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Valid for 20% off site-wide. Standard exclusions apply. Valid March 5th, 2025 through May 30th, 2025. Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Allie, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. How are you? Good. How can I help?
um I'm 27 I've been listening to you since I was in middle school and I was wondering if you could help me process or let go of some shame that I've been feeling for many years I probably should have called you like six years ago but um it's sort of affected my life because I think
think it's the source of just some cycles of depression that I've had. And I'm in a really good place in my life now. And I don't want to say that I'm afraid of that cycle happening again, because I know that now I'm in a place where I understand the habits that sort of lead to the depression. But like, shame just has...
kept me up at night and it's shame about like decisions I'd made in my past, the behaviors that I engaged in and I'm not really sure how to stop those thoughts and feelings. Okay, without telling me all the dumb things you did, are you doing any of the dumb things anymore? No. Well, let me explain something to you then and I need you to take a deep breath, exhale, relax and listen carefully.
I'm all good with you feeling shame for being a smart girl making dumb decisions. I think you should feel shame because it's one of the things that propels us out of situations. That's part one. That you're doing already. Feeling shame. Okay? Part two. What increases, what makes a person have self-esteem is when...
They have the courage to stop. So I'm okay with you spending time looking at the shame part. I don't care about that. But what I'm surprised at is that with equal adoration, you haven't embraced the guts you had to stop. That's two sides of the same thing. So why are you only paying attention to one side? Don't answer that.
Just sit there and think about it. Just sit there and think about it. Yes, you did dumb things. Really stupid. Really bad. Messed up things. And then you stopped. Stopped doesn't take courage. The reason you spent so many years doing dumbass things is you didn't exercise your courage to pull yourself out of it. And you finally did. So you don't get at least equal credit in your mind? Holy cow.
You're a hard woman to please. Yeah, for myself, I am. No reason for depression anymore. You pulled yourself out. You know what? A lot of people who call me never do. Yeah. So you're exceptional. Thank you. But do you understand what I'm telling you? Do you? I do. Yeah. Okay, explain it back to me like you're explaining it to somebody else who's doing this.
to you, you know, to themselves, explain it back. Come on. Um, I'll explain it that, um, I need to give more credit to the person that I am now because I got to the point where I was sick of feeling the way that I did. And that takes a lot of
like self-awareness intelligence and like self-love to stop those behaviors and understand what it takes to get to a happy place and that's stopping um those habits i guess i don't know perfect perfect thank you perfect perfecto
So when I'm laying in bed at night, when I'm laying in bed at night, I just tell myself that like when, when like the negative. Well, tell me you're laying in bed at night and what comes to your mind? Describe it. Um, most like I will replay the various situations of like. Okay. The second you do that, I want you to hit the eject button and the eject button is a memory that
your best memory of the moment you ejected from that life. I know it was a process, but the process always begins somewhere. So tell me the moment when you said, ah, shit, I can't do this anymore. Tell me, describe that moment with the same visual that you were giving me.
I want to say it was maybe two years ago. I'm trying to think of the exact moment. Yeah, just relax and think. What would represent the moment when you went, ah, shit, no more? It was probably around the time I met my fiance. So you were in a I hate myself place when you were thinking of getting married? That makes no sense.
Well, it was when I met him a few years ago. Ah. A few years ago. Okay. Yeah. How did you first see him? Across a room? At a dance? Oh, wait. That was a movie. Yeah. It was outside. Well, we met on, like, a dating app. So, I... Okay. So, tell me the first vision. I guess through my dating process, I... Yeah. I saw him from, like, across...
the street, basically, outside. Good. Oh, that's pretty romantic sounding. I saw him across the street and I knew that was the one. I loved all that schmoozy stuff. Okay, then that's the eject button. When you start going through how you were such a shit, I want you to hit the button and picture him coming across the street. I'm serious. Okay. Are you driving? I'm parked. I'm in my car, though. Good. Close your eyes. Okay.
Just want to make sure you didn't crash. Close your eyes. And without talking out loud, don't describe anything out loud to me. I want you to make believe you're in bed and an assortment of those wretched memories start coming. Let me know when you got them. I saw them. Hit the eject button. See him across the street. Boom. Okay.
Oh, you giggled. See how it works? See how it works? Yeah. Got to use your brain to help you. Because the brain really, it's going to see an elephant or it's going to see a rose. But it's very hard if they're, you have to turn your head left or right. Don't think of an elephant. Of course, an elephant comes to your mind. Right? So you use the power of your mind to reboot it. And you hit the eject button or the restart. You can call it whatever you'd like.
And it's gone. And you're back in today. You're back in today. That's your time machine. You have your own personal time machine. And you can do this anytime when you're eating lunch, when you're sleeping, going to sleep rather. Use it anytime. I promise you it'll work. Promise you. Okay. Thank you. You're very welcome, sweetheart. And thank you for calling. I'm sure this was not a comfortable call for you to make.
No, I was very nervous. And I had been thinking about it because I listened to you with my mom for many, many years. And she's always said, what would you call Dr. Laura about? And I was never able to come up with an answer five years ago because I was in that hole. But something just called me to do it today because I had a conversation with my fiance this weekend. I'm sick of feeling shame. So I'm just sick of it.
You're ready to fix it. You really helped me. So thank you. Good. And I want you to practice it. I want you sometimes to sit there and do what I just had you do. Conjure up some thoughts and then hit the button. And I want you to see his face and his posture as he was walking toward you. I want you to see the whole thing like you did that day. Okay? Okay. Thank you. Take care, sweetheart. You're welcome. And I'm so proud of you. Really.
My number, we have to take a little break. We'll come back with your calls about anything you need to talk about. What are you waiting for to call me today? She waited. Don't wait. Don't wait. Don't wait. Don't wait days, months, years, and just let it keep fermenting negatively. Don't do that. Give me a call. My number, 1-800-375-2800.
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