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Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Colette, welcome to the program. Hi, how are you? Hi, good. How can I help? Well, I have an interesting problem and I've been very upset about it. Me and my husband have been caretakers for...
my mother and my mother-in-law for over 20, well, about 20 years now. And we always knew what's wrong with these women that they need caretaker. Well, my mother has Alzheimer's and my 20 years ago, she had Alzheimer's.
Well, the beginning stages. I'm 62. She was 88. She passed recently. I see. But my husband is 11 years older than me. He is 73. And we just always knew we were their caretakers. We were the ones that always took care of them.
And his mother has diabetes, she's disabled, and we just always pulled together as a team. And it got to the point where we had three places to live and we all lived adjacent on properties, each owned by each other, you know. But it got too much for me to take care of. And I kind of wanted to retire and spend some time with my husband.
So I found a really beautiful area that was a lot less rural because we lived in rural Tennessee, Copper Hill, Tennessee. And it had, you know, boating and tennis and racquetball and golf. My husband loves golf.
And we all moved in together into one house. My husband and I purchased it, and the moms were – they did whatever they wanted to do with their property. Now, my mom's property, half of it was mine, so we just rented it out for the time being. But anyway, to make a long story short, we no sooner moved into this beautiful area, beautiful house, transformed it into disabled –
for everybody. And my husband got sick and my husband was diagnosed. Well, he got sick and he was originally diagnosed with Parkinson's and that was a hard pill to swallow, but I was like, we can handle this. We can do this, you know? And so then we, uh,
we were cleaning up the house one day and my husband walked up the back stairs which is exactly 13 steps and he got to the top step and fell backwards and down he went and he hit his head on the concrete and he had three brain bleeds and
It was my whole life went upside down. So I've come to find out that after he healed, he healed. He crushed his entire side of his body, but he healed. And I was with him, and we were working together, and he
I was still taking care of the moms and then they diagnosed him with PSP, which a lot of people don't know what that is. It's progressive supernuclear palsy. And what it is, it's very progressive. So one week they're doing something and then next week they're not doing it anymore. So my husband continued to get progressively worse and
My mother continued to get progressively worse. She wound up getting sick four times in and out of hospitals. My mom passed. And then my mother-in-law, she had broken a bone and she went in and out of hospitals. And I had gotten her through five surgeries. And she's still going. She's 90 years old. She's in good shape. And my mom died. And then...
I was with a husband who was really ill and a mom who passed. And our siblings on both sides really never really gave enough of a crap to do anything about it. And that's why we were their caretakers. But at this point, I really needed help. So I reached out to Jack's family and I said, listen,
You know, my mom, my mom at the time, she was really sick. It was before she died. And I said, I really need help here. I really need help. I need somebody to take over maybe taking care of Betty Mae, which is my mother-in-law. And they said, absolutely not. Nope. Nope. Can do. I said, how about, you know, contributing and I can get her into a really nice facility and we could all contribute. Nope. Nope. Cannot do that. Nope.
So then my mom passed, and I was near a nervous breakdown. I really was, because I really didn't think she was going to pass. And that's what a caretaker does. They want to keep them as long as they can. But anyway...
Not going on forever. I had to do a funeral, and I'm from up north in New York, and most of my family is. So we planned the funeral up in New York, and I told Betty Mae, you know, that she was going to have to go stay with her family. And I bought her a ticket to go to Chicago. And I had an epiphany. She wasn't coming back, and they were just going to have to deal with it.
And that's what I did because nobody was going to let me out of this contract, lifelong contract. Who was on the other end to collect? Well, Jack's brother. Jack.
Jack's brother picked her up from the airport and they have a big, beautiful home and they have lots of family. Most of her family is up in Chicago. I had a long talk with her and I said, you know, if anything happens to Jack, I'm not your executor of your estate. I can't help you. And I don't know what I'm going to even do. So you really need to go with family. Plus, I really didn't want her to watch her son die. Where are we?
Where are we today? Where are we today? Today, I am taking care of my husband and I'm trying to get him as much help as he can get. My whole life is turned upside down and I'm getting a lot of stress from my family, from Jack's family. Okay. Let me get in here. Let me get in here. Let me get in here. Okay.
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F them. You
You must be kidding. But that's what I said this morning. And I've never said that to anybody. Well, honey, his family... No, stop. I heard it. I heard enough. He's got self-centered family and they were quite happy to have you do it. And it infuriates me to hear this whole story because everybody seems to be waiting until they're old to be freed up to do stuff. And typically, not totally, but typically when you get older...
Medical things happen. Right. And you die. Right. So I would have argued you out of being the caretaker for everybody in the first place. Well, I am doing that. I am doing that. My husband, I just bought a wheelchair that he can mobilize himself. Don't go on. Don't go on. Don't go on. Don't go on. The topic of this call is now you're a shithead and you're not. F him.
And you make sure Jack's brother knows Betty Mae ain't coming back. Oh, I'm pretty sure he knows that after today. Good. Okay. It's about their time. And I'm sorry that you guys put out all this effort and now Jack's in a bad shape. Is this going to curtail longevity at all?
Oh, yeah. This is a very aggressive disease. A lot of people don't know about it. It's just starting to make headway. Well, how long do you think you two have to be together? About five years. And that's a lot. Will he know what's happening in all those five years? Probably not. Maybe three. Okay.
So that's what I'm going to do. We're going to go. I got a handicapped van. I got a mobile unit for him to get in and out and walk around. And we're getting out of the house, and we're going to go do some things. Just going to drive, do some things. You're an amazing woman, Colette. You're an amazing woman.
Well, I'm so sad, though, because I lost a family that I had for 20 years, you know? I know. And I know they're assholes. And I know that I shouldn't feel bad, but I still do. And I kept on saying... Sweetheart, of course you feel bad. But you didn't have them as family. You're right. You're right. There's a big difference between people who are relatives and people who are family.
And they were never free. I know that. And I'll tell you how I know that. My brother watched me almost have a breakdown. And he called Jack's brother and he said, I'm going to drive your mother up to you or you're going to come get her one way or the other. Your mom is going to live with you. And that's family. That's family. Your brother is family. Okay. I'm glad you're clear. Well, my heart aches for you.
It's sort of never ending, but you are an amazing woman. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos, and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me to. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com slash drlaura and instagram.com slash drlauraprogram.
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