Is Sally Cautious or Is She Controlling?
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Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Mike and Sally, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Hey, Dr. Laura. Good to be on the show. I've been listening to you for years. Thank you. You guys married to each other? Yes, ma'am. Happily married. Okay. For how long? Okay.

We've been married for almost two years. I'm sorry, 10? 10 or 2? I didn't hear that correctly. Two. Two. We're coming up on our two-year anniversary. Okay, so either one of you...

Either one of you married, divorced, whatever, from before? I am divorced after 32 years. That divorce was finalized in 2018. My wife's husband is deceased, and she was married for also 32 years. And your divorce was caused by what?

um just grew apart um i would suggest that we had some difficulty my wife was very depressed and i don't want to point fingers and say narcissistic but that's what it was yeah good don't say that on my program i don't appreciate uh yeah no problem yeah okay all right so how can i help so sally how can i help you guys today

Okay, well, I'm going to let my husband tell you the background, but then I can comment as needed. If that's okay with you, Dr. Laura. Sure, go for it. Okay, so here's the situation. I have recently been laid off from a job. I've spent many years, almost 40 years in the professional services business in FinTech. Traveled extensively. Oh.

Traveled extensively, but was on the road sometimes days at a time. And so obviously when you're traveling with people, you do dinners and so forth together and you get to know people on a personal basis, just from conversation at work and dinner when you're working for years for so long. My average tenure at these companies was many years. So I have

built personal friendships that we've stayed in contact with each other, even though we're no longer working together. So I have friends from colleagues from 30 years ago, 20 years ago, some I stay in touch with some I just touch base with whenever we're in town or convenient, we'll just reach out to each other just to check in and say, how you doing?

We also continue to do favors to each other in the situation where I'm in, for example, where someone would call and say, "Hey, I'm out of work. Anything you got going on, you can help me with your network." In the most recent situation, I reached out to a former colleague. I haven't worked with her for over 25 years. She is in the same city. We have not had any communication except five years ago, she reached out to me looking for a job. I put in a referral for her.

I asked for a return of the favor just recently, reached out to her to say, "Hey, I'm looking for a job. You work there. Can you put in a referral for me?" And in the context of that conversation, I said, "We need to catch up. It's been a long time."

Long story short, she put in the job recommendation. I applied for the job. It didn't pan out. This was about a couple of weeks ago. But I did reach out to her and say, oh, when would be a good time to catch up since we suggested it on the call? It just so happens I have a doctor appointment next week. Very quick.

close to where she lives across town. And I suggested maybe that's a good time where we could meet for lunch or after my doctor's appointment to catch up.

And I shared this with my wife. I even shared this with my wife a couple weeks ago when I was in the midst of the interview process because this person suggested that she would love to meet my wife and I. But again, because it was convenient for me in the area where my doctor's appointment is, I reached out and said, maybe this is a good time to meet. Shared that with my wife yesterday. She said, I don't think that's a good idea. And thus, we're talking to you. Is that accurate, Sally?

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That is very accurate. I just did not feel comfortable with him. Sally, Sally, Sally, let me just say that if Mike was dating you and not married to you, I would tell him to dump you. I would say if she's that insecure and controlling, how are you going to have a life together? Okay. That surprises me a little bit.

Why? You have no reason to think he's going to have sex with her. You have no reason to think that he's going to walk out on you. He's not doing anything wrong. He's going to be in a public place with somebody he's known for decades, and you're acting like a teenage girl. Come on, Sally.

Come on. Okay, Dr. Laura. Thanks for your advice on that. I just didn't feel it was safe for a married man to meet a single woman that he worked with 30 years ago and haven't spoken to her in 30 years until just as of late. Sally, I would tell him to dump you if you were dating him and that you're digging your heels in makes me really feel bad for Mike.

All right. Thanks for your advice. What advice did I give you? You gave me advice to chill out and trust my husband. And that's what I learned from it. Dr. Laura, may I add a comment? Sure. So we are very happily married. We're both God-fearing people. We are not cheaters. You know, I hate to use that. I don't need to hear any of this. I don't need to hear any of this. Okay.

I'm telling you the truth. If you were only dating, I would tell you don't marry her. She's going to make your life tough, insecure, and controlling.

This is seriously never. It's not as though he had been having a three year sexual affair with this woman. And now they're meeting again. They work together. They help each other out when they have a tough time in their careers. There was nothing sensual, sexual, inappropriate. And it's going to be in a public restaurant. How about we have it at your house? Sally, why don't you make dinner and be gracious?

All right. That sounds good. I'll do that. She helped your husband out. He didn't get the job, but she helped him. I think you ought to reward that with a nice dinner at your place. And you can hear some old war stories about how they worked together 30 years ago. You should have some funny stories that evening.

All right. Well, we'll see how that goes. And by the way, I'm not controlling Dr. Laura. We've never had a problem like this before. It just kind of struck me oddly. That behavior. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm glad you're not controlling. That behavior is controlling. Okay. And I'll tell you the key. The key to controlling is when a woman says, I'm not comfortable, which is meaningless other than being controlling. Don't make me uncomfortable.

Doesn't mean that he's doing anything wrong, inappropriate, amoral, illegal. But you're not comfortable. That's a controlling red flag. We can't be comfortable about everything in life.

All right. Well, I hope you're going to make a nice dinner for them. I think that would be adorable. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's exactly what I'm going to do. What's your best dish? Italian. She has many. Hey, good. She has many. Meatballs, lasagna. What are you going to make? Probably meatballs.

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Some drive them for the performance. Others drive them for the range. And some drive them because it's the only way to make an entrance. Three different ways to turn every drive into an occasion. Whatever your reason, there's never been a better time to say, let's take the Cadillac. The all-electric Cadillac family of vehicles. Escalade IQ, Optic, and Lyric.