels Worse
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Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Allison, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Hi. I called in a while back, and I'm calling back again.

My question is, how do I help my husband? What? Okay. Well, if you listen to the program, you know I stop people and I tell them you can't unless you're helping him carry a piece of furniture into the other room. But things going on in his psyche, you can't help him do that. Okay. Then I guess rephrasing it then would be... Why don't you just tell me what's happening? How do I help my...

What's happening is his mother cut us off completely back in November, blocked us on Facebook, wants nothing to do with us. Because? It was a culmination of things, but the last two days she was in our lives, she had been in a bad car accident, was doing all kinds of stuff, and my husband made the mistake of, number one, calling her crazy.

Number two, she had been babysitting our five-month-old. I'm a first-time mom. And when I got home, she nonchalantly had mentioned the baby had been vomiting green stuff and had a fever. And I said, why didn't you call or text me? I would have come right home. And she didn't like that, that I told her that. And I wasn't rude about it. I just said, you know, I'm upset. I rushed him to the doctor, and I called her afterwards, and I reiterated that to her.

And she didn't like hearing that I was reprimanding her. And so the next day when she was talking to my husband. Allison, Allison, she is crazy. Correct. And she told him on the phone he needed to divorce me and he told her to pound sand. And she hung up on him. Can you stop now? I get the picture. I know who she is. You don't have to continue. Okay. You married a man that had that as a mother. How is your marriage going?

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Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale, Emma has a test tomorrow? Uh, sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds. Managing the house while Mama's gone is not easy. But did you know that now, Walmart Pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door? Wait, what? Really? Yep, just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door. Thanks. Dad, when does Mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes. Okay.

Now, your pharmacy comes to you. Welcome to your Walmart. Delivery not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply. Our marriage is actually doing really well. We're going to couples class together at our church. We have date nights. We make our marriage our priority. But the other night we were talking and I said, boy, it's been great without her in our lives. No drama. And he said, well, maybe for you.

But I've been having a miserable time. He didn't have a good Christmas because she wouldn't contact him at all. And that just sort of shocked me because I thought he could see. Allison, he's been traumatized by that crazy woman his whole life. Yes. He needs to go into therapy to learn to let go. It's very hard for boys to let go of their mommies. Sometimes not so hard. Yes. But most of the time, very hard.

I mean, they come from her belly and they suckle at her breast. And the first love relationship is with mommy. And when mommy's a crazy one and has tortured him, I think it's remarkable that you're describing your marriage as lovely. Sounds like you're in charge, though, which is something he's used to, the woman being in charge. Yeah. So I would suggest he go into counseling. He's going to have to deal with

He's going to have to face and confront his whole life with that woman and the impact it's had and how he sees himself and how he tends to be more passive in life because he's a little afraid and letting go of her. You can't help him with that. Okay. Okay, and that's what I needed to hear and to know. Now, I want to warn you about something. Yes. Because I need you to think about it. Should he go into counseling with a very good counselor?

there's a high likelihood his personality will change. He will become more forceful. That's where the tension is now going to come in between you and him. Okay. So that's where marital counseling would likely be good once that transition starts. So I just want to warn you, doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It means he's coming into his own finally when he leaves his mother behind. Okay. And so in the meantime, because he, he,

In the meantime, if he makes remarks, should I reach out to mom? And say, you know, you've tried that your whole life. I feel, all right, I'm answering your question. It would help if you listened and you get your answer. Okay. You show compassion. You don't tell him what to do. You don't tell him how to feel. None of that. Anytime he brings it up, hug him and say, to have grown up with that woman and to become, have become such a remarkable man is a big statement about you.

You're just wonderful. And of course it hurts to not have a nice mommy. And you're right when you called her crazy. That was the first time you told her the truth. And I can understand that this is incredibly painful, letting go of the dream of getting along with your mother. It is so hard. So basically you're just showing compassionate understanding and describing it. That helps. That helps.

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